It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - Season 5 Edit

A 60 year old man eating trash? Who wants to see that?

A beautiful woman. Dee said she had giant boobs, you know?

A bird? What are you gonna do with a bird? Yeah!

A corpse? Mm hmm.

A countersuit, Charlie? And the Philly Phrenetic.

A deed, paperwork. Go get your proof. Proof.

A disgusting animal.

A doctor played by Dolph Lundgren named Dolph Lundgren?

A featured actress usually auditions for the role, has lines, gets a trailer,

A hundred percent of the merchandising.

A little Green Man! He can get us in the game, dude!

A lot, dude. She's been irritated with me.

A philanthropist? Yeah! That's exactly what it is.

A potential investment opportunity in merchandising...

A refreshing mojito would do. Nobody orders a mojito in this bar.

A roast? I've always wanted to be roasted.

A scary homeless dude. And I'm, like, "Oh, shit! " Yeah! And I'm like, uh...

A Soldier of Fortune.

Aah aah aah!

Aah! Aah!

Abort!

Abort! Abort!

About a talking dog scientist with the voice of Dolph Lundgren!

About dudes' physiques, and whether they can...

About helping us out with our Kitten Mitten patent and...

About how the waitress looks exactly like you when you were young, right?

Absolutely, dude. Great.

Absolutely, we could cave the husband's skull in here.

Absolutely. I'm thinking we do like a classic good Realtor bad Realtor dynamic.

Absolutely. It's a filthy place.

Absolutely. Okay. All right. All right, so we have our actor.

Action, Frank.

Actually, Dee, they end up loving me more than they ever thought was possible.

Actually, I Oh.

Actually, I'm vegan. Okay.

Actually, it's a pretty good one. It's a good idea.

Actually, it's Mantis. Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

Actually, sir, um...

Actually, they're pretty simple.

Actually, you guys don't need Shyamalan to execute your script...

Actually, you guys don't need Shyamalan to execute your script...

After reconstructive surgery, he soon realizes that he smells something that stinks...

After you. No hard feelings.

Ah, but you're not a janitor. Don't do that.

Ah, no problem. I've dated a lot of disabled men in my past.

Ah, shit!

Ah, shit. Did I get you, Cricket?

Ah, shit. I don't care either.

Ah, shit. Okay, don't don't Just don't say anything.

Ah, that is a Dave & Buster's Power Card.

Ah, the dynamic duo in effect. Oh, they're back together!

Ah, we're caring people. That's our nature.

Ah, you might've missed the boat on that, Frank. Not the best time to invest.

Ah!

Ah! I got it in my head.

Ah! It's wrestling. It's all fake.

Ah! Oh, that's good merlot.

Ah! Oh! Oh! Botched toe! I botched that one.

Ah! Unbelievable, dude. Waste of a sock.

Ah! Yeah!

Ah.

Ah. He burned us. Gypsy son of a bitch burned us.

Ah. I don't think you should be drinking and swimming.

Ah. Mm hmm. How 'bout you?

Ah. Wow. Divorce, huh? That's never fun.

Ah. Yes. That is Hulk Hogan's signature look...

Ahh! Oh, what is that, sand?

Ahh. So, do you have the makeup?

Ahhh! It's my character. I'm the Trash Man.

Ahhhh! Frank, what the hell are you doing?

All calico cats are female.

All day.

All in the name of some stupid drinking competition.

All mistakes we've made on our own, so it's good that you're here.

All right Oops. Okay, I'm trying to back out, but my shirt's caught on something.

All right, all right, all right. It's my car. I'm driving. Get out!

All right, all right. No more zapping.

All right, Bozo. Thank you.

All right, calm down! I'll be two seconds!

All right, Charlie. Get ready to scratch two things off of your bucket list.

All right, Charlie. Remember, this lawyer is not a big fan of ours.

All right, Charlie. We are gonna be gentlemen. Yup.

All right, check behind the shelves and shit. Why?

All right, cheers. Cheers, you guys.

All right, Dee. Let's get back to this player selection conversation, okay?

All right, don't big league me now here, man. Don't big league...

All right, fine. Hey, give me my phone back, Frank. What?

All right, focus. You can do this.

All right, get back to the bar. Get back to the bar.

All right, goddamn it. I'm gonna do it. Let's do it! Last time. One last time.

All right, great.

All right, hang on a second. This looks good down here.

All right, I'm gonna run to the ladies' room for two seconds.

All right, let's get Look at this mess.

All right, listen. If you must know,

All right, Mrs. Mac, make sure that you talk...

All right, now I'm trying to talk to you, dude.

All right, now pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken...

All right, now this I can get into. You know? A little space back here.

All right, now when I cut through the shoe and make the sale,

All right, that's it! I'm calling the cops.

All right, that's the rainwater barrels.

All right, this baby is powerful!

All right, well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

All right, whatever.

All right!

All right! All right!

All right! Be careful! Come on!

All right! I feel like that's...

All right! Okay! I am gonna go and get Mac and Dennis back together

All right! Rivalry! Rivalry.

All right! That was rough!

All right! That's real funny shit, Frank!

All right? I got it. I know. I understand it.

All right? Well, let's talk about the contract here...

All right.

All right.

All right. All right, all right. Does that calm you down?

All right. Fine!

All right. Get the hell out of here! Just get the hell out of here!

All right. Here we go.

All right. Here you go. All right.

All right. I appreciate the opportunity, fellas.

All right. I heard that.

All right. I like this blouse you're wearing. That's nice. Is that new?

All right. I'll give you...

All right. I'll give you...

All right. I'm I'm getting all worked up. Okay? This is Let's...

All right. I'm gonna fix it, hon. Thank you.

All right. I'm not kidding. Get the hell out of the way.

All right. I've seen this before. You know what happened?

All right. If you just shut up,

All right. Keep me posted. Shit. What's up, man?

All right. Let me just get all this stuff.

All right. Let's focus on what's happening with the cat, all right?

All right. Let's focus, Dee. What's the point of entry here?

All right. Let's get this guy out of here, send him a message.

All right. Might as well give it a shot. Let's just do that.

All right. These guys are gonna be really fast.

All right. This is good. All right.

All right. This is good. All right.

All right. Um, so what are you people doing in my car now?

All right. We got a problem.

All right. We'll be in touch. Oh! That was amazing, bro!

All right. Well, how about, like, hard boiled eggs from Paddy's Bar?

All right. Well, I'm gonna check it out anyway.

All right. Well, road trip's off. No, no, no, no, no.

All right. What do I do?

All right. Where are we gonna get this other cat? I can get you another cat.

All right. Which way is it, dude? Which way? Uh, let's try this way.

All right. You guys got 30 seconds. Blow my mind.

All right. You know what? Check this out.

All the hits. All the big ones. All the good ones.

All the time. Every day.

All women do this.

All you care about is the fact the waitress is getting married before you. Right?

All you were doing was playing on that stupid phone.

Already did it. You did?

Also, I have more stuff.

Also, why don't you let me in here so I can start my vocal warm ups?

Also, you're really behind on my rent and they're threatening to evict me, so... money.

America sucks!

An incredibly hot but skeptical female lab partner into the mix?

An intervention might be a good idea.

And And Okay. So what about your medical history?

And a one, and a two, and a three...

And a side of your finest jellybeans, raw.

And also, why does he turn her picture away from him...

And and and Jesse "the Body" Ventura and how many pounds they can pack on.

And as for the $15 co payment, eat shit and die!

And away we go

And banging for money on the street? No. no.

And breathe into it like a scuba diver.

And C: Get this. The guy she's marrying used to be my boyfriend.

And Charlie and I really like the fact that you don't charge.

And coerced affection from a man who is afraid to love.

And could you send M. Night over also,

And depression proof. People gotta eat

And dire actions were needed to get those tickets!

And eagles flying through the air and picking up trout out of rivers and shit.

And everything else is just fat and ribs.

And getting her out of our lives.

And going for twins?

And he had to come down immediately.

And he has not gotten back to me, which means he hasn't gotten it yet.

And he knows it 'cause he turns the picture away from him.

And he might take us out, so...

And he said he'd take you guys to the Grand Canyon, and then I drank all night and passed out.

And he's getting something out of his bag. What's he getting?

And he's gonna find out that he's been chattin' with...

And he's hot, which is number one on my list. Of course he is.

And he's running away on the road. That's right.

And his platoon's coming home this weekend, and we're gonna hang out together,

And how about them apples? And all that Gordon Wood business!

And how when we don't make memories together, that's a hurtful thing for me.

And hurry up, man. It's blue to something.

And I am still very much in love with my wife, which makes this divorce very difficult.

And I bash the guy on the head.

And I bumped into that guy at the video store.

And I can see clearly you know nothing about the law.

And I come across looking like a total jerk. Yeah, of course.

And I don't appreciate it. Ha, ha, ha!

And I don't get that. What are you doing, Frank? What is that?

And I don't really have anyone to talk to, so I...

And I don't understand that. It's like they live in a fantasy world, where,

And I ease into her real nice.

And I finished it right before you guys called.

And I get stung up, like, bad all over my face and stuff.

And I got scared.

And I have to sleep in this fleabag motel.

And I mean that as a compliment.

And I said, "They're your hamburgers. You clean 'em up."

And I start making some money off this place. What?

And I suppose you're gonna fiddle with the electricity every day all by yourselves...

And I tell you what, once all the other R. V. Folks see what this R.V. guy is doing,

And I think maybe we should have an intervention or something.

And I think with Dee's newfound flip cup skills,

And I totally talked the guy down to, like, half the asking price.

And I want to stay young. Well, stay old, bro.

And I want you to leave me alone 'cause this is really important for me.

And I was gonna do it for you, you son of a b All right, fine. I won't do it.

And I was looking for something to do tomorrow afternoon anyway.

And I was trying to put them back up into Shut up! Just shut up!

And I will respectfully decline the duel.

And I will toss on Green Man and run around the field...

And I'd be like, "Hey! Banana ass! How you doing?"

And I'll also take this. Thank you. Here. Do you want a glass?

And I'll be providing the money because I'm the breadwinner in the relationship.

And I'm gonna play "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal.

And I'm having a little bit of trouble keeping track.

And I'm having a little trouble pulling up the scene...

And I'm like, "Because his mouth is opening. " And then he did talk

And I'm not saying that you can't. I'm saying that it is illegal.

And I'm the trophy husband. He's my bottom.

And I've learned a little lesson.

And it can't just be any pear, dude. It's gotta be a fresh one.

And it involves you getting this letter to him when you get out there to kiss him.

And it's got me in a really bad place.

And it's just gonna pop out the back of your neck.

And it's perfectly natural for two grown men to need each other this badly.

And just distribute them amongst the shanties?

And Kitten Mittens I own that.

And let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.

And let the record show that that is because he only works out his glamour muscles.

And let the record show that we are waiving our right to an attorney.

And let's talk about steroids! Can we talk about steroids?

And listen to all the interesting things I have to say?

And look at this. I feel like he's living out of his car.

And lots of smoke for the bar. I'm giving the bar the good smoky smell that we all like.

And Mac is scaling the building.

And maybe we'll do an eagle screech. That'll be great.

And not a single one of them has anything to do with intervention.

And not turn the closed sign on when the bar is open!

And now I feel like I can't move past it.

And now she won't talk to me. Frank, I don't give a shit about any of this.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for.

And off with the Okay, here we are!

And once we're on my bed, it is game over.

And our young. We regurgitate, dude.

And **** my wife while she's sleeping.

And realizes that he's always wanted a younger brother.

And remember when you were shooting up with the homeless people...

And says, "This is my street. I'm gonna live here now 'cause I'm poor"?

And siphon it from all around the neighborhood.

And stick it in a guy's mouth for, like, just a second, you know what I mean?

And take showers with them! Lots of showers.

And talking about how he could choreograph the fight scenes...

And tell her you'll take care of him.

And thank you for your service.

And that'll put 'em in their place. How are you gonna do that?

And that's it. No reason to be animals about it. And they changed the locks.

And that's something that the two of us both have in spades.

And that's the perfect time to "I"...

And that's what we did. Yeah. We'd throw her in the dryer.

And that's when I run on the field and kiss a player. Oh!

And that's why you two guys are gonna be attached as producers.

And the economy is so bad...

And the first one hopefully hopefully will follow. Hey, hey. Hey, man.

And the security guard let you out.

And then Artemis got all bummed out...

And then as she's dying you nurse her back to health,

And then during the day, you squeeze it when you have any tension.

And then for the best part.

And then he brings it back up. And then we eat it.

And then he smells crime again. He's out busting heads.

And then he'll decompose and everything will be fine.

And then I made the sales tape when I heard about the merchandising convention.

And then I pick up the trash can...

And then I slink out into the night,

And then I start eating garbage.

And then I start thinking, "What's wrong with me? Am I not fun to drink with?"

And then I told them to go down, rip some copper pipes out.

And then I'll just write it down for you, yeah? Yes, that'll be fine.

And then I'll totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.

And then I'm gonna go back to being alone.

And then I'm gonna rip her out and he's gonna come right afterwards.

And then I'm gonna slip a second cat in with a string tied around it.

And then Mac, he's just like, "Just chill. " And I'm like, "How do we chill, dude?"

And then once they're in, they have to use real dollars to buy Paddy's Dollars.

And then printing more of these babies than we ever had in cash, we've upped our value.

And then she'd have to do all the Charlie work. Uh, that's what it is. Yeah.

And then that way I would know that you were okay.

And then that way, whenever Dolph's not out busting heads because he's smelled crime,

And then they make him a star again.

And then they vacate the premises. Mm hmm.

And then we can go swim in Deandra's pool.

And then we'll come out of the tunnel.

And then we'll get some new wicker chairs next time we're at a Gypsy hangout spot.

And then when I finally cave in, you don't even show up.

And then when we get to the restaurant, the restaurant is closed,

And then you get reckless, and it's a lot of fun.

And then you give them one of these. Boom!

And then you guys hopped in back, and I hopped in front with the hitchhiker.

And then you guys were getting here now, so I figured Did you go and come back?

And then you'll never see me again. Wow. Fifty fifty?

And then, Frank, we'll be in touch. Get it all together.

And then, naturally, we bang

And then, uh, I'll come back and rock on.

And then, uh, that's the last thing I do.

And then, you know, it starts bleeding. Oh.

And there you go. Good to see you. See you soon. Bye.

And there's a mutual respect left over between us. No.

And they I had to give them the house to settle the suit.

And think about the representation thing. Definitely, dude. Definitely.

And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes...

And this is a big deal to me as well. It's also my night.

And this is the best bang of all because it's very emotional for her.

And this time you're not around to cool him off.

And this very large breasted woman who's gonna be shooting the gun into your face.

And thought maybe we could mix things up.

And throwing the toe knife out the window, that's...

And treat people however the hell I want to treat 'em!"

And try the card at the Friday's out in the northeast...

And two, uh, nothing.

And use the Power Card at that Friday's out there.

And watch the DVD in my room.

And we actually had tickets.

And we are back in. Flipadelphia, here we come!

And we are here to show you this house.

And we burn the wicker chairs and cook the hot dogs on that?

And we don't have to stop at two.

And we put stools in a semicircle.

And we want to put, like, a lot of meat in the seats, you know?

And we were killing Iranians or whatever, we were proud.

And we were thinking maybe we can get you to wrestle in it.

And we'll go sell it to Shyamalan. Yeah.

And we're done! Ohh!

And we're gonna show a lot of it.

And we're gonna write this great song. It's gonna be about had badass we are.

And we're the ones that are running things now. I've lost my trust in you.

And we're zapping his nuts with a stun gun every couple of hours.

And what is this ordeal?

And what little bit of riot punch we had left at that point,

And what's the best way to celebrate America, boys?

And what's this shyster lawyer doing here?

And while we were stuck in that tiny little room for six days,

And why does it look like you've been crying all night?

And why is there grease all over...

And yellow ones for the Asians.

And you can shut the hell up, man.

And you could see that Mac was slowing down at the end there. What?

And you don't even know it.

And you guys hit it in there while the steak is getting ready?

And you have, you know, the crying episodes, and the what have you.

And you just gave me a thought, okay?

And you know what? I'm gonna toss in my countersuit.

And you let the client do all the work.

And you set it up so you can get these chicks back at any time?

And you think you're wicked awesome doing that!

And you're drinking wine out of a soda can.

And you're gonna act like my grandma, okay?

And you're gonna cook it tonight and make a tasty dinner...

And you're gonna filter the rainwater barrel all by yourselves.

And your addiction has affected us in the following ways.

And, uh, congratulations to you. Oh, right.

And, uh, I've been going over this thing.

And, you know, because you've been talking about the whole money thing a little bit...

And, you, promise not to break into my home...

And, you, promise not to break into my home...

And, you, you want a right to the cat gloves?

And? Then I drop a little wine on the carpet,

Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!

Any respect that you're feeling that's coming from me is a mistake on your part.

Any time is good, really. I don't have...

Anything. Whatever you say.

Anyway, great! This is settled.

Anyway, hi! How are you? What are you doing?

Anyway, I have been getting my revenge.

Anyway, I will have you all know that I also broke Brad's heart in high school. So...

Apple seeds Yo! Hey.

Apple seeds, man? That's no good. Are you kidding me?

Are we done with this? Have we gone through everything?

Are we moving?

Are we sticking with the eagles? Yes. We're Birds of War.

Are you Charlie Kelly? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Yeah.

Are you choking?

Are you going to buy this house? I don't know! I don't know!

Are you going to buy this house? We don't want any trouble.

Are you going to buy this house? Yes! Yes!

Are you going to yell the whole way there, Dee? Jesus Christ.

Are you gonna answer it though, because Okay. Unbelievable, dude.

Are you gonna buy the house? We're gonna go.

Are you guys hungry, huh?

Are you guys shitting me? Shit. All right. Start over.

Are you hearing this shit, bro?

Are you hearing this shit, bro?

Are you kidding me, dude? They're extremely poisonous!

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Goddamn it, Dee! Goddamn it!

Are you kidding me? This is what I was talking about.

Are you kidding me? You are not winning their hearts.

Are you listening to yourself? Jesus Christ!

Are you serious?

Are you serious? Do you mean that? Ha ha! Bring it in, man.

Are you shooting me? Shoot the girls. Shoot the girls.

Are you sure? 'Cause she's not typing very quickly.

Are you sure? 'Cause your garbage disposal's a mess. Pretty sure.

Are you sure? Mm hmm.

Are you telling me you all found a dungeon at the bottom of the Ollidy Inn?

Artie Sloan.

As an opportunity to make merchandise for Paddy's. Right.

As I tried to explain before, you cannot get honey from a hornets nest.

As long as we don't cover up that body with a lab coat, bro. No, dude.

As soon as the market turns around, I'm gonna make a boatload.

As we can possibly get. Mm hmm.

As you know, once the duel's been accepted, you know, there's no backing out.

As, of course, it always is on Sundays.

At a wrestling match that we're gonna throw

At Paddy's, I think we need to be selling a certain attitude, right?

At the funeral of her husband?

Aw, come on, man. Can I at least live with you guys?

Aw! I love you!

Awesome! I'm wasted!

Awesome.

Back it up. Don't joke about that. I'm not joking.

Back to back. Back to back? Okay.

Balls! Oh, no!

Barbara didn't like you. You despised her.

Barbara's ex lover.

Baseball bat in the corner. Oh.

Be silly not to have the other one there.

Beautiful pressed steel... Oh.

Because clearly, at this point, you should've realized that it doesn't work anywhere else.

Because he's he's rejecting his life as a savior of all of mankind.

Because I do not find that your story excuses your behavior.

Because I have a couple questions regarding the detes of my character.

Because I'm a little confused.

Because I've got the mother of all Shyamalan twists in my hand right here.

Because it's early and I am hungover.

Because it's not for women, it's for men.

Because it's private. Ah, that sounds like a whole thing. I'm not into it.

Because nothing that you just described sounds correct.

Because of something I did with the onions to myself.

Because she reminds me so much of your mom,

Because that looks terrible. Dress your age.

Because that's where the money is. What do you do?

Because the guy knocked 50 bucks off. So you had the option?

Because then, Dee, we're gonna have to pull over every single time we want a beer

Because they are ruining all of our lives.

Because we got the chick thing out of it, so this is good. Yeah, 30 seconds.

Because we keep watching Predator, and all you talk about is Weathers...

Because we would never take our homelessness and shove it down everybody's face.

Because what's the one major thing missing from all action movies these days, guys?

Because you already said that you would.

Because you can't be banging Gail the Snail.

Because you guys rammed my last one into a wall! That's why.

Because you had bad form, dude! What are you talking about?

Because you're having an affair, and we're gonna blackmail you for your services.

Because you're just mashing it now. It's not...

Because you've been coming in here and trying on wedding dresses every Saturday...

Because... I'm not Desert Rose.

Been writing a little movie script of my own,

Before she sees you. Hurry up, though, because...

Being an agent is crap. I want to be an extra, lay around doing dick.

Ben's the only one who's using it properly.

Better than I remember it. Oh, good!

Bingo, bitch.

Bingo. Look at this little room. This has got to be something, right?

Birdmen. What do you want?

Bitch! Pick it back up!

Black to yellow? No, dude. It's blue to something. You never let me do this, okay?

Blond Chinese hair and the skin of a hot dog.

Bonuses? Yeah!

Boo to you.

Boom! Okay.

Boom! That's what it's like to have a sidekick. Helped you out of a jam.

Boom. Boom!

Bottom line, M. Night's gonna love it

Boy, that was nuts, wasn't it?

Brace yourself! Brace yourself!

Brad Fisher. From high school.

Brad Fisher. No way.

Brad, did you know about her unfortunate problems with drugs and alcohol?

Brad, you can totally come since you guys decided to do that nontraditional mumbo jumbo.

Brains! Brains!

Brawn Muscles...

Briefly. Yeah.

Bring a gun. I don't wanna get shot, so just bring a gun, will you?

Bring it back here. We'll look at the paperwork. Is that what you want?

Bring it in. Ah, yeah! All right. Now, seriously.

Bro, I can do way more push ups than you, and that's like 16 different muscle groups.

Bro, I gotta cook up some hot dogs, man. All right.

Bro, ****? I wasn't talking about raping your wife.

Bro, that is That's nice.

Bro, they are bug bombing your building right now. They got the whole thing tented.

But But we don't have any money. All we have is this.

But This is great.

But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some,

But do you have any history with drugs or alcohol?

But either way, neither one of them can shrink heads.

But I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.

But I do like those wicker chairs. They might be more forgiving on my bottom.

But I feel like we've seen that 30 times in the last two months...

But I need you to save some of it for the customer.

But I really like Ryan Howard. You're kissin' Chase Utley, and that's it.

But I tell you what, let me pop a quick "H" on this box.

But I think I'm gonna need some proof that you're actually getting married.

But I think the easiest thing, really, is to just go get the deed.

But I think, um, we're really owed compensation for the entire ordeal.

But I'll be there. I'll back you up, man. Hey, thanks, man.

But I'm gonna get sued by Major League Baseball if I call him the Phanatic.

But I'm gonna throw an insane twist your way.

But I'm just saying that if House.

But I'm not scared anymore, baby.

But I'm sure he'll come out at some point.

But I'm working on it. What the hell does she have to do with anything?

But if I'm being honest, my problem's less with the fact...

But it has nothing to do with the troops, Frank.

But it really boosts your mobility.

But it sounds like it's a tunnel.

But it's those goddamn punk ass frat kids, man. They got to me, dude.

But listen, I'm gonna help you out of that jam.

But Mac always does it for me.

But maybe we gotta find, like, a cooler place?

But men will buy the underwear for their women in a bar...

But now I don't wanna hang out with you anymore.

But now we are.

But once you get inside, it's got a real ass on it.

But tell him about the Oh, yeah. About how we soar through the air,

But that doesn't mean that he's pulling some sort of a system.

But that is not a love letter in the way that you're thinking of it, okay?

But that's not all!

But that's what people want.

But the mountains, they've turned blue. Mojito me, please.

But the pain is a little agitating. That's overboard, I think.

But the point is, we did get stuck in that linen closet for six days.

But the three of us have a history. Sure.

But there is one critical element that's missing.

But these kids these days in fraternities, it's like they don't have any respect.

But they locked me in a closet.

But this bottle is cold activated.

But we didn't get the tickets, Charlie, because the guy saw you push me in front of his car.

But we're having a whole nontraditional kinda small thing.

But we're putting on a wrestling match...

But we're totally unwilling to pay full price for them, so...

But what about the baby?

But whatever, that's good. Bring that up when Brad's here.

But you do not want to live with a seabird, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...

But you don't understand. That's the only way you can handle her.

But you gave all that up to help others. All right, who do I help?

But you get my point, Your Honor,

But you gotta have functionality with your comedy, okay?

But you leave with Dave & Buster's money.

But you really gotta be careful just picking up hitchhikers.

But you're dead. Dead energy. Dead energy. Here we go.

But you're not gonna do that. You're gonna do the exact opposite.

But you're wrong.

But, but, but I I I mean, the title?

But, Dee, I mean, what, do you, like, not remember the past?

But, uh, we want to go weird with it. We want to get really freakish.

But, you know, you can't really read it from the inside.

By blasting them directly into your mouth!

By fixing your garbage disposal.

By luring Brad away from her. Ahh.

By the way Shut up!

By the way, you guys, can I just say, as a side note,

By throwing each other in front of cars...

Bye, Brad. Good to see you.

Called to talk to you. Wanted to see if you wanted to come over to Dee's apartment.

Calm down, dude.

Campfire. Let's do old school!

Can get safely back to the hotel without the Phillies fans hammering them.

Can I go now? Yeah, sure.

Can I have one? Yes, and you will notice the advantages almost immediately.

Can I stop you guys for one second? Mm hmm.

Can we go? Yeah!

Can we talk about steroid abuse? It's bullshit!

Can you bail us out, Frank? Because we're kind of screwed here.

Can you please let me get it started first?

Can you take your ladies outside?

Cancel all your plans.

Cat in the wall, eh? Okay. Now you're talking my language.

Cats do not abide by the laws of nature, all right? Hey.

Caylee, listen. Listen. Wait.

Change the name of it and then sell it.

Charlie and I do. We used to do backyard wrestling all the time, dude.

Charlie is your new business partner?

Charlie might go postal if he finds out about this and kill all of us.

Charlie pushed me in front of a goddamn car. That's what happened.

Charlie, Charlie. I was there once.

Charlie, could you focus on the lawyer's room, please?

Charlie, make a move. Just tell her you want to bang her.

Charlie, that sign does not say "Coors." Eh?

Charlie, we're gonna get you back on the dating scene, bro.

Charlie, who hammered you?

Charlie's in the house! Hey! Hey!

Check her out. I mean, she's gorgeous.

Check it out, Deandra.

Check out this one over here. Does he look Indian to you?

Check this out.

Chicken Boys! No.

Chicken fight! Chicken fight! Chicken fight!

Chomp into it. Yeah. Just bite it?

Christ's sakes, dude!

Clean as a whistle. That's amazing.

Clearing an individual and making it safe for passage.

Clearly you don't get it. So I don't want I don't get it?

Closed! It says "closed," Charlie!

Coke got tweaked by Pepsi. Transformers got tweaked by GoBots.

Come on in, Dee. Chicken fight! Chicken fight!

Come on, bitch. You want some?

Come on, bro. You're ordering milk steak and jellybeans? What the hell?

Come on, Dee!

Come on, Dee! Ease up on it, Dee! Ease up!

Come on, Dee! What are you doing, Dee? What are you doing?

Come on, kitty.

Come on, lady! Well...

Come on, man. Hey. Hey, guys.

Come on, man. Oh! We're gonna pay you, bro.

Come on, that's homophobic. I mean, come on. What the hell?

Come on, y'all!

Come on, you guys blew it, dude! We blew it?

Come on! Come on, Dee!

Come on! Come on! You gotta be kidding. You know what?

Come on! Don't think so hard! Don't think so hard!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. All right. See, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy.

Come on. Get in there. What are you doing?

Come on. Let's go. I don't know. They got a lot of good stuff here.

Come on. The Gypsy wants to barter. Let's barter with him.

Commercial power for the home.

Compensation. Because we went through some shit!

Congratulating me on my husband's death. Well, I was pretty baked

Congratulations, Dee. You've begun your transformation into crazy cat lady.

Cooking out on the grill, sleeping in sleeping bags. Old school.

Cool. Thank you. Okay.

Could be a scheme. Okay, you guys ready?

Could be, Frank. All I'm saying is that I'm ready for any situation.

Could we do that?

Could we get a place with some A.C. going?

Could we not base our decisions on what does and doesn't happen in episodes of Scooby Doo?

Could you get me a refill on that, guy? What is this?

Could you help us pop a quick intervention on Charlie for his illiteracy?

Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.

Covered me all in blood.

Crab meat! Crab meat! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Cricket, cricket, cricket, crickety

Cricket, you son of a bitch. You think you're so tough, huh? Ahh!

Cricket! What's up, Cricket?

Cricket's gone crazy, man.

Crime Stinks: The Smell of Penetration.

Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration.

Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! What the hell are you doing?

Cut! Cut! For the love of Christ!

D E N N I S.

Damn it!

Damn it. I don't know if I'm on board with this plan, man.

Damn! Shut up! Guess what!

Damn.

Damn. It's dark, and we haven't even left Philly yet.

Dave & Buster's. Dave & Buster's is thriving. Why do you think that is?

Deal. Yes!

Deandra, this is gonna work.

Deandra, we're out of here. Yeah.

Deandra, what the hell are you doing? What are you drinking?

Deandra, you got any bacon bits?

Deandra? Thank you so much for responding to our ad in the paper.

Dee, do you want to go? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I wanna go, but not with you!

Dee, I don't like you. Well, how is that possible?

Dee, it's, like, 100 degrees outside.

Dee, relax. Okay? We're gonna start a bidding war, drive up the price of your womb.

Dee, save yourself the embarrassment. Yeah, yeah.

Dee, this chick is so in love with me, she doesn't even know it.

Dee, we don't know what it is that you do around here. You don't seem to do anything.

Dee, we got you to sign that contract so we could pay you less than minimum wage.

Dee, why do you give a shit that the waitress is getting married?

Dee, will you forget the goddamn cat for a second...

Dee, you involved us in this the second you walked in and told us about the movie.

Dee, you're getting played. You're getting played big time.

Dee! Sharpest item in the bar! I need it now! Let's go!

Dee. Dee. Dee. Dee.

Deep shit, man. That's awesome.

Dennis and I are gonna start beating the shit out of each other.

Dennis doesn't give a shit. Right?

Dennis fires back that he wants some privacy so that they can get to know each other better.

Dennis has that "I don't give a shit" attitude,

Dennis was gonna stand next to me and make snide comments. Yeah. That's right.

Dennis, are women gonna wanna buy their underpants in a bar?

Dennis, Charlie, why don't you go to the parking lot, get us a good spot.

Dennis, come on! Give it to me with both barrels!

Dennis, come on! Give it to me with both barrels!

Dennis, I've been looking all over for you. Where you been?

Dennis, in body mass alone...

Dennis, in that scenario, we'd have to kill the kids 'cause they would've seen our faces.

Dennis, let's go. You believe this guy? Jesus!

Dennis, these guys are badass shitheads! Oh, man! You got any ludes?

Dennis, what You got the AIDS big time!

Dennis? You want to be a producer? Yeah.

Desert Rose? Yeah.

Dick towel! Dot com.

Dicktowel.com.

Dicktowel.com.

Did an ocular pat down on him. Amazing, right?

Did he send you any dick pics? 'Cause it could be a mess down there.

Did you eat the stickers that are all over it? Yeah, it was gross!

Did you feel that? So we jimmied your lock and spent the night in here.

Did you get it? Oh, yeah!

Did you kick in my door?

Did you make yourself throw up?

Did you say an entire sleeve though? An entire sleeve.

Did you wanna Right. Okay.

Did you write a love letter to Chase Utley? Is that...

Did you? Yeah. I was nervous about the big breasted lady.

Ding ding ding!

Dinner time. Go on, guy.

Do I know you people?

Do me a favor, man. Can you go upstairs and look down onto the lawn?

Do not plug an open wound with trash.

Do not talk on your phone during the shot.

Do shots as they were intended...

Do that for me, okay, baby boy?

Do we ambush him and then sort of like berate him...

Do what now?

Do you understand? Okay.

Do you want time to think it over? No!

Do you want to paint us up? Yes.

Do your thing. All right.

Do yourself a favor and flush it out.

Does a legal document hold up in a court of law if it has been ingested by the other party?

Does anybody else feel really uncomfortable?

Does your cat walk around too much? Does your cat make too much noise?

Does your thing involve us in any way,

Doing crazy, fun things.

Doing scary voices.

Dolph Lundgren will be the voice of this dog.

Don't approach her that way. That's not gonna work. Am I getting the shirt?

Don't blame yourself.

Don't do it, Charlie. I'm mad that this guy. He's got a stranglehold...

Don't do that.