Man with a Plan (2016) - Season 2 Edit

A And it's not Atlantic City, Dad, it's Vegas.

A And one time on an airplane when I was tickling her.

A ball of rats, Katie Burns."

A BB gun for Teddy?

A bed skirt?

A boat full of itchy women scratching together.

A book?

A carpool would make my life so much easier.

A chunk of coal under constant pressure.

A colonoscopy. I think my dad had one of those.

A couple of business partners there to support her.

A cuddly, bone chilling love monster.

A dancer at the Tassel Castle.

A diva on our hands.

A dusty old seed

A fair amount of times.

A full bag of valentines were nice or foxy.

A full week before me.

A glitch? Is that a thing?

A good night's sleep like that in forever.

A grandparent free weekend

A handsome doctor.

A hero, huh?

A hot button issue for her.

A lady. Really?

A little something on your... What? What?

A lot more smell.

A lot of balls in the air, a lot of stories. It's complicated.

A lot of important work for our country.

A lot. It's not about the numbers.

A man who's willing to step up

A monkey knows how to work a banana.

A mosaic backsplash that has the same gray

A pair of earrings.

A physical manifestation of my fear of public speaking.

A pill organizer.

A race to the door, okay?

A real job where people don't come live with me

A scratcher in the middle of a prank war.

A secret from Grandma and Grandpa.

A semi permanent mustache on my face.

A session.

A store that sells nothing

A toast to Princess Emme.

A vice president had to sign off on it.

A walk, Adam.

A what?

A whole "eat, pray, drink" thing.

A young, healthy fox?

A young, hot girl hanging around my husband, but...

Aah!

Aah!

Aah.

Aah. Andi's giant treadmill's down there.

About a new project.

About a situation we're having.

About a spontaneous event.

About all the stuff I have to worry about.

About asking my boss for a raise.

About firing her over this!

About getting rid of his guns and we can go.

About how exposing yourself to the fine arts

About how it's not practical

About letting Kate play on the boys' soccer team.

About Lowell's struggle with spitting.

About me playing on the boys' soccer team?

About selling your business, I I'd stay out of it.

About some bread related issues I'm...

About some kind of group thing?

About something Don says he remembers seeing years ago.

About the kids staying with you guys next week.

About these holidays, okay?

About this April Fools' stuff.

About this boy kissing business. Okay?

About what's good for me even if it's bad for me.

About you and the babysitter.

Absolutely. We're family.

According to her husband, she loves that,

Actually, I agree with Adam.

Actually, I told Andi it's easy and she could do it,

Actually, I was hoping that you'd go to the paint store

Actually, it's true.

Actually, this year, I don't want to do anything.

Actually, um, speaking of that,

Actually, um, you guys should get checked.

Actually, you know, I feel great.

Actually, your mom would love that.

Adam TV Adam let's just give it another try.

Adam Burns, the real hero.

Adam called me and he said that there is a surprise for you.

Adam has a fear of clowns.

Adam will help him.

Adam, are

Adam, are

Adam, did you hear that?

Adam, Don, you remember Leif. Sure we do.

Adam, honey, you don't have to play this game, all right?

Adam, I am not telling my parents to leave, okay?

Adam, I have a job and three children.

Adam, look what Emme just brought down

Adam, relax.

Adam, there's Brian.

Adam, this is Sophia.

Adam, we need to talk.

Adam, we're gonna be late. Come on!

Adam, we're rich!

Adam, were you trying

Adam, what are you doing?

Adam, you bought, like, eight of them.

Adam, you named the file "Andi Does Dishes and More."

Adam, you really don't have to do this.

Adam, you've got to tell your dad how you feel.

Adam, your parents aren't coming to Easter

ADAM: All right.

ADAM: And then Andi said

ADAM: Andi doesn't believe me,

ADAM: But look, all we're saying is

ADAM: But that's what you do

ADAM: Hey, I found some champagne in the garage!

ADAM: Hey, Rudy. Hey, guys.

ADAM: Hey!

ADAM: Hey.

ADAM: Hey.

ADAM: I can't believe

ADAM: I know

ADAM: Listen, Don.

ADAM: Okay, come on, guys.

ADAM: Okay, listen.

ADAM: Okay.

ADAM: So,

ADAM: That's right.

ADAM: There she is.

ADAM: Wait a minute.

ADAM: What? Emme,

ADAM: Which means

ADAM: Yeah.

ADAM: You got us going to the opera

Adam!

Adam!

Adam!

Adam?

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam. Well, okay.

Adam... get him out of there.

Adapt.

Adding words isn't gonna help.

Adios, Brian.

After a multiyear recliner conspiracy,

After I take out the kids' trash, I'll make their beds.

After Lisa's speech tonight,

After Teddy used it to boil Emme's Barbies.

After we get your airport soda,

After years of having to wait in the car and watch them do it,

After you do it, be sure to come back up here

Afterward. Afterward.

Again, I was trying to sleep with you.

Again, slightly negative spin.

Agreed. But it's a shame, you know?

Ah ha! I caught you.

Ah, damn. I should've sprung for the swiveler.

Ah, good.

Ah, I haven't had one of these

Ah, I hope Lisa picks something cool for us to build,

Ah, I knew it. See?

Ah, I'm so glad I didn't miss you guys.

Ah, it's okay.

Ah, it's okay. I'm used to hostility.

Ah, just a great day to be alive.

Ah, look at us.

Ah, never mind, it's too romantic.

Ah, no talking, no stew.

Ah, not so fast.

Ah, regret face, the rarest of all the wife faces.

Ah, see? I'm not the only one who likes this stuff.

Ah, she's too good.

Ah, so you're snakies like me.

Ah, there she is.

Ah, there's the special sauce.

Ah, we went to the chairs, and the Globetrotters won again.

Ah, we're just kidding. Ah!

Ah, what are you gonna do, right?

Ah, y you do dream about bakeries a lot.

Ah, you can't put a price on that smile.

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. And then we came home and we did some more dancing.

Ah. I know where we can get it.

Ah. Now they're both in the hole.

Ah. Ooh.

Ah. So this was for you, not me.

Ah. Uh huh?Okay, I me, your wife

Ah. Yeah.

Ah. Yeah.

Ah. Yeah.

Ah. You'll thank me someday.

Ah...

Ah.And we'll drive home together.

Ah.But guys, listen,

Ah.I'd thank you in a handsier way, but your brother's here.

Aha! I got it. What?

ALICE: Andi.

All he had to say was,

All I can hear is "bong bong bong."

All I had was you.

All I'm saying is that your parents live here, all right?

All right, all right, all right,

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, I'll hug you this time,

All right, all right, listen up, listen up. Um...

All right, all right.

All right, all right.

All right, all right. Don't panic, don't panic.

All right, all right. Nobody likes a touchdown dance.

All right, don't get all Adam on this.

All right, eat something. Okay.

All right, have a good day, kids.

All right, have a great day.

All right, her only job is to heat up Hot Pockets,

All right, I I know Don definitely saw it.

All right, I'll meet you upstairs.

All right, I'll talk to her, but I think you're overreacting.

All right, I'll tell you what, I'll buy you the boots

All right, I'm gonna go get your mom.

All right, I'm hurrying.

All right, I'm off to the lumberyard.

All right, let's get started.

All right, let's go close this deal.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's just get the scratcher out of the mailbox

All right, listen, guys.

All right, listen.

All right, look, Zara's gonna be here any minute

All right, look. Just keep her moving

All right, looks like Atlantic City is back on.

All right, Lowell, I can handle this.

All right, now use your freakish height to find Lisa.

All right, okay, you know what?

All right, reach in.

All right, ready?Ugh.

All right, see you tomorrow.

All right, stay calm, Andi.

All right, thanks for taking the kids to school.

All right, that's enough.

All right, that's the guns all locked up.

All right, then the strike is over.

All right, then, I guess I'm leaving.

All right, this is the fun part.

All right, this is the one.

All right, we can do this.

All right, we'll have 15 seconds

All right, we're almost done. We just got one more.

All right, we're heading down to Lisa's awards banquet.

All right, when I was seven,

All right, you better get out of here

All right, you got it. It's all in the trash now.

All right, you want to go give this a try?

All right? Especially to the wife.

All right? He gets sleepy after a big breakfast.

All right? I am this.

All right? I will dump this in the sink right now.

All right? It's not just a haircut.

All right? The the bedtime battle,

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All Dad has to do is sign on the dotted line.

All right. All... all right.

All right. I feel strong, man.

All right. I just wish we had another place to hang out.

All right. I'll be right back.

All right. I'm going.

All right. Listen up.

All right. Lowell.

All right. Uh, here.

All right. Uh, how how sweaty do you want me?

All right. We should get to work.

All right. Yeah.All right?

All right.And maybe get yourself a mint.

All righty, here you go.

All she wants is to drink wine, so just her normal night.

All the creepy crawlies before I got married.

All the ladies love Adam.

All these years like an idiot.

All this babying is not good for the kids.

All this time, and I never knew.

All we got for breakfast

All we got to do is convince this guy

All we got to do is tell him we got a girl.

All while maintaining perfect hair.

ALL: April fools!

ALL: We surrender.

ALL: Yes, you do.

Almost all the way through their lives together.

Almost went on a walk.

Along with my brother Adam.

Along with my brother Adam.

Along with my brother, Adam.

Along with my brother, Adam.

Alpha male providing for his family.

Already having it. You like it as much as me.

Already picked out most of the good stuff, anyway.

Already?

Also, Katie needs braces.

Also, there's no budget for lunch.

Also, um, look through these brochures

Also, you told me.

Although I do hope she got breadsticks.

Although I would love to play the piano.

Although my therapist would tell me

Although, after your behavior on the phone,

Although, I don't know why he's saying it in front of you.

Although, Mom is getting older.

Although, often, they just think I'm Rachel Maddow.

Always assume that every gun is loaded.

Am I

Am I about to come up behind you?

Am I not saying, "What?"

Am I?

Amazing. I feel very centered,

Amber something?

Amen, brother.

Amends made. Good night.

Amends? That's never good.

Among my many flaws, I'm also a kleptomaniac.

An "A"! As in I will kick you in the "A"!

An abandoned house? Why why would you bring me here?

An allowance to keep your room clean.

An And, if if I may...

An e mail today confirming it. See?

An elephant who doesn't have to pack a bag

And let's be honest she's kind of a frowner.

And this is the best part

And "otter ly adorable."

And a floor mirror.

And a green screen.

And a little bit Adam.

And a secret budget hotel.

And act like we didn't know?

And action.

And Adam lived happily ever after.

And afford their own M&M'S. Sure!

And after, we can have nachos.

And all because I won one discussion.

And all because we never stick with it.

And all the numbers just fell to the bottom.

And all the organizing?

And almost every time, they have something you can catch.

And and and my love bubble became a...

And and and...

And and I I'm glad that Sophia's advice

And and in Sleeping Beauty,uh,

And and take your time. And if you get tired,

And and you look like you're trying to land a plane.

And Andi doesn't know.

And arrange them around the altar.

And ask him to bring me a regular size pizza?

And because you never put anything

And being number two is not bad.

And believe you me, I've got guff to give.

And believing less than half of what you say.

And broke hers.

And call it Take That, Bonehead!

And caught on fire.

And Chad's faces when they knew they had steady work coming.

And check this out.

And Chicken Legs told Nose Job that the whole band smokes it.

And Chip's brother, Don Gaines.

And choose a new color for the bathroom.

And choose a summer camp for the kids.

And claimed Grandma and Grandpa for themselves.

And come join the rest of us over by the comic books.

And coming like a magician's scarf?

And cooking him food.

And do it on a night when everyone can go.

And do what's right for his family.

And Don's a cold, distant uncle.

And don't forget I'm bringing in money now, too.

And don't say it's because it's fun.

And drinking beer and staying out all night.

And even if you win a point, they keep coming at you,

And even if you're wrong, you're still more right than him.

And ever when we do, it doesn't last forever.

And everybody dies.

And everyone else was smoking pot.

And everyone liked it.

And everyone was smiling at me.

And everything got expensive.

And everything.

And falling asleep at 10:30 in the morning.

And find out who watched it, then...

And for the last year, we've been saying

And Forrest Gump over there isn't bringing the magic.

And frankly, it saddens me.

And gave them the finger. Yeah.

And generally unpleasant.

And get me my morning Dr. Pepper.

And get the fun machine turned back on. Yeah.

And get yourself some Ding Dangs or a Twonkie.

And getting all sweaty.

And getting some plays ready.

And give his new girlfriend a big licey hug.

And give you a big kiss, too, Principal Marcy.

And have dinner with my folks and the kids.

And he does me like this?

And he got bologna?

And he has my iPad. H Have you seen it?

And he has to confront the reality of getting older.

And he just made me his number two.

And he needs to entertain himself.

And he said the administration would discuss

And he wasn't when he married us the first time.

And he's giving a tour of the locker room.

And he's got the brain of a penguin.

And hello, Bed Bath & Beyond.

And her birthday snuck up on me. I've made some mistakes.

And her eyebrows were going all over her face, like this.

And her son Evan is the one you call Chicken Legs.

And here come the Italians.

And here I am.

And here we go.

And his name's Rudy. I found that out

And his nose was all stuffed up

And history and companionship.

And how often did you "kinda like it"?

And I already took the tags off my new outfit.

And I also know

And I am ordering them to come over here for Easter.

And I bet there'll be some women on there.

And I bought a giant ham for dinner. (chuckles)

And I came out just looking for a bathroom.

And I came right over.

And I can pretend this whole thing never happened.

And I cried more.

And I did do it without you.

And I didn't even know it that's how good I am.

And I don't care who knows it.

And I don't want that fake gold

And I don't want to accuse him without proof.

And I don't want to lose you in between projects,

And I don't want to talk about it.

And I felt I owed you an explanation.

And I felt sorry for him

And I get a free beer koozie.

And I get it. It's it's... it's hard on your own.

And I got nods from you and you.

And I have a solution.

And I have been on three.

And I have to be the jerk that tells him.

And I have to figure out a way to deal with that.

And I haven't had time to get you something.

And I I think I made him feel bad about it.

And I I told a little fib.

And I just discovered I can be a lot to take.

And I just kick it to the bottom.

And I just want to thank you for being...

And I kept getting people's orders wrong.

And I knew Kate would be mad if I got a sitter,

And I knitted this sweater vest.

And I know some people might judge me.

And I know you had a conversation

And I left her at the police station.

And I look like I'm trying to murder 101 Dalmatians.

And I love it. Yeah.

And I noticed that the whole crew wasn't wearing shirts.

And I opened your iPad and up popped the video

And I own Burns Brothers Construction

And I own Burns Brothers Construction

And I own Burns Brothers Construction,

And I own Burns Brothers Construction,

And I peed behind a thorn bush.

And I really need you to sign off on that slab,

And I repeat, used to lick the shrubs.

And I said "Hey, hands off" and she said "What?"

And I should've stopped talking, but I still win!

And I spent the next month living on my boat.

And I still don't understand why you like it.

And I taught you that.

And I think I feel a heartbeat.

And I think my parents deserve Easter this year.

And I think we both know what's gonna happen if she has.

And I think you're the one that has to talk to your dad.

And I thought it was you.

And I thought, "You know what would be great down here?

And I want to be honest with you.

And I wanted to fool around.

And I was good at it.

And I was happy because I didn't have to chime in,

And I will wrestle your mother into that bra.

And I...

And I... you know, I put it in as a token of good will.

And I'll come take Teddy and Emme from you.

And I'll defend her by yelling at you.

And I'll pay you even when you're not working.

And I'll push my teeth together with my fingers. Huh? See.

And I'll talk to Teddy about using deodorant.

And I'll tell you something else.

And I'll tell you something else.

And I'll tell you something, I did not.

And I'm a little frightened of public speaking. Oh.

And I'm gonna prove it to you.

And I'm grateful for that.

And I'm hearing about it for the rest of my life.

And I'm not gonna apologize for that.

And I'm out of this dinner, too.

And I'm paying 'em to do nothing. That's a problem.

And I'm pretty sure something in the bottom of the sink

And I'm sure it was Zara.

And I'm winning it.

And I've always had a thing

And I've been quite active.

And I've been thinking about it.

And I've got no secret second family,

And I've rechecked the concrete.

And if I don't hear feelings, the stew gets it.

And if I feel threatened, it's because it's my fault

And if I get Andi, I can move on to step ten.

And if I'm remembering right, and I hope I am,

And if she does have lice, we'll come clean.

And if that's not good enough for you,

And if they come crashing down, they're gonna land on you.

And if this is a talking loud competition, I will win it!

And if this will make things okay between us,

And if we did, it would be something cool,

And if we don't, you get in trouble?

And if you think about it, it's kind of romantic. Huh?

And in other news, a river boat was quarantined...

And in the name of women's liberation,

And Instagram the heck out of it?

And interview her. Fine.

And invited everybody on the street except us.

And is only missing one finger.

And it goes without saying that Don and Marcy can't know

And it has happened

And it is my professional opinion that you are cuckoo!

And it just kept coming and coming

And it looks like it made Adam really mad.

And it looks like... somebody took our house

And it took forever to call each number.

And it usually doesn't end well for you.

And it was you who paused it.

And it's actually a great idea.

And it's been 14 years of that.

And it's better if they stand on their own.

And it's incredibly thoughtful, and I love it.

And it's kind of shady, like me.

And it's not bad for everything else, too.

And it's not for you to play the goalie.

And it's very boring.

And it's your fault.

And Joe wants to get out of town for a few days.

And keep everything we've talked about between us,

And kitchens before Lisa.

And let her go on her way?

And let you shoot me in it.

And lives in Maine with her beloved parakeet."

And lose that one.

And made her look bad.

And make new babies with Mr. Alpha.

And make sure you listen to her.

And make their lives a little less comfortable.

And making me give her babies.

And many glasses of wine.

And me.

And Mom never has to know.

And most of the people I talked to

And my brother Adam and I own Burns Brothers Construction.

And my brother liked it.

And my dad's Subaru.

And my gut tells me she has not been mingled with

And my hand's stuck. My hand's stuck!All right. All right.

And my kids tried to give me a fake winner this morning.

And my mom has the milk.

And my wife is very liberated.

And no matter what she says,

And none of that is happening because you don't like me.

And none of them are any good. Yeah, well,

And not just with the neighbors.

And not that I'm ready to go, but have you seen my car keys?

And not with his face.

And now he's assistant manager at a pumpkin patch.

And now I just got to figure out a gift for Mom.

And now only Adam.

And now they're getting out. Great.

And now we have a pink bathroom in our house, that I love.

And now we're neighbors.

And now you have literally replaced me.

And now you're you're just, you're blossoming

And older kids sneak alcohol into dances.

And one of the things it said was,

And one on the garage facing the back door.

And pudding.

And remember Don is the one who came up with it.

And said you were being too cute in your dress

And search for it.

And see if they posted anything new.

And see if we can pull out of this nosedive.

And see who needs new kitchens?

And she came back down in a coconut bra.

And she does not like that, which is sad,

And she explained that the itching was

And she needs to come back.

And she said, "Oh, I have to do it because I'm a woman?"

And she told me that she found a bag of weed

And she was happy because she got to decide stuff

And she would sneak into my room every night

And she'll see that she's wrong.

And she's already bent out of shape because

And she's gonna be hanging out with Danny's friends.

And she's gonna realize it was because of us.

And she's on a river cruise with her gal pals.

And she's running circles around me, bouncing balls off my head.

And shook it like a snow globe.

And since you gave us this scratcher,

And skip class all the time.

And slingshots and blacklight posters.

And snap you into your cowboy shirt.

And snuggle with me?"

And so far, not one of them has been kidnapped.

And so far, what I've seen, I do not like.

And somehow I've taken that around the block a few times.

And something about his son being dead to him,

And spend the weekend in bed.

And spent our resources on him.

And start vacuuming their rooms. Okay.

And stay away from the door, all right?

And strap ourselves to the water heater.

And take a ride down Bonkers Boulevard.

And take advice from a friend.

And take out their trash?

And take your time with it.

And tell her; she'll understand.

And tell him he needs to find a better... me.

And tell me how it went.

And tell us what fresh air smells like.

And that allowance money that you're not getting,

And that guy's gonna need a secretary.

And that I'm right. That's my favorite part.

And that includes taking your trash outside.

And that put her in a bad mood,

And that will be exhausting!

And that's a B team holiday compared to Christmas,

And that's how we know we're doing a good job.

And that's how we're doing that from now on. (scoffs): Yeah.

And that's how you do that.

And that's it for those.

And that's it?

And that's the holy trinity.

And that's what happened.

And that's what she spreads.

And that's what's important.

And that's what's important.

And that's why I love you.

And that's why I used to wet the bed,

And the bathroom is just around the corner.

And the cheese is the color of the bathroom,

And the key to that is less of me.

And the kids are gonna be off for the next three days.

And the kids know that.

And the last time they got these bugs,

And the new owners eliminated our whole department.

And the next thing I know, I'm driving home

And the only thing that you can really depend on

And the radiation is turning them all

And the upstairs remote. Teddy!

And then whoosh

And then Andi basically says I'm too old

And then ask me serious questions.

And then Bev fed me.

And then eat it in front of you. Mm hmm.

And then I grabbed it, and told you that I gave it to Joy.

And then I held back the necessities.

And then I just start to laugh like an idiot.

And then I'm gonna swing by my ex husband's house

And then I'm packing for Florida.

And then paused in the middle.

And then Terry Bradshaw would see it and be my friend.

And then the Bingo, and then the hospital.

And then the third night is

And then they keep asking, "Why Why?"

And then they were real low, and then...

And then this 90 year old woman grabbed my thigh.

And then Tuesday night because I didn't have to

And then we flip it for a profit.

And then we made out for a while, so it's real.

And then we nama stayed there for a couple hours.

And then we'll just ask her if she was a dancer.

And then when I tell her the real thing,

And then working backwards from there.

And then you can cash in this coupon.

And then you handed it down to, well, my brother.

And then you take care of it however you want.

And then you tie it all together

And then you'd get the light from the backyard.

And then, finally, you had to wrestle me

And then, I just got crazy jealous,

And then, instead of dessert, it's the necklace.

And then, you know, we keep doing that.

And there are some people it just doesn't affect.

And there is always a storm coming.

And there was an article about keeping relationships spicy.

And there's no way you're quitting.

And they all have families.

And they all have followers, too.

And they almost got away with it,

And they are all totally different.

And they are not gonna be friends.

And they bang around in there, and then... and then

And they don't care.

And they float.

And they hate everybody else for me.

And they have an egg hunt.

And they said they have big plans for our lab.

And they still won't do their chores?

And they won't try and fight you.

And they're used to crazy roommates.

And this happened.

And this has given me the most pleasure.

And this page is our extras.

And this time,

And to register my disapproval,

And try not to look like you're falling out of a plane.

And try not to look sexy.

And turn it into a tiny casino.

And victory will be mine.

And we are finally gonna make this mess their problem

And we blame you.

And we can save even more money on Halloween.

And we did.

And we don't like to talk about it. It's very painful.

And we ended up just punishing ourselves.

And we have decided to partner up.

And we just got good again.

And we love you.

And we need to talk about it.

And we see how she picks it up?

And we thought you might be a good match for her.

And we took that as a challenge.

And we will call it...