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Home > Monty Python and the Holy...
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A blessing from the lord
A cave which no man has entered
A duck!
A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut
A newt
A path! a path!
A scratch your arm's off
A spanking!
A spanking! a spanking!
A what
A what a grail
A what?
A witch!
A witch! a witch!
A witch! we found a witch we got a witch we found a witch
A year passed
Ah well actually I am a knight of the round table
Ah! but can you not also make bridges of stone
All right
All right sonny that's enough pack that in
All right we'll call it a draw
All right! not biscuits but let's kill him anyway
All right! we'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits
Almighty god we thank thee that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy
Am I right
Amen (2)
Anarcho syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom
And after the spanking the oral sex the oral sex!
And again! over we go!
And don't apologize every time I talk to someone it's sorry this and forgive me that and i'm not worthy
And here in castle anthrax we have one punishment for setting alight the grail shaped beacon
And his nostrils ****d and his bottom burned off and his penis
And I feel sure that the merger the union between the princess and the brave but dangerous sir lancelot of camelot
And if you think you got a nasty taunting this time you ain't heard nothing yet stuffy english knights!
And make sure he doesn't leave
And my special guest here today
And no singing!
And now remain gone illegitimate faced bugger folk!
And sir robin the not quite so brave as sir lancelot
And so arthur and bedevere and sir robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene 24
And so we're looking for it yes we are we have been for some time ages
And st attila raised the hand grenade up on high saying
And that's what you're gonna get lad
And the aptly named sir not appearing in this film
And the grail the grail is there
And the holy grail returns to those whom god has chosen
And the lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloth's and carp and anchovies and orangutan's and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and
And the lord spake saying 'first shalt thou take out the holy pin '
And then spank me and spank me! and me and me
And there was much rejoicing
And therefore
And this enchanter of whom you speak he has seen the grail
And this is my trusty servant patsy
And this isn't my nose it's a false one
And we shall watch and pray
And we will return with a shrubbery one that looks nice and not too expensive
And what do you burn apart from witches more witches!
And who had personally wet himself at the battle of badon hill
And you clear off!
And you, clear off!
And you!
And you'll come and get him
Answer me these questions three #bridge #troll #answer my questions #i have questions
Answer Me These Questions Three #bridge of death #troll #stop
Anyway you've got bad breath
Are there what are they tell us do they hurt
Are you from camelot
Are you saying ni to that old woman
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate
Are you sure he's got one
Are you sure that's absolutely necessary
Arthur arthur king of the britons
Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the holy grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion
Arthur having consulted his closest knights decided that they should separate and search for the grail individually
Arthur king of the britons
Arthur! Arthur!
As the horrendous black beast lunged forward escape for arthur and his knights seemed hopeless
Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid
Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid (2)
At last! a call! a cry of distress!
At least ours was better visually
At least ours was committed it wasn't a string of pussy jokes
Away away varletesses!
Back to your bed!
Bad bad zoot!
Bathing dressing undressing making exciting underwear
Be quiet!
Be quiet! (2)
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet
Bedevere my liege
Behold arthur this is the holy grail look well arthur for it is your sacred task to seek this grail
Behold the cave of caerbannog!
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate clark gable
Beyond the forest they met lancelot and galahad and there was much rejoicing
Bloody peasant!
Bloody weather
Blue no! yellow!
Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair
Brave brave brave brave sir robin
Brave concorde you shall not have died in vain!
Brave sir robin
Brave sir robin ran away no! bravely ran away away
Bravely bold sir robin rode forth from camelot
Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave
Bring her forward
Bring Out Your Dead #death #sick #virus #covid19 #coronavirus
Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead! (2)
Bring up the holy hand grenade
Brother maynard you're our scholar
Brother maynard!
Burn her anyway burn her!
Burn her! burn her!
Burn her! burn her! burn her!
But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting
But father
But father I don't want any of that
But I don't like her
But I don't want any of that i'd rather i'd rather just sing
But I don't want land
But I don't want to think i've lost a son so much as gained a daughter
But I don't want to think I've lost a son..
But i'm awfully sorry
But many times we're given rhymes that are quite unsingable
But mother father lad
But now we're glad
But other illustrious names were soon to follow
But the fourth one stayed up
But the grail where is the grail
But then of course african swallows are non migratory so they couldn't bring a coconut anyway
But there is one small problem
But they were still no nearer the grail
But you are tired and you must rest awhile
By a civil majority in the case of internal affairs
By a two thirds majority in the case of
By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!
By what name are you known
Camelot camelot camelot
Can you hang around a couple of minutes he won't be long
Certainly sir
Charge! (2)
Chicken! chicken!
Coconuts Migrate? #birds #no horse #carrying a coconut
Come come you must try to rest
Come here
Come on back! right back!
Come on concorde!
Come on put this man in the van
Come on then
Come on then (2)
Come on you pansy!
Come patsy
Come patsy (2)
Concorde speak to me!
Consult the book of armaments armaments 2 9 21
Course it's a good idea
Cut down a tree with a herring it can't be done
Cut that out!
Cut that out! cut that out!
Cut your own head off yes do us all a favour
Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened king arthur
Dennis forget about freedom don't drop that mud
Depart at this time and don't be approaching any more or we fire arrows in the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already
Did you dress her up like this
Did you kill all those guards
Did you say shrubberies?
Didn't know we had a king I thought we were an autonomous collective
Didn't mean to you put your sword right through his head!
Do you suppose he meant the camargue
Do you think this scene should have been cut
Do your worst!
Does it say anything else no just 'aaargh'
Does wood sink in water
Don't be afraid of him sir lancelot i've got a rope ready
Don't be such a baby
Don't it's like those miserable psalms they're so depressing
Don't like her what's wrong with her she's beautiful she's rich she's got huge tracts of land
Don't say that word
Dr piglet!
Dr winston!
Dramatically sir dramatically
Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history
Excuse me could somebody give me a push please
Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes
Farewell sweet concorde!
Fetchez la vache! quoi fetchez la vache!
Fiends! i'll tear them apart
Fine I don't want to waste any more of your time but I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a um
Firstly you must find another shrubbery!
Firstly, you must find another shrubbery
Five is right out
Follow! but follow only if ye be men of valour
For beyond the cave lies the gorge of eternal peril which no man has ever crossed
For since her own father who when he seemed about to recover suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him
For since the tragic death of her father
For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived
Found them in mercia the coconut is tropical
Four shalt thou not count neither count thou two excepting that thou then proceed to three
Four with a coconut on a line between them
French persons!
Gawain ector and bors that's five three three three
Get a blanket over that one
Get back
Get on with it
Get on with it!
Get on with it! (2)
Get on with it! (3)
Get stuffed
Go and boil your bottoms sons of a silly person
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by god with a sacred quest
Go on bors chop its head off
Go on clear off! go away
Go! quick!
God be praised
God be praised!
God be praised!
God be with you