Monty Python and the Holy Grail Soundboard Edit

A blessing from the lord

A cave which no man has entered

A duck!

A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut

A newt

A path! a path!

A scratch your arm's off

A spanking!

A spanking! a spanking!

A what

A what a grail

A what?

A witch!

A witch! a witch!

A witch! we found a witch we got a witch we found a witch

A year passed

Aaargh

Action!

Ah well actually I am a knight of the round table

Ah! but can you not also make bridges of stone

Ahhh!

All right

All right sonny that's enough pack that in

All right we'll call it a draw

All right! not biscuits but let's kill him anyway

All right! we'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits

Almighty god we thank thee that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy

Am I right

Amen

Amen (2)

Anarcho syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom

And after the spanking the oral sex the oral sex!

And again! over we go!

And don't apologize every time I talk to someone it's sorry this and forgive me that and i'm not worthy

And here in castle anthrax we have one punishment for setting alight the grail shaped beacon

And his nostrils ****d and his bottom burned off and his penis

And I feel sure that the merger the union between the princess and the brave but dangerous sir lancelot of camelot

And if you think you got a nasty taunting this time you ain't heard nothing yet stuffy english knights!

And make sure he doesn't leave

And my special guest here today

And no singing!

And now remain gone illegitimate faced bugger folk!

And sir robin the not quite so brave as sir lancelot

And so arthur and bedevere and sir robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene 24

And so we're looking for it yes we are we have been for some time ages

And st attila raised the hand grenade up on high saying

And that's what you're gonna get lad

And the aptly named sir not appearing in this film

And the grail the grail is there

And the holy grail returns to those whom god has chosen

And the lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloth's and carp and anchovies and orangutan's and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and

And the lord spake saying 'first shalt thou take out the holy pin '

And then spank me and spank me! and me and me

And there was much rejoicing

And therefore

And this enchanter of whom you speak he has seen the grail

And this is my trusty servant patsy

And this isn't my nose it's a false one

And we shall watch and pray

And we will return with a shrubbery one that looks nice and not too expensive

And what do you burn apart from witches more witches!

And who had personally wet himself at the battle of badon hill

And you clear off!

And you, clear off!

And you!

And you'll come and get him

Answer me these questions three #bridge #troll #answer my questions #i have questions

Answer Me These Questions Three #bridge of death #troll #stop

Anyway you've got bad breath

Apples

Are there what are they tell us do they hurt

Are you from camelot

Are you saying ni to that old woman

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate

Are you sure he's got one

Are you sure that's absolutely necessary

Arthur arthur king of the britons

Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the holy grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion

Arthur having consulted his closest knights decided that they should separate and search for the grail individually

Arthur king of the britons

Arthur! Arthur!

As the horrendous black beast lunged forward escape for arthur and his knights seemed hopeless

Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid

Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid (2)

At last! a call! a cry of distress!

At least ours was better visually

At least ours was committed it wasn't a string of pussy jokes

Away away varletesses!

Back to your bed!

Bad bad zoot!

Bathing dressing undressing making exciting underwear

Be quiet!

Be quiet! (2)

Be quiet! I order you to be quiet

Bedevere my liege

Behold arthur this is the holy grail look well arthur for it is your sacred task to seek this grail

Behold the cave of caerbannog!

Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable

Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate clark gable

Beyond the forest they met lancelot and galahad and there was much rejoicing

Bloody peasant!

Bloody weather

Blue

Blue no! yellow!

Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair

Brave brave brave brave sir robin

Brave concorde you shall not have died in vain!

Brave sir robin

Brave sir robin ran away no! bravely ran away away

Bravely bold sir robin rode forth from camelot

Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat

Bravest of the brave

Bread

Bring her forward

Bring Out Your Dead #death #sick #virus #covid19 #coronavirus

Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead! bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead! (2)

Bring up the holy hand grenade

Brother maynard you're our scholar

Brother maynard!

Burn her anyway burn her!

Burn her! burn her!

Burn her! burn her! burn her!

But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting

But father

But father I don't want any of that

But I don't like her

But I don't want any of that i'd rather i'd rather just sing

But I don't want land

But I don't want to think i've lost a son so much as gained a daughter

But I don't want to think I've lost a son..

But i'm awfully sorry

But many times we're given rhymes that are quite unsingable

But mother father lad

But now we're glad

But other illustrious names were soon to follow

But the fourth one stayed up

But the grail where is the grail

But then of course african swallows are non migratory so they couldn't bring a coconut anyway

But there is one small problem

But they were still no nearer the grail

But you are tired and you must rest awhile

By a civil majority in the case of internal affairs

By a two thirds majority in the case of

By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!

By what name are you known

Camelot camelot camelot

Can you hang around a couple of minutes he won't be long

Certainly sir

Charge!

Charge! (2)

Cherries

Chicken! chicken!

Churches

Cider

Coconuts Migrate? #birds #no horse #carrying a coconut

Come come you must try to rest

Come here

Come on back! right back!

Come on concorde!

Come on put this man in the van

Come on then

Come on then (2)

Come on you pansy!

Come patsy

Come patsy (2)

Concorde speak to me!

Consult the book of armaments armaments 2 9 21

Course it's a good idea

Crapper!

Crikey!

Cut down a tree with a herring it can't be done

Cut that out!

Cut that out! cut that out!

Cut your own head off yes do us all a favour

Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened king arthur

Dennis forget about freedom don't drop that mud

Depart at this time and don't be approaching any more or we fire arrows in the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already

Did you dress her up like this

Did you kill all those guards

Did you say shrubberies?

Didn't know we had a king I thought we were an autonomous collective

Didn't mean to you put your sword right through his head!

Dismount!

Do you suppose he meant the camargue

Do you think this scene should have been cut

Do your worst!

Does it say anything else no just 'aaargh'

Does wood sink in water

Don't be afraid of him sir lancelot i've got a rope ready

Don't be such a baby

Don't it's like those miserable psalms they're so depressing

Don't like her what's wrong with her she's beautiful she's rich she's got huge tracts of land

Don't say that word

Dr piglet!

Dr winston!

Dramatically sir dramatically

Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history

Exactly

Excuse me could somebody give me a push please

Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes

Farewell sweet concorde!

Fetchez la vache! quoi fetchez la vache!

Fiends! i'll tear them apart

Fine I don't want to waste any more of your time but I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a um

Firstly you must find another shrubbery!

Firstly, you must find another shrubbery

Five is right out

Follow! but follow only if ye be men of valour

For beyond the cave lies the gorge of eternal peril which no man has ever crossed

For since her own father who when he seemed about to recover suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him

For since the tragic death of her father

For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived

Found them in mercia the coconut is tropical

Four shalt thou not count neither count thou two excepting that thou then proceed to three

Four with a coconut on a line between them

Frank!

French persons!

Gawain ector and bors that's five three three three

Get a blanket over that one

Get back

Get on with it

Get on with it!

Get on with it! (2)

Get on with it! (3)

Get stuffed

Go and boil your bottoms sons of a silly person

Go and tell your master that we have been charged by god with a sacred quest

Go on bors chop its head off

Go on clear off! go away

Go! quick!

God be praised

God be praised!

God be praised!

God be with you

Good

Good idea o lord!