Monty Python's Flying Circus - Season 1 Edit

A 45 year old chartered accountant with me

A ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird.

A bit drafty, though, aren't they?

A bit of gold paint. make good.

A bit of lard on the cat's boil.

A bit of lard on the cat's boil. But I've just been putting

A bit to spare in the botty department.

A blancmange impersonator and cannibal.

A blancmange, eh?

A blancmange!

A block of wood.

A bloke was telling me

A body that is the envy of other men?

A bra!

A bridge between the two peaks.

A character witness, my lord.

A chippendale writing desk.

A clever sheep.

A cold ice cream, sweetie?

A comedy.

A dead frog.

A deep, massive chest...

A double bed, about £50.

A fabulous spruce back from a tour of holland;

A fair question

A family picture.

A few more massacres.

A grand death, that

A grand little chap, that

A great god whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful

A hard, tough, abrasive look at camel spotting.

A hat with lion tamer on it.

A hat?

A hopkins au gratin a la chef.

A household name overnight.

A little joke, a little jest!

A little proposition for you, colonel.

A lot of bread, so if you'll just step through here

A mad psychiatrist, that'd be new huh!

A man can run and run for year after year.

A man of the world, aren't you?

A man walking against the wind.

A man who claims he can send bricks to sleep by hypnosis.

A man who is so totally and utterly wonderful

A man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose.

A man with a tape recorder up his nose.

A man with three buttocks.

A man with three buttocks.

A man with three buttocks.

A man with three buttocks.

A man with three noses.

A man with... nine legs.

A man... well, more than a man, a god...

A mexican rhythm combo.

A more defensive posture

A mountaineer:

A new meaning to my existence.

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?

A palindrome?

A pen friend in the police force

A picture of a... I've heard about them.

A piece of laminated plastic.

A pint of creme de menthe for my friend.

A pun?

A quick visual...

A quiet evening on our own.

A quivering, glistening mass.

A rain forest and a bucket of sawdust

A scotsman on a horse.

A scotsman on a horse.

A sheep is not a creature of the air.

A shilling, wilkins?

A smile, a conquest and a dagger up your strap.

A specialist in these sort of things

A specially commissioned painting for us

A strange, contorted one good evening.

A surgeon who specializes in these kind of things.

A three mile queue just before bridgwater on the a38

A tobacconist who just happens

A tribute to johann gambolputty de von

A typical case history.

A typical case, whom we shall refer to as mr. a.

A vast bowl of pus.

A very difficult cat to confuse today

A very good companion to me.

A very popular flavor I'm led to understand.

A vital theme of our age.

A wave of controversy amongst his fellow historians.

A what?

A what? sketch?

A white wedding, much to everyone's surprise.

A whole basket each.

A whole minute?

A yeti spotter, that must have been extremely interesting.

About 500 altogether.

About all we have time for tonight

About five feet high, ten feet long, weighing about 400 pounds

About grannies attacking young men

About infringing the army copyright of our slogan:

About leaving your radio on during the night.

About mine aren't

About nigel?

About saying bloody heck on all channels, but...

About some book being damaged

About that sketch about people falling out of a high building.

About the lumberjack who wears women's clothes.

About the place of the nude in my bed...

About the present weak drafting...

About the song which you have just broadcast

About this parrot what I purchased

About three years ago.

About time, too, dear.

About what makes exciting television.

Above the piston box.

Absence of interest in its ambiance

Absolutely, yes.

Ach, you're no fun!

Ach!

Achtung, achtung!

Action... violence...

Adams pie biscuit aftershave gore stringbottom smith.

Adding the debenture preference stock of 3 3/4 million

Admittedly, a few problems, a few disappointments...

Adopt, adapt and improve.

Adopt, adapt and improve.

After a few more of these remarks

After a few novels.

After all the trouble she's had

After all we've been through?

After all we've done for him.

After five years, they give me a brush.

After monosodium glutamate.

After show, we go powwow, speakum with director sandy camp

After the show, why not visit the la gondola restaurant

After the warmest july weekend for nearly a year.

Afternoon.

Against anyone who attacks you

Against pointed sticks, do we?

Against the banana fiend!

Against the great catholic nobles

Agreed.

Ah, and about bloody time, if you ask me.

Ah, come and sit down.

Ah, come in, please take a seat.

Ah, das deutschen klassenzimmer.

Ah, good time, good afternoon.

Ah, hein... reginald

Ah, how do you?

Ah, maybe not, but he has give me this.

Ah, merci beaucoup.

Ah, morning sir, morning, morning.

Ah, mr. anchovy.

Ah, mr. notlob, uh, park your hips

Ah, mr. pattinson, sit!

Ah, mr. phelps come on in, take a seat.

Ah, mr. phelps, take a seat.

Ah, no wonder, I was sitting on the cat.

Ah, not so fast, lafarge.

Ah, now, that's our specialty

Ah, one at a time, please.

Ah, right, ready now.

Ah, riley!

Ah, sorry about all that.

Ah, take a, um...

Ah, they say, however, that acting on his information

Ah, those were the days.

Ah, well, we were...

Ah, yes, that's better.

Ah, yes, we'd like to buy a bed...

Ah, yes, well, that's the pets department, second floor.

Ah, yes, you have to remember, of course

Ah, yes.

Ah, yes.

Ah, yes... yes, I see.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! just my watch.

Ah! ooh!

Ah! there we are.

Ah! yeah...

Ah!!

Ah.

Ah...

Ah... capisco.

Ah... lovely day, isn't it?

Ah... oh.

Ah... signor, my friend is saying...

Ah... well, tell your friend if he lives in milan

Aha!

Aha!

Aha!

Aha! caught you, mr. a.t. great!

Aha! he fell for my little trap.

Aha! the body.

Ahh uuuhuh!

Alacadabra! alakazam!

Alacadabra! alakazam!

Alacadabra! alakazam!!

Alacadabra...

Alakazam!

Albatross!

Albatross!

Albatross!

Albatross!

Albatross!

Albatross!

Albatross! Shut up!

Albatross!!

Albatross?

Albatross.

Albody me introbody al...

Alert all squad cars in the area.

Alexander hardacre of the economic affairs bureau.

Algy braithwaite?

Algy!

All clear, boss.

All clear?

All day and every day.

All during war, owing to nasty running sores

All I know is that these people

All in cricket, great, great!

All men are the same.

All of a sudden, you realize

All over raphael's babyjesus.

All over, yes.

All right, all right

All right, all right, all right, all right.

All right, all right.

All right, any questions?

All right, boys, let's get to it.

All right, but what do you want?

All right, clever dick, all right, clever dick.

All right, cut him down, mr. fuller.

All right, deirdre, come out of there!

All right, director...

All right, fine, yes.

All right, get against the wall, van der berg

All right, get up against the wall, lafarge.

All right, I confess

All right, I'll tell you.

All right, I'm going.

All right, make it fast.

All right, otto!

All right, sergeant, leave this to me.

All right, then, all right.

All right, then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up.

All right, then... bananas!

All right, we have no time to lose.

All right, where are the fillings?

All right, woman, all right.

All right, you've got five seconds.

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All rose to the challenge of the mighty ocean.

All set to go.

All that sort of thing.

All that squeaking and banging every night

All the lads have contributed to it.

All the old bags are in there

All the opportunities you can get, dear.

All the things you can read about in a book.

All the way from moscow in the u.s.s. of r., ivan the terrible

All these... these...

All those cherries, ooh.

All through the night.

All through the winter of '43

All what?

Alles muss mit dem mittelschmerz gestoppen sein!

Allow me to introduce myself: I'm inspector tiger.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Alme to you introself my...

Alself me...

Also I am not minehead lad

Although his real name is this.

Although I've kept myself

Although it is extremely dangerous.

Although this hasn't been ratified yet.

Although, far be it from me

Alvar liddell, berlin airlift, moral upheaval of profumo case

Always the joker, luigi.

Always were late, weren't you, thompson?

Am I right

Amazing... thank you, janet.

Amazonas!

An anteater, not a lion.

An earnest of his good faith.

An entry form for the british open tennis championships

An entry form for wimbledon which you'd filled in

An excellent librarian, savaged three people last week

An exciting new american plank;

An expert in what makes people change

An order for 48 million kilts?

An ordinary two footed jump

And £15 taken from it.

And a 16 ton weight will drop on his head.

And a camel has a refreshment car

And a couple of the ken spinoza quads.

And a new spirit of cooperation between east and west.

And a rub a dub all day long.

And a rub a dub all day long.

And a special good evening to you.

And about 12:50, you climb up it and then...

And across the channel.

And afterwards at the inigo jones fish emporium.

And all at versailles.

And all the rest of it.

And also by the chanting of laments

And also they're much more permissive.

And am now a part time notice board

And am very glad england win world cup

And an unusual guest for this program

And angus podgorny became the first scotsman

And anyway, i might be pregnant.

And are merely included for a cheap laugh.

And around these stars circle a billion planets

And as one of the architects

And ask her, if possible

And ask to see the chief librarian

And ask you just quickly if there's any particular thing

And asked him to be the wild one.

And at night...

And attempt to remove the joke.

And author of a number of books about belief

And author of the book hello, sailor.

And barnstaple section.

And be a man.

And because I'm so evil

And bernard buffet making a break

And blurred vision.

And by this tree, gentlemen

And consequently too boring to be of interest.

And currency restrictions

And custom regulations in the world today.

And decisive return volleys off the backhand

And did those feet

And did those feet in ancient time...

And did those feet in ancient times

And did those teeth in ancient time

And did you persecute the huguenots?

And did you take even sterner measures

And do these lions eat ants?

And do you in fact have two sheds?

And do your first line?

And don't you forget it!

And dundee cake on piccadilly line

And during breaks on the set, I've been designing a cathedral

And eating lots of chips and fish

And every galaxy is made up of a billion zillion stars

And falling over backwards.

And fast.

And filmed people going in and out every day.

And finally, oliver st. john mollusc, harrow and the guards

And flopsy's glad, too.

And follow instead the destiny of this man:

And found myself deposited here in ipswich.

And found that £5,000 in savings had been stolen.

And from them, we've built up a pretty clear picture

And furthermore, I suggest

And gentlemen, doris day goes up to rock hudson

And gervaise running through to this final obstacle.

And get a haircut, you pansy!

And get on with it?

And give them their cards immediately!

And giving gala luncheons.

And goes to the bathroom on david lemming...

And going very fast down the hill

And good morning to you, madam.

And got all the taunton traffic on the a358

And grenades, sir, and machine guns, sir.

And had to be destroyed.

And half the moss drops off the cave wall

And hand me £5.18.3.

And hang around in bars.

And hangs around in bars?

And has buttered scones for tea.

And have buttered scones for tea.

And have never once...

And have you seen them all?

And he came out in a rash.

And he certainly gets it.

And he didn't see anything good morning.

And he goes berserk.

And he is humiliating him there.

And he loved to hang out down by the pier

And he piddles on it.

And he works all da y.

And he's forgotten.

And he's going in again.

And he's gone into the lead.

And he's got this really enormous talent

And he's in the k.g.b.

And he's off on the first ever cross channel jump.

And he's stark raving mad.

And hello, sailor

And her youngest

And here is his friend.

And here is the final score: pigs 9, british bipeds 4.

And here is the result of the epilogue:

And here is your host for tonight, wally wiggin.

And here... here comes oliver, brave oliver.

And his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.

And his impersonation of petula clark.

And his milk...

And hitler gave the order

And how about you?

And how do you get on

And how far has he got?

And how long have you been here?

And how old are you, trevor?

And how wide is it?

And I came back and he was gone.

And I can now see his painting.

And I can walk

And I discovered that the only reason

And I don't take the pill 'cause it's nasty.

And I hate it, I hate it!

And I haven't had a funny line yet

And I hope very much you don't have to take away my freedom

And I must ask that nobody leave the room.

And I think I can say without fear of contradiction

And I think nigel's in there with his bare hands

And I think some of the twits are getting rather excited, too.

And I think they're doing quite a good job, really.

And I thought you were so rugged.

And I want you boys to write it.

And I want you to know that I've had an idea

And I warn this program that any recurrence

And I'd like 9,000 other charges

And I'm going straight out of here

And I'm going to get some.

And I'm going to take all my clothes off.

And I'm going to tell the police

And I'm just trying to create

And I'm looking at one right now.

And I'm not being indecisive.

And I'm not going to risk the whole raid

And I'm telling you because I know.

And I'm warning you, if it happens again

And I've learned not to worry.

And I've watched it and I haven't got any.

And if any of you so much as tries anything

And if there's any more of this

And if you could just help us answer a few questions

And in his spare time, he's a stockbroker.

And in the chair as usual is arthur tree

And in the snow, I see a tree.

And instead of the dog, I see doris day.

And irrepressibly drab and awful.

And irving c. saltzberg productions ltd.

And it blows my mind, young lad.

And it lights up, saying lion tamer

And it means jocasta isn't left out.

And it never did me any harm

And it took us six hours and 53 minutes

And it was to this world

And it'll be very interesting to see

And it's a fast start this year.

And it's a good one!

And it's blancmange to serve...

And it's entitled art gallery.

And it's only been comparatively recently

And it's very badly written.

And its impact on the future of parochial organization

And jewelry to the value of £2,000 stolen.

And jim, bob's brother, has run over the editor of the lancet

And just how far is that?

And just let you see for yourselves.

And keep the mores of the whole country

And look what you've done to mother.

And lovingly frosted with glucose.

And make it a lot faster

And may I say what a pleasure it is

And maybe a gust of breeze over the french coast

And meet me at this address

And mighty eagle was in land of forefather

And most exciting upper class twit of the year I've ever seen.

And mr. and mrs. samuel brainsample

And mrs. elsmore's marriage is threatened

And much less formal.

And my first interesting person tonight is

And nasty, long, razor sharp claws

And nigel's there en joying a joke

And no one has left it

And nobody leave the room

And nobody's touched him enough said?

And none of these are mountaineers?

And not for the killing, sir.

And not terribly hard

And not the kind of people to be the center

And now

And now

And now

And now

And now a policeman near rottingdeans.

And now a short intermission

And now for more news of the momentous artistic event

And now for our most ambitious attempt tonight.

And now for something completely different

And now for something completely different

And now for something completely different

And now for something completely different:

And now for something completely different:

And now for something completely different:

And now for something completely different.

And now for something completely the same

And now for the latest report on picasso's progress

And now four tired undertakers.

And now he's going to shoot the rabbit.

And now here is a reminder

And now it's france's turn.

And now it's gervaise.

And now it's kicking the beggar.

And now it's request time.

And now it's time for interesting sport

And now let's take a look

And now marcel will mime a man

And now professor r.j. canning.

And now simon's at number one; vivian, two;

And now the battle of trafalgar.

And now they're coming into their first test

And now they've got to take the bras off from the front.

And now w.g. grace as a music box.

And now your favorite roman emperor, julius caesar

And now, back to the movie.

And now, edward heath.

And now, here are the scores.

And now, if you'll excuse me

And now, match of the day.

And now, mr. anchovy

And now, the positions:

And now, time for this week's request death.

And now...

And number six, genghis khan

And oak leaves round the outside.

And obscene and disgusting!

And of all these planets

And of course, hilaire belloc.

And of course, we have this rather difficult climb...

And old spotty tarquin's mother.

And oliver has run himself over.

And oliver's over at the back there...

And on my left, in the red corner

And on that note, we must say good night to you.

And on the outside, there's gervaise

And on the roads, too, vicious gangs of keep left signs.

And once they get an idea into their heads

And one that in recent weeks Has been much on my mind.

And one was assaulted... peanut.

And one which hitler just couldn't match.

And only a few of them are transvestites.

And opposite him, we have dr. tom jack

And outstanding in this fine jarrow team

And over here

And pancho gonzales, serving as well as I've ever seen him

And peaches bartcowitz

And perhaps take a run in the wheel.

And piet mondrian just behind

And plunge straight through both cheeks.

And podgorny fails to even hit the ball.

And pointed sticks.

And poor old mrs. dalrymple, who does the washing up

And purchase a watch costing £5.18.3.

And ralph smashed every exhibit but one

And released him.

And replace them with the legend

And right in the privacy of your own home.

And saltzberg art films, oil, real estate, banking and prostitution inc.

And saw her legs disappearing into a blancmange.

And say no further questions.

And scotland yard's crack inspector is with me now.

And scott of the antarctic

And second spit

And see if we can get the abbey.

And send it to this address.

And serve it with small pieces of its liver

And she can run as fast as she can sing.

And she kisses on him.

And she may be a little talentless

And she may have no money

And shove them off the face of the earth.

And simon fails again.

And simon is through by accident.

And simon's over and vivian's over beautifully.

And sitting around in public lavatories.

And smeared tomato ketchup

And so are the mangoes.

And so are the mangoes.

And so here on the final day

And so I said if it happened again

And so it is finale time.

And so it's podgorny versus blancmange

And so the final result: the upper class twit of the year

And so you shall.

And so, from tolworth roundabout

And so, this year

And so's paul klee dropping back a bit

And some homicidal maniac comes after you

And some mates and me went to a party

And some of 'em Have got tanks.

And soon you will all be dead.

And soothe the troubled breast into a magnitude of quiet.

And spent several weeks in hospital.

And squirts vermeer's ladyata window.

And staple on a beak of your own choice.

And starring in the show

And start building a body you can be proud of.

And stuffy and boring and desperately dull.

And such is the battle of pearl harbor

And swallowed whole in just under two minutes.

And take it with me for clinical examination.

And take us around to the british jewelry center

And taking the following routes:

And tell the sergeant on duty, or his wife

And that is the end of the news.

And that last one about the bed was even sillier.

And that murderer is someone in this room.

And that's a depressing prospect

And that's all there is to it.

And that's been the main reason

And that's not counting the mattress.

And that's without sporrans.

And the aptitude tests that you took last week

And the back marker, king edward vii.

And the blancmange ate his wife.

And the crowd are really rising to him there.

And the door opens.

And the first here is simon.

And the first one to try anything

And the galaxy of andromeda?

And the ghastly days of the presexual revolution.

And the goldfish, the goldfish, they've got whooping cough.

And the length?

And the others totally ignore me.

And the same goes for dogs.

And the undeniable fact that...

And the very best of luck.

And the white crystals turn lime green

And the whole field is up again and here they are.

And then at 9:30, we've got another rollicking half hour

And then doris dog says, I think you're very handsome

And then doris dog turns into a yak

And then I found my wallet had been stolen

And then I've got the frogs to let out.

And then it tends to slope away rather sharply.

And then quite recently

And then rock hudson says

And then sealed in a succulent swiss quintuple smooth

And then some of the fellows there

And then there's gilberto's war wound.

And then we go on after that

And then when doris day's kissed rock hudson

And then when they got the costumes on, they...

And then when they run helpless into the streets

And then you should see their faces

And then, of course, releasing the vultures.

And there ain't no sense in running.

And there it was in the back of the net.

And there it was in the back of the net.

And there we are back at the hunt ball.

And there, I can see... who is that there?

And there... now here comes vivian.

And there'll be no trouble.

And there's a human with it.

And there's no need to stop there.

And there's... and there's simon now in the sports car.

And therefore won the match by an innings and seven runs.

And these, um, these lions, how high are they?

And they begin to wonder, is it all really...

And they can bloody well care about me.

And they look like this.

And they must be shooting from a range of at least a foot.

And they want to put the license fee up?

And they would spend less time having their stomachs pumped

And they're all that size there.

And they're blazing away there.

And they're eating the blancmange!

And they're going to be a bit frisky.

And they're going to make bloody sure

And they're having a bit of trouble in there, I think.

And they've come up with a little number.

And things aren't going very well back there.

And third nigel incubator jones of henley.

And this column represents 43% of the population.

And this could be their undoing, dan

And this is a raid.

And this is going to be a full body slam.

And this is only a one day event.

And this is the quiet one, mr. bimmler.

And this one is g.

And this sort of thing has got to be stopped.

And this week it's all in cricket

And this week, dan falls into a vat of human dung

And this year's winner

And three tins of beans for me, please.

And to consider the moral problems

And to the next letter.

And toad in the holes

And today, another englishman may add his name

And tonight we have one such artist.

And trained to sniff out certain substances

And two hours back in the evening.

And visiting professor of modern theological philosophy

And vivian's through there

And want to appear on this program

And was head of gestapo for ten years...

And was the holy lamb of god

And was unable to go in the streets

And we all had a jolly good laugh.

And we are very fortunate to have him

And we intend to fight.

And we kick off tonight with cardinal richelieu

And we learned the italian for a spoon.

And we rendezvous in the back room of the cow and sickle

And we soon had the joke by january

And we turn the spotlight tonight

And we'll slit your face.

And we're going to climb

And we've got a brace of guides

And welcome to a three round contest of the epilogue.

And welcome to the refreshment room here at bletchley.

And welcome to the second of our italian language classes

And what do I mean by wasting your time like this? good night.

And what do you do?

And what exactlyare the commercial possibilities of a vine a viation?

And what is the name of your ravishing wife?

And what routes will you both be taking?

And what seems to be the trouble

And what was your reaction to this?

And what's he going to do today?

And what's your name?

And when did you first notice

And when do you expect to get married?

And when he gets unhappy he breaks things.

And when he hasn't

And when I bought it not half an hour ago

And when the sketch starts, I'll go out.

And when these two way out wacky characters get together

And where are you from?

And whereas in most professions

And who is the sponsor?

And who's the other fella?