Family Guy - Season 2 Edit

A 10 gauge. I've never handled one of these before.

A 20 minute call to Larchmont? Who do we know in Larchmont?

A balloon tied to a mailbox is the international symbol for "party over here!"

A being who's all knowing and all powerful?

A big hand for Cheech Marin, everybody.

A big, stinking Mexican rat. True story.

A bitch.

A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything.

A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything.

A bunch of card carrying Commies if you ask me!

A chapel? Where will you all eat lunch?

A chicken in every pot and a cap in every ass.

A family pet with the uncontrollable urge to bury shiny objects in the yard.

A fat man who is inexplicably married to an attractive redhead.

A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?

A future where an oppressive new king has seized power.

A girl I just made up.

A gumbo served almost exclusively in The...

A guy's on his boat, in the middle of the ocean...

A ha ha ha ha ha!

A homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one.

A Iot of nasty things have been said during this campaign,

A job? Lois, the '70s are over. Forget it.

A lamp monster! Ooh! Ooooh!

A little violent for you, don't you think?

A lot of these famous types lead secret lives we don't know about. Like Ricky Martin.

A lot of you know me as Tim Robbins' mother. But I'm actually his girlfriend.

A lot.

A lump. A lump! Oh, God! Oh, God!

A microphone stand in a comedy club should tell a joke or two.

A military strike against such a small nation could cause an international backlash.

A Mr. Brandywine from the Historical Society is at the front gate.

A new foreign country which was founded this week, here in our own back yard.

A pestilence here and a plague there. Omnipotence!

A plane! That's great.

A pox on Quahog!

A producer? Gee, I don't know.

A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys and music

A semi automatic bunny or a hand held bunny.

A shameful secret that nearly buried the peace and civility of an entire neighbor...

A single white girl in the city working at a magazine!

A small price to pay. I'm gonna be the first one on Spooner Street to have his own boat.

A stunning development tonight as O.J. Simpson is proven innocent.

A tournament, eh?

A Twinkee factory that might not even exist any more?

A week at a women's retreat. What the hell am I supposed to learn from that?

A week! No. Please, God, kill me now.

A witch!

A woman driving! That's adorable.

A woman from Child Services came and took Stewie!

A woman is not an object.

Aa... Er, yes. Yes.

Aaaaaagh! Aagh! Ow!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh! Aagh! Ooh! Aagh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Abner! Abner! The Griffin boy just killed a plastic reindeer!

About boats or boating or owning a boat.

About capital punishment or neo feminism,

About that, I don't think I can go through with it.

Absolutely no way, and that's final.

Accomplishments? Go to your room.

Across the hall from the library we have the billiard room.

Action!

Actor.

Actually I didn't really, not at first.

Actually I just wanted to check the honor bar.

Actually, each light represents a missile launching by itself.

Actually, I said Satan. That's a typo.

Actually, I'm not really a horse.

Actually, it's "well," Pacey. You mean to say, I make love "well."

Actually, kid, I kind of fell into this gig. I really wanted to be a wood nymph.

Actually, my gullet seems to be rumbling.

Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth.

After all, it isn't really his time.

After all, we'll only be here on weekends.

After all, we'll only be here on weekends.

After dinner, we usually go into the living room...

After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in...

After I get a little bit of courage from my old friend, Mr. Jack Daniels.

After my grandfather helped create one of our most beloved cartoon characters.

Again.

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh! Agh! Aagh! Aagh! Agh!

Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Oh, God! Oh, God! Agh! Agh! Agh!

Agh! Agh! Ow! Oh, God! Agh! Ow! Ow!

Agh! Are you the Matrix?

Agh! Holy crap!

Agh! Sorry, Dr Ling, I guess I'm nervous. This whole thing is a little weird.

Agh! Sorry, I don't play.

Ah, another sword.

Ah, crap!

Ah, crap. I made a mistake. Do you have another gun?

Ah, I am so alone

Ah, I guess it's you and me against the world, buddy.

Ah, jeez.

Ah, let's see.

Ah, my last beer. Here goes.

Ah, nice kid. Well, I think I handled that pretty good.

Ah, so beautiful.

Ah, that's OK, kids. So I don't have my name on an amusement park,

Ah, the breakfast thing.

Ah, the old alma mater. I tell you, there's something magical about Brown.

Ah, the United Nations! Oh, I wish Chris could see this.

Ah, this is gonna take drastic measures. All right, get the camera ready. Oh, Luke!

Ah, village idiot. That's a good one.

Ah, what the hell. But, hey, you gotta print the real story.

Ah, what the hell. Cheers! I don't know why he said it wasn't ready.

Ah, yes. Here we go.

Ah, you don't care. Hey, Frenchie, is my fort ready?

Ah, you know, when Peter first said we were our own country, I was a bit sceptical.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Silent but life saving.

Ah! Yes!

Ah! You like a little abuse, huh?

Ah. It's like I died and went to heaven.

Ah. You mean this?

Ahh! Come here, you!

Ahh! I can see the air! And you know what else?

Ahhhhh!

Albert Einstein worked for the patent office.

All because I can't afford to get our new car fixed.

All finished. What's next?

All he cares about is work.

All he wants is his favorite show back on TV. How can you say no?

All I gotta do is make a call.

All I gotta do is write "deceased" right here where it says "name."

All I want is one pupil who's good enough to win the piano competition.

All my cunning.

All races living together in harmony and love.

All right

All right, Callaghan, me and my son want you to uncancel Gumbel 2 Gumbel.

All right, can the waterworks, Jackie Chan, cab 302.

All right, Chris!

All right, Dad!

All right, Dad!

All right, Dad!

All right, Dad! I... Oh.

All right, get back!

All right, here I go.

All right, let's try some role playing. I'll be Mark.

All right, listen to me, you long necked bastard.

All right, Lois. I'll do it.

All right, look. Just buckle up. Can I get my cheque now?

All right, Meg, I need you to boil some water. Girls, I'm gonna need towels. Lots of 'em.

All right, Mom!

All right, now let's do some role playing. I'll be the office assistant.

All right, now walk up to the counter.

All right, now, we gotta be very crafty so Luke Perry doesn't recognise us.

All right, take a deep breath.

All right, that's enough!

All right, try it again, Richard.

All right, uh, Jenny, would you come up here and show us where the femur is?

All right, we need some wheels.

All right, we're gonna use a fan brush here. I want you to take some hunter green,

All right, wise guy, who are you?

All right!

All right!

All right! Fudgie the Whale, and Cookie Puss,

All right! OK!

All right! Then everyone'd get to see me and my wacky antics.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. He's going to do it!

All right. No more slaves. But we still don't have to read books.

All right. So instead of driving down this sun parched highway, we've now got to walk.

All right. Stop it. Stop it right there. Now, go on, fill up the bowl.

All right. Then you'll love this one. OK.

All right. Well, here's a little something in return.

All right... He was kidnapped.

All the money goes to the families of fishermen who've been eaten by sharks.

All these kids are looking at pornography!

All those years of paying my dues as musical director...

All through your body

All we gotta do is tell a little white lie. Just go with it.

All you cared about was some stupid competition.

All you have to do is paint. Now get busy!

Almost!

Aloha!

Alone? Why don't I just tattoo a big L on my forehead while I'm at it?

Always playing with that wheat thresher!

Am I Spin City funny, Rita Rudner funny, what? Come on.

Am I supposed to conduct with my penis?

Am I supposed to draw the penis?

Am I supposed to sculpt the penis?

Amazing. The whole neighborhood is working together.

An Audi! I'm gettin' a car!

Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

And a bad breakfast is the foundation of indigestion. Hey oh!

And a half.

And a stomach virus.

And Abraham said "I can't hear you."

And all Americans aboard are on their way home, except one couple

And all I gotta do is paint!

And all in favour of "Ephraim, the Retarded Rabbit"?

And an inner ear infection.

And apparently, I'm dating Kate Moss.

And arguments over the proper way to discipline the children, and...

And bam, there it was.

And be damn grateful for the opportunity starting right...

And best of all, nobody important got hurt.

And by special, I don't mean special like that Kleinerman boy down the street.

And Chris, what you do in the bathroom is between you and God.

And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail.

And Cookie O'Puss, and Nutty the Chocolate Ghost.

And could I get that waitress' address? I'd like to help her baby.

And don't smoke

And don't you forget it, Frenchie.

And every bit as important to this company as I am.

And follow the drama that is your family. Kinda like The Real World.

And for what? To get that crazy Mr. Fargas back in the classroom?

And forget gettin' lucky

And from the looks of his midsection, he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity.

And get fitted for a pair of Doc Martens and a plaid flannel shirt?

And get your nice shoes all ruined.

And God said "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better?"

And he got us kicked out of the yacht club.

And he keeps asking for pancakes.

And he robbed me!

And he's in the bathroom right now, possibly doing drugs.

And he's right. Pin it on the old ball and chain.

And help he did. Thanks to the clam's leadership,

And here to pick this year's winning theme...

And here we have the lounge.

And here's our first float.

And hey! Would you also like a special satellite

And I get all that fat, like the fat's my buddies stuck behind enemy lines, you know.

And I hope is making Steak Ums tonight.

And I love that Kramer guy. He comes in the room like this:

And I promise, I won't make it easy for you!

And I said...

And I still don't have a date for Friday night, as usual.

And I swear to God it was so heinous Susie Johnson ralphed up her Salisbury steak.

And I think I've found it.

And I want to do the show they wrote! We're not making any more changes!

And I wouldn't recommend either one of 'em.

And I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

And I'm getting the house painted for free.

And I'm gonna do everything I can to nurture that talent and help him succeed.

And I'm sorry I have no talent.

And I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie 47 times!

And if there's a pilot, there must be a bar. I can get a drink.

And if you tell anyone that that bush is there...

And if you're sorry, he'll forgive you.

And in a Quahog News 5 Exclusive, we sent our own little foreigner,

And in gridiron news, little Johnny Gobraun...

And ipso facto your insurance company'll buy you another one.

And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns. And today in study hall,

And it's got a cardboard steering wheel.

And it's not "kitty".

And it's not so much that I want to kill her,

And it's your fault we have so much violence in this country.

And jellybeans and stickers...

And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none were half the man you are.

And just let everyone get on with their lives.

And just like this. And watch my feet. And one, two, three.

And Kristy McNichol, come back to television. We miss you.

And l happen to agree with the School Board's decision.

And l suppose the bilious curds you force fed me from your teat...

And Lando Griffin, a popular student at a local high school,

And lifting our huge triangular iron weights.

And little Stewie here is our President of Poopy.

And Lois has her theater group.

And look at this!

And look, it has a little trap door for when you gotta make inky.

And made you choose who you wanted to live, me or Meg, who would you choose?

And make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk.

And maybe I'll never be famous.

And Milton Berle's legendary genitals. Ah!

And never answers my letters, but he's still a Baldwin, dammit, and so is Meg.

And not just like Jugs or Creamsicle.

And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones.

And now I will take off this protective Potato Head mask.

And now it's time for sports.

And now Part 2 of our very own Asian correspondent

And now Part 3 of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex

And now sports.

And now the winners of the father son three legged race.

And now we're gonna be on TV for the next six months.

And now you're dead. Score one for Peter.

And now, back to A&E's biography: Twinkee the Kid.

And now, Mr Rogers Fred. May as well drop the bloody formalities.

And one of you is hung like an elf.

And one, two, three.

And our schools are the safest around...

And Philadelphia Story Hepburn. None of that head on a slinky Golden Pond stuff.

And picnic on the grass

And pills to make your bowel movements smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls.

And remember, the wrong keys are electrified.

And send a masseuse up

And since the laws of death no longer apply, I can do this.

And skate on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!

And so ends a dark and shameful chapter in the history of Quahog, Rhode lsland.

And somewhere, Scott Baio is ploughin' a woman he doesn't love.

And such an attractive one.

And take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you filthy pervert.

And that funny foreign guy, in the garage.

And that just happens to be Glen's fetish.

And that note you gave me, "louder," I was thinking that, and then you said it.

And that was the last time I ever saw her.

And that.

And that. And that. And that. And that.

And that'll just be our little secret.

And That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You.

And that's my plan, Principal Shepherd. So, are you with me?

And that's the story of Petoria, a little nation that, 200 years ago,

And the Colonel isn't even workin' today?

And the Harvest Festival Parade theme is:

And the Oscar goes to Marisa Tomei!

And the uncommon, sometimes haunting, glow of sensuality that surrounds you.

And their carpet and d**** scheme...

And their Spirographs and their Moby G**** and their 90210.

And then guess what? I'm going to add...

And then Jerry guessed that her name was "Mulva"!

And there was a giant chicken and Stewie was an octopus.

And they are certainly not an enchanted forest.

And they had guns, and they put a gun up to your head

And they swore they'd never do toad again.

And they're off!

And things have worked out fine so far.

And this is a chair. That's a lamp. You have boobies. I'll find that trophy!

And this is the nerve center of the whole factory, my station.

And this time I wanna talk to the real reporter.

And those pouty come hither lips. My God, she's unappealing.

And to exploit your hard labour for free travel.

And to think they used to be our best friends!

And to this day I still lay awake at night wondering about the soup that got away.

And together it is a hic a doo La world

And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms...

And tuck into a flying Mary Lou Retton half...

And turn.

And two Denny's, so we can say "Let's not go to that one. Let's go to the good one."

And two dirty, stinking apes to throw faeces at each other.

And two dirty, stinking apes to throw faeces at each other.

And walk away with a lifetime's supply of beer.

And we buy another dog to help the kids, you know, forget about you.

And we can build a community just like the one we had.

And we have to get Stewie back!

And we must get our baby back.

And we'd, uh, like it if she got into the university.

And we're back with our round table discussion on the Petorian crisis.

And we're back. Griffins, do you have anything to say to your daughter?

And we're gonna put a happy little bush down here in the corner.

And what is it you want to patent, Herr Smith?

And when I got all my buddies, I sneak out again.

And when that trouble happens, we'll blow its freaking head off.

And when we saw Chubby Franklin make his face, we would all make this face.

And where it says "sex," I'll write, "No, thanks. I'm dead."

And you know how bad I am at buyin' gifts.

And you know what? I bet you run into those two dead bailiff ladies from Night Court.

And you put up a tough front.

And you say that Bounty can pick it up in five seconds?

And you won't know which one is which. And it'll be really awkward. So bite me.

And you won't not be not loving your time share before you know it.

And you! I just plain don't like you!

And you! I just plain don't like you!

And you'll lose all control

And you're Fran Drescher. And you're, um, that fat guy from Boogie Nights.

And you're... the Olsen twins?

And your father can help you exercise.

And your kids will be born without eyelids

And your sphincter

And, remember, nothing says "good job" like a firm, open palm slap on the behind.

And, uh... just once, for me,

And, well, it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking.

Anna and Miss Thing both love the king, right?

Anna! Baby, baby! I'm a star!

Another! Another! Yes! Mama has candy kisses!

Answer me! What have they done to me?

Anus, I'm serious.

Any of you kids want to see a dead body?

Any questions?

Any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours.

Any woman would love to have that vase adorn her crapier.

Anyone who wouldn't pretend their own son is dying...

Anyone?

Anyway, it's over and done with

Anyway, it's over and done with.

Anyways, Glen, I was wondering if you and Cleveland

Are they really gonna kill that girl?

Are those kids on board? Yeah.

Are those my books? What the hell are you doing?

Are you all right? Where's your father?

Are you and Dad gonna get a divorce?

Are you as excited as I am, Tom?

Are you aware you were going 50 in...

Are you Big Fat Paulie?

Are you calling me a liar?

Are you crazy?

Are you crazy? My eyes were barely open and she just gave me away.

Are you crazy? What are you doing here?

Are you crazy? You destroyed all our water pipes?

Are you gonna take that?

Are you kidding, Diane? I've got wood...

Are you kidding? God, this is worse than having Ronald McDonald for a father.

Are you kidding? I may see you again.

Are you nuts? Look at all these telegrams.

Are you please, God Big Fat Paulie?

Are you ready to humble..

Are you saying I'm ugly?

Are you sure it was a book?

Are you sure it wasn't nothing?

Are you sure this is Boston?

Are you sure this will work?

Are you telling jokes? I love jokes.

Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack? Make it again!

Aren't l the wicked one?

Aren't they phat and stupid and poppin' fresh?

Aren't you Richard Simmons?

Aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend, Richard Simmons?

Argh!

Argh!

Argh!

Argh!

Argh!

Argh!

Argh!

Argh! Argh! Agh! Agh!

Argh! Blast!

Argh! Dammit!

Argh! It's no use! She swims in my blood now. I must have her!

Argh! Oh, for the love of Pete! Oh!

Argh! Oh, God!

Argh! Unhand me, woman. I don't have gas, I'm in love!

Art schmart.

Art school? We don't have that kind of time. Chris, give me your ear.

As a matter of fact, if you were any slower at cooking, you'd...

As a piano teacher, I know how difficuIt the education process can be,

As a rich coIIege bound student, I once joined some underpriviIeged youths...

As a team. I... I learned that the hard way.

As it turns out, the lump on your chest was just a fatty corpuscle.

As soon as the polls close, we can put all this ugliness behind us.

As the sun rises on day one of Operation Desert Clam.

As we take you in depth and undercover.

Asia's market has nowhere to go but up!

Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa, to Petoria,

Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa joins us live...

Ask your mom. I'm not very good with tough decisions.

Asks you to the dance, you don't say no, you say "Haba haba haba... OK."

At 2:00 a.m. Last night, I thought a horse was using the bathroom.

At least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants

At least I love my kids enough not to spend every minute of the day working!

At least that's one problem solved.

At mass this morning...

At my sleepovers, we used to practise French kissing. Now, everybody pair up.

At the centre of the earth!

Attaboy. All the way upstream, buddy.

Attagirl. And I got your first story right here.

Attention, delegates. This session of the United Nations is hereby convened.

Attention, New Quahogians.

Attention, President Griffin. As you may presently, yourself, fully be aware of,

Attention, world leaders. I have 137 nuclear warheads

Aunt Marguerite, have you seen my towel?

Aunt Marguerite!

Aw, come on, Lois. The only victim tonight was the work of Arthur Miller.

Aw, crap.

Aw, crap. That was money well spent.

Aw, don't cry, sweetheart. I'll make it up to you.

Aw, heck! Where's a lawyer when I need one?

Aw, jeez

Aw, jeez.

Aw, jeez. It's not you, it's Lois. She doesn't want me hangin' around with ya.

Aw, jeez. Mine doesn't look anything like his. Ah, the hell with it.

Aw, man. Did anybody else throw up after eatin' that fish last night?

Aw.

Aw. Someone's sittin' in my most favourite seat.

Aye, she's a rose.

Aye.

Ayii a!

Baby Stewie, say hello to your new brothers and sisters.

Back off! Don't come any closer or I'll cut her.

Back to work, all of you! What's going on here?

Bam! Woke up without his kidney.

Bang! Bang!

Bang! I'm Daniel Boone. I'm a man. I'm a big man.

Barkeep, it's like the damn Sahara over here!

Barkeep! Petro nemo slappy wag.

Bastards.

Be strong.

Be sure to tell them how good they look every day,

Beautiful island. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

Beautiful.

Because he's got a lump on his booby.

Because I've already explained that to you. It was a scavenger hunt.

Because if it wasn't for her, I never would've met you, Peter.

Because if it's anything with Greg Kinnear, you can just whack me off right now.

Because if we don't teach our kids to read, how will they ever know what's on?

Because if you were, I think you just lied to mom.

Because l need those socks.

Because mine are so big, this itty bra can barely contain them.

Because next time we won't just take him away, we'll kill him.

Because that's good parenting, right, Bing Crosby?

Because this man always put his job before everything else.

Because this part of the tape is for men only. We'll see you in a little while.

Because you touch yourself at night.

Because you've given me a great gift. The complete Boz Scaggs.

Beer that never goes flat! Do you know what that means, Brian?

Beer that never goes flat. No matter how old it gets, it stays carbonated.

Before he bends a French biscuit on the conveyor belt?

Before I post the cast list...

Before she passed, your aunt recorded a message for you.

Being a single mother is hard.

Being on this campus really brings back memories.

Being out in the world, feeling my power and no accidents.

Believe me, you don't wanna mess with drugs. I tried 'em once big mistake.

Besides, how are we supposed to explain you to Mr. Roper?

Besides, I'm the director.

Bestiality is a sin.

Better than okay, Lois. From now on, I'm gonna appreciate...

Big Fat Paulie?

Big Fat Paulie? There's somethin' I gotta tell ya.

Billiam, are you there?

Biscuit

Bit of breaking news. We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?

Blah, blah, blah, Bishop Desmond Tutu. Blah, blah.

Blast!

Blast!

Blast!

Blast!

Blast! Damn you all. Victory is mine.

Blast! I'm frozen! I'm hypothermic!

Blast! Ooh, a penny.

Blast! This isn't the first time I've been thwarted by my small stature.

Bleh!

Bless her heart. She's on another one of her prayer missions in Las Vegas.

Blood?

Bloody hell, I'm a woman!

Boating's in my blood. Ever since my great grandfather, Huck Griffin,

Bob misses his mommy! Bob misses his mommy!

Bob's Funland and Putt Putt Golf! The grown up in me likes the prospect of fun.

Bon Jovi, everyone.

Bond?

Bonnie.

Boo yah!

Both of the pilots were killed.

Bovine lummox! Oh!

Boy, for a teacher, you sure make love good.

Boy, I had so much fun playing with that.

Boy, l'll be glad when that studio audience moves out of the neighborhood.

Boy, that lotion sure feels good.

Boy, this doesn't leave much to the imagination.

Boy, what a mismatched pair. A free spirit and a puppet.

Boy, will your face be red when they find the black box on this one.

Boy, your face was priceless when you thought he was.

Boys, I'm a miracle worker. I have used all my parenting skills

Boys, please. You used to be so close.

Bravo!

Brian, buckle up. What do you say, Dad?

Brian, do you know anything about this?

Brian, do you know anything about this?

Brian, have you been drinking?

Brian, have you lost your mind? He's just a baby. He doesn't know what he's doing.

Brian, I think we've stumbled on the root of your problems.

Brian, I'm screwed.

Brian, it's the Historical Society. We just gotta convince him that...

Brian, that sounded like Peter.

Brian, that was beautiful! Thank you!

Brian, that's it! If I could get a picture of Luke Perry doing something gaylike

Brian, what happened to Peter?

Brian, where d'you think you are, Payless?

Brian, you really seem to be enjoying your wine lately.

Brian, you'll have to audition just like everyone else.

Brian, your momma gave you up because she thought

Brian! That's a terrific idea!

Brian! We were just on our way to the airport. Is everything OK?

Brian's right.

Brian's right. We've left ourselves defenceless.

Bring it on!

Bring it on!

Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry.

Britney and Amber were, like, "Let's go to the mall."

Brown's the colour of poo!

Bryant and Greg have the kind of father son relationship...

Bryant Gumbel, Greg Gumbel...

Buddy, give it up

Buddy, give it up

But all those people were in front of me.

But an unfunny person like you wouldn't understand that.

But anyone who could take The King and I and turn it into that is...

But everyone loves the rest of you. Lois, women 25 to 49 see you as a role model.

But first I'm gonna go freshen up and rinse out a few things.

But here, I brought you a copy.

But here's something everyone can understand!

But how am I ever gonna spread it on my rippling back and thighs?

But I am not. And even if I was... Come on, I'm Luke Perry.

But I can't do it without you guys, because I'll tell you who's the boss.

But I did know her as a table.

But I did use a different brand of potato chips for the crust.

But I didn't want you to forget about mine.

But I do it every day. Sometimes twice.

But I don't because that would be a hate crime, and I love you.

But I don't want to have to be a good son again for a long, long time.

But I got three wonderful children, and a wife that loves me.

But I love our old house. You have to buy it back.

But I need that log for my recreation of James Madison's cabin.

But I painted that just for you.

But I should tell you it's a miracle you're alive at all.

But I was wrong.

But I won't enjoy it. And she hates it.

But I'll find the culprits if it costs me a million.

But I'm hoping they'll be back in time for Christmas.

But I'm sure you're all with me when I say "Congratulations, you son of a bitch."

But I'm takin' her too. Thanks, Geritol.

But I'm tryin' to be a good father here. I'm real proud of you, champ.

But I've come up with a solution I think will make everyone happy.

But I've never been more attracted to him. Does that make me a bad person?

But I've wanted to go to Brown ever since I was a little girl.

But in my eyes, you're a bunch of sinners and slackers...

But in the new millennium, there is only Christobel!

But is Bobby really a doctor?

But isn't there someone else you should speak to?

But it was too late.

But it's blunt. Hard and blunt.

But it's really for meee...

But just for the heck of it, let's try again.

But l'm warning you, l'm not gonna pull any punches on the issues.

But Loretta's playing Anna, and she's doing a great job.

But maybe we should consider... crating.

But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card.

But Mom said I might as well buy hiking boots and call myself a lesbian right now.

But more important is what you think.

But Mr. McCloud, I'm really dying.

But now it's time for you to meet Mr Death.

But peeping can be dangerous, so l brought you this.

But pictures are better than words...

But powerful, nonetheless.

But promise me, when you make it big, you'll let me take advantage of all the...

But relations between Miles and the clam soon soured.

But seriously, tonight we here at Pawtucket Mill celebrate...

But thanks for letting me draw you naked.

But the Gumbel show is sacred to us.

But the kid in me is suicidal over what a fat bastard I'll become.

But the shelf life of that Sodium Pentothal is only two years and...

But their plane is gonna be making a little stopover in Rhode Island.

But then I just go see what's on the TV.

But then I realized that this is it.

But then they realised it wasn't my time, and so they sent me back to a brewery.

But these days, people who donate money to our foundation...

But unfortunately, you're not entitled to a refund.

But we have to think about the welfare of our children.

But we just had to get Stewie back somehow.

But we usually have breakfast naked and I'm allowed to videotape it.

But we're goin' to the party. Kids!

But we've grown attached to little Stewie. Plus, the law's on our side.

But what I did was wrong. And as an act of contrition,

But what the hell do I know? I've been sued by every patient I ever had.

But when I saw the movie,

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But where are those good old fashioned values

But who has the time? Besides trophy wives.

But winning without honor isn't really winning at all.

But without Nilla wafers, it's just another one of your wretched culinary abortions!

But you are a beautiful person and I am here for you.

But you can still make it. You just need a gimmick.

But you just got here!

But you love mashed turkey and peas.

But you owe me, if you get my drift.

But you promised the fat one would perish.

But you, Mr Griffin, you will take him to the movies.

But you're turning your boy into a slacker.

But you're white.

But your head was too afraid of what the answer might be?

But your property doesn't seem to be on the map.

But, as legend has it, he was saved by a magic clam,

But, Dad, you're retired.

But, Daddy, if you don't do what they say, they'll kill me!

But, Father, I have dreams and courage and the name of an excellent cosmetic surgeon.

But, Mom, it could change my life!

But, Pa, you can't fire me.

But, uh, you know, I always think...

But, uh... I I could never do it cos I was so heavy.

But, uh... we put a stop to the baton.

But, uh... You know, like, attention could be paid.

But, you know, now that I don't weigh so much, I think I can.

But, you know, thanks to these sessions, I think I'm OK.

But, you know, there is another way for you to travel.

But, you know, whatever. That's good.

But... but I would like a second opinion.

But... you didn't tell me anything. You just sat down and said "And that's my plan."

But.... Right here! Security breach!

By a dark chi, or what we call in my country "wee fung chow hu".

By all means, take your time.

By God, I may not be able to give my family a vibrating sex doll,

By not using you to your full potential.

By purchasing this video, you've taken the first step

By the way, I bought a chimp.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, Mom.

C'mon, Death. You can do this.

C'mon, Peter, the don is waiting to meet you.

Call Lois, have her wire us some money and let's get out of here.

Call me!

Call the damn exterminator!

Call the damn exterminator!

Can anybody tell me what the square root of the hypotenuse is... Chris, is that a note?

Can be yours with almost no strings attached.

Can I get stamps, too?

Can I see that pamphlet, sir?

Can we please talk about Peter?

Can you do that fluttery thing like when the Brady kids run down the stairs?

Can you live with that on your conscience?

Can you please shoot me instead of her?

Can... can I tie you to a stick and use you as a white flag?

Can't it be both?

Can't touch me

Can't touch me

Can't touch me

Can't touch me

Can't we just enjoy the rest of your birthday?

Cannonball!

Capricorn.

Car!

Careful with that joke it's an antique.

Careful, Peter.

Careful. I just cleaned the floor.

Careful. There's a bear trap two feet to your right.

Cavity creeps!

Cease this prattling!

Check out my new trampoline.

Cherrywood isn't worth $100 million.

Cherrywood was America's first presidential whorehouse!

Cherrywood? That's so generous of Aunt Marguerite.

Chews it once

Chicken... gave me a bad coupon.

Children love a good bedtime story from the Bible.

Chris Griffin.

Chris Griffin. He got it from his dad.

Chris is all better! I cured him!

Chris was in on the whole thing.

Chris, are you gonna take that from a fisherman?

Chris, be a munchkin and bring my bags inside.

Chris, everything I say is a lie, except that and that.

Chris, I just thought of a way to get the Gumbels back on the air.

Chris, pay attention. I want you to...

Chris, puberty hit you like a ton of bricks.

Chris, stop it. What will the neighbours think?

Chris, that's a terrible word, "booby."

Chris, that's a terrible word. "Pussywillows."

Chris, the way to eat an Oreo is to twist it, pull it apart and lick it.

Chris, this is just another one of your crazy schemes.

Chris, you are responsible for guarding the camp while we fish.

Chris, your mother wants me and you to have a talk.

Chris!

Christobel, the art world is a place of culture and breeding.

Chubby Franklin would always make a face like this.

Chug a lug! Chug a lug! Chug a lug! Chug a lug!

Chumbawamba, gobble...

Chumbawamba, gobbledy gee

Chumbawamba, gobbledy goo

Chumbawamba, gobbledy gorse

City Hall is burning! Don't worry. I'll put it out.

Clam ho o o o!

Clean it up!

Clear the way! I'm a cop!

Cleveland and Quagmire are holding their positions...

Cleveland Junior's beyond your skills. He won't respond to you.

Cleveland, these lobster traps aren't going to catch any intruders.

Cleveland, your kid's a natural. With help, he could be a pro.

Cleveland?

Clumsy oaf! Michael Flatley must be turning over in his grave.

Cockroaches and Twinkees. And there's a Twinkee factory in Natick.

Cocktail!

Coco, the day I graduate from Harvard..

Combine one small town neighborhood with a dash of missing trophy...

Come back here!

Come back here. You're not going out with all that make up on.

Come help me with the groceries.

Come here, you!

Come here, you.

Come into my home, will ya?

Come near my fence again, and that'll be your head!

Come on now! This is damn foolish!

Come on over

Come on, "overcoming adversity"! Let's go, "overcoming adversity"!

Come on, Betty, why don't we get these fellas some sandwiches?

Come on, darling. Stiff upper lip

Come on, everybody. Let's sing a song.

Come on, Greg. Let's roll.

Come on, Griffins. Let's go home.

Come on, honey. He's been having accidents. Maybe he's trying to tell us he's ready.

Come on, kids, we can still make the party if we...

Come on, kids! The director can't be late for the auditions.

Come on, Lois, move or somethin'! Jeez, it's like doin' it with a pillow.

Come on, Lois, you'll love living in Newport.

Come on, Lois. Stop being such a stick in the mud.

Come on, Lois. Those hoop skirts make Diane look a little hippie, you know?

Come on, man. Which one of you is Peter Griffin?

Come on, Meg. The competition is this Sunday, and you're not even close to ready.

Come on, Mr. Fargas, do the whole darn thing.

Come on, Peter.

Come on, Stewie. Don't you wanna pee in the toilet bowl like a big boy?

Come on, Stewie. We're out of here.

Come on, talk to me, sweetie. You look a little down.

Come on, there's a logical explanation for all those things.

Come on, think harder! There's gotta be somethin' you can do.

Come on, what do you say?

Come on, Woody. We're gonna search for food.

Come on, you can't even handle losing at checkers.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! You can do it. Feel the burn, Chris. Feel the burn.

Come on. Hey, hey! None for you, Higgins.

Come on. Let's go get our nails done. Chris, take care of Stewie.

Come on. Lois, I feel great droppin' that kind of weight all at once.

Come on. There's gotta be a hundred clubs at your school.

Come on. Those were written, like, 200 years ago. Times have changed!

Come on. What about the time I was on that airplane?

Come on. You be the stewardess, and I'll be the mysterious stranger who's drillin' you.

Come play with us, Stewie, forever and ever and ever.

Come to my house so I can take a picture of you in a gay pose.

Come, come

Congratulations on second place, Lois.

Congratulations, Gumbel 2 Gumbel is back on the air!

Congratulations, Meg. This is the most sensational story we've ever had.

Congratulations.

Connie Demico does toad?

Consume.

Cookie!

Cookie?

Cookie?

Cookie?

Cookie.

Cos I'm a hic a doo La boy And I'm a hic a doo La girl

Cos I'm tellin' you

Cos if you use toad

Cos Mr Monatti thinks you could be a famous artist.

Could help change Peter back to the way he was.

Could that be Harriet Tubman's secret underground railroad?

Could you please find it in your heart to spare him?

Could you repeat that, please, Peter? I believe I had something crazy in my ear.

Count me out. I'm never going to the theatre with Peter again.

Count yourself lucky you're not a horse

Cowards!

Craig T. Nelson!

Cram it, Gandhi! Santa is Asian.

Crap, Look, my wife, Lois, is the most important person in the worId to me,

Crap!

Crap!

Crap. I get the one straight cop in Rhode Island.

Creating art takes a lot of training and technique.

Cuando la jefe oye de esto somos muertos!

Cut it out. I'm serious.

Cut my egg!

Cut my milk!

Cut! All wrong! No good!

Dad loves all of us. He's just too busy working to show it.

Dad never came to sing at my school. I don't want dessert!

Dad took me to a doctor to get the fat vacuumed out of my belly.

Dad, after all these years, you and me together, side by side, father and son.

Dad, I don't like running. The sound of my thighs scraping together hurts my ears.

Dad, I tried to got to school but this guy won't let me.

Dad, I'm sorry I'm not gonna be a famous artist you can mooch off of.

Dad, if bad men broke into the house,

Dad, it's me. Go to your room.

Dad, Marcy Gibbons just called!

Dad, my God, are you okay?

Dad, nobody gives things away for free.

Dad, some of the guys think that..

Dad, that's just an urban legend.

Dad, the doctor called. Your test results are in.

Dad, this says I gained weight.

Dad, to be honest, I don't like you either.

Dad, we won a boat! We won a boat! Ha ha!

Dad, when you said, "Chris finished his homework," were you talking about me?

Dad, you left the ball game with me to go work in a mill?

Dad, you never did tell us how you got our house back.

Dad, you're not listening. I have a serious problem.

Dad, you're not making any sense!

Dad? Dad?!

Dad's on TV parading around in his underwear like some gross European guy!

Dad's reading Stewie to sleep, just like he never did for me.

Daddy, if you really loved me, you'd buy me a Prada bag.

Daddy, no. Please! Please!

Daddy, we got one!

Daddy.

Dah!

Dammit!

Dammit! It's not coming out.

Damn government, telling me I can't build a pool on my own land.

Damn Irish.

Damn it to hell!

Damn it to pus spewing blood gutted hell!

Damn it, Peter! Snap out of it!

Damn it, Steinberg! Take that hat off!

Damn it!

Damn it! I want pancakes!

Damn pig dog Americans, messin' with my family like this.

Damn those parents of his.

Damn you all!

Damn you, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me?

Damn you, Mop N' Glo.

Damn you, Rupert! Keep these loathsome insects away, or you'll end up like Mr Giraffe.

Damn, crap, damn it to hell, son of a...

Damn, it's not here!

Damn, they musta put it in the wrong baby.

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn! Brother done kissed his mama!

Damn! Not even a second glance.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Damned long ears, tryin' to take Easter away from Jesus. What were you sayin'?

Dance, puppets! Dance!

Dark Side of the Moon synchs up with The Wizard of Oz.

Darling, why are we tormenting ourselves? We're perfect for each other.

Death, there is no way Peter can do your job.

Death, you made a mistake. I'm not supposed to be dead.

December's Mirabella!

Decent phones, God fearing phones,

Delicious, Tom. I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks.

Dharma, come down from there. Wow, I can't get over what a free spirit you are.

Diane, behind me are 1,000 beautiful doves.

Diane, I'm here at the Petorian front, where the US has cut off electricity,

Diane?

Diarrhoea!

Did anything unusual happen to trigger it?

Did somebody open the Ark of the Covenant?

Did you forge my name?! Oh, is that backward "S" supposed to be cute?

Did you have a nice trip with Brian?

Did you hear? It's over! Somebody found the last scroll!

Did you incur any medical expenses this year?

Did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding portrait?

Did you wash your tentacles? My big, handsome boy.

Didn't wanna be a mean guy. Wanna be a dancer.

Didn't you see The Godfather? The don can't refuse a favour on his daughter's wedding.

Dinner was three hours ago!

Do I hear singing? No! No singing.

Do I sound like I'm on old time radio?

Do I... do I have to?

Do it again! Do it again!

Do you collect objets d'art?

Do you guys hear yourselves?

Do you have bruises? Did somebody hit you? Lois, what did you do to my son?

Do you have those round metal things that you bury in the ground...

Do you mind?

Do you reaIIy want your chiIdren's future in the hands of this?

Do you swear to tell the whole truth...

Do you think you're a screw up?

Does anyone here have thumbs? Anyone? No?

Does it mention that I ran two weeks of Junior Varsity track?

Does that not disgust you?

Dog food?

Doing something as unbelievably foolish as getting liposuction? Who, I ask you? Who?

Don, you take my year old blonde daughter out in the chariot for the day.

Don't be depressed, Dad. Here, I made you a present.

Don't be stupid! Santa is black!

Don't be stupid. She speak good and everything.

Don't be using the Lord's name in vain!

Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot

Don't come in! Just a minute!

Don't do it again!

Don't even talk to me, Peter. You humiliated your own wife!

Don't feel bad, Chris. I didn't even want it. Now we all get a free trip to New York

Don't feel bad, Mom. All my friends think you're hot!

Don't forget this. Maybe you could hang it in your office.

Don't get antsy. I got three minutes left.

Don't just sit there! l have misbehaved! l've been a bawdy little monkey!

Don't just sit there! l have misbehaved! l've been a bawdy little monkey!

Don't let her get to you. She asked for "Pine Forest". I gave her "New Car".

Don't let her see you cry, old man. Don't let her see you cry.

Don't like it? Kiss my rump

Don't listen to him, Chris. I'm gonna go get you a soda. You wait here.

Don't listen to your sister. Stickin' your finger down your throat doesn't make you throw up.

Don't look at me! I'm hideous!

Don't make me beg.

Don't mention it at the veterans' hospital. Those guys are committed to the lie.

Don't shell out five bucks for headphones for Magnolia. OK. Now, I'm pissed.

Don't shoot me!

Don't shoot!

Don't sweat it, the Griffin men have always been winners...

Don't visit the neighbourhood of make believe today.

Don't worry, I packed my own backup chute.

Don't worry, I'll take good care of your kid. I got a daughter of my own, you know.

Don't worry, sweetheart. There's always next year.

Don't worry. I know how to handle this.

Don't worry. I... I got it under control.

Don't worry. I... I got it under control.

Don't worry. I'll talk to her.

Don't worry. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.

Don't you remember me? l was your favorite student.

Don't you see what's happening?

Don't you think there's someone who might resent that?

Don't you worry, Lois. I'll get the word out.

Don't! Please!

Don't... don't you go to LaGuardia!

Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!

Doorbell!

Double the freshness, life is more fun

Doubt that. I've got a very comfortable life. I live with a great family, my needs are met.

Dr Kaplan thinks the, uh... accidents are linked to some kind of midlife crisis.

Drink this, honey. It'll bring your fever down. I'm gonna go run you a cool bath.

Drop by Cherrywood this evening.

Drop it. Tell me, Brian, the last accident you remember,

Drove in through the morning fog

Duck.

Duck.

Duck. Duck.

Duddle duddle duddle duddle duddle duh!

Dude, the Bronze Age was so much cooler than the Iron Age.

Dude, you're trippin'!

Duh duh duh duh duh daah!

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh!

Duh duh duh duh duh duh!

Duh duh duh duh duh duuh!

Duh duh duh duh duh!

Duh duh duh duh luuh luh luuh luh luh!

Duh duh duh duh luuh luh luuh luh luuh luh!

Duh duh!

Duh duh!

Duh duh!

Duh duh!

Duh duh! Dah dah dah dah dah dah!

Duh!

Dun dun dun dun dun, hey!

Dun dun dun dun dun, hey!

Dun dun dun dun dun, hey!

Dust him!

Dynomite!

Each float possesses its own unique charm. But none of them...

Each lucky scroll winner and a guest of their choice will take a magical tour of the brewery,

Each residence has 200 feet of pristine ocean front.

Earthquake. Truck going by.

Easy!

Eat, Tom Selleck. Come on. Down the hatch.

Eight, nine, ten.

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

ENGLISH SDH

Enough, Batman. I don't...

Erica, it's time for Mario's little confession.

Erica, you know I love you, but I gotta come clean.

Esoteric?

Especially his own son.

Especially Stewie. He's so impressionable.

Eurgh!

Even a tambourine shaking Baptist could tell this boy's no good!

Even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it. Huh?

Even if they're homely and unkempt.

Even if winning means spending time out of the house and away from my family.

Even my own dad doesn't love me. Face it. I'm going to Hell.

Even though she couldn't straighten out Bill.

Even worse, I turned a beautifuI gift from Lois into something cheap and tawdry,

Ever stare at the night sky and wonder if someone might be lookin' back at ya?

Ever the free thinker, Miles was thrown overboard for speaking his mind.

Every man does it, even Mr. Rogers.

Every time I see that lame o actor I put your head on his body.

Every time that you cough

Every year she wins and rubs it in my face.

Everybody Poops is still the standard, of course.

Everybody, my tax refund is here. I'm gonna buy us somethin' we've always wanted.

Everybody's good at somethin'. It's just a matter of findin' the special hidden talent.

Everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches,

Everyone leave. I have to poop.

Everyone would stop looking, giving me the edge to find it myself.

Everyone, meet Jeffrey, the newest member of the club of forgotten children.

Everyone's talking about how you trashed the jukebox. Classic cool.

Eviscerate the proletariat!

Ew, gross, man!

Ew!

Ew! Mom, Stewie peed on the rug again.

Excedrin headache number one: puppy mill.

Excellent texture, provocative support. Try another, you say?

Excellent. Mr Griffin, why don't you come up here and give it a try?

Except for Pearl Bailey at a book signing once...

Except for you. You can touch me.

Except that guy with the lazy eye. He sees a loser and the snack machine.

Except you. You'll be Bosley.

Excuse me for a minute.

Excuse me, excuse me. My friend is differently abled. May he go ahead of you?

Excuse me, ladies, it's laundry time.

Excuse me, Lord Griffin.

Excuse me, Mr Mayor. We have an outsider who wishes to join our community.

Excuse me, sir, what is a handsome man like you doing waiting in line?

Excuse me, sir. I'm an experienced crop dusting pilot.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me? You. Get out of here!

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hello! I'm Stewie. Big fan.

Excuse me. I'd like to say a couple of truths to the men in this audience.

Excuse me. I'll give you $1,000 for what you have in the back there.

Excuse me. We're here to see the dean.

Excuse us. We're having a small problem with home security.

Face it, it's over. Why not sit down with the mayor and negotiate some kind of treaty?

Face it, Lois, I'm a nobody. Why can't I be famous like Bob?

Face it, Peter. You have a knack for saying the wrong thing.

Face it, you're just jealous because people like my ideas better than yours.

Face it, your attitude towards women isn't exactly enlightened.

Fat boy smelled a hot dog. Couldn't help it. Went right in.

Fat boy!

Fat man with his kids and dog

Fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery.

Fat, old husband walking over

Fate's brought me back here for a reason.

Fatty corpuscle? Wait a minute. How the hell can a dead comedian...

Fear not, some day word will reach you about the success of me,

Fellas, esoteric means "delicious."

Fellas, the debate's in the bag, all right?

Filled with beautiful people. And I'm gonna bag me a rich one.

Finding it hard to go up and down stairs?

Fine, if you feel that strongly, then by all means run.

Fine! Do your stupid show without me.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. But this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopie.

Fine. If Chris doesn't need me, I don't need him.

Finish up, honey. Then I'll put you down for a nice nap.

Fire her? She's the highest testing character on the show!

Fire that sexy, interesting version of our daughter and make us a family again,

First I took an art class.

First I tried teachin' him how to eat an Oreo.

First of all, if I can speak in my own defence, all I did was tell a little joke.

First place goes to Spooner Street.

First place, Bobby Hammill and his dad. Second place, Jimmy Lawson and his dad.

First, why don't you attach that green one to that purple one?

Five times

Five times as big as that guy's steak.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Flappy, good news! I've decided not to kill you!

Flappy, what have you done to me?

Flight 85 to Providence. Final boarding.

Florida! That's the name of a state!

Fly for free?

For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that cos my damn watch is broken!

For couples who communicate not good."

For example, "It's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having."

For example, Chris has his drawing, Meg does her birdcalls, I sing beautifully.

For less that the ticket price of one of my movies

For my next number...

For starters, we're making sex education more fun.

For that matter, what happened to Kaye Ballard?

For that matter, who the hell are you, and why should I give a damn?

For the good of your soul, show some restraint.

For the Last Time, I'm not Mr T by Ving Rhames.

For the new colony of Rhode Island.

For the next 15 minutes?

For you parents, toad licking is also known as lily padding,

For your information, I have a student that could whip you.

Forget it! Let's just get on the bloody plane and go home.

Forget the party. The world's gonna end. Y2K. I heard it from a chicken man.

Forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials.

Fortunately for the other passengers, actress Karen Black...

Four times

Fourth wall! You're breaking the fourth wall!

Francis, this must be embarrassing for you.

Francis, we were watching that.

Francis.

Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem.

Freeze! Dad?

Frenching the prince, and doing Kermit.

From a combination of tuberculosis and a tomahawk to the head

From down here, you look like a Pisces!

From now on, Joe will be your father.

From the cats who brought you Caddyblack, Blackdraft...

From The Incredible Hulk.

From this day forth, this territory will be known as "Petoria"!

From TV's "Empty Nest".

Frontsies, backsies, backsies, backsies.

Funnier than the one where Anus got the hamster stuck in his mouth.

Funny sailing story

FYI, he used the fat he took out of her to make the two kids from Good Burger.

Game over, man. Game over.

Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people.

Gee, the sun seems really strong, even for my already bronzed skin.

Gemini.

Gentlemen, I apologize for wasting your time.

Gently tied to each of their delicate legs is a parade theme...

Get a case of beer. We've got a lot of practising to do.

Get away!

Get carried away by seven million fire ants.

Get me exclusive rights to his death and you got a deal.

Get me Isaac Hayes.

Get me the president of television!

Get out of here, you little bastard.

Get out of here! Go on, get out of here!

Get out of my head!

Get out there and tell those people the truth.

Get over yourself. I was talking about me.

Get that camera out of my face!

Get that puree of loathsomeness away from me!

Giddy up, you stubby little mare! To the pancake house!

Girlfriend, you know what time it is?

Give Aunt Marguerite a big Griffin family welcome.

Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have?

Give it up

Give it up Gotta give up the toad now

Give me that!

Give Nana a big hug, sweetheart.

Give up the toad now

Give up the toad now

Give up the toad now

Gladys, it took me two hours to work up the courage to rent this porno.

Glen, honey, I have a question for you. What do you do for a living?

Gloria Ironbox and Camille Paglia are gonna whip it out and see whose is bigger.

Go ahead, Dad.

Go ahead, honey, and tell us your... Marx.

Go ahead. I am obligated to grant one favour on this, the day of my daughter's wedding.

Go away now. I'm gonna do stuff to her.

Go away! Agh!

Go back and pay the bill, Peter. You, uh, don't wanna break the law.

Go back to your rice paddy, Mulan!

Go buy yourself some more money.

Go on, buds, drink my suds

Go on! That's it.

Go on. That's it.

Go on. That's it.

Go, Dad!

Go, Dad.

Go, Spooner Street!

Go!

Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Goal!

Gobbledy glue!

Gobraun takes the snap and fades back to pass.

God forbid you should have put a little eyeliner on for my homecoming.

God knows who she might hire.

God, as soon as my movie deal kicks in, I am such a ghost!

God, I flew across the Atlantic by myself. I'm a national treasure, for God's sake.

God, I hate that manly walk of hers.

God, I love him.

God, it gets me hot when Joe lies to strangers.

God, of course, and um... who else?

God, of course. I..

God, please tell me I have a brain tumour and this is all just a side effect from the chemo.

God, your hand is like ice! Just here. Give it to me.

God! I thought you'd be happy!

God! Keep it to yourself once in a while! Oh!

God's watching me do number two?

Going with Dad is gonna skyrocket me up the popularity food chain.

Gonna take a bite

Good day, shopkeep.

Good day.

Good evening. I'm Diane Simmons.

Good for you, Peter.

Good for you, son. Hey, where's Chris? I asked him to fill the canteens an hour ago.

Good for you. That was a very grown up decision.

Good game, Mean Joe. You want some of my Coke?

Good God! I've been adopted by a Benetton ad!

Good Lord! Do you bathe in Aqua Velva?

Good Lord! That's a dirty magazine!

Good morning, family. Hey, Lois, remember when I was the third Hardy Boy?

Good morning, Mrs Griffin. Hello! Hello! Hello!

Good morning, Peter. I made your favorite breakfast.

Good morning. I'm Diane Simmons. We now go to Tom Tucker,

Good producers put their ideas to work outside the theater.

Good thing.

Good, good. Peggy, turn off the plagues, please.

Good, it's starting to get really old.

Good. I'm looking forward to it.

Good. Kevin walked me home.

Goodbye, Meg. I love you.

Goodness! He's wet everything.

Goose!

Goose!

Gordon?

Gorgeous guys like us don't have to wait. Haven't you noticed?

Got it.

Got milk?

Got to get me some of that.

Gotcha!

Gotcha.

Gotta give it all up

Gotta give it up

Gotta give it up

Gotta give up the toad now

Grandpa Griffin?

Grandpa is wrong.

Grandpa, we were just holding hands.

Great news, Edgar Bronfman, Jr.

Great.

Great. You can get Mr. Fargas his job back.

Great. You want a cookie whenever you do somethin' right? Get some firewood.

Greg Allman, how did you handle it when life got you down?

Griffin. Sorry, not on the list.

Guess who needs a place to sleep it off for the weekend?

Guilty conscience!

Gumbel 2 Gumbel, Beach Justice.

Gushin' from ya

Guys, I don't say this often enough, but I'm gonna die.

H... Um... Er... Y y...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ee! Ah oh!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha! Well, the fat man made a funny.

Ha ha! I'm turnin' you into poo.

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha!

Ha, ha, ha, look at me! I'm Fred Astaire.

Ha, ha, ha! "Diarrhoea"!

Ha, ha, ha! "Duty".

Ha, ha, ha! I love when you use topical humour.

Ha, ha, ha! That's my dad! Well, maybe tomorrow, we could all...

Ha! Boy, you throw like a fishwife. Come on, ya hairy, lubbin', friggin' rod.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! I said "Will you be my wife?" You said yes, so it is official. Let me touch your face.

Ha! Oh, oh, this is so good, it just has to be fattening.

Ha! Well, I'm sure the dealer will take care of it.

Ha! You're just mad about the car. Don't worry. I'll think of a way to fix it

HaIt, Present haII pass, Excuse me?

Hand to God. I'm telling you, it was a huge freakin' rat.

Hang on, Lois.

Hang up!

Happy freakin' birthday, Lois.

Has absolutely no negative consequences.

Has been a mandatory part of our personnel training for 50 years.

Has had any food since we got fused together.

Has said that he's opening his never before seen brewery to a lucky few.

Hats off to Miss Black for proving once again that, given the opportunity...

Have a glorious day.

Have fun!

Have the towel boy bring you another.

Have you ever had to tell a lie in order to keep a friend?

Have you seen the lips on that woman? It's like a baboon's ass on her face!

Have you the moral authority to lead?

Haven't you heard? At midnight, every computer in the world is gonna fail.

Having him at the factory is the best...

He ain't real. He dead.

He can take it right home with him!

He can't come in. He's fat.

He can't hear you.

He could never kill anyone.

He does that at home with Velveeta and cockroaches.

He doesn't know how to haggle.

He failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin...

He had no bones, and he couldn't really play any sports.

He has so much to live for, Death. He loves his children and me...

He is.

He just left without saying anything? Where would he go?

He left a message. I forgot to tell you.

He lives next door to a harlot!

He looks just like his father.

He must still be working the junk out of his system.

He nailed one! We have our theme!

He needs hugs!

He never said anything about liking him.

He said he'd distract the social worker.

He said he'd distract the social worker.

He said I, too, was the boss. And it's time Cleveland got his due.

He shoots, he scores!

He suggested I go out into the world and pursue my dreams. I'm leaving tomorrow.

He sure did! Who needs drugs when you go to the dance with the coolest guy in school?

He turned the house into a giant puppet.

He wanted me to tell you I killed him.

He was a loser then, and he's a loser now.

He was a wise man, but he just loved playing with that wheat thresher.

He was as good as dead.

He was different. He was definitely...

He was doing it for you. He knows how much you want to go to Brown.

He was gone for the day so I left it on his desk.

He was my favorite teacher!

He was so different from everyone else.

He went to the shore on this day in hopes that the magic clam would return.

He won't rest until he kills something on every continent.

He, uh... thinks I'm in love.

He... he was different enough, you know.

He... Not as much as the baton.

He'd have to believe you. You're God's go to guy.

He'll be here in half an hour.

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy

He's a family guy!

He's also vile and disgusting.

He's back. Don't look at him, honey. Eat your potatoes.

He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star.

He's been that way since I was a kid.

He's gone. Maybe you better stick to lookin' after your own son.

He's got a very rare disease called tumor syphilis itis osis.

He's got stupid cool hip hop style with his little hat and his Doc Martens.

He's growing nipples all over his body!

He's in jail.

He's just using that as an excuse.

He's not cramming hors d'oeuvres in his mouth or asking anyone to pull his finger.

He's not the kind of person I want hangin' around our family.

He's okay! Thank God!

He's okay. He reminds me a lot of me at that age.

He's probably hurt, or lost, or shanghaied by pirates!

He's probably just ashamed, Lois.

He's probably out enjoying himself.

He's right, Lois. I am no good.

He's right. If we work together, we can win this thing. Who's in?

He's right. You've disturbed the natural order.

He's so deliciously evil.

He's sorting your recycling because he loves our Mother Earth.

He's spend hours in the back yard playing Wonder Woman.

He's tastin' victory. I bet it tastes good.

He's the one who wanted the trophy all along!

He's the whole reason I'm here.

Heal me, O great one!

Heard you might not enter the competition this year. Smart move.

Heeey!

Hello, and welcome to Diane!

Hello, Boston!

Hello, China? I have something you may want, but it's gonna cost you.

Hello, Death? Guess where I'm calling from?

Hello, everybody.

Hello, ladies. I'm Miss Watson, director of the retreat.

Hello, lips, legs, breasts, and ass.

Hello, little sea monkeys.

Hello, Mr. Griffin.

Hello, neighbor.

Hello, neighbour. I'm glad we're together again.

Hello!

Hello! Agh! Agh!

Hello! Ha, ha! Just kidding.

Hello?

Hello? Operator? Hello?

Hello? What's he got?

Hello? Where... where is everybody?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. I'm Doctor Amanda Rebecca.

Help! Jane!

Henry, give the little skank a nice tip.

Her husband, Peter Griffin, was elected by a landslide.

Here at the Lobster Shanty.

Here comes the rush. Oh, he's sacked!

Here I go. Duh duh nuh duh duh duh nuh...

Here is my handle, here is my spout

Here it comes.

Here it is.

Here we go, Dad!

Here you are! What the hell is this?

Here you go, hon. From Flappy himself.

Here you go, Mr President. Mr President!

Here, Honey. What's this? Blueberries?

Here, look what I'm doing. All right? Look, watch this.

Here, this'll make you feel better.

Here. A good breakfast is the foundation of a good day.

Here. Now let me do you.

Here's 50 cents. Do me a favour, sweetheart.

Here's a little something for good luck.

Here's a pleasant sight. Cirrhosis the Wonder Dog.

Here's an artist's rendering of what they might look like.

Here's an ice cream. We love you, Meg.

Here's some Tylenol. Great. Tylenol. I asked for Advil.

Here's to togetherness!

Here's your check. God bless.

Here's your dessert, sweetie. Dig in.

Here's your introductory basket. It's got lotions, Ferrari sunglasses,

Here's your pillow, sir. And your Sports Illustrated.

Herman Melville was a customs agent.

Hey there, spud with the mud.

Hey, a Twinkie! A ha ha ha ha ha! A ha ha! I'm gonna get you!

Hey, any of you guys want a soda? I'm gonna go inside and get a soda.

Hey, are we in Tiananmen? Because I see a square.

Hey, be a sport. Take the pills out of my pocket and put one under my tongue.

Hey, Big Fat Paulie.

Hey, Brian. How you doin'? They let you out already?

Hey, calm down. Lots of crazy people have gone on to lead normal, successful lives.

Hey, camera guy, check this out. "Peter Griffin and Madame."

Hey, can somebody give me a hand with all this talent?

Hey, Chris, gimme the juice.

Hey, Chris! Hector found two rocks outside that look like boobs! You in?

Hey, Cleveland, check out my on board computer navigation system. Standard.

Hey, come on! Knock it off!

Hey, Connie pulled a power move. When the most popular girl in school

Hey, Dad, do you think they got Gumbel 2 Gumbel in heaven?

Hey, Dad, I can see a white light at the end of a long tunnel.

Hey, Dad, look!

Hey, Dad, they're singing a song about me!

Hey, Dad, why don't you invent the Frisbee?

Hey, Dad. Hurry up. You're missing Gumbel 2 Gumbel.

Hey, Dad. I'm workin'. I'm wor...

Hey, Dad. Thanks.

Hey, Death, you got a file on me? Yeah, it's in the car, I think.

Hey, did you ever notice this? On page 375, it says "Jebus."

Hey, does anybody have any drugs? I'm lookin' to score some drugs.

Hey, dude. You want some of these?

Hey, everybody likes feet. C'mon, the party's just startin'.

Hey, everybody, here's our star!

Hey, fellas, I hope you're hungry. Aagh!

Hey, flathead, chop chop.

Hey, forget about it.

Hey, gorgeous. You wanna come home with me?

Hey, great job on the lawn.

Hey, great show out there.

Hey, Griffin. Down here.

Hey, guys, guys, get this. So Lois wants a part time job, right?

Hey, guys. Guys, check it out. Quagmire's tryin' to get lucky.

Hey, he keeps licking his finger and touching me!

Hey, hey, hey! I'm gettin' a boat!

Hey, hey, hey. Come on, now.

Hey, hey, hey. I'm cool, I'm cool. No problem.

Hey, hey, hey. Let's talk turkey, Monatti.

Hey, hey, how about that Viagra, huh?

Hey, hey! Whoa!

Hey, honey, I'm sorry we missed your ball game.

Hey, hot dog guy!

Hey, how's the flow today?

Hey, I can take this hat off any time I want. I just don't want to.

Hey, I just got a crazy idea!

Hey, I just got another crazy idea!

Hey, I recognize you from the television.

Hey, I thought you were taking me to the dance!

Hey, I'm Doug, nice to meet ya. Whoa, have you lost weight?

Hey, I've gotten people to believe crazier things.

Hey, it's my job, all right? This is what I do.

Hey, Kevin, come here. Come here! Say hi to Meg.

Hey, kid! Thanks for not ratting me out. Is there anything I can do to pay you back?

Hey, kid. Catch.

Hey, kids. I'm Santa Claus.

Hey, Lando.

Hey, let me see that.

Hey, Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV?

Hey, Lois, I...

Hey, Lois, if you happen to see the dungeon master,

Hey, Lois, there's a Bible in here.

Hey, Lois, this is Big Fat Paulie

Hey, Lois. I did it!

Hey, Lois. What do you call a woman who takes for ever to cook breakfast?

Hey, look at me! I'm a Christian! I'm reading the Bible!

Hey, look at me! I'm the man in the boat! All right!

Hey, Meg, it's Kevin from next door. I didn't know you worked here.

Hey, Meg. Try to guess the word I'm thinking of right now.

Hey, Meg. What's got four arms, four legs and one set of lips?

Hey, Mr. Fargas! lt's me, Peter Griffin!

Hey, Mr. Weed?

Hey, Murph. You can't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah the Ayatollah

Hey, Murphy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, John Sununu.

Hey, old bean.

Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here... Holy crap, it's Peter.

Hey, Peter, in case you didn't know,

Hey, Peter, this next one you can blame on the dog.

Hey, Peter, you want a menu, or just the usual everything?

Hey, Quagmire, I'm also getting a boat too.

Hey, Quagmire, maybe the comedian will tell some jokes

Hey, Quagmire, you up for some campin'?

Hey, shut up!

Hey, son, show the folks at home what you got there.

Hey, Stewie, I see your bum.

Hey, thanks! You think that was great? Watch this!

Hey, that's against the law. You're comin' with me.

Hey, that's my dad. Except for that one.

Hey, there, Rover

Hey, this kid here just knocked the ball 300 yards.

Hey, Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big old fat kid.

Hey, Tom! He's not a van! He's just a fat kid!

Hey, waiter. The name's Peter Griffin.

Hey, watch where you're goin'.

Hey, we should go to the circus.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, when you're beautiful, doors magically open for you.

Hey, who wants a Fenway frank?

Hey, you got something on your other cheek too.

Hey, you guys have any bellhops that are rats, like the Muppets?

Hey, you guys! It's a fake! There's still a scroll out there!

Hey, you guys. Lois, you running for School Board?

Hey, you that Griffin boy's father? Paddy Tanninger, the caddy manager.

Hey, you wanna hear some horror stories,

Hey, you're Tom Tucker.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Break up the sewing circle and get back to work!

Hey! Everyone! Look at me! Look, look! Look at me.

Hey! Hey, come back here! She's gonna sing "Rainbow Connection"!

Hey! Hey, everybody! Hey, look what Chris Griffin's father Peter Griffin's doin'!

Hey! Hey! Don't you start runnin'!

Hey! Hey! Fidel! No running around the pool!

Hey. Hey, Brian, the guy who wrote this, his name? Charles Dickens.

Hey. Hey, I'm over here. Hey!

Hey. Hey! Stay outta here. Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Glen. I'm sorry to bother you. Is this a bad time?

Hi, I'm Bob Goen, and these are Mary Hart's legs.

Hi, I'm Peter Griffin,

Hi, little fella.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, my name is towel. I have a Peter for you.

Hi, Stewie.

Hi, this is David Leisure. You probably remember me as the neighbour

Hi. Cookie?

Hi. How you doin'? You mind if I, uh...

Hi. I'm Brian.

Hi. I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I need a human foot.

Hi. I'm Susan Sarandon.

Hi. Tom Tucker, local news anchor. And on my days off, a golf enthusiast.

Hi. Yeah, we're the Griffins.

Hi. You've got our votes. Thank you, Cleveland.

Hic a doo La!

Hic a doo La!

Hic a doo La!

Hic a doo La!

Hic a doo La's that feeling when you hold hands with your best gal.

Hint hint.

His name was never in the paper,

His report card came today.

His wife, his health, even his own son.

His wife, yes. Peter tells me you don't have a career of your own.

His zest for life is an affirmation of God's great love within us all.

Hit me, you five card stud.

Hm! Hidden missile silos behind the Great Wall.

Hm.

Hm.

Hm. 29Ib. That's big for your age.

Hm. Hey, I just got a great idea.

Hm. Instant stuffing or instant mashed potatoes? The choices are...

Hm. It would be nice to get out of the house.

Hm. Mmm mm.

Hm. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Hmm. That was incredible, Kevin.

Hoisted by my own petard!

Hola, Stewie.

Hold it right there!

Hold it, you two. Aren't you a little old to be drinking illegally?

Hold it. I can't be your king.

Hold me for what?

Hold on, I'm getting another call. Brenda?

Hold on, little fella! This is just for big people.

Hold on, Lois. People do a lot of crazy things just to be accepted.

Hold on! You have a choice.

Hold on. I gotta rinse my retainer.

Hold on. Meg, Meg, I'm sorry. That is a really boring story.

Hold that thought. Hey, boys, you're on.

Hold the phone.

Holy crap, Chris. What the hell? I put you in charge of the food.

Holy crap, I am freakin' out!

Holy crap, it's The Breakfast Club.

Holy crap, this is hot.

Holy crap! Anybody else feel that?

Holy crap! There's nothing to grab onto!

Holy crap! We did! We won a free freakin' boat!

Holy crap! You sweet old broad, I love you!

Holy Mother! It's the Holy Father.

Honey, he didn't mean to hurt you. And, you know, you could still go to the dance.

Honey, hold still and let me bathe you. You're filthy.

Honey, I'll be right there.

Honey, I'm glad you discovered your feminine side,

Honey, I'm gonna do this for you

Honey, I'm sorry I got us kicked outta New Quahog.

Honey, I'm sorry. You know you can't sneak up on me.

Honey, if you wanna lose weight, I'll put you on a diet

Honey, Mommy's making you some new feetie pyjamas.

Honey, of course l can.

Honey, this is where you belong. You deserve a big house and nice stuff.

Honey, what happened?

Honey, would you like some pancakes?

Honey, you're gonna make our name famous

Honey! Honey, you remember where the stool was.

Honeycomb big, yeah yeah yeah

Hosanna! It's the lesser of two evils.

How about if you blow up the earth?

How about some whipped cream?

How about that, Callaghan?

How about this?

How about this? Every night when you get home from work,

How am I supposed to compete with that?

How can he be Asian?

How can you just sit there and let him talk like that?

How come I'm going to the Snow Ball with Lando?

How could this happen? I thought we lived in such a nice small town.

How could you bring a mobster into your own home?

How could you bring a toad into this house?

How could you do this? You turned my life into the 24 hour Loser Channel.

How could you embarrass me?! Nobody better pull this crap at my slumber party.

How could you treat Chris that way? You know he's self conscious about his weight.

How dare you call my parenting into question?!

How dare you reduce my finely hewn thespian stylings...

How dare you reduce my finely hewn thespian stylings...

How dare you sully my good name by spreading slanderous filth!

How dare you!

How dare you! This is a wonderful home!

How did you do that?

How did you get that?

How did you know? I just had a feeling.

How expected.

How in the world did you make $1,100 as a waitress in one week?

How ironic! "Rogers". It almost rhymes with "eliminate".

How is he gonna recognise us? He doesn't know who we are.

How long do you think you can keep up this charade?

How long have you been there?

How much moral bankruptcy and perversion must we, the people, endure?

How old is this TV?

How positively delightful. It's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!

How very inappropriate. Thank you.

How was school?

How was your day?

How we hang out before I kill them for worshipping the wrong god.

How you doing, honey?

How's that?

Huh, huh.

Huh! Good luck. She only talks to the cool kids.

Huh! I'll be right over there.

Huh! You know Mr T always wanted to be a Broadway dancer?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Huh? Huh? There you go.

Huh? Look. See that, see that?

Huh? Outside?

Huh? Would you like that?

Huh? You'll see. I'm gonna turn this kid into the greatest golfer ever.

Huh.

Huh. I think I know what you're gettin' at.

Huh. I think we've found his muse.

Huh. Kinda tickles.

Huh. Nothin'.

Huh. So that's what Peter's penis looks like.

Humina humina humina!

Hup. I got a live one. Peter Griffin

I actually had to rent a Mustang.

I admit we've got our problems, like any couple, but true love conquers all!

I adore this man!

I almost forgot. Don't start your car...

I also demand to remain my own, independent nation.

I always thought I'd go to my first nudie bar with my dad. He doesn't have time for me.

I always wake up fine, but it's just so darn inconvenient...

I am a robot ninja from the planet England...

I am an Automaton Nuclear Neo human Android.

I am gettin' tired of you doin' everything without consultin' me. And...

I am gettin' tired of you doin' everything without consultin' me. And...

I am Jorad. I and my band of highway warriors control this territory.

I am Jorad. I and my band of highway warriors control this territory.

I am not a crazy broad.

I am not a crook.

I am not worthy.

I am so freaking wasted!

I am through selling out.

I am very upset with you right now.

I assemble our new action figure, Zeke, the moody drifter.

I assure you, Peter will be there. His job depends on it.

I baited them with these plump and tasty Fenway franks.

I barely had time to stuff Lois' salmon in my jacket.

I beg to differ.

I bet that scroll makes the beer taste terrible.

I brought you a magazine. Glamour, great.

I call it "Smith's Theory of Relativity."

I called Brian. He's gonna watch the kids till we get back. When will our passports arrive?

I came about the time you started pummelling her with your tail.

I came because I love the theater.

I can do whatever I want. Watch this.

I can get a much better gay guy than you.

I can get that, Sebastian.

I can learn how to please my man. Go get me an Entertainment Weekly.

I can riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat

I can see this is gonna be very intense.

I can still take orders!

I can write graffiti, even jaywalk in the street

I can write graffiti, even jaywalk in the street

I can't believe Chris. If I hadn't used his painting to patch that window,

I can't believe he did that!

I can't believe he did that! This guy is so in!

I can't believe how terrible the fishin' was.

I can't believe I'm missing Ronnie's party for this.

I can't believe they kicked me out of the yacht club.

I can't believe you drank 300 bottles of beer without succumbing...

I can't believe you'd do this to us, Meg. Maybe now I won't give you the antidote.

I can't believe you're all still standin' by my side after what a jerk I was.

I can't do it without booze.

I can't even say my name without people asking me if I made it up.

I can't imagine how screwed up your kids must be.

I can't remember the last time I loved you so much.

I can't remember the last time we cuddled like this.

I can't respect men. Men are the reason our world is in such lousy shape.

I can't say no to you, honey. What are they, like, $10?

I can't send an unwed teenage mother out on the street without a job.

I can't think of anything. I guess I don't have any talent.

I can't understand why you'd dump your daughter for Connie Demico.

I can't wait to get my sea legs! Yeah!

I can't, sir. It's liquid.

I choose to be a wife and mother. And now I'm choosing to end this conversation.

I convinced Meg to go to the dance, so I'm gonna go drop her off.

I could give him the house and call it even.

I could never choose. I love all my children equally.

I couldn't have done it without you, Pa.

I couldn't have stolen it.

I covered my back with honey, and now the ants are takin' me home.

I did love spending time here when I was a kid.

I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. Mass.

I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. What else haven't you told me?

I didn't know what to bring, so I made coleslaw. It's made out of people!

I didn't listen to what my wife had to say and now she's as good as dead.

I didn't make cheerleader because I'm so plain,

I didn't say anything. Go to sleep, crazy lady.

I didn't think I'd make a good Gigi either, but, God help me, I was flattered.

I disagree.

I do trust our kids. It's the other kids I don't trust.

I do. You bastard.

I don't care if he ever gets back.

I don't care if the whole world loves your ideas.

I don't care if they're from Kubla filthy wretched Khan!

I don't care if you do kill me, I'm not gonna kill those kids.

I don't care what that says! You can't take my husband!

I don't fly, you know. I take the subway like everybody else.

I don't get it, Lois. Baseball's always been the secret to male bonding.

I don't get it, Mom.

I don't have a moustache. Do I?

I don't know about this.

I don't know how you can find anything in this city. It's so confusing.

I don't know what to say, except, "I'm the king of the..."

I don't know who you are, but just because you're sitting...

I don't know, Dad. What am I gonna do?

I don't know, Peter, she's a news reporter.

I don't know, Peter.

I don't know, Quagmire. Lovemaking with Loretta has somehow lost its intimacy.

I don't know. I asked him to buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.

I don't know. It's such a big responsibility.

I don't know. What if somethin' happens to ya? I'm too old to start dating again.

I don't know. You're the flavour of the month. Oops! Window open.

I don't like the look of her!

I don't mean that completely untrue gay rumor.

I don't talk to the press under any circumstances.

I don't talk to the press under any circumstances.

I don't think I like feet as much as you do.

I don't think so.

I don't think we have to worry about that.

I don't trust them.

I don't trust you. You put your seed in my daughter's belly. You're fired.

I don't trust you. You put your seed in my daughter's belly. You're fired.

I don't wanna go. I had a bad experience with a fish once.

I don't wanna have to live with plastic on the furniture like some Italian family.

I don't wanna hear any more excuses from anyone.

I don't wanna meet the man who looks good after that.

I don't want to bother him.

I don't want to play the piano!

I don't want to tattle.

I dreamt I saw the strangest episode of Family Guy,

I dropped my watch.

I dug the latrine 50 feet out.

I farted real loud on purpose to make the guys laugh,

I feel so naughty. Lois, what are you doing?

I feel terrible about this. Why don't I put us up in a nice hotel for a couple of days?

I feel we've been walkin' in circles.

I finally get a date with Kevin, and he gets vaporised.

I finally get Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night. It's a comedy that's too good to be funny.

I finally got up the guts, but I had this damn nervous twitch.

I follow the old divining rod. Whoa!

I gave my son those magazines,

I get it

I got 'em! Ha ha ha! It's just like hunting.

I got a B plus in Health

I got a carton of cigarettes. Old man grabbed me, said "Hey, smoke up, Tony."

I got a girl pregnant. What do I do?

I got a million of them.

I got a package for you, too. All right.

I got a rock.

I got another relationship tape.

I got great ideas, but they look at me, and all they see is a loser.

I got it!

I got it.

I got news for them. I'm as elegant as anyone in this room.

I got one, Dad!

I got the mu... Oh, my God!

I got us a story on the 11:00 news.

I gotta fight for my right to party.

I gotta find a silver scroll. Everyone's lookin'.

I gotta get myself a breast exam.

I grew up in this town,

I guarantee ya, I am never gonna hear from those guys again.

I guarantee you a man made that commercial.

I guess I was wrong about you. You're no artist. You're just a no talent punk.

I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

I guess it's their time.

I guess Miss Wears A Hat All The Time is gonna nark on us, aren't you?

I guess nobody really needs guns. I'm not always right after all.

I guess some mysteries are better left unsolved.

I guess the good Lord doesn't have much use for an old man like me.

I guess this is good bye. Meg, you're the man of the family now.

I guess wantin' it more than anyone just wasn't enough.

I guess we can try that... Action!

I guess we could postpone our trip.

I guess.

I had a dream

I had rehearsal for Death of a Salesman, but we can't show death at school,

I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois.

I had this dream last night. Did you ever see Logan's Run?

I happen to know that nothing of historical significance ever occurred here.

I hate these high pressure sales situations.

I hate to say this...

I hate you!

I hate you!

I have a canker sore on my lip, and I keep pokin' at it with my tongue,

I have a certificate to prove it.

I have a confession. I've been living a lie!

I have a purpose in life again.

I have a question for you, too. Why are you still here?

I have aIways cared deepIy about young peopIe,

I have all the episodes on tape if you want to borrow them.

I have asked you here tonight so that you may perform a service.

I have been expecting you, ANNA. Let me introduce my Siamese children.

I have great kids. That's not what Grandpa says.

I have more creativity in my whole body than most people do before 9:00 a.m.

I have no friends, and it's all because of this stupid purse!

I have no future! I'm just gonna wait in my room until I'm dead.

I have no son. Except for Stewie.

I have slain the evil emperor.

I have squandered my munitions budget on that insipid Rugrats video!

I have to draw you.

I have to find my mother and make peace with her.

I have to go oil up and start squeezing into my leather pants. Excuse me.

I have to stay off it for a while. Not here.

I have to. As you said, Peter, "I am the freakin' Pope."

I haven't been this bored since that stupid drive in movie.

I haven't been thrown outta any place since I was a counsellor at the bulimia clinic.

I haven't brushed my teeth in three days, and no one has said a thing.

I haven't even told your father that Aunt Marguerite is coming to visit.

I haven't had sex in ages.

I hear it's got a great picture of me sneaking up on Tom Snyder.

I hear report cards vere handed out today. Vot were your grades?

I hear there's a Carvel factory in Framingham.

I heard that, Damn!

I hereby proclaim Siam the United States of America.

I hope he didn't change his mind.

I hope his teen years go better than mine. Boy, talk about awkward.

I hope I see Indians! Think they'll have American cheese?

I hope my face clears up by then.

I hope you like big breasts

I imagine you wouldn't, the way you've been acting.

I just assumed you were gonna make it with milk, not crap!

I just don't like you. I don't like anything about you!

I just got that. A poop joke? That's real creative, Lois.

I just had the craziest dream where I bought a $100 million vase.

I just have a few questions about your return.

I just knew you'd find a wonderful man...

I just made a few creative changes to the recipe.

I just picked up a complete stranger in a hotel bar

I just think you should... Peter, stop starin' at my chest.

I just want to say that Jesus loves you.

I just wanted him to be proud of me. I even got a job.

I just wanted him to be proud of me. I even got a job.

I just wanted to say hi. So what are you d...?

I just wanted to thank you for everything you did today.

I just wanted to win so bad,

I just wanted you to have something to put on your transcript.

I just wish my opinion mattered to you.

I kept one of those Lincoln pictures and held a little auction of my own.

I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet...

I knew it! As soon as that show came on the air, I said:

I knew it! Well, I'm glad I used his shovel to clean it up.

I knew there was a catch. You have to sit through an awful time share presentation.

I knew this was the right thing to do.

I know artists have to make sacrifices, and..

I know he's an Indian, but what kind of a name is Squanto?

I know I don't,

I know I should find this ironic, but I'm just bored as hell.

I know kids, and this story's gonna put 'em to sleep.

I know my doctor was hitting on me, but you don't have to call him names.

I know plenty of people who give things away.

I know Stacey isn't your mother, but upside down face or not,

I know what you're doing in there, and it's a sin!

I know what you're thinkin'.

I know what you've been doing, and I'm very upset with you.

I know where this is going, Lois, and I'm already semi there. Oh!

I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.

I know you do, Son.

I know you're not a Virgo!

I know. Isn't it wonderful, honey? Your father is alive and well...

I know. They're like a big, gray enchanted forest

I like Hillary Clinton, I don't care what anyone says. Argh!

I like me showers colder than a well digger's kerblocken.

I liked you the way you were. You're not even real any more. You're...

I look at you and I see a series. We would like to put cameras in your house

I look like a freakin' Emmy.

I love Aunt Marguerite.

I love it! You have the faculty's full support. But how will you pull it off?

I love Mexicans. I'll do it!

I love the color of your Prada bag.

I love this job more than I love taffy.

I love you too.

I love you with all me heart.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, She Hulk.

I love you, too, Lois.

I love you, you freakin' son of mine! I got 5,000 bucks for that painting you made me!

I made a mistake? What's this?

I made you! And I can destroy you!

I mean nickels and boobs.

I mean, he's a doctor and everything, and I'm just Death!

I mean, if Meg's at risk, then so is Chris, and Stewie'll be in preschool before we know it.

I mean, look at us on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic,

I mean, what could possibly happen if you left me home by myself?

I mean, what kinda lazy, narcissistic, irresponsible moron would even consider

I mean, would you all excuse me, please?

I mean, you can't go in there, because that door leads nowhere.

I meant have a Cheez Doodle, but whatever.

I meant you should talk to your father.

I met him when I was hanging out with Andy Warhol in the '70s.

I miss her, Peter.

I missed you so much. And my babies!

I must admit there have been some moments that were, dare I say, fun.

I must do all I can to accelerate his convalescence.

I need a moment to think.

I need an adult! I need an adult!

I need an adult! I need an adult!

I need another pitcher over here.

I need hear no more. Everyone, this is your new shop foreman

I need to be cleaned!

I never knew Biscuit as a dog,

I never said the word "stole." Looks like someone has a guilty conscience.

I never should've dropped Joe Green's jersey.

I never wanted to call her Meg.

I never was any good at dealing with the authorities.

I never would've discovered I could be creative...

I offer you a recipe.

I only have to wear one goggle when I go swimming in my pool!

I only wish the show was called The King and Us...

I paid $380 for this flight.

I picked this up on Dateline from that yummy exoskeleton Maria Shriver.

I rather enjoyed that. Yes, yes. Yes, you cook very slowly.

I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know.

I read a book about this sort of thing once.

I really appreciate all the hard work you did giving birth and mothering our kids.

I remember when I learned to use a potty all by myself.

I remembered. We're here to help.

I require a hand operated buzz saw capable of cutting through a human sternum.

I roomed with Scott Hamilton at prep school.

I roomed with Scott Hamilton at prep school.

I said I could mould your son into a champion.

I saw that on a two part report on Dateline Tuesday and Dateline Gatilsday.

I saw them taking coupons out of our mailbox.

I saw you.

I say we give him a hobo pack on a stick, a can of beans and a pocketful of dreams.

I say, does anyone know how The Practice ended last night? I dozed off.

I say, hello! You there! I'm ready to get out! Somebody!

I say, here's the solution to my troubles.

I say, I say, Achmed. What is that thing you people do

I say, I say! Paco, grab a mop. Will somebody get Patches the hell out of here

I say, Iook where my hand is!

I say, Janet, do you like this couch?

I say, Jeffrey, be a sport, will you, and go get the sifter so we can build our sand village.

I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B Stiffworth,

I say, Mother, you have your work cut out for you now, don't you?

I say, Phineas, great day to be doing squat thrusts

I say, Rupert, this paste is quite delicious.

I say, someone must have said a funny, because your mother's in stitches!

I say, walk slower, dog. My Huggies are already holed up in Box Canyon.

I say, what's this? Volume. Volume!

I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.

I say! It's like the spice rack in my fantasy kitchen!

I see you!

I see. Well, I'm gonna have a little talk with that Connie.

I see. Your silence says it all.

I should have known. Her treachery knows no limits. I...

I should know this.

I should tell ya I promised my first girlfriend we'd meet up in heaven.

I should've figured you were up to something.

I shouldn't be here... with Connie.

I sold twice as many buckets today cos everybody wants to hit the fat kid.

I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself

I spent my refund on a digital TV with surround sound.

I spent my refund on a plug in playmate.

I spit water at you!

I started to think there was nothing I'd be good at.

I still can't believe you let me do that!

I still do stand up, people laugh and give me money, that's also cool.

I still don't know how every light bulb could go out at the same time.

I submitted "togetherness." A simple theme.

I suppose I could use another pair of hands on my tour.

I swear, I don't even remember doing it. I don't understand this.

I teach a workplace sensitivity training class for the Women's Action Coalition.

I tell ya, he's been workin' out all week and he hasn't lost a pound.

I tell you, Leonard, women are wicked creatures.

I tell you, Lois, high school's a lot more fun this time around.

I tell you, Peter, I wish I'd taken this up years ago.

I think I got a wave here!

I think I know how to...

I think it's a lot better now.

I think it's awful and I don't much care for it at all, my good sir.

I think it's time for me to go.

I think it's time someone sits his kerfluffin' down...

I think Lois is saying that...

I think my work will speak for itself.

I think Peter may be onto something

I think the plagues went away.

I think you're in pain.

I think your father found the perfect job.

I thought I was past this. I travelled the world, for God's sake

I thought if I held Connie's toad,

I thought we could dress her in a pair of sequined capri pants.

I told this blonde inside I got a 500SL. Can you help me out?

I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful...

I tried that once. It got me in a lot of trouble.

I turned out great, huh? Am I right?

I use to hit deadbeats with bad credit cards.

I used it to make the fort from F Troop.

I used to be the laughing stock around here until my country invaded Kuwait.

I used to fear you, but now I'm glad we met.

I wanna go. It'll get me away from the evil monkey that lives in my closet.

I wanna make you feel beautiful, Lois.

I want us to have one of those father son moments, like on TV.

I want you to help Chris.

I wanted to call her Twiki. But Lois said kids now wouldn't get the reference.

I wanted to give you a copy of my daughter's article.

I was at home nursing this throwing star wound, my wife Janey gives me a beer,

I was awake last night, Miles.

I was doing shtick, I tell you!

I was giving Stewie a bath, and...

I was going to call it "Peterland", but that gay bar by the airport took it.

I was in a therapy session, not a lunatic asylum.

I was just trying to save your lives. But now you're all gonna die.

I was lyin', but just so you know it's somethin' we might have to deal with.

I was pink as a pistol.

I was saving for the Doobie Brothers concert.

I was seeing if the, uh, driveway.

I was so proud.

I was talkin' to Big Fat Paulie the other day and one thing led to another, and...

I was trying to be sexy for ya.

I was wonderin' if I could put a little saddle on your back and ride you like a horsy.

I was wrong about you!

I was wrong all right.

I was, like, "I'll go to the mall." Then Amber wasn't gonna go.

I wasn't being cute. I really hope he's dead.

I will come to your house and I will cut you.

I will not be forgetting... those outrages.

I will not be swayed by your attempts to confuse my programming...

I will now insert this carnivorous earwig into my brain.

I will sit here and enjoy this very fine tiramisu.

I wish I was big.

I wish there was some way I could make them understand how embarrassing they are.

I wish we'd never come here in the first place.

I would bring it with me.

I would, because I'm Winston Churchill.

I would, but my doctor advised me against heavy lifting.

I would, but my doctor advised me against heavy lifting.

I, for one, am a tumbler. Here, watch my round off.

I... How... Wha...

I... I fell.

I... I find the toothpaste with a pump is a little easier to get on the brush.

I... I got... I'm s...

I... I just can't.

I... I'll give her...

I'd do anything for you.

I'd have to be really, really... No!

I'd invite my friend Rudy over and the two of us would give you a double dip.

I'd lick off all the cream and give you my special whip topping.

I'd like to announce I'm giving a gift the whole world can appreciate.

I'd like to propose a toast to our neighbors.

I'd like to start by asking the women to leave the room,

I'd like to welcome Peter Griffin, who's here to get in touch with his feminine side.

I'd rather be dead.

I'd say "Oh, yeah! That's nice. That's the spot."

I'd say Cheryl's gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbours.

I'd say it's some kind of mind control serum.

I'd sell my soul to be famous!

I'd take James Brolin's face, Mark Spitz's body,

I'd take my sweater off, but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin.

I'll be at Cleveland's house. I don't wanna be a part of this family any more.

I'll be back really, really soon.

I'll be proud you fell out of my wife

I'll be right back.

I'll do it!

I'll draw him pooping on your chest. What number is he?

I'll get him.

I'll give her a series of splinters that could, um...

I'll handle it.

I'll have the money wired to me from my Swiss bank account

I'll have your father flood the basement, so you can get more exercise.

I'll just see if I can find a salesman.

I'll leave you to grieve.

I'll never know that joy.

I'll never touch another toad. None of us will.

I'll scratch your back with a matchbook cover like you like.

I'll see you at home

I'll send for my things.

I'll show you filthy!

I'll show you inky.

I'll show you responsibility.

I'll show you, you bastard.

I'll take it.

I'll take the dying boy to block.

I'll take this belt off and put the smack down on you. Is that what you want? Huh?

I'll take this one. But I won't pay a cent over $60.

I'll take this.

I'll teach the boy. Come, my son. I'll show you the ways of the herd...

I'll tell two friends, and they'll tell two friends...

I'll tell you how it ends. Laura burns the roast...

I'll tell you how it's possible.

I'll tell you one thing. I still regret not goin' to my junior dance.

I'll tell you what's dead. Vaudeville. You know what killed it? Talkie pictures.

I'm a broom.

I'm a damn good father, and that's more than I can say about you!

I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks.

I'm a genius. You'll kill the kids from Dawson's Creek!

I'm a horse.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout

I'm a nasty, squalid little hobo!

I'm a sinner, and God's a pervert.

I'm a woman.

I'm Abe Lincoln. I just chopped some wood.

I'm absolutely coo coo for crack!

I'm afraid you only have six months to live.

I'm ashamed. Let's just go home.

I'm buying our car from a dealer and that's that.

I'm Calista Flockhart. Who the hell do you think I am? I'm Death.

I'm dying.

I'm feeling... Oh!

I'm filthy?

I'm fine? What? Are you coming on to me now?

I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous, closet case.

I'm getting word that the Quahog SchooI Board...

I'm giving these saps hope.

I'm glad I'm not takin' your stupid tour! I'm a Coors man anyway! Silver Bullet!

I'm glad you changed your mind. But the point is, I found the guy.

I'm glad you taught those kids they don't have to do drugs to be popular.

I'm glad.

I'm goin' campin' for the weekend with Johnny Cut Corners. Want to come along?

I'm goin' to the Beautiful People's Club. I can take him with me.

I'm going home. Where's Brian?

I'm going out for a while. Wait.

I'm going to crap double for you tonight!

I'm going to sex you up so crazy, yeah! Oh, you're loving this, aren't you?

I'm going to write in my journal about how I'll never grow big, full breasts like these.

I'm gonna be a virgin forever.

I'm gonna be fine. Nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna be on a cereal box.

I'm gonna get directions to the nearest park so we can give my mother a proper burial.

I'm gonna give you something to help you relax...

I'm gonna grab my girl and head to the beach

I'm gonna have to ask you to put your shirt down.

I'm gonna jump off this building.

I'm gonna make you famous

I'm gonna send you back to hell where you belong.

I'm gonna take the highroad and stick to the issues,

I'm gonna try a more natural alternative.

I'm guessing a cop had something to do with this.

I'm here to keep you from making an error. A pilot error.

I'm here to serve the fine citizens of Quahog. It'll be my pleasure to give you a permit.

I'm here with Peter Griffin, the man who claims he withstood..

I'm home!

I'm in the car.

I'm just a big fake...

I'm just a faithful Catholic man...

I'm just gonna assume that's Chinese for "I love you".

I'm just gonna stay on my diet and exercise.

I'm just here because you caught me between pregnancies.

I'm just joshing. It's all done on Xerox. What can I do you?

I'm just reading every high school newspaper in America to see if I'm mentioned.

I'm just sayin' that me and my associates will steal your car,

I'm late for my checkup.

I'm like a Green Beret, you know. I sneak inside you and I skulk around

I'm looking for something like the spread in last month's Vanity Fair.

I'm Louie Anderson.

I'm Neptune, god of the sea! I sink ships and conjure up storms!

I'm never gonna get into college.

I'm no fool

I'm not "I," I'm not anybody.

I'm not a broken down old mule! I can still work!

I'm not comin' back in a week, or ever!

I'm not doing your dirty work. There's no way I'm getting on that plane.

I'm not givin' up an inch of Petorian soil.

I'm not going to jail, Chris doesn't have to die...

I'm not good enough for you.

I'm not marrying you, you spoiled guinea... Whoops.

I'm not responding because I'm not this "Dad" person.

I'm not sure how that came up exactly, but me and Dad have never been closer.

I'm not sure you're Brown material. Don't you have any extracurricular activities?

I'm off to work.

I'm presenting "Peter Griffin presents The King and l"...

I'm Presidential Peter, interns think I'm hot

I'm ready. Well, time for dessert, isn't it? Let's see, big chocolate cake for Stewie,

I'm repugnant. I'm a radio bloody active freak.

I'm selling all my worldly goods, so you'll have some cash when I'm dead.

I'm seven years old, and if I play my cards right, I've got seven years ahead of me.

I'm sick of comin' in second to that awful Alexis Radcliffe.

I'm so worried about your father.

I'm some sort of student sent here for...

I'm sorry I tricked you into that job, honey. You deserve to have a more excitin' life.

I'm sorry I used up our favour, Lois.

I'm sorry Stewie ruined your books. Here, I brought you some of Peter's.

I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.

I'm sorry, but we open this show in three hours...

I'm sorry, Dad. I messed up the entire trip

I'm sorry, honey. I know how you must feel.

I'm sorry, is this really proper dinner conversation?

I'm sorry, okay? Now make it stop.

I'm sorry. But I've made my decision.

I'm sorry. Can I help you?

I'm sorry. I still haven't gotten over the loss of Party of Five.

I'm sorry. This has expired.

I'm sorry. Were you just whipping me? Or did I just get bit by a mosquito?

I'm sorry. What was that?

I'm stuck up here in the nosebleeds. I'm president of Petoria. I want a better seat.

I'm such a bitch.

I'm talkin' about liposuction. My brother Broderick's a cosmetic surgeon.

I'm telling you, Brian, nothing changes.

I'm telling you, Chris is dying ten times worse than those other kids.

I'm telling you. Something must've happened to him.

I'm the king of the...

I'm the new kid in town, Lando Griffin.

I'm the new kid in town, Lando Griffin.

I'm the one who knew the world was gonna end and found the Twinkee factory.

I'm the only guy on this block who actually pays for his cable.

I'm the right person for the job, Vote for me,

I'm Tiger Woods. I'm Tiger Woods. Weeee!

I'm tired of always being the bad guy. What I do has to be done.

I'm tired of being left out of all our decision making.

I'm tired of being small.

I'm two years younger than you!

I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you, you know, like a... like the wind, you know.

I'm Winston Churchill. Ooh, would you like some tea?

I'm with an intellectual

I'm working triple shifts, and I'm still not Employee of the Week.

I'm writing that one down.

I'm yanking you. You just rot in the ground.

I'm... I'm not drunk. I just have a speech impediment.

I'm... I'm not really a man.

I'm... I'm the only brain cell left!

I've been around the world, from Hartford to Bombay

I've been keeping you ripped out of your head for my own selfish needs.

I've been lookin' all over for ya. Look, I gotta call off the hit on my wife.

I've been looking everywhere for a face to launch my new line of diapers.

I've colorized the moon.

I've fixed the power line, but the town's zoning laws prohibit building a pool there.

I've found it! I've found the last scroll!

I've gone undercover to get rid of the toad problem,

I've got a better idea.

I've got diplomatic immunity, so Hammer, you can't sue

I've got the goods, but have I got the guts? Find out at 11:00.

I've had enough. You can keep this filthy mess you call a country. Come on, kids.

I've had it with you and this damn government.

I've just scheduled your first exhibit!

I've never asked the church for anything, but I don't know where else to turn.

I've never seen such productivity. How is this possible?

I've read that starlight gives you cancer. Then again, what doesn't these days?

I've seen enough.

I've seen enough. Inappropriate.

I've two more kids, and I've always wanted to see...

If Chris gets his homework done, you can watch it together next week.

If he needs to talk...

If I could build a device to harness the size of that leviathan,

If I could find it, I'd clean it up!

If I do this, do you promise to stop stealing my water?

If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so I can poke poor people with a stick!

If I had a job, I could buy the bag myself.

If I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated...

If I only had something worth that much money.

If I remember correctly, this is the physics department.

If I talked real loud like that, I could make you look like the bad guy.

If I wanted to embarrass him, I'd do somethin' like this.

If I welsh on that debt, I'm gonna prove to everyone...

If I were big, oh, just think where I would be.

If it makes her look half human, it'll take six months off my face.

If it wasn't for him, we never would have found out...

If Lois is lookin' for a thrill, I could get her a job with the airline.

If Meg doesn't get into college, who knows what future she'll have?

If men were as caring as women, we wouldn't have crime or violence.

If Montgomery Clift, who was in From Here to Eternity with Burt Lancaster,

If Mr Griffin completes my course, we'll drop the lawsuit.

If only I'd met you first... But whaddaya gonna do?

If that wasn't there, it would've opened anyway cos you're beautiful.

If that's French for "Star Wars collectors glasses," then si.

If there was a stupid and ugly contest, you'd all win!

If there's no food in Quahog, why should there be food anywhere else?

If they die, I'll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays...

If we all pitch in, we'll be done in no time.

If we can endure the pain of childbirth, imagine what else we're capable of.

If we're gonna remasculate Peter, we need to surround him with chicks.

If you can find a hole on the boy that you wanna put your lips on, be my guest.

If you care about me, you won't show your faces for the rest of the night.

If you come to work without a shirt on.

If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer,

If you ever do it again, you'll burn in Hell!

If you find a human skeleton with a Lincoln Log jammed in the temple, I didn't do it.

If you get tired of being a snob, look us up.

If you go now, you'll catch them. No way.

If you have any questions about your Iocker assignments...

If you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a bell.

If you look out the window, you'll see the San Fernando Valley...

If you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail.

If you said "mallard" and you had a cold, it would sound like "Ballard".

If you so much as glance at the right TV, I'm giving you 10,000 volts.

If you stay home, you're just proving to the other kids that you don't belong there.

If you turn the light on, they slam him into the fridge.

If you wanna become a citizen, you have to get a job.

If you want an autograph, you either gotta give me a pen or get me some snow.

If you want me to make it again... Sorry, my fault.

If you want to do a bad show, why don't we just do Rent?

If you were a woman, I'd slug you.

If you weren't so busy trolling for booty all the time...

If you're going to be in L.A. And would like tickets to Hitler...

If you're mad at Dad for wrecking your show, why'd you come to opening night?

If you're upset now, wait till ya hear the rest.

If you're waiting for Gumbel 2 Gumbel, you're out of luck.

Illustrating a point.

Imagine a world where Hitler was still alive.

Imagine seein' the inside of the Pawtucket Patriot brewery!

Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it!

In a moment. What did you just say?

In a public restroom, lad?

In a way, I am your father.

In fact, a film on employee relations

In fact, I've been helping him study every night this week.

In local news, a new drug craze may have Quahog students licked. It's called "toad".

In Miami Beach

In other news, Betsy Lebeau, SchooI Board President candidate...

In other news, chocolate may be better for you than once thought. In a recent 12 day study...

In other news, I'm not going to the play because I'm sure it'll be lousy.

In Soviet Russia, car drives you.

In tonight's episode, the part of Brian the dog will be played by Carter Banks.

Indeed.

Indeed. Would you rather play the bassoon?

Interesting.

Intimate.

Iraq, Lois! You know what? I'm gonna invite a few of these fellas over for a party.

Irrational and emotionally fragile by nature, female co workers are a peculiar animal.

Is he good?

Is he joking?

Is he the one that smells like firewood and has big gray pussywillows in his ears?

Is it OK if I smoke in here?

Is Jack in?

Is Meg Griffin here? No, she's not.

Is Mr Sanders in?

Is not, stupid head! And he keeps tryin' to take my apple juice.

Is that a real Prada bag?

Is that a real Prada bag?

Is that hair gel?

Is that turkey? Yes, Death

Is the full body English high arcing rainbow shot.

Is there a bathroom here? I don't think I can wait anymore.

Is there something missing in your life?

Is there something you need to tell me? If I'm the only one in this thing, I deserve to know.

Is this the Grant a Dream foundation?

Is this the price of my bill or my phone number?

Is to find something you want and just take it.

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

Isaac, you know that new sound you been looking for?

Isn't he brilliant?

Isn't he too young? You know what happened to the Lindbergh baby.

Isn't his absence slightly odd?

Isn't it inspiring how so many different cultures can come together?

Isn't she a bit of terrific?

Isn't she great? Now you see why I married her.

Isn't that high? It seems so high.

Isn't that silly?

Isn't this great, catching up? Anyway...

It always takes him so long to get dressed.

It better be a stretch horse with leather seats and a chauffeur.

It can enslave the human race. Come on. It's solid titanium.

It changes people. You kids have lost your values.

It could be any number of things. Gene manipulation, sterilisation...

It could even be a boat! You know how much we want one.

It could even be a boat! You know how much we want one.

It doesn't matter if your family doesn't think I'm good enough for you.

It doesn't matter if your nose is a little bulbousy,

It doesn't matter, dear. You're rich now.

It even worked for Rosie O'Donnell and his father in A League of Their Own.

It falls off

It figures. The one time I remember my value club card.

It hurts to pee

It is a grim future with lots of explosions and partial nudity.

It is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno.

It is so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news.

It is! Go, Freedom Train!

It just doesn't feel real, you know?

It just went down the drain.

It just wouldn't be Christmas without your parents.

It looked like Audrey Hepburn not only didn't have breakfast at Tiffany's,

It looks like some wires got crossed on Clover Street.

It looks like someone already tried to clean it up.

It looks like Stewie had an accident on the carpet.

It opened because you stepped on that black rubber square.

It seems he broke into the old mill after hours.

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems today that all you see

It seems with Death incapacitated, my matricidal efforts are futile.

It smells like old milk in there!

It tastes like a monkey. A monkey that's past its prime.

It was 360 years ago that Quahog founder Miles "Chatterbox" Musket set sail

It was a movie in the '70s.

It was a moving scene today at Hatch Pond...

It was difficult for Twink to play with other children.

It was land mines.

It was lunchtime and...

It was only after Han was encased in carbonite...

It was refreshing at first, but now... well, he doesn't even treat me like a woman any more.

It worked for Walter Cronkite... You know that Vietnam thing? Never happened.

It works! Look how tiny they are!

It would look smashing in Lois's crapper. I mean "crapier".

It'll be "Peter Griffin presents a Lois Griffin production."

It'll be easy for him to take your hand when God strikes your heart with leprosy.

It'll make people believe Meg's story is true!

It'll make your mama cry That's no lie

It'll mess you up

It'll take time to get over it. What were you sayin'?

It's a civil matter. Don't worry. Your father will straighten everything out.

It's a do nothing job, sweetcake.

It's a fabulous vase, Peter, darling.

It's a living, breathing creature with wants and needs...

It's a pity you couldn't find yourself a nice Irish Catholic girl, Peter.

It's a pleasure to see you again.

It's a sprained ankle.

It's a wonderful story about a loving, patient woman...

It's about bloody time! You...

It's about damn time.

It's all about you

It's all behind this door.

It's all of yours!

It's all right. Everything's going to be OK.

It's almost as if this world was created especially for me.

It's almost midnight.

It's almost worth the bowel obstruction.

It's at the Museum of Modern Art. Oh, God. I hope that's not some kind of museum.

It's bad enough to lie to your family...

It's bulletproof.

It's cold! It's cold.

It's cold. Cold!

It's cost $150,000 of the taxpayers' money

It's easy...

It's fall. The time of year when the leaves turn a pretty, purpley orange...

It's good you missed me. I'm to drive the Popemobile.

It's got headphones, so I can watch Steven Seagal movies without waking Bonnie.

It's got the power to enslave the entire human race. Do we have an opening bid?

It's great they picked your theme, but isn't it a little esoteric?

It's hard enough having Stewie all the way in Palm Springs visiting Grammy and Grandpa.

It's him! It's Peter Griffin! The miracle healer of Quahog!

It's in a very naughty pIace,

It's just a word used by Madison Avenue to sell their skin creams and two seater cars.

It's just I want her not to be alive any more.

It's just like watching Murphy Brown.

It's just my noodle caboodle.

It's just that directing this show is a big opportunity for me...

It's just that things don't always work out the way we plan.

It's just that... I...

It's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me,

It's just three letters. It's hardly a name at all.

It's like taking your bottom lip and stretching it over your head to the back of your neck.

It's lovely, Chris. Go ahead, Peter, make a wish.

It's Natick.

It's never a bad time when you're with the Q man. Come on in.

It's no good! There's too many of 'em!

It's no joke

It's not a sign of weakness to compromise.

It's not always about you, fatso.

It's not easy. See, I gotta twist on his head...

It's not even man crazy Mona. It's all of us.

It's not fair. If I don't get any airtime, how am I ever gonna get my own spin off

It's not for ever. You know, it's just... it's just... You know.

It's not mine. I was just holding it for a friend.

It's not part of Quahog.

It's not small, no no no

It's not so bad, Lois. I learned my lesson.

It's not that perfect. We'll probably have to buy a gift.

It's not the first time it brought me trouble.

It's not Tony or Angela.

It's not your fault, Chris. I failed you as a father.

It's obeying all the rules.

It's OK. It's OK to like it. It's very natural.

It's OK. It's OK to like it. It's very natural.

It's okay, Death. You just worry about feeling better.

It's on its way here.

It's on now!

It's on this afternoon. You can tape it for me. And put a nice label on it.

It's one of the Ten Commandments.

It's only a matter of time...

It's only my second glass.

It's over, Leonard. I suppose I should be grateful to that saucy harlot.

It's partly an expression of my teenage angst, but mostly it's a moo cow.

It's perfect!

It's Peter, go Peter, up Peter, yo, Peter, let's see Regis rap this way, can't touch me

It's really hard.

It's show business, baby. You gotta start somewhere.

It's simple transference.

It's so cold in here. I mean, look at my...

It's so hot.

It's still me. Brenda?

It's still pretty pricey! Peter, who cares how much it is?

It's still there. I'm parting it on the side.

It's such an honour to play the magic clam. Aren't you proud of your dad, kids?

It's supposed to be "Jesus," right?

It's the greatest feeling in the world.

It's time to call this whole thing off. Nobody's on our side.

It's time we ditched the WB and concentrate on features.

It's time you started living like a Pewterschmidt.

It's time you started living like the Piece of Schmidt you are.

It's too bad you can't have some it's practically orgasmic!

It's too late. Our stuff is packed.

It's true. He did say it. Hot, young celebrities.

It's true. Soon members of the math club will be attaching themselves to your underbelly.

It's win freakin' win, baby.

It's your fault we have so much crime in this country

It's your job to make sure we sell every seat in this house.

It's your turn, Death.

It's... you know... I don't see any reason to throw it out.

Jack and Sarah told me Santa is Indian.

James Bond.

James, your last movie killed at the box office.

Jane is sorry! I could have been killed!

Janet.

Janet's coming.

Jeez, Cleveland, that must have set you back.

Jeez, come on, everybody. I know it sucks, but they're just kids.

Jeez, everybody? Except you.

Jeez, full house.

Jeez, I gotta get gas.

Jeez, I probably should've worn mittens!

Jeez, life was a lot tougher back then.

Jeez, Lois. How long you been waiting to crack out that gem?

Jeez, Lois. Still with the piano? What's a guy gotta do to get a little attention around here?

Jeez, Mr. Fargas, what happened to you? Somebody give you a fun ectomy?

Jeez, that's a terrible thing to say. I guess I am going to Hell.

Jeffrey, take the 9pm to Hounslow out of your mouth.

Jeremy, is there anything lower than absolute zero?

Joe and Cleveland can't stall them. They're heading your way!

Joe, my feet are starting to swell.

Joe?

Join us tomorrow for more "Price is Right".

Jonathan and I just returned from sailing our yacht around the world.

Jonathan!

Ju ju ju ju just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2

Judy has an inoperable brain tumour the size of my fist,

Jump in, honey. Don't be afraid. The turtle will keep you safe.

Junior, where you been?

Just a little present your mom gave me for our anniversary.

Just beautiful homes and nothing else.

Just beautiful homes and nothing else.

Just for a minute let's all do the bump

Just give it a chance.

Just help me up.

Just leave me and my friends alone tonight.

Just like Thelma and Louise

Just like we do with the squid.

Just one! You!

Just one.

Just out of curiosity...

Just practicing for Christmas.

Just shut up and throw a chair.

Just till Friday! Please, Mom?

Just us watching another hilarious episode of Good Times.

Just watch me!

Karen Black. What an obscure reference!

Karen!

Keep it above the waist, Doc.

Keep playin'

Keep playing. I think this is as good as it gets.

Kevin asked me to Quagmire's millennium party. I am so psyched.

Kidding! It was a joke!

Kids do better when parents take an interest in their schoolwork.

Kids, if you marry for love, your life will be filled with its own riches.

Kids, keep it down.

Kids, your grandfather has never been comfortable with the fact...

Kids, your grandfather's ears are not gross.

Kimble was a hands on director who often appeared in his own shows...

King me.

Kiss it? We'll even wipe it for you.

Knock it off!

Knock, knock!

Kurt, the label's excited about your seventh album.

L am. l just came to see him twist in the wind.

L can be just as non competitive as anybody.

L can't do that. Lois is mad enough at me without....

L caught your son peeking into the girls' locker room.

L didn't enjoy humiliating Peter, but what choice did l have?

L guess Little Miss Free Spirit will think twice before roaming the halls.

L haven't witnessed pandemonium like this since Ridiculous Day down at the deli...

L know you're a feminist and l think that's adorable...

L mean, l can handle ugly. But this is like circus ugly.

L remember when l first noticed girls starting to develop.

L say, Rupert, these crumpets you've prepared look positively divine!

L was going for a new record.

L'm gonna drop off some campaign flyers in the teachers' lounge.

L'm gonna stop you the only way l can...

L'm just kidding. French toast, please.

L'm Lois.

L'm not giving that lunatic his job back and that's final.

L'm sorry! But l do have a mind of my own!

L'm sorry. l can't look at you!

L've never seen kids so enthusiastic about reading.

L've restocked our school library...

La la la la la la, la la la la

Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise for these eyesores.

Ladies and gentlemen, in his first public appearance ever,

Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of Quahog, Adam West.

Lady and gentlemen, the beer room!

Lando Griffin and Connie Demico!

Lando had forgotten who he was.

Lando's cool

Larry wants to whack someone on our honeymoon.

Last day. Capricorn 2537.

Last night I was stealing Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight.

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh and cry

Laugh, but when you die, you'll have to go to heaven.

Lazy.

Lebeau's withdrawaI Ieaves housewife, Lois Griffin, running unopposed,

Lee Majors did.

Left foot, right foot

Left foot, right foot

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.

Left...

Lemony.

Leonard, you pudgy faced apple john, I will not be made a fool of!

Let me give you a tip, pally. The shortest distance between two points

Let me grab the sheet music. Keep playing!

Let me guess. All out of Puppy Chow?

Let me see that!

Let me try again.

Let my pigeons go!

Let the tour begin.

Let's blow this sausagefest and hit the house of tail.

Let's get out of here!

Let's get the hell outta here.

Let's go get her back!

Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Let's go, Chris. Your dinner won't catch itself.

Let's go! We can do it!

Let's go! We're crossin' the border! Goodbye, President Griffin.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's hope so. I love being a good father.

Let's just be grateful we survived the apocalypse healthy and mutation free.

Let's just let him rest.

Let's just pick up our plates and go eat in the hollow castle.

Let's just say the car was a steal.

Let's just say, when I was younger...

Let's just wait for the test results.

Let's not do this. I caught Flo Jo. You don't think I can catch you?

Let's see. "A something by any other name..."

Let's see. Stanley, Starkweather, Stevens!

Let's start with the scene where Lady Thiang begs Anna to comfort the king.

Lf that vile woman were here, she'd prove a worthy adversary.

Lf there's one thing l can do, it's play to a crowd.

Lf you blow this chance to do something good for our kids...

Life isn't fair, it's sad but it's true

Light a fire and pee it out

Light a fire and pee it out

Lighten up, toots. It's a party.

Like a masochist in Newport, we're Rhode Island bound

Like a very special friendship, let's say like the one you and I share,

Like buy that time share, or not realise I taped over our wedding video with soft core porn.

Like diamonds.

Like it's Vietnam or somethin', and I'm sneakin' through the bush, you know.

Like most other people, I used to think therapy was only for crazies and nut jobs.

Like no neckin'.

Like renegade Pilgrims thrown out of Plymouth Colony.

Like saltwater taffy or a Chunky.

Like that glue. You stick to things.

Like that one we put on Hollywood Squares.

Like that princess who died

Like the time my buddy's sister's boss was drinking with a hooker in a Vegas bar.

Like the time my buddy's sister's boss was drinking with a hooker in a Vegas bar.

Like the whole Irish nation

Like this one guy, didn't know he was actually two midgets.

Like this?

Like two college freshmen who were rejected by Harvard and forced to go to Brown.

Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shots...

Like when you were three, and you ate those adult brownies

Like you felt after you had Chris.

Like your great great great uncle Jabba the Griffin.

Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours.

Listen to me. My entire future is in your hands.

Listen up, everybody. Your Grandpa Griffin is finally retiring.

Listen up. It's time for spring cleaning.

Listen, Brian, I'd take a bullet for Meg so I'm sure I can take a... Here he is.

Listen, Christobel. I've sunk $5,000 turning you into a New York bohemian.

Listen, for today, can you switch and call me Mr Papadapolis?

Listen, I gotta get going.

Listen, I was wondering if you might have a job for my dad.

Listen, I've had a good life.

Listen, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's not easy for me to say.

Listen, uh, mister, we don't want any trouble here

Listen, you, I'll use these facilities when I'm damn well ready.

Listen, Your Don ness. I got a little favour to ask.

Listen, your son is the best ball shagger we ever had.

Live at the site of the US blockade. Tom?

Live at the site of the US blockade. Tom?

Lizzy, I know you feel alone and unattractive since your husband left you.

Locked in a basement with imbeciles, dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong.

Locker assignments wiII be handed out in the Iibrary after Iunch period,

Lois Griffin is a sIut, What?

Lois Griffin, daughter of shipping industriaIist, Carter Pewterschmidt...

Lois has had the car all week and it's just been hell gettin' around.

Lois, 10 minutes ago, I was staring Death in the face.

Lois, can you go down to the basement and do somethin' really loud and complicated

Lois, congratulations.

Lois, everyone knows there are only two things that can survive a nukular holocaust:

Lois, have you seen my fake beard?

Lois, I can't say any more. I'm probably already in trouble for mentioning it to a, uh...

Lois, I challenge you to a race around the world.

Lois, I onIy hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,

Lois, I think you made a mistake. I'm not "The King."

Lois, if this is your idea of a joke, you must write for Leno.

Lois, if we don't make it outta here alive,

Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip the tape over to side B.

Lois, if you're scared, I'll hold you until the lights are on again.

Lois, it looks as if Puddles has done it again!

Lois, it'll just be another mouth to feed. I'll take care of Woody, son.

Lois, l can't let you deprive our children of a fine teacher like Mr. Fargas.

Lois, l could lose my presidency!

Lois, l got a joke for you. How many losers does it take to make me breakfast?

Lois, l need your help. You gotta come to my press conference this afternoon.

Lois, lunch is a sin. Taking a break is a sin.

Lois, Mr. Fargas is getting a bum rap...

Lois, my penis belongs on stage.

Lois, our problems are over!

Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes.

Lois, our son has been blessed with a great gift,

Lois, please. I'm just a dog. A stupid dog.

Lois, put the coffee on.

Lois, sometimes it's appropriate to swear.

Lois, that's ridiculous. There's nobody out there.

Lois, this is crazy.

Lois, this pasta better than Italy.

Lois, uh, I'm gonna go to the store now, OK?

Lois, uh... I was thinking. Why don't I fly out to Palm Springs and pick up Stewie?

Lois, we could use your help in coach.

Lois, we got him. It's all over.

Lois, we gotta go.

Lois, we're outta here.

Lois, what's with the sign?

Lois, what's with the sign?

Lois, when have we ever had trouble communicating?

Lois, where are your parents? Don't tell me they're still on safari

Lois, you don't get it. The lesson here is that abusing alcohol

Lois, you invited everyone!

Lois, you seen my pants?

Lois, you were always my favorite niece.

Lois!

Lois!

Lois!

Lois!

Lois!

Lois! Ah, this is not what it looks like. She means nothing to me.

Lois? Damn.

Lois? Damn.

Lois.

Lois..

Lois' friend "yacht boy" and his lovely wife "Caca" invited us to some...

Look at all of Lois' signs!

Look at all this sand! Do you know there are beaches with black sand?

Look at her, Leonard, sitting there with her curly ebony locks

Look at Jesus standing over there all by himself.

Look at me with my big ideas and my pointy nose,

Look at me. l'm writing profanity on the wall!

Look at me. Look at me!

Look at Mr. Suave.

Look at that.

Look at that. I beat my loogie.

Look at the nose. It's all...

Look at the size of this file.

Look at this, Lois. See, right here. I was voted Most Likely to Succeed.

Look at what we're reduced to. Our own baby has to use newspapers for diapers.

Look deep in your heart, my son.

Look here, you gourd bellied codpiece. Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand

Look inside yourself.

Look over there! What?

Look what I did with Chris. I'm better than that dad on Lost in Space.

Look what I found, Stewie. An appointment card. You've got a checkup.

Look who came crawling back.

Look who I found at the train station!

Look, Chris' school is on TV.

Look, everybody. I got us another dog.

Look, forget how it happened. Can you just get us outta this?

Look, here's your first week's pay.

Look, I don't care how many letters we gotta write. The View should be on for three hours.

Look, I don't care if you guys embarrass me. I wanna come home.

Look, I have to go.

Look, I love Lois, but I'm not in love with her.

Look, I love my wife more than anything in the world.

Look, I mean it. All of you. Oh, God, where's Stewie?

Look, I... I really don't even know why I'm here. The urologist said I was fine.

Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll get you Davy Jones for your school dance.

Look, I'm all for equality, but if you ask me feminism is about choice.

Look, I've been thinking a lot about my mother lately, and...

Look, if this is about the whole me killing you thing, it was a bit!

Look, Lois, we had a broken car, I did "something", and now we have a new car.

Look, Neil, I don't... Oh, my God!

Look, Neil, I need an activity to get into Brown. The paper is my last hope.

Look, pal, I don't take coupons from giant chickens. Not after last time.

Look, pal, some two bit community theater production isn't news.

Look, Peter, people.

Look, sometimes it's better to tell a little fib than to hurt someone's feelings.

Look, Stewie. Look at the dancin' kitty.

Look, the bottom line is you folks are still under contract, OK?

Look, the fact is the man is out there every bloody night with fresh material...

Look, the old Farg made learning fun. He's what these kids need.

Look, the only reason I got myself arrested was to find out what happened to my sister.

Look, this is where the Pilgrims landed at Fraggle Rock!

Look, what's the big deal? I mean, we're just a regular American family.

Look. Here they are. My family.

Look. It says "Happy birthday, Daddy. Love, Stewie."

Lookin' for that scroll, huh? Wouldn't mind findin' that thing myself.

Looking good, fellas.

Looks like little Johnny should've wished for some blocking.

Looks like that's the one that got away.

Lord Griffin is dead. It's just me, Peter the towel boy.

Lord Peter Lowenbrau Griffin the First

Lord, it's great to see you kids.

Loretta likes to personify her menses in humorous ways.

Loretta.

Loretta's a nobody. Diane Simmons is a star.

Ls that so?

Ls that the way Mommy reads it? l do not miss that ogress.

Lt's just something l have to do.

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a family guy

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us

Luke Perry. That's it! Brian, I got my story.

Lynne, cancel my meetings. I gotta hit more balls at this fat kid.

M&M's. I ran out of paprika.

Madam Pewterschmidt's passing has saddened us all.

Make him work for it. And shame on you, Peter.

Make it quick.

Make sure your wife is out of the room.

Make them stop worshipping you before it starts hailing in my house!

Make your every joke a jewel

Make your trills clean and watch the legato in the fourth measure. Go!

Make yourself at home, Death.

Making victory all but a certainty.

Mama's skin's so soft.

Man, didn't see that coming.

Man, the second Dad found out, he started in with the whole:

Man, this is a great show. They drag these idiots up on stage and then blindside 'em.

Man, this sucks. Hey, Podium Guy! Hey, I got a problem here.

Man, what a night. I got to see my ideas come to life.

Man! Chorus! Shoot, what a gyp!

Man! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?

Manuel, do you want... Can you ask him if he wants cheese?

Marguerite is a shining example of how people with a lot of money...

Mark my words, lad.

Marty, I want to be your fine, sweet ass bitch.

Marvellous. A quick weigh in, stick out your tongue, and a nice lollipop to cap it all off.

Mary says yes.

Mary, you recently spent some time with Julia Roberts, didn't you?

Mary, you're doing great with your Braille.

Master Brian, do you really believe you can pass him off as a gentleman at the auction?

Matter of fact, l'm the most non competitive. So l win.

Maxine is the lady who's feeling all right...

Maybe a part time job would liven up your days.

Maybe a pool is another one of those things a family doesn't really need.

Maybe for a beer.

Maybe he's already here.

Maybe he's fitting in so well, we can't tell him from the other bluebloods.

Maybe he's forgotten you

Maybe I wanted to talk.

Maybe I will. Then I'll put it on my feet

Maybe it's time for Stewie to start potty training

Maybe something about education?

Maybe this is a sign that we need to stop this.

Maybe we should go now.

Maybe we shoulda jumped on that truck.

Maybe we shoulda just let him be a doctor.

Maybe you don't have to pee. I oughta just give you some beer. Goes right through you.

Maybe you should go over to Joe's and return his pool, huh?

Maybe you shouldn't do this. You've never had a lot of luck telling jokes.

Maybe you shouldn't do this. You've never had a lot of luck telling jokes.

Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.

Maybe. I've been workin' out.

Mayor West, you've been talking for an hour and I don't have anything I can use.

Mayor West?

Me and Lois? That's sick.

Me first! Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea...

Me too, buddy. That's why I was holdin' this in, but, if we're gonna die anyway...

Me too. She's like that dorky Baldwin brother who isn't as good Iooking or successful

Me, direct?

Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher...

Meat loaf for us, and a very special, very delicious steamed vegetable dish for Chris.

Meg Griffin

Meg Griffin

Meg Griffin, you are so sued.

Meg Griffin! She's right over there in the back.

Meg Griffin.

Meg needs something that'll pull those kids away from their Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robots

Meg, haven't we taught you better than that?

Meg, honey, it's very cold in here. Maybe you'd be more comfortable with your bib on.

Meg, it's not a sin for a girl your age to like boys.

Meg, keep your door open.

Meg, let me tell you about popularity.

Meg, order up!

Meg, that's a terrible thing to say.

Meg, that's a terrible thing to say.

Meg, what's wrong?

Meg, will you relax? None of us are gonna do anything to embarrass you.

Meg, you got a date?! Oh, wait till I tell your mother!

Meg, you have a wart!

Meg, you have two parents who love you and...

Meg, you know your father loves you very much.

Meg, you're free. Try the clarinet.

Meg, you're gonna love Newport High. It has a beautiful campus.

Meg, you're not gettin' plastic surgery.

Meg, you're the one that got us on TV in the first place.

Meg! Eat your salad.

Meg? Meg Griffin?

Meg? Meg, listen to me. Don't you dare get on that plane.

Megan!

Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow!

Meow!

Meow!

Meow!

Michelangelo worked in a marble quarry.

Miguel over there has had his eye on you, and his wife Rosa is very open.

Miles never spoke again. But every year until his death

Mind control? But I feel so lucid.

Mind? Of course not. It would be an honor.

Mine is "loismustdie," all one word, "@yahoo.com."

Miss Ironbox, I assure you this company in no way condones Peter's conduct.

Mission accomplished, Peter.

Mm hm. Just as I thought. Oatmeal.

Mm hm. Who are you trying to convince, Brian, me or you?

Mm, baby! I'm gonna sex you up, baby.

Mm! Oh!

Mm! This meat loaf is a symphony of flavour.

Mm.

Mm. Oh, oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mom, are we on TV right now?

Mom, can we go see a Broadway play tonight?

Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast, and he turned out okay.

Mom, I can't clean. I got stuff to do.

Mom, I can't eat. I'm too grossed out by Grandpa's ears.

Mom, if you get elected can you fix it so l win Homecoming Queen?

Mom, there is no way I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend!

Mom, there's fleas all over the house!

Mom, what are you doing here? l thought you were mad at Dad.

Mom, you can't get a job. The last time you left Dad home alone,

Mom, you have to do something!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! Do something. Mom! Help!

Mom? Dad?

Momma, doggy's scary.

Mommy wants to rest for a few more minutes, honey.

Money doesn't buy happiness.

Money. I'll be upstairs.

Monkey in the closet!

More coffee, madam?

More like $1,100.

More special like... like Special K, the cereal.

More tea, Mr. Bike?

More?!

Morning, subjects. What's for breakfast?

Morning, theater fans!

Morning.

Morning.

Mother teaches piano. I suppose I could as well.

Mother, as first lady of the American stage, Helen Hayes, once said:

Mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding,

Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute...

Mother! Where are your manners? Don't argue with our guest!

Mr and Mrs... Griffin. If you sign this contract without reading it, I'll take your blank cheque,

Mr Griffin, he's going to be a great artist. He now belongs to the public.

Mr Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co workers, Sarah Bennett.

Mr Griffin, that isn't a growth. That's your penis.

Mr Hanson, you play the boss and we'll see what you've learned tonight.

Mr Monatti, I don't feel like painting. I wanna see my dad.

Mr Monatti, shouldn't I be painting now?

Mr Quagmire, can I use your toothpaste?

Mr Quagmire, what does "hic a doo La" mean?

Mr T by Mr T.

Mr Toad, how many licks of you does it take

Mr, Griffin, your opening statement, pIease,

Mr, Griffin, your response?

Mr. Griffin, everyone thinks their dying child is special.

Mr. Griffin, I'd say you have about a month to live.

Mr. Griffin, I'm saying you're fine.

Mr. Griffin, l'm afraid l have bad news.

Mr. Griffin, the foundation held up its end of the bargain...

Mr. Griffin, this is impressive.

Mr. Griffin, you're the most generous man since Ted Turner.

Mr. McCloud, I didn't study for the test, but I got a good reason.

Mr. President, you've accomplished so much in just a few short weeks.

Mr. Weed, distinguished members of the board...

Mrs Griffin, I practised just like you said.

Mrs. Canner? Are you coming? Bye!

Mrs. Daniels?

Mrs. Lipstein, I have bad news. The tumor is malignant.

Mulligan.

Mulligan.

Murphy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Tipper Gore.

Must be the beer. Hey! Hey, check this out.

Must we make small talk every time we pass?

My ankle!

My ankle's starting to feel better. I should probably get out of your hair

My ass feels like a pincushion. I'm thinkin' of quittin'.

My ass.

My aunt Fanny! You said it yourself! I'm the boss!

My baby!

My baby! Mommy missed you so much.

My brothers, we need to stand together...

My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth!

My dad always says, "Measure twice, cut once."

My dad worked at that mill for 60 years. That's almost 80 years.

My daddy always said, "Cleveland Jr., quit jumping on the bed!"

My daughter, what is the problem on this, the day of my daughter's wedding?

My days in college were so exciting.

My feet are killing me, I've got vomit in my pocket

My God, I haven't seen everyone this miserable since that time we were tortured.

My God, it's finally happened.

My God! It's... good. Really good.

My God! Tumor syphilis itis osis! And he still comes into school!

My God. They're everywhere.

My goodness, you're affectionate tonight!

My goodness! l win by default!

My grammar sucks, but more importantly, we're about to commence

My great great great uncle Angus Griffin invented the game.

My heavens, son! Are you okay?

My jaw. Ha ha ha ha.

My last helping of white meat was drier than Oscar Wilde.

My last male bonding was when me and Cleveland went to Chinatown.

My lawyer's advised me to keep some of my assets a secret...

My name is Florida!

My name is Peter. I'll be your nipples... Towel boy!

My nephew drew my portrait. It doesn't look a thing like me.

My purse!

My sister in law.

My son Chris is in charge of our space programme.

My son happens to be very sensitive about his extra nipples.

My son's gonna be the best thing to happen to New York

My sweetie is okay.

My theme, my trophy!

My turn, my turn.

My wife is a stewardess, so I can fly anywhere and I don't pay jack!

My, my. What a thumping good read!

Name something you'd take on a picnic.

Nature's Rubik's Cube."

NBC invented a new day so they could add another Dateline.

Negative B plus or minus radical B squared minus 4AC over 2A.

Negotiate? Peter Griffin doesn't know the meaning of the word "negotiate".

Neil, I'm a little out of your league. Besides, I'm going with Lando.

Neither of us is drunk.

Never fear, Daddy's here

Never ye fear. I've been doin' this all me life.

New York has some of the best restaurants in the world. They even have Indian food here.

Newport, Rhode Island...

Next time you're shopping, why not splurge on a tin of solid white albacore?

Next up is Meg Griffin, sporting her stylishly cool, brand new...

Next up, stay tuned for our special investigative report...

Next!

Ngh! Nngh!

Ni hao, Stewie.

Nice goin'.

Nice going, fat...

Nice moves, Lando

Nice plant.

Nice to meet you. I love artists.

Nice try, but I built up an immunity

Nice work. Very festive.

Nice, nice. Except that was James Spader in White Palace.

Nice. Just because they're black, we can't learn anything from them?

Nipples shouldn't just come off like that.

Nipples! Nipples!

No calls.

No cameras. The TV executives don't want viewers to be confused and think you're Meg.

No city noise, no flesh eating ogres, no pollution.

No experience? No, thanks.

No flash photography, or you'll go straight to Hell! You!

No more excuses. I'm putting my foot down.

No more treats. You're gonna spoil your dinner.

No more TV until your grades improve.

No one's been able to stand Big Fat Paulie's company for more than a minute.

No problem, Meg. You probably bought me another three minutes. Giggedy giggedy!

No relation. So, tell me, homeboy, how 'bout the baggy clothes we kids are wearin'?

No way, it's too dangerous. I got you into this and I'll get you out of it.

No way!

No way!

No way!

No way. He's a nut job.

No wonder this clown died. His lungs are filled with candy!

No wonder your husband didn't respect women.

No, because your ancestors were nothing but a bunch of pimps and whores.

No, Brian, it's a foreign car. The "T" is silent.

No, but just in case... Look at this, you freakin' aliens!

No, Cheeto.

No, I don't. I quit.

No, I just got a big tax refund.

No, I just got a big tax refund.

No, I'm Peter Griffin. Oh, you're here about your pool.

No, I'm serious. You could... you could be in magazines. You could!

No, it would be a privilege. Oh, dear. Listen to me prattling on like a schoolgirl.

No, it's Luke Perry's fault. If he were gay Meg would be all set.

No, it's not.

No, it's Stewie. He peed on the carpet.

No, Lois isn't dead yet

No, Lois, kitchen.

No, Lois.

No, Lois. The janitor'll do that.

No, no, actually, it's Stewie, but, well, you can call me Cookie if you like.

No, no, Lois, we can't stop now after all we've put into this.

No, no, no, wait. I know this guy. We went to high school together.

No, no, no. Go. Go. It'll be funny.

No, no, no. I mean that painting. I must have it for my gallery in SoHo.

No, no, no. Play it like you did last night.

No, no, no. Shower first, snack second.

No, no! No, they won't be forgotten.

No, no. Dylan Thomas.

No, no. I mean, am I George Carlin funny,

No, no. No, no, this is fine.

No, no. There's no need to come up. We'II...

No, no. We're not part of this city. We're not even part of this country.

No, of course not. You're living the clean life now. It's that pathetic little insect in daycare.

No, one machine

No, Peter, when we got married we agreed to share our lives.

No, thank you.

No, that did it.

No, that was for my refund. What the hell's Party of Five?

No, that's what they'll be expecting.

No, they gave me these by order of the School Board.

No, wait! Soup! Soup!

No, wait. I'm not finished holding my sides.

No, wait. That's not it. Damn you, Tommy Two Tone.

No, we'll build a better one. I hereby proclaim this city New Quahog.

No, we'll think of a way to fix it.

No, we're not! You keep changing everything!

No, you can't go with him!

No, you can't swim with your shirt on. Wait a second. What are you hidin'?

No, you didn't

No, you pretty much can't do a thing

No, you shut up. You're the one talking.

No, you're not. I am. And you know nothing of my work.

No, you're not. You're Tom Arnold.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant!

No! I shall put you down for a nap, Mother!

No! It's not all right!

No! No, I won't!

No! No, that... that's not fair.

No! No.

No! Run away from the light!

No! The water, it turned all red and goopy, like blood!

No! You're doing it wrong!

No? Then whose fault is it?

No? Well, how about those car commercials when I played Joe Isuzu?

No.

No.

No.

No. Everything's fine. Thanks for checking. Bye bye.

No. He needs to learn how to respect his fellow man.

No. I'm not gonna see a doctor, Lois.

No. I'm not. You know what? I'm a damn good father.

No. l've lost my respect for you.

No. Mommy's made peace with that.

No. No, no, it's me, Meg Griffin.

No. No. You've had yours.

No. The light bulbs last night, my fleas, Chris' pimples.

No. These are the rules of New Quahog.

No. Wait a minute, this is crazy.

No. We're a real country. We deserve all the rights and privileges everyone else gets.

No. We're gonna have to do something drastic.

No. Yes.

Nobody better come in here. I'm the Griffins' house.

Nobody sees the dean. Not nobody, not nohow.

Nonsense, dear. You're a Pewterschmidt. Towel boy!

Nonsense! Force is the only thing a despot like Peter Griffin understands.

Noooo!

Nope.

Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.

Not a good jail, like on Cinemax. The man jail.

Not about kickin' your fat ass.

Not any more. Christobel will look better in Interview magazine.

Not bad, though.

Not exactly.

Not here either.

Not me, Lois. Shoot him. I'm the real Peter.

Not me, Peter. God. The real God.

Not much you can do

Not my bit, but still funny. System off.

Not my rainbow socks with the individual toes?

Not now, Peter. Meg and I are havin' a little girl time,

Not only am l gonna win this election...

Not so mighty now, are you, Catwoman?

Not tellin' our kids a person's not as good as someone else because of the way they look.

Not the "ub ub" kind, the "mm mm" kind.

Not this baby!

Not this end.

Not yet, but I'm thinking about joining I Phelta Thi.

Not yet. I don't wanna ruin my birthday surprise.

Not... not mobbed as in... you guys.

Note to self, do not go to the bathroom.

Nothing says "Obey me" like a bloody head on a fence post.

Nothing says, "Please talk to me, Daddy," like a Fenway frank.

Nothing, nothing. See you next week.

Nothing, you idiot. We don't have any food.

Nothing.

Notice I'm making physical contact with her in order to establish a connection.

Now boarding the heIicopter,

Now bring me another one the movie's startin'.

Now come on. Help me get the house ready for my mother.

Now come on. Help me get the house ready for my mother.

Now dance.

Now do it again, and this time leave it a little longer.

Now get back in that classroom and teach your "Fargin"' ass off.

Now get upstairs and study.

Now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich.

Now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich.

Now give me the other half of the amulet. I don't think you'll be making it to Marrakech.

Now help me drink these beers.

Now hold on a second. You can talk to my daughter that way, but not my son.

Now I ask you, why should I kill this... Count Chocula?

Now I do.

Now I feel bad for doing that thing with her toothbrush.

Now I have a seat in the third row.

Now I know how Barbra Streisand felt the day she married James Brolin.

Now I know that some things are more important than winning,

Now I remember why I left Newport!

Now I'm freezing!

Now I'm Pat Boone. Gonna have a Christmas special with Andy Williams.

Now look at me. Middle aged, alone and peeing in supermarkets.

Now look here, you loathsome cur!

Now put on this dress.

Now see, Peter, what you gotta do is you gotta declare war! War!

Now shoot!

Now that he's retiring, we can finally spend some time together.

Now that I've been given another chance...

Now that you mention it, the Y is a bit misshapen. Still, it's pretty amazing.

Now that you're retired, you're coming to stay with us.

Now that you've felt a woman's pain, the learning can begin.

Now the left TV is tuned to Frasier. The right TV has Ricki Lake.

Now the whole world does. I guess so

Now try it with me. Huh? OK? OK?

Now wait a minute. I may not be perfect.

Now we can get married and everything you promised.

Now we gotta think of some funny stuff for him to say.

Now you can look at naked girls all you want and it's perfectly legal!

Now you try

Now you.

Now your turn.

Now, are you gonna watch it with me or not?

Now, Brian, we know you're not doing this on purpose,

Now, Chris, we told you that was just a very bad dream.

Now, Chris, you know there's no such thing.

Now, Meg, you know my feelings on tattoos.

Now, Mr Griffin, would you like to begin?

Now, pick a job out of the hat.

Now, son, as men, it's only natural for us to look at naked girls.

Now, Stewie, why don't you go play with the others?

Now, that's not true. Libel's not a felony.

Now, they tell me in your next movie, we get to see your butt.

Now, to get this story on the school editor's desk is gonna take a portion of my cunning.

Now, wait just a minute, young lady. Don't you walk away from me.

Now, would that be cash or check?

Now!

Obsession. Calvin Klein.

Obviously normal sensitivity training isn't enough for you.

Of course a man made it. It's a commercial, Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

Of course I do, Lois.

Of course I do, my dear.

Of course I do, silly. I'm your sister, Meg.

Of course it does. It means everything to me.

Of course not. It'll be fun.

Of course that's why you're here.

Of course, you realize this means war.

Of course!

Of course! We wouldn't miss your big day.

Of course.

Of the Geneva Convention, "the".

Of your bladder

Oh God! It's eating out the back of my eyes! Aah!

Oh, actually, I'm just stopping off at Quagmire's.

Oh, and again in 1981 for half a Mallomar.

Oh, and feel free to use my fork, I shan't be needing it. Watch me.

Oh, and I want these and these and these.

Oh, and people don't stare. You make me puke. Bitch.

Oh, and you brought a little friend!

Oh, and your little bronzed hat. And your tail.

Oh, and, uh "I got ya, diagonally".

Oh, and, um, don't say anything bad about her, cos she might be here right now.

Oh, aren't you adorable? Are you in a fraternity, little boy?

Oh, at last!

Oh, baby! Look at that!

Oh, beans! I can't get this spit curl to...

Oh, blast!

Oh, blast! What the devil do they study? Uh... Latin class.

Oh, bloody hell. Is this thing still on?

Oh, Bobby Williams, I'd love to go out with you.

Oh, Bobby, I just had the weirdest dream.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Brian, Brian. What a mess.

Oh, but you meet such colourful characters in taxis, like Alex Rieger and Tony.

Oh, Chris!

Oh, come on, Lois. This is gonna be worse

Oh, come on, now. I barely touched you.

Oh, come on, you. Get up. Come on! Go for a ride in the car.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on! Those were really popular. They ran all the time.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. He'll call back.

Oh, crap! I'm stuck in the stairs.

Oh, crap.

Oh, crap. We gotta disappear, and quick.

Oh, crap. Well, one of us is gonna have to change.

Oh, Cupid, hast thou pierced me with thine sweet, searing arrow?

Oh, damn my small stature.

Oh, dang. Now I hate windmills even more.

Oh, dear me. Yes, yes, this is how I wanted to enter the new millennium.

Oh, dear. It seems you're still it.

Oh, don't even get me started. I... I... I... I mean, really!

Oh, excuse me

Oh, fight it, Stewie! "Do not go gentle into that good night."

Oh, for God's sake! I'm to entrust my life to a turtle, nature's D student? Agh!

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, for someone with no breasts, you've done very well for yourself. Good for you!

Oh, forget him, James.

Oh, fudge! I broke a nail. Excuse me.

Oh, God knows how many of his brain cells I killed,

Oh, God, I'm s... That was rude. I apologise.

Oh, God, kill me now.

Oh, God, Lois. I need help.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! I'm sorry. You know what's good for getting wine out?

Oh, God! It smells gross!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Not again, Brian. Why can't you stop peeing on the carpet?

Oh, God. Oh, jeez!

Oh, God. You're not coming out of the closet, are you?

Oh, good boy, Stewie. Clean plate. Although I think you got...

Oh, great! Mirabella.

Oh, ha de ha ha!

Oh, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, he's fine. You know, I was quite a troublemaker myself when I was a kid.

Oh, he's out on a goodwill mission to America.

Oh, hello, Janet. Yes. Yes, you know Melinda.

Oh, hey, Lois. I'm starving. How about a sandwich?

Oh, hey! Hey, look! Hey, Dad!

Oh, hold on. Honey, let's get all the kids in this.

Oh, honey, it's fine. It makes you look distinguished.

Oh, honey. Maybe.

Oh, how did you get so sweet?

Oh, I am so sorry.

Oh, I can't help it! I know, I know, he's become a superficial, egomaniacal jerk.

Oh, I hate vegetables!

Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years.

Oh, I see. Cash only, huh? No paper trail. What are you sellin'? Reefer? Crack?

Oh, I won't even begin to... to... to...

Oh, I'm using my special cat power to get Batman all wet.

Oh, is she the one we video taped taking a dump?

Oh, is that what it is? Really? I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.

Oh, it's excitement you want, huh? Well, how'd you like to join the Mile High Club?

Oh, it's probably Connie calling for me.

Oh, it's ridiculous, clearly. He's a factory worker, not a despot.

Oh, Janet, you've made me the happiest man in the whole world.

Oh, jeez, if she says "Mrs Dash", I'm gonna lose it.

Oh, jeez, this hangover's killin' me. I haven't felt this crappy since I went to that museum.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez. Kate, what should I do?

Oh, jeez. This isn't another one of those interventions, is it?

Oh, just a housewife?

Oh, just die already.

Oh, kids, look at that man over there, grabbin' his own crotch. Oh! So alive, this city!

Oh, let's see, now. Duck. Duck.

Oh, Lois, thank God it's you. The last three houses I went to were very rude.

Oh, Lois. Again?

Oh, look at that. Our little boys are becomin' fast friends.

Oh, look, Meg. It's your little baby booties.

Oh, look. Oh, aren't you beautiful?

Oh, Lord!

Oh, Madame, you're a lusty old girl, aren't you?

Oh, man, did you guys hear that?

Oh, man, this is the happiest day of my life.

Oh, man. Even Della Reese is getting a boat.

Oh, man. Even Della Reese is getting a boat.

Oh, man. I hope I don't get pulled over.

Oh, man. So after all this I end up with nothin'?

Oh, man. This really is my night. I get to live, and I'm on TV.

Oh, Mary, Mary. You're in the kitchen. You're all disoriented. Let me help you.

Oh, Meg, honey, our home is your home for as long as you like.

Oh, Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint.

Oh, my God, it is them! I can't believe the Griffins eat here like everyday people.

Oh, my God, it is them! I can't believe the Griffins eat here like everyday people.

Oh, my God, Peter. I sent a copy of that tape to my great aunt Lil.

Oh, my God, they've opened fire. It looks like things are getting very heated here.

Oh, my God, they've opened fire. It looks like things are getting very heated here.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! All right, let's not dilly dally.

Oh, my God! Are you Kate Moss?

Oh, my God! Dad's a chick!

Oh, my God! Excuse me.

Oh, my God! I can't believe he did that!

Oh, my God! I found a lump! A breast lump!

Oh, my God! I thought the safety was on. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God! It's better than I thought.

Oh, my God! lt's Mr. Fargas!

Oh, my God! Luke Perry!

Oh, my God! My fish is gone!

Oh, my God! Oh, no, my Go...

Oh, my God! Please tell me we didn't do it.

Oh, my God! She's dead!

Oh, my God! Stewie, you've got bugs on your jammies! Peter, wake up.

Oh, my God! The actress who was the girl in Escape from Witch Mountain!

Oh, my God! The government is here. Run, ET, run!

Oh, my God! They liked it?

Oh, my God! We were robbed!

Oh, my God! When?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. "Corruption in City Hall." This is amazing.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Oh, my God. He's gonna wipe that species off the face of the earth!

Oh, my God. High five! Anyone?

Oh, my God. I think he's right.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Oh, my God. Look!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! I'm late.

Oh, my God. She's dead.

Oh, my God. They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa.

Oh, my God. You can only play the piano when you're drunk!

Oh, my God. You're a horse?

Oh, my God. You're a woman?

Oh, my goodness! Oh!

Oh, my goodness. It's a...

Oh, my head. Oh, God. What are we doing here?

Oh, my muscles are all... Look, they're all shiny with oil.

Oh, my sentiments exactly.

Oh, my! I...

Oh, my! That's delightful, isn't it? What's your name?

Oh, my! Tomatoes are 3.99 a pound. That's so high!

Oh, my. Getting dizzy.

Oh, my. Look where my hand is.

Oh, my. What a lovely room. Oh, and it's so clean.

Oh, my. What was that?

Oh, my...

Oh, no, Dad, they bring them to you.

Oh, no, it was a normal day.

Oh, no, Lois. A guy at work bought a car outta the paper. Ten years later, bam! Herpes.

Oh, no, no, Lois. He didn't mean you're crazy like Elizabeth Taylor.

Oh, no, no. I wasn't calling you.

Oh, no! I'll not be taken in by one of your...

Oh, no! If there's four tickets and one of 'em's gone, that... that leaves...

Oh, no. Brian!

Oh, no. Life outside my kitchen is so bright and scary.

Oh, no. No, it's not all right. I'm outta cash. You take bank cards?

Oh, now you're just bein' crazy.

Oh, now, don't you try to palm this off on your sister. She's a good girl.

Oh, now, sweetie, your father is just a free spirit.

Oh, nuts. Young lady.

Oh, of course. How could we not have recognised the great nation of Petoria?

Oh, oh, and how embarrassed was I when the word "crate" came up!

Oh, oh, oh! He's only the biggest art dealer in New York!

Oh, oh, oh! This is... this is...

Oh, oh, this is funny to you? Yeah?

Oh, oh, you don't believe me? Here! Look it up!

Oh, OK. No, I understand. It's too much. It's OK.

Oh, pee jokes.

Oh, Peter, bein' married to you gives me all the excitement I can handle.

Oh, Peter, hearing you say that almost makes it worth havin' the world blown up.

Oh, Peter, I can't make Cleveland Junior sit still for anything.

Oh, Peter, stop. Try to stay focused.

Oh, Peter, we're not goin' to a high school party.

Oh, Peter, you are the height of just too muchery.

Oh, Peter, you look like you!

Oh, Peter, you promised me you wouldn't drink at the stag party.

Oh, Peter!

Oh, Peter.

Oh, Peter. That tickles me in a way that if Loretta tickled me in that way,

Oh, Quagmire, you're what the Spaniards call el terrible.

Oh, really? Just like there was no apocalypse?

Oh, Reginald.

Oh, relax. Old girl doesn't have too much to wag about these days, anyway.

Oh, Rupert, I can't sleep. I don't suppose you have any Valium on you?

Oh, Sandy! Sandy!

Oh, so she's in Austin, hm?

Oh, Stewie, are you OK?

Oh, Stewie, you're adorable.

Oh, Stewie! Stop eatin' like a little piggy!

Oh, sweetheart, don't be upset. You're gonna have fun here.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sure all the boys wanna ask you to the dance.

Oh, sweetie, it's good to have you back.

Oh, terribly sorry, sir. Your soup is gratis.

Oh, that was good.

Oh, that's a good army.

Oh, that's a good army.

Oh, that's always good.

Oh, that's great, son. Light is good. Run towards the light.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's nothin'. When I was a kid I was covered with ticks.

Oh, that's pretty.

Oh, that's right. You have to punch in the numbers nowadays.

Oh, this is crazy. You walk in here with your chiselled jaw and your...

Oh, this is so unexpected.

Oh, this is the newest province of Petoria. I call it "Johio".

Oh, this is too perfect! I've been taking the blame for Rex.

Oh, those poor, unsuspecting people.

Oh, uh, my my my day was OK.

Oh, uh... Hi, Bonnie.

Oh, uh... I was only supposed to go to a movie with ya.

Oh, very good, fat man.

Oh, wait. Did you say "Chris"?

Oh, we don't have one. I guess this is where you get off.

Oh, we used to kid this guy all the time.

Oh, we'd better stop by the hospital so I can get my cooties shot.

Oh, we're here. Thank God.

Oh, well, I guess I don't have to be prepared for the competition...

Oh, well, pardon me for thinking

Oh, what am I gonna do now?

Oh, what happened? Orson fall down?

Oh, words...

Oh, yeah, and that nice chicken outside gave me this coupon.

Oh, yeah, if you like runnin' through a gauntlet of drunk, horny businessmen.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? Hey. Hey, come here, Cleveland Junior. Come to Peter.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Oh, yeah? Well, according to paragraph seven, sentence three, word eight

Oh, yeah? Well, your eyes are too close to your nose.

Oh, yeah? What about the time she strangled our other sister?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. But he's in great shape. Except his prostate.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Oh, yes, I love that.

Oh, yes, there'll be lots of cookies. There'll be dancing, Christmas mornings,

Oh, yes! God, yes! Take me!

Oh, yes! Yes!

Oh, yes. 8675309, that's it.

Oh, yes. Especially for those who have no oh, that's cold! Chance.

Oh, yes. Yes, I want the coffee cake.

Oh, yes. You remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life,

Oh, you are gettin' heavy.

Oh, you can all go to hell!

Oh, you out of time, baby.

Oh, you sly boots.

Oh, you truly are beautiful, you know that?

Oh, you're burnin' up. Must be a reaction to the shots. I'll go get you some baby aspirin.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! I have never met such an infuriating man!

Oh! I love God!

Oh! I think I hear our friend, Trolley.

Oh! I'll drive.

Oh! I'm so bored. Without Stewie around, I have nothin' to do.

Oh! I'm so glad I married a regular person and not a celebrity.

Oh! Let's cut. All right, you're sleeping with which producer?

Oh! Oh, well, it's not love, but it's a start.

Oh! Oh, you want my cookie? Oh, yes, by all means. Here you are.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! They spotted me!

Oh! She got me.

Oh! Uh, yeah. That's OK. Well, uh, thank...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hm.

Oh. Huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right.

Oh. I guess not.

Oh. I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name

Oh. No, those are just my bird calls.

Oh. Oh, God, sorry. Can you give me the line again? Not the whole line, just the end of it.

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh. Oh, God. That's right. Ponies...

Oh. Oh, right. OK, here's my idea.

Oh. Oh, this is just great. Now my own wife is forced to cook dinner for her lousy husband?

Oh. Oh. You know, honey, you don't have to do this.

Oh. Sorry. I thought you were the district attorney.

Oh. Uh... Left foot, right foot.

Oh. Well, at least you have a dad. When I was growin' up, it was just me and my mom.

Oh. Well, what about the...?

Oh. What about him? He's gotta be in his fifties.

Oh. Yeah, hold on. It's for Lando.

Oh. Yeah, sorry, Lois.

Oh... How strange...

Ohh.

Ohhh!

Ohhh!

Ohhhhh!

OK, Act One.

OK, as soon as I seduce him get ready to snap the picture.

OK, bachelor number one. I'm an ice cream cone. How are you gonna eat me?

OK, be cool. Maintain.

OK, bye.

OK, Chris, time for some good old fashioned exercise like those guys are doin'.

OK, Connie, you're up.

OK, everyone, this is a hijacking.

OK, everyone. The votes are in. This year's king and queen are...

OK, for my 307th book,

OK, good, good. Now smell her a little.

OK, honey.

OK, I'd put Brad Pitt's face on Brendan Fraser's body

OK, I'll give you a shot. I've never been able to get an interview with the mayor.

OK, just relax. Try to soil yourself, like we practised.

OK, kids, I don't want anyone swimmin' in this pool unless there's a lifeguard on duty.

OK, ladies. I'm gonna start with a Greg Louganis triple Salchow

OK, let's see what this baby can do, eh?

OK, Lois. I'll make you a deal. We'll watch the tape, but you gotta do something for me.

OK, look, so maybe this isn't where I thought I was gonna be at seven years old.

OK, me next, me next!

OK, me next, me next!

OK, Meg. I'm thinking of another word.

OK, Mommy's leaving you here for a while. Try to play nice with the other children.

OK, move the towel, move the towel.

OK, OK, I've got it, I've got it.

OK, OK, just relax. Let's see, uh...

OK, OK, OK. Wait. Here's another one.

OK, OK, so here's what I'm thinking. I'll be Charlie and you can all be my angels.

OK, OK. Here's another riddle. A woman has two children.

OK, OK. How many dirty, stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

OK, OK. So, how do you feel?

OK, OK. You know that one Christmas present you really wanted, but didn't get?

OK, our next lot is number 15 in your programme.

OK, so I tried on your bra. Jeez, the fellas were puttin' on a show.

OK, that's good. Yeah, comfort her.

OK, there she is. That is...

OK, truth or dare. Who here has gone all the way? Hm?

OK, we were wrong about the end of the world and you were right.

OK? I'm covered in fleas, lady. I'm losin' it here.

OK? I'm covered in fleas, lady. I'm losin' it here.

OK.

OK.

OK. After much thought and consideration, I have decided to make a concession or two.

OK. Bachelor number two?

OK. Everyone? It's time for my one man show

OK. Here goes.

OK. I'm fine. I'm fine.

OK. Lois's list says clean the windows, clear the gutters and wash the siding.

OK. Two American passports. Would you like to join the black market club?

OK. We've narrowed it down to two possible names. All in favour of "Bugs Bunny"?

OK. You're on. Wait!

Okay, $70. What?

Okay, boys! Let's do it!

Okay, come on, let's watch the Gumbels.

Okay, everyone.

Okay, here goes.

Okay, honey.

Okay, honey.

Okay, I'll do it.

Okay, I'm Peter Griffin, Vote for me,

Okay, if you want to be dirty, be dirty.

Okay, let's go from the top of Scene 7.

Okay, let's run this scene again.

Okay, let's stay calm.

Okay, Mrs, Griffin?

Okay, Peter, I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to shock therapy...

Okay, places. And action!

Okay, see you later.

Okay, that's good. Come on now.

Okay, time out.

Okay, we're gonna get our show back on the air...

Okay, you dirtbags!

Okay, you want to play rough?

Okay. I'll spare his life.

Okay. Mr. Griffin, all your tests came back negative.

Okay. Safe drive.

Oliver Twit, if you ask me. I would have done things rather differently, I can tell you that.

On Springer yesterday, they had "I won't share my husband"...

On this, the day of my daughter's wedding.

On Tuesdays you get to wave your penis at traffic.

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

On which we used to rely?

Once again, I finish first.

One more hole, and that man boy trophy is ours. Here you go, little buddy.

One of our neighbors took that trophy, and I'll find out who.

One of these days I'm gonna need the mirror.

One second. I'm just about finished with Family Circus.

One time my dad pooped in the neighbours' yard, then lied about it.

One which leaves this reporter asking:

Only one man can stop him.

Only one thing to do.

Only one thing to do.

Ooh, my skin's getting so slippery. Hope I don't pop out of my top.

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, sorry, chief. Seems he already sold his soul in 1976 for Bee Gees tickets.

Ooh, that'll warm it up a little.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! Aah!

Ooh! Aren't you the one in charge!

Ooh! How deliciously evil Iooking. It's like something out of Stephen King.

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Yeah!

Ooh.

Ooh. Mmm.

Oops, a little bit broke off there.

Oops. Honey, you got a little smudge.

Open this door! Open it, I say!

Open up in there!

Open up, or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument

Operation Bomb the Crap Out of Your House.

Or a pilot. Or a deli owner.

Or am I?

Or I shall transform your blue collar into a red one and...

Or lose. Whichever's funnier.

Or my cousin, Kathy Griffin?

Or not.

Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country.

Or to Chumbawamba gobbledy glue!

Or we walk.

Or what?

Or would you rather chew on your own ass, as usual?

Or you could just get your father a job with you at the toy factory.

Or you'll croak

Or you'll see

Or you're gonna see

Or your eyes are too close together, or your chest is flabby. You are who you are.

Our beautiful home with the stolen cable...

Our first item is a 17th century gilded vessel.

Our fresh faced little boy is becoming a pock marked...

Our lead story tonight: Petoria.

Our little theater group finally has a committed visionary at its helm.

Our mansion is historical, all right.

Our neighborhood hasn't been this united since Quagmire got us free cable.

Our next dedication goes out to Tony from Kim.

Our own Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa, filed this report, all by herself!

Our own summerhouse!

Our top story tonight, the rules of death no longer apply.

Our top story tonight. I will be playing the role of Anna...

Out of the house? Why, l'd be free from your oppressive gynocracy!

Out there every trash day picking through my garbage.

Ow!

Ow! Aagh! Aagh! Aagh!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! They should really use monkeys for this.

Package for Glen Quagmire.

Paid for by the Peter Griffin for SchooI Board President Committee,

Pancakes!

Part of being creative is figuring out what you're good at.

Pasta Fazul.

Pawtucket Pat has placed four silver scrolls in four random beers.

Pawtucket Pat!

Pawtucket Patriot beer. If you buy it, hot women will have sex in your back yard.

Pay attention, Junior. You wanna keep your shoulders straight and your knees bent.

Penny, you stay here with me. And Will?

People are worse off than Willy Loman.

People need to be able to die.

People who've never been in a theater will come see Diane Simmons.

People will do anything for a beautiful person.

Perfect, Peter. Now we can all enjoy it.

Perfect!

Perhaps I should seek employment.

Perhaps I'll skip the stage and go directly to films!

Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our Golden Clam?

Perhaps we should just continue the party at some other type of location.

Peter Griffin is no loser! When l'm through with our schools...

Peter is a good man and a wonderful father.

Peter is an adequate assembly line worker...

Peter was supposed to meet us here an hour ago.

Peter, a lot of creative people had mindless jobs.

Peter, all you gotta do is sit there. The plane is gonna crash in LA

Peter, are you a witch?

Peter, are you OK?

Peter, are you saying that if I shoot you in the head...

Peter, are you sure running against Lois is such a good idea?

Peter, Bryant and Greg Gumbel are brothers.

Peter, calm down. It's his first night of retirement.

Peter, can I talk to you for a second?

Peter, Chris says you told him to build a set for the North Pole.

Peter, come on. You've had 1,000 years to get ready for this party.

Peter, could you move your arm, please?

Peter, Death just agreed to let you live.

Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?

Peter, do you think there might be any validity to what Meg is feeling?

Peter, don't talk like that! You'll see a doctor tomorrow and...

Peter, don't you see? As long as he's here, you can't die.

Peter, don't!

Peter, good to see you. I've got a lot of tall, statuesque people I want you to meet.

Peter, guess what I just got. A relationship video.

Peter, have you seen my wheelchair?

Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you that you're healthy.

Peter, how can you sleep? I was almost killed.

Peter, how could you say such a thing?

Peter, how could you sell our house in Quahog without even asking me?

Peter, how could you?

Peter, I almost didn't recognize you without a towel on your arm.

Peter, I can't hug you.

Peter, I don't care what anyone else thinks. All that matters is that I love you.

Peter, I don't care what the other men are getting. You're only getting one.

Peter, I don't know how to explain it any clearer than that.

Peter, I don't think... Peter, please, I'm begging you, stop the car!

Peter, I go where I am needed.

Peter, I have a bad feelin' about this man.

Peter, I think this'll be good for you.

Peter, I thought we agreed, no TV until his homework is done.

Peter, I thought we agreed, no TV until his homework is done.

Peter, I took this job for the excitement, and you're the one who's havin' it all!

Peter, I...

Peter, I'm concerned about Stewie. He doesn't seem to play well with other children.

Peter, I'm exhausted. I've been in and outta taxis all day.

Peter, I'm gonna be killed. Does that mean nothing to you?

Peter, I'm so glad you could make it.

Peter, I'm sure you would have been a great mother if you'd had the chance.

Peter, I'm up here. Oh, sweetie,

Peter, I'm upset because you never listen to me.

Peter, if you keep this up, somethin' terrible's gonna happen.

Peter, if you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?

Peter, is that your handwriting?

Peter, it is time to repay your favour to the don

Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation.

Peter, just pay the man.

Peter, l cared about our schools.

Peter, l'm concerned that your candidacy may have become a lost cause.

Peter, listen, without death, the world would be a terrible place.

Peter, look at this one. It's safe and reliable and we can afford it.

Peter, may I? You're walking down a hallway. You take a left. You keep walking.

Peter, maybe this isn't the place...

Peter, my good friend. How good of you to come and show your respect,

Peter, no offence, but that's because we all pitched in.

Peter, no. Peter...

Peter, open the door, and break out the schnapps!

Peter, Peter. Just a minute, Listen to me, pIease!

Peter, please don't underestimate them.

Peter, please don't wipe your nose on the couch.

Peter, please!

Peter, please! I'm sorry. He's stricken with grief.

Peter, please! People are trying to watch.

Peter, please. I saw an ad for a used car that would be perfect.

Peter, since when do you care about the School Board?

Peter, take off your blindfold. We're almost there.

Peter, thank God. Did you take care of...

Peter, that rat gets bigger every time you tell this story.

Peter, that wasn't you,

Peter, that's incredible! I don't understand how...

Peter, that's it!

Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People Magazine.

Peter, the director decides whether or not to add a character.

Peter, there was no third Hardy Boy.

Peter, there's a candlelight vigil on our front lawn.

Peter, there's no way you could die.

Peter, there's water and glass and... It's a disaster in here!

Peter, this has gotten way out of hand.

Peter, this is heterosexual fashion designer Calvin Klein.

Peter, this is ridiculous. You're going to be fine.

Peter, this is truly a miracle. I'm so grateful.

Peter, we are not going to New York.

Peter, we discussed this. l'm running for School Board.

Peter, we had no idea you were such a philanthropist.

Peter, we have a problem.

Peter, we have a serious problem we need to discuss.

Peter, we really need a second car.

Peter, we're gonna be late for my cousin's wedding. Aren't you dressed yet?

Peter, we've got to put that out!

Peter, whaddaya doin'? You just ate a year's worth of food.

Peter, what are you doing here?

Peter, what are you doing? She was wonderful.

Peter, what is it?

Peter, what's going on?

Peter, when Han Solo took the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City...

Peter, where are we gonna get the money to pay all these people?

Peter, where are you going?

Peter, why are these people here?

Peter, you can't drink that outside. You're gonna end up in jail.

Peter, you can't force feed maturity. He needs to learn it on his own.

Peter, you can't just suck 200Ibs of fat out of yourself. It's not natural.

Peter, you don't have $100 million!

Peter, you don't wanna get involved with the Mob.

Peter, you remember Coco, my friend from Newport?

Peter, you start like this.

Peter, you're back! Let's go home!

Peter, you're my husband. At least, you used to be.

Peter, you're simply enchanting.

Peter, you've been down there all day. I hope they're already...

Peter, you've been wearing that giant foam cowboy hat for eight months now.

Peter, you've never done a creative thing in your life!

Peter, you've never spoken to me like that before.

Peter, you've raised a fine family.

Peter, your son is using his talents to pursue his dream.

Peter, your theme is a dud.

Peter!

Peter!

Peter! Come on! Stop, Shut up! You guys shut up!

Peter! I'm holdin' iced tea!

Peter! I'm home!

Peter! Peter! Batman, I can't breathe.

Peter? Hello? Peter, are you there? I can hear you breathing?

Peter.

Phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better, because we were a team.

Pick up the pace, guys!

Pilot error. Big mess. Everybody dies.

Pink as a pistol?! Good Lord! I can't even form a cogent simile any more.

Planes will fall out of the sky and all the world's nuclear weapons will explode,

Plastic surgery is great! I was thinkin' about havin' Broderick take a look at my nose.

Play me down the stairs, boys.

Played 18 holes with him on Saturday.

Please don't say "pooh."

Please don't take him, God. I'm sorry.

Please don't yell. I've learned my lesson

Please leave the light off. I don't want to be seen.

Please, Chris, Mommy's got a very big headache. Stop it!

Please, for your family, take it off.

Please, go into the living room and make yourself at home!

Please, have our money ready by tomorrow. Good day!

Please, I invited you so that Chris could make an impression on the art community.

Please, let me handle this. The name's Griffin.

Please, Mom. Look, there's a pool.

Please, sir, I want some more.

Police were baffled when no body was found, but they decided not to ask questions

Ponies like food, don't they? Oh, boy.

Poor little guy.

Poor Meg. I know it sounds crazy but I can't help feeling like this is somehow my fault.

Poor old Jack.

Pop, why you gotta be like that?

Pourin' all that alcohol down his throat.

Praise Peter!

Pretty high and mighty for a man who left our nation's flag out in the rain...

Princess, I don't see anyone dabbing yours behind their ears.

Probably out scoring more rock.

Professional ninja Jerry Nelson, how did you find your silver scroll?

Provided that it doesn't bother you that my Great Uncle Chet died in there.

Purse snatching, society's fault, or one man's cry for help?

Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them?

Put enough monkeys in a room with a typewriter...

Put it in here. He won't check me.

Put it on!

Put that away. Where did you get the metal for all those guns?

Puttin' on the Ritz!

Quagland? Oh, you must be dreamin'.

Quagmire, you rat bastard!

Quahog became a great and prosperous settlement.

Quahog needs a moraI, upstanding schooI board president,

Quahog, that one horse town?

Quahog's fabled alabaster clam is about to descend and usher in a new millennium.

Quick, everyone! Into the pod!

Quick, grab the guns! They're our only hope.

Quiet, quiet, quiet. Shut up. Shut up.

Qvit Stalin and answer your father.

Rafted down the mighty Mississippi.

Raja naba doua gola wookie nipple pinchie.

Raul, please take this handsome gentleman's bags to his car.

Reachin' for an apple

Really?

Really?

Really? My underground sources have informed me

Really? Oh, my God. Thank you.

Really? Shannen Doherty told me that but I thought she was just being a bitch.

Really? What's your favorite book of the Bible?

Really? Who's Debbie Miller?

Really. Stop it. Stop your boohooing. Stop it, I say. Stop it!

Recuerda si yo cierra la puerta de la garaje esta manana?

Recycling. I used the pipes from our irrigation system.

Red headed lady

Refresh my memory. Which one were you again?

Refresh my memory. Which one were you again?

Relax. I just hijacked his bubble car so he can convince my dad I'm a good guy.

Remember the pony you wanted when you were six?

Remember the time we went to get that boat?

Remember this? Huh?

Remember when we brought in that stripper for Lombardi's birthday...

Remember when you went on Password?

Remember when you were younger,

Remember, Diane, you're playing Anna, a steel town girl on a Saturday night...

Remember, the float that best captures this year's theme...

Remember, to help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered.

Remind me to ask the doctor when my other testicle will descend.

Rescue workers got the fish out of the water...

Respect for your fellow man.

Ri... No, no, no, to the left. No, no, you had her. No, no, go back, go back.

Ricky, we love you! We love you!

Rieger, cab 402. Nardo, you and your luscious melons are in 315.

Right baccarat at you.

Right here. Second request, Present pass,

Right on, sister!

Right on! Let's do it!

Right on! Whoo!

Right, Peter. And if your kids give you any lip,

Right? Yeah! You bet your ass I'm right.

Right.

Rise, my son.

Robert Kimble, founder of a local theater group known as the Quahog Players...

Rock their world!

Rufus Griffin stars in...

Run along and play alone somewhere. Shame on you all, getting her hopes up like that.

Run home, Peter! Run as fast as you can!

Run, little rabbit, run. But some day our two worlds will be one.

Run!

Rupert! I told you to watch the bags!

Russian Roulette.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Saliva working

Same goes for your heart, Tin Man.

Sandy Balfour, Child Services. We're placing this baby in a foster home.

Sandy? Not again.

Santa can't be black. We do not fear him.

Santa doesn't drive his sled 20 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on!

Sarah, forgiveness.

Sarah, we have guests! And one of them is a homosexual!

Sarah... Sarah... I don't...

Say "how do" to the Ragin' Cajun, Mr. James Carville.

Say we were drunk and knew we wouldn't remember?

Say, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work?

Scarecrow, you've had brains all along.

Scarin' the kids with your nuclear holocaust nonsense.

Scarin' the kids with your nuclear holocaust nonsense.

Screw the theatre. Mr Monatti invited us to a cocktail party so Chris can meet some artists.

Seceded and repatriated in less than a week.

Second of all, women are not people.

Second request, Present haII pass,

See kids? One day the world is going to be just like our home.

See what I mean? This is not normal.

See you in three days.

See you on the campaign trail.

See, Lois, I told you we had allies. Hey, Slobodan. You made it.

See, look. They're coming right off.

See, marriage is a partnership. If you really love someone, you gotta work together,

See, Meg? I told you your father would explain about the article.

See, that's what I do. I ask for a snack and I blow the horn.

See, the reason your fleas are drawn to you is your kidney energy is bein' blocked

See, there's Lincoln, Grant, Robert E. Lee.

See? I'm still here.

See? This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about.

See... it was lunchtime.

Seein' us all might give him somethin' to shoot for.

Seriously, is that yours? Because if it is, bravo!

Serves her right!

Serves you right. You tried to make Chris jealous, now you have an eating disorder.

Sex some people have it anonymously.

Sexual harassment is a very serious charge, Mr Griffin.

Sh.

Sh. It's OK. We'll meet you in the parking lot.

She actually opposes background checks for new teachers!

She can burn in hell for all l care! Sure she can.

She freed WiIIie Horton, naiIed Donna Rice

She hadn't eaten anything in a year.

She heard that Chris is dying!

She is so jealous. Of course I'm beautiful. I mean, look at me.

She just doesn't wanna see me fall in with a tough crowd again.

She landed a busted plane in Airport '75?

She left us something in her will.

She said a swear!

She said we fed him dog food!

She takes a bite

She taught me a valuable lesson. There's really no such thing as love.

She was a good dog.

She was right. Everyone was right.

She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...

She won't call.

She'd make one of the cool guys ask me to the Snow Ball.

She'll be all right.

She's 16, Peter.

She's coming to visit for exactly one week.

She's coming to visit for exactly one week.

She's compassionate and charming, attractive.

She's gone. Good. Well, I'm off.

She's gonna breathe on it first

She's new.

She's one of them. I'm sure of it. Tell me what they injected me with!

She's right in there, right there.

She's right. Besides, this place is paradise.

She's suing you and the company for sexual harassment.

She's two weeks younger than you. Just look at that butt. That is a tight butt.

Sheesh. What a week that was.

Should I call the cops?

Should... watch... road, but... can't... look... away.

Should've sent a poet.

Shouldn't my mom and dad be here by now?

Show me "women I gave the clap to"!

Show me Morgan Fairchild in deep something. Huh? Huh? Huh?

Show me potato salad.

Show some compassion for once in your miserable life.

Show yourself, damn you! I've been investigating him for months.

Shut up and help me. I'm not leaving her here.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up! Just... I don't want to hear it!

Shut up.

Shut up. No, you shut up.

Siam, 2015 AD.

Siamese baby? Stewie Griffin does not play bit parts!

Silence. Big Fat Paulie's in town this week to attend the wedding of my daughter.

Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids.

Simple. I just offered the people I sold it to double what they paid.

Simple. I sold our house in Quahog.

Since Mayor Giuliani had all the homeless secretly killed

Since you're half a man already, that splits them...

Sing Baa Baa Black Sheep!

Sir, all your beers have been free. All nine of them.

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your party to leave.

Sir, that casket costs $1,000.

Sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.

Sit, Ubu, sit, Good dog,

Slothful sinners! You're here to work, not sit around with your...

Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighbourhood? I don't think so!

Smooth.

Snake Griffin.

So a woman like you can become more than just a housewife.

So ask yourseIf...

So fasten your seat beIts, We're just minutes away...

So he's not going to die?

So I can have dinner with you.

So I guess you were wrong about me, Dad

So I told a little fib, and now people think I'm God.

So I went to the mall, and you're not gonna believe it they both showed up!

So I'm, like, I got a job for you, baby... right here!

So I've heard.

So let it be known I want absolutely nothing to do with the wretched enterprise of love!

So now at the end, we dance around with sparklers.

So now you all understand, yes? You all hate each other?

So now, heartbroken, I will ride recklessly into the night and up Dead Man's Curve.

So saturate the soil twice a day. That's why my tomatoes haven't been coming in.

So she dumped you, huh? To hell with her. She'll probably end up with some idiot.

So she dumped you, huh? To hell with her. She'll probably end up with some idiot.

So the guy takes the dog into the vet.

So the square of a hypotenuse, which we will label C...

So this is where babies come from?

So this is, what, for, like, a school project?

So tough luck, Swanson.

So we had her stuffed!

So we're all clear on the rules, then? No **** and no blacks.

So we're not goin' just cos some little pissant tells us to. I demand to see the owner.

So we're really gonna live here now?

So what the hell, Brian? You cured yet?

So what's the big deal? lt's normal for a boy his age to be curious.

So where is the president now?

So you can take this shiny watch and shove it.

So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em.

So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em. Ha ha ha ha!

So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em. Ha ha ha ha!

So you got...

So you see, Chubby Franklin lived across the street.

So you're better than me?

So you're caIIing me a Iiar?

So you're saying that Jesus carved his name into this mantle...

So you're saying you're not only a bad father, but a bad husband, too?

So your school can be safe and innocent like the good old days.

So, a schoolteacher? That must be interesting.

So, I guess, technically, that makes you available.

So, if she wasn't around, we could still be friends, right?

So, it's been you all along!

So, like, can the family understand the baby, or... or... What's the deal with that?

So, uh, Lando, how old did you say you were again?

So, we're terribly sorry we broke into your home.

So, whaddaya think, Diane? Can I cook or what?

So, what are you wearing?

So, what do you think of this "music television"?

So, what? You're just gonna dump me? Just like that?

So, where were we?

So, you see, it's up to you, son. If you don't wanna disappoint your father, keep him away.

So, you wanna talk or you want me to take my top off?

Sold.

Some of our greatest actors started in news, like Sean Penn.

Some other time, Chris. Now, where's my shoes?

Somebody help. Help. Help!

Somebody tipped off the cable company about our free Cinemax.

Somehow, I'm less than surprised.

Someone has to run against that awful Betsy Lebeau.

Someone like me wouldn't change it for anything in the world either.

Someone radiant and sassy...

Someone we can trust,

Someone went to Yale.

Someone's got a pretty high opinion of herself.

Something suddenly came up.

Something's wrong with your shower. The water's not cold enough.

Sometimes I just can't believe we could make something so beautiful.

Sometimes I wonder if he's got the epilepsy.

Sometimes it's best not to ask those questions.

Sometimes these things can be psychological.

Sometimes we should cherish what we already have,

Son, I'll put it someplace where everyone can see it.

Son, I'm gonna need those two hams back.

Sorry to fly off the handle. Here, let me see that.

Sorry, bud. The only tent I'm pitchin' this weekend is...

Sorry, but according to this map, you're not even part of these United States.

Sorry, Grandpa.

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you just tell me what I love?

Sorry, Lois,

Sorry, Lois. We're both a little crabby on account of the fact that neither one of us

Sorry, Lois. What's your news?

Sorry, pumpkin, we don't negotiate with kidnappers family policy.

Sorry, Tink. Looks like I don't need you any more.

Sorry, what finishing school did you say you went to?

Sorry. Me and my damn appetite!

Sounds good. Bachelor number three?

Sounds sexy.

Sounds sexy. What are the symptoms?

SpIendid, How deIightfuI to have mother back,

Spittle. Semen!

Splendid.

Spring cleaning? Oh, not again!

Springer is one of our station's highest rated shows.

Stand by, boys.

Stay out of it, Herb. You're not even his real father.

Step into my office.

Steve walks warily down the street with his brim pulled way down low

Stewardess, the plane just made my beer spill. I want a free one.

Stewardesses get to travel to exotic places, and their husbands fly anywhere for free.

Stewie and I traded in our plane tickets for train tickets.

Stewie had a doctor's appointment, then I had to pick Meg up after school.

Stewie needs to learn to socialise with other children.

Stewie seems a little feverish after his ordeal.

Stewie, are you upset because you went wee wee on the carpet?

Stewie, come complete our rainbow!

Stewie, did... did you unhook Mommy's bra?

Stewie, do you want to try out for Mommy's play?

Stewie, eat your oatmeal. Honey, you're a wonderful husband...

Stewie, gather your things. Time to go.

Stewie, I guess I'm not gonna be here to see you become a man.

Stewie, it's bath time. You're filthy again.

Stewie, l've told you before, don't eat dirt. lt's disgusting.

Stewie, leave Death alone.

Stewie, no hitting. Use your words.

Stewie, time for breakfast!

Stewie, what have you done? That's not the way we play.

Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?

Stewie!

Stewie!

Stewie!

Stewie! This is insanity.

Stewie.

Stewie. My son's name is Stewie.

Stewie's having fun.

Stewie's taking a nap and Peter and the kids are out.

Stick your finger down your throat and throw up till you're skinny.

Still at the factory. He's turning the break room into a chapel.

Still, I find it odd that she's even on my mind at all. What the deuce has come over me?

Stomach, cease thy lustful quake.

Stop it!

Stop it! Chris, why don't you want to take your shirt off?

Stop it! Stop clapping right now! What's wrong with you?

Stop it! Stop worshipping me!

Stop it! What if the kids were to see you drinkin' like this?

Stop the presses! It's Meg!

Stop this crazy thing!

Stop! All wrong! All wrong! God, send me dancers.

Stop! Help!

Stop! Peter time! I'm a big shot, there's no doubt

Stops

Su su sudio. Su su sudio.

Submitted for your approval.

Such tenderness and love on this, the day of my daughter's wedding.

Super. And only three more hours till school.

Sure they may be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound...

Sure thing, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

Sure you are... now.

Sure, this house is big, but it's also very intimate.

Sure.

Surfside Six

Surfside Six

Surprise!

Sweet Mary, mother of God! Jackpot!

Sweet statutory, you look beautiful!

Sweetheart, we all know you don't have any stuff to do.

Sweetie, that's tuna salad.

Swing and a miss.

Take a drink and you'll sink

Take a good look, fat man.

Take back your job, and give your old man a hug.

Take off the rubber bands! I'm going in.

Take out your pencils and start your test.

Take out your scalpels, kids. We're going to dissect a clown!

Take that cap off before I take it off for you!

Take that hat off in my classroom!

Take this one instead.

Take what I want, huh?

Takes a long, hard look at Randy

Taking it off here, Boss.

Talk about seeing red.

Tand Me by George Peppard.

Taste that? That's the taste of beach justice.

Tell him his grandmother was tryin' to work me over.

Tell me, Dr Hartman, do all the children fall in love with you?

Tell me, kid, what are you, like, 27?

Tell us a little bit about your country.

Ten banana cream pies.

Ten years married and still in love. What's their secret?

Testicles.

Than when we had to watch your Uncle's Jerry's snuff film.

Thank God! I mean, thank me!

Thank God! It's Karen Black!

Thank God! You made the right choice, honey.

Thank goodness Peter bought a huge supply of dehydrated meals before the blast.

Thank you all for coming. We invited Jesse Jackson

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Diane.

Thank you, Diane. So, Mrs Griffin, what's it like being the woman behind the man?

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Mr, Griffin, We now move on

Thank you, Peter, that's enough.

Thank you, Peter, that's enough.

Thank you, Peter. I'll do it.

Thank you, sweetie. Now, Peter, we've gotta find some food.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. And remember, say no to drugs.

Thank you. Mm. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. That's what you voted for.

Thanks a lot. Right now I could be in Boston, pretending I give a rat's ass about Vivaldi.

Thanks to a technicality, we have the right to secede from the US.

Thanks to old Honest Abe we have our house back and I learned a valuable lesson.

Thanks to you I can put that I'm a big liar who makes up stories about people.

Thanks to you, Lando

Thanks to you, Lando

Thanks, boys. Just like that.

Thanks, Connie. l'm very excited about our progress in revamping our schools.

Thanks, Dad!

Thanks, Dad. Look out for your mother!

Thanks, Daddy.

Thanks, Daddy. Come on, Luke. I got my computer in my room.

Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your moustache.

Thanks, Peter. I'm gonna go find out how she feels.

Thanks!

Thanks.

Thanks. It's nice to meet someone who appreciates my work.

Thanks. Stay in school.

Thanks. That's enough.

Thanks. Um... Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah, God!

Thanks. You know, I think I have my story.

Thanks. You remember my wife Courtney Love?

That baby just does not wanna keep his diaper on.

That concludes our special half hour salute to the past 1,000 years.

That does it for me.

That doesn't make them good. I was trying to make art.

That explains all the gravity.

That feels good.

That gives me an idea. Come on. I'll explain in the car.

That idiot slattern sent the dog?

That is absolutely classic! Melinda, you're an utter delight.

That is our word. You've got no right using it.

That is singing.

That Lando is taking Connie Demico.

That man has committed murder here this evening...

That man is bad news. I want him out of our house and out of our lives.

That may be. But you know what?

That one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece...

That one's probably fine.

That ought to slow them down.

That renegade pirate ship captained by the ruthless Peg Leg Swantoon!

That Ronnie's a bad influence.

That scene where you wanted to get on the plane and that dumb guy was screaming.

That should guarantee some after dinner entertainment.

That show has been canceled.

That show is so funny. It really reminds me of me and my friends,

That someone like me wouldn't change for anything in the world.

That son of a bitch has been spreading lies.

That was a lovely service, Francis.

That was AdoIpho Shabba Doo Electric Boogaloo,

That was beautiful. Hey, throw me a beer, would ya?

That was even funnier than your first joke. Put Skinny back up there.

That was great. Look at her, she's still shakin'.

That was great. On the money.

That was just a little white lie we came up with to save a TV show.

That was my plan. Where's yours?

That was pretty good. But when you said "Me llamo es Brian", you don't need the "es".

That was so sweet. It was wicked, awesome.

That was some speech, Dad.

That was the lie.

That was then and this is now!

That was weird. That was weird, too.

That wasn't a dream. He's here for the money.

That wasn't a sentence. You were ogling Peter like a horny schoolgirl.

That wasn't so bad. I don't know what these women are always complaining about.

That would be wonderful. It'll give me time to catch up on my reading.

That would just leave England. Wait. I have it.

That'd be better than having dinner with my family who I love and am not afraid of.

That'll be $27.50.

That's "Pewterschmidt"!

That's a bad mud puddle. I wouldn't want you to step in that

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

That's a great idea, Brian. It'll be like a little vacation.

That's a nice thought, Lois, but sadly, it means nothing coming from you

That's a very long story.

That's a wrap, people. Let's get the hell out of here.

That's an awesome toy.

That's an even better idea! Lois, you're a genius.

That's an invasion of my privacy.

That's better

That's better than sex!

That's called starboard. But I'll forgive you cos you sex me up. Now give me some sugar.

That's correct. A girl answered a math problem. You know what that means.

That's crazy. They're just gonna be hungry again in an hour.

That's easy for you to say. You get to keep both your cans.

That's fancy an' all. But I think you're bargainin' for more than you can chew.

That's fine, Debbie. Go, Chris.

That's for my brother Luis! He drank himself to death on your crappy beer!

That's hilarious!

That's how everyone else got their jobs.

That's impossible. Take off your shirt.

That's interesting.

That's it, Mr Giraffe, get all the marmalade...

That's it, pal, you... are... outta here!

That's it! I can teach Chris responsibility by gettin' him a job.

That's it! I want those cameras off!

That's it! l'm calling the cops!

That's it? That's all I have to do? Ah, thank Go... Wait a second. Which movie?

That's it. Now rub her back.

That's it. Ring the bell.

That's it. Watch this.

That's just a barn.

That's me. I'm Bob Funland.

That's mine.... Shaft.

That's my boy. At least, that's what your mama always told me.

That's my dad if he were a cat.

That's my dream girl. But I'm not good enough for her and she dumped me.

That's my son.

That's never happened before.

That's not Angela. That's Mona, Angela's mom.

That's not even the worst part. Wait. Yeah, it is.

That's not fair!

That's not fair! There was time now!

That's not fair. I've heard everything you've said.

That's not funny.

That's not going to stop me.

That's not necessary. Oh, my.

That's not the man I married.

That's not true! That's impossible.

That's not true. Biscuit loved all her puppies.

That's not true. I can also vomit, fall down

That's not true. I wrote Bonfire of the Vanities.

That's not very impressive.

That's OK. The breeze feels good. It's so warm in here.

That's okay, Lois. l enjoyed it.

That's okay, son. It's your right as an American citizen.

That's Petorian for "More beer, you slappy wag."

That's right, because all that's important is that I love you.

That's right, Diane. I'll tell you what else will be examined, this cock.

That's right, honey.

That's right, Tom.

That's right, Tom.

That's right. A little further.

That's right. All the tea.

That's right. Damn you and such.

That's right. I guess when it comes right down to it, you're a pretty lucky...

That's right. I have divine powers!

That's right. I made it up. I figured if people thought the last scroll was found,

That's right. I went there.

That's right. I went there.

That's right. This place is my legacy. So what have you done with your life, you jerk?

That's Satan talking! You're a failure as a worker and as a father!

That's so cute. You're just afraid that because you're a woman, you'll do something stupid,

That's sweet of you to ask, but he's my nephew.

That's the lamest excuse I've heard since Steinberg's ******* High Holiday crap.

That's the last of them.

That's the reason I fell in love with him in the first place.

That's what I thought. Oh, man!

That's what l think about you taking chill pills from the Man.

That's what this march is all about.

That's what you said about that back alley abortionist.

That's where the market crashed. Mr. Griffin!

That's why he'll understand that you can never see him again.

That's why I started Stewie's Big and Tall Man Shop. If you're portly or tall,

That's why I'm giving you my summer home in Newport.

That's why Mom and Dad adopted you.

That's why we got that Steven Hawking guy.

That's why we've got to get you well.

That's why, if I'm eIected, I promise to fight for competent teachers...

That's your butt hole!

That's... that's not a riddle, that's... that's just terrible.

The Beautiful People's Club? How come I never heard of it?

The chap who's been touting the merits of a United European Commonwealth?

The chiIdren of Quahog are our greatest treasure,

The city lies in ruins after the ninth nuclear World War.

The club's having a man boy tournament. You should enter

The Colombian spotted toad, to be precise.

The Colonel!

The couple has written their own vows, which they will now recite.

The day's not quite gone, but the night's not quite here,

The debate is tonight and you don't seem to have any supporters.

The doctor! I guess he must know, right?

The don's daughter's wedding. That's perfect.

The egg drop, an annuaI tradition for junior high schooI science students,

The end of the world is comin'. Get in your radiation suits.

The end.

The final plague is the death of the first born son.

The float turned out great.

The freakin' vet tells him, get this, "It's not a dog. It's a rat."

The full story, and maybe Diane's boobs, tonight at 11:00.

The funniest thing happened at work today.

The good Lord said to honor thy father.

The great Eskimo actor Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The Griffins are not to be trusted.

The guy who aims is in the john. Ah, here he is. Next one's comin' right at you.

The guy who thinks up the names is on vacation. Fire!

The healthiest thing we can do is just ignore this and pretend it doesn't exist.

The hell it is! You get in there and you kick that fish's ass!

The home of that old campus swing

The important thing is to stay calm. It's probably nothing, honey.

The infomercial said this tape will help us communicate better as a couple.

The Iron Age could kick the Bronze Age's butt any day of the week.

The IRS is much kinder and gentler than we used to be.

The kids are growin', the nest is empty, and I need some excitement.

The kids are on their way to LA to renegotiate their contracts.

The kids were all calling him Crisco and Pizza Face...

The King of Siam? Why, that's the lead!

The King of Siam? Why, that's the lead! This is so unexpected!

The last Pope we had here filled his shaving kit with Necco wafers.

The matron of prattle has left me in your ward.

The matron of prattle has left me in your ward.

The moment has arrived at last.

The mysterious and eccentric brewmeister, Pawtucket Pat,

The name's Marty, and I'm very sensitive about my weight.

The old bag only paid us up through the song.

The only thing you create before 9:00 a. M...

The only way to get any respect around here

The Pacific Rim economy is still a tad shaky for my taste.

The password is...

The pattern is just a coincidence.

The raccoons were here. See?

The real challenge is having a baby that's addicted to crack.

The recipient declines to be interviewed for safety reasons,

The Rhode Island Cock Society is sponsoring free check ups...

The scene outside the US Petorian border

The Siamese children. How about this? They're not children.

The sitcom that's funnier when you play it really loud.

The situation is very tense and extremely dangerous.

The solarium is at the far end of the west wing.

The ultraviolet scanning light will be the judge of that.

The vessel goes to...

The waist is still fine, you know... You can see it's still real stretchy.

The whole world is laughing at me. This is high school all over again.

The world is gonna end at midnight.

The world is now under my control. But oh, no! I'm naked!

The zipper's been broken for over a month. I gotta use a damn safety pin.

The... the guy who lied?

Then at least let me drive!

Then breed with their women. In time our differences will be forgotten.

Then breed with their women. In time our differences will be forgotten.

Then I got on Suddenly Susan, and that was, like, really cool.

Then I thought "Hey! I could be like Hillary Clinton!" Only, you know, without the penis.

Then I tried music.

Then I tried sculpting.

Then I tried teachin' him how to get out of payin' a check.

Then I'll use him to live out all my frustrated hopes and dreams,

Then I'm tellin' you

Then put your hands together for the one, the only...

Then you got caught peeping in the ladies' locker room.

Then you may not pass until you answer the following question:

Then you'll have to order my next tape.

There are a lot of different kinds of love, and ours was perfect the way it was.

There are fields for tilling, woods for timber, and always the bounty of the sea.

There have been political scandals since Thomas Jefferson.

There is in "Peter Griffin presents The King and I."

There is no talking penguin in The King and I.

There it is. The black market.

There might be a mineshaft under this library.

There was a power surge, you don't bathe...

There we are. Oh, I say. I've laid an egg.

There we are. Who did that, Jeffie? Not me.

There you go, kiddo. All clean.

There you go, Lois. You love kids.

There you go! Good night.

There you go. These oughta keep the rats away.

There'll be blood

There's a benefit gala at the Boston Pops tonight, and...

There's a lot of good Iookin' people here.

There's a sandwich on the counter, honey.

There's a Wall Street Journal by the changing table.

There's fresh seafood, good prices.

There's gotta be a way for you all to enjoy the trophy.

There's gotta be an explanation for all this!

There's my boy! Hey, come on, Chris. Let's go to Barneys and fart in the suits.

There's no factory?

There's no limit to what I could... Oh, my God, there's an orgy in my mouth.

There's no one else here. Everybody just shut up!

There's no such thing. Things are different than when we were kids.

There's no way I'm gonna get in now. I'm a felon.

There's no way we can have maritals with you lying all the way over there.

There's nothing like someone else's party.

There's nothing you can say that'll change my mind.

There's only one thing to do learn the language of the fleas, earn their trust,

There's only one way to put an end to this nuisance.

There's only one way to settle this.

There's quite a crowd outside.

There's really no need to do anything. Paint my house.

There's some subtleties to the rules that aren't so easy to understand.

There's the President, First Lady Lois,

There's the tea. I'll get it, Lois. Two sugars, right, Bonnie?

These bluebeards still treat me like scum 'cause I'm not loaded.

These people are worshipping you.

These people shouldn't be encouraged! They should be punished!

These poor, deluded people think you have divine powers.

These tapes are about communication. If you wanted to see a woman acting nasty...

These wonderful homes on this beautifully secluded island

They are devices built by the Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.

They are very insecure about their appearance.

They are. I'm washing them with some fabric softener.

They call this the "magic hour":

They can't believe l came out of you!

They caught the guy, and now they're interviewing him.

They could've gone with plan B.

They could've just as easily gone with "rooster."

They deserve a schooI board president who doesn't Ieave their feminine ointments...

They did an all you people version of Hello, Dolly that was very successful.

They did now!

They didn't have capri pants in the 1860s.

They have been ever since they first came here from France.

They have those?

They laughed because it looked like you peed yourself, not because they liked your jokes.

They precipitated the downfall of history's most powerful men!

They said it evens me out.

They should have put that on before CHiPs. The marketing practically writes itself.

They want me to be the new artistic director of the Quahog Players!

They were so itchy I couldn't sleep, which is why I was downstairs

They won't leave a bruise, and they'll let 'em know who's boss. There's no doubt about it.

They would turn you into dog food

They'd rather wander through SoHo, looking for an address that doesn't exist.

They're aliens!

They're all closed on Sundays. This is a dry county.

They're crafty, I tell you. It happens when you least expect it.

They're giving your cue, Peter.

They're in place!

They're just both really phony, just like me.

They're just like darkness, gadflies, and boils.

They're probably just shy or scared.

They're real. And, FYI, Lincoln had the jungle fever.

They're walking down the road

Things got way too real.

Things only got worse. Before long, Miles began to contemplate killing the clam.

Things work out if you do whatever you want without worrying about the consequences.

Third place, Peter Griffin and a stalk of corn.

This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age

This blows!

This campaign literature must be posted today to get you into office...

This child is beautiful. I must have him.

This comic sucks! He couldn't make me laugh

This could be a nice way for you and Stewie to bond.

This doesn't look very good. No, this doesn't look very good at all.

This dog's been swimming for days, and he stinks like a dead otter.

This eIection is about our chiIdren's future,

This is a biogenetic experimentation facility, isn't it? Admit it!

This is a man who beIieves the pIuraI of "goose" is "sheep"!

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for Chris, not you.

This is a one of a kind item, a super mega death ray.

This is a very safe procedure, son. You won't feel a thing.

This is actually a rather elegant solution for my problem of what to do with Lois.

This is all my fault. I was just trying to help my daughter get onto the school newspaper.

This is all your fault. And there's only one solution.

This is an Action News 5 News Break.

This is Atlantic City all over again.

This is awful. Now the drugs are in the schools?

This is embarrassing. I seem to have fleas.

This is gonna be great.

This is gonna be my greatest victory ever. Except for the time I defeated my evil twin.

This is great. How the hell are we supposed to get home?

This is great. Not only did I live long enough to see Meg go to her first dance,

This is humiliating!

This is Iife, the one you get, so go and have a baII...

This is interminable! I demand to know why you insist on taking me everywhere you go!

This is just a formality, since I happen to be doing the director.

This is marvellous! I feel like a young Johnny Weissmuller!

This is my chance to prove how valuable I am to the company!

This is my fourth trip today. Just this mornin' I went to Kentucky.

This is my friend, Big Fat Paulie, and, uh... this is his big fat ass.

This is my rifle, this is my gun This is for fighting, this is for fun

This is my wife, Lois. Ah!

This is not a safe place to be.

This is Peter Griffin.

This is pure exploitation.

This is Rodgers and Hammerstein, not trash TV!

This is so awkward.

This is terrible! We're the laughing stock of the town and we've lost our daughter.

This is the Beautiful People's Club, and you're our newest member.

This is the final plague!

This is the first place we've gone to. We should try another lot.

This is the first time he's eaten something other than dog food in three weeks.

This is the kind of mind numbing schlock...

This is the most reckless thing you've ever done!

This is the perfect way to show what a great father figure I've been to Cleveland Junior.

This is the same old crap over and over again.

This is the smartest show on TV.

This is the time of the month when Loretta's visited by her Aunt Flo.

This is treason! For God's sake, Peter! Make an example of her!

This is Trisha Takanawa, here with School Board President Peter Griffin.

This is what you call dolled up? Why don't you save yourself years of sexual ambiguity

This is... Wow.

This isn't art! This isn't even entertainment!

This just in. Lois Griffin is named the new artistic director of the Quahog Players

This kind of acrimony isn't gonna resolve our differences.

This many!

This may not be my proudest moment, but damn it, I wanna win.

This means war!

This must be where Wilford Brimley was strangled by Bob Crane.

This one is for Peter Griffin and Tony Randall.

This one time the National Guard came and shot some of my friends.

This one's got Tony bathing Jonathan. That's just plain wrong.

This sucks, Brian. Why should I have to pay this?

This sucks!

This sucks.

This time it's definitely not "kitty".

This wedding is hot!

This whole thing is ridiculous. I forbid you from goin' to that dance.

This whole thing just makes me sick!

This whole thing was your idea!

This world would be far better if there were more men like him.

This'll be even easier than running unopposed.

This'll be for my fourth birdie. Looks like someone's in the zone.

This'll never get Meg on the paper. This is old news.

Those are fake!

Those are my first editions. You little punk!

Those fanatics are building a golden idol of you on our lawn.

Those films my cousin Rufus used to do were pure exploitation.

Those Griffins always were oddballs, Joe. Real oddballs.

Those look like our sheets and our quilt.

Those people are nothing but vile, cheating, lying scum.

Though the beer may be free

Three bullets, last guy standing keeps the trophy. Me first.

Three of the plagues God visited upon Egypt in the Old Testament.

Three. One dirty, stinking ape to screw in the light bulb,

Throw the bum out!

Till you've reached that pure inebriation

Time for doggie to go the way of Old Yeller.

Tired of not being able to find clothes that fit? I know I was.

To a state of pure inebriation

To answer your question, like that.

To be clear we were talking about me being in love with you and you rejecting me, right?

To be honest with you, Diane, I'm surprised.

To be honest, Peter, we were all a little surprised you invited us over.

To change my son from a lazy slacker into a workin' man.

To get to the centre of a Rhode Island state prison?

To get to the centre of a Rhode Island state prison?

To hell with the cameras. How could we ever let them replace our little girl?

To hell with you!

To most folks, that's three chores.

To Mr. Peter Griffin for an astonishing $100 million!

To open our negotiations with a prayer.

To Peter Griffin and his big hose, it's one.

To Peter, Connie Demico is Phoebe Diamond, the most popular girl in his school.

To quote Bob Dylan.

To scratch your ass with a laser beam from space?

To tell you the truth, we're all a little uncomfortable being waited on.

To the Popemobile!

Toad is what Lando forbids

Today at Buddy Cianci Junior High, an egg drop conducted by teacher...

Today on Hitler, we'll be talking with Christian Slater.

Today we citizens of Quahog continue this tradition.

Today, my vision for our future comes true.

Today's guest is tired of being embarrassed by her family.

Today's weather calls for breezy skies and sun, and there's gonna be a...

Told him he was soft in the Arafat interview.

Tom has dared me to do the news topless.

Tom, another life was tragically cut short today.

Tom, I'm standing in the bedroom of Judy and Glen Isaacs.

Tom, the city of Boston is examining its conscience tonight...

Tom, the eggs being dropped behind me are not chicken eggs...

Tomorrow we'll all go to a big dinner to honor him.

Tonight she takes on her greatest chaIIenge, Peter Griffin...

Tonight, Katie Couric guest stars as a very perky crack whore.

Tony?

Too bad Loretta doesn't allow white literature in our household.

Too bad! l've already lost more than that!

Too beautiful.

Too huge. But you're thinking. I like that.

Tough break there, Jesus.

Towards strengthening your relationship.

Trained on every capital city around the globe.

Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.

Trust me, Chris, sometimes it's better not to fit in.

Trust me, Meg, at his age, it's strictly involuntary.

Trust me, painting is the least important thing about being a successful artist.

Trust your sisters. Jump into the trust quilt.

Try and stop them.

Try them. You'll like them.

Tryin' to steal Tom Selleck's food.

Trying to do all these errands in a taxi is exhausting.

Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8:00 and home by 11:00.

Turn right at fork in road.

Twice, three times

Two minutes, everybody

Two more dead from alcohol poisoning. Hm.

Typical male fantasy! Women drinking beer!

Ugh!

Ugh! I do not sound like that.

Uh oh! Lois! I'm losin' my buzz!

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh oh. Fire! Fire!

Uh oh. Uh oh!

Uh uh uh! Can't touch me.

Uh, I don't know if Mom and Dad told you,

Uh, I mean, mobbed as in crowded.

Uh, I was wonderin' if... if... if you'd, uh, d do me the honour of, uh...

Uh, I'm not sure which one to cut here. The red one... or the blue one...

Uh, my day?

Uh, no, no

Uh, OK, Tim. Who's your favourite sports star?

Uh, Peter, there's a "T" in there. That says "audit".

Uh, salad.

Uh, sorry, kid. I can't sell power tools to minors.

Uh, this couple is attacked by a... a...

Uh, waiter? There's a dead guy in my soup.

Uh, well, I do have a friend on the school newspaper.

Uh, when did he die?

Uh, yeah. Whatever.

Uh! Get out of my head!

Uh. Not talking to myself.

Uh...

Uh... If you get a job,

Uh... uh, hold on. I'm gonna take this in the other room.

Uh... uh, sure.

Uh... Uh...

Uh... uh... Lois, look over there!

Uh... uh... uh...

Um, on Sundays we generally catch the early bird special

Um...

Um... the recent campus sporting event was most disappointing for our side, wasn't it?

Um... Uh...

Um... you might have noticed my underwear has a hole in it.

Uncle Sam sent me $500.

Uncle Vanya and I worked without rest, afraid to spend a kopeck on ourselves.

Uncle Vanya used to spend whole nights translating books for you.

Under the moonlight, surrounded by refugees.

Unfortunately, he couldn't make it, so in his place we have LaToya Jackson.

Until then, you shall continue to sanitise my crevasse

Until we're syndicated, Fox will never let us die

Until you bring the Gumbels back, I am going on a hunger strike.

Unzip me.

Upstairs, doin' their homework by candlelight.

Use the door next to it.

Usually there are so many distractions.

Very good, Jimmy.

Very good, Jonas. Oh, my! Look at the time.

Very good, Peter! That's true.

Very good, sir.

Victory is mine!

Victory is ours!

Vodka stinger with a whiskey back. And step on it!

Voice test: I'm Chris.

Vote for Peter Griffin!

Wah, wah, wah. Come on! It's only childbirth. How much could it hurt?

Wah! Wah! Wah!

Wait a minute, I smell barbecue.

Wait a minute! I got it! No, lost it. There it is again!

Wait a minute! You can't... you can't just push me aside.

Wait a minute. He's not dead yet.

Wait a minute. Meg, when did you become a teenager?

Wait a minute. My son only has a short time to live.

Wait a minute. Nobody's slapping anybody.

Wait a minute. Peter, you can't take Meg to a school dance.

Wait a minute. So no matter what I do, I won't die?

Wait a second, bIow dryer, I'm not done yet,

Wait a second! What about Peter?

Wait a second.

Wait a second. Death?

Wait a second. I don't see any strippers passing out free tacos. Lois, you lied to me!

Wait a second. Rosie, I've just poured this glass of warm yellow liquid on the counter,

Wait a second. That's it! They can't make a dead guy pay his bill.

Wait a second. Work! That's what'll bring us together.

Wait a second. You're tellin' me I flew all the way to Kentucky to get some fried chicken,

Wait and see

Wait here at the gate. I gotta run a quick errand.

Wait here, Dad.

Wait, I'm not done,

Wait, Peter, everyone has to audition. You know, sing, dance.

Wait, you guys.

Wait!

Wait!

Wait! Don't go! I'm sorry!

Wait! Meg! Meg, get off that bus.

Wait! We can work this out!

Wait! You can't go.

Wait. If everybody respects you, how come you're eatin' by yourself?

Wait. This is the best part! He dances!

Wait. We're a team. Is that OK with you? Because your opinion matters too.

Wait. Where are you going?

Wait. You can't go in there.

Waiter, there's a dead guy in my...

Wake up, dammit! Wake up!

Wake up, Leona! This decrepit Hooverville is infested with something besides idiots!

Wake up, wake up, wake up. You need some lotion, Mr Bad Skin?

Wakey, wakey, worthless domestic. Time to make the inedible gruel.

Warren Fredericks, Quahog Beautiful People's Club. Come on in front.

Was killed last night when his motorcycle careened off Dead Man's Curve.

Was she right, son? Do you have a good life?

Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man,

Water and gas to the tiny four bedroom republic.

Water and gas to the tiny four bedroom republic.

Water soluble.

Water soluble.

Wave at the Pope there, Luke.

Way to go, Meg!

We all did it. If you want to be a Supreme Court justice,

We are at the 17th hole, where Peter Griffin and Cleveland Junior are five strokes ahead,

We are conditioned to feel competitive with other women when we should be supportive.

We are not bad people.

We are not missing a once in a lifetime event because of some wacko doomsday theory.

We can dig Joe out of the driveway

We can just pick up after ourselves.

We can rebuild him.

We can settle down here and build a house just like we had in Quahog.

We can start our own father son business.

We can stay in touch, can't we? What's your e mail?

We can't bathe, we can't do laundry, there's no heat...

We can't do the show without Meg.

We can't live like this for ever.

We can't. I sold our home.

We certainly do get around

We could offer you the guest room,

We cut 'em in half, stick a Virgin Mary in them and sell them as shrines.

We did all we can, but medical science has come just so far.

We did it again.

We did it, Brian!

We did it, Brian!

We didn't know who she was! It's not our fault!

We didn't measure!

We don't get many of you molten rock men in here.

We don't need Diane Simmons. We've had someone better all along.

We don't need guns. We need food and water.

We found him working on a kick press.

We got a 602 at 31 Spooner Street!

We gotta get some fake passports on the black market.

We gotta get to that factory and we'll have all the food we need.

We gotta go. The cameramen think we're taking Chris to soccer practice.

We gotta save Gumbel 2 Gumbel, and were gonna do it Griffin 2 Griffin.

We have 10 varieties of single malt scotch and a wine cellar with over 10,000 bottles.

We have a caller on the line. Go ahead.

We have a new record for the Historical Society!

We have everything we need. And no crime, no guns, no pollution.

We have family dinners, and we go to church...

We have the identity of the real killer. But first...

We have the technology, but l don't want to spend a lot of money.

We have to meet with Aunt Marguerite's lawyer tomorrow.

We hope to get to the moon very shortly.

We interrupt for breaking news. After years of isolation,

We just came by to see if your son's taken a media friendly turn for the worse.

We just don't want to pay $12 a month for Cinemax.

We leave you with a look back at some of those we've lost this millennium.

We loved Biscuit so much, we wanted to keep her with us always.

We made the deal. We're richer and more powerful than ever!

We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth!

We may pick up some college girls

We need a picture for the front page.

We need more information about this new planet.

We need sick kids we can package.

We need to take a chance. Try something different. Something fresh.

We needed a weekend away from the kids.

We never broke into song and dance before you arrived.

We now begin our final approach into Los Angeles International.

We now go Iive to Action News 5 Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa,

We now go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa. Tricia, what can you tell us?

We now go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa. Tricia, what can you tell us?

We now go live to Logan International Airport...

We now return to "Little House on the Prairie".

We now return to "Sherry and the Anus".

We now return to "The Communists".

We now take you live to Peter Griffin Junior High...

We only air the show. We have nothing to do with it being canceled.

We pray.

We realized our friendship is a lot more important than some stupid trophy.

We should cut down on your sweets you're gettin' a belly. Chris, where have you been?

We should sell you to the circus, you freak!

We sold out!

We sure do. Let's hope you get it.

We think sometime between The Tonight Show and The Today Show.

We think the Griffin guy gets it.

We took the mystery box. Hop in.

We were in the middle of a turkey dinner to celebrate Peter's good health.

We were more interested in that car over there.

We were so obsessed with that trophy, we lost sight of what was really going on.

We women have so much strength inside us.

We won! All right!

We won't have to. I don't believe this. She's the one I'm supposed to whack.

We would have sent you with the others, but we didn't know you were stuck in the toilet.

We'd tell you more but we would have the censors on our ass

We'll be back, Stewie.

We'll be closing in two minutes.

We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes.

We'll continue this discussion tonight, young man.

We'll find another place.

We'll move to England. Worst they got there is, uh, you know, drive by arguments.

We'll never finish the float in time for the parade.

We'll start the bidding at $140,000.

We're certainly going in style

We're finished. We're done.

We're from the One World, One People Book of the Month Club.

We're going to add...

We're gonna all hang ten and maybe then

We're gonna be late! Why won't you talk to me?!

We're gonna miss you, Death. Don't worry.

We're having the time of our lives

We're just having a little pow wow to discuss my latest changes.

We're moving back to Quahog as soon as we can get packed.

We're not gonna buy your lousy time share, all right? Now where's my boat?

We're not gonna stop till we're there

We're off on the road to Rhode Island

We're off on the road to Rhode Island

We're off on the road to Rhode Island

We're Rhode Island bound

We're Rhode Island bound

We're still working some of the bugs out of our latest invention, Permasuds.

We're talking Marty McSuperfly, dig?

We're the ones who fed dog food to our crack addicted baby.

We're trying to elude someone, not drive to soccer practice. Let's take this one.

We're, like, trying to eat here.

We've also got the less popular Nobody Poops But You.

We've been here all day, and Chris isn't a famous artist yet.

We've been rehearsing for hours. I'm exhausted!

We've followed the pied piper to the gates of oblivion and look what it's brought us.

We've got a long road ahead. But I've worked miracles before.

We've got a runner in sector G.

We've travelled a bit and we've found

WeIcome to eighth grade orientation, everyone,

Welcome aboard, sir. Lead as you see fit.

Welcome back to "Diane!"

Welcome back, Farg. Much obliged.

Welcome back, Fargas.

Welcome back, Fargas. Thank you.

Welcome back, Peter.

Welcome to Flappy's.

Welcome to my fair city.

Welcome to the 83rd annual Quahog Harvest Festival Parade.

Welcome to the Historical Society Auction.

Welcome to your new home.

Welcome!

Welcome. Chris, there are a number of artists here I'd like you to meet.

Well, actually, I really wanted to go to Wellesley

Well, actually, I'm not really a woman.

Well, as a rule, I would say no, but OK, come in.

Well, as you may have noticed, Peter's been acting a little different lately.

Well, at least I have my books.

Well, at least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street to get a boat.

Well, at least our kids know better.

Well, at these prices I'm not surprised.

Well, Beth, what do you think? Does Mark find you attractive?

Well, Bob Funland may have his name on the sign, but only a Griffin has this.

Well, bye.

Well, fine. I'll be on me way.

Well, goodbye sweet home. Maybe someday we'll return.

Well, goodbye, Dr Kaplan. And thank you.

Well, he's my dad. And I just want him to love me.

Well, hello, Mr Water Jet.

Well, hello! You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

Well, here's what I think of your contract.

Well, how much harm can one more pitcher do?

Well, howdy, strangers. You look plumb tuckered.

Well, I bet if Hillary Clinton becomes senator, she'll straighten it out.

Well, I bet you're a hungry little fella.

Well, I bet you're a hungry little fella.

Well, I bought him and I've been saving him for a time like this. Surprise!

Well, I couldn't be more angry with you.

Well, I don't have a lot of options. I'm Catholic!

Well, I guess I'll give it a little more time. It's like I always tell the kids

Well, I guess I'll see you there. Fred, this is not a date!

Well, I guess the world'll show me a little more respect now.

Well, I would try to eat you really fast, before I got flaccid.

Well, I...

Well, I'd better go start dinner.

Well, I'll show them! I'll show all of them! Oh, my God, that hurts!

Well, I'm about to find out.

Well, I'm gettin' somethin' special too.

Well, I'm off to popularity. Ciao!

Well, I'm president of the Luke Perry fan club, Quahog chapter.

Well, I'm sorry you're so hostile toward someone who's fighting

Well, I'm trying to nail the flautist.

Well, I'm... I'm sure you have something to say to that, hm?

Well, if this is what you want.

Well, in that case, Dad...

Well, in that case, I'm suing you for sexual harassment.

Well, it's her loss, right?

Well, it's just the most creative job there is.

Well, it's just... I've been tryin' to teach Chris how to be a man, you know?

Well, it's nice to have music while we eat.

Well, it's not an instrument. It's more of an object.

Well, la de da. I don't need my food brought to me.

Well, let me give my big boy a kiss.

Well, let me tell you somethin', buddy. If my son can't come in, then I'll just come in.

Well, let's take a look at your transcript.

Well, let's take the old boy out for a spin

Well, listen to this!

Well, Lois, at least one of us is in the Mile High Club.

Well, Lois, I tried finding my creativity, like you said

Well, Lois, why don't you put down your ginger ale and Redbook and get to work?

Well, Lois, you told me to produce, and I did.

Well, looks like someone's going to a big party tonight.

Well, maybe some of them deserved it.

Well, maybe that was part of my act. Urine happens to be very edgy,

Well, maybe you're not as good a father as me, huh?

Well, Mr Griffin, the bandages are ready to come off.

Well, Mr Griffin, you don't owe any additional money,

Well, my dad thinks I'm a screw up. I was hoping you could change his mind.

Well, Nell Carter used to be twice as big before Broderick got through with her.

Well, not now. But soon!

Well, now I am getting us off TV. I quit.

Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try.

Well, Peter, I guess you learned a pretty valuable lesson.

Well, she probably wouldn't have wanted to see me anyway.

Well, so much for finding food at the Stop 'N Shop.

Well, sometimes it does. I mean, you were pretty bad in bed Saturday night.

Well, stunning really. I guess you could say I really...

Well, sugar, the bakery just closed.

Well, sweetie, part of growing up is learning that adults aren't perfect

Well, thank God she's just a figment of my imagination.

Well, thank God we came prepared. We brought enough food to last us...

Well, that's great. Enjoy your show, boys.

Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles!

Well, the hijacking of Flight 52 is over. The plane has safely landed in Cuba,

Well, the important thing is it matters to you. And that's the greatest gift of all

Well, the other day I told Jane her blouse was pretty when it was really pee ew.

Well, then it's a good thing I have this.

Well, then, giddy up.

Well, then, I guess it's both.

Well, there's your problem. Jobs are for suckers

Well, this isn't very good, now, is it?

Well, uh...

Well, we call you "normies".

Well, we just finished off what was left in the kitchen.

Well, we just have to trust our kids to stay off drugs.

Well, we're a clean and industrious people, mostly white.

Well, we're finally goin' home.

Well, well, Mr Toilet. I thought you were in the Hamptons.

Well, well, well!

Well, well, well.

Well, you always do the skull gag when you're depressed. Talk to me.

Well, you can't interview a dead man... can you?

Well, you know, when I was your age, we had way better drinkin' games.

Well, you look wicked skinny. I'm, like, jealous.

Well, you might wanna bring some cash, cos some places don't take credit cards.

Well, you put me in a very awkward position, Peter, but I guess I have no choice.

Well, you see where I'm goin' with this. Oh!

Well, you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all, now, would you? That one wasn't very good.

Well, you'd better let him out!

Well! The outrages I have suffered today will not be soon forgotten.

Well... I do have that really slutty dress you hate.

Were you there when I farted?

Wha... You own this whole place?!

Whaaaat?

Whad...?

Whaddaya doin' lyin' on the couch at this hour? You been drinkin'?

Whaddaya gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy?

Whaddaya mean, you thought she'd be six feet under and we'd be able to catch a movie?

Whaddaya mean, you're gonna fire that hit man?

What a coincidence. I've got one.

What a great day! I just want to say...,

What a marvelous vessel.

What a precious little boy.

What a waste of money. I'm still hungry.

What about Amelia? She saw everything.

What about this house?

What about what I went through when Lois was pregnant?

What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas?

What an awful home for a child!

What are the symptoms? Take a look!

What are they up to?

What are you doing with all them bathtubs, you heathen dummy?

What are you doing with my Star Wars glass?

What are you doing, lad? Nothing!

What are you doing? What the hell is this?

What are you doing? You're not a pilot. I know every pilot in the world!

What are you looking at, you... you infantile, stupid...

What are you talkin' about? I'm a born leader. Like my great great uncle Ulysses S Griffin.

What are you talkin' about? I'm a woman.

What are you talkin' about? Your life is plenty exciting. For example...

What are you talking about? I wanted her freakin' money.

What are you talking about? You said the shots were supposed to make me healthy.

What can I get you, sir?

What changes?

What did they do with the regular K?

What did we get? Come on, big money! No whammy! Stop!

What did you do to my daughter? I swear to God, if you touched her...

What did you use for this cocoa, crap?

What did your therapist say?

What do we do now? What the hell do we do now?!

What do we do, write a letter?

What do you care?

What do you do when you're stuck in a chair

What do you have to say to that?

What do you mean, our credit card was declined?

What do you mean, you're leaving me here? What is this place?

What do you mean?

What do you think of the one you call God

What does "hic a doo La" mean?

What does that say under me? Oh, go yourself, Diane.

What happened to me?

What have I done?

What ho? A veritable bevy of co eds.

What I wouldn't do for one syrup soaked bite.

What if they bury her and she wakes up because she wasn't really dead...

What is the Pope doing here?

What kind of a guy... what's he like? Is he a friendly don?

What kind of man devalues the life of his child for a TV show?

What kind of pervert gave you kids this filth?

What might be right for you, may not be right for some,

What the deuce?

What the deuce...? Agh! Fleas! Agh!

What the devil are you talking about?

What the heck happened to that trophy anyway?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell are you doing? I was talking about another fruit cup.

What the hell are you talkin' about? I've lived there for 12 years.

What the hell are you talking about?

What the hell do you see in him?

What the hell do you see in him?

What the hell is Gatilsday?

What the hell is goin' on here?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is this? Didn't you see that sign?

What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!

What the hell is this? I said egg whites only!

What the hell would we ever need guns for?

What the hell? I told you to waste the Dawson's Creek kids.

What the hell. Come here, Hillary.

What the hell...?

What the hell...? Peter, if you wanna stay here, that's fine.

What the hell's wrong with him?

What the United States is doing to Petoria right now is criminal.

What the... What the devil are you doing? Stop it! Stop it, I'm getting dizzy!

What the...? Aargh!

What was that?

What would you have us do, O great healer of Quahog?

What wrong with you? I say you he dead.

What you gettin' mad at me for? He gets his fat from your genes.

What, are you people stupid?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? But how could you afford that?

What? Don't complain. This is actually makin' you look attractive.

What? Have you all taken a vow of silence?

What? It's a ladder. He can't use it. It's like taking a watch off a dead guy.

What? Lois, you can't quit. What if Kurt Cobain had quit?

What? Women are things.

What? You can't just come over here and annexe my pool.

What?!

What'd I miss?

What'd you do, sell your body to science? You know, I've thought of doin' that.

What's a SOB?

What's all the noise? I was just jerked out of a sound sleep.

What's Family Guy?

What's going on back here? Oh, hello, Megan. Wait, you're not part of the popular clique.

What's going on out here?

What's going on?

What's going on? Did the city give you the permit?

What's that? Something out at sea?

What's that? The wind!

What's that? What's that? You want me inside ya?

What's the big deal?

What's the big deal? You wanted to sell out, and we did.

What's the little guy's name?

What's the matter? Is the mighty Catwoman afraid of a little Catwoman melting spray?

What's the matter? Miss your mommy?

What's the use? You're right.

What's wrong with me?

What's your story? Get lost on the way to the morgue?

Whatever dangers we may face

Whatever problems we have can be settled in the privacy of...

Whee! Yeah! Whoa, momma! Whoo! Whoo! Yeah!

Wheeee! Whoo hoo!

When can I have it?

When did God ever say He didn't want someone else...

When I get all steamed up, hear me shout

When I get him home, I swear I'm gonna grease up...

When I think back on all the food we've wasted in this house.

When I think of... of... of... of the times that that woman has...

When I try to speed things up in bed, I'm not thinkin' of Connie, I'm thinkin' of Phoebe.

When I was born, my mommy dunked me in a barrel of sugar.

When I wish you were a little more sensitive.

When licked, these toads trigger an intense psychedelic euphoria that's... that's just great.

When you asked me if I was OK and I said I couldn't sleep.

When you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies...

When you drink enough of my beer

When you read Faust...

When you're about to assassinate an infidel?

When you're chewing the great taste of Doublefresh gum

When your poor legs are stiff as a tree

Where are we gonna go?

Where are you going, Serling? Want some of this?

Where are you going? You're never gonna find the black market.

Where do you think you're going? I've defiled myself.

Where first lady Lois Griffin has graciously agreed to give a tour of her country. Tricia.

Where I'm a retired baseball umpire who opens a bar?

Where is he anyway?

Where the hell would I keep it? In my diaper? Get outta here, you hobo!

Where the hell's he goin'?

Where we hug and the music goes...

Where's Brian? Breakfast is getting cold.

Where's that picture of me in my two piece?

Which one does she let him kill?

Which one of you is Peter Griffin?

Which one of you is Peter Griffin?

Which would be called Quahog.

Which would make you... a communist!

Whichever bunny you think is better for shooting a guy in the head.

While he was stranglin' people with piano wire for the good of our nation?

While you ask me for this one and only favour,

Whining, insignificant wisp of fluff, she is.

Who are we kidding? You haven't made any progress.

Who are you callin' Uncle Tom?!

Who are you?

Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

Who brought him to shore and shared the vision of a new colony,

Who could resist the call of the mystery box?

Who do I see about a Section Eight?

Who I'm looking forward to meeting.

Who is this enchanting woman?

Who knows what animals have been in there?

Who lives there?

Who needs rocks when you got these?

Who said Marguerite? Peter, it's just for a week.

Who the deuce are you? No, I don't have any spare change.

Who the hell decided tulips were so great?

Who the hell is that? I bet he took it!

Who was in Atlantic City with Susan Sarandon,

Who was in White Palace with Kevin Bacon. There.

Who?

Who?

Who's gonna feed me and protect me from the evil monkey in my closet?

Who's got the big diapers? Huh?

Who's the Boss? Is not a food.

Who's the star?

Whoa ah! Argh!

Whoa ho ho ho ho ho!

Whoa ho ho!

Whoa ho!

Whoa, hang on. I gave you one of the ones with silverware in it.

Whoa!

Whoa! All hands on deck! I'm gettin' a boat!

Whoa! Be careful what you wish for, huh, Lois?

Whoo!

Whoops! A crack in the floor.

Whoops.

Whose idea was it to make the suit out of foam rubber?

Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Why are you here? The doctor said Peter was okay.

Why are you sittin' with the sheets over your head?

Why are you upset? I never even knew you liked boats.

Why are you...

Why are...

Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Why do I know that name? Damn you, Entertainment Tonight!

Why do women have boobs?

Why do women have boobs?

Why do you care so much about touring a stupid brewery?

Why does everyone always come out to me?

Why does that man drop his club before he runs around?

Why don't you boil some water and rip up some sheets there, Einstein.

Why don't you come back in about 17 years?

Why don't you give it a shot?

Why don't you go say hello?

Why don't you go up to bed and get some sleep, honey?

Why don't you have that doctor suck the fat outta your head?!

Why don't you just get another new car?

Why don't you put your hands right there?

Why don't you sit next to my baby...

Why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl?

Why don't you try a breath mint, saucy?

Why is my name Florida?

Why not do some sightseeing? If you leave Chris in my hands, the name Griffin

Why not?

Why not? It's totally safe. A lot of famous people have done it.

Why not? Our research shows that Meg is the least popular character on the show.

Why, that's the sickest boy I've ever seen!

Why? We barely know him.

Why? What happened?

Why? Why?

Why? You tried to kill me!

Why...

Will you excuse us?

Will you just tell us about Peter's tests?

Will you keep your voice down? You're embarrassin' him.

Willy Loman never made a lot of money,

Wink.

Winnin' a trophy at the expense of my husband's health?

Winning was only half the battle.

Wipes it on her blouse

Witch!

With all respect.

With Ben Affleck's butt.

With Doublefresh gum!

Without guns, how would our forefathers have settled their differences?

Won't you join us for dinner? Oh, no. I don't want to impose.

Wonderful use of tree bark for the age spots though.

Wonderful. And while we're at it, we can light up a doobie and watch porn.

Work of art? Or container of crazy purple knockout gas?

Workin' it, make me want it. Yeah!

Would that be OK?

Would you be a sport and fetch it for me?

Would you call me Mr Drummond?

Would you come back in a week, when my fat malcontent trap door will be completed?

Would you like a crumpet? I would, because I'm Winston Churchill.

Would you like to read it for the rest of the class?

Would you like to wear knickers? I would, because I'm W...

Wow, check out the rack on.... Mom?

Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?

Wow, I'm being interviewed by Diane Simmons!

Wow, it's the Pope!

Wow, look at all those stars.

Wow, perfect. My work is done.

Wow! And that's from the freakin' Pope!

Wow! I can't wait to tell my dad.

Wow! Joe, this sort of makes you like Larry from Three's Company.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. I bet you can see right through that.

Wow. I should really watch where I'm going.

Wow. I've never hugged a celebrity before.

Wow. Lois must've written the book on man pleasin'.

Wow. Thanks, Mean Joe.

Wow. Usually beautiful women don't turn back into you until after I'm finished.

Write this down, you toad faced frump. I love pancakes!

Wrong!

Yaaaagh!

Yahoo!

Yea, and God said to Abraham you will kill your son Isaac.

Yeah, a lot of memories here. Look, my first bike.

Yeah, a secret tunnel, like Hogan's Heroes. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?

Yeah, about that...

Yeah, and use up all the towels in the men's room.

Yeah, and we can build a mall so I have a place to hang out.

Yeah, and you even manage to humiliate me there.

Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone.

Yeah, do the Peter Griffin bump

Yeah, I fold. Hey, come on. Let's go home and get tender with your wife.

Yeah, I had the doctor look at that.

Yeah, I was terrified of askin' Phoebe Diamond to the prom.

Yeah, I'm here. And you can forget it. I've changed my mind.

Yeah, it rhymes. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?

Yeah, it's a real tragedy.

Yeah, it's Boston. See, look, there's Harvard.

Yeah, l remember. Hey, Cleveland. Hey, Quagmire.

Yeah, listen, don't help or anything. I'm totally fine.

Yeah, Lois, sorry I took your show away from you...

Yeah, me and Dad haven't missed a Gumbel 2 Gumbel yet.

Yeah, not a bad way to kick off your retirement, huh, Dad?

Yeah, she fIosses in bed, she snores Iike a wiIdebeest

Yeah, somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!

Yeah, sorry I didn't bring a gift, but the stores were mobbed.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

Yeah, that's Lois. Ah!

Yeah, that's where Anna goes to talk with her best friend, a penguin.

Yeah, the magic of baseball has brought fathers and sons together...

Yeah, those are lookin' good. Yeah. Manuel!

Yeah, well, it's in the basement. Come on, let's go see.

Yeah, when you use toad

Yeah, you'd better wise up

Yeah, you're a bad little car.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! All right!

Yeah! Come on!

Yeah! I've thought about it, like in church and stuff...

Yeah?

Yeah? Well, what d'you want?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And that's Connie.

Yeah. And there's a chair.

Yeah. Apparently you can do that.

Yeah. But don't tell anyone. The consequences could be dire!

Yeah. Everything's fine.

Yeah. He's Jesus. He can do anything. And look over here.

Yeah. How come he never visits us?

Yeah. I just got bounced by the Pope's road crew.

Yeah. I really do. I have a great life.

Yeah. I've never even seen Who's the Boss?

Yeah. It's a shame Grandma wasn't there to hear it.

Yeah. My white cell count.

Yeah. Now add a little turn and do a buck and wing.

Yeah. Of course he will. Dad's very...

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like that, don't you?

Yeah. Or maybe he'll tell some jokes about being a sucker.

Yeah. That felt good, dropping me on the couch like that.

Yeah. That little bastard sold me some bad crack.

Yeah. That's what happened to our big brother Jimmy.

Yeah. The whole town's talking about your show, Dad!

Yeah. Uh, about that. Uh...

Yeah. Well, you gu... you guys are stupid and ugly.

Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, I guess it's up to us as parents to be a part of the solution.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's nice.

Yeah. Yeah, you like that, don't ya?

Yeah. You know, come to think of it...

Yee, would your people really do this?

Yeller's my dog. I'll do it.

Yep. Just sits there all night and day, singin' about what he sees.

Yes, and from the look of those sweater cows, so can you.

Yes, and I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull. Now change me!

Yes, because together we can do anything, face any foe, overcome any obstacle.

Yes, charming. Like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac.

Yes, Chris. This is where babies come from.

Yes, Chris. Your father signed a contract,

Yes, good heavens. Who taught you how to eat? Mickey Rourke?

Yes, I just heard. It's so sad.

Yes, it seems she's, um... Oh, what did we figure out, dear? Was it one? No, two. Yes.

Yes, let's get the hell outta here. Thank you for a lovely time.

Yes, look at me! I'm a dirty, foul little boy!

Yes, Mr Griffin, even though no one else has any pillows now.

Yes, right. Right. Carol. Yes. That's right. How is Carol?

Yes, sir, Mr. Patterson.

Yes, smooth sailing through calm seas.

Yes, son, and there's no reruns or commercials...

Yes, that's it. That's quite good. Yes, l miss my mommy.

Yes, the fat man's going to Hell.

Yes, there is.

Yes, they will.

Yes, this is Meg Griffin. She's here to see the dean of admissions

Yes, we're checking in. The student's name is Peter Griffin.

Yes, well, I rather doubt that.

Yes, well, there are more important things in life than a piano competition.

Yes, yes, how delightful it will be.

Yes, yes, I got more of it on me than in me. Yes, that one never gets old, Lois.

Yes, yes, I rather like the sash. But do the Huggies make my ass look big?

Yes, yes. Come now. Chase the stick.

Yes, yes. I do seem to have gained a bit of girth.

Yes, yes. Requiem and terra pax, and so forth. Amen.

Yes, you can be the dumpy teenager who stays backstage and cries...

Yes, you do. Can we see it right now?

Yes! I am all about Larry over here!

Yes! I want to work! I want my job back!

Yes! Lock and load! Lock and load! Bring on the pain!

Yes! That's mine! Un freaking believable!

Yes! These are delectable.

Yes?

Yes? Just kidding, it's still me.

Yes. All work and no play makes Stewie a dull boy.

Yes. And for my first production, I've chosen The King and I.

Yes. I know how important your success is to your father.

Yes. I think we all know what that's going to be like.

Yes. I was hoping I could ask you about your neighbors, the Griffins.

Yes. I... Yes, I've also been known to answer to Artemis, Agent Buchwald and Snake.

Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really.

Yes. Mothers can be quite the botheration, can't they?

Yes. No. And, screw it. l resign.

Yes. That one looks like he's got some fight in him.

Yes. That's rich.

Yes. We all enjoy the Bible in this house.

Yes. Well. I suppose I walked right into that one.

Yes. Yes, I rather like "Snake".

Yes. Yes, I suppose that was rather funny, wasn't it?

Yes. Yes, it does make you a bad person.

Yes. Yes, it is.

Yes. Yes. I say, do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Yes. Yes. Yes, you'II... you'll get that one halfway back to your mat. Ha! Ha... Oh, God.

Yesterday, voters overwhelmingly declared...

Yo quiero pancakes!

Yo, Fresh? How do I get to Ronnie's party?

Yo, Ricki. That's my girlfriend. She ain't supposed to be having no penis!

You actually believe Lois had them inject you to make you healthy?

You all know my name, and I've never heard of any of you.

You and me at the Winter Snow Ball. Heh heh!

You and the robot go out into the wilderness and take this mincing paedophile with you.

You are a valued member of our business team

You are indeed worthy, for you have raised a fine son.

You are now my slave.

You are ruining our society and you should be ashamed!

You are so right.

You ask me out to the box social or whatever the devil it is you children do these days.

You bastards come into our village and kill our fish, pollute our water.

You bet I do! Because theater is alive

You bet we will.

You bitch!

You call the police, I'll write the ransom note.

You can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.

You can ask them not to kill Mom.

You can beat 'em with a sack of sweet Valencia oranges.

You can have the boat or the mystery box.

You can kiss your life goodbye

You can learn something from this fine young...

You can make sure that Stewie never goes hungry again.

You can probably get the DuMont Network on this thing.

You can talk!

You can trust us completely. My friend is too young to put a seed in your daughter's belly

You can write off medical stuff? If I'd known, I wouldn't have used a discount surgeon.

You can... burn in hell.

You can't be mad at your father for being himself.

You can't become a bloody fiscal hermit crab...

You can't dance, you can't sing

You can't die! Who's gonna take me to the Father Son dance?

You can't just bring company home at the last second without calling.

You can't print that! It'll compromise my entire investigation!

You can't take a step in this house without uncovering something historical.

You can't tell anyone I'm here. For if humanity discovers...

You can't tell me what to do. You're not my real mom!

You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know.

You convinced me to keep a job I hate just so you could fly free?!

You could kill any girls who are prettier than me.

You could kill Lois. No. One death isn't gonna do it.

You cured him?

You damn kids with your music.

You deserve better than this, Mom.

You did my whole day's work in five minutes.

You didn't think... You thought I was...

You don't care about me. It's my cookies! It's always been the damn cookies!

You don't have a Swiss bank account!

You don't remember what it's like to be my age!

You don't wanna spend your life wondering what could have been.

You dropped something.

You even taught me how to dance just in time for the prom.

You first.

You give me the scroll, and I make you head of sanitation services for the entire city.

You go to jail for defrauding a charitable organization.

You gonna eat that stapler?

You got a monkey workin' the spotlight. No, to the right, genius. Th there. Stop. Stop.

You got it, Dad. You can count on me to...

You gotta give up the toad now

You gotta help me. Teach me how to be a gentleman.

You gotta pick up that cherry with your butt cheeks and drop it in that beer.

You guys, I bet I can go up to each one of those scary looking bikers and say:

You guys? Chris' principal just called. Chris is in trouble.

You have a pretty good appetite there, kid. I bet you spend a lot of time in the john.

You have abandonment issues. Confront your mother and deal with this.

You have the trophy and my brain cells are just fine.

You have to be Death!

You have to do something that will get everyone's attention, something huge.

You have to go out there and do my job.

You have to keep those two boxes right next to each other?

You have to respect her!

You have too much talent for the stage.

You haven't been beautiful long, have you?

You increasingly attractive Looking woman.

You just don't give up, do you?

You just get going and it's News at Noon.

You just leave that to me.

You just need more extracurricular activities.

You kidnapped the Pope?

You kill them, or I kill you.

You knew about this?

You knew what this was.

You know Daddy.

You know how competitive you get.

You know I love you, but I have to admit there are times

You know I swore I'd never clean again. Not after Bounty dropped me as their spokesman.

You know it's illegal for women to drive.

You know what a pain in the ass it is to get across town, this time of day? Huh?

You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Tiger house.

You know what I'm gonna do when we get to shore? First, I'm gonna have a snack.

You know what I'm talking about? Bidibidibidi.

You know what it's like to be a teenager.

You know what that stuff does? Huh?

You know what? Here. It's yours. No, no, really. I insist.

You know what? I think I will.

You know what? There's no room in my car for your big, ugly purse.

You know what's really amazing?

You know your own husband, don't you?

You know, become infected.

You know, before I was married, I led a very exciting life.

You know, cos it was so itchy.

You know, he meant you're crazy like...

You know, I always thought he was sexy.

You know, I just bet there is.

You know, I never realised how smooth the skin between your acne is.

You know, I've never been to Europe.

You know, if I wasn't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me.

You know, it's odd, Janet, but when I'm with you, I... Oh, how do I describe it?

You know, just the usual stuff.

You know, like an adhesive. That's all he meant.

You know, like that Dom DeLuise.

You know, Rupert, the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary.

You know, some people think that dandelions are weeds,

You know, the usual. How about yours, my little sky princess? Bet it was excitin'.

You know, there's somethin' I always wanted to do, Brian,

You leave her to me.

You let me worry about that, kitten.

You lied to them!

You look spot on to me. Thank you. I try to work out.

You may call me ANNA.

You may think you're alone, but God's watching.

You mean because he's a borderline alcoholic?

You mean like Gina Gershon beautiful, or beautiful beautiful?

You mean this cheap little pen we have millions of back at the office?

You mean to tell me you stand here all day playing with dolls?

You might want to give that a minute or two.

You must be seeing things.

You must be the Griffins. Come in.

You must have the patience of a saint.

You must join us tomorrow for a game of baccarat.

You need an image! Let's take this Rhode Island lump of clay

You need to learn how to have a good time. Come on.

You never have to clean up the mess.

You never listen to me.

You never seem to be that interested in journalism or journalists, such as myself.

You OK there, Mr Crocodile? Huh?

You owe me for all that money I invested in your worthless son.

You people aren't like the communists they show on TV.

You people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!

You people understand every language except English!

You pretended Chris was dying to save a TV show?

You put some shiny hunk of metal before your own friendships.

You remember that short lived sitcom Fish?

You remember the other day you were asking me what the definition of irony was?

You said "nuclear". It's "nukular", dumb idiot. The S is silent.

You said it, pally. That's why l brought in the big guns.

You said you wanted everyone to know the rules of death apply.

You screwed it all up. Let me show you again.

You see what your lies have done? They think you're some kind of healer.

You see, Doc, my back tooth is killin' me.

You see? You see? This is exactly why people don't respect the WNBA.

You seize life by the throat and shake it like a topless bartender mixing a martini.

You should be a producer.

You should be out giving speeches, shaking hands, kissing babies!

You should be striving to thwart my noisome misdeeds.

You should marry someone you love. That's what I did.

You should pick up a chicken strip party pack for all your friends. Here's a coupon.

You should teach him some responsibility.

You should...

You should've heard them laughing at me.

You shoulda told me

You shoulda told me...

You shoulda told me...

You sit here, Brad. Stewie's it.

You sold our home?

You son of a..

You spent public money investigating this?

You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to 50 bucks.

You take the good, you take the bad...

You talk to Matt Lauer lately?

You taught me everything. Math, science.

You tell that man the truth!

You there, Bingo. It seems the naughty baby has made a messy poo in his...

You think G Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks

You think one of us stole it?

You told Child Services that we steal lawn mowers and cheat on our taxes...

You told me I came out of your vagina!

You took me away from a Swedish girlie girl...

You two go home. I can stay here as long as it takes.

You two should stop fighting and listen to each other.

You two, fight to the death!

You wanna arm wrestle? Come on, right now!

You want an explanation? God is pissed!

You want me to pick you up, sweetie?

You want me to shoot him twice in the head.

You want to be a star, don't you? Then take it off!

You want to be the director? Fine! I quit!

You wanted a bigger part, didn't you, sweetie?

You wanted me to sell tickets, right?

You watched it Iast night,

You were all working together just fine, but then you won that stupid trophy.

You were just talking in your sleep.

You were watching the boys again. It's that steward, the one who looks like Tab Hunter.

You will find this magic rule

You win this round, Lois.

You wish I loved you that much!

You! Bring me The Wall Street Journal!

You! Cameraman! Make sure you use that Cybill Shepherd filter.

You! Here in the back!

You! You are the worst thing to happen to musical theater...

You...

You...

You...

You... you wanted to see me, Mr Weed?

You... you've really let this family down. We should be embracin' the things God gave us,

You'd be amazed how little one eats when your legs don't work.

You'd give Dad a job, even knowing what a jerk he is?

You'd have a better life if she let you go.

You'd make more of a connection if you hugged her.

You'd need an egg calendar! Ha ha ha!

You'd think those bulldogs would invite him to their card game.

You'll be known far and wide

You'll be larger than life

You'll be tanked

You'll choke on your tongue and die

You'll drive drunker than Oksana Baiul

You'll find a friendly atmosphere brimming with personalised and expert service.

You'll find out.

You'll get chills

You'll have to get your fill somewhere else, you oatmeal raisin Ioving tart!

You'll love being famous, Meg, and this is the town to do it in.

You're a good dog, Brian. A very good...

You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all.

You're a great role model.

You're a helpless little carpet tinkler, aren't you?

You're a McDonald, not a whore.

You're a monster!

You're a monster.

You're a valued member of our business team and I will give you a raise tomorrow

You're acting like this is the first time I've ever done something stupid.

You're all hired to be full time Griffin servants.

You're all stupid. They're gonna be lookin' for army guys.

You're awful.

You're doing a great job, Muriel, and you're prettier than Mamie Van Doren.

You're excused from the test, you brave, brave boy.

You're fired!

You're gonna miss this one, young man.

You're good enough to tackle a Beethoven sonata!

You're holding drugs so someone will invite you to a dance?

You're in debt to the Mob. That means they can ask you to do anything

You're in God's house, you heathen!

You're just renting it from me

You're like the idiot from Shine!

You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you.

You're Luke Perry! You were great in Rain Man.

You're making me so hot.

You're missin' the point. Our blockade is turnin' Petoria into a Third World country.

You're missing the important thing here.

You're my silver medal.

You're not a Newport millionaire. I created you.

You're not a shoplifter. You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that, fatty fat fatty.

You're not being creative. You're just destroying a wonderful show.

You're not even trying any more, are you?

You're not fat, Chris, you just come from a long line of husky Griffins,

You're not helping. Look, don't come near the house. Go do somethin' else.

You're not killing anyone tonight, mister! Not on that ankle.

You're not the first person to do whatever it takes to win.

You're not welcome here. Go away!

You're not workin' hard, Peter. You're workin' smart.

You're one to talk.

You're really gonna try and seduce Luke Perry?

You're right! There's only one way out of this!

You're right. Man was meant to create. That's why God invented Shrinky Dinks.

You're right. You with me, big guy?

You're saying the only way to make the world right is for me to kill someone?

You're so corpulent that when you sit around...

You're so intuitive. It's a pleasure... Okay. Next!

You're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

You're the best.

You're the boss because you never give up, like with the ladies.

You're the filthy one. What do you say to that?

You're the most important character in this family.

You're the one with your hand up my backside.

You're the producer, remember?

You're thinkin' of the Mob in the movies.

You're Tom Tucker. I bet you can do this.

You're why cavemen painted on walls.

You've caused nothing but trouble.

You've gone soft on me, Holy Father!

You've got your interview.

You've just got the most important bill of all, a clean bill of health.

You've lost your mind! And I don't much care for Stewie's new friends.

You've sullied my factory and disobeyed my rules.

Young bachelors.

Your Aunt Marguerite is laughing at me while she's burning in Hell...

Your brother's okay.

Your culinary prowess is surpassed only by your unfailing grace

Your dad stinks.

Your dying wish is denied.

Your eggs are cut, sir.

Your family is going back to Quahog.

Your father is entitled to his opinion.

Your father is, uh... How can I say this without upsetting you?

Your father! Sometimes I don't think he'll be happy until he's completely paralysed.

Your father? He must be a man of at least 70.

Your HMO emailed it to me.

Your Holiness, this is such an honor.

Your honour, sir, we've come to ask...

Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.

Your only chance of surviving this scandal...

Your parents'll be home any minute. Are you sure you don't want me to clean up?

Your phone number.

Your place is here in the ice village. You know nothing of Hollywood and its ways.

Your Q rating's through the roof.

Your show? Peter, this is my show!

Your son? But you're just a baby yourself.

Your story? Wait a minute!

Your whole life will hit the skids

Yup. Or was it?

17.

40 or... Let's go.

1541. Michelangelo unveils the Sistine Chapel.

1886. Seurat completes La Grand Jatte.

1940. Georgia O'Keeffe paints a lot of flowers that look suspiciously like vaginas.

1111112.

1111113.

"A rose by any other name." That works. I like that a lot.

"And all..." Why don't you sing Itsy Bitsy Spider?

"Car". No.

"Carnation," "peony." No, they did that on last week's Marlowe.

"I think Mrs Griffin's hot." Go to your room.

"Iris," "rose"? What about "rose"? Did you say "rose"?

"Was"? You mean... Last year. She went real peaceful.

$1,000 says I live. $1,000, huh?

$180,000. $190,000.

A blanket. Potato salad.

A cat? A stereo?

A dead Lois? OK, we're gonna go with potato salad.

A flautist, Peter. Well, I hope you're happy.

A phone? A dead Lois?

A pool? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It is a pool.

A quitter never wins, and don't trust whitey. That's the spirit.

Aaah! Gotcha.

Aah! Mr Griffin, are you OK?

Aah! Was that for Party of Five too?

Absolutely not. How about you give me your pen?

Actually, I think I'm gonna be okay. Oh, Jack.

Actually, it's your mortal enemy, Stewie. What the...?

Ah, Lois. Aw.

Ah! Yeah!

Aha! Her eyes are green! Thank you for proving my point.

All I got was this wedding invitation. Wait a second, Peter.

All right, Mom! Are you gonna do it?

All right, Mom! Chris, get outta here right now!

All right, out back. No, Ma.

All right, you're all done, Alexis. What do you know?

All that running water. That's gotta be it! Mm hm.

All the great artists I knew took classes. Even Walt Disney?

And all the fresh apples you can eat. Oh, Peter, we found a new home.

And Greg became his slave? Yep.

And hungry. Well, we got plenty o' room here.

And I could be getting felt up by Kevin. Now don't you give it all away up front.

And I gave elocution lessons to Rosie Perez. That's nothing to be proud of.

And I'm of a different species. You're hired.

And Meg! Aah!

And some cinnamon. Oh! That's good too.

And that makes us our own country. What are you talking about?

And that's creative? Is it?

And that's my plan, Principal Shepherd. Well, Mr Griffin, I don't like it.

And this is Pembroke Quad. Oh, very nice. Very Brideshead Revisited.

And this is Stewie. What the deuce?

And turn it into the toast of New York! Ha, ha, ha! I love toast!

And your breasts don't reach your knees. Give it time.

Annihilating the entire planet. No!

Anus, are you still up? Yeah, come on in, sis.

Any bars on that street? 24 happy hours a day.

Any questions? Yeah, uh, I don't get it.

Anything! Relax, Cleveland, there is no Mob.

Anything? Ooh! Ooh!

Are you crazy? We'll take the boat. Not so fast, Lois.

Are you Peter Griffin? Yeah.

Are you playing Lady Thiang? I was supposed to be Anna.

Are you ready to..

Are you Sarah Connor? No, I'm Meg Griffin. I need to interview you.

Are you so selfish you can't see that? Yes, I am.

Are you...? Go to your room.

Aren't we? Unbelievable. Let's go.

Aren't you too young to be travelling alone? Aren't you too old to be wearing braces?

Aren't you too young to be travelling alone? Aren't you too old to be wearing braces?

Argh! Argh!

As you can see, Petoria has invaded US soil. What are our options?

Aw, jeez. Outta gas! Hey, Dad, look.

Aw, shut up, Cleveland. Wanna talk about it, champ?

Bazooka Joe? There you go.

Before the disaster, I was a physician. That's terrific. We need a doctor.

Bend down, Mother. Yes, honey?

Besides, you can't quit. You have a contract. Oh, yeah?

Betty, look who it is. Is that Brian?

Big Fat Paulie? How dare you?

Bobby. Good morning.

Bonnie. Lois.

Brian, are you OK? OK? Ha ha!

Brian, at least you're Ioyal enough to stay. I've stuck by you through worse.

Brian, how'd it go? Well, I think I have a bit of "me" work to do

Brian, is that you? Uh, yeah, it's me.

Brian, put a mask on. I have an announcement.

Brian, tell me about Lois. Lois. Well, she's a fantastic woman.

Brian, wait. Maybe we should stick with the group.

Brian, what are you doing? Hi, Lois. I was just washing some things.

Brian. Oh, God.

Bring pride to our village! Send firewood!

But at least I can give 'em a pool. Um... I say.

But I remember it so... It was a dream!

But I'll give him that kiss. You suck!

But I'm feeling things, and that's a start. Oh, that's wonderful.

But Mom... Meg, I think all my children are beautiful.

But that doesn't sound right. Are you givin' me lip, boy?

But that's only makin' it worse. There's a reason I'm in charge here.

But this kind of behaviour can't be tolerated. Agreed.

But what happened? Go to your room!

But, Dad... Upstairs!

Bye, Dad! Don't wait up! Whoa!

Bye. Where you goin'?

Can I be a reporter? I don't know, Meg.

Can we go soon? Not yet.

Can we go? Fine.

Can we please just drop it? It's just not fair.

Can you guess what it is? Is it "kitty"?

Can you help me with these damned studs? Aren't you a little overdressed?

Can't touch me I believe that's the "Worm".

Can't touch me What in God's name is he doing?

Can't you just please... My God! Somebody's stealing my water.

Can't you leave the past where it belongs? What's wrong with you?

Careful, Joe. Kiss off! Yeah!

Charles, he's only six months old. Honey, would you relax?

Check back in two weeks. Two weeks?! But I have a baby at home!

Check it out! Wow!

Chris, who are you talking to? Grandma.

Chris! Hey! You guys made it!

Cleanup on aisle three! I got it! Peter, where's Chris?

Cleveland. Joe.

Cleveland. Lois.

Come on, Cleveland Junior. Come to Peter.

Come on, I'm buyin'. Oh, yeah.

Come on, let go. Why, you soulless witch!

Come on, she's my best friend's wife. Mm hm.

Come on, Skinny! Make me laugh! Peter, that's a microphone stand.

Come on! Come on! Go, Suitor! Get busy!

Come on! Come on! Hello, is this the...

Come sit with me. Oh, OK.

Congratulations, Lois. For what?

Cookie? Of course you can have a cookie! Stay there.

Cool! He's bleeding! Just like in the movies!

Cos I'm fat. Oh, honey, no one thinks you're fat.

Could it mean "sexy"? I think it's a science term.

Could not! Could too!

Could you pass me the oar, N word Jim. Thank you.

Could you... could you help me do it, Brian? Sure. I'd be honoured.

Crazy travel conditions. First class and no class.

Cut it and tint it green, the colour of money. And boogers!

Da Vinci? Who?

Dad, get away from me. Connie is looking. So that's toad girl, huh?

Dad, I'm itchy! I'm itchy! Out of my way, wide load!

Dad, you're pretty! Like a girl! You look like a totally different person.

Dad! Dad, look! That's great, Chris.

Daddy, can I come with you? Ask your mother.

Dammit! Get outta that nuclear waste.

Damn it, Brian. Do not cry. I'd like to pet you, Brian.

David Schwimmer? Yeah. Hey

Deal. Yeah!

Dharma, come down from that couch. Uh uh, goofy. Why don't you come up?

Did I not pack my towel? Are you listening? I'm trying to help.

Dinner? Sure.

Do I hear $100? $5? Oh, come on.

Do I Khrushchev? Did somebody say Khrushchev?

Do I... do I hit him? No!

Do we still have that pregnancy test? Are you insane? You can't have a baby.

Do you accept bits of string? Sorry. Store policy.

Do you have food? No, that's why we're on the road.

Do you listen when you talk? I drift in and out.

Do you mind? As a matter of fact, I do, you crazy broad.

Do you wanna see more? Yes, please.

Don't I at least get a Chumbawamba song? Oh, fine.

Don't worry, I'd do everything to you. What?

Don't you read the papers? He's gay. You can't just print lies.

Dude, you gotta try this. Not even! It's got your germs on it.

Eight miles that way? Yes.

End of discussion! Thank you for ruining my life!

Enslave the human race. Behind the fat chick!

Especially to you. I'm sorry, Chris. That's OK, Dad.

Everything seems so different. Really?

Ew! It's everywhere! It's OK. Meg, hand me my sweater.

Excluding that first "Ha". You're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes.

Excuse me, Mayor? How do you know my language?

Excuse me, sir. I haven't even... That one was hilarious.

Excuse me. Some of us are here to learn. No one's talkin' to you, Albania.

Fascinating story, Tom. It sure is, Diane.

Fine. Why not just drop a bomb on him? What about that, Eleanor?

Fish out of water! Aw!

Five Seasons hotel. Hey there. You mind if I share a ride?

Forget it, Peter. You don't have a chance. Yeah. You never win anything.

Get a hold of yourself! Ow! Peter, you're supposed to hit Brian!

Get a hold of yourself! Ow! Peter, you're supposed to hit Brian!

Give me the damn phone! Little fella's asleep,

Glad to have you back, Peter. Lois, less talky, more fetchy.

Glen, would you mind holding Stewie? Said and done.

Gloria, this is my life partner Lois. I'm his wife.

Go ahead, kid. Try it out. Um, excuse me.

Go on, hot wire it. Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.

Go on. Take it. Wait over there.

Go, Suitor! Go, Suitor! Cherry! Cherry! Cherry!

Go, Suitor! Go, Suitor! Get busy! Get busy!

Go! Who said that? Mm?

God, it's like movin' a futon. Lois!

God! You're such a wannabe loser. Oh, yeah? If I'm such a loser,

Good morning, Joe. Peter, what are you doin' in my pool?

Good morning. l'm Tom Tucker. And l'm Diane Simmons.

Good times and bad. So?

Goodbye. Ah, damn it.

Great party, Griff. Girls, you know Jimmy Caan.

Great story, Meg. Oh, thanks!

Great to be thin. Yup.

Guess who? Stop it, Chris.

Guys, we need to make some guns. Guns? Guns only lead to trouble.

Halt. Uh oh.

Happy birthday! I can't believe it! Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe!

Have a seat up front. Well, that's more like it.

Have you been drinkin'? Why, yes, I have. Thank you.

He found it! Oh, my God!

He has a wife and son. So what?

He needs you to help him exercise. He figured out how to catch the Twinkie.

He'd still be in that dump in Quahog. That "dump" is our home.

He's an idiot! Mama, what's wrong with you?

He's gonna be joinin' us for dinner. Really? What a nice surprise.

He's gonna kill me. He loved that lasso.

He's putting his arm on my armrest. It's my armrest.

He's wearing a wire! What? You son of a...

Hear, hear! Where's Quagmire?

Hello, dumb dumb. Not now, Gazoo. I wanna be alone.

Hello, Luke. Uh, have we met?

Hello! Hey, Quagmire.

Hello? Over here.

Hello. Say, get the hell off...

Hello. What is that on your ear?

Help me! Go on. No boys allowed.

Here I am. Sorry, I... Camera two.

Here. Use this head lamp. Hey, where's the kids?

Here's some chocolate, fatso. Thanks!

Hey, Brian, flea collars are on sale. Too many chemicals.

Hey, Chris, aren't you comin' in? Can I swim with my shirt on?

Hey, great shot, Cleveland Junior. Thanks, Mr Drummond.

Hey, Joe, can you keep an eye on the place? I might as well. I'm melted to the ground.

Hey, Lois! What?

Hey, look at this. What?

Hey, look! Oh, those are the Chumbawambas.

Hey, man, cool specs. Thanks, G.

Hey, Meg, wanna ditch and go to the mall? Sure! See ya, Lando.

Hey, neighbours! Where's your boat? We didn't take the boat.

Hey, Peter, what's up? Not much.

Hey, son, how'd you like to be a coke mule? Peter, living room?

Hey, Stewie, how's the weather up there? Very fair... like our prices.

Hey, thanks for comin'. Oh, what a horrible night.

Hey, that's not art

Hey, wait, wait, wait! Come back here! What?

Hey, what are you doin' in my locker? Your locker?

Hey, what's that sound? You're urinating!

Hey, what's wrong, kid? My dad doesn't care about me any more.

Hey, where's the mayor's office? Last door on the left.

Hey, you guys. Peter, guess what? I am gonna...

Hey, you, the news is on

Hey! I had the worst day.

Hey! Hey, pull my finger. My pleasure.

Hey! Hey! What... Ow! Knock it off! Huh?

Hi, Chris. You know my name?

Hi, honey. How was school? Just great.

Hi. Welcome to... Ha ha ha ha! Very funny!

Hi. Welcome to... Ha ha ha ha! Very funny!

Home? You know, for dinner. Oh, yeah? What are we havin'?

Honey, are you pregnant? No.

Honey, they're good for you. Oh!

Honey, you're overreactin'. Will you please just listen to me for once?

Honk, honk. OK, that's it!

How am I funny? I dunno know. You say funny things.

How could Dad do this to me? Aw, honey, he wasn't doing it to you.

How could you do this to Meg? Not now, I gotta write about Oliver Twist.

How old are you? Old enough to know you're a whore.

How was the cast party? We're a hit.

How'd you get him to come? With this.

Huh, look at this. Some kind of plastic root. There's no such thing as a plastic root.

Huh. See, we're Catholic, so... Then you want You're a Naughty Child

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup hup! Hup! Hup!

Hyah! Hyah! Come on, Old Paint! I can feel the bones in your ass!

I can paint scenery. Can I be in the show, Mom?

I can't believe this! I feel sick.

I can't do it. Yes, you can.

I can't do it. Yes, you can.

I can't work this way. I quit! Fine.

I dare say you'll find it quite in ruins. What?

I did it! I got a great story. So, what did your editor say?

I don't have any hams. Lift up your shirt, son.

I don't know what you're talking about. Aw, come on, you know, the don.

I don't know. I thought you wanted to do a good show?

I don't know. I thought you wanted to do a good show?

I don't know. Lois, look at me

I don't know. Well, have you asked him?

I don't shower. Oh, that's what that is.

I don't want to be a bother. It's no bother, is it, Lois?

I dunno. "Apple". No. Give up?

I dunno. It's so dark. Yes, but it doesn't show dirt.

I got 600 bucks. I got 850.

I just need some time to think, all right. Yes, you've got lots to think about.

I know I won't. You never did it in the first place.

I know this whole trip has been a mess. Well, it hasn't been all bad.

I like you. You... like me?

I love Luke Perry. Meg, you're wasting your time.

I love you so much. This sucks.

I love you. I love you too.

I mean, uh... I can't see you any more. What are you talkin' about? You're my son.

I mean, you were already healthy. Oh, God! You're right.

I need more talent juice. Another beer already?

I promise, it'll never happen again. I hope not, Mrs. Stevens.

I said "May I have a blanket?" Oh, yes. Of course.

I said I can do it. Hey, shut up!

I said shut up! Oh, by the way, nice rap.

I say, there's a plane. If there's a plane, there's probably a pilot.

I sort of put a hit out on ya. How could you put a hit on me?

I suggest we start with political sanctions. Good, gentlemen.

I swear to God, Peter... You call her Lois.

I think you've had about enough. Well, I... I think you're wrong,

I think you've had about enough. Well, I... I think you're wrong,

I thought you might say something like that. Well, you do have it coming.

I wanna see the money. You don't see the money till I see the stuff.

I want you to leave immediately! Oh, come on!

I was the most popular girl at the dance. Oh, anything for you, sweetheart.

I was the one who could talk. Brian! Come on in!

I wasn't yelling. I was just sayin' that... Oh, you would bring that up.

I would like a "bunny". What kind of "bunny"?

I... I can't imagine. You gotta find out for sure.

I... I can't! Peter, talent doesn't disappear just like that.

I... I think we should talk. Sure.

I'll be fine. All we have to do is blend in. No problem.

I'll be in shortly. We've gotta do something.

I'll be up in a minute. OK.

I'll bring you your own juice. Agh!

I'll eat it when I'm ready. Hi!

I'll give you $5,000. What do you say? I say...

I'll go talk to the principal tomorrow. Thanks, honey.

I'm 13. Still a minor, huh?

I'm Chris. Eviscerate the proletariat.

I'm Ed Bradley. I'm Lesley Stahl.

I'm goin' over there. I'm gonna... No, no.

I'm going to kill you anyway. No, please... don't!

I'm gonna go over there and punch her. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna need these by Friday. Will that give us enough time to...?

I'm good. Oh, how fun. And it's for a good cause.

I'm looking for toilet training books. Yes, we can help you there.

I'm Morley Safer. I'm Mike Wallace.

I'm not here to impress you. Am I, Dad? Did I say you could rest yet?

I'm so proud of you. Oh, Daddy, thank you so much!

I'm sorry. Come again? You're not entitled to a refund.

I'm sorry. I can't find your paperwork. Look harder! I want my baby back!

I'm taking Stewie with me again. Fine, sweetie.

I'm talkin' about the mob hit. Mom's gonna get whacked?

I'm the proprietor of this delicatessen. Butt out, shlomo. All I need is your address.

I'm Tom Tucker. And I'm Diane Simmons.

I'm with my husband. Lose the zero, get with the hero.

I'm... I'm sorry. Ooh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I've been dry for two weeks now. Mazel tov.

I've never been to the Empire State Building. Boy, we're a pair.

I've taken you for granted. Get a room!

If you spent less time fixing your hair... No, Lois. I'm late late!

If you touch it, the mother won't take it back. Allez oop!

In Soviet Russia, road forks you. Boy, is that gettin' old.

Intense. Passion.

Is anything missing? No. I don't think so.

Is Dad mad at me? Oh, he just doesn't understand.

Is everything OK? Yeah, I just... I couldn't sleep.

Is it on the machine? I erased it.

Is she dead? She's still alive...

Is that it? No, this is it,

Is there a problem back there? You bet your funny accent there is!

It just has a drawing of an engine. But it only had one previous owner.

It smells like... Clean my pee!

It tastes pretty good to me... Whoa! Oh, my God! What the hell's happening?

It'll help me relax. OK, buddy.

It's already been invented. Then how come I never heard of it?

It's cheerin' for the home team. It's catchin' the perfect wave

It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. Meg, can you change Stewie?

It's just noodle caboodle. Hey, what are these hard things?

It's not too late to have the hit called off? Yeah.

It's the cops! Run!

James Bond. I'll take it.

Jason Gallagher. Present.

Jimmy, make yourself at home. Hey, thanks

Jimmy, what happened? Yes, Jimmy. What happened?

Joe, look to the right. It's the Griffins. We're nautical now, baby.

Jump! Trust us. We love you! We'll catch you.

Just "Me llamo Brian". Oh, you speak English.

Just kidding. Is Muammar here? Yeah, he's over there with Saddam.

Just my desire to see you happy. Oh!

Just say something, please! Oh, for God's sake.

Just slide your leg over... Peter, please! Oh. Oh, no, no. Oh! Oh!

Kate, this is my new discovery, Christobel. My name's Chris.

Kevin? He lives next door.

l also miss colic and rectal thermometry. Whatever you say, Mama's boy.

Land mines? Land mines.

Left turn ahead. Spanish.

Leslie or something like that would be nice. Shut up! Just shut up!

Let me handle this. Peter, I thought we were a team.

Let's get him outta here! Throw him out!

Let's go get a milkshake. You got it, Mr Drummond.

Let's go, Meg. See, Meg?

Let's roll! I'm with ya, Dad.

Let's see if they fit, hm? Never! Eugh.

Let's... We'll take the box.

Let's... We'll take the box.

Like that, huh? Get away from me, you dead crooner.

Like to sit a spell? Actually, we are tired.

Listen, thanks for the... Uh, Peter, I'm kind of busy.

Logan, let's go. I can't.

Logan! You son of a bitch! You think I'd miss this party?

Lois, let me handle this. Peter, this car has dents in it.

Lois, what day is it? Thursday.

Lois! What? Oh. Brian. I was...

Lois? Oh. Hello, Alexis.

Lois? Over here. I'm chopping carrots for a salad.

Lois. Alexis.

Lois. Gimme a penny, You're not gonna throw it over the edge?

Lois. Hi, it's Brian. Let me talk to her.

Look, I said I'd handle it, and I did. I suppose you did.

Look! Central Park! There's the Empire State Building!

Looks like someone's in love. Ha! That's so funny I forgot to laugh.

Loretta, why don't you try slapping Diane? I think I can do that.

Loser says "what". What?

Love her? No, of course not.

Love. Jealousy.

lsn't that right, Milli? No, it's just as good.

Luke Perry is suing us? Dad, how could you do this to me?

Luke! Time for dinner! In a minute, babe.

Magnificent. Up, up. Stewie wants to go uppie.

Mapplethorpe? Not just photography? Oh, no. Early on he did caricatures.

Marco. Polo!

Marco. Polo!

Maybe if you loosened my chains? We tried that, remember, honey?

Maybe it fell. Yeah. Right into someone's pocket.

Maybe we should put him in daycare. Lois, his answers are out on the open road.

Meg, how did you get these tickets again? Let's bring them up right now.

Meg, put your bib on. I don't wanna wear a bib.

Meg, wanna dance? I was here first. Meg, dance with me?

Meg! Oh, Mom!

Meg! She'll be OK.

Meg. Your wife.

Mom, can I get lipo too? Forget it, Meg.

Mom, can you sign this for my field trip? Sure, sweetheart.

Mom, how come all your students suck? I don't know, honey.

Mom, I'll do it after... Chris finished his homework.

Mom, I'll do it after... Chris finished his homework.

Mom, what are you doing? I love slumber parties.

Mom? Oh, my God, no!

Monatti? Antonio Monatti? You've heard of this man?

Moron. Ooh, Mr Snippy.

Moving on. What about "tulip"?

Mr Berler's coming! Oh, man, we are so busted!

Mr Griffin! I'm sorry. That came out wrong.

Mr Griffin? Oh, my God.

My first choice was Meg Griffin. What?

My name's Brian. I was born here. Sorry, son. Lots of dogs been born here.

My son Chris is dying! Holy crap, no! Oh, my God!

My therapist's figured out my problem. What does Sigmund Fraud think it is?

My what?! Nothing.

My wife is very ill! Yes, do you mind?

Neil, would you...? I would be honoured.

Never mind. Does this girl love you back?

Next. Aw, crap.

Nice ass. You haven't heard a word I've said.

Nice goin', Peter. Yeah. Up yours.

Nice. Oh, I don't have time for this.

No calls! It's about a dying boy.

No one can land this plane. I can.

No, don't! I just ran out.

No, it couldn't be me. I just farted. Oh.

No, it doesn't. Mine smells like soda

No, just that first speech and this one. You're kidding, right?

No, what time is it? It's time for you to get your groove back.

No! Oh, this has gotta stop.

No! Stewie! The first born son.

No. Accepted.

No. Just read it, lardo.

No. Yes, it is.

Nope? D'oh!

Not my seed! But from the look of your pupils,

Not the... Outrages, yeah. I think we got it.

Nothing happened. No, the bird came when Meg whistled.

Nothing. Let's go. Go where?

Now get outta here, you losers. What about the foreign guy?

Now we have a real problem to deal with. That's right!

Now, apologise. The hell I will.

Now! OK.

Number 34. Three four. Right here.

Oh, boy. "Never go back." But I went everywhere.

Oh, can I have a piece? Granted.

Oh, Catwoman? Peter, no Catwoman today. I'm tired.

Oh, far be it from me to call you a liar. Huh?

Oh, for God's sake. Hurry up.

Oh, God! That kill me?

Oh, God. Or you could be an outside dog.

Oh, God. What have I done? I'm not marrying you.

Oh, hey, Clevemire. That's Quagland.

Oh, I like Matt. Me, too.

Oh, Janet, our future is so bright. Cookie?

Oh, joy unbounded! I'll feed it and take care of it!

Oh, looks like somebody's hungry. Wah! Wah!

Oh, my God, our car! Man, am I glad I caught you.

Oh, my God! Relax, Brian, it's just a trick.

Oh, my God! That's right, all dead.

Oh, my God! Are you Stephen King? No, I'm Dean Koontz.

Oh, my God! George! Did you not hear me out there?

Oh, my God! No! It's true. The final scroll has been recovered.

Oh, no! What is it?

Oh, now you've gone and upset the boy. Peter, this is a new chapter in my life.

Oh, Peter. Lois.

Oh, Peter. That's awful. Is this your wife?

Oh, Peter. I love you. About a quarter past five.

Oh, sorry I'm late, Mr... Here.

Oh, there's Kate Moss. Where? I don't see her.

Oh, this is it, pal. We're goners. Peter, I've really cherished our friendship.

Oh, yeah? Him and what army? The US Army.

Oh, yeah? Watch this. No!

Oh, yeah. I want an explanation, mister.

Oh, yes, Satan. I'm sorry, Lois. The hit's still on.

Oh, yes. He's on in an hour. Where's the nearest liquor store?

Oh, you got that right! But I demand access to it on weekends.

Oh! Careful. You don't get dental for 60 days.

Oh! Careful. You don't get dental for 60 days.

Oh! Argh! Argh!

Oh! Argh! Argh!

Oh. I'm sorry

OK, let's go. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry, Meg's friends.

OK. Argh!

OK. See you, Chris. This is none of my business,

OK. What? Do that Katharine Hepburn impression.

Okay, honey? Deal.

Old Yeller, did I get a call from Tony? Oh, yeah.

One minute to curtain, Jewel. Jewel! Jewel!

Only one. But... but that man over there got two.

Our tickets were in the bags. Flight 85 to Providence is now departing.

Over here, Junior. Come on.

Ow! Damn! Usually my malcontents are skinnier.

Ow! Ah, jeez! Lois, what is that? Acid? You guys are ruining my life!

Ow. Ha, ha! You drink.

Peter, did you get a new buttocks? I had to. My old one had a crack in it.

Peter, do you mind if Kevin and I...? Nail Chris? He'd be thrilled.

Peter, I stayed at my mother's that night. Oh.

Peter, I wouldn't... Wow! That's incredible.

Peter, I'm not drinkin' this. OK, OK. All right, all right.

Peter, it's not a contest. Well, it was back then.

Peter, it's OK. Yeah?

Peter, it's seven in the mornin'. Thanks for the update, Big Ben.

Peter, no! Now you're being brainless.

Peter, that just happened ten minutes ago. Who cares? I bet nobody took the boat.

Peter, that's enough! Eats babies,

Peter, wait till... Sha... shaargh!

Peter, what's wrong? Huh. That obvious?

Peter, why are you so... Get out! This is a part just for the men

Peter, you know I never drink. Just like you never dodged the draft?

Peter, you're, uh... Brian, put the tea on. I have stories.

Peter! Agh!

Peter! l didn't say that.

Peter! Lois!

Peter! Look, don't worry. I got it all worked out.

Peter! Mr Griffin, please.

Peter! Sorry.

Peter! Take that! Take that!

Peter! You think this is easy?

Peter. Please, you gotta do me one more favour.

Peter... Oh, my God! The new video! Life is sweet!

Please? We're off on the road to Rhode Island

Plus... it's a shanty. And you get to pick your own lobster.

Practisin'? What for? The competition.

Public drunkenness, grand theft auto. You left out the part where

Quagmire. Peter.

Quagmire. Peter.

Really? Absolutely.

Really? Peter.

Really? Why don't you do what supermodels do?

Really? Yeah. It's just what I need to clear my head.

Really? You're not just sayin' that? No, no. It's all Lois.

Rembrandt? Who?

Remember? Oh, my God. That reminds me.

Right, Stewie? What's that? Yes. I love crack.

Rita Rudner funny. Yeah, Rita Rudner funny.

Room service! We didn't order no room service.

Ruin it? Yes.

Say something about my mother! Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

Say something. What?

Say that again. The car was a steal.

See you at home. But Dad...

See, look, my thumb is fine. I'm talking about that!

Sex with another man. Whoa! Look, if you're gay, that's cool.

She means your nipples are stickin' out. Mom!

She's still talking. I don't get it. I poured it in her drink.

Shoot. What happens if he's not really dying?

Sir, I need a decision. Uh, uh...

Sir, you look familiar. Yeah, I'm that guy you wish you were.

Six... five... four... Hold on tight.

So did the white light. Oh, honey!

So we'll solve this problem. Wait. You mean, together?

So what do you think? I think you're very sensitive

So, do we have a deal? Let's shake on it.

So, Lois is the problem, huh? Yeah, but it's not her fault.

So, uh, any problems? No, everything's fine, Doctor.

So, what? I had sex with you for nothing? No, Peter, I...

So? So we ask him to call off the hit.

So? So we can ask him for a favour.

So? So...

Some other time, pal. There won't be any other time.

Son, this duffel bag is only half zipped. Where you goin'?

Sorry, Chris, the plant can't come. It's his best friend.

Sorry, I overslept. Yes, well, do you want breakfast?

Sorry. We have to keep this brief. Why are we here?

Steve, do something. Brenda, we've been over this.

Stewie and Brian are taking a train home. Can we not discuss curtains for a second?

Stewie, is that you? Lois, my mind's made up.

Stewie! Hello, Janet. How about a push?

Stewie! Hello, Janet. How about a push?

Sure is hot. And it just got hotter.

Sure is, except for Randy Newman. Randy Newman?

Sweet! I'm gettin' an Audi! I have an "inny".

Sweetie? You married a total jerk!

Take a right. Then a left. Brick wall! Yargh!

Take it off there, Luke. Wiping it off, Boss.

Take it, dog! We're quite a pair of partners

Ten per cent off your first purchase. No, thank you. We're not from the area.

Ten... nine... eight... seven... This is it.

Thank you for meeting us here. Cigarette? Peter.

Thank you, Peter. Go ahead, try it on.

Thanks, Spider Man. Everybody gets one.

Thanks! Hey! Hey! Listen to this.

That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful!

That thing? That thing? Oh, oh, you mean that growth.

That was wonderful. Who said that?

That's 30. Hit me.

That's a fine machine, Peter. Peter, how can we afford this?

That's a lie. OK. Sorry.

That's amazing! Oh, thanks.

That's amazing! Oh, thanks.

That's great! That's a good one. That's what they're for!

That's the last of 'em. Good riddance.

That's why we got him the lasso. Yeah.

The captain of the Mafia. Peter, there is no such thing as the Mafia.

The filing is done, Mr Griffin. Thank you, Miss Ironbox.

The filing is done, Mr Hanson. Thank you, Miss Ironbox.

The Griffin family. Suckers.

The ladder's right here. Thanks, Pa.

The passengers need me. They're watchin' the movie. They're fine.

The safety word is banana. I love you.

There was... Hi.

There's a baby in that refuse bin. Not too close, Barnaby.

There's a hot dog cart! Chris, don't spoil your appetite.

There's enough food to last us for ever. We're saved. You were right.

There's nothing wrong with me. Too bad you're not dying.

These things never get 'em completely dry. Where's Stewie?

They don't respect you. What do you mean?

They live here with me. Hey, Pat. Where's the wheelchair ramp?

They look like pepperonis. Who do you think you are?

They're in the carpet! Got one over here!

Thirsty? No.

This is all for the sake of art, right? Don't start with me, Brian

This is hot. Turn around.

This is my son. Oh. My apologies.

This isn't over. If you're looking for your Dostoevsky,

This one's unlocked. An SUV?

This time without winking. The car was a steal.

Time for your immunisations. You might wanna hold him.

To what? To the poison you just drank!

Tom? Thanks, Diane.

Touch. Forever

Trying to watch the History Channel. Try it again.

Twinkees? Yeah, I saw a story about 'em on A&E.

Ugh! Move. I have a lot of work to do. I can't, I'm stuck.

Uh huh. I was afraid of that. Try the green and blue.

Uh, hi. Well, hello, Brian.

Uh, I don't think so, pal. Oh, my God, I know you!

Uh, Miss Stratford? Come in, Mr Griffin. Don't be nervous.

Uh, Peter, I think it's time for plan B. Way ahead of you, Brian.

Uh, Reggie Jackson. OK.

Uh, that was Tom Cruise. Not in this movie theatre it wasn't.

Uh, you were making a point, John? Yes.

Uh. Yeah. Lois. Lois. Please. Move it over. Try to the...

Uh... You called me, right?

Uh... pretty much, yeah. You know what this means.

Um, Ph Ph Phoebe? Yeah?

Um... I can't. OK, finish up and then come out.

Very good, Peter. First, I will return Joe's pool.

Wake up. What? Ah!

Wanna go crap on the Statue of Liberty? I've lived my life here and never been there.

We apologise for the hijacking. Ah, that's OK.

We are your servants. It's a miracle!

We can't do The King and I without Anna. Yeah. This is a real snafu.

We did? Yeah.

We have a picture of Luke Perry vomiting. That's no good.

We have to get the hell out of here! Motel manager.

We must kung fu fight! So be it, ANNA.

We need to talk. Not now. The show's about to start.

We played Pictionary with them! Bastards!

We weren't doin' what you're thinking. I was.

We'll never fear or cry That's right!

We'll take any bid. Here!

We're goin' to Natick. For what?

We're gonna do some toad. You in? You're gonna do toad?!

We're not having dinner. Then be quiet.

We've built schools and hospitals. Not to mention the theatre.

Welcome to the Big Apple, fella. Just make sure

Well, hi there. Good day, shopkeep.

Well, it just makes me sad. It makes me sad too, but, uh, you know.

Well, it's about time. Well, this is odd.

Well, somebody's jealous. Have you forgotten about Chris?

Well, thank God that's over. Yeah.

Well, what do you want? Nothing. I just called to talk.

Well... we could get hammered. Oh, it's too early for me, but you go ahead.

Wh what the devil are you doing here? Billiam sent me.

Wha wha...? Stewie's covered with fleas!

Wha... wha...?! What the devil? It's OK, Stewie.

What about "daisy"? "Chrysanthemum"!

What about me? You?!

What about my interview? Mayor West asked me to give you this.

What are you gonna ask the don for? World peace.

What are you gonna do now? I don't know.

What can I do for you? I'll tell you what you can do.

What did you do? Oh dear, there are so many people to thank.

What did you just call me? I... I thought that was your name.

What did you just say? Hey, Lois... Did you pee in here?

What happened to your friends? My family scared them away.

What is this? Is that...? Four seconds.

What makes you think I'll talk now? This.

What the deuce? Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie

What the hell are you doing? Takin' down the Christmas decorations.

What the hell is this? French toast.

What the hell? Okay.

What the...? Hi. You guys have any Cheese Doodles?

What was in those needles? I've already said too much.

What was that? Nothing!

What was that? Nothing.

What you thinking about? What do you mean? You called me.

What? For God's sake, feed me!

What? I didn't do it.

What? I say he dead.

What? I've never encountered anything like this,

What? It doesn't show dirt.

What? It's for a school project.

What? No, nothin'. This is nice.

What? OK, time out.

What? Please, sir, I want some more.

What? Shh!

What? Thanks. Hey, Chris.

What? It's my yard. Sorry, Your house is too close to the kerb.

What? They can't do that! Peter, the man is obviously unbalanced.

What's goin' on? It seems Joe has found the first scroll.

What's on your mind, Petie? Look, uh, we can't be friends any more.

What's that supposed to mean? Well, I mean, you know, like...

What's that? Oh, that's my son Chris.

What's the big deal? Lemme tell you about it, stud.

What's with you, Logan? You look like hell. He just watched his wife and kid

Whatever happened with your lady friend? We decided to stay good friends.

Where are the bags? What do you mean, they're right here...

Where does it say that? In my noodle.

Where shall we sit? That's not up to me, kid.

Where's the don? The don?

Where's your father? He's still down in the basement.

Which, by the way, I'm wearing. Oh, I hate what you've become!

Who are you? The guy whose car you just slammed into!

Who are you? We're the Griffins.

Who craps inside his pants How dare you?

Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ? Yes.

Whoa! Where do you think you're goin'? America!

Whoah, easy, Pontiff. Because I'll excommunicate your sorry...

Why did we get off here? My mother lives in Austin.

Why don't I just call off the hit? Oh. Yeah, that could work.

Why don't you get him a job or somethin'? Whoa. Freeze fame.

Why is he freaking out like that? He's having an hallucination from the fever.

Why, yes, I dare say that's the fellow. Oh, let's get him.

Why? What do they say? I think we're through here.

Will be as well known as Kandinsky. Who?

Will you call me "Big Rudy" when you do? No.

Will you sign my ass? You have a pen?

Wipe it off, Nine. Waving at the Pope here, Boss.

Witch! She's a witch! Witch!

Work's not supposed to be fun. Why not?

Would you like to see her? "See her"? I don't understand.

Wow! Diane Simmons! You don't look anything like the ad.

Wow! Miss December! Yep, the old skin bin.

Wrong! The ugly one! Hey, Peter.

Y2K. Are you sellin' chicken or sex jelly?

Yeah, "rose." "Rose" is good!

Yeah, but yours has that great clasp. Hey, Meg, you want to come to lunch?

Yeah, he's tweaked. Am not! Hey, maybe it's Meg's toad.

Yeah, I bet it is. And it's all thanks to you.

Yeah, I'm Big Fat Paulie. Hey. Guess I've got milk.

Yeah, it's the blue sedan. No tip, sir.

Yeah, just a second, honey. And, look, there's no engine.

Yeah, sure. Why not? Oh, that's great.

Yeah! Ooh! Free?

Yeah! Whoo! How's that, Robert E Lee?

Yeah. And you might have a really good time.

Yeah. Great, 'cause I could use some.

Yeah. It was "kitty"!

Yeah. No way, man.

Yeah. No.

Yeah. I think it looks better. Have you lost your mind?

Yeah. I think it looks better. You pasted it over me.

Yeeh! How the hell are you gonna do that?

Yes, sir! He's gonna grow up to be quite a man.

Yes! Yes! I'll have what he's having.

Yes. I was just making sure.

You ain't getting this meat. This is my meat. Shut up. I found this meat.

You better be huge. No, I'm Peter Griffin, producer.

You can jot it down on the back of my gun. Well, you do have an honest face.

You can't be trusted. Lois, take a letter.

You can't eat a stapler... Wanna split it?

You could get a part time job. I had one when I was in high school.

You did it. Put it back. I like that song.

You do? Of course.

You ever acted before, honey? I did an independent film in college.

You get it and I'll make you a reporter. You got it.

You got it. Would you hate me if I called you Webster?

You got the stuff? I got it. Where's the money?

You know how much I spent? Obviously we haven't hit the real issue yet.

You know, you're really pretty. Oh, stop.

You like that colour? What's wrong with it?

You OK? Whoa! Everything's so... significant.

You owe us a body! What?

You shut up. You love her.

You smash your head on the windshield. I don't recall...

You smell nice. What? Oh, that... that must be you.

You taped over our wedding video? Relax. I just taped over the boring stuff.

You think he's onto us, Christof? No. He's an idiot.

You think so? I know so.

You thought I wanted you to whack Lois? Guilty.

You wanna come up here and try this? I thought you'd never ask.

You were all great. Weren't they?

You! I am taking your brain.

You're drunk again! No, exhausted. I've been drinkin' all night.

You're gonna be my first champion. Oh, play that sad walking away song

You're gonna let them recast me? Could've been worse.

You're good to go again, right? Yeah.

You're like the Arnold Palmer of golf. Yeah, life is good.

You're not entitled to a refund. Aah!

You're the coolest, Lando. Yeah.

You're with the press? Yes.

You've been playing one for 30 years. Won't you drop the lawsuit, please, Dylan?

You've got 20. Hit me.

Young man, where did you get this toad? It's not mine.

Your dad deserves another chance. Wow! You are smart.

Your dad is a pig! Ah! Ha, ha, ha!

Your tail keeps hitting me. If it's bothering you, I can stop.

..

..

...$100 million worth of history happened here.

...51 years before he was born.

...a barrage of bullets and did not die.

...a better funded music department and updated textbooks...

...a loving father, and, for some reason I'll never understand...

...a Peter Griffin production, and I'm giving you the exclusive story.

...a terminally ill 8 year old who dreamed of playing quarterback...

...a very devoted son

...across from me doesn't mean you can give me career advice.

...actresses over 50 can land large aircraft.

...all the little things in life, like you and the kids.

...always equals the sum of the squares of the other sides.

...and all those scrambled channels come in clear as a bell.

...and best of all, Gumbel 2 Gumbel is back on the air.

...and Black Kramer v. Kramer, comes a funky flick so bad...

...and Chris has had acne problems since the fourth grade.

...and clipped onto it is a list of this year's float entries.

...and community activist,

...and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants!

...and got that crappy Gumbel show back on the air!

...and has a talk with his unemployed son.

...and he sees a little black dog.

...and he's charming.

...and her paralyzed, but trusting, cousin for this?

...and I don't think we're ready!

...and I don't want anything to ruin it.

...and if running against you is the only way to get him back...

...and it hasn't yet cut itself.

...and it turned out to be his son? I think this is gonna top it.

...and Kirstie Alley is still hot...

...and live for another 40 or 50 years.

...and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

...and out of my life, you festering strumpet!

...and passive aggressivist, Barbara Pewterschmidt,

...and Quahog prepares for its annual Harvest Festival Parade.

...and Rootin' Tootin' Raspberry. Remember, Chris?

...and stick a tiny pack of smokes in his torn denim jacket.

...and taken by Boba Fett to Jabba's palace...

...and that's, like, 10 people right there.

...and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.

...and the man with the penis for a light switch.

...and the victim's name is "theater."

...and these two women bitch slapped each other. The crowd went nuts.

...and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman!

...and we can be a family for a good long...

...and were not gonna be intimidated by any slick executive types.

...and what you're left with is a gumbo fit only for a madman.

...and worship some guy named Stan.

...and you're not man enough to satisfy her!

...and you've completely destroyed that!

...and, when stepped on, they explode?

...announced today she's puIIing out of the race,

...are just plain better than everyone else.

...as six members of the Pawtucket fire department struggled valiantly...

...because nobody finds her attractive.

...because some words are big and hard to understand,

...because the worId don't move to the beat of just one drum,

...because there's this girl in New York, and it's getting kind of serious.

...being worshipped like Him?

...Black to the Future.

...brothers, bike cops.

...but how can you let these people think you're a healer?

...but I don't think I could ever do what you do.

...but I haven't seen Joe all day.

...but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you get your chance next year.

...but if they moved out, some smelly Hawaiians might move in.

...but it doesn't seem like your dad is interested in bonding with you

...but then we later found out it wasn't actually her.

...but this is grown up time and l'm the man.

...but those of the endangered CaIifornia condor,

...but unfortunately it died shortly after.

...but you'll be happy to know our company does not pay him to think.

...but your progress has been...

...by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.

...by killing you...

...call 213 du werdest eine Krankenschwester brauchen!

...dating back to my diminutive great grandfather, Juarez Griffin.

...demand a little more bang for their buck.

...eeee!

...every time the Nikkei undergoes a correction!

...for millions of years.

...for New England got his wish today thanks to the Grant a Dream foundation.

...for the big Christmas toy this year gets a huge bonus.

...for this year's Cock Awareness Week. I don't know why the suggestive name.

...from hundreds of years of black oppression.

...from Li's countrymen, who in turn sells them to Ura's people...

...from Lois versus Peter, Griffin versus Griffin...

...from the ceremony where they are choosing this year's theme.

...from the silent movie era be lodged in my left bosom?

...grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family.

...had turned control of the station over to Darth Vader.

...has just dismissed RandaII Fargas, ending his 32 year teaching career,

...he saw that Lando Calrissian...

...hideously disfigured man. Sunrise. Sunset.

...hoity toity auction tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to embarrass her again.

...home of New England's most elegant and historic estates...

...I did some films I'm not particularly proud of.

...I just want to crack you with a cue stick.

...I want me and Chris to have someday.

...I was pretty sure I was gonna die...

...if you hadn't believed in me.

...in case things don't work out.

...in preparation for a visit from the Pope.

...in saving a community center from being converted into a shopping maII,

...in the fridge next to the mustard! That was the worst hot dog I ever ate!

...in the garage that Thanksgiving when I was 19.

...in the Quahog Players production of The King and I.

...in the race for School Board President!

...into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.

...is exactly what you've turned my show into.

...is Ten Commandments star, Charlton Heston.

...is to claim that Lois gave your boy the pornography.

...it occurred to me that I may never see any of your faces again.

...just some of the words used to describe Lois Griffin's prurient pic.

...l am gonna eat your nose.

...l'm gonna carry you off into the sunset on a white horse.

...l'm gonna do the one thing I've always dreamed of doing.

...l'm gonna eat meat on Fridays, golf on Sundays...

...l'm no longer lurking in the shadows, consequences will be dire.

...last Fourth of July. That's against the law, Officer!

...laugh at ******* comedians, and yes, sleep with my Protestant wife.

...like the moon landing and Marky Mark's hog in Boogie Nights...

...looking for the fight of her life.

...making the sides opposite both of the acute angles A and B...

...may I present this year's hottest toy...

...may she rest in peace.

...most recently, Miss Saigon.

...Mr. Zucchini Head.

...my choreographer and I want to thank everyone for auditioning.

...name was Steve Rock. First black I ever did it with.

...new episodes of Star Trek.

...on Monday Night Debate, y'aII!

...one... Happy New Year!

...or even been to a PTA meeting,

...or your cIass scheduIe, pIease come...,

...other than the fine programs on Fox.

...our students'll be so smart they'll be able to program their VCRs...

...passed away this afternoon.

...Quahog's native son, seIf described Huguenot, don't know what that means...

...RandaII Fargas seems to have gone horribIy wrong,

...RandaII Fargas seems to have gone horribIy wrong,

...she was only sleeping?

...since Andrew Lloyd Webber!

...since you took over, work is no fun.

...so I could cast you all.

...so I ripped her in half like a phone book.

...so they can ethnically cleanse this nauseatingly diverse...

...star of such films as Nashville and Five Easy Pieces, was on board

...suggested by ordinary citizens of Quahog.

...thanks to the hall monitor XL K. HaIt! Present haII pass!

...thanks to the magic of Kid Dynomite!

...that don't refer to the CiviI Rights Movement as "troubIe ahead, "

...that he was able to see the error of his ways.

...that I'm not Catholic.

...that I'm not good enough for Lois.

...that Lois Griffin is not the kind of person they want running their schools.

...that's turning our society into a cultural wasteland!

...the Breakers, Rosecliff, and exquisite Cherrywood Manor...

...the career of our oldest and most dedicated employee, Francis Griffin.

...the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa...

...the palatial mansion of Marguerite Pewterschmidt.

...then l am gonna run like the Six Million Dollar Man.

...they'll produce Shakespeare.

...to alcohol poisoning.

...to be knocked out that easily. Even by the slightest tap. Like this.

...to get the Gumbels back on TV is a racist.

...to mere Mother Gooseries!

...to save a fish's life trapped under the frozen ice.

...under that old hack have finally paid off.

...well, he's gotta be creative.

...were perfectly fine then?

...what kind of future wiII it be if you eIect a man who has never taught a student...

...what kind of person would I be?

...when prices were so low they were ridiculous.

...when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town...

...when you're the unwed teenage mother of a crack addicted baby.

...where embattled School Board President Peter Griffin is fighting for his political life.

...where my brother Gary makes a very nice living directing porn.

...where Stewie's foster family lived.

...where Stewie's foster family lived.

...where the Pope's plane has just touched down.

...who forced a hard working old man to retire.

...who introduces culture and civility to a barbaric, patriarchal...

...who is here to destroy you and free this land from your tyranny.

...who would make all your dreams come true.

...whose deadbeat dad doesn't pay child support.

...wins Quahog's coveted Golden Clam.

...with a belly that protrudes halfway to bloody Boston!

...with a family crisis only His Holiness can resolve.

...with books of some of our greatest movies and TV shows.

...with the soul and passion that can only come...

...with this Channel 5 pistol, you'll be completely unharmed?

...with your all female sex orgy.

...without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.

...you could do it yourself, like the law says you should.

...you gonna say, "Damn, that's funky."

...you have to find a way to express yourself creatively.

...you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa.

...you take them both, and there you have my opening statement,

...you'll be the biggest loser!

...you're supposed to do Mephistopheles in a scary voice like this!

...yourself before God?

'Cause that's what soap is for, Lois.

'Cept you're not six feet tall

"...but I'm here to teII you that I'm innocent! "

"...where their flesh burned in agony forever and ever."

"...where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower."

"'He's the world's greatest ninja, there's no doubt

"A parent giving porno to their kid is a terribIe thing...

"A way with words in marriage

"Accustomed to her

"Accustomed to her voice

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"And if you are pure of heart and deed you'll all go to a beautiful place called Heaven."

"And plunged them down a thousand feet below

"and so easy to forget, rather like a habit one can always break

"And then there's a guy. Let's get him in trouble with his dad! Ha ha ha!"

"And yet, l've grown accustomed to her looks

"And you made me cry. Furthermore..."

"ANNA rules

"ANNA won

"are second nature to me now

"Aren't you Richard Simmons?"

"As they dig my grave, as they dig my grave"

"as they dig your grave

"as they dig your grave"

"at all"

"Baby"

"Because he blew all of us away

"Because I kicked all the bad guys in their jewels

"But still, this house is freakin' sweet"

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"but where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"Chris Griffin, you're so brave

"Dance and shout

"Dear Pawtucket Pat, I hate you! You are a bad man!"

"Dump"? Oh, so now you're too good for us, too?

"each and every day

"face"

"freakin' sweet"

"From here on in, it's Easy Street"

"Got milk?" That's a funny one too.

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"Hello, beans, good bye, spray

"Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs

"High on the rapids, it struck their tiny raft

"Hundred bucks, Blake is gay

"I didn't give those magazines to my son,

"I have no son. I have no son," and Mom just stood there

"I make brunch, Clive cooks lunch

"I recognize that tone

"I used to pass lots of gas

"I'd take my sweater off, but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin." Ha! Ha! Ha! Imbecile.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"I'm gonna be the one who has to kill these kids."

"If you don't put Coach back on the air, I'll be really upset.

"In the planet of Siam, there's no one as tough as I am

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It spun in. There were no survivors."

"Jerry, pull the high end out. I'm still getting some hiss back."

"Just as surely as Paul Lynde was gay"

"Knick knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone"

"l'm very grateful she's a woman

"l've grown accustomed to her face

"l've grown accustomed to the tune that she whistles night and noon

"La la la la la, Miss Saigon

"La la la la la, Miss Saigon"

"Lady Thiang, if he needs me, truly needs me, I will go to him."

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"Lewd," "obscene," and "a little blurry"...

"Like breathing out and breathing in

"Lois ran away

"lt seems today that all you see

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Marshall, Will, and Holly, on a routine expedition

"Meg Griffin's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan."

"Meg." Hm.

"Met the greatest earthquake ever known

"Michael Flatley."

"Money, money, money"

"My God, this house is

"My God, this house is freakin' sweet

"My God, this house is freakin' sweet

"My God! Wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

"My wife, Lois..., "

"Nice goin'. Libya." "You the man! North Korea." "Great job! Iraq."

"No, never would I leave you

"Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York.

"Now that you're stinking rich

"Now we've got 30 rooms

"Now, get the asterisk, percent, ampersand, out of here, you SOB."

"Of suns and worlds l nothing had to say l see mankind's self torturing pains"

"Oh, dyin' boy of Quahog

"Oh, Mrs. Anna, the king needs you. You must go to him.

"Oh, no not in springtime

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"Pancakes" must be street for "crack."

"Prepare to suck that golden teat

"Pretty sneaky, sis." That one's also funny.

"Rose" is fine. Moving on.

"She almost makes the day begin

"Signed, Peter Griffin."

"So God cast the pagans and sinners into the fiery bowels of Hell...

"summer, winter, or fall

"Taking in sperm and spitting out babies"

"Thanks to my gamma ray atomic gun

"The don's daughter is getting married tomorrow. Here's my invitation."

"The episode of Who's the Boss?

"The skillful acting of Craig T. Nelson will be missed a lot.

"There's a smile on your face and a bounce in your step

"they can all just freakin' eat me

"They're grrreat!" Bastard.

"Though they tried to defeat me

"to the Land of the Lost"

"Tonight I sleep alone

"Vagina junction, what's your function?

"We like being alive, we like being alive

"We like being, oh, we like being, oh, we like being alive"

"We only live to kiss your ass"

"We'd take a bullet just for you"

"We'll do the best we can with Meg"

"We'll do your homework every night"

"We'll do your nails and rub your feet"

"we'll gladly be your bitch

"We'll stop Jehovahs at the gate"

"We'll take the box." You gave up a boat for free tickets to a crappy comedy club.

"We're a bunch of sneaky animals."

"We're gonna wreck this food and eat it, cos we're naughty!"

"Whaaaa..." Well, I can't do it, but you know.

"What kind of person would do that?" you might ask.

"Winston Churchill, We Hardly Knew Ye".

"You'll have to speak into the microphone."

$1,000 for a bumper sticker?

$100 million!

$140,000.

$150,000.

$160,000.

$170,000

$2,000. That's twice the cost!

$20!

$200,000.

$380? Jeez, I hope they kissed you first.

$380? Jeez, I hope they kissed you first.

$40. What?

$49.95? That's three times as much as the first one.

21. Hit me. Hit me.