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Home > Stan Smith Sounds: American Dad...
NSFW Audio: Use caution, some sounds may be offensive
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Ah, I envy you guys. Just a couple of unmarried studs enjoying life to the Max.
Ah, what have we here?
Ah.
Ahoy Rangers.
Am I a monster for not feeling anything?
And it'll be just super if you didn't blow it.
And watch the entire first season of 24 on DVD.
And we still have a minute to spare.
And we'll promenade around the neighborhood, delighting young and old alike with our saucy banter.
Answer me dirtbag.
AR15.
Are you Francine's boss?
Are you insane?
Because if the terrorists take over this country, that's the first thing to go.
Bros before hoes.
California.
Can I get some ketchup?
Can't you take a page from that bitch Hillary Clinton and just let it go?
Chuck white.
Come back.
Come on.
Damn it.
Did you get those pecan sandies I asked for?
Do I have to smell like Bo and hump a Redwood just to get through to her?
Do you think about sex all the time?
Do you watch TV all the time?
Do.
Don't play coy, you'll cardigan Jezebel.
Don't say that. Don't ever say that.
Double cheeseburger, small fries and a Mr Pibb.
Every freaking time.
Excuse me, are you Francine's boss?
Fine, we'll do it your way again.
For crying out loud, quit nagging me, you harpy.
Francine.
Francine.
FU.
FUN.
George Clooney.
Get out of here, you crazy old herpes spreader.
God damn it, I'm such a softie.
God, I hate you so much.
Good God.
Good question.
Goodbye.
Gosh, thanks.
Great.
Guns are bad.
Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
Have fun at the river juicy fruit.
Have you ever floated to heaven on Angel wings?
He came from my seed.
Hello everyone.
Hello.
Here it comes, clown.
Hermaphrodite.
Hey friend, what's the real deal?
Hey, I have a life. I have an important job, a house with a giant flagpole, a great kid, another kid, and a beautiful wife who loves me and thinks I'm a winner. I have a great life.
Hey, it's been a while.
Hey, there he is.
Hey, who's my big girl?
Hey.
Hey.
Holy Ayatollah.
How could I?
How could I? How could I?
How could you do this to me?
How dare I? How dare I?
How do I say this nicely?
How would you like a punch in the face?
Huh.
Huh. Ohh.
I could have assassinated you.
I don't believe you.
I got to admit, I wasn't sure about you fellas, but sometimes you just want to be around other men, you know?
I have an important job, a house with a giant flagpole, a great kid, another kid, and a beautiful wife who loves me and thinks I'm a winner. I have a great life.
I have photographic evidence of you having sexual relations with the jack-in-the-box man.
I hope you're not taking all this for granted.
I just made a killing in the shock market.
I knew this day would come.
I swear you'll shortly be leaning on my last nerve.
I think I hear what you guys are saying.
I want you to stop this nonsense.
I was just making conversation.
I will reach into your chest, pull out your beating heart and eat it. All of it. Every last bit.
I'll be Admiral Finch from the 58th flotilla, and you'll be Lady Constantina, my real estate agent.
I'll be better than good. I'll be fun starting now.
I'll be fine in the kitchen, I'll be fine in the bedroom, I'll be fun in the dining room, and I'll be fun at Costco when we're shopping for bulk paper towels.
I'm a failure as a man.
I'm a nobody.
I'm gay.
I'm getting married in three hours and I need to pretend dad for the next 30 years.
I'm kidding. Not kidding.
I'm leaving.
I'm professor Smith.
I'm saying you're fired.
I'm sick of you when you're disgusting habits.
I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
I'm sorry, so sorry to interrupt, but real quick, this is the worst idea I've ever heard. Never gonna happen, but please keep going.
I'm sorry.
I'm Stan, your new bodyguard.
I'm Steve's father.
I'm sure.
I'm taking out the trash and sorting it.
I'm the man and I have to reclaim the power in my marriage.
I'm the one who's bad.
I've acted horribly to you guys, I'm sorry.
I've been possessed by the devil.
I've got to go save my son.
I've got to go save my son.
I've got to go save my son.
If my superiors at the CIA found out you were living here, we'd all have our memories erased.
If there are two men, who has the vagina?
Is that right?
Is the scout master around?
It's me.
It's Stan the man.
Jack Smith.
Jailbird.
Juicy fruit.
Kiss my ass, pigs.
Let me get this straight, son.
Let's be friends.
Let's kill some hookers.
Loser.
Loser. Loser. Loser.
Mac 10.
Maria Shriver.
Mexico.
MK5.
Mr pibb.
Murderer.
Murderer. You killed my son.
My gaydar is totally off.
My whole pathetic life's been based on a lie. I'm a nobody.
New Mexico.
NI hao ma.
No way.
No you can't.
No, baby, you grab what you need to grab to keep doing what you're doing.
No, no, that can't be.
No, you can't take my money.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Not even a little.
Not kidding.
Not the largest, the one right under that.
Not this old routine, you know, you pull a gun, I pretend I'm gonna do what you want, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff. Inevitably, your arm gets tired. Then you drop your...
Now how about a kiss?
October 30th.
Of Roger.
Oh my God, no.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh no, it's already in there. I see it. I see it.
Oh, that's crazy.
Ohh God I wanna hit you.
Ohh Sir, can you see?
Ohh that's good.
Ohh, that's funny. I'm funny.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Ohh.
OK, I want this to be a class act. I'll introduce you both. You'll shake hands and then I'll throw raw meat on the floor and whoever beats the crap out of the other one gets to eat.
OK.
One hour ago, a cyber terrorist hacked into the dams computers and shut it down, causing statewide blackouts and my DVD of personal best to cut out right before the chicks did each other.
Or are black people invisible to you, you racist bastard?
Overreacting. Overreacting.
Please, please tell me you slept with another man.
Possession of cocaine Donuts.
Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandies.
Punk ass.
Put arming your blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Put it in a rap song, jailbird.
Put your mom on.
Quiet, fatty, fat fat fatty.
Really.
Rhubarb.
Saudi Arabia is the greatest country in the world.
Saudi Arabia.
Say what?
Say, listen, could you do me a huge favour?
So what do you need to know?
So what part of Islam do you hail from?
Something tells me you're right.
Sometimes you just want to be around other men, you know?
Stan Smith.
Stan Smith.
Stand, the man is back.
Steve.
Steve.
Stop calling me here.
Tasted a cinnamon bun fresh from the oven.
Tell me if you ever love me, you'll tell me that's what happened.
Tell me it was in our bed and he was wearing my tie as a headband and and you grab the tie to gain leverage and then apologized, embarrassed, but he said no baby, you grab what you need to grab to ...
Thanks, fellas. Thank you.
That reminds me, we should have sex tonight.
That spells fun, and that's what I am, a guy who spells fun.
That's funny. I'm funny.
That's impossible.
That's right.
The greatest country in the world.
The sure why not?
The United States Patriot Act says I can.
The whole balance of power in our relationship has shifted and, well, I don't like it.
There's Lieutenant herpes. Or is it Captain herpes now?
Things are strained between me and the missus. The whole balance of power in our relationship has shifted, and, well, I don't like.
This is bill.
This is just how white people say hello.
This is the garbage collector.
This is uh.
This is what happens when you turn around town giving it up for free.
This is, uh, this is Bill.
This office is permanently closed.
Too bad about your office being closed down.
Tuesday.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh, huh.
Uh.
Umm.