American Dad! - Season 11 Edit

A little what? P and P.

A person thinks they want something, but then

A pool table? Foosball?

All right. I'll just wish for them back.

All right. Make your wish.

Am I boring mall optometrist there, too?

And bear in mind, this is my Christmas, too.

And gave you a terrible family to teach you a lesson.

And if you're not quiet, you'll wake him up.

And that's whatever I want all the time!

And the southern on the other

And these aren't even Christmas napkins.

And they're the ones who dig my Porsche the most.

And this is more of a sweater shaped bag.

And we need this photo for our Christmas party invite,

And you call this a tree angel?

And, undoubtedly, will be alone in the next.

And...my family's in there?

And...wish activate.

And..ugly... and you have bad hair.

Angel? Angel!

Angels can die? Where do they go?

Anyhoots, it's time for me to do what I do best.

Are there gonna be any chicks there?

Are you picturing it? I'm picturing it.

Aren't my real family?

Because I used my only Christmas wish.

Because I'm from an alternate reality where we're friends.

Because, as you know, I'm a C.I.A. agent.

Before things go back to normal.

Best wish ever!

Better chance someone will overhear me talking about it.

But but I want to go back.

But honey, the C.I.A. will never believe you.

But I don't want this to get out of control

But I don't want to have to do this every year.

But I have grown to feel

But I love my terrible family.

But I'm not alone...because I have you, Francine.

But it's supposed to be your own family!

But me?

But right now, we're in a Care Bear movie.

But this Christmas massacre is on your head!

But those things aren't true.

But you didn't appreciate them,

But you learned your lesson.

But you should come. I'd like to finally get loose.

But, geez, you look cool as a cucumber.

But, um, never release all your hostages,

But...well, ah, you fell through the cracks

Butt wish? Sounds like a thing.

Caveman shoes?

Check out this guy.

Cozy!

Did you get your shopping done?

Diggin' it. He'll show us how to blow it out.

Do I ever... dress as a woman?

Do it, Lewis. Do it up, Lewis.

Do wishes come true?

Don't criticize her housekeeping.

Don't they go home at Christmas?

Don't want to let on you're a player.

Don't you dare cry, not this Christmas.

Don't you sometimes wish that we were never married?

Dude, I just told you Shut up, dickhead.

Everybody just chill out.

Everything's so different, but not you, Roger.

Francine would never go for this. That is weird.

Francine, how much do you want from me?

Francine, thank you. Thank you so much.

Francine! Hayley! Steve!

Francine?

From the king of single players in this town.

Get in here, fish.

Giving eye exams, like I do six days a week.

Go get the angel from Roger's attic.

Great. Now put it on the tree.

Guys, I know this may sound crazy.

H hey, Santa, I I'll bet if you checked your nice list,

Ha ha ha ha!

Having single guy fun, and we need some pointers

He should be unconscious by now.

He's all, Uh, Stan. Is that you?

He's completely lost it.

He's your principal. This is your fault, Lewis.

Hell, yeah!

Hello?

Hello? Where is everybody?

Here you are, Stan.

Hey, dad. Did mom find you?

Hey, merry Christmas, pops.

Hey, pops! Hi, daddy!

Hey, Soul Santa!

Hey, Stan. Francine wants you in the kitchen.

Hi, Brian!

Honestly, with your taste,

Honey, the kids are opening your gifts.

Honey, what's come over you?

Honey, where's my morning B.J.?

How about Big? Unh unh.

How dare you, Stanley?!

How do you know all this stuff?

How hard can she be looking?

I add a little flair to let the ladies know I mean business.

I also know you're an alien.

I bought this family the wrong gifts, too?

I can't believe this is happening.

I can't do this! But you sound beautiful!

I can't live like this!

I did this. I wished for this.

I don't choose sides. I let the car do the talking.

I don't know why, but that does sound familiar.

I don't want Christmas shopping to become a tradition.

I don't want to armchair Q.B. this whole thing,

I doubt it, 'cause I don't know what that is.

I got here way too early.

I got to go return something.

I got you both three hole punches

I have to get my own breakfast juice?

I have to plan this whole Christmas bash for my family.

I I I think you're fat

I I wouldn't even brush up against that...perfect a apple.

I it was just your pirate costume threw me.

I know Christmas is a time for family,

I know what you wanted for Christmas,

I know! You're perfect!

I know. I can smell.

I needed new birks!

I ruined the house.

I sat by a girl in a bar in 1977

I say Porsh uh. It's longer.

I sent Steve and Hayley to go find you.

I should be peacockin', baby!

I should have asked when you were getting here.

I swear I'm your dad.

I tell you, Roger, being single for a day...

I thought you were sleeping in.

I want to be part of everything!

I wanted my family to be, like, suspended in a void

I was talking to these two little Christmas miracles.

I wasn't talking to you.

I wish my family back.

I wish to go back.

I wished I had Lewis' life.

I worked too hard for you to say

I'll be right back. Kids, come help me explain.

I'll never take you for granted again!

I'm a crummy father in every reality.

I'm buying gifts. I'm returning gifts.

I'm headed to a bash at the sororities.

I'm just glad you're okay.

I'm not even wearing the beard.

I'm peacockin', dawg!

I'm trying on tons of jeans at Lucky's.

I'm wearing a Santa costume.

I've been dropping hints about?

I've got a million balls in the air.

If I can't be with my family, I don't want to live!

If they were smart, they'd start in Sears,

If what we do makes any difference at all.

In a white Porsche, and you were wearing a purple jumpsuit.

In this alternate reality,

Is that for Steve?

Is that why you're dressed as a pirate, Principal Smith?

Is this for me?

It it does?

It didn't work.

It looks like the creepy girl from The Ring.

It shows you thought about them.

It was supposed to be temporary,

It was terrible.

It was worth a shot.

It's been such a vacation.

It's for Steve and Hayley, but I'll be the one using it.

It's her one thing. It is?

It's just a sad fact. No! The tree!

It's not weird that I'm your father.

It's okay! We're single!

It's the only one that's real.

It's your real family.

Just this wine glass has a spot.

Just dealing with dumb family crap.

Just do it. ♪ Now the jingle hop has begun ♪

Just down here for a little P and P.

Just in time for dinner.

Just making an appearance, my man,

Just the one. What? Why?

Just this morning we were zooming around

Just this time, no.

Klaus, just be glad you're alone with no family.

Klaus?

Last night, when I was putting the angel on the tree,

Lazlo Morphine.

Let me know how you do!

Let's go to work.

Lewis has my family.

Lewis has my shit, and I want it back.

Lewis is always killing it.

Lewis, finally!

Like the one I'm wearing?

Look at this Kathy Ireland poster.

Look, sometimes in a movie,

Look, Stan, you, uh, seem to be a little agitated,

Make sure we're doing all the single stuff.

Mary, you're my only hope!

Maybe 'cause I was touching your butt when you wished.

Maybe a sweater with a snowman.

Maybe I will.

Maybe you're right, Stan.

Me and Lazlo were buzzing around,

Merry Christmas, daddy.

Merry Christmas, Francine.

Merry Christmas, girl.

Merry Christmas, schmoopsie.

Merry Christmas.

Mom, dad! I learned my lesson.

Must be nice.

Mwah!

My family's all gone.

My God. The fish doesn't talk.

My great grandma Lindqvist died with this in her arms.

My wife and daughter. Mm...

Need a hand?

Never looked into it, but it seemed like a lie.

Never seen a Kathy Ireland poster

No clue. Not that involved.

No doubt.

No one is more in there than your family, Stan.

No one understands me here!

No, I've been at the mall

No, last year on Christmas, we pretended we didn't see

No, Roger, I don't need help.

No, you only get one Christmas wish.

No!

No. I never want to sleep in.

No. Really?

No. They're your cautionary family.

No. You're thousands of things. You're whatever you want to be.

Not everybody does.

Not sure you have.

Not the poor girls,

Now don't you wish we were never married?

Now go join your family, Stan.

Now, do I hear the clink of Riedel wine glasses

Of which you have none.

Oh, daddy! Can we, please?!

Oh, Francine,

Oh, God! There it is.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Oh, hey, Principal Lewis.

Oh, honey.

Oh, I think it's pretty clear, Stan.

Oh, Jesus. This is the tree of a single man.

Oh, my God! That sounds amazing!

Oh, really? Oh, really?

Oh, Stan.

Oh, the C.I.A.'s here. This should be interesting.

Oh, we're out of wishes.

Oh, you got to come! Do it!

Oh! Group hug! Aah!

Oh! Oh, right. I get it.

Oh? When's the party?

Oh. Family hug.

Okay, this should mean something.

Okay, um...maybe we can talk after the holidays.

Okay. I learned my damn lesson.

One, two, three.

Ooh! Like in the Care Bears: Big Wish Movie.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Or or like a static nothingness

Or whatever happens when I leave the room.

Our only hope is if I can convince them.

Paradise, baby.

People will lie to you in a bar, Stan.

Peppermint latte and peacockin', see?

Please remember.

Please work. Please, please.

Porsh uhhhh.

Principal Lewis and Francine have been doing it.

Principal Smith, you cuckoo bird,

Put this back on the tree and make your wish.

Race you to the beach!

Remember last year at Christmas

Roger, something weird's going on.

Roger, thank God you're here.

S so you wouldn't have to fight over one?

Short leash.

Silly, that's for Ruth.

Sir, sir! The nozzle's still in the tank!

Smith, stop or we'll shoot!

Snot, for the last time, you're not our son.

So hurry!

So let that family go!

So on three, let's say it together.

So we took them away

So you can say your party went off!

So, I I get my family back?

So, it it's a reversible cape

So, me and my good friend, uh...

Some Christmas.

Some people say Porsche.

Some people say Porsh uh.

Sometimes I do wish we were never married.

Sometimes I just wish I had Lewis' life.

Sometimes I wonder

Son, you're 14.

Stan, angel, tree!

Stan, will you do something about the trash cans?

Stan, you're shouting louder than the driver

Stan! Go check the fuse box!

Stop digging! You struck oil!

Thank God the mall's closed on Tuesdays.

Thanks, dad.

That I am part of your family, Stan.

That is, when you're not walking around naked.

That poor, poor man.

That was brutal.

That wasn't just put up with tape.

That way it's not just her word against Lewis'.

That's all I remember.

That's Lewis' pimp ride.

The Chinese grocery was open.

The hole I put in the wall is an improvement.

Then why did you wish to be single?

Then you should have a gun right here.

There it is. Yeah. I'm gonna go hide in the attic.

These are for you.

These are like the wine glasses you never got.

These people suck balls.

They go to super heaven.

They sound terrified.

This is all wrong. It is?

This is crazy!

This is your real family.

This isn't my family. Oh, but it is.

This isn't our tree angel.

This might be one of those dealios

This whole table setting looks kind of shabby.

Tuesday is my Sunday.

Ugh, honey. The tree isn't done.

Uh, Stan. I is that you?

Uh, there's there's no spot on that wine glass.

Uh, yeah!

Uh...what's this?

Unseasonably warm Christmas we're having.

W who's nervous, sir?

Wait, wait.

Wait, wait.

Wait. A snowman sweater?

Wait. Francine, Steve, and Hayley...

Wait. If I wished for this, then why are you here?

We both should, bitch!

We can still make peanut brittle!

We got to get a peep at his babe.

We have to go there. Yes!

We milk this cow till it's dead.

We're almost at the front of the line,

We're coming in firing,

Well, do I get one?

Well, I didn't wish for that.

Well, I mean, if you believe that sort of stuff.

Well, it couldn't have come true, right?

Well, it looks...like...crap.

Well, we got to make sure

Well, you did wish for his life. Maybe he got yours.

What am I gonna do?!

What are you doing up there?

What are you talking about? I'm not single.

What are you waiting for? Take him down!

What do you need, Stan?

What do you say, pop? Let's open presents!

What kind of twilight zone am I living in?

What the hell does that mean? Like in the movies.

What the hell is going on?!

What?

What's all the racket?

What's going on around here?

What's going on? Everything's so different.

What's that, Stan? Oh, nothing.

What's the point? It already came true.

When the angel handling your case died.

Where have you been?

Where you got to learn a lesson

Where's my real family?!

Who said her dad invented foosball.

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. You should picture it.

Whose taxi I threw up in last night.

Why are you calling me Roger?

Why aren't we going already?

Why would I grab it?

Wine glasses. Snowman...sweater?

With that in mind, I'm gonna go in the kitchen.

With the northern hemisphere stars on one side

Wow. He just takes what he wants, doesn't he?

Yeah, it did! I got my Porsche!

Yeah, you would. I know what you like.

Yeah. Mary, this glass is filthy.

Yes, dear Stan.

Yes, Francine. Daddy delivered again.

Yes, son and sister of son.

Yes, yes. Good idea.

Yes. Go, go.

Yes. You learned the importance of family.

Yo, Smith! What's up, my man?

You are alone in this world

You better not be goofing around!

You can't really be nervous I'm Santa.

You didn't come with me this time.

You got a girl in there.

You got the wine glasses.

You got to think of something.

You guys are awesome!

You know what? Let's go talk to Lewis,

You know, for cozy stargazing.

You know, if you get people the presents they want,

You know, it might not be that easy.

You made being single look so lovely!

You mean...

You monster!

You saw, Ted.

You walk into the sizzler by yourself.

You want to get out of here? I'll go!

You weren't grabbing my ass when I went off the bridge.

You'd find a boy on there who'd love a stargazing cape.

You're calling your family shit.

You're in the C.I.A.?! That's my life! Wait!

You're my family mine! and you're coming with me.

You're single. No wonder you're not stressed out.

You're the same. I'm Gerald, your tenant.

You've seen It's A Wonderful Life, right? Nope.

Damn it. All right, Smith.

You fool! What?

'cause now what's stopping them from

'cause that's where I used to be.

'Cause you're oh, my God.

'Cause you're my one and only, baby.

♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪

♪ Five golden rings

♪ Good ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

♪ Good morning, U.S.A.

♪ Good time ♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ It's always a good time

♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock ♪

♪ Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say

♪ Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays ♪

♪ Seven swans a swimming

♪ six geese a laying

♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ we don't even have to try

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, it's always a good time ♪

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, it's always a good time ♪

♪ Whoa oh, oh oh, oh, it's always a good time ♪

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, it's always a good time ♪

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪