American Dad! - Season 2 Edit

A Cueryo cosmotinian. I first had one on Fire Island.

A different handmade bear for every holiday.

A face down snow angel...

A friend showed me one and, honey, Miss Patti just loved them.

A gay group?

A gay would,ve checked for dirt this way.

A gay would,ve said "Equal Rights Amendment....

A genius. Look

A girl at the bank told me about this place.

A good rut, like 200 years of democracy, or a bad rut, like UNICEF?

A jar containing evidence that Carver didn't invent peanut butter.

A little Dead Poets and the rest is just lies.

A little more flesh colored with a nose

A little place called London Bridge.

A man with a winter secret.

A map I found years ago.

A mere 1,000 years after the creation of Earth...

A perfect follow up to the chocolate chip waffles.

A pleasure.

A pre emptive strike. Of course.

A rut with nothing exciting in it.

A seagull? Where? Don't let it touch me with its feet.

A secret society dedicated to concealing this truth at all costs.

A whole island made of fire? How manly.

A world with no children. Future generations will thank us.

About the naked lady who drove me home from the library...

About the street racer you saw last night.

Above the sink? Oh, yeah. Here they are.

Absolutely. All business.

Accordingly, I am now going to paint all of your houses at once.

Actually, I didn't make a dessert tonight.

Actually, I kind of met someone.

Actually, I kinda see their point. I mean, if you,re not Christian...

Actually, Stan, I'll meet you downstairs.

Actually, we haven't talked in a few years.

Adios, sucker. The Brain. "

Afraid of what they don't understand.

Afraid so, Bob. You see, I've got a very busy...

After the war, our nation was healed by the belief...

After this simple procedure, you will be unsuitable towards manufacture children.

Afterwards, I'll probably just finish up paperwork at the office...

Agathor, cover me!

Agathor! You were awesome, dude.

Agathor!Agathor!

Age 11: When my parents wouldn't let me have a fourth cupcake...

Age 15: I put a bunch of flies in a blender...

Age 7: I put my little cousin's doll in a river and watched it float away.

Ah, Abe Lincoln, the first Republican, pure and perfect.

Ah, come on, Debbie. Let's go swab the steak sauce out of my ear.

Ah, look at you. basking in the love of your family

Ah, my beauties, my tranquil beauties, calm me.

Ah, Saturday Sunday's Friday.

Ah, Stan, that's too tight.

Ah, the hell with it. Choke on my Rod!

Ah, the lighting of the town Christmas tree.

Ah, this is more like it.

Ah. Feels good to laugh.

Ahoy, fair masticators. Behold your fondue.

Alien? Don't be ridiculous.

All hail

All hail the mighty Agathor.

All he has is the shirt on his back and the $1,600 I gave him to pay this quarter's kid tax.

All I have to do is get married by next week...

All I know is I have a casserole dish filled with mousetraps and I'm going.

All I need is $40 for gas.

All in favor of making Krispy Kreme McDonalds our new drummer?

All is lost. Okay, that was fun.

All my regular clothes felt silly.

All of civilization was destroyed by a nuclear holocaust.

All right, all right. I,ll sign.

All right, all right. You win.

All right, I'll call her.

All right, I'll go with you.

All right, Steve, we are moments away from getting a lifetime supply...

All right, target identified.

All right, that's it

All right, there they are.

All right, we're in the clear.

All right! Let's go screw some sheep!

All right.

All right. 17 Lake Drive. This is where Osama's living.

All right. Assignment, people.

All right. Foreplay.

All Smith does is talk, he doesn 't know how to listen.

All that damn fool had to do was drive the van to Florida.

All the clues are things that President Peanut wears.

All the other men are dead, and the sonar's shot

All this Christmas stuff might make you feel a little uncomfortable.

All this time, I thought I was proving I was so grown up...

All those guys you slept with before me meant nothing.

All we do is take it for granted and they're willing to work...

All your fat sweaty toes shoved in there...

Alma. Alma, wake the kids. It's finally happened.

Almost there, Dad. Hey, look. Funny pages from 1916.

Alright. Miss Fonda, lie down. You can finish the cat food later.

Alright. Ms. Fonda. Action!

Although, that could just be the Intriguinol I took this morning.

Always remember. You,re a whore.

Am I getting good reception? Can you see the game?

An alien. My very own alien.

An autographed George Brett baseball?

An exact replica of your cheerleading outfit...

An insurance salesman in Ohio wants to fly me to Disneyland.

And a machine that turns water into cocaine. I'll just hang onto this.

And after seeing you as Lincoln's "special friend......

And another thousand to sell in my store.

And as a proud member, it's up to me

And B: before they cut and styled my hair.

And be careful. They're watching you.

And beautiful women will pay me to have sex with them?

And being kidnapped by heavily armed skinheads.

And don't forget to look in their weirdly deep orc butts.

And ends with you on a boat to Mykonos wearing a pair of"assless... chaps.

And flipped for a profit!

And get girls. Chicks dig a guy with a fatwa on his head. I'll go tell my dad.

And good bye, struggling gay actor.

And he asked me to teach this class.

And he completely ignores me. It makes him so much hotter.

And he doesn't work as an accountant at MacMillan & Sachs.

And he never tried to impress her by shooting President Reagan

And his cell mate is in there because he just ****d Scott Bakula.

And I can't live under the roof.

And I can't think of anyone else I,d rather share it with.

And I do not perform with another act

And I don't need this childproof lock on the Internet.

And I found you.

And I had some great times suckling.

And I learned something. We,re wrong about gays. I was wrong.

And I taught my boy wrong.

And I told you if I was responsible...

And I told you to light a match

And I took your husband back to 1970, and he bolted on me.

And I was planning to have sex with you.

And I won't let you ruin that.

And I,m here to strike it rich as a comedy writer for television.

And I,m not gonna let them have you. This isn't over.

And I,m not too drunk or too full for sex. Too bad it's not sex night.

And I'll do whatever it takes to keep her from saying them, as God is my witness.

And I'll need two forms of ID. Passport's okay, or a utility bill with your current...

And I'll never be too busy for you. You're my alien.

And I'm gonna collect the bounty. Tie him up.

And if a girl calls and there's a shot at boob...

And if we don't, then life isn't worth living... for any of us.

And if you criticize me, then you don't love me.

And if you don't love me, then you must hate me.

And in answer to your next question, I like a sneaker with a large tongue.

And in this direction, from youngest

And its Zionist allies. But even better...

And Jane Fonda is filming her Oscar winning role in Klute.

And just go back to Ace Ventura.

And my bounty.

And my job is to save the world.

And next time, Smith, I won't be using a midget.

And nobody wants Punch Drunk Love. Just give us Water boy

And now give me an R.B.O. Choctaw!

And now he's injured.

And now look. You have become one of the skankiest hos...

And now to just separate the fossil sites from the porn sites.

And now you,re dumping me to skate with Roger? Why, Stan? Why?

And now, representing the Langley Conservatives, Stan Smith.

And our kids are the proof.

And right now, I want to send them a big thank you basket from the Body Factory.

And see if the rattrap snagged us some din din.

And slender. God.

And so Francine nursed Stan's wounded soul back to life.

And so I say to you, graduates of the Naval Academy...

And so Stan fought his competitive urges...

And so the safety of our nation will forever be ensured.

And so what was a season of joy for most couples...

And Steve's where?

And stop enjoying my mural

And tell Esteban that ellobon****n sends his regards.

And that dress she wore at our wedding.

And that house, my friends, will be re surfaced with an aged lime wash...

And that's how you kill a bear.

And that's how you spot your typical homosexual female.

And that's how you spot your typical homosexual female.

And that's where babies come from

And that's where fossils come from.

And the Christmas Rapist is on the loose.

And the pot is shaped like a hat. It's the last piece of the puzzle.

And the twilight Absolut

And the way Stan stared at me when I was talking.

And the way you portrayed him with his boyfriend

And the world was young and gay

And then I made the most terrible blunder.

And there's a very interesting take on T.S. Eliot's work.

And these are walls.

And they all lived happily ever after.

And they drove the dinosaurs underground.

And they won't rest until everyone else is gay with them.

And this is my most prized possession.

And this way, she won't be joke.

And those hippies would have worn themselves out dancing in the mud..

And those shoes didn't help.

And though that moment only lasted seconds...

And toss it accurately enough to hit the netting or metal ring.

And watch bad television.

And watching Ricki Lake

And we need that blood to shed for oil.

And what kind of an idiot points a loaded gun at a child?

And when they find it, they'll destroy it.

And where did that swivel chair come from?

And who's this lovely young lady?

And why would you do that?

And you always will be. Look.

And you are a shepherd.

And you can think about that while you,re sleeping on the couch!

And you know what? That's what I,m best at.

And you remember what happened to her.

And you, Agathor does not choose to use his muscles.

And you,re not allowed to use the muscles in your legs.

And you,re the only gay guy I know who's still in town.

And you're embarrassing me in front of your family.

And you've never once gotten them in stores in time for a holiday.

And, therefore, isn't an appropriate place for religious icons.

And, you know, move out of this tunnel.

Another time. No, this is the tale of Stan Smith...

Another year on this planet and I ha haven't I haven't accomplished squat!

Answer her. That's your wife.

Any luck finding me a blender?

Any other drink is little more than a weapon of mass dehydration.

Anyway, back to the skating story.

Anyway, can you help me find him?

Anyway, Francine's curiosity finally got the best of her.

Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.

Anyway, it's been a while, so I was thinking tonight...

Anyway, it's on sale for $50 million.

Anyway, madam, I wanna dispute some of these charges on my cell phone bill.

Anyway, this time I'm going to do it.

Anyway, you were right.

Anyway, you,re boring, and Francine's stuck on the street racer...

Anywho, we're registered at Williams Sonoma.

Apparently, this is where I belong.

Apresmoile deluge

Are you and your dad close?

Are you here to give Jane her massage?

Are you kidding,? I know everything about fossils. Steve, grab a pen.

Are you kidding? There's a rich tradition of alien bounty hunters.

Are you mad, woman? Once the kids are out of the house...

Are you Steve, Toshi, Barry and Snot?

Are you still writing that letter to President Bush?

Are you sure you're okay to drive?

Are you sure? You'd be giving up your dream.

Aren't we all just slaves?

Arise and awaken, Stan Smith.

Arnie, come bring your mama one of them brownies.

Arnie, stop chewing on the line.

Arnie, stop playing with the curtain.

As a woman, I could tell.

As for you, old friend, I think you'll like Mexico.

As God as my witness, I will be beloved.

As I was saying, how in the hell...

As long as he could, but it was a losing battle.

As punishment for your insolence...

As soon as that bell rings, we,ll be in the money.

As sweet as owning that PlayStation you've been lusting after?

As teddy bears were cute

As the backbone of our last presidential election, they,re still sticking with us.

As the two smartest people in the house...

As you can see, I,m going to do very well.

Assembled liberal media...

Astatine. How could I forget? It has the words "teen" and "ass" in it.

At first I thought it was Aretha Franklin, but then she said she wasn't.

At the Republican National Convention.

At the risk of sounding a little meshuga...

At this part of our routine, I want you to do a salchow from a Mohawk entry.

Atop a redneck's lawn

Attention, everyone.

Attention, everyone. I have incredible news.

Attention, neighbors. An important part of any relationship is vulnerability...

Attention, neighbors. It's me again.

Audience Laughing ]

Awesome, Dad! You,re the most abortion hating, stem cell research opposing...

Awesome. So here's what I think we should do.

Baby, you treat me so fine.

Baby, you,re gonna shine tonight shine the stars down from heaven.

Back me up and I'll buy it for you.

Back of the line.

Bacon fled and was arrested 20 minutes later, across the country, in Hollywood.

Bad guy? Look who's talking.

Bad Stan!

Bad Stan! I don't know. I like it both ways.

Bad Stan! Oh, oh, I meant to say, "Bad Stan!... and then slapyou.

Bad Stan. Bad Stan!

Baseball.

Be nice.

Be ready for that dawn

Beat it. Roger never wants to see you again.

Beats me. One minute I,m talking about President Nixon and Jane Fonda...

Beautiful,Jane. That fork thing genius.

Because Greg is a bastard!

Because I am hurting. Very much so.

Because I didn't think of it.

Because I entered us in a little couples competition down at the rink.

Because Paco is a person.

Because that's the last fun you're gonna have for a long time.

Because that's what prison's like, right?

Because the economics of television have changed, Steve

Because the thought of you being with someone else was driving me crazy.

Because there's only been one mutant. He was half human, half divine.

Because they,re letting me speak at the convention.

Because they're no longer our neighbors.

Because Travis is such a loner, he's desperate for any interaction...

Because when stupid people get nervous, they talk about shiny things.

Because winning some stupid contest means more to you than your own wife!

Because you got caught in the gravity of my invite.

Because you,ve forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

Because you're not my alien.

Because your son stopped by the office today and dropped off this.

Before a dangerous mission back in the,80s.

Before she goes to Vietnam and ruins Christmas.

Before you go, I have your Bush essays.

Behold the Pibbmobile.

Beloved. I feel I am beloved.

Ben Roethlisberger.

Ben..

Better. We're getting a Ping Pong table.

Bingo!Forty seven days into his presidency...

Bingo.

Blood for oil.

Bob, no.

Bob, no.

Bob, would you say this is where they put the "Pibb" in "Mr. Pibb"?

Bobby Brown. He's black. Bobby Brown. I did it.

Born in the bayou.

Boy, I have never told a guy about my nose job on the first date before.

Boy, that that was exciting, huh?

Boy, this is the first time I've relaxed since I took office, and it feels good.

Boy, you are rusty.

Boys are ready?

Brandeis. Reformed. Ashkenazi. Haven't seen the car.

Breakfast blend? That could work. Where are the filters?

Bret, Bret. Tell this guy I,m okay.

Bruce Willis wants them. That girl who played Tank Girl wants them.

Buck up. We,re gonna make it through this. We still have 20 bucks.

Buckle was right. Mutants!

Buckle? Do people go by "Buckle"?

Buddy, I'm not ready yet.

Bueno. Muchasgracias, Toshi

Bullock moved my desk to the bathroom.

Bullock's made us work late every night this week.

Buried behind the Olive Garden. The one in Richmond.

But after what you did to your brother, you,re just heartless!

But America's a big boy now, and so am I.

But as "regardless... is already negative, it's a logical absurdity.

But ask me if I want a mimosa.

But ask yourself, will you jackknife or cannonball?

But back home, you said you were about to make a fortune in silver.

But Cleveland constructed an ingenious plan...

But don't you have to start charging eventually?

But every night, he returns to this very factory...

But first I'm gonna need something from you.

But gay men are never catty.

But how about that Jodie Foster? Pretty hot, huh?

But I am! I,ve changed! You gotta believe me!

But I can't be running around and making you grilled cheese for the next 18 years.

But I can't keep them out here forever. There's only one thing to do.

But I can't promise anything.

But I checked the hotel for all the Smiths

But I couldn't help feeling you were one good sentence away

But I did meet someone

But I do well, though. I make a living. I'm comfortable. Waiter.

But I don't understand, sir.

But I have a faculty meeting in the morning.

But I must have you.

But I never want you to find out. So it's just for me to know.

But I was so competitive I couldn't accept we'd lost.

But I will come home and tell you about it.

But if Francine thinks this is gonna save our marriage..

But If I hear that you die before me, I'll leave a rose on your grave every year.

But if that were true, that would mean my son is a worthless piece of crap...

But if this doesn't work out, remember, I told you...

But in my heart I knew it. I knew you wouldn't have sex with her.

But it doesn't mean we stop respecting you.

But it seems like that blind date was a big success.

But it was all for nothing. The association refused to change our score.

But it was an accident. That doesn't make you a monster.

But it was the regionals and I wanted to win more than anything.

But it's really they who pretend to teach me.

But just think, soon we,ll be able to mate worry free.

But knowing you feel this way has turned me right around.

But life

But maybe we can make do with some Michelob Ultra and diet pills.

But my desk is right here.

But nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see.

But now he's left me. And look how old Maria's gotten.

But now he's older, breaking free

But now I know it's just fun! That Peanuts Christmas special finally makes sense.

But now I've got all this responsibility and pressure.

But now the liberals have decided that Christmas is offensive

But now you,ve inspired me.

But only because that is what I want.

But please wait 30 minutes before eating...

But relax. This isn't a bad thing. It's an opportunity.

But Stan was about to learn...

But that's the surprise. You think my stories won't end, but they do.

But the code. I was so sure.

But the guy just doesn't get it!

But the most important part of Christmas is you and the kids.

But then we discovered he plagiarized a chunk of it from Willy Wonka.

But they did choose to be Republicans

But they were supposed to be on the hook.

But this is the only peanut plant in this whole place.

But we can't afford that.

But we're just two consumers. How can we possibly do this alone?

But we're supposed to play the July 4th Festival.

But we've based so much of our love on your soda.

But what about my investments? What about all my racehorses?

But when I,m Agathor, there is no pain, no wedgies, no heartache.

But when something in the past gets changed, it affects the future!

But who would do something so awful?

But why did we have to come to a Burger King to read the map?

But you began arguing over who would shower first.

But you don't need it, Francine. You,re already a mother.

But you screwed things up. You have to make them right.

But you told me we hate the gays.

But you won't... I've forgotten my point.

But you, you have a sex garden...

But you,re clearly not the kind of person we want speaking for us at the convention.

But you,re never gonna win an Oscar hopped up on the dope.

But you,re not married, and you,re a total whore!

But you're so young

But, and we mean it, don't bring a thing.

But, Mr. Bacon, you've already had five premium bottles.

But, no, she had to revitalize their dying movement...

But, Stan, if the Soviets control the U.S., there really won't be a Christmas.

But, Stan, we have to do something.

Buy Moby Dick and tear it up... by Monday.

Buy the house, don't buy, you're comped. Don't let it influence your decision.

Bwap! Did my interpretive dance sell it?

By doing my own play about Abraham Lincoln.

By finding stupid people and mocking them.

By God, these people love America as much as they love brunch.

By going to North Vietnam and humanizing the enemy.

By the way, can you believe this kid tax?

Bye bye. See you soon.

Can I borrow a quarter?

Can I borrow some money? I'm all out of Cougar Boost.

Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?

Can I have everyone's attention? I,ve just been handed this injunction...

Can I say, Jacob, your nose job, the doctor did fantastic work.

Can it! You,re the Adam Sandler of this house.

Can we take one of those old western photos together?

Can you believe we'll meet Denzel Washington?

Can you bring me a towel?

Can you drop me off at the dealership? They gotta repack me.

Can you guys believe it? We,re about to skinny dip with Svetlana.

Can you keep it down? Huh? No one's looking at you.

Can you tell me the last place I used it?

Can you think of anything more American?

Can't a brother get a "Run, Roger...?

Can't a guy sit in the closet and get drunk with Francine's shoes...

Can't even drink myself to death.

Can't have nice things!

Can't reach it. Steve, I'll help you up.

Can't tell how many people tried to pee on me that summer.

Can't we just stay up here with Buckle?

Can't you watch Grey's Anatomy with a non blended drink?

Careful. These stairs will be dangerous without a banister.

Carl, fix Agent Smith's car so that it will start.

Carry the noodle...

Cars.

Carved everything you see.

Carver? The peanut butter guy?

Celine Dion.

Chapter One.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, listen to me.

Charlie? Charlie? What's your name again?

Check it out. I blinded us with science.

Check it out. It's so sensitive, you can hear a moth fart.

Check your fingernails for dirt.

Cheese makes me feel better.

Cheetah.

Cheetos.

Childhood stolen from them, forced to grow up before they're ready.

Chlorine. Bromine. Crap.

Chowing down on Dunkaroos

Christmas is dead!

CIA. Your house has been seized to help in the war on terror.

Classic Bob.

Clearly Jon Stewart was ****d as a child.

Cleveland learned of a black botanist who had hundreds of uses for peanuts.

Click on "Over 35 and Never Married."

Clorox bleach gets your whites white.

Coffee! I'll get you coffee. How do you take it?

Cold water? Great idea. Pool hopping.

Come back here, baseball.

Come in, come in. Now, I love these built ins.

Come on, already.

Come on, Anne Heche, you confused son of a bitch.

Come on, boys.

Come on, Debbie.

Come on, Don. I'm just an actress.

Come on, Francine, I'm sick of working late.

Come on, honey. I just wanted to show you that you,re more important to me than winning.

Come on, kids, let's just go home. You can ride in the back.

Come on, let's go watch you die

Come on, mountain man. Come to papa.

Come on, people. Give me one original way to assassinate somebody...

Come on, Stan! Let me show you how much fun ice skating can be!

Come on, Steve. You're our only hope to save Jeff.

Come on, Sveti! Ditch the suit!

Come on, you're not still mad about last night are you?

Come on. Come on. We can still fix this.

Come on. It's brilliant.

Come on. Let's keep this convention pure. Just like you taught me.

Come under the big tent. The Grand Old Party just got grander.

Come with me.

Concentrate very hard and try to switch souls with this beetle.

Condoms, diaphragm, can of sperm repellent.

Congratulations, Smith, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

Congratulations. You just made your first million.

Consuela!

Corn fields, a silo, behind a cow, under a tractor

Cougar Boost energy drink. I gotta cram for finals.

Couldn't be happy with just being the tooth fairy.

Couldn't rise to the occasion, not even a little

Course, you've also ingested enough poisonous berries to kill a small elephant.

Creamy. No, no, that means nothing.

Crowd's a little older, but, boy, do they love wang.

Cucumber sandwich! Tight!

Cup of your hottest coffee, please.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Cut!

Dad kidnapped Jeff, but he got away and now he's hiding at his dad's farm.

Dad was telling the truth.

Dad would never do anything that mean.

Dad, a museum curator was murdered and his dying message led me to this

Dad, Bush is gone.

Dad, do you know anything about fossils?

Dad, he doesn't have any. He's an unregistered visitor.

Dad, I'm old enough to decide who to do my report on.

Dad, Old Glory wasn't a flag.

Dad, stop.

Dad, there it is.

Dad, you can help me with my report.

Dad, you can't just uproot people from their homes.

Dad, you can't let Steve and Roger stay in the tree house.

Dad.

Dad. Dad.

Dad. Dad. Dad.

Dad's trying to scare us again so we'll respect him.

Daddy, Daddy.

Daddy, do something. No one's looking at me.

Daddy's breaking all the presents Chinese kids made for me.

Damn it, Francine! What's so hard about doing it flawlessly the first time?

Damn it, Roger, he's getting away!

Damn it, Roger! Get a hold of yourself!

Damn it, Roger. I warned you. You should have listened. I told you...

Damn it, this isn't over! Not by a long shot!

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it. Where would Hayley take a drunken president?

Damn right. Here they come.

Damn. Gotta be all self running and whatnot.

Damn. The Lipton woman outfoxed me again.

Dang it. It's been so long, I forget.

Daniela, I was tougher on you than all the rest...

Danny doesn't know where Bin Laden is because Bin Laden doesn't live in DC.

Dark forces have banded together

Darling, I,ve changed. Let me show you how much I care about you.

Darling, I'm here because I'm a big fan of your bears.

Dead in the cornfield, crows pecking out your eyes. Mama can't find you for weeks.

Dead kid. Mama's crying as she takes your crayon drawings off the fridge.

Debbie broke up with me.

Debbie.

Defecit loving, affirmative action despising, Bible thumping xenophobe I know.

Deformed? I'm just as God made me, madam

Delicious, refreshing, and totally lacking in pretension.

Delightful.

Democrats weren't born Democrats.

Desperate...

Destroying your children's presents and terrifying Roger?

Dictate how we celebrate Jesus, birthday?

Did he fail because our viewers didn't buy enough bears?

Did I ever tell you about this choice burrito I had...

Did it work?

Did it work?

Did somebody say "hot wire"?

Did someone order a sexy Persian wingman?

Did you enjoy the barbecue, sir?

Did you enjoy your Steak umms, Henry?

Did you even read the invitation?

Did you know Abe had a personal bodyguard named Captain David Derick son?

Did you know D.N.A. is in poo? ,Cause I sure didn't.

Did you know Greg and Terry have an illegal alien walking their dog?

Did you know he's in Sylvan?

Did you see Stan filling his pockets with shrimp?

Did you see that, Hayley? They respect me

Did you see that? The Indian?

Didn't look like you were talking to your reflection.

Didn't we already go through a security check?

Didn't you hear?

Dig in. We'll use the pelt for napkins and save the wishbone for game night.

Do I have the finger?

Do something!

Do we milk this Bacon thing for all the free stuff we can get?

Do you even know what a chromosome is?

Do you expect me to take your word...

Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?

Do you have your high school diploma? No? They got that too?

Do you know how much you screwed up my life?

Do you know what super diarrhea is, Stan?

Do you live here? Because I could live here.

Do you really have to go right this second?

Do you want manufacturers of super tight T shirts to go out of business?

Do you want to crawl back to your idiot father and admit you were wrong?

Do you, Patrick, promise to..

Do, do, do, do, do

Doing tequila shots, Jell O shooters, Cement Mixers, Dr. Pepper Bombs...

Domino, bitch

Don't be frightened by the way I look. I'm gentle and kind.

Don't be ridiculous. I can't cheat on you

Don't complain to me when you can't rip up your midterm.

Don't diminish my invention.

Don't even think about running.

Don't forget our soiree on the third.

Don't judge me, fatty!

Don't know what it meant.

Don't know. Nobody's seen him for days.

Don't look at me. I'm hideous. I'm a noseless freak.

Don't look at me. That's tap water. Oh, wait, that was vodka.

Don't panic. We'll start a grassroots campaign to save Mr. Pibb.

Don't say that. We'll get through this

Don't they have college on your planet?

Don't try to find me.

Don't turn this around. You missed your curfew.

Don't worry about being suspended.

Don't worry, babies. Help is on the way.

Don't worry, buddy, we'll get you fixed up.

Don't worry, honey. I'll help you put this horrible business behind you.

Don't worry. I wasn't trying to kill you. I'm just a drunk driver.

Don't worry. Sutherland's my new target.

Don't worry. There are ways to treat it:

Don't you feel like you,re kind of missing out on your actual life?

Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think that's a better story than two grown ups ice skating?

Don't you yell al him, Gilbert. He's your brother.

Don'you tell me you voted for he who shall not be named!

Donald Sutherland!

Donald Sutherland?

Double Scotch.

Driving. I think it was the car.

Dropped my Rolos.

Dude, that rocked. Who are you?

Dude, what am I doing wrong?

Dude.

Dumb ass.

Duper, the president will be coming to your house for dinner.

Each one for a different man I slept with.

Earned run average?

Either you are or you,re not. It's not a choice.

Eleven forty. If I don't email this to work by midnight, it doesn't count.

Enjoy.

Enough. Give me the jar and let's be done with it.

Especially not a chilled bottle of Clos du Bois Chardonnay.

Esperanza, get Patti LaBelle a Calistoga.

Esteban Mortia is back in business.

Ethan, I wanted people to think I was smart. But I,m an idiot.

Ethically, I don't think I should.

Europe was created by history, America by philosophy.

Even Debbie didn't find you attractive.

Even if it means I have to talk to the creepy librarian with the burned ear.

Even if it's just with his own reflection.

Even in Catcher in the Rye. Filthy, filthy book.

Even though, as Republicans, we used bashing them...

Evening. Evening. Making things even.

Eventually.

Ever since I first became a father, I,ve dreamed of being done with kids.

Every day was Tanqueray

Every night Bacardi

Every time I try to access a site, I get this:

Everyone hates everyone. So I'm not despised.

Everyone knows the juiciest fruit is bought on the roadside.

Everyone, remain calm. Bears won't attack if you're perfectly still.

Everyone's looking!

Everyone's looking! Everyone's looking!

Everything was going so well

Everything's so delicious. Mr. Smith, can you pass the potatoes?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Excellent. We,re having a mixer at our headquarters later tonight.

Except I'm you.

Except there won't be a 4.

Except your nights will be filled with unsheathed, unwrapped pounding.

Excuse me, ladies.

Excuse me, miss.

Expecting someone a little less take you to jail y?

Explaining the premise of Quantum Leap to the guy.

Face, that's catch your dream money, that's what that is. So what's the scam?

Fantastic performance, Stan. This is BretandJason.

Fantastic. I'll handle all the arrangements.

Fantastic. Why didn't I know about the Log Cabin Republicans before?

Farewell, simpleton.

Fell prey to the carnivorous hawk that is my mind.

Fifty grand?

Finally someone brave enough to take a swipe at New Jersey.

Finally, my ear popped.

Finally, the..

Find the keys, Steve. Take us to the keys.

Find the monocle.

Fine, Stan. But if you don't want her to say "I told you so"...

Fine.

Fine. They can sing in the festival.

Finger in a Hot Pocket. Oh, wait, still need a finger.

Finished. Buckle's got nothing on me.

First thing we,ll need to do is raise $80 to buy you a costume.

First thing you gotta do is let me soup up your car a scooch.

First time anyone's come to see me in a year and a half.

First up, a life size Margaret Thatcher robot.

First, your boss called about you leaving...

Five times. I wanted to make sure it was consistently meaningless, and it was.

Flavored syrup is then mixed with thousands of gallons of water.

Florida? We're in Florida? Man, I can't be in Florida!

Follow that, bitch.

Follow your heart and get rid of anything that stands in the way of your dreams.

For as long as I can remember you telling me I,ve dreamed of this day.

For Francine.

For God's sake, Republicans are the people who say we can't get married.

For he who is not afraid to risk life and limb for a neighbor in need...

For the Supreme Court? Is there a vacancy?

Foreplay, then intercourse!

Forget it. I think we should go with our first choice:

Forget it. I'm tired of looking at you. Go down to the lake.

Forget it. You,ll stay off my man zone until you,re in hot flashes.

Forget your crazy dream of popping corn above sea level.

Forget your report on Carver. Just do it on Will Smith.

Forgive me, O great and powerful Agathor!

Forming the possessive singular of nouns...

Fought for this country.

Francine and I are gonna go have the maritals.

Francine cried and cried

Francine doesn't think things that she doesn't say. She's not a dog.

Francine followed her husband He's a superhero?

Francine followed her husband at a safe distance.

Francine told me all about your partner's injury. But you,re past that.

Francine was dangerously close to saying the four words...

Francine, a long time ago, I hurt someone.

Francine, get dinner ready. The president's hungry.

Francine, he has the third rated Sunday talk show. He loses to Bob Schieffer.

Francine, I came back here to save Christmas.

Francine, I finally found you.

Francine, I thought about what you said about having a baby.

Francine, I will make these people like me.

Francine, I,m going to completely lose my Christmas cheer...

Francine, I,ve told you, sandwiches should be cut in triangles...

Francine, it's time you learned the truth.