Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Mega Soundboard Edit

A la jolla man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool

A real ice queen

A steak a big steak for him please

Absolutely my wild love tigress

Actually that's a point of pride i'm very proud of my mane of pubic hair thank you

After the fotomat was destroyed the bear scampered back into the woods

Afternoon delight

Afternoon delight (2)

All clear

All clear (2)

All right

All right deep down in my stomach with every inch of me I pure straight hate you

All right everyone I just got a call from network

All right gentlemen let's get a good position for the story

All right guys let's focus up

All right let's do my sign off and get out of here

All right let's do this

All right let's go

All right stop stop what you're doing right now

All right we're on

All right you go over there and see if you can get a shot i'll go this way

All right!

Also I don't know if you know moscow it's pretty cold you might wanna buy a coat

Am I right look at these guys

An ultrasound of ling wong the most famous panda in the world shows her baby is doing quite well

And everything started to move awfully fast after her big break

And I like to cut

And i'm ron burgundy

And i'm ron burgundy (2)

And i'm tits i'm ron burgundy

And i've shown you old man

And in san diego one anchorman was more man than the rest

And of course my friend baxter here

And ron and veronica didn't stay in san diego long

And some day we'll look back on this with much fondness yeah

And speaking of network word on the street is they're looking for a new anchor so ron

And suits so fine they made sinatra look like a hobo

And thanks for stopping by but mainly stay classy

And that of course was our newest reporter veronica corningstone

And that's it now let's do this

And the decision has been passed down to make veronica our co anchor

And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting

And the winner of the frog leaping contest was hoppy with a jump of seven feet ten inches

And then our children will form a family band

And there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs and we will dance till the sun rises

And they're still doing it today

And this is the moment the entire world has been waiting for

And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited

And when you left the hurt was so deep

And you ate a whole wheel of cheese

And you know what the worst part about it is she's better than me

And your reporter in the field brian fantana

And your reporter in the field brian fantana (2)

Antony and cleopatra!

Anyhow what can I do you for

Anyone seen brick

Anyway i've become kind of famous for my signature catchphrase 'whammy!'

Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints

Are we what

Are you and champ having a good time today

Are you happy

Are you high or something did you see what happened

Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them

Are you ok how did you get down there

Are you ready for our rendez vous?

Are you saying there's a party in your pants and i'm invited

Are you sure ed

Area bank robbery in a daring early morning

Arnold cue one

As far as i'm concerned corningstone's fair game

As for the news team

As in gene tenace at the plate and whammy! whammy!

Back booth at charlie lancer's friday night

Bark twice if you're in milwaukee

Basically the biggest story of my career launching me to a level i've never known before

Baxter

Baxter is that you baxter!

Baxter!

Bear fight!

Because I am good at three things fighting screwing and reading the news now i've already done one of those today so what's the other one gonna be

Because the only way to win is to be the best the very best

Begin

Believe me if there's one thing ron burgundy knows it's women

Besides i'm sure wes here is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again

Bite it! bite it! i'm gonna bite it! yes

Bob dylan once wrote the times they are a changin' ron burgundy had never heard that song so when he fell he fell hard

Boy he really likes that dog

Boy that escalated quickly I mean that really got out of hand fast

Brian fantana

Brian fantana (2)

Brian fantana went on to have great success as the host of the hit reality tv show intercourse island on the fox network

Brick before I let you go are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer

Brick can't sleep at night

Brick get back over here

Brick I thought this was a short cut

Brick killed a guy

Brick tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the bush white house

Brick tamland weather

Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll huh

Burgundy of course was the foundation the rock

Burgundy! burgundy! burgundy!

But each member brought their own special something to the equation

But goddamn it do I respect you

But he's very cute no he's not he's hairy

But I also nicknamed my testes my left one is james westfall and my right one is dr kenneth noisewater

But in order to properly retell it i'm going to need some help from my co anchor miss veronica corningstone

But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional

But now I am too hurt I am shocked and offended and hurt

But soon with a simple act of littering everyone's life would change forever

But this is not a date

But while they're laughing and grab assing i'm chasing down leads and practicing my non regional diction

But you and I are mature adults we've both seen our share of pornographic materials

By the beard of zeus

Calm down breathe ron

Can you believe mantooth and the whole channel 9 evening news team

Can't think of anything to say now can you

Cannonball!

Carry on my wayward son for there'll be peace when you are done

Certainly

Champ come on

Champ here

Champ kind

Champ kind sports

Champ kind went on to be a commentator for the nfl but was later fired after being accused of sexual harassment by terry bradshaw

Champ you're trying to touch my breast aren't you

Champ's been a mess

Channel 4 news with five time emmy award winning anchor ron burgundy

Children grow up

Ching king is inside right now

Come again you know I don't speak spanish in english please

Come get a taste

Come hug me I know you want to

Come on give him a hand

Come on let's go! these people are about to pull you apart

Come on!

Come on! oh god! this is getting to be ri god damn diculous!

Como estan bitches spanish language news is here

Corningstone was a star

Count me down three

Damn it

Damn it (2)

Damn it get me a phone I can't believe i'm about to do this

Damn it who typed a question mark on the teleprompter

Damn it!

Damn that dude cleans up good

Darling I did the news and I nailed it I nailed it!

Darling i'm so glad you're all right

Darling! i've spent all day cleaning your emmys and preparing dinner in the nude

Did brian tell you to say this

Did I say that loud

Did you just throw a burrito out your window

Did you throw a trident

Directly from wypn in asheville north carolina

Discovered by the germans in 1904 they named it san diago which of course in german means a whale's vagina

Diversity means that times are changing and with that in mind

Do as the romans do

Do it it's the story you were born to tell

Do not look at me right now walking around the office

Do you even know what you just said

Do you know who I am

Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it

Does she tuck you in ronnie give you a little kiss on your forehead tell you everything's gonna be ok

Doesn't it mean saint diego

Don't act like you're not impressed

Don't cry don't cry he's not crying he's not crying don't cry in my

Don't cry please

Don't get me wrong I love the ladies they rev my engine but they don't belong in the news room!

Don't say anything just let it happen

Don't you feel better now

Don't you get it ron I want to be an anchor

Don't you know I would never say fuck fuck!

Don't you know I would never say the word fuck I would never fuckin' ever fuckin' say that! ever!

Dorothy mantooth is a saint! do you understand me dorothy mantooth is a saint!

Downstairs

Drinks are on tino tonight

Dump out

Easy

Easy compadre i'm your friend out here

Ed harken

Ed harken (2)

Ed harken (3)

Ed! hello!

Every news man in this city is laughing at us and I don't like it

Everyone just relax all right

Everyone on the floor as well

Everyone relax she's not going to take anyone's airtime

Everyone why are we all standing around let's go

Excuse me

Excuse me gentlemen

Excuse me is that sex panther you're wearing

Excuse me press excuse me i'm press thank you

Excuse me veronica

Excuse me what are you doing

Excuse me what are you doing (2)

Excusez moi numero two

Fan out let's go find harken

Fantana

Fantastic

Fare thee well baxter you shall always be friend of the bears

Fine i'll try to eat one

Fire up ronnie

For all of us here at news center 4 i'm ron burgundy

For now why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen

For the channel 4 news team i'm ron burgundy

For the last time anything you put on that prompter burgundy will read

Frame up two

From all of us at the world news center i'm veronica corningstone

From all of us here at channel 4 news i'm veronica corningstone and thanks for stopping by san diego

From the entire channel 4 news team i'm veronica corningstone

From there on out things just got worse for ron burgundy

Gentlemen there was a time when you called me your lead anchor

Gentlemen you look great

Get corningstone over there right away

Get down here as quickly as you can

Get it going ronnie

Get out here panda jerk

Get out just go we are through through! because of your actions you scorpion woman

Get your hands off him you bastards!

Go fuck yourself san diego

Go to the zoo flip off the monkeys

God no it smells like a used diaper filled with indian food excuse me

God you are so beautiful

Goddamn son of

Gonna find my baby gonna hold her tight gonna grab some afternoon delight

Good afternoon san diego

Good evening

Good evening i'm ron burgundy

Good evening i'm ron burgundy and this is what's happening in your world tonight

Good evening san diego i'm lead anchor veronica corningstone

Good evening san diego i'm veronica corningstone

Good luck lady

Good one

Great

Great story compelling and rich

Guess what I do I know that one day veronica and I are going to get married on top of a mountain

Guys east harlem shakedown e flat

Guys it's me ron fellas!

Guys take it easy she's got feelings too

Harken will fire us if we talk to you

Have the courage to say something hello! hello!

Have you ever thought about fighting fire with fire

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr

He is ready to do battle in the arena against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined

He said heinie

He took him he took him with his foot and he kicked him that's what he did

He wants me back but I can't do this without my news team

He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals

He'll be here

Heinie

Helen said you needed to see me

Helen where's the party

Hell I need you i'm a mess without you I miss you so damn much I miss being with you I miss being near you I miss your laugh I miss your scent I miss your musk

Hello

Hello (2)

Hello (3)

Hello (4)

Hello edward

Hello evening news team

Hello everyone

Hello marco! polo!

Hello neighbor

Hello this is mike rithjin from the network

Hello this is ron hello who's there i'm talking hello who is this

Hello wes mantooth

Help

Help (2)

Help (3)

Here are the stories we'll be chasing today

Here comes trouble

Here we go again every station it's the same

Here you are mr burgundy the chef made this special for you

Here's a story of a 103 year old woman out in chula vista who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meatloaf

Here's the thing I don't trust this chick

Hey aqualung!

Hey burgundy!

Hey come on! it's me papa burgundy all right

Hey everybody shut the hell up ron burgundy's on

Hey gang papa's home

Hey i'm riding a furry tractor

Hey lady in the red hat yeah

Hey lady why don't you go fetch me a sandwich

Hey leave the mothers out of this all right it's not necessary

Hey nut job quit the singing you're creeping out all the regulars

Hey ron

Hey ron (2)

Hey ron what's up

Hey sweet cheeks got an invite i'd like to extend your way

Hey where did you get those clothes at the toilet store

Hey you watch yourself mister

Hey you're making me look stupid

Hey! is she going to live with us because I am not cool with that

Hi

High pressure system

His name is nutty the squirrel and he's three years old

His name was ron burgundy

Hit them in the uvula

Hold on

Hold on hold on!

Hold on I wanna just say a few words you have always been a good friend always

Hold on veronica

Honestly i'm

Honey I am so glad you're home

Hope i'm not disturbing you but I saw you from across the party and

Hot pot of coffee!

How about that that squirrel can water ski

How are you you look awfully nice tonight maybe don't wear a bra next time

How did you do that actually i'm not even mad that's amazing

How do you lose your lead anchor

How does the hair look

How much time 30 30 seconds

How now brown cow

Howie got the shot

I am a damn good journalist and this cat show thing is grade a baloney

I am completely miserable san diego

I am full of it tonight

I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation it wasn't cotton candy like that guy said

I believe I did

I believe it's jogging or yogging it might be a soft j i'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time it's supposed to be wild

I brian! it's ronnie!

I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many I don't know if you heard me counting I did over a thousand

I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda but if I had to guess i'd say female

I can see you ron I can see you

I can't

I can't believe I cared for you

I can't believe that you said we were dating on the air

I can't believe this every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this

I can't believe you did this to me are you happy

I can't believe you did this to me you read my news

I can't find corningstone

I chose them as my replacement and they became the first mixed gender network news team

I could be wrong but I believe diversity is an old wooden ship that was used during the civil war era

I could come back later

I could do that

I dabble

I did not see that coming!

I did see that was a terrific little spill that's quite a raspberry

I don't

I don't I didn't understand one word you said are you ok

I don't know

I don't know a ned

I don't know her name what is it lanolin like sheep's wool

I don't know how to put this but i'm kind of a big deal

I don't know ron

I don't know ron that sounds kind of crazy

I don't know that was half a lifetime ago we're different people now

I don't know what it means

I don't know what to say I just I got excited

I don't know what we're yelling about!

I don't like the put downs

I don't remember

I don't usually do this but I felt compelled to tell you something

I don't want to die

I drank a lava lamp it wasn't lava

I even wrote it down in my diary veronica had a very funny joke today I laughed at it later that night

I forgive you

I frigging love you! I frigging love you back!

I got nothing all I can see is that blue curtain

I gotta fire you

I guess I have to take you at your word number two

I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best show off

I hate cats

I hate you

I hate you more

I hate you ron burgundy I hate you!

I hate you ron burgundy I hate you! (2)

I have been on some serious reports but nothing quite like this

I have no idea where he would have gotten a hold of german pornography

I have nothing left! nothing! i've been reduced to rubble!

I have some information that you can choose to use or not use up to you

I have something so magnificent to tell you

I have very little time to get to the gym so I have to sculpt my guns at the office

I immediately regret this decision

I just burned my tongue

I just can't believe what ron did to you

I just don't know if I can go through that again

I just want you all to know that I look forward to contributing to this news station's already sterling reputation

I just want you to know that if ron does not show up I am ready to go on

I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain but I didn't have a mountain I had a newsroom and a camera

I knew it! there's somebody in the bear pit

I know exactly what you mean

I know I love this city

I know it sounds harsh but god does not want her to live

I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes I have a nickname for my penis it's called the octagon

I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks

I liked your sign off line too

I look good I mean really good hey everyone come and see how good I look

I look like hell I got bags under my eyes

I love carpet

I love desk

I love lamp

I love lamp I love lamp

I love my life!

I love poetry and a glass of scotch

I love scotch scotchy scotch scotch here it goes down down into my belly

I make fart noises with my mouth

I mean come on ed it's bull crap!

I mean that's stupid

I mean think about what you're asking man

I mean where's your mommy someone's gotta change your diapers

I met her in the bathroom of a kmart and we made out for hours

I might be in trouble on that one

I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen

I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead

I need to use this machine so I can watch a tape for a story

I pooped a cornish game hen

I pooped a hammer

I pooped a tape recorder

I read somewhere that their periods attract bears the bears can smell the menstruation

I realize that but sometimes you got to look in the mirror and say 'when in rome'

I said your hair looks stupid

I saw that

I still don't quite understand what it means

I tell you it don't get no better than this

I tell you what it's just not working

I think I was in love once

I think the best thing to do with this corningstone to keep her in line is bed her quick

I think you've got a story to report

I thought he was mr dependable

I thought you were kidding I thought it was a joke

I told you I wanted to be an anchor

I told you that

I tried to ask her out on a date

I tried to get an interview with him but they said no you can't do that he's a live bear he will literally rip your face off

I used to date a guy named hoppy in alabama he was quite a jumper too

I wanna lick you! I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy

I want a shot of that panda being born

I want to be on you

I want to be on you (2)

I want to say something I want to put it out there and if you like it you can take it if you don't send it right back

I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!

I was just speaking in generalities

I was just wondering if you knew when my office will be ready

I was like who was that guy

I wasn't expecting company

I will be in make up

I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body sir

I will not eat cat poop

I will not eat cat poop!

I will not eat that!

I will not have my news room be divided

I will say one thing for her she does have a nice big old behind i'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt and just

I will smash your face into a car windshield then take your mother dorothy mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again

I will tell tales of your compassion

I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel I mean it literally hell of it is damn thing's still alive

I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old wooden ship but nice try

I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party

I'd put brick on but unless he's tracking a storm front he's completely useless

I'll be down there and i'm going to look good

I'll be honest I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore

I'll eat the entire hunk of shit

I'll eat the shit! I don't care

I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no pants dance

I'll take a manhattan kick the vermouth with a pair of steel toed boots

I'll take you to foggy london town because you are what my little gentleman

I'll think about it

I'm a little embarrassed

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the eiffel tower out of metal and brawn that's what kind of man I am

I'm a professional and I would like to be able to do my job

I'm a professional doctor

I'm actually nervous

I'm actually taking them back right now taking them back to the pants store

I'm all about having fun you know get a couple of cocktails in me start a fire in someone's kitchen maybe go to sea world take my pants off

I'm all right

I'm bad I need to go to the principal's office

I'm brick tamland

I'm coming after you

I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!

I'm friends with merlin olsen too he comes over on occasion

I'm getting another call

I'm getting some great stuff ms corningstone

I'm getting too old for this shit

I'm going to punch you in the ovary that's what i'm gonna do a straight shot right to the babymaker

I'm going to shoot you with a bb gun when you're not looking in the back of the head

I'm going to take a run at the new girl let the games begin

I'm going to walk I have a situation right now i'm trying to walk off

I'm gonna be honest with you that smells like pure gasoline

I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna make a phone call here freshen this up

I'm gonna quit saying things when they crop up there in the old skull

I'm gonna straight up murder your ass

I'm gonna walk i'm gonna walk this situation off then I will see you later

I'm having a great time

I'm having very strong feelings for you mr burgundy

I'm here we can do the news now

I'm in a glass case of emotion

I'm just going to grab this shirt if you don't mind

I'm not a baby i'm a man I am an anchorman

I'm not hearing it right hold on

I'm not prepared I really am not prepared at all this is a surprise i'll tell you

I'm on right now I don't believe you

I'm pretty sure that's not love

I'm proud of you fellows you all kept your head on a swivel and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight

I'm ron burgundy

I'm showing jeffrey my emmy tape

I'm sorry

I'm sorry (2)

I'm sorry all right

I'm sorry champ I think I ate your chocolate squirrel

I'm sorry I was trying to impress you

I'm sorry it's the it's the pleats it's actually an optical illusion it's the pattern on the pants it's not flattering in the crotchal region

I'm sorry!

I'm telling you she is a real ball buster

I'm telling you this corningstone business is hurting our rep

I'm telling you this lady has really crawled into ron's head

I'm the stylish one of the group

I'm veronica corningstone

I'm veronica corningstone for channel 4 news

I'm very aroused

I'm very happy for you

I'm very important I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany

I've been meaning to talk to you about that

I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time

I've got a big story for you and it's right here

I've got no damn lead anchor

I've got no heart because a she devil stole it

I've got to do the news

I've got to fire you

I've had a crush on you since I was a little girl let's go somewhere

I've had enough of you mantooth this is going to end right here right now

I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story

I've lost her

Ian would you like to go to a party in my pants

If I take one bite will you get me a steak if I take one bite of shit will you bring me a steak

If I were to give you some money out of my wallet would that ease the pain

If i'm going to do this i'll need my news team at my side

If you want to throw down fisticuffs fine i've got jack johnson and tom o'leary waiting for you right here

If you're going to have a fight don't forget channel 2 news with me lead anchor frank vitchard

In addition a lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team

In my travels I met one of your kind his name was katow jo we became friends

In other words ron burgundy was the balls

Is there an anchorman there

Is this ron

Is this wilt chamberlain

It did didn't it

It is anchorman not anchorlady and that is a scientific fact!

It is baloney

It is not baloney now go do your job missie

It is so awful

It jumped up a notch

It looks like ling wong the rare panda at the san diego zoo is pregnant

It looks like our broadcast last night received a two point ratings boost

It really does

It smells like bigfoot's dick!

It took my impending death for me to realize how much I need you

It was quite a show down here at the pet shack and just for today fashion curiosity did not kill the cat

It was supposed to be a joke! I mean it's still kind of funny but it's not

It was very hard for veronica but she was a pro and hung tough

It was wes mantooth I should have known

It's a fact it's the greatest city in the history of mankind

It's a formidable scent stings the nostrils in a good way

It's all right everyone we can do the news

It's all right I think it's all right my sweet chinchilla

It's always a long fall from the top isn't it

It's an old expression

It's boring but it's part of my life

It's channel 4 news at six o'clock

It's channel 4 news at six o'clock (2)

It's channel 4 news at six o'clock (3)

It's me ed

It's not a date

It's not important

It's probably not the same one probably not the same guy

It's quite pungent

It's ringing

It's so damn hot milk was a bad choice

It's terrible! she has beautiful eyes and her hair smells like cinnamon!

It's the deep burn it's so deep

It's the pancake breakfast we do it every month

It's very distracting

Jazz flute is for little fairy boys

Jeez

Jesus she's terrifying

Just doing my workout tuesday's arms and back

Just get it done

Just go get someone please

Just start cleaning your desk and we'll pick you up in the morning

Just take it easy champ why don't you stop talking for a while

Just watch out for the guns they'll get you

Katow jo is my cousin go in peace

Keep a tight perimeter

Keep the cymbals splashy and let's take the bass line for a walk

Keeping that in mind i'd like to introduce the latest addition to the kvwn news team

Knights of columbus that hurts

Ladies and gentlemen can I please have your attention

Lady lady

Last time I looked in the dictionary my name is ron burgundy

Laughing enjoying our friendship

Lay low for a while because you're probably wanted for murder

Lay your weary head to rest don't you cry no more

Leave these people alone they mean you no harm

Let 'em work it out it's between the two of 'em

Let me get this over here

Let me just grab this

Let the games begin

Let's dance dick weed

Let's go

Let's go get 'em guys

Let's go to brian fantana live on the scene with a channel 4 news exclusive brian

Let's hold on let's count to ten all right that's a rash decision ok is this about something else

Let's make whoopee and then i'm gonna go drinking with the news team for two days

Like this you take it like this

Listen can I start over again

Listen everybody ling wong the panda is giving birth

Listen ron miss corningstone disappeared in the midst of the biggest story of the year

Listen sweetheart we were so worried about you and we waited as long as we could but

Listen to burgundy he's gone soft on us like some schoolboy bitch

Listen up the ratings just came in for last month we are number one we just grabbed every key demographic

Little ham and eggs coming at you hold on people hope you got your griddles

Look at that full moon butt!

Look drunky you've been coming in here every day stinking up the joint with your craziness what the hell is wrong with you

Look he's going to put corningstone on he's gonna put corningstone on!

Look I just got the call from harken

Look I report the news that's what I do

Look my plan was to ask you if I could squire you about town as one professional helping another because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city

Look over here

Look the most glorious rainbow ever do me on it

Look they're following their mother it's instinct

Loud noises!

Lower your voice ron

Ma'am you will do the stories to which you are assigned

Magnificent you have hair like an angel

Make sure these guys don't party too much

Make way

Man

Man that's hilarious

May I take your order

Maybe sit the next couple of plays out know what I mean

Mike rithnithin

More than anything in the world

Morning everyone

Move!

Mr burgundy

Mr burgundy (2)

Ms veronica corningstone

My alabaster doll

My best friend ever right

My god! what is that smell

My hands are tied

My motto's always been 'when it's right it's right' why wait until the middle of a cold dark night

My stomach's itchy

Network are they here

Network talent scout

Never ceases to amaze me

News team let's hunt news team!

News team! assemble!

News team! assemble! (2)

Nice clothes gentlemen I didn't know the salvation army was having a sale

Nice work everyone

No

No brick

No brick go stand over there

No brick my sweet brick

No buy new suits

No commercials no mercy

No eye contact!

No hold on it's clear now

No I can't say that I do

No I don't want to go to a party in your pants

No I was saying that if we continue seeing each other that we should keep it relatively quiet around the station

No I was talking to you not her

No it's just parent stuff it seems our youngest chris was on something called acid and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd you know how kids are

No no I did it

No of course not

No ron don't

No ron i'm not!

No ron's coming

No she gets the special cologne it's called sex panther by odeon it's illegal in nine countries

No strictly professional doesn't mean we can't have fun

No that's very exciting

No that's what it means really

No the other thing love

No there's no way that's correct

No too many people died last year so we're not

No wait let me say something

No we're work associates I work at the station i'm a journalist

No you won't

No you're brick i'm brian

No!

No! (2)

No! I had one bite

No! no!

No! no! no!

No! yes no! si!

Nobody talks about my city that way

Nope

Nope (2)

Not bad ms corningstone not bad at all

Not so fast you ingrates

Nothing to look at go back to work everyone

Now before we do this let's go over the ground rules

Now I am gonna go on and if you wanna try and stop me bring it on

Now i'll be number one

Now that's a hot lead

Now this is happening

Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy

Of course

Of course I met a lady tonight this one was different I have to be honest quite different

Off the coast of tampa bay yesterday one lucky cameraman happened to catch an unusual aquatic daredevil

Oh baxter you are my little gentleman

Oh come on audrey

Oh did i

Oh god!

Oh god! (2)

Oh hi didn't see you there

Oh I almost forgot I won't be able to make it fellas veronica and I are trying this new fad called jogging

Oh i'm storming your castle on my steed my lady

Oh i've never heard of it it's wonderful though

Oh jeez

Oh look out next up it's whiskerus maximus

Oh ms corningstone

Oh my god! she said her first words!

Oh my god! we've got to do something

Oh no we woke up the momma

Oh ok this is a good guy

Oh please I am so hungry

Oh ron

Oh silly

Oh that tickles that tickles me come on

Oh there it is

Oh tino thank you thank you for letting me come in here i'm glad I can still get a good meal

Oh we're going there

Oh yeah

Oh you never have of course you haven't how stupid of me neither have i

Oh you're looking fantastic

Oh! by the hammer of thor!

Oh! great odin's raven

Oh! great odin's raven!

Oh! saint damien's beard!

Ok

Ok (2)

Ok (3)

Ok (4)

Ok and veronica corningstone she's just dying to quit her job so that she can take care of me and have babies

Ok bye bye

Ok I guess I could play a little ditty

Ok I understand have a nice day sir bye

Ok i'll get your sandwich

Ok let's finish it up

Ok well we will be honored if you would play jazz flute for us

Ok you know what that's uncalled for I can't work with this woman that's terrible

One slip and you're gone whammy

Or saving the woman I used to have familiar relations with

Ouch don't lose any more hair over it

Panda watch!

Papa's home there he is there's my little man you're ok

People call me the bri man

People know me

People seem to like me because i'm polite and i'm rarely late

Please

Policia!

Power

Power (2)

Public news team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass

Ready phil

Ready the announce

Really

Really (2)

Really (3)

Really a lot of hustle I liked it

Really what was her name

Really yes I do

Ribs I had ribs for lunch that's why i'm doing this

Right but I think my son is just going through a phase

Right i'll stop by the school a little later sister margaret bye

Right now it's 82 degrees in our fair city and compare that to 48 degrees in the upper northwest and 38 degrees in the middle east

Right when in rome

Rocky's bar grill fine dining

Roll in

Ron

Ron are you paying attention

Ron burgundy

Ron burgundy and the channel 4 news team

Ron burgundy is off tonight

Ron burgundy says no!

Ron burgundy stay classy

Ron burgundy will read anything that is put on that teleprompter and when I say anything I mean anything

Ron burgundy's about to report on pandas

Ron burgundy's ass is grass!

Ron in case we die here today there's something you should know

Ron is this you

Ron we just did it

Ron where are you going what are you crazy ron!

Ron why did you say that why why ron

Ron! are you ok

Ron! champ! ron!

Ron! ron I never wanted it to be like this

Ron's using the machine to play his local emmy acceptance speech from last year

Rub vaseline all over your heinie and tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's

Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite

Rule number one no touching of the hair or face

San diegans

San diegans out in front of the station

San diego drink it in it always goes down smooth

San diego ins san diego ans

San diego's waiting go get 'em

San diegons

Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago

Scotty I have the shot

Scotty! scotty!

Screwing

See what it's like when you're not here you're our leader look what you're doing to the group

Shall we

Sharp broadcast really good

She I think she bought it

She insisted on coming in

She is a saucy momma! I mean I would

She is just using you

She might want to get a coat

She vanished

She was brazilian or chinese or something weird

She's better than me

She's looking this way we should

She's making us look like a bunch of fools

She's really great i'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom

Sherri meet ron burgundy

Shoot she knew it was me

Shut up

Sir I will not have my first story at this news station be about a cat fashion show

Sky rockets in flight afternoon delight

So I got this shit covered squirrel down there in the office don't know what to name it

So I pick you up eight o'clock nine

So ron's not coming

So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow at nine

So what other passions do you have

So when we get to the pet shop

Someone punted him

Son of a bee sting she's turning the entire office against us

Son of a bitch!

Sorry

Sorry (2)

Sorry about that whammy!

Sorry sorry

Sounds like you have mental problems man

Stay

Stay classy

Stay classy ron burgundy

Stop calling your arms guns

Stop it

Stop it!

Strictly professional

Super duper that's nice way to go neato gang

Sure

Sure is good to be number one beats the hell out of number two

Sweet eli whitney's nose! it wasn't you was it

Sweet grandmother's spatula!

Sweetheart you and I have had this discussion a million times

Take me to pleasure town

Tasteful discretion is the name of the game

Tell her she should get a coat

Tell me about it

Thank you

Thank you (2)

Thank you brother

Thank you i'll go get my desk set up

Thank you scot

Thank you that felt good that felt really good

Thanks for stopping by

Thanks for stopping by (2)

That behind is driving me loco i'm like a night wolf

That dirty trick with the teleprompter it wasn't my

That doesn't make sense

That expression doesn't really apply to what i'm talking about what I was saying

That is good fondue

That is good news

That is some fantastic shot you got there

That makes two of us

That was one crazy party I am hungover

That will never happen if everyone in san diego thinks i'm your bimbo gal pal

That'll do it for us at six o'clock

That's a given

That's all right keep it rolling this is good stuff yeah I like this

That's baby making music that's what that is

That's bush bush league

That's completely uncalled for

That's going to do it for all of us here

That's how I roll

That's it

That's my chopper you just thrashed

That's my line

That's my line you say whenever you like

That's not a good start but keep going

That's not enough

That's the kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news

That's the smell of desire my lady

That's wonderful thank you!

The arsonist has oddly shaped feet

The bears have descended on the news team and it's not going well clearly after today I will

The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady

The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young where the blood drips down to the children for breakfast lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken in two

The human torch was denied a bank loan

The man on the motorcycle

The man punted baxter

The mood is tense

The motorcycle on the bridge I hit him with a burrito

The network is picking up the feed

The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show and see if she likes the goods

The party the pants with pants the party with pants

The truth is I don't really have a choice

Then i'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman

Then we parted ways never to see each other again

There

There are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead but I am 72 percent sure that I love you

There he is there he is come on

There she is veronica my little china doll

There was a time a time before cable when the local anchorman reigned supreme

There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident

There's 300 angry san diegoites

There's a network talent scout over here

There's never been a woman anchor

There's only one thing a man can do when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk

These bears are massive they looked a lot smaller from up there

They don't really ever listen to me

They named it san diego which in german means a whale's vagina

They want ron's blood they want to hurt you ron

They're just talking

They've done studies you know sixty per cent of the time it works every time

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite looking forward to a little afternoon delight

This burrito is delicious but it is filling

This city needs its news and you are gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts exquisite breasts

This is a big one now this could be the story of the summer network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage

This is a hot one

This is a mistake

This is a tough decision so much to think about

This is awkward

This is definitely a man's world

This is dr chim dr chim richalds

This is grim real grim

This is hard I am in a pickle

This is killing me to do this i'd rather slit my throat

This is nice gang just sitting here brown bagging it

This is pathetic

This is ridiculous I don't even remember doing this

This is ron burgundy proudly reporting once again for channel 4 news

This is so wonderful ed come here you big silly man! we did it

This is ted nightingale channel 6 news los angeles from the san diego zoo

This is the most ridiculous thing ever

This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier

This is your doctor I have your pregnancy report here and guess what you got knocked up so you should probably get out of the news

This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news

Those bears are gonna hurt them

Three men wearing ski masks made off with over 20000 dollars from an area bank in a daring early morning robbery

Time to musk up

Tino

Tino so good to see you how are you

Tino veronica

Tino's the finest club owner in the city

Tip of the cap to you as well ms corningstone

Tits mcgee is on vacation

To the news van

Today we spell redemption r o n

Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to san diago or even the world

Today's top story in ron burgundy's world read something like this I love veronica corningstone

Tonight's top story

Tonight's top story the sewers run red with burgundy's blood

Touchy situation

Turn the music off! i'm still talking!

Uncle jonathan's corn cob pipe!

Unique new york

Up a little

Veronica corningstone

Veronica corningstone (2)

Veronica corningstone and I had sex and now we are in love!

Veronica filled in for you

Veronica she put that in the teleprompter

Veronica!

Very good

Very well

Wait a minute pick up attempt i'm offended

Wait did you just hear something

Wait ed does this mean you're asking me to report the news again

Wait stop talking like that I can't understand you

Wait veronica please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke

Wait wait wait wait i

Wait what if just for tonight we weren't co workers we were co people

Way to handle it ron that was nice

We are laughing and we are very good friends good buddies sharing a special moment

We are watching history

We at public television we're really down with the woman's lib thing

We bears are a proud race they must pay for their intrusion

We go into the bear pit

We got it now it's all right

We have a saying in my country about people like him

We need you

We need you around

We need you down here right away

We really should be going I swore that I would never get involved with a co worker

We'll straighten it out later

We're gonna do something about it it is time to put an end to this

We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda

We're live mr mantooth

We're not really going to do that we were just flapping our gums

We're off and running

We're on in five four

We're on in ten

We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now and in no way is that depressing

We've been here literally the entire time you have

Well agree to disagree

Well ask and you shall receive

Well believe it or not we share the same dream I too want to be a network anchor

Well big deal I am very professional

Well done sir

Well for all of us here at channel 4 news i'm ron burgundy

Well guess what now this is happening

Well hello

Well I can't help it it's fantastic

Well I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist and that I deserve the opportunity to take on more challenging stories

Well I have one great passion that that lives deep within my loins like a flaming golden hawk to one day become a network anchor

Well i'll be ron burgundy he's back

Well i'm using the tape

Well i've got to fire you bing bong bong! you're fired ed

Well if i'm a dullard you're the the dull

Well is it a short cut or not

Well it's really quite simple it's kind of like

Well it's tough to explain

Well jazz flute has always been a small passion of mine

Well let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr

Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest

Well ron i'm going to put poison

Well that does it for all of us here at 6 00

Well that might take some time

Well that's just great

Well this concerns all of us

Well we hope

Well well well ron burgundy and the channel 4 news team

Well when in rome

Well yes as a journalist I should get to know the city that i'm covering

Well you certainly know how to compliment a woman now if you'll excuse me

Well you have bad hair

Well you know how to cut to the core of me baxter

What

What (2)

What (3)

What (4)

What a beautiful view

What a pretty girlfriend

What are we going to do

What are you doing on our station's turf

What are you doing what are you doing

What are you doing why didn't you get help

What brian didn't tell you was that those were not real pirates they looked convincing though oh yes

What can I say I like the way you're put together

What cologne you going to go with london gentlemen or wait no hold on blackbeard's delight

What did she say

What did the bad man do

What did you say

What did you say your name was

What do you love

What do you mean

What do you say we get you in your pjs and hit the hay bedtime ok come on let's go come on

What do you say we go out on a date have some chicken maybe some sex you know see what happens

What have you got

What i'm lonely i'm not lonely i'm beloved by everyone in san diego

What in the hell is diversity

What in the name no!

What is that it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair

What is this amateur hour

What no

What oh my god!

What oh my god! (2)

What the hell bro

What was it

What were you saying something look I don't speak spanish

What you're about to see is a channel 4 news exclusive

What's it like the intimate times out of sight my man

What's that if you were a man i'd punch you right in the mouth

What's that smell

What's this well well well

What's your name

Whatever

When do we get started

When do we get started (2)

When do we get started (3)

When everything's a little clearer in the light of day and we know the night is always gonna be there any way

When people believed everything they heard on tv

When the clock struck six it meant one thing for ron burgundy and his news team go time

When this all gets sorted out I think you and me should get an apartment together

Whenever you like

Where are you

Where did you get a hand grenade

Where did you learn to play like that

Where the hell is he

Where the hell is she no one's seen her

Where's the suit store we've been walking for 45 minutes

Where's your mommy

Who

Who is this

Who is this (2)

Whoa ron I don't want to sound cruel but I mean

Why are you being this way why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and as my gentleman lover

Why don't you go back to your home on whore island

Will you follow me again

Women ask me how I put up with it

Wonderful

Wonderful wonderful!

Would everyone like to hear ron burgundy play some jazz flute

Wow quite a drink order

Yeah get in there

Yeah get in there you see yeah

Yeah I stabbed a man in the heart

Yeah sure

Yeah well you're about to be in dead place

Yeah what is that

Yeah you pretty much yelled it

Years later a doctor will tell me that I have an iq of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded

Yep it's made with bits of real panther so you know it's good

Yes

Yes (2)

Yes (3)

Yes (4)

Yes (5)

Yes (6)

Yes (7)

Yes chris listen to me put down the gun and let the marching band go we'll play it off as a prank

Yes he did

Yes I am going to have three fingers of glenlivet with a little bit of pepper and some cheese

Yes I can I can think of a lot of things to say like you're a dirty bitch

Yes please go on

Yes please you get on stage now

Yes redemption was sweet for ron burgundy

Yes siree

Yes tell us

Yes these fellas were a real news team

Yes this just came across my desk

Yes what is it

Yes! yes!

You are a bad boy

You are a real hooker and i'm going to slap you in public

You are a smelly pirate hooker

You are acting like a baby

You are an awful man you are truly a disappointment to us al

You are going to eat that cat poop!

You are not a man you are a big fat joke

You are on

You are pathetic this has to be the feeblest pick up attempt I have ever encountered you know I expected it from the rest of them but not from you

You asked me to come by sir

You back off evening news team

You be a woman i'll be a man that's all

You bitch!

You boys go out walking around talking things through

You can use my office and afterwards maybe we can go to lunch!

You can't say one word even the guy who can't think says something you guys just stand there

You come out with stink like that poop you poop mouth poop out of your mouth

You continue to surprise me mr burgundy

You destroyed the only thing I love all right there it is

You did it just came through me it was so organic

You dirtbags have been in third place for five years

You do not take a tone with me 'cause I will give you a rap right on the jack johnson

You don't want to wake your friends

You eat that for the way you talk about my city!

You gotta meet this girl she used to be a charger cheerleader but then she broke her pelvis

You guys have it I think

You have a great day fellas we'll see you around the bend

You have a massive erection

You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie I mean that thing is good I want to be friends with it

You have broken my heart mr burgundy you have broken my heart

You have man boobs

You have mental problems man

You have way too much pubic hair

You have your ubulus muscle that connects to the upper dorsinus

You having a good time

You hear me audrey! look at me!

You hear that bears

You kill me

You know desire smells like that to some people

You know I understand that they had to bring a female in change your diapers wipe the dribble away from your bubbling lips

You know that is so refreshing to me because

You know those rating systems are flawed they don't take into account houses that have more than two television sets and other things of that nature

You know those sample audiences aren't big enough! stop hiding behind those phony numbers!

You know times are changing ladies can do stuff now and you're gonna have to learn how to deal with that

You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang

You look like a blueberry

You look ravishing it truly is beauty and the beast I might add a handsome beast

You make a fool of me and everyone here

You play jazz flute

You pointed to your boobies oh my god you did

You pooped in the refrigerator

You put that cat poop in your mouth

You really want to know what love is

You saw me you don't remember

You should be ashamed of yourself

You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by

You should move you should get out of the business

You smell

You son of a bitch!

You sound like a gay

You stay classy planet earth

You stay classy san diego

You stay classy san diego (2)

You stay classy san diego (3)

You stay classy san diego (4)

You stay classy san diego (5)

You want to dance ronnie I want to polka

You were amazing

You weren't here

You will do it immediately

You will eat cat poop!

You will!

You woke the bears why did you do that

You'll find it

You're a member of the channel 4 news team

You're about to get a serious beat down

You're coming down the baseline you've gotta take home plate from me so there I go head first

You're just a woman with a small brain with a brain a third the size of us it's science

You're live mr burgundy

You're my hero ron

You're not ron

You're not very bright you know that right you're actually quite a dullard and everyone here knows it

You're pathetic

You're probably right but this is bad real bad

You're so wise like a miniature buddha covered in hair

You're still alive i'm so happy i'm so happy! you are alive!

You're watching channel 4 news with five time emmy award winning anchor ron burgundy and tits mcgee

You're with us ron what do you think

You've got a dirty whorish mouth

You've just been promoted and you need to move to moscow so why don't you start cleaning up your desk and we'll see you in the morning we'll pick you up in a van

1001 1002

1003

(audience cheering)

(baxter dog barks)

(baxter dog barks) (2)

(bear roaring sound)

(jazz flute sound)

(jazz flute sound) (2)

(jazz flute sound) (3)

(ron burgundy blows shell as a horn sound)

(ron burgundy crying)

(ron burgundy crying) (2)

(ron burgundy crying) (3)

(ron burgundy crying) (4)

(ron burgundy screams in anger)

(ron burgundy vocalizing)

(surprise scream sound)