Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) Edit

A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital

A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining

A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth

A real ice queen.

About a lack of diversity on the news team.

About the lack of an old wooden ship,

Absolutely,

Action.

After being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs

After the FotoMat was destroyed,

Against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined.

Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

Ah, yes, this just came across my desk.

Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts!

Ah.

Ahh! God!

All clear!

All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.

All right, I got a call from network.

All right, now...

All right, stop!

All right, we're on.

All right? I'm sorry.

All right. Let's do this!

All right. Let's go!

All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken.

Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold.

Always likes to eat the heart of the young,

Am I right? Look at these guys.

An absolutely breathtaking...

An invitation to the pants party.

An unusual aquatic daredevil.

And and hurt.

And 38' in the Middle East.

And a glass of Scotch.

And am what some people call

And built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn.

And compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest

And everything started to move awfully fast

And garlands of fresh herbs.

And he's three years old.

And his news team: Go time.

And horrifying news story.

And I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.

And I will see you later.

And I would like to be able to do my job.

And I'm rarely late.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

And I'm Tits I'm Ron Burgundy.

And I've shown you, old man!

And in no way is that depressing.

And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest.

And is one of the top political advisors

And it's not going well.

And it's right here.

And just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch!

And listen.

And more intelligence in my little finger

And my apartment

And now we are in love!

And practicing my nonregional diction.

And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.

And shocked and offended

And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

And speaking of network, word on the street is

And tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's.

And thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

And thanks for stopping by.

And that I deserve the opportunity

And that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.

And the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis.

And the Channel 4 News Team.

And the decision has been passed down

And the winner of the frog leaping contest was Hoppy,

And then our children will form a family band.

And then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth,

And there's going to be flutes playing

And they became the first mixed gender network news team,

And they're still doing it today.

And this is the moment

And this is what's happening in your world tonight.

And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world,

And trombones and flowers

And was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.

And we are very good friends.

And we made out for hours.

And we waited as long as we could, but

And we will dance till the sun rises.

And we will tour the countryside,

And we'll pick you up in the morning.

And whammy!"

And when I say anything,

And with that in mind

And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?

And you come out with stink like that poop!

And you won't be invited!

And you're gone. Whammy.

And your reporter in the field,

And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.

And, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk.

And, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Antony and Cleopatra!

Anyhoo, what can I do you for?

Anyone seen Brick?

Anyway, I've become kind of famous

Anyway, I've become kind of famous

Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints.

Are they here?

Are we what?

Are you happy, Ron?

Are you high or something? Did you see what happened?

Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them?

Are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer?

Arnold, cue one.

As a journalist, I should get to know

As a peer and as my gentleman lover?

As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate...

As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate...

As the host of the hit reality TV show

At the toilet store?

Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man

Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.

Basically the biggest story of my career,

Baxter, is that you?

Baxter!

Baxter!

Baxter!

Bear fight!

Bears can smell the menstruation.

Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Because a she devil stole it!

Because I am good at three things:

Because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city.

Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!

Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on.

Before we're doing the no pants dance.

Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Besides, I'm sure Wes here

Big deal! I am very professional!

Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed.

Blackbeard's Delight.

Bob Dylan once wrote,

Boy, he really likes that dog.

Boy, that escalated quickly.

Breathe, Ron, breathe.

Brian Fantana.

Brian?

Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children

Brick Tamland, weather.

Brick, are you saying

Brick, come hug me. I know you want to.

Brick, get back over here!

Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?

Brother.

Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?

Burgundy will read.

Burgundy, of course, was the foundation, the rock.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

But each member brought their own special something to the equation.

But God does not want her to live.

But I also nicknamed my testes.

But I am 72% sure that I love you.

But I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship

But I can't do this without my news team.

But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.

But I'm kind of a big deal.

But if I had to guess, I'd say female.

But in order to properly retell it,

But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional.

But mainly stay classy.

But nice try.

But nothing like this.

But now I am too hurt.

But she was a pro and hung tough.

But soon, with a simple act of littering,

But was later fired after being accused

But while they're laughing and grab assing,

But you and l are mature adults.

But, God damn it, do I respect you!

By the beard of Zeus!

Calm down.

Can I start over again?

Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team?

Cannonball!

Carpet.

Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun.

Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,

Champ Kind, sports.

Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ!

Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night.

Change your diapers.

Channel 4 News,

Children, grow up.

Clearly, after today, I will no longer

Come again?

Come get a taste.

Come on! Oh, God!

Come on. Come on!

Corningstone was a star,

Count me down. Three.

Covered in hair.

Creeping out all the regulars.

CÛmo est·n, pinches!

Damn it!

Damn it! Get me a phone.

Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

Damn!

Damn! That dude cleans up good!

Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it.

Desire smells like that to some people.

Did I say that loud?

Did you just throw a burrito out your window?

Directly from WYPN

Discovered by the Germans in 1904.

Diversity means that times are changing,

Do you even know what you just said?

Do you know who I am?

Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it?

Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?

Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again?

Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?

Doesn't mean we can't have fun.

Doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about.

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies.

Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen.

Don't want to wake up your friends.

Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor.

Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me?

Down into my belly. Mm mm mm.

Downstairs?

Dump out! Dump out!

Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?

Easy, Wes.

Ed Harken.

Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man.

Ed, she insisted on coming in.

Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego ites.

Ellen, where's the party?

Even the guy who can't think says something!

Ever to happen to San Diago

Every Friday night.

Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this.

Every newsman in this city's laughing at us.

Every station it's the same.

Everyone's life would change forever.

Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got?

Excuse me, Veronica.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Excusez moi, Numero Two.

Exquisite breasts?

Fan out. Let's go find Harken.

Fantana.

Fantastic.

Fighting, screwing and reading the news.

Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by.

For all of us here at News Center 4,

For an extended period of time.

For me to realize how much I need you.

For my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!"

For my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!"

For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?

Frame up two.

From all of us here at Channel 4 News,

From all of us here at the World News Center,

From my co anchor,

From the entire Channel 4 News Team,

From the network. You've just been promoted.

From there on out,

Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.

Garth, l

Gentlemen,

Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story.

Get Corningstone over there right away!

Get down here as quickly as you can.

Get out here! Panda jerk!

Get out! Just go!

Give you a little kiss on your forehead?

Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.

Go, Brick.

God, no, it smells like

God, you are so beautiful.

Goddamn son of

Good afternoon, San Diego.

Good buddies sharing a special moment.

Good evening, San Diego.

Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.

Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

Good. Good one!

Great Odin's raven!

Great story. Compelling and rich.

Guess what. I do.

Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat?

Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy!

Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron.

Ha ha ho.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ho!

Ha oh!

Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you.

Has always been a small passion of mine.

Hate you!

Have the courage to say something. Hello!

Have you ever thought about fighting fire

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,

He took him with his foot and he kicked him!

He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.

He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.

He would have gotten ahold of German pornography.

He's back!

He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch.

He's gonna put Corningstone on!

He's gonna put Corningstone on.

He's ready to do battle in the arena

He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy.

Heinie!

Heinie.

Hell, I need you.

Hello, Edward.

Hello, Evening News Team.

Hello, neighbor.

Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin

Hello, Wes Mantooth.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Help!

Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today.

Here is a story of a 103 year old woman

Here it goes down.

Here we go again.

Here's the thing,

Hey, Aqualung!

Hey, Burgundy.

Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!

Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah.

Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich?

Hey, Ron,

Hey, Ron!

Hey, Ron.

Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.

Hey, uh,

Hey, where did you get those clothes?

Hey, you watch yourself, mister.

Hey!

Hey! Come on!

Hey! You're making me look stupid!

Hey.

Hi ohhh!

Hi, Ron.

Hi. Didn't see you there.

His name is Nutty the Squirrel,

His name was Ron Burgundy.

Hit 'em in the uvula!

Hmm.

Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?

Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on!

Hold on. Veronica? What was it?

Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!

Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!

Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh,

How 'bout that?

How did you get down there?

How did you get down there?

How much time? 30? 30 seconds?

How now brown cow.

How now brown cow. How now brown cow.

Howie, we have the shot.

Huh?

Huh? Let the games begin!

Hundreds of years ago.

I

I Brian!

I I don't I didn't understand one word you said.

I l Ching King is inside now.

I am completely miserable, San Diego!

I am full of it tonight.

I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

I am hung over.

I am in a pickle!

I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation.

I believe I did.

I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J."

I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many.

I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,

I can see you, Ron.

I can see you.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.

I can't believe that I cared for you.

I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air.

I can't believe you did this to me!

I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?

I can't work with this woman. It's terrible.

I chose them as my replacement,

I could do that.

I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry.

I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale.

I don't believe you.

I don't know her name. What is it?

I don't know how to put this,

I don't know if I can go through that again.

I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over 1,000.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what we're yelling about!

I don't know, Ron.

I don't know, Ron.

I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

I don't trust this chick.

I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something.

I don't wanna die.

I even wrote it down in my diary!

I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.

I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist

I forgive you.

I friggin' love you back!

I got no heart!

I gotta fire you.

I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off.

I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you!

I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!

I have been on some serious, serious reports,

I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl.

I have little time to get to the gym,

I have no idea where

I have nothing left! Nothing!

I have some information that you can choose to use or not use.

I have something magnificent to tell you.

I have...

I immediately regret this decision.

I just I got excited.

I just can't believe what Ron did to you.

I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back.

I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain.

I know exactly what you mean, Brian.

I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married

I know what you're asking yourself,

I know. I love this city. It's a

I laughed at it later that night!

I like to eat ice cream,

I love desk.

I love lamp.

I love poetry.

I love Veronica Corningstone.

I love...

I mean an y thing.

I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap!

I mean, really good.

I mean, that thing is good.

I met her in the bathroom of a K mart,

I might add a handsome beast at that.

I might be in trouble on that one.

I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.

I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.

I miss being with you.

I miss you so damn much.

I miss your musk.

I need all of you to stop what you're doing

I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.

I pooped a Cornish game hen.

I pooped a hammer.

I pooped a tape recorder.

I pure, straight

I read somewhere that their periods attract bears.

I realize that.

I report the news. That's what I do.

I saw that. Brick killed a guy.

I saw you from across the party, and, uh,

I still don't quite understand what it means.

I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker.

I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone,

I think you and me should get an apartment together.

I thought it was a joke!

I thought you were kidding!

I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.

I told you that.

I too want to be an network anchor.

I tried to ask her out on a date.

I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't.

I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

I used to have familiar relations with.

I wanna be on you.

I wanna polka.

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there.

I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!

I was just speaking in generalities.

I was like, "Who is that guy?"

I wasn't expecting company.

I will have you know that I have more talent

I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy.

I will lick you!

I will not have my first story at this news station

I will not have my newsroom be divided.

I will say one thing for her, Ed,

I will smash your face into a car windshield

I woke up this morning

I won't be able to make it, fellas.

I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned

I would like to extend to you

I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating

I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt

I'd punch you right in the mouth.

I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless.

I'll be a man.

I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.

I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore.

I'll give this little cookie an hour

I'll go get my desk set up.

I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

I'll tell you what, it's just not working.

I'm a little embarrassed.

I'm a man who discovered the wheel

I'm a mess without ya.

I'm a professional doctor.

I'm actually taking them back right now.

I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.

I'm Brick Tamland.

I'm chasing down leads

I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!

I'm gettin' too old for this shit.

I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone.

I'm going to need some help

I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.

I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking.

I'm gonna straight up murder your ass!

I'm gonna take a run at the new girl.

I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind.

I'm like a night wolf.

I'm lonely? I'm not lonely!

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman!

I'm not even mad. That's amazing.

I'm not hearing it right. Hold on.

I'm not sure, but apparently you just run

I'm offended.

I'm pretty sure that's not love.

I'm proud of you fellas.

I'm riding a furry tractor!

I'm Ron Burgundy.

I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape.

I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.

I'm so happy!

I'm so happy! You are alive!

I'm sorry, it's the

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.

I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this.

I'm telling you, she is a real ball buster.

I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.

I'm the stylish one of the group.

I'm using the tape.

I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News.

I'm Veronica Corningstone,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm very aroused.

I'm very important.

I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be?

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

I've been reduced to rubble!

I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time.

I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.

I've got no damn lead anchor!

I've got to do the news!

I've had enough of you, Mantooth.

I've just been handed an urgent

I've lost her.

I've very happy for you.

Iaunching me to a level I've never known before,

Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.

If I could squire you about town

If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side.

If we continue seeing each other,

If you don't, send it right back.

If you knew when my office would be ready.

If you like it, you can take it.

If you will play "yazz" flute for us.

If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me!

If you're gonna have a fight,

Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food.

In Asheville, North Carolina,

In case we die here today,

In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.

In the back of the head.

Iooks stupid.

Is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again.

Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?

Is this Wilt Chamberlain?

Is to give her two tickets to the gun show...

It always goes down smooth.

It is anchorman, not anchorlady!

It is baloney!

It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy!

It is so awful.

It is time to put an end to this!

It looks like Ling Wong,

It looks like our broadcast last night

It meant one thing for Ron Burgundy

It never ceases to amaze me.

It seems that our youngest, Chris, was

It smells like Bigfoot's dick!

It stings the nostrils.

It sure beats the hell out of number two.

It sure is good to be number one.

It took my impending death

It truly is beauty and the beast.

It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack.

It was very hard for Veronica.

It was Wes Mantooth.

It's a fact.

It's a formidable scent.

It's all right, everyone! We can do the news.

It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.

It's an old expression.

It's boring, but it's part of my life.

It's called Sex Panther by Odeon.

It's called the Octagon.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

It's fantastic!

It's getting to be ri goddamn diculous!

It's illegal in nine countries.

It's instinct.

It's just parent stuff.

It's kind of like...

It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right?

It's not a date.

It's the greatest city in the history of mankind.

It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.

It's the pattern on the pants.

It's the story you were born to tell.

It's unnecessary.

It's very distracting.

Jesus, she's terrifying!

Julio, fuego, fuego, fuego!

Just doing my workout.

Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.

Just take it easy, Champ.

Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on.

Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you.

Keep a tight perimeter.

Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff.

Keep the cymbals splashy,

Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition

La lanolin? Like sheep's wool?

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?

Lady! Lady!

Lanolin?

Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Leave the mothers out of this, all right?

Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that.

Let me say something.

Let the games begin.

Let's dance, dickweed.

Let's go get 'em.

Let's go somewhere.

Let's go!

Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart.

Let's just do my sign off and get outta here.

Listen to Burgundy.

Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month.

Listen, can l

Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!

Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you. Hope you got your griddles.

London Gentleman, or

Look at the full moon butt!

Look over here.

Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day,

Look, I don't speak Spanish.

Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!

Look.

Look.

Loud noises!

Love.

Lower your voice, Ron.

Make sure these guys don't party too much.

Make way!

Man.

Man.

Many leather bound books,

May I take your order?

Maybe don't wear a bra next time.

Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.

Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important.

Milk was a bad choice!

Miss Corningstone, ma'am,

Miss Veronica Corningstone.

Mm hmm!

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm, 9:00.

Mm, ehh, mm.

Mm, I love Scotch.

Mm! Drink it in.

Mm.

Mm. I just burned my tongue.

Mm. Thank you.

Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue.

Mmm.

Mmm. I look good.

More than anything in the world.

More than two television sets and other things of that nature.

Morning, everyone.

Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional,

Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.

Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.

Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Mr. Burgundy.

Mr. Harken,

Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist,

Mr. Harken, sir,

Ms. Veronica Corningstone.

My God.

My hands are tied. I

My left one is James Westfall,

My little China doll.

My plan was to ask you

My stomach's itchy.

My sweet Brick.

My wild love tigress.

N no, there's no way that's correct.

Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage.

News team!

Nice clothes, gentlemen.

Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.

No yes, he did.

No touching of the hair or face.