Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 4 Edit

A beautiful Sunday, we're sitting here like idiots.

A biracial person would need sunblock? Would you think that?

A couple of months ago I went to a Knicks game.

A delicious dinner.

A gift for a baby?

A good friend doesn't do that.

A good movie. You know what I mean?

A guy in a wheelchair cut right in front of my car in the parking lot.

A little digging for diamonds?

A little lollipop love?

A little perturbed, yeah, a little.

A little, uh, a little weed going, you know. Some weed?

A loose mint. You got your mint. Great.

A lot better like this

A lot of fresh, freshness.

A lot of people call it that.

A lot of room.

A magician taught you how to do the trick, right?

A magician.

A man could make a fortune!

A man stands up to pee, what are you doing?

A man's come taste delicious?

A man's come taste delicious?

A picture of Bush, who gives a flying fuck?

A present for the Dusenberrys' baby shower?

A private matter with you?

A producer could make more money with a flop

A producer could make more with a flop

A sock snaps back.

A special breed.

A sponge. Yes, come on.

Aaah!

Aah!

Aah...

About "college girls gone wild".

About me in this outfit.

About shaking people's hands who have snot on it.

About the college girls and the wild, the wildness.

About their vagina.

About your mom's fake unveiling.

Abraham's wife said that to him?

Absolutely, perfectly fine.

Accept it in that same sense of generosity.

Actually I, uh...

Actually, I really don't have that much time.

After death who knows what happens?

After three shuffle ball chains, he's winded.

Again I'm sorry about the... the phone stuff.

Ah, funny. Oh, hey, who do you like in the Dodger game tomorrow night?

Ah, see him? See him?

Ah, wandering bear.

Ah, what? What?

Ah? Ah?

Ah.

Ahh.

Ahhh!

All during rehearsal he was going,

All I know is I was damned close to that million dollars.

All night long

All night, my friend...

All night.

All right, all right, I'll tell him you're black, okay? Fine.

All right, all right.

All right, bye.

All right, calm down.

All right, Dad.

All right, eternity.

All right, excellent. I think I got everything.

All right, give me a half hour.

All right, good. I should be.

All right, goodbye

All right, goodbye

All right, goodbye.

All right, I think all we have to do here is clean this up

All right, I think you're gonna be fine.

All right, I'll talk to you later.

All right, I'll tell you what,

All right, I'm sorry. I think it's nice. It's just not...

All right, Larry, I just think the red is a good color.

All right, let's vamoose. Let's vamoose!

All right, look, I'll tell you what.

All right, look, I've told you 10 times already.

All right, now, who wants to go next? Anyone?

All right, right.

All right, so now about that first scene,

All right, take out the $200 bucks.

All right, uh...

All right, well, all right.

All right, well, pull... pull your thing up over there.

All right, what was I saying?

All right, why don't we go to page nine in the script,

All right, will you stop nudging me about that, I...

All right, yeah.

All right, yeah.

All right, you know what?

All right? All Summer.

All right? And you didn't have to get me a gift.

All right? Thank you very much.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. A little Mexicali.

All right. Fine.

All right. What would you like?

All right. What's wrong?

All right. You wanna get some coffee?

All rise for the Honorable Judge George Nagel.

All the way.

All you have to do, Larry, is get up there and tell the truth.

Alright listen, susie's yelling, I gotta get going alright.

Alright, back to you.

Alright, just get my sneaker, will you?

Alright, let's get him in the car, come on.

Alright, okay, fine, alright, you know what,

Alright, okay, fine, thank you for coming, Cheryl.

Alright, so, just pause it, I'll be back in two seconds.

Alright, so, just pause it, I'll be back in two seconds.

Alright, we had a great time, thank you very much.

Alright, we'll go back to the house.

Alright, weatherman, I'm gonna tell you my point.

Alright, what happened to you?

Alright, you know what, you know what, Larry?

Alright.

Am I an extra bad person?

An Arab, a Jew, and an Asian fellow...

An auto focus party.

And all day tomorrow, Saturday.

And Andreas used to say to me...

And appreciate all of the goodness you possess.

And at least talk on the phone and see...

And at the time we were the first and only ******* family,

And bang bang,

And can I just say something?

And cancel the lunch appointment.

And do you think a black man would want that piece of shit?

And everybody thinks you're finished,

And frankly, I'd like to do the same.

And getting into your space, and I shouldn't.

And good luck to you and your friend.

And have a real wedding ceremony.

And have it for himself,

And have relations with her."

And he chose not to give it to you.

And he gave you $100 reward?

And he threw the towel off. He was getting dressed,

And he would love to meet you.

And he... a swinging door hit me.

And he'll have the golf course to himself.

And his, his bark is like...

And I am gonna get to the bottom of this!

And I can take care of the baby.

And I can't get, I can't get used to them.

And I can't sign the form for you.

And I certainly apologize for that.

And I don't have any plaque by the way.

And I faked like I was having a heart attack. I pulled the wires out...

And I got a corn, I need some freeze on.

And I guess you're wondering

And I have to do this now.

And I just think, it'd be better

And I know it's on the way.

And I know they're very hard to find

And I looked down. I saw...

And I loved every minute of it.

And I need a little more flair. I don't have any flair.

And I need to use a bathroom.

And I still can't get this colostomy bag to fit. It doesn't fit.

And I think that's what we have here.

And I think you should probably

And I went into the locker room

And I will love you for the rest of my life.

And I'll just have an unlimited good breath supply.

And I'm an expert on elastic

And I'm just desperate to use a bathroom.

And I'm not a bad person if I do it?

And I'm not good at it

And I'm so proud of my dad, he's meant so much to me.

And I'm sure Cheryl would love to hear

And I'm wondering if it's Marvin calling me

And if not, I'll wear the black one.

And in this seat, with the seat fully up.

And it'll come... the words will come.

And it's changed my entire game, and it is so simple.

And it's flopping all over the place, look at that.

And it's gonna drive Kenny crazy...

And it's hot as hell. I'm sweating like a...

And it's kind of in my DNA and I was very flummoxed by it.

And it's sad if somebody doesn't get to experience it, yeah.

And it's where we all belong.

And just watch only my feet.

And let me ask you a question.

And look at his disgusting feet all night?

And make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened. Thank you.

And may we continue to love each other unconditionally,

And maybe because... maybe because, you know,

And maybe maintain a little focus on your driving skills, buddy.

And my deceit.

And my reel and stuff like that. There you go.

And my wife said I could have sex with somebody tonight."

And my wife's vagina is completely numb.

And nothing or no one will ever come between us.

And nothing or no one will ever come between us.

And now for the rest of your life,

And pick up some music for me.

And put in a few stitches.

And said "don't give it to Larry."

And said, "Maxella... "

And saying, "No gifts."

And see you chatting with the nurse.

And she calls me like Uncle Richard.

And she left the toilet seat up,

And she said there's no difference so...

And she says she's not coming to the ceremony.

And she's not gonna give the baby up.

And since you were kind enough to point that out to me, she had to go.

And so you're...

And so, I don't know,

And someone will get back to you, thank you.

And sometimes he doesn't want to embarrass himself.

And that writer doesn't let you even look at your baby.

And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition.

And the insurance company won't pay for it.

And the more I look at this, I think this is pretty minor.

And the prostitute goes around telling everybody

And the water comes out?

And the whole time, everyone's backstabbing me and undermining me,

And then I need you to go to my business manager's office

And then I went to pee and fell on the toilet.

And then I will put the glass on the floor

And then suddenly he told me I didn't need to.

And then that's it.

And then the next day it's over.

And then turn the TV on and see what it looks like.

And then you don't have to worry about it...

And then you last and you last.

And then you sang "Swanee"

And then, you got this stick. What do you do?

And then...

And there really isn't a difference.

And there's a deadline.

And there's a package which I need you to bring to my house.

And they give it to another writer.

And they went crazy.

And they'll look at the "Seinfeld" jacket

And they're gonna continue all the way into Monday.

And this is a great color, the red. It's fun.

And this is enough already, it's enough!

And this is like... this is a gift to you?

And this is the best review we got!

And today we still are, but we love this place.

And tonight I have a date with two handsome men.

And wait... wait for the right one.

And we are adopting him from China.

And we are adopting him from China.

And we don't, you know...

And we like to get it over with if you don't mind

And we'd save a little money on the marquee.

And we'll keep an eye on him at the same time.

And we'll talk about apartments if you need to.

And we're celebrating this for all eternity.

And what's it... there's a hole there.

And when you sang, I was absolutely floored.

And you and Jeff and susie and Louis,

And you can be the freakish guy.

And you can be the freakish guy.

And you get to read.

And you go over to the cleaners. Not a big deal. You do it all the time.

And you know what, it's gonna rain tomorrow, okay?

And you know what?

And you know, I love him too.

And you need to use a toilet, I'm your guy.

And you never gave it to me.

And you should do that. It's our 10th anniversary.

And you traumatized a little girl!

And you, my fat friend, will be the first to know.

And you'll be ready for Dr. funkhouser.

And you'll step on it and that'll be it.

And you're gonna say,

And you're kind of a medicine man in a way.

And you're one of the few friends I can tell this to.

And you're planning a trip.

And your first when you come in and he scares you?

And, hey, one more thing, okay.

And, uh, cancel lunch with, uh, Jason small for me.

And, uh, I didn't feel like putting the light on,

And, uh, I wanna go to the game and I'll pay you for your time.

And, uh, Ted Danson will be there with Mary.

And, uh, this is a very special day for all of us.

And, uh... he's a survivor,

And, um, all of a sudden, she pops out.

And, um, while we here, have you noticed that we have

And, you know, I said terrible things about so many people.

And, you know, mix and mingle with people.

And?

And...

And...

And...

Andy is known by his affectionate nickname

Andy is subletting his mouth.

Andy, they're at the "will call" window!

Another round of drinks for everybody in the place.

Another thing, I'd love to get to this Dodger game tomorrow night.

Any minute now the show will be dead.

Any time you want.

Any time you want.

Anybody here?

Anyone can figure that out.

Anyone can figure that out.

Anything else?

Anything you want to say.

Anytime I ever point out that

Anytime I see a black man in a tie and a suit,

Anyway it's not for me, it's for Jeff.

Anyway, I'm so sorry to bother you on the Sabbath.

Anyway, it's really working out.

Anyway, she said she's been with black and white men,

Are they making sort of a half Asian, half white doll too?

Are those genitals? What is that on that bull?

Are where they're supposed to be, that's it.

Are you afraid to get a colonoscopy? What's the matter with you?

Are you cra we've got like, an hour and a half.

Are you crazy? I've got my costume on, I'm not gonna go out there.

Are you driving?

Are you familiar with Henry Clay?

Are you getting dressed, Larry?

Are you guys just going cra...

Are you kidding me? You don't notice anything different about me?

Are you kidding or you really found it?

Are you kidding?

Are you nuts?

Are you so desperate for a party

Are you too old for this? Is that what he said?

Are your M4 and M5? Are those your house seats?

Argh! Argh!

As a matter of fact,

As a present to me,

As soon as I get rid of this heart halter,

As though somebody was trying to strangle him.

Ask her what she does.

Asking me about my vagina, god.

Asshole.

Assume away.

At Ben Stiller's birthday party, you didn't bring a present.

At least twice a day.

At the party, everybody sang "Happy Birthday" but you.

Aw, fuck!

Aw, this thing's killing me.

Aw, you should see the traffic.

Back's all better.

Ball one, all right, three more of those and we force one in.

Batting for the Atlanta Braves, the catcher, Javy Lopez.

Be able to decide this case in a fair and impartial manner?

Be that as it may, it's just not fair

Beautiful beautiful.

Beautiful day, huh?

Beautiful. Alright, I'll pick you up at 4:30.

Because he wants to talk to me.

Because I asked you to, and it's my car and if it's my car,

Because I have got a lot to say to that young man.

Because I haven't got the time.

Because if any of you are looking for an apartment in New York

Because it took him a long time to make this decision.

Because of the funkhouser testimonial,

Because of the whole... the survivor confrontation...

Because of your weather report about thunder showers.

Because she knows everything about me.

Because that was your 10th anniversary gift right there.

Because that's not the choreography!

Because the dog bit your penis?

Because the shirt was talking to me,

Because there was some sunblock when I drove in..

Because you

Because you're afraid of some weird guy in traffic?

Because you're keeping the seat up.

Because, well, you're probably...

Before I pronounce you man and wife,

Beforehand! Show up with the hole beforehand. You gotta do that.

Believe me, I will not think any less of you.

Believe me, on very few subjects I'm a expert on,

Believe me, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

Ben Stiller is gone.

Ben Stiller?

Ben, I never sing "Happy Birthday."

Besides, my bench is thin. I don't have a lot going on there.

Better find something else to do.

Better show up with a sheet or you'll be in big trouble.

Between a white man and a black man...

Bi, what do you mean biracial?

Bialystock and Bloom?

Big? They could put the Chicago fire out with this.

Biracial is what we call it, usually.

Biracial. Hmm, what do you know about that?

Black man want a car with some get up and go.

Black man, no suit, he gonna steal your car.

Blessing in disguise.

Blind or sighted, okay?

Boom, she was there.

Boy this is a... kind of a nasty cut.

Boy, look at this.

Boy, that was fast.

Boy, they just flew right by, didn't they?

Boy, you got a nice

Boy, you lucked out.

Break legs, break everything.

Bring a rain coat.

Bring him over. That's fine.

But after death through all eternity.

But after death through all eternity.

But after death, through all eternity."

But do it horizontally.

But don't say you got it from me.

But everybody brings a gift.

But he left and he's now renting some space

But how is it?

But I don't think he meant the toilet.

But I shouldn't make the first move, right?

But I think it's gonna be fine.

But I want the weatherman's golf tip.

But I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to bring by my headshot

But I'd really love for you to take a look at my reel if you wouldn't mind.

But I'll still have an hour after the show ends.

But I'm a magician, just naturally a magician.

But I'm, you know, I'm totally good.

But if I didn't find your watch in the first place,

But if you don't have to be a David, why be a David?

But isn't there something you can do about that stain?

But it has Chinese overtones... Tang.

But it looks more effortless maybe.

But it's an estimate.

But it's awful.

But it's fun, it's fun. You can't find a ball, that's the problem.

But it's more like this, all right?

But it's more like this, all right?

But it's unethical is what he's saying

But just trust me, they're good. I got you two tickets.

But my car ran out of gas,

But now you've got permission.

But she wants to get her breasts enlarged,

But something else happened and you were involved

But that doesn't mean I need him to try on my glass,

But that's David Schwimmer's watch.

But the bad news is we have a cold weather front

But the Jew generally doesn't ask other men's wives

But the point is that I'm gonna be ruined, you understand?

But the point of it is that l...

But the turban,

But there is a slight bit of pain involved.

But tomorrow's forecast, folks, I'm sorry to say it,

But under the right circumstances

But unfortunately she can see. You dig?

But we couldn't get it together.

But we're having the party this Saturday.

But you can't quit.

But you did say pencil.

But, you know, it's nice.

By the beaches it is a bit cool, around 70 degrees,

By the way, it was very nice of you to rsvp

By the way, that tip,

By the way, what did you say to the surrogate?

By the way, you know,

By the way, you left last night.

Bye bye.

Bye, Larry.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Cady has O.C.D?

Call an ambulance! Call 911!

Came for my sneaker.

Can he try it on?

Can I introduce you to my dad?

Can I make an observation?

Can I say that this is fantastic, the magazines?

Can I tell you something?

Can you believe it?

Can you do me a favor?

Can you give me a hint? What's the area?

Can you give me a lift, please?

Can you guys just calm down?

Can you have any kind of conversation with you people

Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer?

Can't get them on.

Can't get this thing...

Can't let this run out, my friend.

Can't.

Captioned by hbo communications center

Captioned by hbo communications center

Captions copyright 2003 home box office, inc.

Captions copyright 2004 home box office, inc.

Car wash! Car wash!

Carmelita, put Oscar in the bedroom and close the door.

Challenge me just like you do in golf.

Change it, it's the easiest thing,

Channel 57.

Channel up and down, volume up and down.

Charge!

Cheryl couldn't make it so I took Monena.

Cheryl got nauseous from your dinner last night,

Cheryl left the toilet seat up.

Cheryl, it's disgusting.

Cheryl, it's hot!

Cheryl, something fishy's going on here.

Cheryl. Can you believe that?

Chinese names. Do I know any Chinese names?

Christine was out of town, we couldn't get it together

Chronic.

Clean bill of health, flying colors I might add.

Close the door.

Come here for one second. Come here, come here.

Come in, come in.

Come in, please come in. Be my invited guest.

Come in.

Come on in, hey! It's all right, go ahead.

Come on pal, hop in.

Come on up front.

Come on up front.

Come on, alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, everybody knows that's bullshit.

Come on, everybody. Put it together! Mel Brooks.

Come on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Come on, it's gonna rain.

Come on, Larry.

Come on, let's just go inside, okay, what do you say?

Come on, right after this song.

Come on, stand up, oscy.

Come on, they fit me.

Come on, this is crazy. It's so silly, come on.

Come on, who's gonna know?

Come on, you know I can't do anything.

Come on, you're not gonna let me do that.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Comes back, first at bat,

Comfortable with... A man doesn't do that.

Comi out of your mouth, my friend.

Coming up from Russia, so,

Common courtesy sometimes, "Hey, thank you. "

Compared to what I went through.

Congratulations.

Contains the numbing agent...

Cost

Costing today?

Costing?

Could make more money with a flop

Could you close the door? 'Cause you're spraying it all inside.

Could you state your name, sir?

Counselor Condon, nice to meet you.

Create the illusion that we're friends talking here, all right?

Crown, I was getting a crown, that's all, and...

Cut my head.

Cutting the hole with her, sharing it, you know?

Dad, this is Larry.

Daddy o! Hey hey.

David Schwimmer, um, Cady Huffman.

David, I'm going to apologize.

Davids want to be out of being Davids.

Delicious, oh ho.

Denta friend, no.

Did he tell you the seat wasn't upright?

Did he tell you to say that?

Did I take his watch and throw it in the river or something?

Did I tell you that Bernie Dusenberry's

Did I tell you? Did I tell you?

Did it again, huh?

Did you allude to me?

Did you cash in? Oh!

Did you get your wallet?

Did you guys get your test results back?

Did you happen to see any sunblock

Did you have any idea it was gonna be this big?

Did you hear this thing with the shish kabob?

Did you know...

Did you leave the door open?

Did you look, maybe

Did you say anything?

Did you see the look on their faces

Did you tell her about the seat not being upright?

Did you tell Lar about my new thing?

Did you tell the stewardess

Did you thank him?

Dinner's served.

Dis chronic is the shizmik.

Disgusting, Larry.

Do I actually have to put my name on this thing?

Do I detect any doubt there? 'Cause I

Do I have an electric toothbrush?

Do I have to listen to this? Do I have to go on and on and on about this?

Do I look like some kind of beatnik? I'm not gonna... with the marijuana.

Do I really need to wear a suit for this?

Do Jeff a favor and throw that away.

Do me a favor, call me back and we'll play maybe.

Do me a favor, okay?

Do not say it's for Ben. Say it's for you.

Do people generally give you more

Do survivors like seeing each other?

Do they like to talk about old times

Do they want to... I don't know.

Do you have any complaints? I mean, how's it going for you?

Do you have anything to read?

Do you have the halter? You want to give that to Larry?

Do you know married men everywhere,

Do you know of any...

Do you know what that does to women?

Do you like spicy food?

Do you not want to renew our vows? Because...

Do you read "Nation"? It's a fabulous magazine.

Do you remember the other night

Do you think I could do it?

Do you think... do you think that...

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Do you want me to get those glaucoma drops

Do you want me to hand it to you?

Do you want to come in for a drink?

Do your own errands, run your own life.

Does he still play?

Does that bring any scheme to mind?

Does your father have good hodgkin's?

Doesn't Bernie look like Steve Demarco?

Don't answer it. I don't want to talk to her.

Don't be so sensitive.

Don't even look back!

Don't miss the videos everyone's talking about.

Don't pick it up. I'm not talking to her tonight.

Don't roll up my sleeve if I request you not to, okay?

Don't say a word to her.

Don't use the doctor's phone. That's not right.

Don't wear it inside out.

Don't you have any friends?

Don't you know how to put a rubber on?

Don't you think she's beautiful?

Don't you touch those, don't touch.

Done, done.

Dr. funkhouser, coming up on the ninth hole.

Easy!

Efficiently and any way possible.

Eggs, pancakes,

Eh, I'm okay.

Eh, I'm so sorry.

Eh...

Eight years of service!

Enjoying the dog?

Even if I wanted to, you don't think I'm capable of it.

Even though, you know, you were kind of...

Everlast condom?

Everlast condoms, my friend.

Everlast?

Everlast.

Every day, eight hours a day, I could never do that. For the rest of my life.

Every half truth you have ever told, mister!

Every single minute, every hour of every day!

Every time I get one of these, I wind up holding it the whole night.

Every time you work, he always has the scripts?

Every... I mean, does it ever end with this lady?

Everybody at Dodger Stadium, from top to bottom,

Everybody I know and...

Everybody is dead.

Everybody wears name tags.

Everybody's in the same boat as you.

Everybody's seeing I'm putting it in my pocket, okay.

Everything he touches, he dooms.

Everything okay? It's all straightened out?

Everything was going so well.

Everything's okay since you want your little favor.

Exactly, I can give four blowjobs an hour.

Excellent, let me wrap it up for you.

Except when you're sitting next to me.

Exciting, that's great.

Excuse me, excuse me, can you keep it down a little bit,

Excuse me, hey, could I ask you a favor?

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hey, Dad.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Mr. Brooks?

Expect her to keep her mouth shut.

Expect to find a little company tomorrow

Fail!

Fang, Bang... Tang.

Fantastic, yeah. Fantastic tip?

Favorite uncle, huh?

Feel 'em. Check 'em out.

Feel them. They feel totally natural.

Feel this cheek, Bloom. Feel that cheek.

Feels like at home, you know.

Fell in the toilet.

Fell in the toilet.

Fell out of my jacket?

Fill up my car with mints and gum and good fresh breath stuff.

Finders keepers? No, not finders keepers, that's not right.

Fine, fine, go ahead.

Fine, okay, you know what

Fine, yeah, okay

Fine, you want to.

Fine!

Firmly apply pressure and in you go.

First of all, I'm embarrassed to buy 'em,

First of all, number one, I don't have any plaque.

First producer ever

Five minutes you're gonna feel fine.

Five minutes you're gonna feel fine.

Five minutes, everyone. Five minutes.

Fixed the air for you.

Fixed your cloak. I got the stains out of the cloak...

Flight attendants,

Folks, don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger.

For black and white couples?

For insurance purposes?

For Jeff? Yeah.

For Max Bialystock.

For my uncle Leo's testimonial.

For our 10 year anniversary, you can have sex with someone else?

For some things.

For the first time in over a quarter of a century,

For the first time in over a quarter of a century,

For the Langley Center. It's a charity

For you at the drug store?

For your father's glaucoma.

Forget everything you've ever thought about golf.

Forget it, forget it!

Forget it.

Forget it. It's a comic book character

Frank's been in, like, two of his movies.

Freezing in here last night.

From Martin Schaffer about my script?

From now on, don't take any pictures of my mouth.

From the anchor, from the albatross of "The Producers. "

From the drycleaners. I had to go to her house.

From the... from the television show.

Fuck or suit?

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fucking faggot!

Fucking's boring?

Funny you should mention that.

FYI kind of thing.

Gei kucken ahfen yam.

Gei kucken ahfen yam.

Genius. Don't they look real?

Get "Nation." How about "Nation"?

Get a doll for Betty. It's her baby shower.

Get in the car.

Get my cane.

Get out of here! How did you know that?