Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Season 3 Edit

A bra?

A bra? What the fuck's wrong with that dog?

A dog!

A little sunscreen on it and it's fine.

A seven year old kid drank some wine?

A what? It's a corpse sniffing...?

Ach, "Balden."

Ah hh!

Ah, yeah, me too.

All fucked up on alcohol. All liquored up.

All right, look at your new home.

All right, my friend. Goodbye.

All right, okay, okay. So now I understand.

All right, you're interested?

All right? So you have to decide

And a tad on the oaky side.

And ahem...

And as long as I'm here, I'll take the dog.

And he's a wreck. But the dog is so great.

And he's sniffing and sneezing all the time,

And he's using our money to pay for it.

And her kid's pretty broken up about it.

And how wrong I was, it was easy to do.

And I'm sorry.

And listen...

And my daddy's at a hotel.

And only because he's bald.

And she suddenly develops a speech impediment?

And she was worried so she got a dog for security, and...

And the reason this is all happening

And then you look like you're trying to hide something.

And we'll have to tear up the floor.

Anyway, I actually came

Anyway, thanks Stu, that's very nice of you.

Anyway, that's my spiel.

Are they gonna take the hat off? Wear it?

Are you excited about the Braudys? Come here, give me a kiss.

As long as you happen to be here, you'll take the dog back?

At $140 a bottle, I don't want "fine."

At some point we're gonna get a dog

Because a man and a woman are married...

Because a thank you is just a little more than you can handle.

Because she's not getting her dog back, okay?

Because something's come up...

Because the dog makes Daddy sick."

Because you haven't worked a day since you got out of college.

Believe me, I know as much about this as the next guy.

Blessing in disguise.

But for the sake of discussion,

But he's allergic to the dog,

But is it really important, Larry?

But the dog is fabulous with her.

But when her daughter told me I could have the dog,

But you know how I feel about what happened at dinner.

But you're choosing Oscar. I'm your dad.

By the way, he turned up a bra today. There's no corpse.

Bye bye, now! You can leave now.

Bye... no, keep going.

Can we get the splash guards in the urinal now?

Can you please pour some for me? You can't send this back.

Cheryl, you don't work for yourself.

Come on, Sammy. What do you say?

Come on.

Daddy and I were talking...

Daddy doesn't feel good.

Did somebody drop some meat or something?

Didn't I say last time we were here

Do I look like a fucking idiot, that I'm gonna believe you?

Do you have something to say to me, Larry?

Do you have something to say to me, Larry?

Does that bother anybody when I make a noise like that?

Doggie! Oh, he's so cute.

Don't be silly, you weren't gonna give him to me.

Drunk? What are you talking about?

Enjoy.

Every day for the rest of your life you have to...

Exactly.

Explain it to her, what's going on.

First of all...

For dinner that my husband and I treated you to.

Forget it. You know what?

From that freaking dog. I am highly allergic to dogs.

Fuck!

Get me the fucking dog!

Getting my kid drunk?!

Give Uncle Larry a kissy, Oscar boy.

Go home! It's all taken care of.

Go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom.

Go, bye bye. I have to go walk my dog.

Good boy.

Good, good. It's good to see you guys.

Good, good. Whew!

Great, they have a little girl.

Great. Where did you find him?

Hamster?

Having a great meal... so glad to see you guys.

He came running out of the restaurant.

He can't stay in the same house with Oscar."

He sleeps on my bed.

He told me. He goes, "I found this guy, he's great.

He wants a dog, and we can't put him off anymore.

He's a bra sniffing dog.

He's a good bra sniffing dog.

He's always wanted a dog, and we kept putting him off.

He's bald." Does that seem logical?

He's closing us down for three weeks now.

He's like an elephant sticking his head in a pond.

He's sitting right next to me.

He's the one who goes to work and earns the money.

He's, I don't know, maybe four.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, hey what do you say?

Hey, you know me, I don't like to complain.

Hi, Phil Dunlap, here for the chef's position.

Hi.

His house. I'm at the W. Hotel. It's his house now.

How about a rabbit?

How come there's no partitions in the bathroom between the urinals?

How do we do this, how do we do this?

How is everything going? How are the kids? How's the house?

How long is it gonna take to get all this back?

How long will that take?

How old is the dog?

How's the dog working out?

I bore her, she bores so easily.

I can't live with this dog, it's making me crazy.

I did hire a bald man, but...

I didn't expect it. I just didn't, but thank you.

I don't know what got into me.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I don't know what you did to him.

I don't know.

I don't know. I thought we were gonna have that.

I don't like cats.

I don't understand how this thing works.

I don't want Oscar.

I don't want the peeing, I don't want the chewing.

I enjoyed the chicken very much.

I got something to take care of.

I got to call that bald chef and tell him.

I guess you'll have to continue to wait

I had a German shepherd when I was a little boy.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have to hang with it today 'cause Susie's got

I just left her,

I just love that dog.

I just want to thank you for dinner the other night.

I just want to try this wine.

I like Oscar better.

I mentioned Oscar.

I never heard of a little girl that didn't want a pony.

I really need it. I mean, she wants the dog back.

I saw your daddy use it the other day.

I started losing when I was 15.

I take back my thank you, by the way.

I thank people when they deserve to be thanked.

I think he's found something.

I think there's a real strong possibility

I think you know me well enough to know that by now.

I thought she had a speech impediment.

I told her, "Daddy's sick.

I want a good, smart, trained dog.

I want Daddy.

I want to talk to you about that.

I wanted to give this dog to you, but your mommy doesn't want it.

I was so wrong about that.

I was surprised at how good it was, actually.

I wasn't gonna have dessert?

I would've thanked you as I told you.

I wouldn't blow it, he's asleep.

I... that's great.

I'd have my henchmen going around tugging at people's hair.

I'll tell you why I'm asking,

I'm just so happy to see you.

I'm not allowed to talk about anything I'm doing.

I'm not allowed to talk about it. She doesn't like it.

I'm still waiting.

I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

I'm taking him to the Braudys.

I'm telling you, I'm gonna take my money out of this place.

I'm telling you, this is an amazing dog.

I'm very... I am impressed.

If I'm going to be a sick megalomaniac,

If it comes off...

If it's a thank you that you're waiting for.

If she doesn't know you've got to tell her.

If there's a dead body underneath there, we are fucked.

If you had paid for the meal,

If you want to thank me for dinner, I will look at your dog.

If you're allergic, why do you have the dog?

If you're gonna be in a convertible,

In this particular instance, you do not deserve to be thanked.

Is anybody disturbed by that? And why should you be?

Is because of your pal Oscar.

Is it important? It looks nice now.

Is that it? Is there more?

Is that Oscar's whistle?

Is there a body with it?

Is this what you're saying to me?

Isn't he a corpse sniffing dog?

Isn't there another animal we could interest you in?

It hurts right here. I have a horrible, horrible pain.

It tastes a little like a tree.

It was... the glasses got...

It's a corpse sniffing dog. They got it from the fire department.

It's completely about where it's coming from.

It's extraordinary. It's a shame.

It's her dog, it is her dog.

It's just a fact of where the money came from.

It's like having a person there who barks.

It's nice to be affectionate to something German.

It's not a matter of sophistication,

It's not about where it's coming from, it's what it becomes.

It's not an issue in our marriage either.

It's not boring if you torture them.

It's not her dog anymore, Larry, because you brought it here.

Jakey is driving us nuts.

Jeff and his wife.

Jeff's got that German shepherd...

Just get... leave, leave right now.

Keep going, leave!

Larry David?

Larry, come on.

Larry, I'm waiting, I'm just waiting.

Larry, you piece of shit!

Larry!

Leave the doggie alone. He's not our dog.

Let me ask you this...

Let's talk about your dad, okay?

Look at that, he came! I can't believe it.

Look, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it,

Looks like he smells something.

Maybe you brought him for some animal testing or something,

Mm hmm.

Mmm... Oscar.

My daughter's in love with that dog. What do I do?

My eyes are watering and I feel horrible.

My family's dog, not my dog.

My fault. It was my fault the whole time.

My house? No, no, his house.

My mommy's next door. She'll be home soon.

My pleasure. You're welcome.

My wife and I were separated for a while.

Mystery is solved.

No convertibles. Oh, God, I hate that.

No freaking puppy, though.

No, I am not. I'm not giving you my dog.

No, I mean, do you have anything else to say to me from dinner?

No, if I hadn't told Mindy Reiser that thing...

No, it's not more than I can handle.

No, Larry, Larry, come on, you can't.

No, no, no splitting. No splitting.

No, no, no, it was my fault. I overreacted...

No, she told me I could have the dog.

No, that floor is spotless for the health inspection.

No.

No. Too fruity.

Nothing else down here. That's it.

Now I'm back and the dog ain't going anywhere.

Now they reconciled and he's moved back,

Of course you get thanked. It's a 50/50 thing.

Oh my God, it's Oscar!

Oh my God, this would be perfect for you.

Oh my God.

Oh, absolutely. 'Cause you have to wear a hat

Oh, come on that's ridiculous!

Oh, I poured some of your... I had poured some wine.

Oh, I thought he treated me to it.

Oh, listen, you four eyed fuck, you stole the dog!

Oh, positively.

Oh, she must have accidentally...

Oh, shit.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Look at this.

Okay, bye, Larry. Bye bye, now.

Okay, Larry only likes him because he's bald.

Okay, okay, all right.

Okay.

Okay. Extraordinary.

Ooh.

Oscar, you come back right...!

Oscar!

Oscar! You...! Oscar!

Oscar?

Oscar.

Oskie!

Perhaps a little pussycat?

Psychologically wrong with them, what about the transplant people?

Pulled out the credit card and put it down, yes.

Put him in a cage and you can torture him a little bit.

Right here, I have a pain so severe,

She chose a fucking dog over her own father.

She didn't work, I earned the money.

She stinks like a fuckin' wino!

She told you you could take the dog after you got her

She wants Oscar! She wants the dog!

She was left alone in the house

She was quite drunk at the time, unbeknownst to me.

She wasn't in her... didn't have all of her senses.

She'll understand, don't you think?

She's at home hysterical that her dog is gone!

She's bored with restaurant talk.

She's slurring her words, she's bumping into things,

Sneezing, up all night.

So am I to assume that you do not want the dog?

So that's why you're here.

So we'll pee at home for a while before we come.

So what do you do, pay her a salary?

So what if he works and you don't?

So what's going on with your restaurant?

So you could thank us, we're taking you out to dinner.

So...

Some stuff to do with tiling at the new house.

Sounds perfect. You know what?

Still people go off to the side.

Stop it.

Stu, is it our... it's our money.

Stu...

Tell her "Daddy can't live in this house

Tell the manager. Have him taste it... an actual Bordeaux glass.

Thank you, Stu.

Thank you, thank you very much!

Thank you, thank you very much.

Thank you.

That could be absolutely perfect.

That guy who smashed into Alanis Morissette?

That has nothing to do with it.

That in my marriage, that's not an issue.

That Stu considers it...

That wasn't easy to do and I really do appreciate it.

That's it folks. There's nothing else in there.

That's it? a bra?

That's on the safe side. Things could arise,

That's right. We had a little chat.

That's what it's about, "Where does it come from?"

That's what they do, these guys with the hats, don't they?

That's what was so puzzling to me.

The cork is dry. We need to send this back.

The dog is actually great.

The one that you never actually gave me anyway.

The owner of the dog actually wants the dog back.

Then I'm gonna have him do a little fetching for me.

Then the girl is gonna be, like, "I didn't know you were bald."

Then they'll show up on a date.

There will have to be an investigation,

There's a dead body underneath that floor.

There's something psychologically going wrong...

They dug up the electric, the gas, the plumbing, it's...

They have a terrible decision...

They took him back to your house.

They wear it all the time, and they'll meet a girl

They would take that dog off your hands tomorrow.

They're looking for a dog for the kids.

They're loving him, he's sweet as can be.

This dog kills me, I'm so allergic to it.

This is a high class restaurant, Larry.

This is nice.

This is not gonna be that kind of crowd.

This is the corpse sniffing dog I was telling you about.

This isn't a bus station. What do you think?

This new chef we got, he's gonna be fantastic.

This rescue canine is well credentialed.

To new times, good friends.

To round up people who I hated, they would be on my list.

To talk to you.

Tough customer.

Ugh... this routine.

Uh huh.

Um um. No, I'm sorry, no.

Very funny, that's very funny.

Wait a second, wait a second, hold on.

We can't get it in time. We open in three days.

We can't have the bathroom fixed in three days.

We had dinner with them the other night.

We might hop into the pool. Bye, Larry.

We open in three days. This is ridiculous.

We shouldn't have brought the dog here in the first place.

We shouldn't have called the cops.

We want a little pee privacy, do we not?

We were all crazy.

We'll look for a dog someplace else.

We're fucked. No one will ever come to the restaurant

We're going to the Braudys, you excited?

We're opening next week.

Well trained just like you said. He's terrific.

Well, folks,

Well, here's Oscar.

Well, I must say that I am just glad

Well, it's a long story,

Well, Larry, go back and tell her to have another drink.

Well, Oskie boy. Huh?

Well, you can call it our money,

Well...

What about me? You gonna thank me too?

What are you doing, Oscar?

What do you mean, what do you mean?

What do you say, Oskie boy?

What does "oaky" mean?

What does he got there?

What happened was they separated...

What I'm saying is, if you say Oscar,

What if there's a dead body under there?

What is it? So what?

What is that, that dog whistle?

What makes you say that, Cheryl?

What the fuck do you think you're doing

What's going on?

What's going on? Has he got something?

What's he got?

What's wrong with it?

When I was on "Seinfeld" I wasn't allowed to talk about "Seinfeld."

When she said I could have the dog

When you're wrong, you're wrong, you know?

Where they found a body. It'll be in the papers. We're fucked.

Where's the whistle part?

Whether you want Daddy or Oscar.

While we were separated, she got this dog.

Whose money is it in your household?

Why are you watching this?

Why look for one when there's one right here?

Why... why do I have to thank you?

Why'd you bring the dog back?

With what you got going on here, it's a mess.

Wouldn't hurt a fly.

Wow. When did you start losing it?

Yeah, a little bit earlier. I actually like it.

Yeah, all yours.

Yeah, congratulations.

Yeah, I got to go to the bathroom, right.

Yeah, I think she would.

Yeah, look at you.

Yeah, privacy. I'm absolutely with you.

Yeah, you're such a good boy!

Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, look at you. Look at you.

Yeah. Please...?

Yeah. So I thanked him.

Yes, Michael. It is important, yes.

You can do it right now because I will be calling the police.

You can't go outside without the sunscreen.

You deserve a thank you. And I was dead wrong.

You don't get the opportunity that often, you know?

You don't have to drink it. We'll order something else.

You don't want someone looking down at your thing.

You got her drunk and stole the fucking dog, all right?!

You got the city involved now... Larry, I'm sorry.

You know the Braudys?

You know what? I think I'm gonna have this instead.

You know what? It's not going to happen.

You know what? Once I realized the situation

You picked up the last one.

You really love Oscar.

You sat down, you laid it out?

You sick fuck, Larry David!

You sicko fucko asshole.

You're a housewife, you raise the kids.

You're an expert in wine? Go ahead, taste it.

You're gonna hear from me soon.

You're married, you're a couple.

You're more than welcome.

You're really gonna disappoint a little girl.

You're such a good boy.

You've got kids, that's a full time job.

You've got to sit down and talk to her.

You've had it for a half hour so you think it's your dog?

You've known the kid since she was born,

15, wow, earlier than me, yeah.

"You misrepresented yourself." Exactly.

Absolutely. Yes, yes, very.

And it's their money. It's not "their money," it's my money.

And she got a shepherd. Right, and now...

And thank you, Susan. You're welcome.

Back on track. Water under the bridge.

Because of a bra? Yeah, they dug up the whole place.

Can I come in? Mm hmm.

Daddy won't be here. I know.

Did you? Yeah, yeah.

Don't say that. That's not true. Is that?

Don't send that back. Feel the cork.

Don't touch your eyes. I'm not touching anything.

Don't you have to go to the bathroom? Huh?

Drunk? How old is this girl? Seven. Anyway...

Fine. It's fine, it's delicious.

He keeps talking about him. You can't believe this dog.

He understands everything. How's the dog with kids?

He's a bra sniffing dog. A bra sniffing dog? What the fuck?

He's gonna be disappointed. You know what?

Hello. Hi.

Here you go, boys. Cool.

Here? Yeah.

Hi, Larry. Hi, Sammy.

His name's Oscar. That's Larry's dog.

Honey, it's our money. No, it's not.

How does she buy things? She spends the money that I've earned.

Huh? I hate those people.

I don't give a shit. You don't even have to taste it.

I would say, "Get the toupee people." Absolutely.

I'll get you a nice spritzer. A spritzer.

I'm not allowed to talk about it. No, you tell us.

I'm sorry. You're not giving me the dog?

It's a delicate thing. You don't have to drink it.

It's your dog, Larry. You promised!

Leave or I am calling the police. I really need the dog.

Loving you is my job. I earned the money. It's just a fact.

Minoxidil? No, you?

My eyes are burning. You look terrible.

No, I came to thank you for dinner. Oh my God, I just knew it.

No, no, no. No, Larry.

Oh, brother. I've earned the money.

Oh, he's such a good dog. ...but not this dog.

Oh, no, absolutely not. They should kill those guys.

Oh, right. they're looking to get rid...

Oh, that idiot. Yeah, that guy.

Oh. Hi.

Okay, calm down. Where is the dog?

Oscar, Oscar! Good boy! Good boy!

Our money. Right... you know, and...

Please? Oscar?

Really acting up. Not in the kitchen.

Really? Yeah, the kids are loving him.

Right? He works, he gets the money.

Right. I remember dinner. Oscar.

So how long? Three weeks to a month, Larry.

So we'll get them. I stand corrected.

Tell her, talk to her. Hold on.

Terrific meal. It was great.

Terrific. Great.

Thank you! You're welcome.

That fucking dog! Hey, take it easy.

That is so... No, that's true.

That's good, Larry. We'll get the splash guards.

The drops and everything? Then you got to massage it in.

They're boring. But you torture them.

This is bullshit. All this for that?

Toupee? Huh? No.

Turtle? Turtles scare me.

Um mm. Pony?

What are they called? Splash guards.

What are you drinking? G**** juice. Want some?

What are you, sick? I'm only asking.

What do you got there? Holy shit.

What do you think? I'll have time for that.

What's his name? Oscar.

What's the matter? What are you doing, Oscar?

Where are you gonna be? W. Hotel.

Who's this? It's Oscar.

Yeah, a lot of sunscreen, right? Exactly.

You don't work. All right, what about...

You haven't said a word. Thank you for asking.

You know? Mm hmm.

You're gonna hear from me. Where are you going?

You've never held a job... Hey, look it's a dog.

"Balden," come with me.

"Larry couldn't possibly tell...

"Larry's not sophisticated enough to know..."

"You're a liar." Right, yeah.