How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Season 5 Edit

A

A bang, bang, bang, bang bang, bangity bang

A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin.

A butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker...

A circuit court judge...

A college bar? Man, we're probably gonna run into my students.

A college notebook?

A fifth and sixth wheel.

A filthy mecca of spectacular if undercooked pizza

A football, which isn't round, but it's still technically a ball,

A girl with daddy issues

A great guy like Don is rare.

A guy like you, beard, no mustache.

A human heart.

A little more effort would be nice.

A lot of names over the years.

A math professor, a tax assessor, a weight guesser.

A New York City Police boat

A Perfect Week!

A puppeteer, a blackjack dealer,

A stay at home mom... That's a job, too, guys.

A super time will be had by Barney on his date with Anita.

A teacup pig? Who's that working on?

A true gentleman invents a pretense to lure an honorable lady into his apartment,

About how many girls Barney's been banging lately.

About our cooking lessons and our camping trips.

About students and professors dating is really strict.

About the breakup. I was going through my mourning period.

About what kind of teacher I was going to be.

Actually, Anita's going after Barney because I told her to.

Actually, I think it's kind of sweet.

Actually, it's my roommate's.

Actually, she was doing much better

Actually, that is kind of hot.

Actually, you know what it was?

Adiós, triplet schnauzers, Frank, Lloyd, and Wright.

After a day of fighting fires,

After midnight? No way. We can't Tabooty call them, it's pathetic.

Ah, now this feels right.

Ah, tweed. Textile of the eunuch.

Ah!

Ah. It can wait. (CHUCKLES)

Ah. What did you say?

Aha! You're trying that, Of Course You're Still Single.

Ain't no party like a pharma girl party 'Cause a pharma girl party don't stop

All by ourselves

All by ourselves anymore

All by ourselves...

All by ourselves...

All night long, she's hot and heavy for me.

All of our spa treatments are designed for couples.

All right, come on. Let me have it. Bring on all the Cook Pu jokes.

All right, he's just been like, bang, bang, bang!

All right, I guess they're not idiots.

All right, kid, let's hear the story, from the beginning.

All right, kid. Let's check the scouting report.

All right, let's hit the road.

All right, next stop, Chicago.

All right, Scotter, one question about neo classical architecture

All right, shut it, woman.

All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn.

All right, we gotta fix this.

All right, you know what, Scotty, you're crowding us. Hit the bricks.

All right.

All right.

All right. I'd go with the slider.

All right. Suit yourself.

All that sexlessness has made you wise.

All that stuff becomes useless.

All that stuff I told Barney,

All three of you shared one toothbrush?

ALL: Oh!

ALL: Oh.

ALL: Super weird.

Almost exclusively.

Also weird, by the way.

Also, don't look right here.

Also, who's got the worst pizza in New York?

Although I think I glimpsed her foot.

Although, I can't say I haven't been offered.

Although, one interesting thing did happen.

Am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing?

Am I right, people?

Amateurs. Hey.

Amazing! Congratulations on your Perfect Week.

Amen, sister.

Amen.

American money? Didn't watch the Leafs game?

Among other things.

An architect must be economical in his use of space, so...

An espresso, a latte, a decaf... Oh, hi, Robin.

An important job they had, well, forgotten to do.

An out of town wedding. It was finally happening.

And a healthy splash of Drakkar Noir.

And a love hate relationship with Gargamel.

And a poncho for the 10:30 Jell O show.

And a real lunch lady can get her job back.

And a singular hunger to satisfy my every carnal need?

And a singular hunger to satisfy my lover's every carnal need.

And a Smurfs T shirt, is just being ironic.

And a trampoline turned out to be too dangerous.

And after an appropriate number of years,

And another weird thing about my roommate,

And arranged itself in a perfect semi circle

And at twelve o' clock, a rotund couple going at it against the glass.

And Barney's being blamed for it.

And be all, " I don't know. It's not that I don't like you.

And both of our ladies are totally cool with it.

And boy, did he have a way with the ladies.

And by the end of it, she said...

And deep down, we all needed that Perfect Week.

And do you know who's always, usually, on the other end? A chick.

And don't charge for Wi Fi. It seems greedy!

And don't take a picture of it. She will punch you.

And feelings get hurt. It's a mess.

And fell in horse sex crement.

And figure out what else we do wrong on first dates.

And frankly, I'm still angry at the Empire.

And from here on out, that's gonna be me.

And fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time.

And get you back to New York for that test.

And getting her the hell out of here.

And God forbid, if you can't find another job, sell your place.

And got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows.

And grab me a pudding.

And had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.

And he has no idea what a great girl he's missing out on.

And he... He just walked, walked right on by it.

And he's awesome.

And he's the best friend I've ever had.

And here's a picture of my cats dressed up like Batman villains.

And his name, Jeff Foxworthy. Thank you.

And I don't belong.

And I don't know, it's weird. I already feel like seconds.

And I don't wanna take the subway, 'cause, you know, germs.

And I don't want to miss out on knowing you.

And I don't wear glasses.

And I guess it was a mistake for us to go out tonight.

And I have no idea where she's going with this.

And I just think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.

And I know my shellfish pun is stupid, but the truth is,

And I love my wife more and more every day.

And I really don't want to screw up our friendship.

And I say, " I'm a PhD candidate

And I swear, it was only, like, 30% pity.

And I will not rest until those...

And I would walk 500 more...

And I would walk 500 more...

And I'd hate myself if what I did hurt you in any way,

And I'll send over the other usual as soon as she's done stretching.

And I'm here to fix your backward ass country.

And I'm just giving up?

And I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet.

And if anything didn't go according to plan, they would freak out.

And if she does say, "I love you,"

And if the alternative is not being together,

And if you don't have time for all that,

And if you're in a real rush, you don't even have to say "I'm sorry."

And in return you'd never grow old?

And insulting me in the process.

And it didn't much matter what kind.

And it doesn't even have to be a current Yankee. When I first moved here,

And it gets stupider and stupider the more you say it.

And it totally sex. But, I can't turn around, because a jogger slipped

And it's about to crash into an art museum with all of your favorite paintings,

And it's not just that, it's other things.

And it's really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs.

And Jenkins ate the whole jar!

And Joanna's toothbrush flips off the side of the sink,

And just spank him with his little paddle until his bum's all red.

And no amount of success will ever make up

And no matter how hard you try to fight it, couples need other couples.

And not a single fatty. It's impressive.

And not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other.

And not entirely my fault

And now I can't cancel because I said I would go out with him on the air.

And now that I think about it, not as well lit.

And now that we're best couple friends

And now, apparently, I might end up getting deported.

And now, she's off sulking God knows where.

And one lucky patient will be receiving a very special chocolate heart,

And one seven years earlier.

And our future children, and our future cat or monkey,

And photo montages documenting various mundane events.

And plow her like a cornfield.

And plow her like a cornfield.

And plus, it sounds awesome!

And prayed to the Gods

And punch her right in the nose. Give her a knuckle sandwich!

And put off cleaning the bathroom with.

And rip his stupid clothes off,

And rule number three, never feed them after midnight,

And she can quote every line from Caddyshack!

And she thought I was a complete idiot.

And she thought, "Hey, free lodging."

And she will be 'cause I'll wear my nice blazer.

And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty.

And since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe.

And so are you.

And so hot women put on high heels and became stewardesses.

And so, hot girls rolled into doctors' offices, looking sexy enough to render

And so, Lily, I guess what I'm saying is, it happened.

And so, Marshall, to honor Lily, you must find

And some people imagine they're being interviewed by renowned sportscaster,

And somehow, right now, you're both.

And sometimes, you just lose focus, and it almost always leads to a hit.

And speaking of rare, prime rib. Don't forget. Thank you.

And speaking of things that are less awesome,

And starts gyrating like some sort of deranged stripper.

And Ted and Robin, and Ted and Victoria?

And tell him that there's no way that you could ever be with him.

And tell them about the time Uncle Barney nailed seven chicks in a row.

And that ass? I would wear that thing for a hat.

And that word is "no."

And that's lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil.

And that's my bad leg.

And that's my bad leg.

And that's my story.

And that's when I saw it,

And that's why I did this and I'm sorry.

And that's your superdate

And the Belgian waffle locked and loaded.

And the childhood obesity it leads to, who is this?

And the guys you don't want to call you, who always do.

And the more you touch it, the softer it gets.

And the next thing I know, they're inviting me

And the only way, the only way to save everything,

And the sport of sleeping with random hotties

And their professor all got the room wrong.

And then I found out my aunt's in the hospital.

And then man said, " Life is hard.

And then man took to the skies.

And then one tiny little detail came out

And then watch out, because it is on!

And then we were gonna sit around telling funny stories

And then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you,

And then you kidnapped me. You didn't even let me put on underwear!

And then, boom!

And then, I told her everything. It just came pouring out.

And then, on Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m. for the fall foliage hike.

And then, once you're off the phone with Lily,

And then, there's Tabby Gail Adams, the jester of the group.

And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?

And there's about to be one more story. I'm gonna bang Jenkins.

And there's kids playing hockey on the back.

And there's the Chrysler Building. And the Empire State Building.

And they all have Elton John on the back.

And they are my best friends,

And they didn't even bill me. Idiots.

And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces.

And they use "Ulee" because of the vowels.

And throw chairs at people here, you have to do this.

And thus began the most humiliating seven minutes of my life.

And thus ends the tale of the Sexless Innkeeper.

And thus she became the Sexless Innkeeper.

And tomorrow, I'm gonna get fired.

And true, my mom says she doesn't have the hips to birth an Eriksen child, but it...

And two, you don't jinx a man going for a Perfect Week.

And waited.

And we have catered to couples ever since.

And we were gonna go on camping trips together,

And we were wondering if maybe you wanted to come.

And we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken.

And what do you plan on doing with it?

And what does frat guy say to that?

And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?

And where are your pants?

And why is it almost entirely dudes?

And with all these accomplishments though,

And years later, I found out this poor bastard was on Henrietta 's hook.

And yet, he is only remembered for one thing.

And yet, here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe,

And you can bring home some prime rib for my friend Marshall.

And you can't knock her up 'cause it's a dream.

And you chewed on the end of this recently.

And you deserve a co anchor who gives a crap.

And you need to cut her out of your life forever.

And you realize, "Wait a second, it's a duck."

And you will cry for the third time that night.

And you, sir, the rabbit or the duck?

And you. You know,

And you're the only one for me, baby.

And your mom? Well, she got her yellow umbrella back.

And,

And, depending on how things are going, some lively pre dinner charades.

And, frankly, more creative.

And, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden.

And, it scares away guys who are only interested in getting laid.

And, kids, it wasn't pretty.

And, kids, Lily and Marshall's hard work had paid off,

And, kids, that's the first time I ever saw your mother's little yellow bus.

And, Lil, Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble

And, yes. We can.

And, you know, the stats, they really speak for themselves.

ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen, say hello to (STAMMERING) Jasmine.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen...

Any questions?

Any word from Dale?

Anyhoo, we can't stay long.

Anyone?

Anything, buddy. What is it?

Anyway, I just don't think you and I are gonna work.

Anyway, Lisa Walker strung me along for months

Anyway, next thing you know, I get her back to my place.

Anyway, speaking of food, Marshall, I've got some bad news.

Apparently, she says it a lot.

Archie Bunker's neighbor was George Jefferson.

Architect?

Architecture's fun! Look! I brought a Hacky Sack!

Are all on a plane piloted by Oprah,

Are impeccably well dressed

Are these yours?

Are you asking us if all the Pu is out of our system?

Are you coming back to bed, Professor?

Are you free next Saturday?

Are you free?

Are you free? Are you free?

Are you free? Are you free?

Are you getting any of this?

Are you gonna order a drink

Are you guys... Ducks are... Ducks are...

Are you happy, Truthy McGee?

Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles

Aren't we supposed to go on a double date with Ted?

Around not three, not four,

As friends to give you some song and dance.

As long as you're happy, I'm happy.

As man mastered technology, the hottest profession of the day evolved.

As performed by an English muffin is, to this day,

As the woman I'm married to, then I'd admit it. But she's not.

At one of the surest signs of taking a relationship to the next level,

Attention, Canada!

Auditing?

Authoritative or cool guy.

Aw, duck.

Aw. You're giving Mabel away?

Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy.

Awesome. Okay, I'll see you in, like, 10 minutes?

Awesome. What really happened?

B t dub, I called ahead, it's lime.

Baby, cut it out of me.

Baby, we can do this.

Baby, you don't have to pretend other women aren't attractive

Baby, you should be able to fantasize about another woman

Back in college, Ted and I used to take these crazy road trips

Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack.

Bad news. Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bangity bang

Bang, bang, bangity bang I said a bang bang...

Bang, bang, bangity bang I said a bang, bang, bangity bang

Barack Obama, Jr?

Barney and I are barely equipped to date each other, let alone you guys.

Barney and Robin enter here. Stop here for margaritas.

Barney and Robin finally, well...

Barney had turned Robin into a real American.

Barney was taking a night school class taught by me.

Barney, are you awake?

Barney, are you wearing sweat pants?

Barney, Barney, let it go to voicemail.

Barney, I trust you. I regret I even asked you the question, okay.

Barney, I'm a figment of your imagination, so, apparently, you do. Think about that.

Barney, I'm not gonna just give up on her.

Barney, I'm not taking the test.

Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up.

Barney, I'm so sorry about your friend.

Barney, I've thought about this.

Barney, if you're not gonna take her out on 17 dates,

Barney, she's just going to pretend to like you

Barney, we gotta stop you for a second. There's something I have to ask.

Barney, we know you might get fired. Wait. You have to talk about this.

Barney, when I get in bed with a man, my body becomes a machine,

Barney, when you were with this girl,

Barney, why are we here?

Barney, you lied to me.

Barney, you ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall?

BARNEY: A member of the 2009 World Champion New York Yankees.

BARNEY: I found that a slot machine was too fun.

BARNEY: It all started when I decided to set myself a little challenge.

BARNEY: Man was a hunter.

BARNEY: Mmm.

BARNEY: Oh, you're still seeing that guy?

BARNEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Girlfriend? Hey, come on.

Barney!

Barney!

Barney?

Barney?

Barney?

Barney.

Barney. This is not a one night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed.

Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning.

Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on.

Barney's phone. I wonder how it got in there.

Barney's phone. Teddy West Side speaking.

Barney's whole life is a cry for help.

Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic, and wants to 96 me.

Bastard!

Be cool, baby. Damn.

Be more attentive to where she is emotionally.

Beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have.

Beauchemin went five hole in OT.

Because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you.

Because for the next week, I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women,

Because I am now in possession of a magic phone that always rings.

Because I'm angry at you! I'm angry at me! I'm angry at Ted!

Because if you're not going to wear it, I'm taking it back.

Because it was exactly the same.

Because my visa is about to expire.

Because of that? Come on. That's my thing.

Because Robin is already his girlfriend.

Because that girl was terrific. In fact...

Because that is just some sweet, sweet loving.

Because the people who wear them are constantly going,

Because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time.

Because Tiffany said she'll "try to stop by"?

Because we have a couples' hike in the morning.

Because we went ahead and booked

Because, guess what? You don't want her?

Beer here!

Before she hops on your disco stick.

Before the light changes. Anyway, everyone's honking at me.

Being up here, it's... It's good practice for me.

Best bros.

Best night ever Then we played charades

Best night ever!

Big boobs, small boobs, medium boobs,

Big Fudge can make her jealous.

Blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver.

Blondes, brunettes, redheads.

Boobs.

Boom! Alpha dog is right where he belongs, on top.

BOTH: Ding.

Bowl?

Bowl.

Bowl.

Bowl.

Bowl.

Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.

Boxing had Ali, basketball had Jordan,

Boy, this girl that Barney's going after, she kind of sounds like the anti Barney.

Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend.

Brad, we can't fight like this all night!

Brian Glowatz, Glowatz? Hi.

Bring out Stripper Lily!

Buckle up, Jimbo. This one's a doozy.

But a very cute idiot.

But after I married Helen,

But as your Uncle Barney was about to find out,

But before we go any further,

But could you maybe not murder me?

But Don was not.

But don't you have to get back up to the inn?

But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess.

But even when I do, I feel so guilty

But first, I'm going to make Marshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant

But five different kinds of sturdy, cheese bearing crackers?

But for what it's worth, this week wasn't a waste.

But how about this?

But how did you find me, anyway?

But how do these things even work? What do we say?

But how great is it to drink some Tantrum again?

But I did get a little bit closer to meeting the woman of my dreams.

But I did what I had to do.

But I didn't. So, after that, whenever I talked about Jenkins,

But I don't think he speaks much English.

But I feel a real connection here, Seven. Christy.

But I feel like our paths are supposed to cross somehow.

But I guess you're right.

But I had no idea I'd be so much worse at being an ex boyfriend.

But I had no idea I'd be so much worse at being an ex boyfriend.

But I have to imagine Robin said something like that.

But I hear you make a mean chocolate cake.

But I think Mama knows when a dude's digging the show.

But I was an idiot back then.

But I'll get to that.

But I'm glad we stuck it out.

But I'm sort of seeing this guy.

But I've learned a lot since then. I've learned a lot tonight.

But if that's true, that's awesome.

But it also says, "Don't teach drunk," and I do that all the time.

But it seems chicks are really digging the whole professor thing.

But it was actually on Robin.

But it's round like a ball,

But like I said, it happened.

But maybe I should have put aside

But nobody stands me up like that, so, are we going out or what?

But not in ours.

But not so interesting that it overpowers the night.

But now he realized it wasn't that at all.

But now he suddenly felt like Helen had taken his place.

But now it's like you've disappeared into Lily.

But one of these days, you're gonna realize,

But one thing is sure.

But she is no crazy, jealous stalker bitch. Let go.

But she looks just like you.

But she's keeping you around, just in case, like an old can of chili in the pantry.

But so does my oldest brother, Marvin Jr. Anyway,

But that guy's a lost cause.

But that means...

But that morning, Don had gone too far.

But that's not why I was embarrassed.

But that's Scotty. He's one of my students, and he's looking at me.

But the fact is, we also can't live without each other.

But the left one, yeah, I'm glad you're back there.

But the most important facial expression of all?

But the truth is that will never happen.

But then came night five, and with it, trouble.

But then I found the perfect bait.

But then one day, you look at it,

But there's one name none of us ever expected to hear him called.

But there's...

But this changes everything.

But this crust is so good. What is the secret to this crust?

But this week, you were three for three, with no sign of slowing down.

But um, but um, but um, but um, but um, but um, but um, but um...

But we had no idea how much.

But we respect you guys too much

But we're not even, like, going out for dinner.

But we're still getting married, right?

But we're still stopping for chili dogs first.

But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend

But what she does have is a very special set of skills.

But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago.

But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper.

But when we dial the telephone

But who's cozier?

But you are belligerently sticking to your guns,

But you can call me Ted.

But you didn't do the check dance.

But you don't mess with a man when he's in the middle of a...

But you have to know, I stopped it right away,

But you have to understand, back then I was still really upset

But you heard her. She wants to do it again, soon.

But you're not just another number to me.

But, before any of that, we're gonna do it on this bed

But, Robin, if you want to live here, work here,

But, Ted, don't feel bad. We've all been there.

But, um, if there's any college kids watching,

But, um, if you had to summarize your book, in 30 words or less.

But, um!

But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um...

But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um...

But, yeah, I caught her crying a couple times.

But, you guys, you're the best pickers I know.

But, you know, it's not going to be easy, this test.

But...

But...

But...

But... Just "but," no "um." Just "but."

Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.

By saying "no" constantly and consistently,

By that point, I didn't have time to think

By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers,

By the way, four eyes, new lawyer. This is Jenkins.

Bye bye, two kids I raised with a stern yet loving hand,

CALZONETTl: Sorry I'm late, everyone.

Can anyone here tell me what this class is really all about?

Can I still come?

Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?

Can we have class outside?

Can we have class outside?

Can we see the teacup pig?

Can we talk?

Can you hear this, Professor? Or should I turn it up for you?

Can't maintain residency for longer than six months without a work visa. Sorry.

Canada isn't across the Atlantic.

Car keys, please.

Case in point...

Cat funeral

Cat funeral

Cat sitting for Lily's mom

Cat sitting for Lily's mom

Check out this perfect rack

Chicago.

Class dismissed.

Classy, elegant.

Clearly.

Come again for Big Fudge?

Come here, you two.

Come on, baby. You want some soup?

Come on, dude. You know you want to.

Come on, guys. It's gotta at least sound real. Cook Pu?

Come on, Lily. You have to get Scooter off the hook. Now try again.

Come on, Marshall. Just admit that she's hotter than me.

Come on, okay, I get it. Cook Pu is a stupid name,

Come on, Robin.

Come on, they just got excited.

Come on, we're going to go get trashed on the roof.

Come on, you got to admit, that's kind of funny, Lily.

Come on!

Come on. That stuff doesn't really work, does it?

Come on. That's crazy.

Compared to your action hero ex boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about.

Considerate, sweet.

Constant, ego shattering uncertainty.

Cook didn't show up for class today.

Cook Pu.

Cook Pu. Cook Pu. Cook Pu.

Cool as a cucumber, just like he's been all week.

Cool drink of water Such a sweet surprise

Cornmeal.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember that date going that well.

Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?

Correct! What is Robin's dream job?

Crawl for it, stripper me. This is awesome, baby.

Crumpet Manor is listed in the American registry of historic bed and breakfasts.

Cut it out!

D cups? Really?

Damn it, Hordichuk! You miss another gimme like that,

Damn it! I've read the thing cover to cover and I can't find a loophole.

Damn it! Swisher's back in play.

Damn it.

Damn you, Gazzola's! (GROANS)

Damn! Sorry.

Definitely, ducks are better than rabbits.

Defusing the bomb.

Delivery for Marshall Eriksen.

Depending on who wins the game of Risk we've been playing for three years.

Designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham in the Beaux Arts style,

Did he juggle? Bad puns?

Did I not tell you guys that it was Tuxedo Night?

Did one of your whores tell you that?

Did she make excuses to establish physical contact with you?

Did she suddenly slip the word "sex" into the conversation?

Did somebody fancy herself the hottest girl in the bar?

Did you go somewhere, sweetie?

Did you hear that?

Did you know that before intercourse,

Did you two ladies lose some weight?

Did you watch the Jets game?

Didn't we meet on a yacht?

Disc eight.

Distract me? That is so condescending.

Do I know any rodeo clowns?

Do it.

Do it.

Do not call me T Dawg.

Do not talk about Dale that way, okay! He is twice the man you will ever be!

Do you do that cheapy thing where you only change the linens upon request?

Do you enjoy sitting on a bench?

Do you have a problem with this class?

Do you have any split pea left?

Do you know how long I have been waiting to land a...

Do you know who else would love this teacup pig?

Do you maybe want to, like, go out with me?

Do you really think she'd be all that jealous?

Do you really think you might get fired today?

Do you remember the first day of classes last semester?

Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price?

Does anyone know who won the Super Bowl?

Does lefty like that?

Does lefty like that?

Does she really say "but, um" that much?

Does she text her mother with those fingers?

Doesn't feel very good, does it?

Doesn't mean he's not husband material.

Don?

Don?

Don.

Don's a duck.

Don't cry in front of her four times.

Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a joke.

Don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women.

Don't want to be

Don't worry, we'll get out on the road, it'll be just like old times.

Don't you guys have, like, a toothbrush to share, or something?

Don't you see how constantly talking about your conquests

Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey!

Ducks are good.

Dude, ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a pharma girl free for all!

Dude, don't look at it. That's a rookie mistake.

Dude, I've already hooked up with three of them.

Dude, if you tell me you have a thing for a woman that is not your wife,

Dude, it was pretty awesome.

Dude, it's a barrel!

Dude, Lily gets you in real life.

Dude, what are you doing here? Get down to the bar.

Dude, why are we pulling onto the highway?

Dude, why would you do that?

Dude, you are so the reacher. You're getting her a horse.

Dude, you've been a real jerk in front of Robin

Dude, your pants were already off,

Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay?

Due out in June. We'll be right back.

During the role playing exercises.

Econ 305?

Economics 305 has been taught right here in Building 14, Room 7.

Economics?

Eh? Eh?

Eh.

Eh. I did something worse in it after The Phantom Menace premiere.

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

Enter, a dame.

Even at the apartment.

Even better, seeing him naked. What!

Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other

Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that,

Ever since he got married, he's turned from an "l" to a "we."

Ever since we lost Robin and Barney, and Ted and Stella,

Ever.

Ever.

Every bro on the go needs to know That there's no accepted substitute

Every day?

Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler.

Every single person in this room is already an architect.

Every time he used her prized rhododendron to do his business.

Every time you say "but, um," they do a shot.

Everybody loved me.

Everyone knows that.

Everything's as perky as we've always imagined!

Exactly. And I feel awful about it.

Exactly. Barney's dating again and he couldn't be happier.

Exactly. One person reaches for someone out of their league,

Except for a woman who appreciates a fine cravat.

Except she wasn't kidding about her roommate complex.

Excuse me, is anyone using this?

Excuse me. Coming through.

Excuse me. Lily, Nick Swisher thinks we're sweet.

Expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check?

Fad, flip, flop, wing

Fantazmo. Plus, my cholesterol is down, my Restless Leg Syndrome is cured.

Federal law expressly dictates that a foreign national

Fifty. One for each state.

Finding the perfect balance between father and friend.

Fine!

Finish our drinks, go out in the alley and whip stuff.

Fireworks over the Manhattan skyline, you kiss her...

First of all, you can ignore all the e mails and texts we've sent you.

First of millions! What if our kids get married?

First thing tomorrow, I'm getting rid of these suits.

First, a boat ride around the city, then a trip to Vermont.

Flared nostril ridges.

Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes.

Flipped the cushion Now everything's okay

Followed by, like, 20 minutes of grunting.

For a boat ride around the city.

For a little couples' night.

For charades.