How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Season 4 Edit

A book of love poems by Pablo Neruda.

A butterfly flaps its wings,

A check so big it doesn't take its shirt off when it goes swimming.

A check so big that when you sit next to it on an airplane, you find yourself wondering

A check so big, if you had sex with it, you wouldn't tell your buddies.

A cinnamon raisin bagel with a little cream cheese.

A coffin.

A cowboy hat?

A deal being struck between three parties

A delicate flower in stiletto pumps and leopard panties, straddling an ATV.

A dirty, skanky, surgically enhanced, Eastern European...

A few weeks ago, Bilson called us into his office.

A fish bowl. Look what turned out to be

A furricane.

A gentlemen's agreement!

A gentlemen's agreement!

A girl always dreams of hearing those words.

A girl goat, at that.

A great name for a bar!

A great new chapter of my life began today, and we're gonna celebrate.

A guy from Channel 8 called. He loved you.

A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee?

A hundred and ninety nine satisfied customers.

A hundred girls? Is that what this is about?

A kiss on the cheek is too familiar. A handshake is too formal.

A little over one percent.

A lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died.

A Manitoba Milk Bag?

A marching band to the airport from now on?

A Montreal Meatpie, and superhero lunch boxes.

A muffin, a pastrami sandwich and a bag of chips.

A new headquarters for Goliath National Bank.

A New York guide to places you might run into Stella Zinman.

A nice guy like you can't pull that off.

A nurturing womb birthing you into a new life.

A patty of ground beef so exquisite,

A penny saved is a Penny Marshall! Yes!

A photo from the first day we moved into this place.

A pregnancy test, but instead of a little blue line,

A prison of my own heart.

A projection chart!

A question mark? You got laid off a question mark?

A steady, unrelenting, unbearable stream of pity.

A still in the closet 80 year old wouldn't be into that mess.

A taco?

A toast to Mitch.

A two story Stetson with outdoor dining on the brim.

A whore, dear. A dirty whore.

A woo girl is a type of young woman

A young blade by the name of Mitch.

About an architect who designed this library.

About lying to such a kindhearted woman, okay?

About marriage and kids, it was... It was nice to know that you were there.

About me shooting beer cans on the roof.

About number of sex partners.

About Ted not having sex with the people he hires?

About the way Barney wants to stay young at heart.

About to have sex with Ted.

About why you didn't get the job in the first place.

Above that.

Absolutely not. That would be lame.

Across a chasm of just six or seven feet awaited a landscaped paradise.

Acting like they're the manliest guys in the universe,

Acting rule number eight,

Acting rule number five,

Acting rule number one,

Actually doing things gets you fired.

Actually, "au revoir"means "until we see each other again."

Actually, I've already stuck it to her plenty of times.

Actually, in a weird way, we both think you're kind of perfect for each other.

Actually, my assistant, Reginald, makes all my appointments.

Actually, past that,

Actually, she does.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. I'm going to get a bagel.

Actually, we're renovating the new York Public Library.

Actually, yes.

Actually, you can see that look, there's a video, www...

Actually, you know, there is a fire at this barbecue I'm headed to.

Addison, it's not soccer. You don't kick the ball!

After a photographer "discovered" you at a food court

After a while, it's all noise.

After all these interviews, after all these disappointments,

After Barney told me about all this, I crunched the numbers and, well,

After everything he's been through with Stella?

After it swallowed a little X. Nailed it!

After she broke up with that dude, she called me, we went out,

After the way these last couple of months have gone,

Again? Wait. How many times have you broken me up with a girlfriend?

Age you moved to New York

Ah, yes, the mentoring.

Ah! I'm going to say that again.

Ah.

Ah. Yes, albóndigas.

Ah... These are my friends. Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin.

Alex Trebek, a Musty Goaltender, Beanie Babies!

All I have to do is never see Stella again, and I'll live a long, happy life.

All I need is Arizona Tech, which is crazy.

All I tried to do was get you guys to talk about your issues.

All my life, I have dared to go past what is possible.

All of her friends are here, I've lived here my whole life,

All of my friends were haunted,

All right, Barney. As your manager, I'm throwing in the towel.

All right, catch me up. What's been going on?

All right, chumps, let's do this. Barney Stinson!

All right, come on.

All right, goodbye, Mr. Mayor.

All right, I gotta get to Stella's.

All right, I guess you have a point.

All right, I'm going to head upstairs and keep working.

All right, I'm off to go do laundry at Mom's house.

All right, it was Cosmo Girl! Just drive, okay?

All right, let's just go inside then, shall we?

All right, Marshall, remember, it might not taste as good.

All right, see you later.

All right, she read it in Cosmo. All right, I read it in Cosmo.

All right, so what are you waiting for? Get out and find the burger!

All right, sweetie, go check in with that dirty hippie over there

All right, Ted, your bachelor party, tonight.

All right, Ted. You win. I hate this.

All right, thanks a lot, buddy. I didn't need to sleep tonight.

All right, that's it, you're taking a walk. Come on, go.

All right, we'll see you tomorrow night.

All right.

All right. All right, break it, break it up!

All right. I'm calling him. But it's 4:30 in the morning.

All right. Okay. I'll set them straight.

All right. That's it.

All the programs look great.

All the stores in New York are so cramped. Every time I turn, I knock something over.

All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone.

All these little parts of the machine constantly working,

All these years I've been suiting up when I should have been suiting down. That's it.

All these years, I have been busting my hump,

All three of us are gonna be working together.

All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life

All you would hear would be silence.

ALL: (MUMBLING) Karen.

ALL: Ew!

ALL: Ooh.

ALL: Yes!

Along with a garment that he should by no means

Already asked me.

Also known as the bridesmaid paradox,

Although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.

Although, actually, I didn't.

Although, come on, a fist bump would be great. But I really mean that.

Amanda, were it so simple. You see, hand to hand combat

Amusing? Try very amusing.

An awesome night as promised.

An event of the...

An Old King Clancy?

And "Make him shut up" really doesn't count as conversation.

And 45 minutes to an hour of some other activity,

And a chair takes you up and down the stairs. It's perfect.

And a cookie robot in the kitchen.

And a hug is just like a public dry hump.

And a pretty clingy one at that.

And a six pack from wherever they'd been.

And a wedding ring.

And a wee bit Scottish.

And after I do, you will TP the laser tag place with me.

And after the year I've had, I... I don't know,

And again at 1:00.

And against all odds, Tony found some success as a screenwriter.

And all that's left is you,

And altogether terrifying.

And around the time we turned 30, same thing.

And Arthur Naismith, the eccentric genius guru of corporate investments?

And as result, it seemed like I was missing out on everything.

And as you can plainly see, there's nothing impressive

And asked everyone to call him M.J. Smooth.

And asked you to do an Old King Clancy?

And Barney needed to prove that he, too, could pull off The Naked Man.

And Barney, April asked if tomorrow,

And Barney.

And best of all...

And Betty said that when he goes, she's gonna off herself.

And boom goes the dynamite. The coolest bar in New Jersey.

And bring it all the way back to New Jersey anyway?

And Brown Eyed Girl.

And by 3:00 in the morning...

And by me, he means M E, Marshall Eriksen,

And by the way, I don't sit around my apartment

And call him I will.

And call me "glass half full," but I think they're getting dumber.

And can I just say, you have amazing eyes.

And caught himself a 16 pound walleye.

And caused the death of most of the royal family,

And created a new task force to oversee my designs.

And cut right above it. It's a total game changer!

And damn it if it wasn't the best year of my life.

And deep down, you know that none of those women

And did you hear? They laid off everybody on the eighth floor.

And do more stuff.

And do the thing I gotta do, and once I made that decision, everything changed.

And do you know that young man's name?

And don't forget about...

And drive all the way out there again tomorrow.

And e mails and phone calls in the middle of the night.

And each one takes months to make.

And even though they didn't win anything,

And every girl should marry.

And every time the world tries to take it away from you,

And everyone came back to my house to celebrate.

And everyone is going to sleep with me again.

And everyone is going to think it's great

And everyone was so sure I was gonna be such a big success.

And factual.

And feel that way for one more night,

And feet, maybe? I don't know what the rules are.

And Fez, this awesome lounge at 85th and Broadway, became a bank.

And figure out what trust games we're going to play

And figured out how to lock a bathroom. Up top.

And finally take the bus to Providence to give Karen a piece of his mind.

And five, every night when I go to sleep, it's the freest,

And for a kid from Minnesota, the big city was a scary place.

And for a long time, I just focused on being a mother.

And for four years, this desk has been my cocoon.

And for four years, this desk has been my cocoon.

And for that matter, we're too old for laser tag.

And for you?

And get paid in candy, but...

And getting their kids up for school?

And have a gaggle of rug rats, like, right now.

And have my whole life figured out.

And have some of these here orange slices?

And he clearly doesn't know what LOL means.

And he didn't get to kill those people?

And he eats lunch at MacLaren's every day.

And he got me back to his place

And he never looked back.

And he was falling for, I swear, like, two minutes.

And he'd be married.

And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday.

And he's pretty sure he had a different burger.

And her front.

And her only wish was for her sons

And here and here. And...

And here you've been hiding a whole batch of them from me.

And here.

And how Aunt Lily, in a fit of mercy,

And how grateful I'd be to get there,

And how he brought a goat,

And how he told the whole class what he was gonna do to the goat later that day.

And how it was a miracle.

And hung up. What do you want?

And I also... I had a salty lunch... And so I'm retain...

And I am not going to let the fact that I am Ted's best friend be a factor in business.

And I apologize for that.

And I began to put this whole business far behind me.

And I can tell you where that is for 100 bucks.

And I can't see any reason why you and Lucy shouldn't move to New York.

And I could design those museums.

And I couldn't sleep because, well, it was 8:00.

And I didn't even know it.

And I didn't wait your precious three days to call her.

And I discovered something amazing. It wasn't scary at all.

And I don't think I can use any of the footage I already have of you.

And I don't think it was aspirin.

And I don't want to come back here and find this place trashed.

And I feel like I'm losing her to this new family,

And I got a penthouse overlooking Central Park made of gold.

And I got nowhere.

And I have a lot of tough choices to make at the bi quarterly retreat in Saint Croix.

And I just wanted to say to you,

And I kept this sweater of yours

And I know it's way past lunchtime, but I love you.

And I loved you for that.

And I never had to pay for dinner. Well, that's not true. I pay taxes.

And I never want to see you or speak to you again.

And I ordered the burger.

And I promise I'll make more time for just us.

And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend,

And I really thought Barney had forgotten our anniversary.

And I think "in the crease" speaks for itself.

And I think he would have done a hell of a job.

And I think there may be some beer out in the garage.

And I think to myself, "You know, maybe Stella made the right call."

And I think tonight's going to be de... Wait for it... lightful.

And I thought I was ready to have dinner.

And I want to use that money to make this right with you.

And I was eager to add as much of my voice as an architect

And I was out to dinner with a pretty girl.

And I went to my doctor this morning, and he said it is all cleared up,

And I would like to remind everyone that at least I was wearing pants, Marshall.

And I would look them right in the eye. Some of them for the very first time.

And I would resolve things between us.

And I'd love to see you again Friday night.

And I'm afraid that if we have a baby now, all the work will fall on me.

And I'm certainly not ready to be a stepdad to a 7 year old.

And I'm in, like, five different fantasy football leagues.

And I'm not just saying that to get a fist bump.

And I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

And I'm wearing a brown suede vest.

And I'm willing to jeopardize our future together for one night of glory.

And I've almost got enough tickets for the remote control helicopter.

And if Clarence the angel says it's true, it must be true.

And if he's missing teeth, I'm missing my pants.

And if I don't have those charts, I'm gonna get fired!

And if I see him again, I'm calling the cops.

And if it did, and I didn't look my absolute best for those greasy sluts,

And if the pain starts to come up again, we push more pain down on top of it.

And if they say that they do, then they're not human.

And if you can't do it?

And if you don't know who's winning, who gets the trophy?

And if you tell me it's at The Corner Bistro, I'm gonna smack you right in the face!

And if you're still interested...

And in reality, the kids on that other team

And in return, I'm mentoring a bright, young mind.

And in the years that followed, he kept almost jumping.

And interests, too. I am one lucky son of a bitch.

And it actually made me laugh. Peanut butter.

And it has horizontal stripes.

And it only gets worse from there.

And it starts to rain.

And it was bookmarked to my favorite poem.

And it would be pretty embarrassing and not at all funny

And it would really help if I could get, like, some charts and graphs made up.

And it's killing us to watch it killing you.

And it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch. Sorry.

And it's so loud all the time. Yes, it's the city that never sleeps.

And Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday."

And just crawl into this bun, get all cozy and die there.

And just finished reading The Notebook

And just refresh us, what was that situation?

And just when you've decided never to text anyone ever again...

And Kyle and I weren't even doing anything serious.

And look how well it worked. You're back to normal.

And look, huge spike in interest coming!

And losing.

And may the road ahead be lit with dreams and tomorrows.

And my instincts are saying this feels very good.

And my son Tyler.

And no, I'm not gonna say it.

And none of that biodegradable crap. I want it up there forever.

And not just any bank.

And not just what happened, how you felt about what happened.

And now he wouldn't think of living anywhere else.

And now I'm smoking. Now I'm smoking.

And now it's so close to the wedding...

And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore.

And now there is nothing you can do about it

And now we are better than ever.

And now we are going to go in there and tell everyone

And now you're trying to pretend it was something more

And now, apparently, I will settle for "in my apartment."

And of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted. Look at her!

And one eye on all of you.

And one more thing, don't look now!

And one of them turned into a Teen Wolf.

And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.

And only hope remains in the promise of his embrace.

And only when you do that is it really gone,

And open a bed and breakfast.

And our little arrangement is over, by the way.

And paid everyone 50 bucks to act super interested in what you were saying.

And plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke.

And power down the three story margarita waterfall.

And putting my career in front of my love life.

And Robin as the number one English speaking journalist

And Robin continued to uphold

And Robin is a close second.

And said he'd get you in Vogue magazine.

And save me having to get up early to make a lesson plan.

And save you all some jail time.

And scars, hello! If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin.

And second, why are you so excited about some bank?

And see how awesome she is and what a great couple you guys are.

And she gave me this note for you.

And she had the break up talk she always avoided with me.

And she nailed it.

And she surprised him with a six pack of locally brewed beer.

And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with?

And she's getting here as fast as she can.

And she's never gonna feel the same way.

And shove it in the toilet and flush it, like, 20 times.

And since it's just physical, we don't have to worry about romance, right?

And since you've never seen Star Wars, I figured, why not? No big deal.

And so am I. It's a tie. Thanks, Marshall.

And so, let's raise a glass of $2,500 Scotch for one hell of a year.

And so, while those bribes did destabilize the regime

And sometimes I just sit in the bathtub for hours just, you know, just sniffing it.

And sometimes,

And speaking of six packs...

And spent three weeks with Grand Funk Railroad,

And still be sleeping with anything that moves?

And still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet.

And stormed out. And sometimes, they'd pick up the phone

And suddenly she's like your best friend. You can't shut up about her.

And take Charlie to the chocolate factory? Ooh! Me, me, me, me!

And telling them the truth about how I feel.

And thanks for being so cool with me using the apartment.

And that body?

And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

And that is where my laundry bags will hang for three days and three nights

And that magazine is saying one thing and one thing only.

And that red neon sign that says "Burger."

And that was it. In that moment, I wasn't angry anymore.

And that was it. She left.

And that wouldn't be fair to you or the baby.

And that you're finally dealing with this, but you only get one shot here.

And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story.

And that, my friends, is the cheerleader effect.

And that's how the role of Tyler eventually went to

And that's not even the best part.

And that's something I will always cherish. I'll never forget you guys.

And that's the last time I wrote my name in my undergarments.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

And the human race doesn't stand a chance.

And the more I drink, the less attractive they get.

And the names of those fish?

And the next three after that. And one morning.

And the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress

And the rest is history.

And the second she reciprocates those feelings,

And the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.

And the worst thing about getting left at the altar,

And the worst thing about texting is that once you send it...

And their new neighbors weren't helping.

And then he cut in front of me!

And then his cane missed the top step,

And then I heard you got fired.

And then I stormed out. Why did I do that?

And then I watched 3.

And then I woke up.

And then I would just fool around a little bit.

And then it just kind of happened. I don't know.

And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected,

And then Karen's gonna cheat on him with some meathead, who's like,

And then Lily spoke in that weird English accent for, like, the next month?

And then my mom got better.

And then she moves into the city with Tony?

And then she said, "No, I'm just going straight home."

And then Ted would build up a head of steam

And then tell me you still want to be an old man.

And then the dude would be like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro."

And then the hospital.

And then there was that whole thing where you tried to kill me.

And then they'd be all, "You look pretty alive to me, dude."

And then we end up eating here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days.

And then we would tell him how we really felt.

And then we'll all hit the sundae bar in the kitchen.

And then you and I would never have become best friends.

And then you came along and reminded me.

And then you come along with this crap

And then you slowly wade in.

And then you sold him out because you wanted to work

And then you'll give it to him?

And then, a pickle,

And then, at the end of the meal,

And then, come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a self destruct button,

And then, halfway through Lethal Weapon 4

And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, I turned a corner...

And then, sure enough, the whole thing would start all over again.

And then, this morning before I left for work, we kissed.

And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons.

And then, when I still couldn't sleep, I watched Lethal Weapon 2.

And then, you wait.

And there are sealed letters here from all of you that say "Ted."

And there you have it. Instead of a drab, dark prison cell,

And there's macaroni glued on the frame. Guys, I love it.

And there's muffins warming in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it.

And there's really only one thing to do about it.

And there's something kind of liberating about not taking it all too seriously.

And they couldn't rebook me till Thursday, so I'm stuck here for another two days.

And they'd call me, and then we'd hook up again.

And they're all like, "That's a good point, Bear, let's try that."

And they're all right And they're all right

And they're all right And they're all right

And they're all right And they're all right

And things went back to normal. Your Aunt Lily was right.

And think about what's best for her here. Whether you like it or not,

And this circle represents

And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.

And this is a cakewalk.

And this is not how you're gonna coach this team!

And this isn't easy to say, all right?

And this isn't just some dead cat bounce.

And this kind of stuff, the emotional stuff?

And this one, I got on the drive from Milverton to Wawa.

And this was an important step towards that. To moving on.

And those fake friends of yours out there, I just wanted to shoot myself.

And three hours later, I was spewing like an open hydrant.

And three, he got way too personal way too soon.

And threw a cat in my face?

And throw in the shoes.

And Thursday.

And times to not. But I will tell you this.

And to be honest, it wasn't going very smoothly.

And told them to make you the hero.

And tonight's lotto numbers are...

And Tony!

And Tony... I can't deal with Tony right now.

And Tyler...

And until right now, I've never told anyone

And was perhaps the most expendable employee at the company.

And we believe this timeless design will radiate the strength and stability

And we both realized we've had a rough couple of months.

And we come back here and we buy that 50 year old Scotch,

And we come up here and we drink a few beers. It's awesome.

And we don't know any other way.

And we ended up doing exactly what Lily wanted us to do all along,

And we got a free bottle of champagne.

And we just... We just wanted to make you feel good.

And we spent the whole next day texting each other, too.

And we spilled massage oil all over ourselves.

And we think the "cowboy" look is very sexy.

And we toast the incredible life changing year we've all had.

And we want it to be shaped

And we'll get some drinks.

And we're going to move to some sleepy New Hampshire town

And we're still single, we...

And we're trying to be there for you as friends, but you're not letting us,

And what are you currently designing?

And what do you get when you get five in a row?

And what I had with Becca was a perfect relationship.

And what is the deal with her hair? I mean, newsflash,

And what's that restaurant you're designing shaped like, Hoss?

And when Brown Eyed Girl would come up on the jukebox,

And when he came in to tell us what it was about...

And when I think about Karen there...

And when it comes to success, the only limit is that there are no limits.

And when she left me, I was so devastated.

And when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out,

And when we do, we are never going to have last call.

And when we were finished, I could see that look on their faces,

And when you need to,

And when you're done shaking off at the urinal,

And where is your six pack?

And where they overlap,

And whether or not Stella likes it is actually important.

And while there's many things to learn from this story,

And while you're there, maybe you could sign up for a card.

And whoever's holding Feely the Share Bear

And why are these guys wearing nightgowns?

And win the begrudging respect of a street gang.

And with that, a ritual was born.

And wore a denim miniskirt.

And worst of all, you're embarrassing me!

And you are?

And you can move forward.

And you can never do anything on the Murtaugh list ever again.

And you can tell it's on the way. He's exhibiting all the telltale signs.

And you cannot bring her back into our lives.

And you didn't give him his pants.

And you don't believe in ghosts.

And you force me to pull an old classic Lily and spill the beans!

And you got all super Canadian?

And you got our wedding vows off the Internet.

And you happened upon a beautiful suit, a beautiful Canadian suit.

And you kids might never have been born.

And you kids might never have been born.

And you know what else I miss? Our lunchtime phone call.

And you little turds haven't even made a single shot yet!

And you looked so pretty in your open back homecoming dress?

And you may have to wait a little while more,

And you snap its neck with your legs, that has no business being on your reel.

And you wanna know if that happened in New Jersey? Uh uh.

And you would know that if you ever left your little love snob country club.

And you, you of all people know exactly how that feels.

And you'd better bring your A game for Mr. Li.

And you're also responsible for any damage Robin did

And you're going to make some other restaurant very happy someday,

And you're late every day!

And you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do then?

And you're still butchering my words.

And you're still the stupidest person at this table.

And you've kept it a secret since then? Good for you.

And your friend just told you about a new position sex.

And your timing is perfect.

And your wardrobe, it's like, what, are you allergic to quality fabrics?

And, also, it was really fun.

And, as a result, my life would never be the same.

And, as of June 1, I'm the deputy mayor.

And, excuse me.

And, let's be honest, a little pity. It's shock and...

And, like many of the ladies in that magazine,

And, Lily, maybe you're right. Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff.

And, look, we got what we wanted. I'm getting married.

And, to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning.

And, two, this is our last conference call, Mr. Stinson.

And, usually, they're right.

And, well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment.

And, well, there was some other stuff.

And, well, you know the rest.

And, well, you tell me.

And, yeah, maybe there are some girls

ANNOUNCER: For the first time, Ted and Stella Mosby.

Another Dr. X happening.

Antique Judaica.

Any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze.

Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not.

Any time he's wearing clothes at all, it's a victory.

Anyone from the band Rush,

Anything innovative I put in my designs, Bilson just hacks out with a machete.

Anything you want to lie about before I head off to work to get fired?

Anytime we start getting into an argument,

Anyway, after that, my relationship with my dad pretty much went north.

Anyway, here's his obituary.

Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of exciting stories to cover back in Canada.

Anyway, that's all in the past now.

Anyway, the big night is Thursday.

Anyway, the last time I visited, I kind of screwed things up.

Anyway, three things you need to know about Doug.

Anyway, we moved on.

Anyway, you guys just proved my point, okay?

Anyways, I go to my duffle bag to get out my work clothes...

Anyways, we never found the place.

April just finished her shift, and she's looking to blow off some steam.

Are still causing friction between you and Robin, I thought I'd help out.

Are the characters in Star Wars, and that's 'cause they lived them, Ted!

Are the tickets under your name or mine?

Are those tears?

Are upset that their friends are sleeping with each other, but not me.

Are we clear?

Are we gonna get our spray paint back?

Are you all right?

Are you ever going to tell her how you feel?

Are you in love with Robin?

Are you kidding me? Robin's a pretty girl. Pretty girls don't get tickets.

Are you kidding? By 30, I was going to be annoyingly successful,

Are you kidding? That was a great joke.

Are you kidding? They just laid off another architect at my firm.

Are you kidding? This was ninth grade. I only had one choice.

Are you like me, folks?

Are you ready to put your own dreams on the back burner?

Are you shaking your head no?

Are you still their dad?

Are you Ted Mosby?

Are you telling me that I can't go to the bathroom in my apartment?

Are you wearing makeup?

Aren't so impressive.

Around and cast a kid to play my son Tyler.

Around my Thanksgiving belly.

Around the time I turned 30.

Arthritis five.

As a human being can possibly be.

As a matter of fact, I'd say on a scale ranging from...

As a matter of fact, I've made a chart of your reaction to my charts.

As hard as it would be, I would go up to Gasser... Michael

As I was just trying to get out of Ted's way.

As in "sex with." I request the highest of fives.

As it turns out, I'm grateful.

As long as it's just you and the band.

As long as you have fun.

As soon as your girls show up, you turn off the lights and you lock up.

As you know, back then, your Aunt Robin hosted a morning show.

As you know, my father had to leave my mom

As your HR rep, I gotta review the new overtime scheduling policy with you.

Asian with some boob.

Asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act.

Aspen Yards Ale! Get it?

Assault! They're suing us for assault!

At Goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment.

At least her husband works from home.

At least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed.

At least someone's still excited about acting.

At least we're not keeping score, right? No idea what the score is.

At night, we watch TV in her bed. We call it Cuddle Club.

At our intervention intervention.

At the corporate retreat, I am making those calls.

At the old apartment over the years.

At the time, I thought the story was about whether Robin should be at the wedding.

At the Women's Pumping Iron Classic in Sarasota this fall.

At this bar, I'm always gonna be the guy who got left at the altar.

At tomorrow's game, if you are anything less

At what age did you first get your period?

At which point we tied Uncle Barney to the mechanical bull,

Athletics and personal relationships and have been an inspiration to many people.

Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck!

Au revoir.

Aunt Robin and I had just become roommates.

Aw, you guys are the best.

Aw!

Aw!

Aw!

Aw! You call your mom every day?

Aw.

Aw.

Awesome, awesome, awesome awesome, awesome, awesome

Awesome, awesome, awesome awesome, awesome, awesome

Awesome, we're still talking about this!

Awesome!

Awesome! Awesome!

Awesome.

Awesome. Awesome! I'll be Fantasy Guy!

Awesome. But, God,

Awesome. But, God,

Awfsome. Nice work, Ted. Tap that.

Awkward silence. Tap it.

Babies are scary, okay? They have giant eyes.

Babies can smell money. Everyone knows that!

Baby me. I am ready. Hey, look.

Back off, Barney. You have no idea how hard it is

Back to you, Norm.

Back when Marshall first started working at Goliath National Bank...

Bad news. I couldn't reach her. Robin's already on her way.

Bailed your Uncle Barney out of jail and drove all the way home.

Barney did do something kind of odd at the office yesterday.

Barney goes on and on about you every day when we talk.

Barney here hits on roughly 20 girls a week.

Barney is crazy if he thinks this is gonna work.

Barney planned on being a violinist.

Barney Stinson, are you no longer committed to the war on marriage?

Barney Stinson. Hi. Okay. Got it.

Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident.

Barney, 200's too many.

Barney, check it,

Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.

Barney, I don't get it. You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips.

Barney, I don't get it. You've called a million girls a million times.

Barney, I hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame.

Barney, I love you, perfect family or no perfect family.

Barney, I'm serious. We promised we wouldn't mess the place up.

Barney, just say it.

Barney, Marshall didn't quit his last soul sucking corporate job

Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny.

Barney, Not a Father's Day is lame. It's a holiday for losers.

Barney, that rule is completely played out. Girls know exactly what you're doing.

Barney, that's amazing!

Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?

Barney, these costumes are ridiculous.

Barney, they're hot.

Barney, this guy slept with Robin, who you claim to be in love with.

Barney, this is an intervention.

Barney, this is not your private therapist's office.

Barney, this was never a bet. Nobody...

Barney, we are too old to cover a place in toilet paper

Barney, what you just described

Barney, when my family gets to Yankee Stadium,

Barney, when you told me that peanut butter and jam joke,

Barney, when you were three, I left you with a babysitter

Barney, who are all these people?

Barney, you are not 18 anymore.

Barney, you don't catch feelings, you just have them. And they're good.

Barney, you have to learn how to express these feelings.

Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around

Barney, you're the only thing that's keeping me going here.

BARNEY: (AS INTERVIEWER) Barney Stinson,

BARNEY: (AS INTERVIEWER) To the impossible?

BARNEY: And then we go up to the roof of the building and drink beer.

BARNEY: And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature.

BARNEY: Around 9:00 p.m., you say...

BARNEY: But the later it gets, the fewer words you need.

BARNEY: Go, go!

BARNEY: Hmm.

BARNEY: Looking good, Pauline.

BARNEY: Not cool. Not cool. LILY: Don't do it. Don't do it. No!

BARNEY: There you go.

Barney!