How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Edit

A And I need your help. Barney won't return my calls.

A bill and a pepper shaker here on the table.

A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a Web site called...

A diaper poking out of a Dolce & Gabbana suit?

A few?

A kid needs a hoop.

A little deer appeared on the path.

A person all the way across the other end of the room...

A piece of New York history is being torn down...

A pregnant woman who's become a manatee...

A real man chooses his own name.

A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster.

A real New Yorker.

A regimen change can fix the problem.

A strip club!

A taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint.

A yuletide riddle.

A.k.a. the big leagues.

Aah!

About a voice crack that pubescently girl like.

About giving a stranger my Social Security number...

About Robin becoming a mermaid again.

About the idea of having a daughter.

About, um, something.

Actually, I do have a standing invitation from the Captain...

Actually, I don't. I like you two together.

Actually, I met him in the park.

Actually, I think I'm gonna say no.

Actually, I'm thinking about getting a dog again.

Actually, it was a good day.

Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together.

Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies... or a B side.

Actually, Sandy, I have something...

Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here.

Actually, you're way better now.

Admit it! Well, go ahead, Lily!

Adoption.

Affirmatootly.

After all, he told me, uh...

After all, it had been a crazy couple days.

After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD.

After his parents had gone back to Minnesota...

After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase.

Ah, B.F.F.'s.

Ah, no one even noticed that.

Ah, this scotch is good. How's your drink?

Ah, valentines... the second base of third grade.

Ah!

Aha! It's someone we know.

Aha! When a second uterus plumped becomes...

Ahh! That's the stuff.

Ahoy, Ted. Excellent to see you.

Ahoy.

Alarmed about.

All I got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee.

All I need is a great folk song.

All my least favorite students have been boys...

All of my childhood memories gone... [Snaps Fingers] just like that.

All right, let's go. It's bedtime.

All right, your practice flip came up tails...

All right!

All right! I'll tell you.

All right.

All right. Fine. Guess it'll just be me and Zoey.

All right. Yes.

All that stuff was really nice.

All that stuff.

All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is... it's all true.

All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?

All the way across the room.

All those "famous last words" people supposedly said...

All three times.

All you ever talk about is having kids!

All you have to do is say "I care about making dreams come true."

All yours, buddy.

Along with 50 other clowns. [Laughing]

Already? Oh, honey.

Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host?

Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore...

Also, my mom hates you.

Although I did notice a few irregularities, there's nothing to be...

Although I like you two together. Mmm.

Although it seems like you might have a slight arrhythmia.

Am I blushing, or...

Am I not as good at making the sweet, sweet love to you?

Am I right?

Am I supposed to not talk about that?

Am I wrong, or is that exactly what Barney says...

Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul.

An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem.

Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that to sire a son...

And a tree for the kids to climb.

And add some perspective.

And all because...

And already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show.

And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support...

And as if that wasn't bad enough...

And as we all remember...

And as we hiked...

And at that point, your mother made it very clear she was gonna raise you on her own.

And Barney.

And Barney's no help. He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up.

And become an environmental lawyer?

And by solo, I mean...

And C: How could you bring up Chucky right before bed?

And choke on them!

And cold weather sports.

And covered in a thick layer of blubber.

And Daniel san's all, like, "Ahh ahh ahh."

And do everything on that list tonight!

And don't you think the architect of the Death Star...

And down it goes.

And eat it.

And even though it didn't happen right away...

And eventually everyone went home...

And everywhere...

And examining girl parts all day?

And eye contact that sex just doesn't.

And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary.

And for that other thing.

And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums.

And from that moment on, Marshall never worried...

And get a travel size rotating Vietnamese shame wheel.

And getting thoroughly checked out.

And give her a cup of tea.

And give him cough medicine until he passed out.

And he accidentally left his phone in my apartment in the garbage.

And he lives just down the road.

And he said...

And he still hasn't called me.

And he was my best friend.

And he was my teacher.

And he'll never get to meet our kids, Lily.

And he's great with my son.

And he's still out there livin' the dream.

And he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop.

And heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees.

And here's why.

And here's your phone number back.

And his name...

And his very drunk mind started to see...

And home run king "Frank" Aaron.

And how did that go again?

And how is my delicious little grandson?

And how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives.

And I am not gonna try putting it in the TV... again.

And I can't believe it's my first day...

And I don't mean that stripper you keep e mailing us about...

And I don't wanna be sad Aunt Robin...

And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name.

And I feel absolutely useless.

And I figured fear was worth a try.

And I gave him my number and I told him to call me...

And I have multiple sex partners.

And I haven't talked to her in, like, five years, so just drop it.

And I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't.

And I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so...

And I like it that way.

And I love doing that for you.

And I love the office Halloween party.

And I love your...

And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy.

And I really needed it.

And I said, "don't worry, baby. I'll do it for you."

And I smell incredible!

And I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids?

And I still smell incredible.

And I think you two would really hit it off."

And I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me.

And I thought, God, you know what sucks? Being bored.

And I want to assure you, you'll never be fired again.

And I want to go to sleep every night with the same person by my side...

And I want to live in a little house with a garden...

And I was so desperate to connect with him.

And I wasn't sure.

And I will not be a part of that.

And I wouldn't have to worry about you turning up in some nosy fisherman's net.

And I... I just... [Sighs] have no idea where to begin.

And I... I want you to be honest with me.

And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe.

And I'll be home trying to get over the fact...

And I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks...

And I'm freaking out tool

And I'm getting more muscular even though I've stopped working out.

And I'm gonna be really excited for when it happens...

And I'm gonna go drop a deuce.

And I'm gonna love the crap outta whatever baby we have.

And I'm like, "Get outta here!" So annoying.

And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman.

And I'm okay with that.

And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty.

And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff.

And I'm still single.

And I'm still single. At least I got that goin'for me.

And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe.

And I've got this amazing poker group.

And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all.

And if that's gonna scare you off, then I'd rather it scare you off now.

And if you don't make me look good in front of Nora...

And if you guys want kids, there are other ways.

And important people in New York...

And it always made him feel incomplete.

And it felt surprisingly good.

And it gets in the way of someone doing their job, that's a problem.

And it just ends for no reason.

And it made me a little crazy for a minute. [Chuckles]

And it started to mess with Lily's head.

And it was...

And it wasn't always easy.

And it's gonna come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes.

And it's making me less happy about this bonus.

And Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes...

And just let them balance each other out?

And just when I'm about to give her the same thing... what up...

And last but not least...

And lecture you about how your little protest...

And left an... indelicate voice mail.

And Lily and Marshall were the first to visit the happy new parents.

And Lily's with Big Fudge.

And look at what we're doing.

And make me a grandsonl

And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him.

And maybe realize something.

And mommy...

And my old nemesis.

And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast.

And needs to be spanked on his tushy tush.

And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home...

And not a single passenger would listen to me.

And not given a damn what anyone thinks.

And not long after that...

And not tell anyone about it.

And nothing will make it go away!

And now everyone calls me Scherpoopie.

And now he's just gone.

And now I haven't even talked to her in five years.

And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.

And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.

And now you have one little freak out and you wanna get a dog instead?

And now you just show up out of nowhere?

And of course ZZ Top.

And one fiction.

And one whom I'm assuming is really funny.

And only the most gifted chama lee on...

And pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself, and then...

And race into that abandoned J.C. Penney, guns a blazin'.

And really learn how to ski. Not just go up and get faced in the lodge.

And really rich, but lacks bladder control."

And replaced by a new building that I had been hired to design.

And right now, everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat.

And saying it makes me feel like a hooker.

And see Coney Island. I've still never been.

And see something obscene.

And seriously, mouthwash after coffee.

And she asked me if I lost height.

And she is indeed hot...

And she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra.

And she's married, so it needs to stop.

And slipped and fell in horse poop.

And so did I.

And so did Lily.

And so did Robin.

And so does Tugboat here.

And so having a celebrity dad made me feel special.

And so Marshall told his parents everything.

And so now I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild.

And so, despite the endless disappointment you've caused me...

And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever...

And so, Jordan, for one million dollars...

And spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox.

And stuffing his belly full of milk and lutefisk that they left him?

And tells everyone how you dookied your pants.

And that Asian slut on your Facebook page... she's dead too.

And that basketball hoop?

And that explains 12:51 a.m.

And that explains 12:51 a.m.

And that explains your 14 second cardiac arrest.

And that is what makes you the most amazing...

And that was it. No more Zoey.

And that's okay.

And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon. You'll meet everyone there.

And the best part is he got his shots.

And the fertilizer is seeping into the groundwater, causing it...

And the longer he stayed there, the more it was like he had never left Minnesota.

And the most important rule of all...

And the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago.

And the second reason we popped in is 'cause I need to use the loo.

And the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon...

And the thing where he establishes intimacy...

And the top is so low cut...

And the two of them were closer than ever.

And their tour manager loses his arms bus surfing through a tunnel.

And then he kissed me.

And then he watched James meet his real father.

And then just hand stuff in the morning.

And then Marshall went again, just to be sure.

And then maybe catch a Bears game.

And then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me:

And then she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser.

And then there's the most popular parental lie in history... Santa.

And then they see it, and it blows their freakin' mind.

And then turn around and treat someone like that?

And then you start thinking about yourself.

And then, hey! Congratulate me.

And then... The fat kid just...

And then... Well, see, my dad grew up in a small town...

And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty.

And these people don't forget.

And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night.

And this may seem strange, but you can't ask me why.

And this was my grandmother's watch.

And though she never quite shook the nickname...

And three Nobel Prizes...

And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles.

And to show you that I'm serious...

And told him what I wanted for Christmas.

And until you finish it, it will always be...

And wake up next to him in the morning, every morning, for the rest of our lives.

And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character...

And we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq.

And we headed back to Staten Island...

And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly.

And we need ice cream.

And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun...

And what am I left with?

And what are we left with?

And what are you doing here?

And what are you doing with those lemons?

And Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic.

And when Robin won, I could've sworn I saw him smile.

And who watered the philodendron on your bookcase and sang it back to life?

And yet somehow despite this, we all became friends...

And you are gonna design...

And you can use that fear...

And you can't ask me why.

And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you?

And you earned it, buddy.

And you found it. So, uh, just the one.

And you handle your, well...

And you know I will do stuff they would never do.

And you know what?

And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you.

And you know what? Now I truly am over him.

And you need to be okay with the fact...

And you play for the Yankees.

And you ripped him off this earth way too young.

And you stepped in as the big strong man.

And you were right. He's a nice guy.

And you wrote "Your son" on the back.

And you.

And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude.

And you're too chicken to come out and say it.

And your breath smells like a mermaid fart.

And Zoey was happy about it, which tells us what?

And Zoey's in love with Ted.

And, Glitter, be cool.

And, like, 50 great ones.

And, no, none of them had heard the Pixies' B side.

And, thanks to Goliath National Bank, us.

And, uh, "do the laundry"?

And, uh, I think you may have known my mother, Loretta Stinson...

And, um, would you happen to know what that young man's name was?

And, what kind of name is Zoey? Huh?

And, with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning...

And, yes, she's a little plain.

And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing.

And?

And...

And... did it work?

And... intervene.

Anyhoo, next day, I'm goin' in to work.

Anyhoo, while I got ya, big smile.

Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an "F."

Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman...

Anytime.

Anyway, I get Honey back to her place.

Anyway, I need you guys...

Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me.

Anyway, point is...

Anyway, pumpkin, I need $15,000.

Anyway, the next night...

Anyway, what's your thing?

Anyway...

Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up...

Apparently there was a mix up with the mail.

Are dorks.

Are the last words that my father will ever say to me, and...

Are these firecrackers?

Are we done?

Are you asking what I think you're asking?

Are you calling me fat?

Are you comin' with me or not?

Are you coming?

Are you for real, Barney?

Are you serious? That is awesome!

Are you sure it's love?

Are you sure it's not more than that?

Are you sure you did it right?

Are you sure?

Are, in fact, a big deal?

Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake.

As if that's gonna make me be, like, "Oh, God, I never should have said no."

As in my end of the year bonus check.

As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet...

As long as I can remember, making beer has been my dream.

As long as we don't mind stepping over the cord.

As the office President's Day rave.

As the postmaster general, Mom...

Ashamed!

At least I got the sound of his pocket to console me.

At the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me?

At the risk of bragging, my hazelnut pilsner won fourth prize...

At the Weehawken Retirement Home Clambake...

Aw, a panda.

Aw, and you want me to go with you 'cause you're a little scared?

Aw, man, this is the Filbert contract.

Aw, Marshall.

Aw, yeah!

Aw. That damn recorder.

Aw. That's actually really sweet.

Awesome. Let me just put a sock on the doorknob.

B B Boats!

B: He was possessed by an adult serial killer.

Baby girl fertilizerl

Baby, are you okay?

Baby, are you okay?

Baby, it's Santa.

Baby, names and gender... It's just like...

Baby, you just lost your dad. None of us wants to upset you.

Baby, you just saw Barney.

Baby, you're packin' snowballs...

Back in '83, I'm luggin' amps for the Stones through West Germany...

Back in school, we met during a production of Guys and Dolls.

Back to the pizza place!

Back when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that?

Barney says he tripped...

Barney Stinson always gets the "yes."

Barney Stinson always...

Barney wants me to take the job so bad, he's putting the moves on me?

Barney wasn't interested in my apology. He just wanted me to be cool.

Barney wasn't lying.

Barney, I can't believe your giant TV is broken. It's March Madness.

Barney, I gotta tell you something.

Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19!

Barney, I need to talk to you.

Barney, I work for GNB too.

Barney, I...

Barney, I'm a minister.

Barney, this is important. We need you around for a long time.

Barney, uh, maybe that's enough.

Barney, we just don't want to see you get hurt.

Barney, we... we know you're psyched, but just be careful.

Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person?

Barney, you can't blackmail us into lying to Nora.

Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie.

Barney, you've gotta stop livin' in these fairy tales that Mom told us.

Barney?

Barney. Barney!

Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted.

Barney's favorite things.

Be careful, Lily. I made those promises too.

Be cool, nerds.

Because as this story has been told and retold...

Because behind that hatred lies fear.

Because GNB doesn't care.

Because I had a baby.

Because I was always trying so hard to be both parents for you.

Because I'm racking my brain here, and I thought...

Because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me.

Because I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts!

Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man.

Because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be...

Because it's delicious. That's why!

Because no matter who he is, he will freak out.

Because of her stupid commercial...

Because once I get pregnant, no more massages.

Because she was trying to save an old building from being torn down...

Because starting Monday, I got you in my crosshairs.

Because to come in here and say what you just said...

Because tonight...

Because we don't want to torture Robin's boyfriend.

Because when I look up at the Arcadian...

Because while this was happening...

Because you don't have what it takes.

Because you weren't.

Because you're Ted Mosby...

Because, as it happens, my parents are in town.

Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin.

Because... Barney don't go to no strip clubs.

Becky, we're... we're journalists.

Becky. My new co anchor.

Been fun bro in' out with you tonight, T Dawg.

Before he became the biggest pervert in the world?

Before I finally gave him the thing he always got.

Before I flip you like a cheese omelet.

Before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Before me fell for.

Before that too.

Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on...

Before you Trebek yourself.

Behind Nora.

Behind the K.F. C...

Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man.

Better take that.

Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "chama lee on," so...

Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning...

Between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid.

Between you and me, I had a lot of acid last night.

Between you and me, I had a lot of acid last night.

Big mistake. But go on.

Big time lawyer at a huge corporation.

Big time manatee.

Big time.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote.

Blah, blah, blah. I don't wear suits.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm an architect.

Blah, blah. Something about a bridge.

Blahbity blahbity blue... I knocked down the whale.

Blaming stuff on the government.

Boats! Boats! Boats!

Boats! Boats! Boats!

Boats! Boats! Boatsl

Bob Barker is not your father.

Bon Jovi?

Boo freakin' hoo.

Boo!

Boo!

Both in and out of prison, we're sorry.

Both of you, hang up!

Boy, if people found out Sandy wears a toupee...

Boys. Great to see you.

Bring it in.

Bring it in.

Bring it on, princess.

Bro, I told you...

Bro, that is awesome. Motility five.

Busted!

Busy as ever.

But a five year contract.

But after the initial shock, I realized something.

But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxed up remnants of his happy childhood...

But as per "uszh," he bored the pants very much on her.

But at some point, my stupid male brain will transform you...

But B.F.F.'s are forever.

But Bob Barker is absolutely, unequivocally not your father!

But designing a building in New York City...

But did he tell you the whole story?

But Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown.

But first you need to head down to Security.

But first, I had to do something for me.

But first, let's back up a few days.

But first, Ms. Aldrin, do you have any questions for me?

But good luck. I keep my phone tight.

But happy Halloween, ya crazies!

But he's clean, open to criticism and not into anything too weird.

But I always wanted to meet you.

But I broke my own moral code once, and I felt evil.

But I could, uh, check the files.

But I didn't mean bring home the first guy you bump into on the street.

But I doubt there's any scientific data to support...

But I feel bad about leaving you out here.

But I guess I got time for one.

But I have a simple method for shuttin' down troublemakers.

But I just can't tonight.

But I just never have the courage to act...

But I know she really likes you.

But I like him.

But I need to have sex with a girl at least three times...

But I think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it.

But I thought "F" had a nice scary ring to it, right?

But I thought you talked to your dad about everything.

But I was also designing the new headquarters...

But I was being selfish.

But I'd rather you take your time.

But I'm about to become a mother.

But I'm leaving you in the capable hands...

But I'm married, so that's good.

But I'm not talking about a dog. I'm talking about a man.

But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons.

But I've been going through all of his contacts...

But if either of you makes even one peep about this show being dirty, I'm turning it off.

But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is.

But in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent.

But in truth I'm a really light skinned African American.

But instead of chocolate chips I used Gummi bears.

But it sounds like he hasn't changed where it counts.

But it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose.

But it's 10:30 in the morning.

But it's always there.

But it's good to know how easily you can be manipulated by a woman.

But it's not gonna work on us.

But it's pretty gruesome.

But it's your father.

But let's be honest. You've been supersensitive lately.

But like super buff, like in Cape Fear.

But mostly the "killing and eating your face" thing.

But not like Rex tried to in my sleep last night.

But nothing. So then I started to test you guys.

But on a more serious note...

But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50 50.

But right now I have a quiet, simple, happy little life.

But right now I have to get excited about something else.

But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart could bear.

But seriously...

But she ain't gonna stay that way.

But that is not the point.

But that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways.

But that won't happen on your watch. You know why?

But that's another story.

But that's how Robin became, by just about any definition of the term...

But that's impossible. You deleted his number.

But that's not usually how it goes.

But that's only because I fell for the same...

But that's what I want.

But the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall...

But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that goin'.

But the Death Star's gonna get built either way.

But the guy's a Nigerian prince.

But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild?

But the top half of his face...

But their argument didn't happen at the same time as all this other stuff.

But then end up kissing in a tender embrace?

But then months went by, and still nothing happened.

But then, the next morning...

But they only offered me a boring, low paid, off camera research job.

But they wouldn't admit her without a name.

But this is you. This is me.

But this isn't a race.

But this just isn't working out.

But this reporter takes pride in... Whoal

But those twins...

But to summarize...

But today, whatever she needs, I'm there.

But unless I see Barney at the same time...

But we got this voice mail.

But we have a mortgage and we're tryin' to have kids.

But what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes...

But when I get back, I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here.

But when she throws a temper tantrum...

But which one of us is gonna take the hit?

But will you still be okay if I make a lot of money...

But yesterday I met the sweetest man...

But you can and should call me the Captain.

But you can't let fear steal your funk.

But you don't have to worry about that anymore.

But you kids have fun trick or treating.

But you're right, James.

But you're tough, and I love you like crazy.

But your baby... I'm gonna love that kid so much.

But your dad is alive...

But, baby, I'm really scared that we're not pregnant yet.

But, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash.

But, finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should...

But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay?

But, in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed.

But, secretly, I want to have kids.

But, secretly, I want to have kids.

But, uh, this was great. Glad we did this.

But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted.

But, um, the other day Arthur offered me a five year contract.

But, you know, sometimes you just gotta wing it, right?

But... bright side... I thought of a great new board game...

But... But she's married.

By a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can."

By now, the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing.

By the way, hell of a tie. Is that Italian silk?

By the way, I think I only wounded the spider.

Bye, Pop.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Call me old fashioned...

Calls me a fat cat... me and my "fat cat friends."

Came from a Canadian TVshow which we'd never seen...

Can become a mermaid again through one simple act.

Can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim?

Can I get you a beer?

Can I get you two some drinks?

Can I help you?

Can I steal you for second?

Can somebody please explain to me why the "little girl" act works on men?

Can we go camping?

Can we leave him in here for a while?

Can you at least tell me why?

Can you back up a bit?

Can you belie...

Can you believe her?

Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book...

Can you hear me now?

Can you help me with this?

Can you imagine being one of those girls' dads?

Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this?

Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts...

Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child?

Can you keep an eye on him until I get back?

Can you pick up some calzones?

Can't blame her on that one.

Can't do it.

Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now.

Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now.

Can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy.

Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?

Captain, quick question.

Captain, what do you think of ice cream?

Captain.

Careful!

Carrots and peas. [Laughing] Carrots and peas!

Causing said giant whale to fall in a downward trajectory."

Challenge accept...

Challenge accepted.

Challenge completed!

Challenge forfeited. [Sobs]

Charity?

Check it. I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks...

Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself.

Cheerful.

Chubsters, over 30s.

Cigarettes, alcohol.

Class dismissed. No homework for a while.

Claws, paws, talons.

Clearly he wants nothing to do with me.

Coach cut him from the team, and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better.

Coaster.

Coat.

Cold weather...

Come on downl

Come on, Marshall. You have to admit, the guy was a disaster.

Come on, Playboy Channel.

Come on, Spice Channel.

Come on, Ted. It's obvious.

Come on, Ted. This is your dream.

Come on, you know this. Come on.

Come on.

Come on. GNB didn't really hire a new architect.

Come on. I don't have any gaps that fundamental.

Come on. I worry about the guy.

Come on. Let's get you sorted out.

Come on. You always took charge of everything.

Condoms!

Congratulations.

Connecting yourself to a car battery.

Considering he was probably only using one hand.

Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight?

Could someone pass the ketchup?

Could you get some more Bugles please?

Could've designed classic beaux arts masterpieces...

Count, motility...

Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox!

Cream cheese is a mild flav flavor, so it...

Creepy pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women...