Family Guy (1999) - Season 16 Edit

A $10,000 bounty has been offered for his return.

A 26 year age difference between the two of you.

A a coat of armor to get me through the day,

A a great bear,

A And I'm sorry again I dumped you for Stryker.

A And they knew you were alive the whole time?

A And what's that say on your shirt?

A Artisanal...

A confirmed plane ticket to Boca Raton.

A conflict!

A counterclockwise trip around the Monopoly board.

A dateless bargain to engrossing death!"

A digital compact disc.

A family trip.

A few visionary Hollywood directors to create his...

A girl "has a red scare in her Harry Truman"?

A girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.

A grown man poo right through the split in his pants.

A guy who makes you feel like you ate a pot brownie

A hike? It's no problem.

A Joe Dirt DVD, Scarlett Johansson

A lady has to have a few secrets.

A lawn chair that was 80% off because it's winter.

A little tight in a the couch?

A little, perhaps.

A little.

A loaf of bread, a container of milk

A loaf of milk, a container of bread

A lot of people like my stuff.

A lot of sour faced, arms folded head shaking.

A millennial can be defined

A Million Ways to Die in the West, no, thank you.

A pariah to all of Quahog,

A passive aggressive domestic dispute.

A piece of beef jerky was planted in the ground

A place.

A place.

A plain burger.

A possible cure.

A professor is fired for having sex with one of his students.

A professor is fired for having sex with one of his students.

A purple Vespa to, um...

A quiet place to come up with a plan.

A real bull?

A restaurant full of people so distracted by their phones,

A scenario in my head.

A shark bit Quagmire's penis off.

A show with just one character

A simple hydraulic grapple winch.

A sleighing song tonight.

A soaring bird. Rain on a metal roof.

A speedboat erupted from the soil,

A steam driven mechanical exoskeleton.

A stillborn child the size of a digestive biscuit.

A television?

A through the nose dog exhale.

A used condom

A Very Slow Christmas with Peabo Bryson.

A week from Thursday, but I may be moving that up.

A Yeti cooler?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Lucky shot.

Aah! My leg is broken!

About domestic violence?

About her one day.

About how cool 'Nam is?

About my awesome $2,000 suit... my friend's dead!"

About my throbbing headache,

About Paul Walker being D E A D.

About some of the finest principals

About that money I invested for you.

About this Principal Shepherd thing?

About to see the new Kevin Hart movie.

About what happened, and...

About your ass the whole way. Go ahead.

Absolutely everything.

Absolutely had it.

Absolutely I do... I I was just seeing if you do.

Absolutely.

According to my GPS, you're 20 feet

According to our sources,

According to the calculations on my Microsoft Surface,

Actually, brah, asking me what a trigger warning is

Actually, I've decided to keep the couch on me.

Actually, it's whomever.

Actually, Peter, from what I've seen,

Adios good bye, amigo friends.

Affirmative. And, Joe, I order you to just let the binoculars

After all the crap white people have given you your whole life?

After all, you were willing to jump off a cliff for Stryker.

After my surgery, I kept it in my freezer.

After that, take my cousins to the airport

After these turn of the century messages.

Again, made with raisins, which are g****s

Again! Again!

Ah, a dollar.

Ah, a parchment of value!

Ah, come on, it's just an eye opener.

Ah, crap, we're gonna die.

Ah, crap!

Ah, craps.

Ah, cripes.

Ah, dag!

Ah, damn it, he thinks we're The Simpsons.

Ah, forget it.

Ah, Georgie.

Ah, ha, ha

Ah, he screwed it up.

Ah, heck!

Ah, hell, we're gonna be on the Internet.

Ah, here it is. "Griffin coma Peter."

Ah, how accomplished and affluent

Ah, I did it to myself.

Ah, I didn't know we were blowing it up.

Ah, I didn't see the movie.

Ah, I didn't tell it right.

Ah, I guess they stopped serving dinner at 9:30.

Ah, I Rathboned somebody's Cumberbatch.

Ah, I see the confusion. This must happen all the time.

Ah, I was born ready, too.

Ah, I'm flattered, but my home is here.

Ah, I'm glad you came back, buddy.

Ah, I'm thinking of a different song.

Ah, it was fun.

Ah, look at that... Huffington Post just picked it up.

Ah, look at that... We found another one!

Ah, man, you know, what even is a cove?

Ah, my son was in the backseat.

Ah, nickels!

Ah, oh, you you mean something Joe can't do?

Ah, Pieoter, habinsky Vermhoeven.

Ah, rats.

Ah, really?

Ah, script. Now you're talking my language.

Ah, so close.

Ah, that was a good day's work.

Ah, that... that does... that does make me feel better.

Ah, that's just a silly title they gave me

Ah, that's just a silly title they gave me

Ah, the Aiwa Double Tape Deck.

Ah, the ladies' room at Wimbledon.

Ah, the sun feels good on my drunk chest.

Ah, the world's changed since I've been in there.

Ah, this was hilarious.

Ah, well, hindsight.

Ah, well, some dildo wrote his phone number on it,

Ah, what's wrong, Pete?

Ah, yes, we're waiting for you.

Ah, you caught me, Mr. Holmes.

Ah, you're right. That didn't make much sense.

Ah, you're right. This sucks.

Ah!

Ah! I'm melting!

Ah! Son of a bitch!

Ah. Oh.

Ah. You there, mailman

Ah..

Ah...

Ah...

Ah...

Ah...

Aha, ha!

Aha!

Aha!

Aha! Stewie?

Ahoy. It's me.

Alcoholism runs in our family.

All all right, okay.

All his victims were prostitutes

All I did was create things, but since then,

All I have left is you guys.

All I would've done is be a perfect gentleman.

All kids report to the blue van in the park at 3:00 p.m.

All loaded up with Christmas spirit

All of Canada and Grenada,

All of it.

All right, "Two Princes."

All right, all right, I think, I think I'm getting it.

All right, all right, I'll delete the tweet.

All right, all right, just just calm down, okay?

All right, all right. Well, that's that's fair.

All right, Bill Murray's driving a cab.

All right, Brian, I negotiated to get Mort

All right, Brian. Now, if we're going to get you

All right, but it stays between us.

All right, can you name every SNL actor alphabetically?

All right, Captain America, we have to get ready

All right, Chris, if we're going to find that misprint dollar,

All right, everybody, freeze! This is the U.S. Coast Guard.

All right, everybody, I'm off to Colombia...

All right, everyone, grab your hot ciders

All right, everyone.

All right, fine.

All right, give me all your money!

All right, got some vodka and tampons.

All right, guys, I got to come up with some social media ideas

All right, he's gone.

All right, here comes the fight.

All right, here it goes.

All right, here's what we do!

All right, how about the Coast Guard?

All right, I got to get over to my mom's wake.

All right, it's you.

All right, just switch us all back.

All right, kids, we're gonna use these scissors

All right, ladies, time to mingle.

All right, let me say good bye to Mommy.

All right, let me squinch my face up

All right, let's get [BLEEP] high.

All right, let's get out of here before we're all arrested

All right, let's get to work. Grab your binoculars.

All right, let's get upstairs and fix..

All right, let's have an inconsistently smashed

All right, let's start this again.

All right, let's switch back.

All right, let's... Let's just hang on and figure this out.

All right, Lois, I'm off to the mall.

All right, now you got to reverse the voltage orientation

All right, now, a lot of these scenes are gonna be

All right, now, I see you've got large breasts.

All right, okay, yeah, I'm I'm getting ahead of these.

All right, one, two, three.

All right, open app.

All right, radio, time for you to tell me what this all means.

All right, Six Second Talk Show

All right, so I'll run in first and use an intimidating shout.

All right, Stewie, time to go.

All right, Stewie, what's the first rule of Fight Club?

All right, Stripes.

All right, t then just squeak out the whistle part.

All right, thank you.

All right, the museum is that way,

All right, then.

All right, this is where we can buy those pills

All right, time for Fast and the Furious

All right, trying to be the Internet is impossible.

All right, we are buying none of these.

All right, we got to let all the other boats know.

All right, we'll take it. It's better than nothing.

All right, we'll tell you.

All right, well, I hope you make a go of it.

All right, well, if you're ever free,

All right, when he comes back,

All right, who's up for waterskiing?!

All right, yeah.

All right, you ready to watch Rocky IV?

All right, you ready?

All right, you talked me into it.

All right, you will be there in six minutes.

All right, you're not getting it.

All right.

All right. Now, I'm not sure if I'm saying this right,

All right. Okay. I I got it. I know what we're gonna...

All right. Report to the induction center tomorrow.

All right. So, what's the plot?

All right. Where's that?

All tens and ones.

All the information that could put you away forever.

All the porn girls I follow on Instagram have Santa hats on.

All the prostitutes were killed by a left handed assailant.

All the way down

All these questions?

Almost, Meg.

Almost.

Along with germ, it is an integral part of whole grains.

Along with germ, it is an integral part of whole grains.

Also the makers of Kinder Coffee,

Also, American football.

Also, I know this is a big inconvenience,

Also, my band is playing tonight at an inconvenient time.

Also, the lack of diversity here is horrifying, brah.

Although I did hear Ryan Reynolds visited him.

Although I was incensed by this man,

Although, I guess you are everywhere, and in all places.

Am am I... is it..

Am I in a Leftovers?

Am I..

Amazing

An energy source powerful enough to match the electrical surge

An inconsistent lead on us

And a baby.

And a Frenchman walk into a bar...

And a Joe Dirt DVD.

And a pretty good ribbing by those South Park guys.

And a sack full of hastily bought gifts from the CVS.

And a stick of butter.

And a terrible parent.

And a younger body to make you feel more virile.

And actually, he was just about done.

And adds some color to his face.

And admitted the relationship was consensual.

And again and again and again and again

And again and again and again and again

And again and again, and again.

And all you can say is, "We don't want bacon,

And also to you.

And amplify the electron flow to the motherboard.

And an employee thought we were sisters?

And an orange soda without a cap.

And an unlimited number of other characters?

And and Laura Hallston's jugs are just slamming into you.

And and not like him like him. I'm not gay.

And and then when... we'll we'll do your thing.

And and whatever else is out there...

And annoy people.

And as a blue collar TV dad, I demand you enlist.

And as our judges tabulate the results,

And ask for medical diagnosises?

And ask them which one of us is fat.

And at first you liked having him at home

And Balboa is down!

And besides, Dad's the one

And besides, I can't go to Russia.

And Bonnie's dead from the waist up.

And bran, the hard outer layers of cereal grain.

And bran, the hard outer layers of cereal grain.

And bump your head on a low eave.

And business at the brewery must go on.

And by tattling on someone, you're really just telling them,

And carrying a bag with something heavy in it

And climb to the top of the tower.

And coming up, Russia and Prussia

And commits an identical murder

And could I get a Moscow mule?

And decimated my entire life.

And did you see the lady outside with the empty cat carrier?

And do the best we can,

And doesn't make or receive phone calls or work in any way?

And doing just fine.

And Eli Manning!

And eventually, I became friends with six boys:

And every gal wants the same guy who keeps

And every time you glance at this picture,

And every year, we don't go because you don't want to.

And everyone's dancing,

And finally, for Meg, a clock radio with an iPod jack

And for my beloved wife,

And for viewers making less than $40,000 a year,

And gather around the speakerphone.

And get away with it.

And give me a moment?

And give our soldiers the respect they deserve.

And give you a spoon 'cause you're a dumb baby.

And God, your head.

And groaning floorboards playing her out.

And having thicker hair than a werewolf.

And he and Michael share a moment that you're not part of.

And he comes every Valentine's Day on on a a...

And he hits a great shot, right on the green.

And he introduced me to 1997 George Clooney.

And he says, "Let's take a selfie."

And he snapped out of it and caught it.

And he was smitten.

And he's going to Vermont to scatter the ashes.

And he's headed right to the bar.

And he's not even black.

And he's not fat or thin.

And he's not young or old.

And he's pretty nervous.

And he's strong, like me.

And head on down to the juke joint.

And here's a thousand profit.

And here's one for my beautiful daughter.

And here's one for Stewie.

And here's one from The Supremes.

And here's Pitbull with his newest hit,

And his transport should be getting in soon.

And hurry, she's all revved up.

And I agreed I'd respect the majority

And I also ordered an extra slice of pie.

And I are both...

And I don't feel like waiting to see how it links up to my thing.

And I don't pretend I'm something I'm not.

And I don't want any of that for you

And I don't want you using it anymore!

And I elbow crawled to the sponge and shower chair.

And I got a weird message from Paul Verhoeven

And I had a seizure.

And I have lesions that'll never heal.

And I have no other option than crime.

And I have nobody to eat lunch with.

And I hope the exhibits here at The Museum of Television & Radio

And I hope you like turbulence, dildos

And I I don't have any friends,

And I just know I'm gonna be the one

And I just want you to see that not everyone in Quahog

And I killed the guys,

And I know how you're gonna say it

And I love it.

And I made your favorite, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.

And I really, really, really want to see Hamilton,

And I say a, "Mamma mia!"

And I see that you're on the rooftop pool deck

And I spin around over there and sing Sound of Music.

And I want to kill myself.

And I wanted to invite you guys to the opening

And I was able to fool you, as I am a master of disguise.

And I was sick of always playing second fiddle to that bear!

And I work in town as a choreographer and florist.

And I... I give myself these excruciating migraines.

And I'd get the blame for freeing the man

And I'd sooner bang him.

And I'll always remember you, Ellie.

And I'll tell you who's gay."

And I'm a gay alien.

And I'm afraid he won't like me back.

And I'm afraid you'll have to catch her without me.

And I'm being voiced by a white actor.

And I'm bi sexual, like all members of the Coast Guard.

And I'm Cris Collinsworth from NBC Sunday Night Football.

And I'm gonna be like, "Why are you talking

And I'm gonna move to New York City

And I'm here at The Museum of Television & Radio

And I'm looking way over here.

And I'm proud of my Coast Guard dad.

And I'm scared he might've done something drastic.

And I'm sickened by the thought of trolling for free handouts

And I'm so anxious all the time,

And I'm sorry about Fuddruckers.

And I'm sorry I pushed it on you.

And I'm still married to you because...?

And I'm still the voice

And I'm very late for work.

And I've even memorized some of the songs,

And if all of it came to an end right then and there, so be it.

And if being a woman makes you happy,

And if being a woman makes you happy,

And if something goes wrong and I don't survive,

And if they don't know him, why is he at the table?

And if they like you, they're gonna hire you.

And if you miss, you got to drink?

And if you're too scared to do it with me,

And in that speedboat... was Michael Bay.

And in the chaos, I searched desperately for my parents.

And in the hippo tradition,

And ineffectually trying to warn young people about drugs?

And introducing Doodles Weaver as Brian the Dog.

And it happened far, far too soon.

And it is now a sacred space, like a temple.

And it painted my smile.

And it swapped everybody in town.

And it was jumpin'. It really was.

And it'll all blow over. Trust me.

And it's not like I'd be lying.

And it's so great dating someone who understands

And it's so peaceful.

And it's the cheapest on the market.

And Jared from Subway spend the night?

And Jared from Subway,

And Joe took all the mon... the money!

And just for the record, I love black people.

And keeps you from feeling the sensation of hunger.

And kept it off this time.

And kiss you with black coffee breath.

And knows stuff, all without wires.

And last week, a professor told his class to have a nice day,

And later still, recreate it in a small bed and breakfast

And later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.

And left in a hurry, it's got nothing to do with me,

And left in a hurry, it's got nothing to do with me,

And look at some cat emojis with me?

And make some tired joke about selfies that only you laugh at,

And Many People Will Die" booze cruise.

And maybe they'll get off our backs.

And me and the guys always celebrate it

And meds for our daughter in the CIA.

And Meg has become a woman in front of our very eyes."

And men's attire will be provided

And Michael's posted it to his 86 followers on Instagram...

And more about your suit.

And move the house a little bit to the left.

And my crazy dream about a cool guy.

And my little girl.

And my painting!

And neither was Father.

And no matter what you show me,

And no need to have reminders at home

And no one had ever done anything so romantic

And no one's gotten a single answer wrong.

And no Trump questions.

And not wearing a topcoat,

And nothing to console me but the screaming black dolphins.

And now a reading from the book of JustJared.

And now a word from our sponsor: Fred Trump Apartments.

And now here comes a text

And now I know exactly what I have to do.

And now I will disguise myself as a prostitute named Valerie.

And now I'm in this mess.

And now I'm told she identifies as a man,

And now I'm tweeting about you, brah.

And now look... that could've been me on Fashion Police

And now look... that could've been me on Fashion Police

And now they've taken over the house.

And now this?!

And now to say good night

And now to seal it with a wet cough.

And now to turn slightly.

And now we know what it was. You're a psycho!

And now you're being sent to the ad's website,

And now you're fired, brah.

And now you're trending, brah.

And now your life is ruined, brah.

And now, Raleigh Kids,

And now, to say good night to my favorite a celebrity,

And now, you just talk at it.

And now, your host, here...

And off again I went,

And on karaoke night, I identify as George Michael

And on the side stage, it's "Neil Young asleep"

And on top of you.

And once there, you can see how Michael begins looking

And one day, all too soon, I'm gonna be crying

And one goes to charity.

And other stuff!

And our DVD didn't work.

And our one weird serrated spoon.

And our winner in the male division is...

And people are gonna be like, "Oh, nice suit,"

And people have been really nice.

And people think I'm the dummy.

And pick up my other cousins

And powers virtually every server on the globe.

And prepare to fish my teeth out of my stool.

And put on a pair of glasses I never wear

And put up this year's Christmas lights.

And regular people get hurt.

And remember, no phones, people.

And riding a horse there.

And sadly on the other side of.

And saw your car out front.

And say whatever you want.

And second, to tell you that

And send.

And she's banging my cousin,

And she's built quite a business for herself.

And shouted "Nope!" at all the women who came out.

And since I don't believe in psychiatry,

And so many quarters.

And so, you must die.

And soft drinks, then a man's gonna talk about the whole line.

And someone got me a limited edition

And sometimes a scarf, no matter what Lois says

And Stewie, if he's ever found.

And still think it's weird!

And survived.

And sustained severe brain trauma.

And take a too full bath.

And take your education to a higher level.

And talk about things like dirt and shapes,

And tell me to pack car for weekend getaway

And thanks for suggesting I buy that Fitbit.

And thanks to that, I'm now a huge social media star.

And that he'd be victorious.

And that I'd do anything to win you back.

And that is how I became your mother.

And that will be different how..

And that's all the time we have. Thanks for watching. Good night.

And that's just Scottie Pippen.

And that's match for Gene Porterfield.

And that's very popular right now,

And that's years of jail time.

And that's you.

And the animators are gone.

And the battery's dead.

And the crowd is gone.

And the Donkey Kong knew that.

And the fat man should win some kind of award for it.

And the fat man should win some kind of award for it.

And the fireplace is decorative,

And the food, well, I've been stealing it

And the jewels hanging out of my hat?

And the Oscar goes to...

And the play is off.

And the racial stuff on your show is just embarrassing.

And the school president didn't overreact,

And the small discoloration on the other,

And the United Arab Emirates.

And the various corsets and trusses below.

And their bras.

And then "Mony Mony" comes on at just the right time.

And then got hit by a bus on the walk home.

And then I get a treat, so I associate the two.

And then I rode my bike down to the hair salon

And then I send the demo tape to producers,

And then I'll sneak into their ladies' room.

And then reported her missing.

And then return it on Monday and say it doesn't work?

And then run out. Thanks.

And then start again, then laugh.

And then talk about it for the next hour!

And then we're totally screwed.

And then you can tell everyone that I functioned as I should.

And then, five months later,

And then, I sold all the drugs...

And then, return your body to you.

And there we go. Done.

And there you have it, Family Guy reaches a new low

And there's more where that came from.

And there's no one to take care of her,

And there's panties nearby

And these are my only pants. How sad is that?

And these are my only pants. How sad is that?

And they only had time to record two lines of dialogue.

And they say, "The Aristocrats."

And they're not even a guy. They're pizza.

And they're swimming!

And they're tearing each other apart.

And things are back to normal.

And this e mail from a young fan.

And this is already a really long story

And this is how he thinks it works.

And this is the only class in town.

And this whole thing's gonna be a lot simpler.

And this... this kind of seems like a crummy way to repay you,

And those greens are playing very fast,

And to answer it, we have to go back a ways.

And to have to pretend that you're something you're not.

And together, we traveled...

And totally trashed the bar.

And treasure from a fish tank.

And triangulated the deflection point...

And tweeted.

And Tyrese looks slick.

And vice versa.

And walk in and out of my building.

And was having a special rate of 295 U.S. dollars a night...

And was put to rest in the family graveyard.

And watching TV all weekend

And watered with Red Bull.

And we still haven't nailed down a date for visiting Epcot.

And we wouldn't change a single moment.

And we'll probably need a nursery.

And were literally eating your own kind.

And what can I get for you, sir?

And what do you care? Do you want the TV or something?

And what if they card you?

And what kind of sex does she like to have?

And what's the most memorable moment

And when you hear Mr. "Hey, I'm Hungry,"

And when you're here, you're family.

And when you're here, you're family.

And whenever it's time for the Emmys, they don't give us one.

And who was that Asian girl on the couch?

And why are there no windows?

And why are you here, Stewie?

And why is there a security guard out front?

And will now suddenly be replaced by crude graphics.

And woke up in a greeting card.

And worst of all,

And you can't tell it's a principal just from a walk

And you didn't mean to hurt me?

And you don't... up up, hang on, hang on.

And you feel humiliated and unseen.

And you fell down the stairs and hit your head pretty hard

And you know, I think some people may be here

And you think we're losers,

And you tie it all up by having everyone sit around saying,

And you wanted revenge.

And you will see...

And you willfully violated the sanctity and trust

And you worry a little, that you're diminishing

And you wouldn't have to mail me back my flash drive.

And you, lesser known offender James Toback.

And you, mine.

And you, old chap, are about to solve the biggest mystery

And you. You're an actual veteran; you should know better.

And you'd like to give them to him, wouldn't you?

And you'll proposition me, loud enough so the killer can hear.

And you're jealous and you loathe yourself for it.

And you're not in heaven 'cause you're not holding a margarita.

And you're... and you're a ghost.

And you've posted the photo on Facebook,

And your office is your haven,

And your rescue dog named after a character

And your slightly disconnected half smile.

And, because he works in the city,

And, besides, today's Dolph Lundgren's birthday,

And, Chris, whenever you're feeling defeated,

And, Cleveland, I want you to get...

And, Dad, I don't know how to thank you.

And, for some reason we haven't figured out yet,

And, Jeff, you might want to call your sponsor.

And, Meg, I hope you learned your lesson about drinking.

And, Patrick Swayze, thanks for helping me find

And, yes, I do feel I know you a bit.

And... and there was red liquid dripping from it.

And... posted.

And... send.

And... send.

Andy Griffith used to beat me up.

Angela?

Annie, are you okay?

Another dull night at the gentlemen's club.

Another hiker going by.

Another opportunity to practice my DJ ramp ups

Answer your question?

Anton, we got a runner!

Anyone here from the back fields of Pennsylvania, Ohio

Anyone know how to turn these things off?

Anyone want to go to strip club

Anyone who doesn't want to see my big, white, flailing butt,

Anything that makes me uncomfortable in 2017

Anything to get out on the open water, enjoy the salt air.

Anything? Hang on

Anyway, "fluid" is something I hear

Anyway, can I shake your hand? Sure.

Anyway, here's more pics."

Anyway, here's our first director,

Anyway, here's our first director,

Anyway, I got to go jump off a cliff.

Anyway, I I want to...

Anyway, our next director is Wes Anderson,

Anyway, the Hollywood Sign is more historic than you think.

Anyway, U.S. Coast Guard. You kids are...

Anyway, what matters is everyone's okay,

Apologies. Those of us with British accents

Apparently, he's not well liked.

Appetizing young love for sale.

Are any of you familiar

Are are you, are you sure that's what she said?

Are at Raisin Bran practice.

Are coming out of different mouths.

Are planning to kill spring break.

Are there any unemployed professors here?

Are there imposter Boo Berries?

Are those marking sole shoes?

Are we ready to attack?

Are we ready to attack?

Are we ready to attack?

Are you a bobby?

Are you all right now, Stewie?

Are you asking for a second chance?

Are you asking me to stop, stop?

Are you finished?

Are you finished?

Are you going away for a long time?

Are you gonna keep talking like this during the whole thing?

Are you gonna make a contribution

Are you kidding me?! Who is this guy?!

Are you kidding? Running a bar is my dream!

Are you looking for the perfect breakfast meal?

Are you pooping?

Are you reading off a teleprompter right now?

Are you real?