Family Guy - Season 11 Edit

A believer out of you, Brian

A big bowling victory, what do you normally do here?

A big day at Fenway today,

A big family decision without consulting me.

A birdhouse.

A birthday coming up this week?

A bit lighter than it did before.

A bunch of frauds and charlatans.

A change had to be made.

A change only one man could make.

A client's personal information.

A country where you can walk into any IHOP

A couple of eggheads I hired did.

A couple of rounds into the darkness

A day of love,

A dead body in a pharmaceutical lab?

A fair jury and a clean jury, so I brought some wet naps

A farm with big open fields, Brian,

A few more bugs to work out.

A grilled cheese sandwich after this.

A guy could ever ask his friend to do.

A guy who's looking for Bobby Briggs.

A key moment in the history of happiness.

A little bit of a donkey punch.

A little more thoughtful with your choices.

A little souvenir on his way out.

A lot of people are not as accepting

A mystery song for me.

A newly transformed tomboy

A Passing Fancy

A phone sex operator.

A place where Jenny McCarthy has a role

A PlayStation in a car.

A police spokesperson was quoted as saying,

A pretty good time in the hospital.

A quarter.

A razor blade?!

A real hot button issue for you guys, huh?

A room just so you can keep a weirdo Beautiful Mind room?

A rose for the gentleman?

A scrapbook of the trip for you guys

A select group of people that helps determine what's on TV.

A set list of totally awesome tunes, which I do have.

A significant rise in crime throughout Quahog.

A sports trophy home for my parents!

A story that goes back over a hundred years.

A terrorist sleeper cell.

A thousand stories.

A very elaborate fake grocery store.

A very expensive surgery

A very, very bad hiding place.

A week ago, we call him stupid,

A window and witness a crime.

A workplace comedy where people talk

A writer needs a voice, and I have one.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G

Aah!

Aah! I got glass in my face!

Aah! No, no! Stewie,

Aah! Oh, my God.

Aah! Son of a bitch!

About Breaking Bad or The Wire.

About horrible New Jersey freaks?

About people coming together

About starting fires in the song

About that one night stand.

About that shooting I witnessed.

About that Victorian stripper.

About the stationery that note was on,

About this Briggs thing, and that kind of bums me out,

About you for my school paper.

About you volunteering me for (bleep)?

Above my shoulder any time now, Tony.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. That's a waste of money.

Absolutely. I'm right there with you on that one.

Accelerating? Why would that be happening?

Accidentally gotten in with the rest of them.

Achoo.

Across from the park, apartment two.

Acting like he doesn't want us to look.

Actually puts me in the mind to write a spoken word poem.

Actually, it's not.

Actually, we are leaving.

Actually, we are meeting here.

Adam Sandler?!

Adam!

Admit you got a rodent in there.

Adrien Brody Doing Sit Ups in 3 D.

ADRIEN BRODY: One.

After 15 years on the lam.

After a successful business meeting in a swamp.

After all, I liked her enough to marry her last night.

After all, I've certainly done worse.

After all, shoes make the man.

After all, we couldn't even turn a double play.

After that, I took him swimming

After what you did to television.

Again recapping our breaking news,

Ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah, ah.Keep going.

Ah, come on!

Ah, course we are. You bet.

Ah, crap

Ah, damn it, my legs!

Ah, don't mention it.

Ah, Hartman!

Ah, hey, Joe.

Ah, I got to say, I was fantastic.

Ah, I gotta take this.

Ah, just as gorgeous as ever.

Ah, just kick him into Mexico.

Ah, look at this.

Ah, look! It says "autopilot engaged."

Ah, my head!

Ah, perfect, perfect.

Ah, right. Now everybody listen up

Ah, that looks great.

Ah, that's good to hear.

Ah, that's just Quagmire.

Ah, that's okay, Peter

Ah, the holidays are always stressful.

Ah, this is it, you guys.

Ah, we're slowing down. That's a good sign.

Ah, what a day.

Ah, what happened to your eye?!

Ah, what's wrong with you, Holder Downer 5000?

Ah, yes

Ah, yes, very Muslim.

Ah, yes.

Ah, you're welcome, buddy.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Ah! You guys get him! You guys get him!

Ah! Damn it! You bastards.

Ah! Get away from me, you creep!

Ah! Get that poop filled thing away from me.

Ah! Oh my God!

Ah! Paper cut!

Ah! Son of a bitch!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Then I shall take my ease on the lanai.

Ah. Yeah, now I hear him.

Ah...

Aha! We meet again, Briggs.

All "guilty."

All All right, just... just take it easy

All alone in the world.

All day in his underdrawers, saying he "between" jobs.

All his advisors are shorter than him?

All I can think is, you are completely screwed.

All I need is one dance,

All in favor of "guilty," raise your hands.

All it takes is one guy making one mistake,

All of your Mr. Potato Heads, I swear.

All over Dunkin' Donuts.

All over the court, what do you say we take

All right, all right, we'll just spit on you.

All right, and you have to understand,

All right, apartment number two.

All right, bachelor party!

All right, Bonnie.

All right, Bradley, here's your question.

All right, but you owe me for this one.

All right, Charmese, I'll do it.

All right, chick batter!

All right, Chris,

All right, Chris, where is it?

All right, class, today we're going

All right, come on, everyone, we got to put our heads

All right, come on, if mission control thought

All right, come on, Stewie, let's go home...

All right, could it be as simple as this?

All right, Drunken Clammers, this is it,

All right, enough of this.

All right, everyone get into a hilarious pose,

All right, everyone who's left, make a talent show.

All right, everyone.

All right, finally a little harpoon

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, for this next trick,

All right, good

All right, Griffins, on the ground, we're going to second.

All right, guys, I know that yesterday

All right, guys, keep an eye out for our stuff.

All right, guys, one more out and the game is ours.

All right, guys, the next flight

All right, here he comes now.

All right, here we are.

All right, I got my corner. Everybody ready?

All right, I got the guy!

All right, I got the monkey bars all put together.

All right, I got to say good bye to the kids.

All right, I guess we're off.

All right, I talked to Chris,

All right, I was standing right here,

All right, I'll catch up with you.

All right, I'll find it myself.

All right, I'll see you Tuesday.

All right, I'm going in.

All right, I'm going to the store.

All right, I'm gonna have to do the Vulcan V Meld.

All right, I'm gonna hit the john.

All right, if we're gonna go after Briggs,

All right, Internet porn check.

All right, it's 4:59. In just a few seconds,

All right, it's not all bad.

All right, kids, gather around.

All right, let's do it!

All right, let's do it!

All right, let's do it!

All right, let's do it.

All right, let's get this going, sweet cheeks.

All right, listen up in there!

All right, listen up, fellas.

All right, Lois, I'm off to the bazaar.

All right, Lois, you know the drill

All right, Lois.

All right, looks like we's gonna be here a while.

All right, move it back! Move it back!

All right, now, I've been trying

All right, now, where would they keep

All right, now, who's gonna make a show

All right, okay, I have two ideas.

All right, Peter, we can make one meth, and that's it.

All right, pumpkin.

All right, Rupert, you ready to get lost in some Anne?

All right, Stu, now, if we can just...

All right, sweetie, let me just spit on my hand,

All right, thank you for being so candid.

All right, that's enough tricks for you

All right, then.

All right, think, think. What do I do? What do I do?

All right, this is good. Any other suggestions?

All right, this is more like it.

All right, this is more like it.

All right, this is our target.

All right, to be completely honest,

All right, Tom, you're squinting.

All right, very funny, Stewie.

All right, we're almost at our jumping altitude .

All right, we're just going to have to try

All right, well, maybe we'll turn you on later

All right, well, the going rate

All right, well, turn it on. I'm very thirsty.

All right, well, you know the mall with the Chili's?

All right, what do I do?

All right, what do you say we get this thing started, huh?

All right, what do you want for your last meal?

All right, you got a date.

All right, you rest up, get better, we ate your son.

All right, you're kind of heavy,

All right!

All right!

All right! All right!

All right! All right!

All right? I'm not an idiot.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Cool, cool.

All right. The machine has been repaired.

All set? Yup.

All that and everything.

All that stuff

All the cigarette smoke and dump it in the bad hotels.

All the facts of this case.

All the fish in the bucket now!

All the greatest moments of my life,

All the greatest moments of my life.

All the kids are mean,

All the kids have drug problems.

All the most important Broadway people will be there.

All the questions!

All the things that make us

All the things that make us

All the unreturned library books will be officially late.

All the way from America, please welcome

All the way shut there are 11 of us, dear.

All these years, I was the passing fancy.

All those drugs that are

All those Filipino girls.

All you did was let a guy go.

All you got to do is one thing.

All your favorite shows

ALL: Ew!

ALL: Hear, hear!

ALL: Surprise!

ALL: To Lois!

All... all the greatest...

Almost there. You can do this, Stewie.

Also the porn is free, but we have to watch it in the lobby.

Also, I get the sense that Kristen Stewart

Also, I'm gonna start dieting and working out

Also, if I gave you a sandwich,

Also, she's very skittish,

Also, there'll be different varieties

Although I'm not sure what the Spanish word "no" means,

Always caused me problems at my old job.

Am I falling or am I flying?

Am I living or am I dying?

Am I the new guy?

America must pay for its sins!

Amy Brenneman and Ted Kaczynski.

An aide to Mayor Adam West has been found

An air scrubber with just the tools in the capsule.

An episode of Superman where Clark Kent and Lois Lane

An event that will most likely be canceled in the future.

An increase in crime?

An incredibly volatile and explosive batch

An Officer and a Gentlemen with me.

An old man pill that looks way too big to swallow.

Anal bleaching is better left to professionals. LOL."

And 'cause it felt like heaven when I was doing it.

And a blowhard.

And a molten chocolate topping.

And a ram's horn.

And a woman just lost her face in a freak accident.

And after that, it's Come Baby Came

And after this, it's Everybody Dance [Vow

And all because I believed in myself

And all I wanted was to fire a missile

And all the booze is still in there.

And all the passengers screaming around here!

And all those rusty pink razors in the shower.

And also, the ****.

And and you are gonna laugh about this,

And as per the wishes of my moustache,

And backwards rim shot.

And be the Griffins again

And because we've already had sex, it's not mine.

And besides, don't you think

And besides, there's nothing wrong with being 35.

And beyond?

And bill them every step along the way?

And bio?

And Briggs was all like... (high pitched mumbling)

And bring it back here?

And buy yourself a new wardrobe.

And calculate the reentry plan.

And calls me fat.

And can I plan your bridal golden shower?

And can't be friends with.

And coincidentally this is the day

And could I get no onions on that?

And could you get one for the ghost?

And count it really slowly.

And created antibodies, and then the pathogens

And Dennis, you once spent a night in a tent?

And did nobody warm up? (others react affirmatively)

And didn't issue a press release.

And Diff'rent Strokes.

And do we stagger our waves

And doing the entire bowling team of a pizza restaurant

And don't lie, or I'll tell Jennifer Connelly

And don't tell anybody about our attic.

And don't try to act like

And don't try to stand between

And Duke of Lacrosse Team already arrived two hours ago.

And Duke of Lacrosse Team.

And Earl got that cell phone.

And eat your dinner.

And encounters a koala bear in an Eastern European town.

And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

And even if they do, just ignore them.

And even longer to recalibrate it for normal time,

And even that fat guy at the Atlanta Olympics

And even worse, he likes Chris!

And ever since I got banned from the arcade,

And every middle class Arab in this town

And everybody had an Uncle Earl.

And everyday Epsom salt have gone missing.

And Fairy God Joe down at the Fairy God Clam

And fictional.

And figure out the code.

And file for divorce.

And finally, my date of birth.

And finally, that lady with the Peter Gallagher eyebrows

And find comfort in each other!

And find me some real parents."

And fixed a few things around my house!

And for sure I'm not gonna stop first

And for that, I shall be forever grateful.

And future homosexual meeting spot... open!

And get me a beer.

And get some crepes in the lobby.

And get that plastic surgery I always wanted.

And get the stuff from my P.O. box.

And give us three more beers over here!

And give you stuff to do

And giving each other phony compliments.

And go get some ice cream.

And go talk to my coworkers at...

And gold card members?

And good luck to you, Charmese.

And good luck.

And have a gap toothed woman say, quote,

And have seventh grade in the same room make outs.

And having the guts to get out of it.

And he fell apart.

And he had a stroke.

And he had three Red Sox tickets in his pocket.

And he says he's not responsible for a single one.

And he totally wants to hook up with you, too

And he was under oath.

And he's got a big eggo.

And he's got a gun!

And he's got a tiny penis!

And he's got a trash compactor.

And he's in there pitching a fit.

And head to the beach for some ultimate Frisbee?

And help them gain self confidence

And her sister's a bigger slut than she is.

And here are the pictures

And here he... oh.

And hey, you've been working hard.

And his grandfather brought him here.

And I also lied about the giant chef's hat.

And I always assumed he was straight.

And I am but his humble servant.

And I am with burrito and about to do the same.

And I assure you that Specimen Z

And I believe I've come up with a way

And I bet Specimen Z is the real Carter's body.

And I brought you a breast pump,

And I can't find her anywhere.

And I can't get ahold of them.

And I can't live without you.

And I come out, I'm looking like this.

And I could almost deal with the noise,

And I couldn't have done it without you.

And I did it on Craigslist,

And I did your homework.

And I don't think anyone's coming to get us.

And I don't want to be all fuzzy headed for that.

And I finished a book!

And I get that, I do.

And I get to shout "Admiral Akbar"

And I got some ideas to make TV better

And I had my...

And I hate to do this,

And I have a lovely gift of the batchslapping variety

And I heard something I wish I hadn't.

And I intend to take full advantage.

And I keep messing everything up.

And I know the name makes it sounds Asian,

And I know this is real because you're not rabbit people.

And I like musicals. I've even seen

And I like watching poor people scramble

And I love hanging out with you,

And I might have the solution to our farming trouble.

And I need people to come to the open house

And I overcame my stutter through some pretty kooky means.

And I passed a roulette table, and I put it all on 16

And I promised my bosses a fresh kidney.

And I really owe you.

And I said that yesterday, you stupid idiot!

And I sure as hell didn't write him a letter.

And I switched out one of his eyeballs

And I think I've found it.

And I think we've got a better chance of beating them

And I tried to throw myself in front of the bullet,

And I turned the gauge backward.

And I want there to be no more secrets between us.

And I want to be fresh!

And I want to be in the tub when it happens.

And I want to be there when it arrives.

And I want to make sure it's formatted correctly.

And I want y'all to know that we's gonna run

And I want you to be there whenever there's a bad joke.

And I want you to come home.

And I wanted the local birds to be aware of that.

And I was thinking about,

And I will eat whatever Xerxes brings me.

And I would've loved that, Charmese,

And I'll be there.

And I'll have the chicken.

And I'll know everything she knows.

And I'll put this ball with cheese in it on the floor.

And I'll see you guys soon.

And I'll teach you my secret to picking up chicks.

And I'm a owl.

And I'm afraid you're gonna really hurt yourself.

And I'm at a carnival

And I'm getting kind of tired of my old job.

And I'm going to tell the whole world about it.

And I'm gonna make sure everybody knows it!

And I'm just, uh...

And I'm molesting you.

And I'm more of a chocolate person

And I'm not letting you break that promise

And I'm pretty certain you know what I want you to do with it.

And I'm sorry..

And I'm Stewie.

And I'm sure Buzz Lightyear

And I'm taking Randall Evan Battincourt with me.

And I'm the guy who's gonna fix it.

And I'm trying to make myself throw up.

And I'm Yasmina Reza.

And I've been in this wheelchair ever since.

And I've got a pretty good idea

And if I need help, I'll just fantasize

And if we're going to survive it,

And if what were at stake

And in a couple of years, we'll give him a diploma.

And is it true that you've been spending the farm's money

And is suing you for everything you've got.

And it can't leave this room.

And it doesn't even do that well.

And it goes through El Paso.

And it is exhilarating to me.

And it looks like I signed one of the witness lines

And it says this next one is the "Shocking Reveal Gay Float."

And it would be four

And it's against the law.

And it's all here.

And it's coming this way! We got to run!

And it's it's just in that

And it's not like it's the first time you made

And it's official?

And it's on your butt, so no one's gonna follow you

And it's only because I don't see any other way out of this.

And it's something huge.

And it's Spider Man, not Spidey.

And it's the Clam. But, Peter, it's closed.

And it's the same reason you didn't take that job in Denver.

And it's, like, 4:40 now, and, so, if I'm going to make it,

And just think, this is where Helen Keller

And just to put it out there, Tom Tucker is packin'.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse,

And laugh ourselves sick.

And laying everyone off.

And leave my things to me.

And let me assure you, my racquetball game

And let the husband horse slap a batch at her now and then.

And light it on fire so that it rains.

And light it on fire so that it rains.

And live the married life.

And luckily, I don't know many words,

And made two trips to Florida in four days.

And make each other's fingers smell terrible.

And make lots of good friends.

And make my real estate waterfront.

And marry that hot new assistant from my work.

And math class?

And maybe a festive hat would make things more festive.

And meanwhile, you're spending half our money

And meet in an hour in front of The Yak Shack.

And Mr. Con Man here can have pudding or ice cream, not both.

And Mr. Griffin naked simultaneously.

And my back starts itching.

And my kids are doing nothing.

And my mom is pounding on the door, and I'm like,

And my teacher gave you something to sign

And no matter where you are, you'll always be my father.

And no one says anything,

And no one will ever hurt you.

And no one will shake that.

And nobody knew what the hell he was talking about.

And not just you guys,

And not one of these campus bars.

And now he looks better than he ever did.

And now he's giving tours of the space shuttle.

And now he's walking weird.

And now I don't want to go.

And now I got that.

And now I want you to go and take a picture of yourself

And now I will have my normal post news review

And now it's in my butt!

And now it's poo!

And now it's time

And now she's gonna consent to a no fault divorce.

And now sports.

And now that cougar's dead

And now that I've made you aware of the misunderstanding,

And now the mug's so old that the "P" has been worn off

And now to take my position.

And now we wait.

And now you have to help me fix it!

And now, let's meet our star!

And now, our feature presentation:

And now, straight to sleep.

And offering people sections of a tiny clementine.

And one day, Joseph and his friend Robby were hanging...

And one is a tied up raincoat sleeve at a party in your honor.

And one more question, darling.

And one of the loan shark's goons is probably gonna bust

And one that I think is stupid.

And our car just broke down!

And over here are my toys.

And Peter partially signed the other.

And Peter, I'll never forget what you did for us.

And pierce your heart like a knife.

And pierce your heart like a knife.

And pose a potential choking hazard.

And present it in a way that no one can possibly understand.

And pretend we're in the back behind the speakers.

And pretentious.

And problems of the big city.

And question every decision you've ever made.

And raise her to be my wife.

And remind you that, as far as casseroles go,

And render an impartial and unanimous verdict.

And right now, sex is the last thing I want to think about.

And round up all these rattlesnakes.

And Scottie Pippen.

And second, no one's gonna leave a place

And see black women fighting.

And see Celine Dion.

And see how you feel.

And see if I can duplicate the shock wave.

And see if we can find some great tits.

And see your own foot in the garbage can?

And she feels trapped because

And she is amazing.

And she's not letting go.

And she's quite a bowler, too.

And should not be touched by humans.

And since it's bank property,

And since we have no weapons,

And so do they, sir

And so I say unto you,

And so let us take a look back on his life

And so Lois sweet talks her way backstage.

And so, as I look out at your smiling faces filled with hope,

And so, gentlemen, in baseball,

And somebody's getting torn open.

And someday, maybe you'll find the right guy.

And stare off into the fields.

And stare off into the fields.

And stick that in your mouth, too.

And stuff it in there.

And talk about how nice it is.

And talk to those people in Quahog.

And tell him I quit.

And tell him to get our table ready.

And tell Mahmoud we can't be friends anymore.

And telling me the truth, Brian.

And thank you for being a good friend

And that giant bird's coming for us, isn't he?

And that he has two weeks to live.

And that I've been under a lot of stress

And that is the story of Jesus.

And that means he had you first, Lois.

And that means me and the other jocks

And that places the witness right here,

And that was the last we ever saw of him.

And that'll do it for us here at Channel 12 News.

And that's actually where you come in, Peter.

And that's if we even get out of here alive.

And that's it?

And that's something to feel good about.

And that's why it works.

And that's why they were such vicious killers.

And that's why you're allowed to eat

And the charade continues.

And the Facebook campaign to get me to kill myself?

And the home of the sunburnt, freckled fat guy.

And the job exchange begins.

And the lab inside the house, which is currently producing

And the marbling is some of the best I've ever seen.

And the other that wasn't.

And the police detective who examined all the evidence

And the radio's shot.

And the scarf Brian called "A gay waste" makes a rather important appearance.

And the sort of specialized experience

And the terrible smelling guest book.

And the worst part is, I don't think Lois even knows he's sick.

And the Yew Nork Nankees bave heaten

And then Briggs's legs were like...

And then declaring them good.

And then expelled from my body, you slut.

And then I just go ahead and do stuff.

And then I paid a couple of Mexicans

And then killed himself?

And then later on, give her the old sau seege.

And then run over by a Mercedes.

And then some.

And then somebody replaced Meg's sleeping pills

And then tell me all about it.

And then the host asks an unrelated question.

And then the next day nobody talks about banning that thing.

And then the rest of the place applauding them.

And then they were like, "Don't drown all the girls,"

And then we dug the bullets out of that Iraqi family's skulls

And then we have a chocolate, chocolate cake

And then you took me to the hospital

And then you turn around one day and...

And then you went and gave her that horrible speech!

And then you were all like... (mimics two gunshots)

And then, for a confusing period, inside of me.

And then, he'll be like, "What hospital?"

And then, that's like, two jokes.

And then, to make things worse,

And there will be dire consequences.

And there's going to be a body in that casket.

And there's some scribbling on the back

And there's something incredible

And there's this one guy who follows me around

And they all play ice hockey,

And they just added a Wednesday matinee.

And they must be in a crumbly mess

And they really know your child. They care.

And they'll ground your ass for a year.

And they're gonna fly us all to America for the show!

And they're not too keen on doing it.

And they're still kind of drunk

And this house?

And this is me on the moon.

And this is Meg's brother, Chris.

And this is our Uzbekistani friend, Bokyavroychesku.

And this is where dreams come true,

And this isn't coming from me, this is management.

And this isn't easy.

And this one took the grand prize.

And this place turns into a drug den!

And to brain damaging venereal disease.

And to keep people from knowing the truth.

And to show my appreciation for reading my play,

And to think, yesterday I was just a guy

And to you, mi amor.

And upstairs is where we sleep.

And use that card to eat for free.

And wait'll you see Breaking Bad

And we are not gonna let them take it.

And we are to go and pay tribute.

And we can finally start our family.

And we can treat him like one of the cats?

And we did way too much Star Wars crap.

And we feed them.

And we have Kelly Clarkson going to town at a Waffle House.

And we have one beautiful child.

And we have to make sure it doesn't get out.

And we haven't done it since that first night.

And we need to rebuild television from the ground up.

And we want to do something special for you.

And we wanted to invite you to join us.

And we'll be like, "Saint Up Yours."

And we'll get started.

And we're all terrified it will never come back.

And we're dead.

And we're going to let you choose which one.

And we're going with Lois.

And we're in deep trouble.

And we're probably partway into it here,

And we've got no food or water.