Married with Children - Season 3 Edit

A "faking you out of your jock."

A $100 bill!

A 60 year old man

A bald head says, "good in bed."

A beautiful beaded evening purse

A big one, with my name on it.

A bra with its feet on the ground.

A bunch of boring bankers.

A cheerleader.

A close family member?

A cool mill.

A couple of times before.

A cup of coffee.

A door high enough so you can crawl under without paying?

A family that doesn't respect me,

A fat ghost.

A Ferguson says, "I'm a toilet.

A Ferguson, the king of bowls.

A Ferguson, you say.

A five, six, seven, eight.

A Ganaywick sister has me!

A ghost town.

A good place to start

A great meal out of this money.

A guy gets a little knee to the groin,

A hairy child put a reflector by his head

A happy Tater Totting, fish sticking man.

A hundred bucks!

A job.

A lawyer takes 30 percent.

A list of idiots like that

A little differently in my present state of mind.

A little is all I've got.

A little sooner,

A little, "Hey, Bruno, look at this."

A long distance phone call?

A loser?

A man who likes girls but hates women.

A man's home is his castle.

A milk carton with a tree growing out of it.

A million cars on the road,

A million dollars, Al.

A million dollars, Marcie.

A million dollars?

A mission to accomplish.

A mother with her children.

A Mrs. Marcie Rhoades.

A Penthouse, a night light,

A quart of Chin Away,

A real man,

A real man's bra. [LAUGHS]

A runny nose and a bad back.

A sea breeze.

A senior citizen's bus pass?

A seven.

A small fortune,

A toilet bowl like my dad had.

A total and complete loser.

A trap door!

A week ago I had 10 pairs of socks.

A whole city that curses the day I was born.

A windfall, just like the gypsy said.

A wolf. [SNARLING]

A woman's orgasm is brought on

A wretch of a human being?

A.k.a. Peggy Pundy.

Aah!

About 28 days from now?

About 28 days from now?

About his stupid record

About like this?

About that Pippi Longstocking girl.

About the man who's stalking my husband?

About the White Sox.

About this tall.

About what happened this afternoon.

Accepts me for what I am,

Actually,

Actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.

Actually, it's an interesting phenomenon

Actually, uh, we're up from Chi Town.

Actually, uh, we're up from Chi Town.

Actually, your father doesn't earn enough

Affection is just a hammerlock away from sex.

After Al learned that a man with $20

After all, if it wasn't for me,

After all, you have to do something

After last night's feast of the three legged chicken.

After taxes, we get squat.

After that,

After you overflowed the toilet.

Again and again,

Ah ah ah. Not so fast, Al.

Ah, books are for idiots.

Ah, but she hasn't tried Francine's of Hollywood

Ah, don't worry about it.

Ah, go ahead. Give me the test.

Ah, here it is.

Ah, I see a death.

Ah, it's next door.

Ah, it's the freeway ban that really hurts.

Ah, Jesus.

Ah, look at that...

Ah, Peg,

Ah, Peg, this is just like being in a real theater.

Ah, Steve, gee. Must be my lucky day.

Ah, there we That's me, Dad.

Ah, we were always gonna.

Ah, what else could happen to me?

Ah, what the hell, light up.

Ah, what the hell? Everybody eats!

Ah, what the hell.

Ah, yes,

Ah, you know how

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Here we go.

Ah.

Ah. Feeling better, honey?

Ah...

Ah...

Ah... Look at her, Marce.

Ah...mmm.

Ahem.

Ahem. Ahem.

Ahh.

Ahhh...

Ahhh...

Ahhh...

Ahhh...

Ahhh...

Al and I both agreed to.

Al Bundy.

Al Bundy. Of course!

Al doesn't mind spending $500 on his wife.

Al ducks behind a tree.

Al is gonna be a Patty girl.

Al Jolson's Greatest Hits.

Al loves that toilet bowl more than he does me.

Al sweated Elvis.

Al told me I'd find you here.

Al wouldn't eat unless his food was warm.

Al,

Al,

Al,

Al, Al!

Al, can I ask you something?

Al, can I talk to you for a second?

Al, can't you get rid of them?

Al, come up here and hold me.

Al, do you know what this means?

Al, have you seen my ashtray?

Al, honey,

Al, honey, get up.

Al, honey, how can we afford a new bathroom?

Al, I am really upset with your wife.

Al, I can't bear this burden alone.

Al, I don't see any area marked off for a sink.

Al, I got some bad news.

Al, I just saw Elvis.

Al, I know you were at a funeral and all,

Al, I made more than you losing a tooth when I was a kid.

Al, I saw Elvis.

Al, I was never in a fight.

Al, I'm feeling a little fevered.

Al, I'm serious.

Al, it doesn't matter

Al, it is 7:30 in the morning.

Al, it's my birthday.

Al, just let me start at the beginning,

Al, just take the book back.

Al, look at our little girl.

Al, maybe it's not too late

Al, my mother saved the curls from my first haircut.

Al, she dances like a horse.

Al, she's failing again.

Al, take me.

Al, that's not nice.

Al, we are living like Okies.

Al, we hardly do anything together anymore.

Al, we've got to do something.

Al, what are we gonna do?

Al, why don't you

Al, you are a total disgrace.

Al, you don't think I'm getting old, do you?

Al, you were looking for a brain.

Al, you're just being paranoid.

Al, you're not supposed to drink it,

Al, your dog burst into our house

Al, your dog went on my carpet.

Al, your life is pathetic.

AL: * Moon river *

AL: Bless you!

AL: Damn it!

AL: Get off of me!

AL: Have a nice time.

AL: Later, Kelly.

AL: My record is going to hell.

AL: Now, that's a man's flush.

AL: Now, was that sex, or was that sex?

AL: Ooh! [THUD]

AL: Peg,

AL: Peg, I stepped in the garbage can,

AL: Peg, who's the cop with his pants on backwards?

AL: This him?

AL: Well, it's about time.

Al!

Al?

Al? Al Bundy?

Al.

Al.

Al..

Al...

Al...

Al...

Al...

Al...

Al...Al!

Al's aim isn't very good.

Al's armpits are the doorway to another dimension.

Al's bowels are draining the very lifeblood

Al's dead.

Al's mother just threw up in the dip.

Al's T shirts are gray again.

ALL [CHANTING]: Poke 'em in! Poke 'em out!

All a guy has is his dog.

All I could get over the counter

All I want is some peace, a meal and some hemlock.

All in favor?

All of it.

All of you.

All right, $237 split four ways

All right, 33 to the right.

All right, everybody, announcement.

All right, get the suitcases.

All right, girls.

All right, I'm feeling relaxed here,

All right, let's go, everybody sit down.

All right, Mom, way to go!

All right, now,

All right, now, get out there

All right, now, listen up.

All right, now...

All right, Peg,

All right, so I've been playing it cool.

All right, so our life stinks.

All right, then. It's settled.

All right, you little gangsters.

All right!

All right! Cheerleader huddle!

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Now, watch me.

All right. Now...

All shut off.

All the guys are losing their socks

All this time she's been buying all this stuff herself.

All three at once.

All we need now is a little glass of bourbon

All women are in it.

All you have to do

ALL: * Flintstones *

ALL: Bald.

ALL: Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!

ALL: Hi, Murray.

ALL: Hi, Steve. Hi, Al.

ALL: Of course you do.

ALL: Ooh!

ALL: Peggy! Peggy Wanker!

ALL: Say it.

Alrighty.

Alrighty.

Alrighty.

Always trying to top me.

Am I a fan, or what?

Am I still attractive?

Am not.

Amen.

Amen.

An "open handed chop to the Adam's apple."

An empty spot behind a rock.

An Insta Hair candidate or not?

An unexpected windfall will come your way.

And $300 for these shoes

And a book is fuel for a hungry mind.

And a boring slob.

And a bottle of vinegar lying around.

And a five, six, seven, eight.

And a hunting we will go.

And a nice commish it was too.

And a pillow named Shirley.

And a refrigerator with food in it.

And a squirt of beef squeezings.

And a virgin.

And about the time you wore that gray sweater.

And accuses me of locking the driver in the bathroom

And act like that,

And aerodynamic.

And afterwards, no matter how long it takes,

And all he likes is cheerleaders.

And all I get is grief.

And all Steve kept saying was,

And all the stains are gone.

And all you kids can think about are your empty little stomachs.

And are they both crotchless?

And as for the Bundys,

And ask him where he gets it cut?

And asked for Steve's Roadhouse.

And attacked their bus.

And bagging groceries for $3.20 an hour.

And been home already.

And been rich and famous.

And breasts.

And bring back our money.

And Buck seems to like him.

And buy insurance.

And cartoons.

And cartoons.

And Dan?

And dances the dances of our forefathers.

And demanded to be taken to the airport.

And dial 1 800 NO DATE.

And do the wild thing.

And don't have an attitude,

And don't throw away that colorful shell.

And don't try to follow us.

And earn that big money.

And eat it fast before your dad gets home.

And edge ever closer to the grave.

And everything else they could strap to their backs

And fast food."

And flip.

And get front row tickets

And get hell out of Dodge.

And get on with our lives?

And get something to eat, for God's sake.

And get that book and prove it to you.

And get to the people

And gets depressed.

And give each other spankings?

And had it out with her man to man.

And had to crash on a much darker planet.

And has nothing to do but sit back and watch that TV.

And hats hadn't been invented,

And hats hadn't been invented,

And haul over here.

And he asks if I've done anything good,

And he didn't even notice me.

And he is one hep black cat.

And he just won't believe

And he never will.

And he raised his head up from that pizza,

And he wants a pillow.

And he won't listen to a word I say.

And he wore a sombrero.

And heads up field.

And here you are, Mr. Total Eclipse.

And hop, shuffle, step,

And I admire you for it.

And I am gonna be proud of you,

And I begged him to pull in to a truck stop.

And I believe this hernia is mine.

And I break it in gradually so it's not such a shock,

And I can't get out!

And I can't have boys in my room?

And I definitely want that!

And I didn't get any sleep.

And I don't want to see anybody try that again.

And I filled it with Xeroxed money.

And I finally got you.

And I fought for the right,

And I had an emotional experience.

And I had on my old nightgown.

And I had to sell your tools for lottery money.

And I have my secret weapon.

And I just know he would have wanted me

And I just know I can win.

And I just need $70 to play.

And I know he's not doing too good in English.

And I make the decisions

And I never would have done that.

And I notice that they have this great rail.

And I noticed

And I really want to wow them.

And I saw something in a public bathroom downtown

And I saw that they call The Eight Family or something.

And I saw this car pull up

And I slipped over and took them?

And I think I speak for the kids too,

And I think we should say our thanks

And I think you just got lucky.

And I want everybody to get

And I want my barber, damn it!

And I want some attention.

And I want us to look nice,

And I want you to know something, all of you:

And I was the one who told him

And I was wondering if I could tape it to your door.

And I wish that on you, Bundy:

And I wonder if Marcy knows

And I'll do things to them...

And I'll get back my self respect.

And I'll go to Borneo,

And I'll never again know the joy of driving

And I'll never ask you for anything ever, ever again.

And I'll tell you something else.

And I'm afraid you're just gonna

And I'm always out scouting.

And I'm bald.

And I'm breathing good.

And I'm going to hold the ladder for him.

And I'm going to see you girls later,

And I'm just about to land him.

And I'm sick of you, Vanderdoody!

And I'm sure he gave us this money

And I'm trying to do my homework.

And I've been concealing my problem

And I've got the flu.

And I've learned,

And if I do come back, call the doctor,

And if I was gay,

And if I win, I'll pay you back.

And if it turns out that it really was him,

And if only one of us has to go,

And if you cannot control your wanton hostility,

And if you had what other men have,

And if you have time,

And in here, we have some of the seven dwarfs...

And in two weeks, Sasquatch City.

And in World War II,

And is always there when I need it...

And it lasted longer.

And it means he's trying to contact me.

And it might be more comfortable

And it strained our relationship,

And it's all in this little box, isn't it, Dad?

And it's been washing the coloring off the tomatoes.

And it's gonna be me.

And it's not gonna work now.

And it's pretty difficult to discuss supply side economics

And just because you all have husbands

And knowing how Kelly drives,

And landing on the planet Jayne Mansfield.

And laugh at the nerds.

And leave a note for that guy,

And leave this place for the last time,

And left it outside my door.

And let Mommy be happy.

And let you two make my decisions for me.

And let's coax the mummy out of his crypt.

And let's try to cheer your father up.

And like my mother said when I married your father,

And look at nothing but, uh...

And look, isn't that Joe Piscopo at poolside.

And looking at you now, I doubt you ever will.

And make a wish?

And make change for the pay toilet?

And make love

And make more references to me

And Marcy hasn't told me a thousand times.

And married a debutante,

And maybe if you did that just once,

And me.

And mine too,

And misspelled "ha ha."

And more often, I might add.

And most of the women wound up menstruating at the same time.

And Mr. Freddy says it's hell on my conditioner, man.

And my dad could play it like a violin.

And my decision is,

And my fight with Jack,

And my tiles and my life and my manhood.

And my wife is wearing a $200 jacket.

And Natalie.

And no coming out during the party.

And no high school kid's gonna break that one.

And no insurance.

And nobody has died yet.

And not tell anyone.

And now I hope you'll welcome our final act,

And now I've got one of my very own.

And now this.

And number three, if he was alive,

And of all the employees at your bank,

And on "back to school" night.

And on those mornings when you look in the mirror,

And once again saved the day.

And one day,

And one day, I'm gonna be big and strong"?

And one vat of "Unh" Perfume...

And our house was gone.

And our super deluxe "Patty party starter" kit.

And pick out a car we can take for a ride?

And play some records?

And played college ball,

And plug that hole in the roof.

And Polk is six minutes away from an undefeated season.

And pour the whole thing down her gas tank.

And pretend you don't exist?

And priority seating.

And proceed in an aggressive manner.

And promised to have a real dead body in it...

And put me down.

And rate their hooters!"

And really give them something to worry about.

And run them over with a grain reaper.

And say hi to Mr. Days Gone By.

And say something nice to your sister.

And says, "I can't speak. I have no parents,

And scratches and bites at his fleas.

And second...

And see a guy who's pretty darn good looking,

And see if we can piece

And see justice served.

And shake your dots for Polk High!

And she disgraced the entire family,

And she'd always be spooning mounds of sugar into it

And sing "This Land Is Your Land."

And six more payments,

And sleep at the bus station like us.

And slip it to you...

And slit your skirt up to your chin.

And snapped their arms like little twigs,

And so can you.

And so we deserve a million dollars.

And so you shall

And so,

And some of us are aging badly.

And something came crashing through a bush.

And sprung this on you.

And started screaming for help.

And steal all our roses?

And still you find time

And suck in one of the kids.

And sucker punch him in the breadbasket.

And take pictures of the wildlife.

And take that hand out of your pants.

And taking the bus on a joy ride,

And Tater Tots Marcie calls dinner.

And that concludes my opening statement.

And that cougar who went in through the sunroof

And that goes on last.

And that person never paid me back.

And that won't even buy a fake ID.

And that, in a nutshell, is your problem.

And that's what I'm going to do.

And that's what we call in the world of business

And that's when they come crawling on their bellies to me.

And the air smells great.

And the award winning thirtysomething.

And the big finish!

And the doughnut just mysteriously...disappears?

And the dream of my life is to become a Polk Dot,

And the end.

And the ever painful "How they hanging?"

And the eyes stop saying, "Duh,"

And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth,

And the finger didn't fit anymore.

And the guys really need your support.

And the left one cradles.

And the little one was...

And the more rewarding.

And the rest of them said

And the squad is full. It's impossible.

And the way they ask you to chip in for the motel room.

And the way they leave the toilet seat up.

And the way we need it.

And the worst part is I spent them with you.

And their socks are disappearing too,

And their wives claim they don't know either.

And then after that, I'll see your principal.

And then Elvis said to me,

And then he'll compliment me

And then hid under our bed

And then I said,

And then it'd be right from the trunk...

And then one thing led to another,

And then the ducky said to the frog,

And then the next minute, poof!

And then there's that.

And then they're going to look at me

And then use them to crush him.

And then we held hands.

And then we're going to dinner!

And then, as if the kiss wasn't enough,

And then, it's "Bundy night at the movies."

And there was a

And there's always the bathroom.

And there's the gun! It's over!

And these cases of bottled water,

And they did it as a family.

And they get three meals a day.

And they never let you forget it.

And they usually wind up doing menial jobs

And they wonder why we call 'em queens.

And they're at my house right now,

And they're going for the win with a 2 point conversion.

And they're truly, truly helpless,

And think about doing your laundry.

And this popcorn will make a nice surprise for them.

And this quarter I got from the blind guy.

And this year,

And this.

And three is there's no way Polk's gonna win this game.

And throw it in the air.

And to have his baby.

And to my tremendous commitment to the women's movement.

And to prove it, I gave them your address.

And to think I was just giving it away.

And tomorrow I'll get up,

And toss me in a dumpster,

And treat each book like fine china.

And tuna, "three for $1.49,"

And two, I'm not bald.

And unless your father

And wash your windows.

And we all agree,

And we brought a nice prime rib bone for Buck.

And we each pose for a picture with the bowl?

And we have to learn to live with it.

And we made Frosty the Dandruff Man.

And we really need this table.

And we should get on with our lives.

And we turn the lights down real low,

And we...gang fix the sink.

And we'll be landing in 10 minutes.

And we'll chat tomorrow?

And we'll dine like royalty.

And we'll have ourselves

And we'll live together and make terrariums.

And we'll say next time I get a pet,

And what about you, Connie?

And what if Al didn't die till I was in my 40s?

And what tap can do for you.

And what'd you find for the Bundy snack tray?

And whatever the Bundys were doing...

And when it does, you'll be glad we have that hearse.

And when you flush it,

And why did he do that, kids?

And why isn't Bundy doing this?

And with men what they are today,

And with pepperoni on his breath,

And written instructions

And yet he thought we were as poor as he was.

And yet we live amongst the common people.

And you are obviously not college educated.

And you can hang up the big guy for another year.

And you have a Patty day too!

And you have the audacity to ask me how I'm doing?

And you know where they go to make my life miserable?

And you know who's to blame?

And you know, if we had been on tape,

And you know, in school,

And you owe us $2163.

And you toss Freddy

And you, uh...show me some of your moves?

And you, you'll be, uh...

And you'll pardon me if I kill you.

And you're going to have to buy some shoes.

And you're gonna be proud of me,

And you're gonna like it.

And you're home.

And you're looking at him.

And you're only allowed out for dinner,

And you've broken their spines

And you've got a nice little dose of simple carbohydrates,

And you've got a nice one.

And young Bud and I

And your ad said, "We fit every foot."

And your blue eyes are the windows to my world.

And your blue eyes are the windows to my world.

And your children.

And your hair

And your house looks lovely.

And your house was gone.

And your lips are my doorways to heaven.

And your nose hairs were going in and out

And your strong arms are my support beams.

And, "America, phooey."

And, after a few months of selling Patty products,

And, Al, I want you to know

And, Dad...

And, honey,

And, Lord, I'd just like to say,

And, love, thy name is Marcy.

And, Miss Rhoades,

And, now...exhibit B.

And, Peggy,

And, remember,

And, Russ, you're slipping...

And, Steve,

And, uh, some tampons?

And, uh, well, the upshot is

And, uh...

And, uh...

And, uh...

And, well, I don't really know what it was about,

And, well, it'll be a long time before he does his famous

And, you know, if you would have even

And?

And...the end.

Animals at the zoo eat better than me,

Announcement.

ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: We'll be back in a moment with Dr. Sandy,

ANNOUNCER: And late in the second quarter,

ANNOUNCER: And now we're back

ANNOUNCER: And the point after is good.

ANNOUNCER: And we're late in the fourth quarter,

ANNOUNCER: He's at midfield all alone.

ANNOUNCER: It's Polk with the ball.

ANNOUNCER: Matt Gibson has the ball.

ANNOUNCER: There's the kickoff.

ANNOUNCER: Your attention, please.

Another great meal, Peg.

Another month in debtor's prison?

Another round for everybody.

Another tip from Mommy.

Any further bidding?

Any ideas?

Any negotiable securities, Al?

Anybody would.

Anybody!

Anyhow,

Anyhow,

Anyhow, I came down to get some Minoxidil,

Anyhow, I'd like to share something beautiful with you.

Anyhow, I'm getting off I 94,

Anyhow, Peggy, all you need

Anyhow, the point is

Anyhow, they're about like this.

Anyhow, what I'm saying here is Elvis is dead,

Anyhow, yeah, we were really great back then. Yep.

Anyhow...

Anything can happen.

Anything else?

Anything good happen to you?

Anything interesting happen at school today?

Anytime.

Anyway, I have an idea.

Anyway, I'm looking for a bra for my wife,

Anyway, Marcy,

Anyway, the fat one they call "Dad"

Anyway, you can get your hair cut anywhere.

Are from the planet Krypton?

Are out searching for a barber.

Are still out there being what we don't want to be

Are suffering from a shortage of books.

Are too.