Everybody Loves Raymond - Season 4 Edit

A hug?!

A lot of criminals turn themselves in when their wives are like this.

About his usual disgusting behavior,

Actually, Heidi was Swiss.

All right, Dad, all right.

All right, that's it! That's the reason I taped you,

All right, what did I miss?

And all you can think of is, "Oh, she must have PMS.

And before you know it, what used to be a bad mood now

And by the way, the next time I used those clubs,

And God forbid I should mention what might be the problem!

And I don't mean just me.

And I'm not gonna forget either.

And into the hamper. These really work.

And that you wanna, you know,

And then after a couple days of that, you're like,

And then they went to bed yelling and screaming.

And then, you become like me...

And you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?

And you won't even admit what it is,

And... and... and this should take care of all your symptoms.

Anytime I happened to make a comment

Are they dirty, or are they clean?

As to how a hamper works, okay?

Be cool, be cool, be cool.

Because I cannot believe you said that!

Besides, I wouldn't even know what to get.

Big bag of Nemo's takeout.

Bull loney.

But I can't help wondering that maybe part of the reason

But I can't let you go on with this cycle of your father's imbecility.

But you know what?

But your dirty clothes...

But... forget it.

By telling me I have PMS? That doesn't help me, Ray! That doesn't help me!

Come on, comet.

Come on, sit.

Could we put her number on speed dial?

Could you maybe take the clothes out of the dryer?

Debra's not feeling well bio... hormonally.

Debra's right, Raymond.

Did you ever hear yourself?

Didn't want to say anything.

Do you really need a tape recorder?

Don't believe the suicide note.

Don't say one more word, or I'll send your mother

Don't treat me meanly or yell at me like a screaming raving maniac?

Don't worry about it.

Every month the same wacko screaming at me for no reason!

Except for bitchy, right, Ray?

Feeling better?

Fine. I'm sorry. Thanks for the dinner.

First of all, I sounded like Snuffleupagus.

Freakin' mood swings.

Garlic bread.

Get 'em all.

Get out of my chair.

Goes great with ginger ale.

Happy birthday, Ray. Here's your lint!

Has nothing to do with my ladies' days.

Having meltdowns and crying, crying over nothing!

He was so awful during my...

Heidi?

Hello.

Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go.

Here, look at this. Do you see this day? That's today.

Here's a little trick that my boy Raymond taught me.

Hey, banjo pants.

Hey, Ray, these were on top of the hamper.

Hi, Amy.

Hi, are the kids home yet? I've got cookies.

Honey, I think you make some excellent points here,

Honey, listen. It's just that, you know,

Honey, listen. It's just that, you know,

Hope you're in the mood for some delicious Italian.

How come you don't treat me like this on all the other days?

How much was it?

I also picked up some after dinner mints,

I can't believe you.

I cannot take this anymore.

I could answer that, or you could just look in the mirror.

I didn't buy anything. We just walked around for awhile,

I do want to.

I don't care anymore. I tried to be nice and that doesn't work.

I don't know what to do! Show me what to do!

I don't know what to do! Sometimes I just want to smack you!

I don't know. It's just that...

I don't mean to lay into you like that.

I don't want the middle. Gianni, move over to the middle.

I found my golf clubs upside down in the garbage can!

I guess I am a little... you know.

I just thought you'd,

I know I did. I'm sorry.

I know it's not your fault. I understand that.

I know that that's not you.

I know what it's like to hear yourself on tape.

I know. I know. I know.

I love you, Ray.

I love you, Ray.

I mean, she doesn't hear herself.

I mean, there's nothing in here for bitchy.

I need a little understanding.

I need to know that, you know, if I'm going through a rough time,

I really... I want to help you feel better, you know,

I remember when I heard my first radio interview.

I said, "Do I really sound like that?"

I said, "Where's my eggs?"

I shot a 110, so don't think I don't know

I thought she'd never leave.

I told you. I went shopping with Amy.

I treat you just fine, Ray. You're just mad,

I'll just ride it out.

I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad,

I'm leaving, too. I'm gonna talk to your father.

I'm not crying because of what I sound like.

I'm telling you, I'm sick of this, all right?

I'm very into all of that. Let me get the pills.

I've already started dinner. Why didn't you call me ahead of time?

I've told you eight million times,

Iceberg dead ahead.

If he was the bad one.

If he's the bad one. It was Hyde, right?

If I scratch it, it's because it itches!

If there's ever anything wrong, it's PMS, huh?

If they find me chopped up in a freezer,

In the kitchen, huh?

Into the garbage can.

Is Debra aware how she's coming off to others?

Is that how you help me, by taping me,

It's a beautiful shot.

It's a rough time of the month.

It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out

It's headed right for the pin.

It's just that it sounds like you're becoming

It's okay. It's okay. Look, it's for bloating...

It's, uh...

Jeez.

Jekyll would be.

Just a little caring.

Just do me a favor. Don't be like animals. I don't need to...

Just like your father.

Just take care of me.

Just when I think that you can't be any more insensitive,

Ladies' days.

Let me ask you... she's in a bad mood,

Let me have one.

Let's just load her up with drugs."

Let's just say it... use your ladies' days as an excuse

Like a monkey on a cupcake!

Listen, I...

Listen, I'm sorry.

Listen, if I had PMS... and I'm not saying that I have...

Listen, Ray. I'm sorry.

Listen, when the buzzer goes off,

Listen, you want to just try those pills that I got you?

Look at all this lint. What, do you like lint, Ray?

Look what he bought me. Magic pills, huh?

Look, I know a lot of stuff's going on femininally.

Maybe I should try some.

Maybe I'll call Amy. Maybe I'll go to the mall, do some shopping.

Maybe I'll get you some for your birthday.

My needing to get out of here once in a while

Need help? Need any help?

No, I do not.

No, I'm going to the bank, all right?

No, it's got St. Johns worts in it.

No, it's okay.

No, you are!

Not so tough now, right?

Not the clothes you're wearing right now,

Now this is last month.

Now you take your clothes... not your clean clothes,

Of your body while your husband's going,

Oh my God.

Oh, come here, Ray." Pow pow pow!

Oh, crap. Hey, where you going?

Oh, don't even!

Oh, Frank's toenails just crawled right

Oh, God. I know. Me too. Me too.

Oh, got it. The enemy within.

Oh, look, Ray's clothes just flew off the bed

Oh, Mama, Mom, Mom.

Oh, no, he is trying to help. Look what he did.

Oh, nothing. No, take your time, yeah.

Oh, please, come on. Debra, Debra, please.

Oh, sit around talking, relaxing.

Oh, you are so bad.

Oh.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, listen, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

Okay, see what I'm talking about?

Okay, you make a huge mess, you don't help me at all,

Okay?

Okay. All right, bye bye.

Once a month! If what I'm saying isn't true,

Only more Hyde.

Or getting all crazy about clothes on the hamper.

Or hurry back if you want to. It's your choice.

Or when you ask me why I get so upset because I find your underpants

Or when you start snoring at my grandmother's funeral?

Or when you tape a football game

Over our wedding video?!

Peanut butter and jelly. Then I gave 'em a bath

Pretty soon she's gonna get a mood

Probably need a prescription for bitchy.

Ray.

Raymond, have you ever been in a drugstore. Huh?

Raymond, you know that I always let you two fight your own battles,

Right back in here to smack the crap out of you.

Right when the guys went home.

She can stay if she wants. I'm not afraid if she hears this.

She's so funny.

Shopping. For five hours.

So you could hear yourself and maybe admit that

So you think I'm just rude and insensitive?

So, do me a favor, just don't give her a reason...

So, that was my evening, thank you very much.

Step right up and listen to the witch who killed my good time."

Swedish guy? Who taught him how to swing?

Takes over and becomes her only mood.

Tape records her so he has proof that she's a terrible person.

That I'm so tough to live with, and you're the Queen of Sheba?

That isn't just me being a dorkwang or whatever!

That lasts five days.

That you're there for me

That's Hyde.

That's right, Ray. I remember everything,

That's the sickness.

That's what they all do.

That's yelling at my friends for making a mess

The hug was your idea.

The Swedish guy is starting to choke.

Then I'm mean 'cause I won't let them sleep in a tree house

Then if I bring it up to her, she gets all nuts and denies it.

Then it's a week.

Then it's a week.

There might be a problem

There was a comet screaming towards Earth

There's a lid on it, and that lid lifts up.

There's a whole wing dedicated to this problem.

They're dirt... okay, well, then, Ray, let me enlighten you

This is just like you, Ray.

This is the woman shows up once a month to rip into me

This is very nice, Ray. Yeah, this is very nice.

This... this is not Debra.

Three game series is even at one apiece.

To bring me sweet relief.

To treat me rotten every month.

W w what did you do that for?

Wait a minute. Here it is.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wanna hear my evening? I fed the kids dinner.

We'll eat your food.

Well, I've made a salad, and I've cooked the rice,

Well, in case you haven't,

Well, it's pretty hard to hug someone who's trying to kill you!

Well, look, this is not huggable!

Well, that's my evening every night, so...

Well, what do you want me to do?!

Went back to Amy's and just sat around, talking, relaxing.

What a coincidence that on the same day last month

What are you doing, Mom? It's me, Raymie.

What are you talking about? I'm just trying to help.

What are you...

What do you mean?

What, two, three days tops?

What, was that tape for the guys, huh?

What? Hey, come on.

What? I went by and I stopped, and I picked up some dinner.

What? It's just my feet! They're not dirty.

What's a derfwad?

What's she gonna take?

Whatever... whatever... whatever it is, I know it's not you

When you empty the dryer you clean the lint screen!

When you're like this.

Where are your shopping bags?

Where not a day goes by that I don't wish

Where was my tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours

Where was my tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours

Where's my tape recorder, Ray?

Which for your sake I've already dipped into.

While I was out today, I got you something.

Who instead of trying to make life better for his wife,

Who knows? But look, surprise!

Why can't I hit a ball like that?

Why doesn't she just take something for this?

Why don't you just lock me in the attic for a few days?

Why?

Would somebody get me a tape recorder?

Yeah yeah.

Yeah, all right, what am I gonna do, buy her something?

Yeah, all right. Just don't worry about me, all right?

Yeah, got it, got it.

Yeah, I know, but I just want you to know that,

Yeah, it's...

Yeah, no problem. How long you gonna be?

Yeah, right right right right right right.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah, those are dirty.

Yeah, well, it never occurred to you. You've never tried it before!

Yeah, where's my tape recorder, huh?

Yes, a hug. Did you ever think of hugging me, you jerk?!

Yes, there's all these emotions and feelings, but l...

You all right?

You are a gigantic ass!

You are out of your mind.

You didn't put a curse on them.

You dumb bastard.

You get to walk out and do whatever you want and...

You have a good time?

You invite your friends over to drive me crazy all day

You just wanted me to suffer tonight.

You know what I think? That you enjoy your ladies' days,

You know, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing.

You know, no pill is gonna solve everything.

You know, wanna hear what you sound like

You know...

You lift that lid, you insert the clothes and you shut that lid.

You put a stop to this now.

You remain perfectly calm, don't overreact,

You rise to the occasion.

You scared you're gonna hear something you don't like?

You should get her on tape and make her listen to it.

You wanna see? 'Cause I don't care, okay?

You wanna wear a wire? I'll shave you down and hook you up.

You went back for that dress?

You're gonna feel a little man thigh.

You're my girl.

You're so upset right now might possibly be PMS related.

You're the one who said, "Hug me."

You're the one... you're...

4:38 today...

10:32, "gigantic ass."

All right. Oh, man!

And Andy... Oh, would you stop it?

Coaster, Robert. Robert, coaster. What?

he would just blame it on that. That's what Ray does.

Hey, can you move over a little bit? No, take the middle.

Hi. Oh, you're home.

How does that... you like that? Come on!

I just don't know what to do. Yeah. Yeah, no kidding.

I'm out of here. Oh, come on, where you going?

I'm sorry. You smacked me.

Just draw it out for me! How about giving me a hug?

Let me just get 'em. I know, but I just...

Move it already. People, shut up, all of you guys.

No no, it's just for us. Yeah yeah.

Oh, God, you're a mess. I know.

Please, go home. It's not a good time. That's okay.

Pretzel crumbs all over the place. I'm gonna clean those up.

What are you doing? I don't know.

What, what's wrong? Nothing, it's...

What? "Ride it out."

What? Baloney!

What? Yes. It's not fair.

What's so funny? Dumb bastard. He is a dumb bastard.

Will you just sit down? All right,

Yeah, I know that. Any idea what goes on in here?

Yeah. What did you do?

You don't go crazy this time of month? No.

You seem to remember everything. Yeah.

You should be quiet. Yes. Yes.

'cause I deserve to be treated like this. "Look what day it is.

'Cause I really just want you to feel better.

'cause they were covered in peanut butter and jelly.

'cause you had to spend one lousy night with the kids!

"Does this hospital have fudgesicles?"

"Does this hospital have fudgesicles?"

"for bloating, cramps" and right there,

"Hey, come on, fellas,

"irritability associated with PMS." We have a winner.

"Oh, I've been saving that up."

"Oh, sorry, Ray, I was just a little bit... you know."

36 hours, that's not a short time. Yeah, guess what?

36 hours, that's not a short time. Yeah, guess what?