The Simpsons - Season 31 Edit

A charismatic new preacher came to Springfield.

A charismatic new preacher came to Springfield.

A complete and utter waste of time?

A cornhole clinic tonight.

A deep fried rib wich

A demain.

A dog's dominant sense is smell.

A father says to his son, but let's pray.

A fellow Santa could not steal Christmas.

A firewall?

A food truck that takes bets?

A full blown religious revival.

A giant pair of praying hands

A girl learns a lot writing a second grade report

A good ole Spuckler family fish fry.

A good therapist says, "Whatever you do is right"!

A gorilla mysteriously freed from the Springfield Zoo

A g****fruit to go.

A hearty Homer hug. Mm.

A human man.

A jazz brunch!

A jazz brunch!

A ******* carpenter.

A judge wouldn't believe you for a second.

A lifetime's worth of disappointment.

A link to TV's most beloved scientist, Mr. Jim Parsons.

A little late, don't you think?

A little Southern charm to my water.

A lock of hair will do.

A love that isn't mad at us for our doubt

A man who don't know sports,

A mentor is a special kind of teacher.

A mob boss cannot do and let people know.

A monkey is a huge responsibility

A monster ate Carl, but because Carl's inside him,

A month? Oh, no, I can't leave Homer that long.

A month? We've never been apart that long.

A new zoo with more attractive animals.

A philosophical question, so I'll see you at the church.

A planter made from an old typewriter? I'm in heaven.

A prayer without an amen

A rich church usher like you.

A Rockford sock monkey, Studebaker pedal car,

A second ping!

A second ping.

A Simpson.

A tear rolled down my face,

A tiger and a dolphin, I am highly offended.

A tin cup filled with dimes.

A toast to Fat Tony, a man like a Botticelli nude:

A toast to my new life

A toast. I have finally perfected you.

A Torture 500 company.

A two hour long sit down assembly instead of recess.

A very polite hello to you, madam.

A woman can only scoop so much poop.

A year? That's, like, a million years.

A young, inquisitive girl like me.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! I make bad choices.

Aah! This has nothing to do with deejaying!

Aah... Ooh, ooh! Ooh!

About 20 feet.

About going up on your dose?

About how cryptocurrencies work,

About how much cooking she has to do for Thanksgiving.

About my life is Spielberg's biggest movie?

About our special little guy.

About teaching a baby sign language

About the fluffiness of these pancakes.

About the importance of technology based learning?

About the mother bear in the toilet paper ads.

About the science of why they don't exist.

About the... you know, the treachery.

About you guys needing a a youth pastor?

Absolutely no effect upon my...

Acting as the de facto face of the Well and Good brand.

Actual superpowers.

Actually had some brilliance in it.

Actually happens to us.

Actually, 70. I got it in HD.

Actually, cryptocurrency.

Actually, he's the understudy.

Actually, I'm innocent.

Actually, studies show that one and a half

Actually, they're coming in 20 minutes.

Actually, we're in the middle of a holiday brunch, so...

Addison, are you out of your mind?

Addison, can I talk to Addy, my book buddy?

Addison, she's trying to influence you,

Addison? (nervous chuckle)

Address rate of reaction.

Addy, why did you invite me to this party? Just to torture me?

Addy? Hmm, I don't know that friend.

Addy's just a little girl.

Admit it. Our son is gone.

After a lot of soul searching, I've decided to go with...

After all these years, my gut biome is simpatico

After all your passive aggressive replies

After global warming ravaged our world,

After I flew out your uncle from Sicily.

After my parole, I got rich

After three sessions, I figured out it was a goat with glasses.

Afternoon, gernts. You need some suds?

Again, not what you're thinking.

AGENT: Health Department. This is a raid.

Ah ah ah. Except you

Ah, but my curiosity consumes me.

Ah, Lenny, happy birthday.

Ah, man, you are mentoring me hard right now.

Ah, nous allons faire un pique nique.

Ah, now I feel worse than when I came in.

Ah, shin again!

Ah, thank you.

Ah, that's another job I didn't get.

Ah, the multi family vacation.

Ah, uh, I really should write that down.

Ah, we're in Heaven.

Ah, yes. I monitor the core temperature

Ah, yesterday's pizza.

Ah, you must be so proud.

Ah, you work with two guys all your life

Ah!

Ah! My screenplay!

Ah! Toothpick legs!

Ah.

Ah. Promise is a promise.

Ah. Wait. That's the before picture.

Ah...

Ah...

Aha! Mystery solved.

Ahh!

Ahoy hoy! I was in the neighborhood

Ahoy! Are there any lonely lighthouse keepers abaft here?

Aiming for success

Ain't that the truth?

Air quotes are for when something's not a real thing.

Airshot.

Aka infusers, decarboxylators,

Al diavolo rate clock. Get me out of here.

Alexa, play Meditation Jam.

Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio.

ALGORITHM: User rating dangerously low.

ALIEN: Blarg.

ALL (chanting): Choke, choke, choke!

All I ask is that you're nice to them

All I did was wear swim trunks in the shower. (mutters)

All I have to do is look down.

All I hear is "nag, nag, nag."

All I know is, if I don't get ten scooters in under a minute,

All I want is a hug from my mommy

All I want is one peaceful moment

All I wanted was for my friends to be jealous of me.

All my life, I believed in the scientific meth od.

All my posters "Bet on Yourself,"

All of you, bad!

All our sweaty passion and grunting

All right

All right, all right, I'm gonna blow on 'em.

All right, all right. Sorry, Mr. Simpson.

All right, bottled water break.

All right, boy. What did you get suspended for today?

All right, but we've been playing a long time

All right, do me.

All right, go to tablet seven

All right, here's the deal, the movie starts on the logo...

All right, I I'll just, uh...

All right, I think we get it. Grace, it's amazing.

All right, I will show you what I was doing

All right, I'll do it.

All right, I'm gonna get my arm so deep into that catfish hole,

All right, I'm just gonna show you the check.

All right, I'm losing my confidence.

All right, I'm not even gonna dignify that with a "Whaaa?"

All right, it's okay.

All right, Marge. I'll find someone else's body.

All right, next question Hey! Pay attention.

All right, nothing like

All right, now, now, the experiment is not yet complete.

All right, people. This town's got doubloons.

All right, pump the brakes, Jhorts.

All right, Spuckler, you've got helium, which I want.

All right, that's it.

All right, wisenheimer.

All right.

All right.

All right. No one's gonna talk.

All right. Shall we?

All right. You're in the top three.

All righty, three slices, please.

All schools are kid prisons.

All that glitters is not delicious Duff Gold!

All that's left is the merch.

All the awful things I've done.

All these people are co owners? Even Cat Lady?

All these years of mediocre grace.

All this will change, for I have been developing

All this, just to keep spoilers from leaking.

All tongue, no lips.

All we did was take you from your dimension into ours.

All who find Marge's idea tiresome,

All wrong, all wrong, all wrong!

All you can drink beers on me!

All you care about is batteries!

All you guys ever did was love me.

ALL: ¶ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo ¶

ALL: ¶ Daddy shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo ¶

ALL: Amen.

ALL: And also with you

ALL: Aw!

ALL: Blarg. Blarg.

ALL: DJs!

ALL: Good morning.

ALL: Hey, there, Chalmers,

ALL: Hip hip hooray!

ALL: Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!

ALL: Sur... prise.

ALL: The end.

ALL: We can, but we don't want to.

ALL: You clearly can.

Almighty God, I'm not a praying man.

Almighty patron saint of dogs, Saint Bernard...

Almost there. Almost there.

Along with the Catholics, the Anglicans,

Also known as ring o lario on Staten Island,

Also, anyone else smart enough to solve this

Also, I told Marge I was going for a colonoscopy

Also, I was driving around to put Ralphie to sleep.

Also, leg cramp.

Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot,

Also, my face is the intellectual property

Although, actually I am.

Altruism rocks!

Always delivered with a smile and a sense of brotherhood.

Always say "all done" on a hard 17

Always up for some Wookiee nookie

Always what can your dog do for you.

Am I the only one who remembered daylight savings time?

Amazing, Professor!

Amazingly, this next piece is not based on something

Amen.

Amen.

Americans can be fat and poor.

An agenda that looks forward.

An airport pickup during surge pricing?

An algorithm gives us stars.

An And here here's some candy to unwrap.

An audience of 200 livestreams

An empty fairground.

An incredible opportunity from you guys.

An Internet sports talk show!

And 'eventually' may be too late."

And 'eventually' may be too late."

And "'rithmetic" starts with a "A."

And a man I'll identify as Disco S.

And a show by close up magician Abraca Debra.

And a smile from my daddy.

And a spot on Weekend Update on SNL.

And a thousand Kate... Lynns.

And a thousand years old.

And after that, just a lifetime of wearing retainers.

And after that, you're nothing.

And all these magical plans are supposed to lead up to romance.

And all we ask for is your brain when you die.

And am I shallow enough to enjoy this?

And and please don't you forget it.

And any water you turned into holy water

And as for you, Santa's Village is closed, I'm afraid.

And barfing into your own underwear.

And because you liked this lesson,

And believe me, that's where I'm headed.

And best of all, Mr. Burns signed my card.

And better.

And bitter looks, I never would've guessed.

And boom! I'm an intern.

And boy, did he love her.

And breaking into the music industry.

And broccoli.

And by "slice," I mean the first payment

And come together in holy union.

And comfort you when you ride planes.

And complete your end of civilization dioramas.

And crawl in your mummy box,

And cutting edge delivery systems,

And Dad's bathing suit drawstring.

And doesn't chip in?

And don't block the window, sizzle chest.

And don't pirate movies. That hurts everyone.

And don't worry about investing with this guy, Mr. Burns,

And drive as far and fast as you can.

And Duke Ellington, 1962.

And eat that tub of lasagna I have in the refrigerator?

And embrace your destiny as a villain.

And Episcopalians are wrong, wrong, wrong.

And escalate and escalate.

And even our gambling operation is in trouble

And even though I deplore the killing of all animals,

And every exit is guarded by a laser detection system.

And every time I get a pony or make a friend,

And flapjacks will be ready in a few minutes.

And for that simple reason, we are right

And for the first time, I'll be accepted by my peers

And for your information, we are not kissing up.

And FORD. We go further, so you can.

And FORD. We go further, so you can.

And gave me real meds. (laughs)

And get me some pie.

And get ourselves a mess of catfish.

And God sayeth, "Let man have dominion

And goodbye from me, super cool Jim Parsons.

And guess what.

And had lovingly installed by a 99 year old I.M. Pei.

And have a hot dinner waiting for you.

And have no idea what it means.

And he built this house, which your family still owns.

And he didn't even give them to us.

And he has to confront his abuser,

And He made the weeds, too

And he offered me a job, which I turned down.

And he thinks I'm the most valuable worker

And he told me I wouldn't be pretty unless I smiled.

And he was a great parent, I assume.

And he's gonna do it right now.

And he's lost weight.

And her wind chime store burned down.

And here's baby's first music box.

And here's our guarantee to you: no fireworks.

And here's the way after picture.

And here's us on our honeymoon.

And his nose sees so much more than our eyes.

And homeless former Viners,

And Homer hates you more than anything in the world.

And how come, in basketball,

And I ain't no snitch.

And I can't see your disapproving look

And I constantly hear: "How do I get my dog to listen?"

And I don't believe in God anymore.

And I don't eat meat either.

And I don't even want to look at you.

And I don't know what the hell a this is.

And I dress like a cool toddler.

And I got the perfect card.

And I guess

And I had a pretty good idea

And I have trouble making that "cch" sound.

And I just want to say, for the rest of your life,

And I just want to say, rot in Hell, Bible burner.

And I keep track of 'em right here.

And I know the perfect person.

And I like believing this role has not typecast me!

And I love the rides that are dangerous

And I mean ever.

And I must not spill it into the sky.

And I own the truck free and clear

And I ratted you out.

And I realized I have no idea

And I really appreciate the long, healthy walk

And I really don't want to find a new dry cleaner.

And I think this crazy project

And I think you're going to need my help.

And I want you to kiss me.

And I wasn't really sure if I believed in God.

And I will not stand for it.

And I will?!

And I'll need this. This dog is coming with me.

And I'll really miss that $80 grand prize money,

And I'll watch the pets.

And I'm done... with the top braces.

And I'm gonna prove it.

And I'm just back from Michigan.

And I'm like that old idiot who won't leave his beach house.

And I'm like that old idiot who won't leave his beach house.

And I'm not afraid to say the hard things

And I'm not, Wayland.

And I'm super hot.

And I'm taking over this case.

And I'm very happy for you two to be married.

And I'm wearing three sweaters.

And I'm, of course, paraphrasing here

And I've discovered some serious issues with this nuclear plant.

And I've had it.

And if he behaves even a little,

And if there's anything I can do for you...

And if you don't think so,

And if you don't want the movie spoiled,

And in my heartache, I let them bury her with it.

And invite a few select families to join us. (chuckles)

And it gave me the confidence to betray you.

And it got away from me.

And it mutated into a jelly monster.

And it sent us a computer version of her

And it was a great idea to sell weed out of this thing also.

And it was very good."

And it'll break his heart.

And it's 2:00 in the morning.

And it's the Old Man apolis 500,

And it's up to us kids to solve it.

And just did puzzles of Costa Rica?

And killed him.

And lands on a doghouse. Stupid 'Nesto.

And Lehigh comes back with a monster dunk!

And limitless possibilities for enlightenment.

And look what someone in Japan sent back to me.

And make him a body double for Bruce Willis,

And Maxie the elevator man.

And may I just tell you, you've always been my hero.

And maybe I'll get someone to fix your teeth.

And maybe now I can love my lumberjack son.

And me richer.

And me richest.

And me, the smart kid no one gets.

And medicinal hits from a Pikachu bong,

And modern medicine.

And my appeal?

And my blocking face.

And my wife's in love with a female lumberjack.

And never watch the game.

And no attractive young woman declared missing.

And no one else will ever understand why you love her,

And no team will come here.

And no wedding ring.

And not you, Gretchen,

And now for our biggest star, it's lunchtime.

And now for the second slash

And now he is a success.

And now I ain't got two qindarkas to rub together.

And now it's about to happen.

And now that you're on your way,

And now to celebrate, here's Tupac Shakur!

And now to open my paycheck and see what I make.

And now to order my Christmas gifts

And now we have a very special moderator,

And now, an new scene from the CW's Riverdale.

And now, at the spectacular culmination of the parade,

And now, let us show our deep reverence for Jesus

And now, to tell you what you're gonna do.

And one fried pinky in the past week.

And one House Hunters International.

And our only shot at a perfect moment.

And over here is his final pee stain.

And part of that is drinking soda all day.

And Pendleton flannel.

And raucous, and other things.

And read the Bible a little bit closer.

And remain Comic Book Guy.

And Sandra Bullock they're off the hook.

And second, are you mentoring Nelson

And sent us a backup pastor

And she doesn't have a single regret.

And she still is, Roddily Doddily.

And she's not even monetizing it.

And shut the factories down.

And skull splat 'em when they land.

And so I give you

And so is my hair!

And so is my ice cream.

And so the Romans chopped off his head,

And so, after saving Wilbur,

And so, the equation was solved.

And so, today, we celebrate the 200th birthday

And something weird happened.

And soon it'll be a Planet of the Apes.

And spoiled it for everyone else.

And start your own fempire?

And staying within a budget, right?

And stomach filling tales of Thanksgiving terror.

And swiping right on your Uber Venmos.

And taking care of you. I think.

And talk like a ten year old?

And talk like a ten year old?

And tastemakers alive.

And thank you.

And thanks to the puberty app on my phone,

And that loopy loop slide

And that man's name

And that Sea Captain guy. That dude is surprisingly woke.

And that's a the recipe!

And that's called karma.

And that's just in one coffee shop.

And that's our good frisbee.

And that's very healthy, but...

And that's why I've hand picked the perfect team here.

And that's why, if you go to that little town in France,

And that's you!

And that's your face.

And the Bible said, "A child shall lead them."

And the crowd was with him,

And the cycle continues until the only time

And the fog was the ghost of the sea.

And the giant candy canes are not real.

And the ingenuity of crowds will solve it for us by tomorrow,

And the kid working there said my wife would love

And the Lord said,

And the moneyline on Georgetown.

And the rest of your life, you see ads for garbage cans.

And the seats in our car are sticky,

And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel!

And the the monkey!

And the truth is, your parents did love you,

And the vibe.

And the whole floor

And then bet the other 50 on tonight's Lehigh game,

And then I found this.

And then up that...

And then watched Russian dashcam videos all night.

And then we did cognitive computer science.

And then we'll all turn on her and you'll be part of the squad.

And then we'll get our things.

And then we'll have a conversation.

And then you'll love me?

And then, God help me, I...

And there be pirates lurking in every cove.

And there's no stupid Fox halftime show.

And thereby triggering a massive ice age.

And they pulled out his eyes and replaced them

And they thought I was cool,

And this and over there

And this fellow loves to laugh

And this is a picture of us at our wedding.

And this is episode two of Walkoff Homer.

And this is Gimbels Department Store,

And this is how it feels to be irrelevant.

And this is Patrick Ewing Wegman.

And this year she even charged you more

And those two just came here to make out

And thought we might have a drink.

And Trident Spearmint gum.

And uncrammable lockers.

And watch the whole world altruism.

And we are near the marina.

And we didn't even get the picture.

And we said they could crash here

And we used to go down to...

And we'll check out that mermaid over there.

And we're gonna expose you to the world!

And we're gonna have to live in our car,

And we're not coming back.

And what do you need me for?

And what have you done with my family?

And when I fall, I fall hard.

And when one ledger book gets filled up,

And when they steal me, follow them to their lair.

And when they take over, you can't imagine

And who better than with myself?

And why do I hear clicking from this closet?

And winner of a Bass Pro Shops $50 gift card,

And winter comes.

And you bring John "Never Won a Title" Stockton into the mix?!

And you can chew on the guidebook.

And you can only cancel on the app.

And you can walk to shops and restaurants

And you didn't want to lose that.

And you do so much work.

And you exploited that.

And you have a beautiful swan.

And you have to be jealous.

And you humps aren't worthy to swill his backwash.

And you just wiped your mouth with a Hash nap,

And you ruined our plans.

And you think you know 'em.

And you two have gone viral.

And you, Joey Can't Read the Room?

And you, Todd? What would you say?

And you, young man, instead of playing first person shooters,

And you'll feed him dirt for a lifetime.

And you'll have to pick up your own sushi.

And you'll unlock customizable skins.

And you're all my mental projections?

And your number one fan.

And your shoes are so heavy.

And, actually, a Buddhist.

And, Benjamin, no one ever got trampled

And, besides, I'm the one in charge.

And, Bode, tomorrow I have to ask you

And, booyah, up to Ontario for some international flavor.

And, Lisa, for writing it, you win my highest honor,

And, Mom, thank you for sewing these banners.

And, of course, beauty icon Tessa Rose.

And, uh, Midge, I'm, uh...

And, uh, she tested positive

And, uh...

And, yeah, that that's enough.

And?

And? And?

And?! A And?! And?!

Anger needs a take.

Angriest sports show.

Animal control is coming to get him right now.

ANNOUNCER (over speakers): Ladies and gentlemen,

ANNOUNCER 2: And this is where fatigue really sets in, Jim.

ANNOUNCER: And Lehigh's in trouble

ANNOUNCER: But Lehigh takes the lead with a three

ANNOUNCER: But the Crusaders answer

ANNOUNCER: Dog of War coming up fast on the outside...

ANNOUNCER: Foam Lenny on Fox!

ANNOUNCER: Next week on "Warrin' Priests Part Two..."

ANNOUNCER: Next week on The Simpsons.

ANNOUNCER: Smokey Blandings is putting on

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the Grizzly Timbersports

ANNOUNCER: Well, sir, it's fourth down and goal to go.

Another billionaire? How did he make his money?

Another boy? Plus Bart?

Another crafts project gone out of hand?

Another paradise lost.

Answer the question.

Any after school activity,

Any subject... except video games.

Anybody want a slice of pizza

Anyhoo, Jesus answered, and I think it might have gone

Anyone could put one on, I mean, even...

Anyone here who works for Mariah Carey,

Anyone order a ride from Jupiter One?

Anyone who's done anything remotely poor

Anything I can do for you.

Anything worse than a 55% hold

Anything. You just name it.

Apples to apples.

April 12th, very rich man's wedding.

Aquaman himself,

Aquaman is not here for the signing of boobs

Are actually dead.

Are amigos!

Are as outdated as my slingshot.

Are getting an advanced education!

Are growing exponentially.

Are insubordination and a slight breeze.

Are less than ideal.

Are my ears hearing this?

Are the clothes thrown out onto the front yard?

Are the only narrative most of these kids have been exposed to.

Are those new vestments?

Are we gonna do this?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are you enjoying the honeymoon planet?

Are you happy, Willie?

Are you in?

Are you Juan Starnotip?

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding?

Are you questioning a man who travels with extra Bibles

Are you Saint Peter?

Are you serious? You know I'll remember this forever, right?

Are you seriously busting the clangers

Are you sure we should be here?

Are you sure you aren't just attracted

Are you sure you don't want to pray for your dad?

Are you sure?

Are you Terry Bradshaw?

Are you the pain guy or the laugh guy?

Are you upset with Mr. Burns?

Aren't you, fella? Aren't you? Yeah.

Arm wedgie! (shouts)

Arnie Pye is live at the news conference.

Artie only married her because she looks like me.

Artie Ziff? Isn't that the rich guy

Artie, you and your blue crew of Margekateers

Artie, you are the greatest lover ever.

ARTIE: Achm! Achm! Achm!

ARTIE: Jealous?

Artie?

As a child, my only friend was my computer.

As a divergent multipathway assimilator.

As a gag, you're gonna drop a tiny log on my face?

As a last second half court heave

As a nuclear guy.

As a traitor.

As a utopia.

As a woman, I just want to tell your wife

As all barn spiders do (sniffles) in the fall.

As close as the air on your skin.

As for Frink, if I can't break his bank,

As for you, Simpson, Employee of the Month.

As Holy Cross goes on an unanswered 20 point run.

As if Glen Tangier, the Tasmanian Adonis,

As long as I pretend it once had a face.

As long as I see you again.

As long as it doesn't involve kids

As long as we have each other.

As long as you don't pull the pin out.

As machines have taken over, washing our dishes,

As my avatar did the electric shuffle on her corpse.

As powerful as the Frinkcoin.

As public school administrator.

As the final seconds tick awa, Lehigh has this one in the ba!

As the rightful sovereign of Fishtonia?

As the ship's holo science officer,

As the words of St. Paul warm your soul, there.

As we stand here at the corner

As working in a liquor store.

As you so recently put it.

As you will see, I walk into my private space,

Astronaut, sometime taxpayer.

At a Michael Bublé concert.

At a nuclear power plant.

At Jesus's concerts.

At last, someone gets it.

At least she's having fun.

At least there's no stupid...

At least you get to have fun.

At pouring soda than man, but not today!

At that screen addiction rehab center.

At the base of their attack platform

At the entire nuclear plant.

At the new STEM school I founded?

At the nuclear power plant.

At too steep an angle, we'll burn up.

Attention, students!

AUDIENCE: ¶ D'oh! ¶

AUDIENCE: ¶ Day oh! ¶

Auf wiedersehen forever to your old online life.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Facebook accounts cannot be deleted.

Avast there.

Aw

Aw, can we keep him, Dad? Please?

Aw, come on, Marge. This minibar is paid for.

Aw, damn it.

Aw, fine. I'll delete virtual you.

Aw, geez. This again?

Aw, he's asleep.

Aw, her baby head fell out.

Aw, I love you, too, honey.

Aw, isn't that cute?

Aw, it's a shame.

Aw, man, they were teaching her Mandarin.

Aw, poor guy.

Aw, really?

Aw, sir, I don't want to take your money.

Aw, sleeping in church.

Aw, the crummy thing doesn't work.

Aw, what's the matter? Bad head day?

Aw, you're taking all the fun out of it.

Aw! Ooh!

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. At least they're learning art.

Aw. Good girl.

Aw. He's a cute little guy.

Aw. I haven't been this happy in a long time.