Home Movies - Season 2 Edit

A LITTLE TOO MUCH ON YOUR FILMS.

A TEAM?

A TEST OF MORALS, AND YOU KNOW, TODAY,

ABOUT DESTROYING THE HUMAN RACE,

ABOUT THE AREA 51 STUFF AND THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT

AHEM, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

AHEM. YEAH, HEY LOOK,

AHH!

ALECK? I'M NOT ALECK.

ALL PRINCIPLE PHOTOGRAPHY HERE, OK?

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT TWO. TWO TO SELL.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, BRENDON, WHY DO WE DO THIS?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK. OH, THERE THEY ARE.

ALL RIGHT, SO NOW YOU GOT HER

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU AGAIN?

ALL RIGHT, YOU MEET HER SOMEWHERE,

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. YOU FOLLOWING?

ALL THAT STUFF IS TRUE, BRENDON, ALL RIGHT?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN.

All: HELP US!

All: OH, NO! WE'RE IN OUTER SPACE!

Allison: SHE'S WHAT?

Allison: SORRY. SWEETHEART?

Allison: SPEAKING.

Allison: THE TWO OF YOU SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

Allison: WELL, THAT'S TOUGH, ISN'T IT?

Allison: YES. HI.

ALLISON?

AM I IN TROUBLE?

AM THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THIS, OUR COUNTRY.

AN ADDITIONAL TRIP FOR THE MENU

AND BEFORE I FORGET, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME

AND BOUGHT THE TICKETS TO THE OPERA, SEE?

AND FINALLY YOU, THE MERMAID QUEEN.

AND GO FIND OUT HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE.

AND GO ON AND LIVE THEIR GREAT LIVES.

AND HAS WASHINGTON ON THE COVER?

AND HAVE A FANTASTIC EVENING TALKING ABOUT SOCCER.

AND I AM ANNIE OAKLEY!

AND I AM PICASSO!

AND I CAN TYPE, BRENDON, THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE HERE.

AND I FIGURE I CAN MAKE A LITTLE MONEY ON THE SIDE TUTORING YOU.

AND I GUESS I PAINT, TOO. NEXT!

AND I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

AND I MEAN THAT ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS FINISHED

AND I'D LIKE TO START TUTORING YOU AFTER SCHOOL.

AND I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

AND I'LL UNDERSTAND

AND I'M JUST A MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT

AND I'M OLIVER TWIST.

AND I'M STILL EMBARRASSED.

AND I'M STILL WRITING MY MASTERPIECE CALLEDCATS.

AND I'M THE MERMAID QUEEN.

AND IF EVIL COMES, WE'LL BE READY.

AND MAILED IT OFF TO AN EX GIRLFRIEND,

AND MOST OF THE OTHER STUFF YOU TOLD ME NEVER CAME UP.

AND NEITHER DO THE OTHER 4.

AND NOBODY ELSE WOULD BE HEARING IT.

AND NOW I SEEK MY REVENGE ON THE HUMAN RACE.

AND NOW WE'RE BACK.

AND THAT'LL BE ALL. ANYTHING ELSE?

AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE TO HELP US OUT HERE!

AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, HE'D HAVE TO MAKE

AND THEY'RE WILLING TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, OK?

AND TWO SODAS, AND THAT'S IT

AND UH, IT'S... I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVER CHARGED ANYTHING

AND USE THE COUNTRY CLUB FOR A DAY.

AND WE COULD BE HERE ALL DAY.

AND WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING SOMETIME.

AND WE START WITH SHAKESPEARE.

AND WE'LL MEET THEM

AND WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!

AND WE'RE HERE, YOU KNOW?

AND WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE TICKETS,

AND WHO HE IS, YOU KNOW,

AND WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?

AND YOU DON'T STUDY FOR ANY TESTS...

AND YOU GUYS DON'T.

AND YOU, I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOU BEFORE,

AND YOU'LL BE NEXT, OLIVER TWIST.

AND YOU'RE TYPING AT THE TABLE

AND YOURS IS FINE, RIGHT?

AND, I'M SORRY, WHY NOT AFTER?

ANNIE OAKLEY... WHEN YOU...

ANYWAY, YOU HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, RIGHT?

ARE PROBABLY WORKING ON DIFFERENT PROJECTS

ARE YOU JASON?

ARE YOU NOT HAVING FUN?

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

AS LONG AS SHE BELIEVES

AS WE SPEAK.

AS YOU WISH.

AT THE HANDS OF DADDY WARBUCKS,

AY, WOO... HOW ARE YOU?

AYE!

AYE! AYE!

B HOW ARE YOU?

BACK AT YOUR PLACE, RIGHT?

BE THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

BECAUSE I COULD CHARGE IT TO MY ACCOUNT

BECAUSE I HATE DISCUSSING GRADES WITH MR. LYNCH,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SAVE SO MUCH MONEY NOT PAYING FOR YOU TO GO TO FILM SCHOOL.

BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO TODAY.

BECAUSE IF YOU LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE COULD A...

BECAUSE IN A TEST, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

BECAUSE THE REASON I SAY THAT IS

BECAUSE THEY WILL HAVE DONE THAT THINGY.

BECAUSE THIS IS PERSONAL, AND EVERYBODY PROBABLY HEARD THAT.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT PHYSIQUE.

BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN ON IT, NOW YOU'RE COMPLICIT,

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN ON IT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW!

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED SEEING THIS OTHER TUTOR.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'S SLOW AS IT IS

BEING RELATED TO THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

BEYOND A CERTAIN AGE,

BIRD FEEDING SIDE

BORN IN 1492, FREER OF THE SLAVES,

Both: WOE AS PREDICTED IN THE PROPHECY ROCKS.

BRENDON CASE CLOSED.

BRENDON, BRENDON, BRENDON,

BRENDON, HERE, LOOK.

BRENDON, I'M SORRY,

BRENDON, SO WHAT?

BRENDON, STOP. I THINK I GOT IT.

BRENDON, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

BRENDON, WHAT'S GOING ON?

BRENDON, WHY ARE YOU SHAKING?

BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU STUDY?

BRENDON, WHY NOT? IT'S PERFECT.

BRENDON, YOU KNOW,

BRENDON, YOU MIND COMING UP HERE FOR A SECOND?

BRENDON, YOU OK?

BRENDON, YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY

Brendon: APPRECIATE IT.

Brendon: NOT LIKE A SOFTBALL TEAM,

BRENDON?

BRENDON? YES?

BRENDON.

BRENDON...

BRENDON... YEAH?

BRING IN THE HOSTAGES!

BRRR...BRRR...

BUT A SECOND AGO YOU SAID YOU WERE

BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

BUT CALL ME IF YOU THINK OF ANYTHING.

BUT FRIDAY AT 7:00 SOUNDS GREAT.

BUT HAVE EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW WE'D DO IT?

BUT HE'S THE TEACHER.

BUT I ALSO FELT SORRY FOR YOU

BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING

BUT I NO DO NOTHING WRONG,

BUT I THINK THE PROBLEM HERE IS

BUT I TOLD DWAYNE AND THOSE GUYS

BUT I WAS WONDERING

BUT IT'LL MAKE FOR A GOOD SURPRISE ENDING.

BUT IT'S CALLED "HOMEWORK."

BUT LET'S PLAY AROUND JUST A LITTLE.

BUT LISTEN, I'M DYING TO GET TOGETHER WITH YOU.

BUT OH NO, I'M FEELING A LITTLE TIPSY...

BUT OH, NO. I FORGOT THE TICKETS.

BUT OH, NO. I FORGOT THE TICKETS.

BUT TO CHEAT ON YOUR TEST...

BUT WE MIGHT STILL ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY

BUT WHAT IF THEY KILL OFF THE HUMAN RACE?

BUT WHAT?

BUT WRONG.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,

BUT, I CAN DEFINITELY GET YOU IN,

BUT, MOM, I'M GETTING PRESSURED BY MELISSA AND JASON

BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE FAILING.

BY THE THE WAY.

BYE BYE! SEE YOU LATER!

CAN WE GET PIZZA? PERFECT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

CAN YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

CANNONBALL!

CANNONBALL!

Captain: NICE KNOWING YOU, STARBOY.

CHEATING ON YOUR TEST, PAULA?

Child: I HATE OATMEAL.

COME ON.

COME WITH ME.

COMPLIMENT HIM!

CONGRATULATIONS ON LOSING ALL THAT WEIGHT,

CONGRATULATIONS! HA! HA! HA! HA!

CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY.

COULD YOU PUT A TOWEL ON YOUR CHAIR?

COUNTRY CLUB. GETTING KICKED OUT

CYNTHIA.

CYNTHIA. I AM SO SORRY.

DA, DA, DA, DA. LIFE IS A TEST, PAULA.

DETENTION.

DID THE...

DID YOU ENJOY IT? MM...YES.

DID YOU FINISH YOUR OATMEAL?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GET EASILY DISTRACTED?

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND CURRENTLY?

DO YOU HAVE ANY HEAD SHOTS?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO MY FATHER IS?

DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT WAS

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE?

DO YOU LIKE GRILLED CHEESE?

DOES THAT MAKE IS IT NO?

DOES THIS COME AS A SURPRISE TO YOU?

DON'T ANSWER RIGHT NOW. JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

DON'T ANSWER.

DON'T LISTEN, MR. PANTS!

DON'T SPLASH ME, PLEASE.

DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY FROM YOU?

DON'T TREAT US LIKE IDIOTS.

DUE TO PERSONAL FEMALE THINGS.

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, LA CAPITAN DE LA UTRO ESPACIO?

EVERYTHING WENT WELL?

EW. IT LOOKS LIKE IT FELL IN A PUDDLE.

EXACTLY, YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT THE UPPER HAND.

EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU HERE FOR

EXCUSE ME, SIR!

EXCUSE ME. ARE THESE PEOPLE FRIENDS OF YOURS?

FAILED EVERYTHING.

FANTASTIC. YOU WANNA GO OUT TO EAT TONIGHT?

FASTER! FASTER!

FINE WITH ME.

FINE. HOW'S YOURS?

FLORISTS LOVE FLOWERS.

FOR IMPERSONATING A MEMBER.

FOR KILLING OFF THE HUMAN RACE.

FOR MYSELF AND FOR HER,

FOR THE HEARING OF THE THING.

FOR TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE.

FOR WE MUST UPHOLD DEMOCRACY.

FOREMOTHERS, HUH?

FREE FOOD, THE CHARGE ACCOUNT.

FROM THE WINE,

FUNNY, SMART, GOOD LOOKING GO GETTER,

GET THEM, MR. PANTS!

GET THEM, MR. PANTS!

GET THEM!

GET YOUR OWN LEMONADE. I'M BUSY FLYING THE SPACE PLANE.

GETTING KICKED OUT OF THAT CLUB?

GO FORTH AND CONQUER.

GO TO THE COUNTRY CLUB.

GOOD BYE, BRENDON.

GOOD. GOOD.

GOOD. IT WENT WELL.

GREAT! TELL HER WE'RE OUT OF MILK WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

GREAT.

GREAT. FANTASTIC.

GREAT. NICE KNOWING YOU.

GREAT. WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE BEEN A FAT HAG, LIKE ME?

GUESS I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

GUYS, SHUT UP.

HA! HA! HA!

HA! HA! HA! HA!

HAD FUNNY HAIR. YEAH.

HANDS PARALYZED.

HAPPENS TO BE DRY.

HAPPENS TO BELONG TO A COUNTRY CLUB,

HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT?

HE ISN'T?

HE KNOWS MY WEAKNESSES.

HE WAS A BREWER AND A PATRIOT,

HE WAS THE ONE WHO DISCOVERED WASHINGTON STATE?

HE'S EVIL?

HELLO, IS THIS ALLISON?

HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO? ALLISON? HELLO?

HELLO? HEY, MOM. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HELLO.

HELP!

HELP!

HELP! HELP!

HELP! OH, GOD! IT BURNS!

HERE TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN?

HERE WE GO.

HEY MYSELF NOW, IN FRONT OF THEM?

HEY, BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY AT ME FOR, ALL RIGHT?

HEY, HOW DID THE TYPING TEST GO?

HEY, I'LL BE AROUND AFTERWARDS

HEY, IT'S ME, JOHN McGUIRK.

HEY, LET'S NOT COMPLICATE THINGS WITH THE WAITER,

HEY, LOOK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, LOOK. LOOK.

HEY, LORRAINE.

HEY, SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO SOMETHING,

HEY, THANKS A HUNDRED, CAP'N.

HEY, THANKS.

HEY, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

HEY, UH, WHY CAN'T STARBOY

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. HOW DID YOU GET ME TO GET YOU LEMONADE?

HEY, WE'RE CALLING YOUR MOTHER AND THAT'S FINAL.

HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CAP?

HEY, YOURSELF.

HEY! COME ON! LET ME FINISH!

HEY.

HEY.

HEY.

HI, DR. LIEBOWITZ.

HI, TWO GRILLED CHEESES, PLEASE,

HISTORICAL FIGURES.

HMM. NOT SO FOND OF THE EXECUTION OF THE SURPRISE.

HMM...

HMM...

HMM...I THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GET YOU TO FOCUS.

HOLD ON TO THEM, ANNIE OAKLEY.

HOMEWORK.

HOT HOT!

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW DID YOU DO?

HOW'S YOUR TYPING?

HUH, REAL NICE! YEAH, IT IS.

HUH, WELL...

HUH.

HUH. PROBABLY GET HER SOME FLOWERS.

HUH...

I I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.

I ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, MR. LYNCH.

I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON!

I AM NOT A CROOK!

I AM PICASSO!

I AM PREPARED TO HEAR THE THING.

I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT.

I BELIEVE NOW IS THE TIME WE SET ASIDE

I CAN EXPLAIN. I, UH, I LIED.

I CAN'T I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO HER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU.

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR.

I CUT OFF MY EAR WITH A RAZOR IN A MAJOR SHAVING ACCIDENT

I DIDN'T BUILD IT.

I DIDN'T REALIZE SOMEONE WAS ALREADY ON THE LINE.

I DON'T I'M A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTED IN YOU TWO.

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR PARENTS' NAMES.

I DON'T GET IT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO SPEND ALL MY TIME

I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS HE WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT?

I DON'T KNOW, YOU TWO GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T TEST WELL, OK?

I DON'T LIE ALL THE TIME.

I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, BRENDON,

I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THIS.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE ENERGY RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE TO BE TUTORED.

I DON'T THINK THAT COUNTED AS A TEST,

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER THE WAITER AGAIN.

I EVEN WENT THROUGH

I FEEL FAT.

I GOT AN "F"?

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, CHIEF, I'M A WAITER.

I GOT TO ADMIT, BRENDON, I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I GUESS I COULD EAT.

I HAD NO IDEA I LET MYSELF SLIP LIKE THAT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE OPERA IN YEARS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE THING.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T TALK TO ME NEXT.

I HOPE THAT WASN'T A PROBLEM.

I JUST I'M SPEECHLESS.

I JUST DO IT WHEN I FEEL

I JUST DON'T

I JUST MADE UP MY MIND. I'M GONNA DO IT.

I KNOW ABOUT HIM.

I KNOW.

I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I LIKED THE LAST THING YOU DID,

I LIKED WHERE YOU WERE GOING, THOUGH. MAYBE IF IT WERE

I MADE THAT ONE UP.

I MEAN, I'M HERE AND I'M TRYING TO TAKE THIS TEST,

I MEAN, LET'S JUST GO THEN

I SAID PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING.

I SAW IT COMING.

I SAY YOU'RE GOING, AND THAT'S FINAL!

I SEE.

I SHOULD BE MAD AT YOU

I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD GET COOKING ON THAT.

I THINK IT'S ADORABLE.

I THINK THAT'S STILL BAD NEWS.

I THOUGHT I HAD SOMETHING THERE.

I THOUGHT WE MADE DECISIONS TOGETHER.

I THOUGHT WE WORKED ON HISTORY.

I THOUGHT WE'D USE ROCKS.

I THOUGHT YOU...

I WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM, YOU KNOW.

I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD, OK?

I WAS A BODY BUILDER?

I WAS PARALYZED WITH FEAR, THOUGH.

I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS THIS GIRL.

I WILL ADMIT THERE IS A SMALL PROBLEMS WITH THE MULTIPLICATIONS.

I WILL LEAD US INTO THE DEMISE OF ALL HUMANS.

I WONDER IF YOU'RE A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED.

I WOULD HAVE HAD THEY ASKED ME ABOUT IT.

I WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE TESTS ANYMORE,

I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY TEST YOU TOOK YESTERDAY.

I'D LIKE TO RESCHEDULE THE TEST.

I'D RATHER NOT.

I'LL BE HONEST, MR. LYNCH.

I'LL NEED A MOMENT TO PROCESS THIS.

I'LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

I'M I'M SO EXCITED.

I'M A LIAR.

I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

I'M A SOCCER COACH FOR KIDS. THAT'S ALL.

I'M ACTUALLY GREAT.

I'M CONCERNED THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I WAS THINKING,

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SOME TEA.

I'M GOOD. I JUST LEFT MY STUPID BAG HERE.

I'M JUST PICKING IT UP.

I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SOCCER COACH.

I'M LIKE A SEXLESS JOHN GLENN.

I'M NOT EXACTLY FOLLOWING.

I'M NOT LETTING YOU USE YOUR CAMERA FOR TWO WEEKS.

I'M NOT SEEING ANYBODY!

I'M SHAKESPEARE.

I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. HOLD ON.

I'M SORRY, JIM.

I'M SORRY, JOHN, CAN YOU HOLD ON?

I'M SORRY, JOHN, HOLD ON.

I'M SORRY, WHO IS THIS?

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I DID NOT KNOW.

I'M SORT OF CONCERNED, THOUGH, ABOUT YOUR BRAINS.

I'M SUPPOSED TO CALL HER

I'M THE STARBOY?

I'VE BEEN STUDYING THEM FOR A LONG TIME.

I'VE COLLECTED MANY ROCKS. ROCKS!

IF I CAN THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO,

IF I DIDN'T THINK I WAS SMART.

IF I MAKE THEM THE SAME PERSON, WE'VE GOT NO STORY.

IF THEY WERE THE SAME PERSON.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THE DATE,

IF YOU HAVE SOME TIME.

IF YOU JUST STUDIED, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

IF YOU WANT TO CHAT, HMM?

IF YOU WANTED TO MAYBE GO OUT

IN A WAY, BRENDON, I AM A HERO.

IN FACT, I'M A FANTASTIC TYPIST. LISTEN TO THIS.

IN THE NIXON VOICE THAT I TAUGHT YOU.

IN YOUR PLACE, WITH THE GIRL.

IS ANOTHER CHARACTER THAT WE MEET LATER.

IS CYNTHIA THERE?

IS EVERYTHING OK?

IS GOING TO TURN YOUR TWO WORLDS UPSIDE DOWN.

IS INTRODUCE YOU TO MY KILLING MACHINE,

ISN'T THIS GREAT?

IT GIVES US AN IDEA

IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD SOMETIMES.

IT WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING.

IT WILL SHATTER AND SHAKEN

IT'S A CLASSIC.

IT'S A JUNIOR HIGH? HMM...

IT'S A LIFE QUALITY ISSUE, MELISSA.

IT'S ALSO A PORN MOVIE.

IT'S FUN BEING A KID, YOU KNOW?

IT'S IMPORTANT, YOU KNOW

IT'S JUST CLUB POLICY.

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S NOT HYGIENIC TO BE SITTING ON THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT MY FAMILY

IT'S KINDA TOUGH IN THIS TOWN, BRENDON,

IT'S LORRAINE CHRISTENSON. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

IT'S ON THE LABEL.

IT'S ON WASHINGTON STREET?

IT'S PART OF BEING A WOMAN,

IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.

IT'S VERY BIG.

IT'S WHAT I GET

JASON, YOU'RE BEING RUDE.

JOHN McGUIRK, FROM HIGH SCHOOL?

JOHN McGUIRK...

John: OH, MY GOD. SHE'S GORGEOUS.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

JUST NOT WHEN THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S FAIRLY DISTURBING.

JUST USUALLY IT DOESN'T TAKE 1/2 HOUR

KEEP IT GOING.

KEEP YOUR WRISTS STRAIGHT AT ALL TIMES.

LET ME PUT THIS ANOTHER WAY:

LET ME TAKE OVER, JIM.

LET'S GO BACK TO THE HOT DOG FACTORY.

LET'S GO TO THE PARK OR SOMETHING?

LET'S HEAR IT.

LET'S HIT IT.

LIFE IS A TEST.

LIFE IS A TEST.

LIKE A SACK RACE TEAM,

LIKE AS FAR AS LIKE A REPRESENTATIVE?

LIKE CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THAT?

LIKE JIMMY HOFFA?

LIKE WHAT, STARBOY?

LIKE WHAT?

LISTEN TO ME FOR A MINUTE

LISTEN, YOU LITTLE SMART ALECK.

LIVING A HARD LIFE, MY ONLY SALVATION CAME

LOOK KID, WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT A MEMBER.

LOOK, BRENDON, I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO HELP YOU

LOOK, BUDDY, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND

LOOK, DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY, BRENDON.

LOOK, HERE'S AN OLD TRICK, RIGHT?

LOOK, I AM JUST SAYING,

LOOK, I JUST I

LOOK, I WAS EMBARRASSED ABOUT WHO I WAS,

LOOK, LOOK, I GOTTA RUN,

LOOK, LOOK, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE ENTIRE MOVIE YET.

LOOK, THE POINT IS, BRENDON, THIS GIRL, SYLVIA

LOOK, UM, IF YOU WANT TO IMPRESS CYNTHIA, RIGHT,

LOOK, WE'RE BEING WATCHED BY STARBOY

LOOKS LIKE WE WON, EH, STARBOY?

LORRAINE! WHAT?

LOTS OF ROCKS.

LYING TO PEOPLE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

MAN, YOU SURE KNOW A LOT ABOUT WOMEN, COACH.

Man: HELLO?

Man: HI, LISTEN, IF YOU'RE GOING OUT

Man: I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART.

Man: OK. ALLISON?

Man: SO, I GET THE SENSE THAT YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR TIMES TABLES.

Man: WAITER?

MAY I HAVE YOUR TEST THEN?

MAYBE I WILL!

MAYBE IF IT WERE MORE LIKE ABOUT STARBOY

MAYBE WE'RE JUST EXPLORING. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

ME, TOO.

ME, TOO.

MELISSA, I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

Melissa: BRENDON.

Melissa: IT'S REALLY NICE. Brendon: IT'S REALLY NICE.

MEOW?

MEOW.

MM HMM.

MM...HOW DO THEY MAKE HOT DOGS ANYWAY?

MM...YEAH.

MM...YES, GOOD STUFF THERE.

MOM, CAN YOU PASS THE TYPEWRITER, PLEASE?

MOM, THESE GUYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

MORONS, PAULA?

MOST OF THE ACTORS

MOVE AWAY FROM CRAPPY TWO BIT TOWNS LIKE THIS, RIGHT?

MR. PANTS!

MR. PANTS! THERE THEY ARE!

MR. PANTS.

MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU, SIR.

MUCH, MUCH MORE HOMEWORK.

MUST'VE SKIPPED A GENERATION.

MY FALLEN ANGEL, HOW ARE WE

MY GOD, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

MY MOM LOVES FLOWERS, YOU KNOW?

MY MONEY'S ON THEM BEING UP TO SOMETHING, BUT WHAT?

MY PLEASURE.

MY, AREN'T YOU A BIG BOY?

NAH, IT'S PROBABLY FINE.

NO REASON.

NO ROCKS!

NO, LET'S HEAR THE ADDRESS

NO, MORE LIKE WASHINGTON.

NO, NO

NO, NO, I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY,

NO, NO, NO.

NO, NOT NOTHING. SOMETHING. SOMETHING.

NO, YOU GOT I THINK I

NO, YOU IDIOTS! ROCKS!

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT,

NO, YOU KNOW,

NO, YOU WOULDN'T, BECAUSE YOU KNOW ABOUT IT NOW

NO!

NO! I'M TOO YOUNG,

NO? NO.

NO? WELL HOW ABOUT MY MOTHER?

NO.

NO.

NO. I'M SICK OF SWIMMING.

NO. JUST IT'S THIS IS A FANCY CLUB

NO. LOOK, I CAN'T STAY,

NOPE. THERE IT IS AND THERE YOU GO.

NOT A MEMBER YET.

NOT EVEN OUR FOREFATHERS.

NOT NOT A MEMBER? I DON'T

NOT TO WORRY, MY EVIL ONES,

NOT YET 'CAUSE WE'RE TOO CLOSE TO IT.

NOTHING IRREPARABLE HAS HAPPENED HERE.

NOTHING.

NOTHING. JUST SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T,

NOTHING. THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. NOTHING.

NOTHING. WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. WHERE ARE YOU?

NOW YOU KNOW. RIGHT.

NOW YOU'RE SINGLED OUT. SURE.

NOW, GO GET ME A LEMONADE, HUH?

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON?

NOW, WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT ON A TEST?

NOW, WOULDN'T, THEORETICALLY,

OF COURSE.

OF COURSE. THAT'S WHY YOU RESCHEDULE THE OPERA.

OF SPENDING YOUR FAMILY'S MONEY

OF THE ALIENS THAT LANDED ON EARTH.

OF WHAT?

OF WHERE WE CAN PLACE YOU.

OH BOY! OH, LOOK AT THAT!

OH, BOY.

OH, DON'T WORRY, IT'S, YOU KNOW

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD. THANK YOU.

OH, GREAT. I'M GONNA REWIND THE TAPE.

OH, I DIDN'T I'M SORRY.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, I WILL. DEFINITELY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, IS THAT SO?

OH, MAN.

OH, MAN. I FAILED, DIDN'T I?

OH, NO REASON,

OH, NO, BRENDON. I TOLD THEM TO MEET ME HERE.

OH, NO, SEE I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA

OH, NO, WE NEED THE STARBOY

OH, NO!

OH, NO! THEY'RE CONFUSING MR. PANTS WITH COMPLIMENTS!

OH, OH MY GOSH. UH...FEMALE THINGS.

OH, OH, I SEE.

OH, OH.

OH, PAULA, I DON'T TEST WELL.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. YEAH.

OH, RIGHT, WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT.

OH, RIGHT. NO, THAT MAKES SENSE. YEAH.

OH, SEE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

OH, SO, YOU'VE SEEN MY TEST.

OH, THERE IT IS.

OH, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

OH, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

OH, WHERE THE "M"?

OH, WHOOPS.

OH, WHY THE HELL DID I TELL HER

OH, YEAH, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, YEAH? WHO? NIXON.

OH, YEAH. THAT WAS JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

OH, YOU ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, HUH? WHO'S THAT?

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW, HMM?

OH, YOU GUYS ARE HAVING OATMEAL FOR DINNER, HUH?

OH, YOU KNOW, UH...

OH! WE NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT OUR PRISONERS!

OH.

OH...

OH...EHH...

OK, HOLD YOUR HORSES,

OK, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT STARBOY

OK, I THINK WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THIS.

OK, I'M WILLING TO PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE, OK?

OK, LET'S BACK UP A LITTLE.

OK, LOOK, I WANT US TO WORK ON THIS,

OK, LOOK, WE'VE ALREADY SHOT

OK, ME TOO.

OK, OK, LOOK...

OK, ONLY IF I CAN CALL YOURS.

OK, PULL IT TOGETHER, G.W.

OK, SO THEN, TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT WASHINGTON.

OK, UH, THANK YOU THEN, SIR.

OK, WHOA, STOP. STOP.

OK!

OK! I GOT YOU!

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. I WILL. OK.

OK. WELL, THAT'S FINE.

OK. YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER?

OK...OK, SO WE'RE KILLING THE HOSTAGES?

ON A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.

ON MY THING, THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

ON THAT, WHAT I THINK IS YES, AS IN CORRECT.

ON THOSE GRADES OF MINE?

ON WHAT DO I THINK? YES.

ON WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ON WHAT? ON WHAT?

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

ONE SECOND.

ONE WORD PINECONE BIRD FEEDER.

ONLY CARE ABOUT TYPING,

OR IN YOUR CASE PROBABLY BEER.

OR TWO PERSON, LIKE PING PONG.

OR YOUR PARENTS. OR GOD.

PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING.

PARDON ME, MR. PANTS.

PARTICULARLY MY GRADES.

Picasso: EVIL GEORGE WASHINGTON...

PLEASE DON'T KILL THE MERMAID QUEEN!

PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MR. PANTS!

PLEASE, MY EVIL FRIENDS, ONE MOMENT.

PLEASE.

POOH!

PRETTY BIG, HUH?

PROBABLY WHY THEY FAILED YOU, YOU KNOW?

QUICKLY, CAPTAIN, UNTIE THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

REAL NICE. I'M NOT THE SLOW ONE.

REALLY? COULD YOU TELL 'EM I'M BUSY OR SOMETHING?

REALLY? I THOUGHT UM, HMM...REALLY?

REMEMBER THOSE THINGS WITH THE COVER LIKE ON THEM?

REVENGE! THE TIME IS NOW!

RIGHT NOW, I'M ROUTING THE JEFFERSON'S FACE FLAME TOWARDS EARTH.

RIGHT O, STARBOY.

RIGHT, WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT?

RIGHT? OR THE GOVERNMENT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT. ALL RIGHT?

RIGHT. AND HAVE GREAT SUCCESS.

RIGHT. FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT.

RIGHT. WE FORGOT. WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM.

ROCKS!

SAVE US!

Second Child: MOM, CATHY'S PUTTING THE OATMEAL DOWN THE SINK.

SEE, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME NOW?

SEE, I DON'T KNOW.

SEE, I LIKE THE IDEA

SEE, MOM, YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME

SEE, THIS IS ALL YOU'VE SEEN SO FAR, SO...

SHE BE DISAPPOINTED?

SHE'S TOO FAR GONE.

SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER I WAS FAT.

SHUT UP!