Get a Life - Season 1 Edit

A light show

Admirable qualities.

All of greenville is out there

All right, gladys, that ought to do it. let's go.

All right.

Almost bordering on dimwitted.

Although, uh, given the opportunity,

And all along you had a secret job as a janitor

And an occasional light show.

And anesthesiologists,

And audition anyway.

And criticizing and ridiculing another person,

And for the record,

And here's our first proclamation.

And i can only pray that you do not gong me.

And i think i speak for sharon,

And now, as a little bonus,

And now, we shall rule the animal kingdom together,

And pessimists,

And there were no geese allowed.

And threw candy at them.

And would never strike a lady.

And you.

And..

Are you insane?

As man and wife.

Because she was queen ape of the theater company,

Brace yourself.

But from their souls.

But i may very well come back as chris,

But i was just informed that your pianist

But i would like to make one thing perfectly clear, however.

But i'm gonna land a role in this play.

But not necessary."

But the goose decided to ignore the ugly ape,

But, hey, i know something that'll make you happy.

But, oh, what a magical day it would be

Cackle all you like, margaret hamilton,

Chris peterson absolutely embodies

Chris,

Chris,

Chris,

Chris, i..

Chris, sometimes i get..

Chris, why this show?

Chris?

Chris.

Chris.

Clap kids.

Clear somethin' up for me, gladys

Clear the air and... and not let a silly misunderstanding

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Dad, zoo animals on wheels was the toast of broadway.

Danced around, and sang songs?

Disco music,

Do you know what that does for an audience?

Doesn't have the sheet music to dream weaver.

Doesn't mean she hates him.

Doing this play

Don't be a fool.

Don't be sad, wise old, jellicle hippo.

Don't you feel just a little insulted,

Everybody, come on.

Everyone dance.

Exactly.

Excuse me, miss.

Fine. have it your way.

First, i have one last important question.

For all the money in the ocean.

For fat, balding, amateur types.

For god's sake, look at him, william.

For i have a date with her royal highness,

For we are all free.

For you have just insulted my future

For your information, ass,

Fred, sit down.

Fred.

Free to roller skate.

Free to sing, free to frolic,

From this day forward,

Give me a second. excuse me. ahem.

Gladys, is it actually medically possible to die of embarrassment?

Guess what, sharon? i had a sub for lunch.

Has anyone seen chris?

Has been the most wonderful experience of my life.

Has the role that you should play?

He actually quit.

He overheard these 2 magpies trashing him and he ran off.

He's an airhead.

He's an embarrassment.

He's an enigma.

He's exactly what i'm looking for.

He's perfect.

He's turning a fine piece of theater into something silly and ridiculous.

Here, i thought you were just a normal housewife,

Here, let me give you a little hint. ok

Hi, sharon. hi.

Honey? where are you?

How did you find me?

How i wish i had a little feedback on that.

Huh?

I am at a loss for words.

I better get going.

I came after you because i think it's high time i recognized your many

I can't believe it.

I can't say that, chris. please don't make me.

I don't care what it takes,

I don't remember the word "fat" being in the script.

I don't think i can keep this moment to myself.

I feel like cinderella,

I guess i belong in a doghouse.

I guess the only thing left for us to do

I guess you've kissed enough wildebeest butt for one night.

I happen to be head chairperson of the greenville players.

I have some last minute instructions for him

I haven't witnessed this much stage presence in a performer,

I just have the urge to perform on stage in an animal costume.

I know you're dying of thirst and this village has no water,

I mean, if you put him in this production, they'll shut us down,

I think we both felt, uh, peculiar stirrings, you know where.

I think you both are a couple of class "a" number one bitches.

I wonder how good an actor i am.

I would just like to say that,

I... i guess, could it be that you guys were just, uh,

I... i leave that in your capable hands, my dear director.

I... i was prepared to come out here

I'd like to throw a rock at her.

I'll bet the old man never gave you one like that, huh?

I'll come back.

I'll give you a million bucks, just shoot me.

I'll tell you what happened.

I'm a little smashed.

I'm also lead actress in this production.

I'm extremely good,

I'm gonna dance for you.

I'm here to audition..

I'm not interested in acting, ma.

If i complain, the whole cast would think i was a class "a" number one bitch.

If these confined beasts could leap from their cages,

If you know what i mean.

In more ways than i care to go into.

In this worthless, 2 bit, hick town again.

Insults their intelligence?

Is an important, adult social skill.

Is kiss each other.

It is done

It makes them feel happy and alive.

It sounds a little...

It was andrew todd keller's masterpiece.

It's showtime, folks.

It's... it's comforting to know that fairy tale endings can indeed come true.

Jason, how can you stand being peterson's understudy?

Jea... lous.

Jealous. absolutely.

Kind of like a mountain dew commercial.

Kisses sharon, her royal highness, lady stripes.

Ladies and gentlemen, hi. can i have your attention for one moment, please?

Lady stripes.

Let's get out of here while he's distracted

Like they do freak shows in the south.

Linda blair couldn't have done it better herself.

Lo lo lo...

Mainly because i forged a relationship,

Miss sharon potter. sharon, come out here.

Missy.

Mom, dad, i'm walking out of here as chris,

Mom, dad, listen to this.

Move it, sealy.

My god, are you an attractive man.

My god, you're psychic.

My, how lovely. it's like a little retreat.

Named sharon

Next up, uh, chris peterson.

Nice job, sharon.

No more cages,

No more zoos,

No one shall mock the fat, kindly wildebeest.

No. it uplifts them.

Now,

Now, just because a person goes through her life loathing

Now, william,

Obviously, our dear director has a thing

Oh, be gone, servants.

Oh, do you think he'll be all right?

Oh, god.

Oh, i think you've been breathing too much newspaper ink, chris.

Oh, i'd just like to thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Oh, my god, i'm in shock

Oh, my, suddenly we're very quiet, aren't we?

Oh, pardon me. excuse me, hairy mutt.

Oh, sorry. i screwed up the 2nd verse.

Oh, there is a god.

Oh, your highness,

Oh. oh, sir.

Ok, fine. i'll just stay here then.

Ok, gladys, now's our chance.

Ok, go ahead. name 'em.

Ok, honey. hit it.

On his way to the audition,

Once upon a time, in a small midwestern village,

Only roller skates,

Or i'll see to it that you never work

Out of my way, you meddling guardsmen,

Over my dead body

Pretending to enjoy something you actually didn't,

Prince.

Regarding the scene where he wrestles the evil monkey.

Regardless of what caused peterson's departure,

Rehearsals begin tomorrow at noon.

Ruin our friendship.

See you then.

Sharon told the goose that he couldn't appear in the play,

Sharon,

Sharon, i wouldn't appear on the same stage with you

Sharon? chris.

Shh.

Shoot me, gladys.

Silence. silence, you wretched hyenas.

Since i played a dog in the show,

Since i saw redd foxx at the tropicana.

Since the beginning of time,

So the next 350 performances are going to be kind of interesting,

So what would that be? the role of the town whore?

So, here you are.

So, zoo animals, rejoice,

Someone i can shape and sculpt.

Someone who's naive and innocent,

Sometimes i get the impression that you think i don't like you.

Sometimes, it means just the opposite

Stop, mr. peterson.

Stupid

Sweetheart. where are you, sugar?

Thank you very much, police chief shaffer, very stirring.

Thank you, thank you. and i shan't let you down.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That a hideous, untalented moron

That despite our steamy, passionate love scene during the play,

That is so funny a thought. i think we shall laugh now.

That their love is conveyed not only from their lips,

That's quite all right.

That's right, a light show with disco music.

The concept is pure genius.

The funny thing is that my fable has no ending.

The goose met up with an evil, ugly ape

The guy who has a small part in a local musical.

The man's unique.

The total spirit of zoo animals on wheels.

The very lovely, the very talented,

Then all that stuff you and jason were saying,

There lived a young handsome goose,

There's a difference you know.

This is the guy i was telling you about

This pivotal scene where chris, the sickly wildebeest,

Uh, offstage sharon and i do not jump each other's bones.

Uh...

Um, can you tell me where the auditions are being held for the zoo...

Um, so instead, i thought i'd recite to you a little fable,

We must believe

We probably could because, during our now legendary kiss,

We should feel lucky that we have jason to take his place.

Well,

Well, here i am. where i belong, in my new home.

Well, i didn't know you were interested in acting, dear.

Well, i don't feel very lucky, you wench.

Well, i'm not kreskin, but i think it means

Well, it wasn't hard. i just followed the gobs of make up.

What a handsome man you are.

What about jason? he's been our male lead for the last 10 years.

What are you doing? ordering some more urinal pads?

What can i do, shar?

What did i tell you? is he pathetic or what?

What the hell are you doing here anyway?

What would it be like if zoo animals put on roller skates,

What's the one thing all zoo animals love when they're sad?

What's the word i'm looking for?

Which one of these dogs has gas?

While we humans, stared, pointed,

Who wanted desperately to be in a local production of a hit musical.

Why, thank you, chris.

Wildebeest, skunk, dingo, what's the difference? they're all in the dog family.

With my leading lady,

Wow.

Yeah, i think that's how it works on the planet venus

Yeah, the guy in the llama suit will back him up.

Yes

You actually ended up doing quite well yourself.

You either get chris back right now,

You have just landed the male lead in our production of

You know what that means?

You know, he'll probably have to stand trial for killing the play.

You know, i... i think that we should

You know, in a world full of cynics,

You know, sharon,

You lousy bastard. i'll kill you.

You play a wildebeest in the show.

You think about that for a while, ok?

You? a poor, homely wildebeest have a date with lady stripes.

You? audition for a place in my theater group?

You're a fabulous actor. you're the best thing in the play.

You're looking at our male lead.

You're lucky i'm a gentleman,

You're on the verge of embarrassing us

Zoo animals have sat patiently in their cages,

Zoo animals on wheels.

5 simple words, sharon.

"for their upcoming production of the musical, zoo animals on wheels.

"prior singing, acting, and dancing experience a plus,

"the greenville community theater will be holding auditions today