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Home > Seinfeld - Season 2
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A big dinner with dessert, but I got till the end of the month.
Afraid the boss is gonna catch this on TV and go:
All right. You're up there
Am I being entertained? I don't understand this.
And it's always about Jeffrey, right?
And then the verbal hellos stopped...
And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.
And you start to fantasize. You know, you think:
And your adenoids are swollen too.
Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other in the street...
Better that she should sleep with someone else?
Books, books, I need my books.
But eventually, you have to come back with:
But I went to the funeral.
But we know that in the future, traffic will get even worse than that.
Cleveland, 1 1 7. San Antonio, 1 09.
Come on, let's go.
Come on! Come on! Help me look!
Come on.
Cops, I don't even care about cops.
Dad thinks George is gay.
Dark hair, striped shirt.
Did Gandhi get this crazy?
Do I have to break up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone?
Do I want someone looking at me like this for the rest of my life?
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Are you gonna be very long?
Explain to me how this baby shower thing works.
From next door. Never mind where I am.
Get this, I got it all on video.
God, I've never felt so alive.
Good night
Harold and Manny.
He cleaned out the bottom of the little egg cups.
He knows the whole history of the park.
He loves Rava.
He would never actually tell me anything like that.
He's like a clam. You're not gonna mention this to him...?
Hey, is anybody listening?!
Hey, that was really fun, George. Can we go home now?
Hey, you wanna get back behind the barricades?
Hi, remember me?
Hi, Stan. Joanne. Come in.
I always wonder in that era if they would get 30 storytellers together...
I can't remember the last time that happened
I can't remember.
I didn't want to meet them. I kept trying to avoid it.
I don't have a dress to wear. And, you, you don't have anything
I don't know how to thank you!
I don't know if that's the kind of man..
I don't know if you people are aware of this...
I don't know what to do
I don't know where you're getting this from.
I don't know. They've been in there since, like, World War II
I don't want coffee.
I get to the top of the wall, the front door...
I had a heart attack this big...
I have other stuff
I hope you think about what you've done here today.
I just came to say goodbye.
I just can't believe the way people are.
I just don't see how it could occur.
I just like to have a few drinks...
I knew it would only get me in deeper
I like this person.
I mean, the whole thing was taken out of context. It was a joke.
I once broke up with a guy because he didn't keep his bathroom clean
I shouldn't be doing this.
I swallowed a fly!
I take one last look around the penitentiary, and I jump!
I tell you, it's one thing after another.
I think you're afraid to sit next to a man.
I told you 10 times
I took her home one night. We started up a little in the car.
I try one more call
I want a big sponge!
I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything.
I work for the director of Madison Square Garden.
I wouldn't say all the time
I... I want you to come back.
I'll eat anywhere, whatever they're having.
I'll have to stick my chin on top of the seat.
I'm afraid not.
I'm an eggplant! I'm a vegetable!
I'm done! Through! It's over!
I'm gone! Finished! Over!
I'm not paying $400. I don't even want the thing.
I'm sure at that time in Poland, they were common. They were...
I've been up there six times. They refuse to stop.
I've said this. In other words, it means, supposedly...
If there's anything you can do to get us a table...
In 1946, I went to work for Harry Flemming...
In fact, I'm glad you're here, you know.
In fact, it's probably only a matter of time..
Is it just me?
Is this the best lane for me, for my life?
It could be dangerous, sexually. Something could happen.
It was the pride of Cracow.
It's a can of soda.
It's just so much fluff
It's the championship
Jeffrey's taking the apartment
Jerk off.
Just ruin it
Just to dump chocolate on my shirt, and then dump me altogether?
Kill me now. I'm begging you.
Kramer owes thousands of dollars in back tickets
Kramer, please. Donna.
Listen, why don't you shower up..
Look, Ray, you were the only person in my house.
Magnificent facilities.
Maybe she's there in spirit
Me, dead.
No airline goes, Well, you missed the flight. We do have a cannon...
No one can do it. It can't be done.
No, I'm all right. I was just a little bored there.
No, no, no. I pay what I say.
No, no.
No. Oh, hi
Now I'm in the worst position of all
Now we're running after these doves
Oh, for God's sake
Oh, I'll see you tomorrow morning.
Oh, I'm gonna faint.
Oh, nothing important.
Oh, that's okay
Oh, well, of course, 1973.
Okay, but there's no cake or anything, if that's what you're looking for
Okay, I don't wanna go over there and do it...
Okay. The signal is...
Or, in medical terms, the glossa.
Perhaps we can take comfort in the knowledge...
Plan 9 from Outer Space.
Polite nodding.
Ray is insatiable.
Really, gentlemen, please.
Really? That guy who stopped saying hello?
Right above me.
Same thing happened in The Blob.
See? Never as bad as you imagine.
Seriously, do you wanna switch chairs?
She asked me out first. She called me up
She didn't know if I was trying to get in touch.
She made me fly from Florida for this, and then she criticizes my jacket.
She was aiming at me, like she was putting out a fire.
Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?
Sitting is good if you faint...
So fine, I figure, that's where this relationship is finally gonna settle.
So it must have been 95 degrees that night...
So we're wandering around, trying to get a cab..
So, what about that?
So, what did you do?
Something's going on here.
Sounds nice. Doesn't really work on that Charles Bronson kind of level.
Still looking.
Take it easy
Take it easy!
That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore!
That's not necessary.
That's the bet.
That's two long distance calls I've made to you. Why can't you...?
The other thing is, if you don't like anything...
The whole thing is suede. I can't have this cleaned. It's all I got
Then I got off the phone right away.
Then one day..
There's a woman over there looks really familiar.
There's no Rubber Man.
They finally call you.
They invited you again. I think you should go.
They're intimidating because they are fathers
They're my books.
This is an unexpected surprise. And delight.
This is gonna require some great acting now.
Two o'clock, Wednesday
Wait. Wait. He's in the bathroom.
We didn't bet on if you wanted to do it...
We had a funny guy with us in Korea.
We need you. You're hitting everything
We're in my apartment, I'm on the couch, she's on the chair.
We're just a couple of users. We never sold the stuff.
Well, an overnight stay in a hospital, minor surgery, I don't know...
Well, I didn't really mean a pony per se.
Well, I've been looking for a better place.
Well, what should I do, Kramer?
Well, why ponies? What are we doing with them?
What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were fired.
What can happen?
What do you care? You got 5000. Give her 5000!
What is he worried about?
What is that song?
What's her husband's name again? Chip?
What's her number?
What's with you?
Whenever he has a problem with a high powered big shot...
Where do you come up with this stuff?
Who am I kidding? I can't do this! I can't do this!
Whoa, Nelson
Why do people do that?
Why don't you make a point with your own doctor?
Yeah they're so funny and so comfortable with each other
Yeah, Fine. Right there, hold it right there
Yeah, I could do it. I don't wanna do it.
Yeah, well, this time... This time you're wrong.
Yeah. I think it is
Yeah. Take it easy
Yes, yes, that's it. Nobody answered
Yes. I just got a call.
You and Jerry, you're jealous of our love. You're trying to destroy us.
You are such a wuss.
You are the queen of confrontation.
You can do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm.
You don't think I killed her?
You don't want them doing anything..
You get mad at somebody on a real phone:
You invite me up for coffee, and then you don't call me back for four days?
You know, the spirit world
You know...
You pretend you read it, but you're really looking at other people
You see?
You should come see me on the weekend
You're in touch with a lot of cosmic kind of things.
You're serious, aren't you? Oh, you see..
Pull over? You want a piece of me? Yeah!
Alton Benes is your father? Yeah.
Come on, I'll even bet you. Seriously?
Did you get a haircut? Nope. Shower.
Does George know? No. He'd go nuts