The Office - Season 9 Edit

A 43 foot Tartan sloop.

A Andy, you know I can't do that.

A baby what? A human?

A ballet dancer in real life.

A bam!

A beautiful family.

A beer sounds incredible right now.

A beloved public servant and his devoted wife.

A bit of a "boy who cried wolf" dynamic with David Wallace.

A blooper reel? What is this, 2005?

A bridge a burnt.

A camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt,

A conversation with me about what's fair, okay?

A customer service rep that sits in the annex

A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify

A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it.

A delivery guy will deliver a box of pens,

A dozen different pies? 'Cause that means rhubarb.

A fake language.

A few feathers, because for a long time

A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters.

A great boss and a great job,

A handsome eyebrow, but, um...

A high school musical here on your resume?

A kind of major intimate detail.

A lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat.

A letter from Robert Dunder.

A lightbulb.

A list of all your clients, or just the leads

A little bit here, a little bit there.

A little ironic

A little raw

A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you.

A lot of telemarketing.

A lot of these are dead accounts.

A man's signature solo is his for life.

A mural.

A party at our house.

A plantation in the South?

A pudgy 22 year old is trying to take my job

A real buddy...

A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken.

A strongman crushed a turtle.

A thing of soup.

A thing of soup.

A ton of people in there.

A ton of things can happen in that amount of time,

A wheel is supposed to spin.

A wheel wants to spin, Pam.

A whole concert of that.

A whopping $8 to Lipton for America

A Willing Ignorance by Fanny Schrute.

A work bus

A work space is just a phone call away.

A YouTube video of animals doing it,

A, quote, "sausage factory."

A.K.A. Clarkwork Orange.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us.

Aah! My brain is ping ponging around in my head right now.

Aah! Ow!

About fingerprinting.

About her body, all right?

About how evil and unfit to be a mother she is,

About how many pets are too many for a studio.

About local business issues?

About my rectangle holding skills after all.

About not wanting to move to Philly,

About one of the shirts I packed.

About peoples' long absence from their place of work.

About that pair of motorcycle boots you've never even worn.

About the full range of the products that we offer

About the job opportunity in the shower.

About the little metal bottle.

About the pens.

About this off with you!

About this Scranton strangler.

About what people have heard before, my son.

About what was done? By you?

About your relationship with the Senator?

Above and beyond. World's greatest.

Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways

Absolutely, I do.

Absolutely, I know exactly what they want to hear.

Absolutely, I will.

Accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone.

According to people on this site who have a brain.

Achieve the fame and immortality that you seek?

Actor?

Actually, Andy, we call this one

Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes

Actually, do you want me to come down

Actually, he doesn't say that there.

Actually, I was doing this,

Actually, I'm the electoral college.

Actually, it's pronounced espresso.

Actually, maybe we should go on a double date sometime.

Actually, that goes to all you double XLs.

Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti.

Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob

Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this,

Actually, we are just friends.

Actually, we're not gonna make it.

Actually... you look great.

Adam's apple like the prow of a ship.

Added some sentences at the end.

Admirable.

Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy

After he comes to your recital.

After I left the army,

After you.

After you've already eaten ten sandwiches.

Again, he'll be calling in any second.

Again, the food was very good.

Again.

Again. [Chuckles]

Agh! Damn it!

Ah ha ha! Philly!

Ah, French.

Ah, ha, ha! The jig is up, psychopath!

Ah, how'd that happen? God.

Ah, humor. I have it too.

Ah, that goof.

Ah, the Bruegger family. Welcome.

Ah, there's my popcorn. Can you just grab that for me?

Ah, yes!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! So good!

Ah.

Ah. Definitely blue.

Ah. So this is what 2:00 PM looks like around here.

Ah. That's not good.

Aha!

Ahh, I love staring off in one direction.

Ahh! Whoo!

Ain't that right, professor lecture much?

Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper.

AKA the alleged Scranton strangler,

Alakazam.

Alexander the Great, if he were Cockney.

Alice!

Alice.

All because I had lice when I was seven.

All having this wonderful Halloween gathering.

All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing.

All I'm saying is, forget about my chair.

All in!

All in.

All my clients sit.

All of the lying, none of the sexual charisma.

All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.

All over the living room.

All right then, Jim.

All right, Alan Olifson from North Dakota.

All right, all right, gang.

All right, all right, just stay focused on the pill

All right, but it's getting gooier, so we'll just do it later.

All right, check it out, huh?

All right, everybody. Great season of softball,

All right, good. Yeah, just sell it

All right, guys, there's a lot of assets here

All right, guys. Cast us off.

All right, I'll stay!

All right, I'm being a jerk.

All right, I'm calling this.

All right, if I have to be the good wife,

All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow

All right, Jim, look. I just got made junior salesman.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

All right, let me show you how a real man

All right, let's get this over with.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's see you do it

All right, pencils down, everyone we've got lice.

All right, put your dukes up, Beesly.

All right, so tell me all about it.

All right, so what makes you think you'd be a good fit here?

All right, that's enough,

All right, then

All right, then it's settled.

All right, then no bottoms.

All right, this next one goes to Darryl

All right, welcome aboard

All right, well, look, while I have you,

All right, what are we talking?

All right, what's the grand total?

All right, who's next? Darryl.

All right, who's next? Nellie.

All right, wish me luck?

All right, you don't have to.

All right, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again.

All right, you know what, this is completely unnecessary.

All right!

All right! The fat people have spoken.

All right? I have masculinity issues

All right? So just

All right? That's more than plenty.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. [Snaps] Back to work.

All right. Everyone.

All right. Great.

All right. I get it.

All right. I think that went well.

All right. Phyllis!

All right. Stay awake, okay?

All right. Take care of my wife.

All right. Thank you very much.

All right. Uh, all right.

All right. We're going down to my warehouse.

All right. Where were we?

All right. You can go. Give him his gum.

All right. You know what?

All right...

All she talks about is chores.

All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow.

All they did was save me some gas.

All we can do is sit and wait.

All your friends are weirdos and freaks.

All: ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, no, you ain't ♪

All: ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ You think you're better? ♪

All: Fail, fail, fail. You're all failing right now.

All: Pies. Okay, fine.

All: Wow! Woo!

All: [Chanting] Next stop, pies, next stop, pies!

All: [Chanting] Next stop, pies, next stop, pies!

All: [Murmuring] Roll call.

All: ♪ Roll call ♪

All: ♪ Shabooya roll call, shabooya ya ya ♪

All: No!

All: Oh!

All: One, two, three.

All: Pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie!

All: Pies, pies, pies, pies, pies, pies.

All: Shh!

All: The warehouse.

All: We all drink them all.

Allergies.

Almost there. Almost there.

Alone with the money.

Alpha male, go buy your wife a pie.

Already on it.

Also helps me combat the glare bear.

Also the first time I've ever been excited about work,

Also used to sterilize medical instruments.

Also, you want to respect their...

Always say that a child is placed for adoption,

Always with the friends, Oscar

Am I crazy?

Am I right?

Am I the only one who wants to try

Am I to understand there's a beehive in the wall?

An account this size could double our growth.

An Altima or better.

An Earl Grey tea for the lady.

An emotional roller coaster.

An independently wealthy cute couple

An X.

And

And and I

And and nothing is worth that.

And and you look great in the promos.

And "four eyes" and "sci fi nerd" and "girl puncher,"

And a family owned motorcycle store.

And a haircut like a lady.

And a high pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose.

And a little bit your penis.

And a pack of Kools.

And act like it doesn't freak him out.

And adelph, meaning "Adolf."

And all the rest of you haters out there,

And all the while running behind your back

And all was good in Scranton, P.A., that day.

And also moved to Ohio,

And also you suck.

And Andy still doesn't know.

And Andy was a terrible lover to Erin.

And Angela doesn't even know.

And are all the snacks complimentary?

And as you know, I was a paper salesman.

And awkward and cruel to me, then great,

And Bandit Two and Pawlick Baggins

And be cool in front of me and Val.

And be my counterweight

And begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday.

And begin.

And believe me, I am too.

And between our backers and our own investment,

And bought the winning numbers the next day,

And cascading turns of phrase.

And completely alone.

And cut. We can fix the sound in post.

And deal with it, and I did.

And defiling your marriage and seducing your husband.

And destroying it will not stop them from dating.

And did you show them the market yeah.

And died quietly from a heart attack?

And disarm now!

And do lunges across the farm.

And do you have any idea how easy it is

And don't lie. I can tell if you're lying.

And don't wear the blue striped shirt.

And drive, man. But...

And Dwight is too chip to hire a replacement.

And enjoys his job.

And every time I click, there's more.

And everybody knows it.

And everything changes.

And everything to gain from you leaving.

And expect to get away with it.

And Filipino.

And finds the... fake grail?

And for oh, whoopsie daisy. [Chuckles]

And forget everything you thought you knew

And get a good night's sleep.

And get the best price you can, okay?

And go tell him to go screw himself?

And go to a kid's party, let them throw pies at ya?

And good for you, Dwight.

And guess what, kids.

And guess what?

And has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?

And has no clue what anybody's doing.

And has taken a mailman hostage.

And have all those memories?

And he acts like a Beesly.

And he asked me to gather everyone

And he got caught "saving treats"

And he has a ponytail? Ew.

And he hit on me in the mall.

And he is the man.

And he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.

And he said I could get in on it too.

And he says we need to keep our TVs turned off

And he still is.

And he still is.

And he took his brother but not me.

And he wanted Jim to be a partner too.

And he was also a hero.

And he was really on top of it.

And he was the real hero.

And he'd just smack my hand away.

And he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape.

And he's a goblin, or a hobbit,

And he's always at the yoga studio.

And he's doing it all for the family.

And he's like, "yippie ki yay, mother "

And he's really good at dancing.

And Help Build Gnomes.

And help you get started?

And here is a printout of your genealogy

And here, I've been stapling the same way for 20 years

And his brother, Walt Jr.,

And his life is full of turmoil.

And hot for us.

And how are you on this fine d...

And how better than by signing a contract?

And how is it transmitted?

And how much for that cool fisherman sweater?

And I and I can't do it.

And I accidentally put her on top of my dog,

And I ain't losing any more good parts.

And I am a genius putting you two together.

And I am now in the business of...

And I ate it over the sink like a rat.

And I believe in your ability to make the right choices.

And I can't remember

And I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind.

And I CC'd him on every incriminating memo.

And I did it, and I loved doing it.

And I didn't tell you because I don't know,

And I dipped into my stash of eggnog.

And I don't care.

And I don't get a lot of chances,

And I don't need charity.

And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy.

And I don't want him to just think of me as

And I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I am not moving our family to Philly.

And I don't want to waste your time anymore.

And I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting.

And I fell in love.

And I fertilized some bushes along the way.

And I finally figured it out.

And I forgot to get him something.

And I found out

And I got you all cupcakes from that place Nipples.

And I got you something.

And I gotta say, this was a tough decision.

And I guess it did get a little confusing

And I guess that's why I acted out.

And I guess the wine coolers were flowing,

And I happen to notice you're down to about 30 seconds here.

And I have a business degree from Tokyo University.

And I have a chili recipe on the back

And I have a lot of people trusting me,

And I have kids now

And I have no one left.

And I have started a business in Philadelphia.

And I have to go through examples of stuff.

And I have to live with that every day.

And I haven't heard anything since.

And I I just sort of felt I owed him one.

And I just I can't.

And I just called to say...

And I just left out the croquet of it all?

And I know Andy.

And I know it sounds weird to say,

And I know we have a call scheduled for later

And I know what a bathroom is.

And I love you... for saying that.

And I make my case?

And I must say it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley.

And I need time to sort this out

And I really appreciate that.

And I really don't have time to learn new words

And I think I think you mean John McCain.

And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun.

And I think that as long as Todd Packer doesn't know,

And I think you're gonna like this

And I think, "come on. I can do that."

And I thought you wanted that job.

And I told Phyllis not to put it out,

And I want her to feel very comfortable

And I want to reach every demographic possible.

And I was going for zany.

And I was like, "is Indian what?"

And I was thinking it's only fair that you

And I was wondering if I could have some input

And I was, like, so mad at myself at first.

And I will just be like,

And I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone's trust.

And I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela.

And I'd just like to point out

And I'd only get to see Jada on the weekends.

And I'll be there for you.

And I'll do the same,

And I'll never be able to forgive myself

And I'm about to prove it.

And I'm Clark. I like to eat toilet paper.

And I'm his helper.

And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt.

And I'm looking for a new manager.

And I'm not gonna lie it's been challenging.

And I'm not gonna tell her until it's real.

And I'm not mad at Brian.

And I'm not one of those people who's just like, "uh, sure,

And I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car.

And I'm so confident that I'll win,

And I'm sure you have stuff to do, so we can just...

And I've already picked a few childhood memories

And if I'm gonna be working in Philly,

And if it isn't, I will take immediate action

And if my working in Philly

And if she tells the truth

And if that makes him the new Jim,

And if you hadn't noticed,

And if you want me to be there,

And in that way,

And in the form of drawings.

And instead of a wolf, I cried,

And instead she lost everything.

And introspective.

And it is everyone, because this is over.

And it is so cute how she signs her name.

And it isn't anything to do with you

And it just so happens I know someone

And it makes me feel better.

And it needs it needs...

And it really has to happen now.

And it seems like you have the gift.

And it turns out that Southwestern Ohio is going to be

And it was an ugly break up.

And it was purely political. He did nothing wrong.

And it was really hard.

And it wasn't until we stopped fighting

And it went like this...

And it'd really help me out with Duncan

And it's

And it's a really healthy alternative

And it's Dwight.

And it's Friday.

And it's getting worse every day.

And it's hard to know when that will be.

And it's incurable.

And it's me.

And it's my duty as an alum

And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist

And John Wayne Bobbitt.

And John Wayne?

And just blow it out, no consequences.

And just need to wire some money over there.

And just sawed its head right off it was sick!

And just score a couple fours, huh?

And just so you know,

And just take ten minutes to eat.

And Lady Aragorn and their ten kittens.

And lately she's been listening to 50 Shades Of Grey,

And let the stream bathe your eyeballs.

And let you know whether I want your business

And living expenses for my mom.

And look what he did to that poor thing.

And make it a surprise please.

And make you a parentless five year old again.

And maybe get the cheeks.

And maybe it could help you too.

And maybe it'll work out for Andy.

And maybe some chocolate cake.

And meet this glenpickle guy?

And Meredith is a blood relative

And Mose was the visionary,

And move "my lazy ass" out of your "GD house."

And move on.

And my bs is totally okay with it,

And my ex keyed a few of their cars.

And ne'er do well siblings to take care of,

And needs to remember his first priority

And no matter who you choose, we're still gonna be your friend.

And no one would play with me.

And no real connections in that business,

And no time will be added at the end,

And no. No, but Dwight insisted.

And none of them fly.

And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays?

And now I'm like, "that poor gimp is somebody's child."

And now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked.

And now I've sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man.

And now these three remain...

And now they're making me climb stair mountain!

And now you can major in it.

And now you're locked in a prison bus,

And now, I just want to do something huge for her.

And now, there's been a theft.

And of course there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster.

And on his last day, we did everything he loved.

And once I'm finished, it's over.

And one of my best friends.

And our competitive rates, right, Stanley?

And our training included picking carrots,

And Pam and I have gotten really close

And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun.

And people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort,

And people worse than him make it all the time,

And perform I shall.

And personified your breasts.

And played with them on the living room floor.

And poof, he disappears.

And probably fire him anyway.

And pumps out freshwater.

And pursue a career in the entertainment business

And pursue your dream, and have some fun, right?

And put away muddy.

And put down that I was fired for theft

And reading a poem.

And religious significance."

And replay

And say I grew up in an apartment.

And scream her heart out.

And see which feed she prefers.

And separate him from the group.

And she is one of the most erratic

And she mouthed off to some bikers,

And she was so incredibly cool about it.

And sign off on that contract.

And so quickly.

And Stanley's got way more body fat than they do.

And stay here and think about Aunt Shirley's offer.

And Steve is an actor friend of ours.

And stop in two, three times a week.

And tell yourself you're all you need.

And terrifying people I have ever met

And thank God, right? We needed the income after the fire.

And that Belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak.

And that includes headshots.

And that is love.

And that is when you get fired.

And that just feels wrong.

And that was our summer.

And that's all.

And that's the end of it. Right, Pete?

And that's why I brought these.

And the agency require character reference

And the best I've ever done is Angela,

And the counselor said they both grew up big time.

And the key to relationships is what, Darryl?

And the major themes we want to hit

And the major themes we want to hit

And the Senator and I are hosting

And the Senator's just pushing back as hard as he can.

And the way he's been handling it is just so

And the worst flavor I've tried so far

And their shoulder pads.

And then oh, wait.

And then after that, you can become a person

And then also, these bluetooths are very hard to hear with.

And then as soon as your back's turned,

And then dipped into the candy jar.

And then eventually, maybe,

And then everything just went numb.

And then got really into masturbating.

And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed.

And then I was like, wait. Wait a second.

And then I'll have a grandson.

And then I'm left playing catch up.

And then if she's interested in accepting the courtship,

And then in parentheses

And then just kind of flush out your eyes, you know,

And then just the bottom parts.

And then Kevin asked me out.

And then layering in a variety of drugs,

And then that'll print out hey.

And then the applause afterwards

And then we had him "like" Dunder Mifflin.

And then we thought we'd...

And then we'll just run through a few stories.

And then went away on a big long boat ride.

And then what?

And then when I went to turn it back on,

And then you gain a lot of weight.

And then you volunteered $10,000?

And then you'll get it in your house!

And then, boom, next thing you know,

And then, I'll never, ever do it again.

And then, played the tape for me the next week

And then, you know, maybe just a robe

And Theo prepare the vault.

And there was a trade show on the same day.

And there's no exclamation point.

And there's no exclamation point.

And there's nothing you can say

And there's only one guy who can save them

And there's parts of her I don't even recognize.

And there's this one when we were listening

And they came lumbering over, and I was like, "wham!

And they kind of want to know how much.

And they named the company Athlead

And they need to be stopped.

And they said they needed 20 ccs of George Michael, stat,

And they think that you're Boner Champ

And they're all better than the losers who work here.

And they're all dangerously close to not getting pie

And they're gone.

And they're kind of freaking out.

And this chair's gonna be yours.

And this desk. Ha!

And this dude labels his food.

And this is a guy who loves to start fires.

And this is just consolation champagne.

And this week I got a movie.

And those sand grains are tumbling with fury down

And Tinkie and Crinklepuss

And to be honest, I probably don't have

And today, I have a surprise for you.

And took off to Argentina with a younger woman.

And Trevor he'll make you laugh so hard,

And trying to be one of the guys.

And turn it around, and boom.

And turns out I contracted ch lamydia from Erin.

And under.

And various health hazards,

And watch our family farm disappear.

And we all know baseball does not last forever.

And we all know what flirting can lead to.

And we all used to love him, right?

And we certainly seem to mean a lot to him,

And we closed it?

And we decided no,

And we did not get where we are

And we had all of them "like" Derek's "likes."

And we had to go with none of you.

And we had to send him to a farm.

And we have a winner.

And we have begun.

And we have homework.

And we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks.

And we have torn up the carpet.

And we have two disposable incomes and no kids,

And we lost a little bit of juju,

And we need someone to go out there and clean her up.

And we only know this because of what Dwight snoot said

And we reached a settlement

And we'd really like to, you know, invest,

And we're also supposed to speak our truths,

And we're selling the damn thing.

And we're taking our business elsewhere.

And welcome back to Bizwhiz.

And what do they do?

And what do you need more face time with Wallace for?

And what is he doing?

And what'd they say?

And when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks

And when I have curried favor with her,

And when I told 'em, they were not impressed

And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards.

And when you're ready to get serious,

And while I was out

And who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative?

And who knows? Maybe some day

And why would I be asking that?

And with his performance this year,

And women love gossip, it's like air to you people. Ugh, God

And years and years and years.

And yes. [Chuckles]

And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants.

And yet I'm hesitant.

And yet, I really like him.

And you and I will talk in 15 minutes?

And you are a dog.

And you are on very hey.

And you choose the man who's the father of her child?

And you closed it. The boys are back in town.

And you did fire him.

And you didn't call Jim. That seems significant.

And you didn't freaking know.

And you didn't hit anybody that hard.

And you didn't really email me all that much.

And you fall through.

And you get 20% off if you come in

And you had to miss one phone call.

And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays.

And you intentionally left out

And you just make sure everything's in order.

And you know what, honey?

And you know what? Good.

And you know what? I think you are developing.

And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it.

And you look like one too. Thank you, Angela.

And you should take breaks more often. I've been waiting there for 45 minutes.

And you sold it to Jan, too, I mean...

And you swore that you knew how.

And you thought you guys were millionaires.

And you two are gonna shut up about it.

And you're always saying how much you don't want more stress.

And you're disgusting.

And you're just using them.

And you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.

And you're welcome, my own ass.

And you've, like, observed us