The Simpsons - Season 22 Edit

A 20 year investigation

A baby shot a guy.

A balloon saved one of my arteries.

A better relationship.

A big one. Double digits, ten.

A big, fat snitch.

A bucket full of something,

A bus was loaded with kids for a field trip.

A chapter where we meet Nemo's mother.

A complete bomb.

A completely new hairstyle.

A critical matter of great delicacy,

A cube of bulletproof plexiglas?!

A dinosaur!

A father has his secrets.

A fathering enrichment class.

A fortune could be made

A full scholarship to Cloisters Academy.

A game so lame, no one's ever finished it.

A gentle breeze!

A girl illusionist?!

A girl like her could get a fifth grader,

A good time hanging out with you.

A good value for their hard earned dollar!

A guilty first worlder lends

A gutter cleaning coupon?

A haircut with no chitchat?

A human pig.

A hundred dollars?!

A kid at school's gonna beat me up.

A little hair of the dog that bit me.

A little more.

A little of my Hubby's Holiday Helper

A little of that.

A little tired of revenge, are we?

A little... honey in your yogurt.

A little's not gonna be enough, honepie.

A lot about this sicko.

A lot of bullies just phone it in.

A lot of memories.

A lot of movie stars have gray hair,

A lot of our fans have gone through rehab,

A lot of people have cell phones,

A lot to you let's be honest.

A magic set for Christmas two years ago.

A man needs to find new customers

A middle aged woman is scared of a three story drop.

A minute ago? Don't take any of my ideas.

A nest with a robin's egg.

A new bully has risen.

A new disease! No one's immune!

A noodle big enough to float this one.

A peanut butter and pretzel sandwich?

A perfectly good hot lather dispenser.

A perfectly good hot lather dispenser.

A performer can learn is dealing with hecklers.

A philanthropist, a humanitarian, a man of peace...

A phone answering machine from the '80s!

A picket fence stood on its end

A player should always listen to his skipper.

A production of Samuel Beckett's Endgame.

A pull down map of...

A real rumble, just like in that movie

A reward from Cheech.

A Russian flotilla has just entered New York harb...

A science room, student lounge, mathnasium.

A shoebox full of 20s to do this.

A short film?!

A shrink that takes kids and pets?

A singular contribution to Western culture.

A smattering of pinecones.

A song to take your mind off it.

A teddy bear made in China.

A teddy bear?!

A time when "twilight" meant the end of the day

A Tom of Shelbyville?

A truffle is a fungus that grows in tree roots.

A wingman is a friend... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

A woman does is empowering. Oh.

A.A.A.?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! 'Tis the playground ghost!

Aah! Hey!

Aah! My bribe!

Aah! That's vandalizing city property.

Aah! The ball never touched the ground

Abandon gym!

Abe, are you feeling all right?

About baseball strategy.

About bygone wonders?

About how he never got paid.

About milk cans challenged!

About personal phone calls during rehearsal time?

About wanting more than I could afford.

About whether you have a minibike,

About your ratio of seats occupied

Abraca Milhouse!

Absolutely, Dr. Zander.

Absolutely.

According to Dr. Swig McJigger.

According to this live blog, Ben Stiller and Jack Black

Accursed tide.

Ach du lieber!

Ach. Yes.

Across the hall from mine

Act four, corn relish...

Act natural. Act natural!

Act one, mustard.

Act three, relish.

Act two, mayo.

Actually know anything about baseball?

Actually, Dad, as the supervising parent today,

Actually, I do have a speech prepared.

Actually, I'm standing in front of you.

Actually, I'm taking you

Actually, most convicts work out like crazy.

Actually, she sort of does.

Actually, sir, the man who lived here didn't have many friends.

Actually, sometimes you do push Ned around.

Actually, we can believe it.

Actually, we owe him a favor.

Actually, we pay them for each peach we take home.

Adjust for wind.

Admit it you knew this day would come.

Affirmative.

Afraid of a little apple juice?

After a PhD, lectures on cruises,

After Bart,

After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.

After our girls' basketball team beat Shelbyville

After this, ain't no turning back.

After this, your nose will not be an outtie.

Ah ah ah ah ah. Quiet campus.

Ah, come on, Lou, I need backup.

Ah, here we are

Ah, I'm afraid

Ah, I'm playing with my Sergeant Activity Doll.

Ah, if it isn't Eavesdrop Ernie

Ah, nobody. Wrong number.

Ah, shut your face, Uncle Tone.

Ah, so beautiful!

Ah, stupid pig.

Ah, that's just the movies, man.

Ah, yeah!

Ah, yes, the Simpsons: a notch and a bump,

Ah, yes.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! A monster! Save me!

Ah! Damn, that's good!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Got one.

Ah. Maybe if I use a pen.

Ah... ah...

Ah... oh, yeah...

Ah... such an innocent time.

Aha!

Aha!

Aha!

Aha! Typical American treachery!

Ahh!

AIESHA: Those clouds look like a casting director saying,

Ain't no glass.

Ain't no glass.

Ain't you never heard of conversation?

Al Qaeda wins?

Alexander the Great his gryphon...

All aboard the Polar Express!

All bye bye.

All day at the DMV.

All day long I have to listen to women talk.

All day long, Apu goes on about Lady Gaga,

All day long, they tell me stupid, pointless,

All designed to distract you

All designed to distract you

All finished, boy.

All I need is one drop of extract,

All I see are the foibles that drive your women crazy!

All I smell here is desperation.

All is forgiven, Simpsons.

All of J.D. Salinger's books,

All of J.D. Salinger's books,

ALL Puerile! Puerile!

ALL Puerile! Puerile!

ALL Pyrrhic! Pyrrhic!

All right, all right, good point,

All right, all right, settle down.

All right, Bart. What are you up to now?

All right, Comic Book Guy. Tell me my origin story.

All right, I know there's a camera in you somewhere.

All right, I want close up magicians on the left,

All right, I won't ask who sent this note

All right, I'll tell you.

All right, if you're attracted to me,

All right, let's see.

All right, pipe down back there, you'll get your chance.

All right, sister, what's your game?

All right, that's it.

All right, who sent you Marvin The Magician?

All right, you googly eyed geezers,

All right, you, give me back my phone and nobody gets hurt!

All right.

All right. Mr. Burns, I'm going to show you

All right. We'll get the vaccine.

All that time I'll be stuck in my cell, unable to exercise.

All that's left is banana Runts.

All the games came to life!

All the unfair vampire stereotypes.

All the unfair vampire stereotypes.

All those in favor of treating Mr. Burns

All units, move in!

All will be forgiven.

All you do is cost me money.

All your money and all your stuff.

All yours.

Allan Sherman's Helter Shmelter.

Almost, Mr. Vice President.

Along with the other unemployed luxury professionals:

Already?

Also a crime now.

Also illegal.

Also wrong. I'm gonna do a little research.

Also you, and you don't get more money.

Also, if you wanna find the real shooter of Mr. Burns,

Although frankly, I thought it would have been a long time ago.

Although I do.

Although that never seems to occur to anybody.

Always dumb as potatoes.

Always growing!

Am I, Lisa? Bill Gates dropout.

Amen. Oh!

America's enemies would give anything

American fatso, your knowledge helped us build this plant.

An academy.

An angry mob?

An educational limbo, as it were,

An existential nether space! I...

An experimental theater all set for

An extension school catalog and find one.

And "Q" is just too valuable.

And "upside down" them smiles.

And a brick of hash.

And a completely new hairstyle.

And a deck of cards thinks he's a magician.

And a homemade Marmite sandwich.

And a little bit of Snoopy when he cries:

And a one and a two...

And a poop in the park.

And a trial subscription to Martha Stewart Living.

And about that voice.

And according to my gut, you're okay, too.

And after a night with Edna,

And after another few years

And after days at sea,

And all he brought me was a zillion lame o toys

And all I get is a handshake and a blanket?

And all it does is fill your coconut

And all the stuff you don't know about yet.

And America has so many Iran, Iraq,

And Angry Dad himself.

And Angry Dad.

And Anita's family rented a beach house,

And another thing... the, uh...

And anything else my limited imagination can come up with.

And as a special bonus, the story of the carrier pigeon

And as artists, we live in

And as artists, we live in

And as I was carrying him back home,

And because you gave me the tough love

And besides, you were willing to do all this

And brought me to chaperone along with her mother...

And brought me to chaperone along with her mother...

And bury them in a sea of "what?"

And change this wicker basket to no basket.

And Cinderella's stepmom made her sew clothes

And circumference less platter of nachos.

And country.

And decorate it a little.

And didn't the Easter Bunny himself say

And dogs can't even get the disease.

And don't display it at night...

And don't you come back without it!

And especially the co producing.

And even less about apples.

And every time I look at this blue spruce,

And finally, Angry Dad.

And finally, I wouldn't have presented it quite so proudly.

And finally, my faithful and constant companion..."

And finish off with my excess back fat.

And for best animated short, the Oscar goes to...

And for once, I'm not talking about Lisa.

And for some reason, I always find myself talking to you

And former Isotots great, Bart Simpson.

And from now on, I'm gonna play my game.

And George Washington took a trip down the...

And get oiled and broiled.

And getting cookies in return.

And guess what?

And hate you at the same time.

And he readjusted my mortgage.

And he stole my sexiest magical gestures.

And he used it to buy an Ellery Queen mystery.

And he was the best boss I ever had.

And he's still not happy.

And her daughter Melody is in the third grade.

And here come the Blue Angels

And here in Holland, you stole the entire act

And here you go.

And here, my dear, is my most celebrated illusion:

And his a la mode cold.

And his family very wealthy.

And his fat sister overflowed the tub.

And his new girlfriend.

And his tattoos are an inconsistent mix

And Homer, he is back with mom,

And how do you know the bride?

And how was your Valentine's Day?

And I am Gaybraham Lincoln, baby.

And I bet it has something to do with this scar.

And I can say it in Na'vi or Klingon,

And I can synthesize the drug at my plant.

And I caught it!

And I didn't do anything wrong by fleeing the scene

And I don't like my sister.

And I don't mind, 'cause you're happy.

And I let it go without saying a word.

And I like how it's printed in orange.

And I love animals to death.

And I love having you here, son

And I love him just as much as you.

And I need to know how to return him to you.

And I never heard a complaint I didn't sympathetically cluck to.

And I never will be again...

And I noticed her grades went down

And I read the whole thing again.

And I shall not rest until I am her boyfriend.

And I suppose we never will.

And I swear, I will never, ever strangle my boy again.

And I think they're all related.

And I wanted to show you I appreciated it.

And I won't find out what it is, sitting at a computer.

And I work at the DMV.

And I would've loved to rent this carpet cleaner another day!

And I wouldn't blame him.

And I wouldn't have to pay it back for three more years.

And I'll a pay you top dollar for any more truffles you find.

And I'll be back with some gluten free crackers.

And I'll be too keyed up to have fun.

And I'll die a Rollin' 80!

And I'll just take my tumbleweed back.

And I'll just take my tumbleweed back.

And I'll see you next week.

And I'm afraid I've got a bit of hard news.

And I'm gettin' my dirt bike. And you can't stop me.

And I'm going to wreak a terrible vengeance.

And I'm gonna find out what and when.

And I'm gonna justify his faith in me.

And I'm in the pharmaceutical business.

And I'm not gonna shake your hand

And I'm not letting this dad get away!

And I'm spending it all on Oriental Avenue prostitutes!

And I've almost mastered the Denver slide pass.

And I've got the ring to prove it.

And if giant rabbit can lay chocolate eggs,

And if he walks you, we win the game.

And if we don't finish?

And if you are a fat little boy in a chocolate factory,

And if you do it, son, you'll get the same.

And if you don't tell us what we want to know...

And if you let my Sarah down,

And in this economy,

And instead of summer, it's all the time!

And insurance claims.

And Isotots manager Lisa Simpson

And it didn't ride so low.

And it gave me super managing powers!

And it never worked.

And it welcomes men with a few extra pounds

And it'll look good in the morning, too.

And it's about time.

And it's already your annus horribilis.

And it's gonna be you,

And it's on this DVD.

And it's ruined.

And it's why I'm leaving now.

And kill squirrels with me shovel.

And leave it in a manger scene at Christmas,

And leave it in a manger scene at Christmas,

And less Mannerist, but okay.

And Lisa, I've got a little left that I'd like to spend on you.

And Lisa, who are you wearing?

And look fondly at our house.

And made by a woman with such gentle hands.

And Maggie gets what's ever left over,

And Maggie gets what's ever left over,

And make sure you don't enjoy yours too much.

And make you into a Rubik's cube,

And maybe I'll Say, you did it already?!

And maybe there'll be a nice pair

And me smell like drugstore cologne

And me?

And mentalists well, I don't need to tell you.

And Milhouse isn't there to help you,

And mop the floor.

And most importantly, Angry Dad,

And my days of listening to my manager are over.

And my dream is

And my famous BLTs or should I say, PPPs?

And my mind.

And my mom said no new pets, so I'm hiding you in my room

And my sister locking herself in the car.

And my wonderful son woke me up with a delicious cup of coffee.

And no one else will coach you loveable losers.

And Nobel laureate Mohammad Yunus,

And not reporting it and killing that hobo with the big mouth.

And not say nothin' that costs nobody no election.

And not the good kind.

And not the most barftastic horror franchise of all time.

And nothing to hide.

And now he's hogging all the credit!

And now I'm like...

And now it's time for "That's Kent ertainment!"

And now it's time for our reward.

And now my son is a bully. Can you fix him?

And now please welcome Academy Award winner Halle Berry.

And now that I have him,

And now, apparently, I am a girl.

And now, the nominees for best animated short.

And now, to break the news as gently as I know how.

And now, to present the Golden Globe

And now, without further ado, I give you this.

And on it goes.

And one scrappy fifth gradesman!

And one thing I've learned

And organize media friendly events to help combat

And other reason please explain."

And out. Ms. Stewart,

And painted over the nubs.

And pick up some dim sum on the way.

And poured it into a candy mold.

And push you into the oven?

And put a man on the moon.

And remember, on the road, the only vice

And remind him of the joys of the single life.

And said you punched Milhouse, "like, 50 billion times."

And seen you through some very square times.

And she stops seeing those women who make her so happy.

And she's all, "Oh, no, no, no!

And so many animators.

And so The Bloody Hangman, his hair sticky with blood,

And so, to this naked fairy god boy,

And started the school's recycling society.

And stay out.

And stick you on the front porch every Halloween.

And taking the shuttle, yo!

And tarted up like a dime a dance floozy.

And teaching me what's really important.

And tell me where you are?!

And that food bank used to be a regular bank.

And that is when the four of you

And that last touchdown makes it 67 to 13.

And that one's going to cost you.

And that's all she wrote.

And that's why anyone who invested with Lenny Dykstra

And that's why I can't believe we didn't get that stupid elf!

And the day before that and the day before that

And the day before that and the day before that...

And the day before that...

And the embers is your dinner.

And the flag is made in China.

And the fourth one has a title so sad I can't even say it.

And the Globe goes to...

And the great game of baseball

And the Listen In Bunch.

And the Matt Damon everything else.

And the money was in my pants when Mother did the laundry.

And the Nobel Prize for Peace goes to...

And the number e.

And The Occurrence

And the one year I didn't, I was bitten by an actual rattlesnake.

And the only one who ever shot anyone is the baby.

And the single mindedness of a Steinbrenner.

And the tabs on this pop up book have no effect.

And the third one is out for revenge.

And the winner is... not going to be announced

And the woman who has inspired me every day

And then an old Italian nun finds it?

And then an old Italian nun finds it?

And then I cancelled the subscription.

And then indignantly bring it back for a full refund.

And then, suddenly, a boy talks to you?

And there he goes!

And there was also some hardship.

And there's a can of beans in my car.

And there's no better exercise than killing and disemboweling

And there's no way anyone can figure out how it's done.

And there's really no point in all of us waiting in line.

And there's something else it might be good for.

And these are from sardine cans your father opened.

And these keys are from all my jobs.

And these ladies are, too.

And they all want to sit in the front seat with Daddy.

And they can also bloody well change back!

And they didn't prorate.

And they said, "We don't pay for introductions,"

And they said, "Yes, you do," and I said...

And they were playing cards...

And they were sneaking kisses.

And think of a day when I'm no longer in the pink.

And this hot plate's still warm.

And this is Nelson.

And this ruler is unmarked,

And this tooth has no dentin!

And thought I'd pay a visit, from Yale,

And Tim Burton started with short films.

And to extinguish you

And to quote Dwayne from What's Happening,

And turn everything back the way it was.

And upon further reflection, I have decided to offer you

And use it to apply for credit cards in your name.

And Walt Disney at the same time.

And watch the four saddest horse movies I could find.

And we are still in informal talks to return to their empire,

And we can certainly afford...

And we gave you a little surprise for your trip back.

And we'd be honored to have you join our softball team.

And we're going to do something about it.

And we're not loveable.

And we've got front row seats.

And we've got nothing to huck!

And what about that father?

And what is rain, man?

And what's all that noise?

And when he told me what you do to your son,

And whenever you eat here, you get the best table

And where's the Angry Dad himself?

And why is there always a "Denver" version of things?

And with a little bit of work, this wedding dress

And wrote "Churchy Joe" on my face.

And you always avoid the face around picture day.

And you are with?

And you both will be eight forever.

And you both will be eight forever.

And you buried it with the second.

And you can charge up to the wazoo.

And you driving on and off the shoulder

And you know what else this whole experience has taught me?

And you know what? It was my dad's movie, too.

And you know why I'm a great wingman?

And you should never give up.

And you'll crack like one of those chicken turds

And you'll probably wind up just like her.

And you'll regret not spending more time with them.

And you're a former Mrs.,

And you're cured.

And you're cute in the moonlight.

And you're drinking coffee from his mug right now.

And you're my naked fairy god boy.

And you've outlived it!

And your beautiful smile will be molded into the snow.

And your enemies closer?

And your hands get sticky when you touch it.

And your record is as clean as...

And your will shall be fully executed.

And, and I had real, deep feelings for that money.

And, because we only drive at night,

And, hey, why wouldn't you like it?

And, in a very insignificant way, you, Homer.

And, oh yeah, I'm also the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.

And, uh, all I do is get drunk

And, uh, we were just hoping we could get more of that drug.

And, well, I can't dance by myself...

And, with the money I'm making,

And?

And... ...demented.

And... action!

And... finished!

And... remorse.

Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes.

Angry Dad got an Oscar nomination?!

Angry Dad: The Movie.

Angry Dad!

Angry Dad.

Angry Dad's voice is part Walter Matthau

Announcement to make.

Another disgrace for the French Bureau of Investigation.

Another good one.

Another hairdresser?

Another stomach. Shut up.

Anthill, wasp nest, moose poop, Mr. Burns...

Ants will burn tonight.

Any chance I could see you again?

Any idiot with a soul patch

Any more than I could quit being a man.

Any sandwiches we drop on the floor.

Any terrorist attacks on American soil today?

Anybody want to wait for shine?

Anyone cares about Ron Swoboda's wife and kids?

Anyone else think he's better than the laws of probability?

Anyone see a good beer commercial lately?

Anyone?

Anything for my silly Milly.

Anything that's the something of the something

Anything you can give us from real life?

Anything, just name it.

Anyway, Fat Tony and I think this is a chance

Anyway, granted, despite what André Bazin might say,

Anyway, I I'm here

Anyway, I said "Bart..."

Anyway, mate, your ice is dripping.

Anyway, The Bloody Hangman set to his gory work.

Anyway, when I came to, everyone on board was dead.

Anywhen, I've decided to give you all your inheritance now.

Aquariums full of broken pinball game parts,

Arctic Circle I just got that!

Are doing a bit that will not end.

Are doing some manly bonding in the woods,

Are returning in triumph for a reunion show.

Are still in the carpet!

Are there franks in the beans?

Are they robots?

Are you a distraction or a higher calling?

Are you buying a Marc Fredericks signature handbag?

Are you going to kill me now? 'Cause I'm super ready.

Are you gonna open it?

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding?

Are you nuts?

Are you saying that arts camp was a lie?

Are you sleepy? I'm not sleepy.

Are you still bumping moustaches with Ned?

Are you sure about that, Grampa?

Are you sure you don't have a salon?

Are you sure?

Are you sure? He's having a growth spurt.

Are you taking me to the dentist?

Are you the one who left the message on the blackboard?

Are you wearing a wire?

Are you willing to take that chance?

Aren't you curious?

Aromatherapists,

Arts camp was lovely.

As "berserkoid," "totally aggro,"

As a chance to improve your fathering.

As a kid, I had roundworm.

As a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press.

As a pitcher, Cliff Lee is clearly superior

As a reward, I've planned a little surprise for you.

As always, the Frisbee is the mirror to the soul.

As either Kafkaesque or Orwellian.

As if anyone but you could make me feel this beautiful.

As long as I can dig you up

As long as it doesn't

As long as it means we're not learning.

As Nicky "Blue Pants" Altosaxophony.

As of Jan one, a bunch of new ordinances

As recounted in the Ainulindal and the Valaquenta.

As something that could affect a kid.

As sure as I am that I'll be billing you

As the digital Rembrandts of my generation.

As the ether that helps you get to sleep.

As the one with the larger brain...

As the pie cooled innocently on a porthole sill,

As we spend the rest of our lives suing that therapist.

As you all can see, I.M.A. Wiener.

Asinine. Everything you say is asinine.

Ask about the safe.

At 742 Evergreen Terrace.

At a farm upstate where he can run and play all day.

At first, I was only gay for your money.

At least no one else has taken this drug.

At least someone around here's got the Christmas spirit.

At least the cup is lined with felt.

At some point,

At some point, I think we should see a doctor.

At Springfield Elementary.

At Squidport's new amphitheatre,

At that fantasy football auction

At that wonderful relationship you have with Marge.

At the "Faculty Follies" after party.

At the most glamorous place in town.

At the nuclear plant namely, suck?

At the pre rally egg salad sandwich party.

At the Springfield Airport Motor Lodge.

At the upcoming world magic championships!

Attention, lovers of love.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Aunt Selma's leg.

Aw, Bart, sweetie...

Aw, brother germs!

Aw, c'mon, man.

Aw, come on, Bart, it's fun!

Aw, come on, Dad.

Aw, come on, sourpuss.

Aw, come on.

Aw, for I was going to say that!

Aw, for crying out loud,

Aw, geez, here comes that girl I always liked in high school.

Aw, geez, I hope no one heard you say that.

Aw, geez, she's coming back!

Aw, I can't stand you looking at me that way.

Aw, man!

Aw, sister spit!

Aw, sweetie, money can't change people.

Aw, sweetie, thanks for saving me

Aw, the poor guy hurt his wing.

Aw, they gave me my own vanity plate.

Aw, who am I kidding? I don't got the money.

Aw, why did Burns make us all come here?

Aw, you think I forgot you?

Aw!

Aw! You're gonna regret the day you were born.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. My son's first stroke.

Aw. Poor baby.

Aw...

Aw...

Aw...

Aw...

Aw...

Aw... Dad was right

Awaiting results."

Awesome!

Awesome! I'll get the white wine.

Awesome! Who is it?

Aww.

Aww...

Aww... Who's a possum?

Ay yi yi yi yi!

Ay, caramba!

Ay, caramba.

Ay... ca...ram... ba!

Aye! People of Springfield!

Ayyy.

Ayyy. Ohhh! Ayyy. Ohhh!