A cool friendship, and
Again, good advice.
Ah.
Ah.
All right, Ben.
All right.
An old fashioned prairie drink off.
And a half pig.
And a jar of acid.
And control me like a puppet.
And get copies of Ronald's workplace expense reports.
And get it to me in an hour.
And he broke up with me!
And how is that gonna help?
And I am very excited at that prospect.
And I gonna get the secret weapon.
And I intend to be there the minute you die.
And I think it'd be good to get someone
And I thought I had a friend.
And I thought that you would be perfect.
And I thought, maybe you could take a look at them
And I will do it.
And if I win, I bring him back to the farm
And it did collect a lot of food crumbs,
And keep your mouth shut.
And my babysitter, and she taught driver's ed.
And my six o'clock appointments.
And pore over some spreadsheets.
And promote the company by going to clubs
And send them home to my mom.
And sit in my mom's basement
And someone applying nail Polish.
And the e720 logo on them.
And the next second, you're all business?
And then destroy you with just one word.
And then, even the sight of chicken makes you sick?
And they all said the same thing you did.
And to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra.
And together,
And together, we can make a difference.
And tossing the bills in the air and screaming,
And two, you have to keep detailed financial records.
And we should start thinking about wardrobe.
And you get food poisoning
And you,
And you're going to put it in my car.
And your home.
And your intelligence, and your insight.
And your patience,
And/or wet themselves.
Andy Dwyer.
Andy, April!
Andy, don't joke around.
Andy.
Andy...
Angelo, thank you so much for coming out.
Ann Perkins,
Ann Perkins.
Ann.
Any who, back to the old grindstone.
Anything you say will stay between you and me.
Anytime we think something's dope?
Anyway, it was just nice to have that validated.
April, no that stuff will melt
Are we calling everybody "baby" now?
Are we saying "Snapple"
Are you broken?
Are you the receptionist?
Around Pawnee.
As a thank you.
As far as business decisions go,
As in, "you're dead!"
As the last one.
Aww, Snapple.
Aww!
Baby!
Basically, we're being attacked by Godzilla.
Because he had diabetes.
Because it's important to you.
Because nerd stuff probably really excites you,
Because of where you are in your life emotionally.
Because Ron and I have a very important meeting together.
Because you're a nerd.
Ben, thanks for your time.
Ben? Is that your real name?
Ben.
Budgetary Thunder Dome.
Bump!
But businesses need revenue, okay?
But everyone feared her, so they kept their mouths shut.
But he had to retire at 46
But I had to learn about his finances,
But I'd love to try another one.
But I'm not quite sure how to phrase them.
But I'm only trying to be the best me that I can be.
But in another, truer sense, no,
But it can be prevented.
But let's use this as an opportunity
But that bitch is crazy.
But there's something there.
But this?
But when you find it,
But with all due respect,
But you love arguing against government spending.
By getting an annual check up,
By literally printing out our money.
By the end of...
Bye.
Calculator.
Can I ask you guys a question?
Can you take care of it for us?
Can't you just move your butt around,
Casual?
Could we take a peek at it?
Delivery guy.
Diabetes can't be cured.
Diabetes!
Diabetes!
Do you have questions?
Do you know what I love?
Do you wanna know how we make money?
Don't forget to grab a free iPad on your way out.
Don't worry, Leslie.
Don't worry. I will think of a better name for it by tomorrow.
Every 30 days,
Every department, in one room, arguing for more money.
Every guy needs that.
Every time another department asks for more money,
Everybody knew everybody else.
Everybody prance, now!
Eww!
Eww!
Exercising,
Expenditure request if it bit them in the ass.
Fat equals splat!
Fight it!
Fine.
First of all, income tax is illegal.
For a long time.
For good.
For you to speak again while I'm here.
Formal? Semi formal?
From the top, everybody.
Get a thicker tie. It looks weird on you.
Get him the books.
Get rid of four of those accountants.
Glenn Close.
Good God, Ronald.
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning, sir. How can I help you?
Grab your calculators. Settle in.
Great.
Had enough?
He didn't even have one.
He ever built.
He invited me.
He just stares them down until they back off
He plays for the Pacers.
He turns into a demonic sex maniac.
He wants me here.
He was the director of public health,
He's acquired quite a bit of gold.
He's here to help us with the paperwork.
He's standing next to the first chair
Hello.
Here you go.
Here.
Here's something neat.
Hey guys, which two people here started their own company?
Hey, Andy.
Hey, hey.
Hey, Jer.
Hey, look who it is.
Hey, thanks for texting me to hang out.
Hey, who's ready to get
Hey!
Hey.
Hibbert, Hibbert.
Hit it!
How did you meet Tammy One?
How exactly are you making money?
How much are they paying you?
How were we together for five months?
How's it hanging?
Huh, okay.
Hump day, am I right, buddy?
Hup, Jell o shot!
I
I am flattered.
I am Leslie Knope, deputy
I bought that one personally.
I buy shotgun shells and cigarettes
I can hear you.
I can't feel my face.
I cannot believe I dated him.
I don't believe we've met.
I don't even know her, but she's my hero.
I don't know where the paperwork is,
I don't really know.
I don't think it will be necessary
I found your underground safe.
I got what I came for anyway.
I grew up in a very small town.
I guess.
I hate to say this, but I have a stain on my shirt.
I have decided not to attend this year.
I have ideas, too.
I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.
I just got caught up in my own thoughts.
I knew you the minute you were born.
I know you can, Ben.
I love her.
I love that.
I made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
I made that man a dining room table
I mean, I would guess they'll be bankrupt
I mean, you don't need this airplane hangar
I mean, you spent a lot of time and energy
I need to see all of your books.
I never had.
I really think we've got it.
I say you can go.
I stole half your gold.
I think I have an idea that could save Ron.
I think that's a great idea.
I think we almost have it,
I think we got it. Do you think we got it?
I think we know what we're doing.
I want Ronald back,
I want to thank you for this opportunity
I wanted to apologize.
I was hoping to speak with Ron alone.
I was wondering if I could go to lunch with Leslie?
I would like to shoot a new PSA
I would like you to write me a script
I'd rather be locked up.
I'll I'll head down to payroll.
I'll cancel my four o'clock and my five o'clock
I'll need access to all your accounts,
I'm being audited by the IRS.
I'm confident that I'll
I'm feeling it let's go right away!
I'm gonna join you and if I win,
I'm impressed.
I'm Puerto Rican. I can handle it.
I'm really in a pickle now.
I'm sure Ron will remember the meeting fondly
I'm very excited about this.
I'ma help you out right now.
I'ma switch it up for you, right now.
I've been trying to tell them that!
I've heavily invested in gold
I've really felt like we've developed
I've taken in the last five years.
If we don't start making changes,
If you don't mind me asking,
If you need anything,
If you win, he's all yours.
In a locked safe buried underground,
In a sense, yes.
In exchange for 60 feet of copper pipe
In terms of shirts, I can wear white...
In Terre Haute.
In that last one, I left a nanosecond
In the meantime, we' gonna be playing video games,
In this town, understandable.
Into a joint bank account with her.
Is in its final stages.
Is that necessary?
Is there a script yet?
Is there something there?
Is this all you want me to do?
Is this audit even real?
Is this Ron?
Is this true?
It felt much better.
It is not.
It is so nice having her around.
It smells like jet fuel.
It sounds about right.
It was a little scandalous,
It's almost too easy.
It's an iPad.
It's called the Battle Royale.
It's magic time!
It's super fun.
It's time to settle this.
Its only legal use is to strip varnish
Jail, jail, jail.
Jail, Ron, jail.
Jail, Ron.
Jean Ralphio!
Jell o shot!
Jell o shot!
Jell o shot!
Jell o shot!
Jell o shot.
Just as good, if not exactly the same
Just blurt them right out, Leslie.
Lastly, I hate the name, Angelo.
Leslie, no, don't drink that.
Leslie, please.
Leslie, you are a panic.
Leslie, you don't have to do this...
Leslie, you goofball.
Let me in here.
Let me just call Tammy first and get permission.
Let's cut the crap.
Let's go.
Let's hit it.
Listen, Tammy One was my Sunday school teacher, too.
Listen, we need you to break Ron from her spell.
Literally, there's a someone reading a magazine,
Look at that thing. What is that?
Look at that thing. What is that?
Look, we got some documents over at Entertainment720
Look, you guys can swagger around all you want,
Made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil.
Make a choice. Make a change.
Makes your head look like a fish.
Marvin clods.
Mom, you're going back to the farm.
My face is numb.
My first ex wife's name is Tammy.
My mom's name is Tamara.
My second ex wife's name is Tammy.
My son Ronnie always had a weakness for those ladies.
Na na na na na.
NBA's on strike,
Neutered wimp?
No no. That that sucked.
No offense.
No, of course. Yeah, no, I just
No, she's no hero, April.
No, thank you.
No!
No.
None taken. I'm very flattered.
Not even close.
Not meven clarse.
Not quite, but I like the energy are we still rolling?
Not really.
Not sure.
Now.
Of a pause between the words,
Of this watered down baby formula?
Off of speedboats.
Oh, Ann, I I know that I can be intense,
Oh, break evens?
Oh, come on.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, I I'm just wondering how long that's going to take,
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. That's an actual NBA player.
Oh, oh.
Oh, right that's why I dated him.
Oh, wow.
Oh, you could do better than that.
Oh. That's great.
Ok guys, a Battle Royale is coming up.
Okay, first of all, it's disturbing
Okay, if you want this company to survive,
Okay, let's can we take a break?
Okay, you know what?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Well, first thing you need to do:
Okay. Well, it's definitely Ron's mom.
On writing this.
One of these models that we pay to hang around here
One second, you hit the party switch,
Operation "Golden Dove" is in trouble.
Operation "Rescue Ron" is starting.
Operation "Soaring Falcon"
Or have I?
Or wear a dress made out of meat?
Ouchie.
Our secret weapon in this budgetary battle...
Play one on one with Detlef?
Poison!
Posh? Baby?
Pour it. I'm thirsty.
Pour me one, too, then.
Prance, prance, prance, prance, prance, prance
Praying...
Professional basketball players.
Put on my Star Wars pajamas
Really?
Remember to wash your hands.
Right here. Right now.
Right now.
Right, my love?
Ron stays here with us.
Ron,
Ron, jail.
Ron, most of these aren't even receipts.
Ron, there are some things I want to speak to you about
Ron, this is a federal tax audit.
Ron, your family's weird.
Ron? Your moustache fell off.
Ron.
Ronnie.
Same amount, every month. 140 bucks.
Scary?
Science is a miracle.
Second, Tammy is a psychological mastermind.
Secondly,
She can pinpoint your weaknesses,
She did, however, teach me everything I know.
She goes by Tammy.
She helped deliver me.
She moved in with me.
She says I can't go.
She threw acid on my foot.
She was a candy striper at the hospital.
She was my math teacher in middle school
She's a hellacious nightmare.
She's had enough. Call it off.
She's probably being paid upwards of $100,000 a year.
She's probably being paid upwards of $100,000 a year.
She's really helping me out.
She's the cold, distant mother
Shh! Go to bed, Jimmy.
So uhm, make a list of why other departments suck
So we got him for only, like,
So we need to find proof of every tax deduction
So, it needs to be perfect.
So, let's do 1 more, then 5 more,
Some kind of lame drug deal?
Something called "Break even analysis tables."
Sorry.
Sounds great.
Sporty?
Stop fidgeting.
Stop yelling and being annoying.
Sunday school, sex.
Take me there.
Tammy One is my blonde chicken.
Tammy One showed up.
Tammy pointed out that my face looked better
Tammy,
Tammy, may I use the restroom?
Tammy?
Tammy.
Tammy's got me taking baby aspirin
Tammy's totally cool.
Technically, I've known her since I was born.
Terrific.
Thank you!
Thank you.
Thank you.
That chair that has a roof.
That is a gentleman's agreement.
That is sad, but also,
That is Walt Morphling.
That seem really complicated.
That you wrote a memo, at all.
That's a fact.
That's decoy gold.
That's how easy it is.
That's it.
That's not how it works. She's out.
That's so sweet.
That's Swanson family mash liquor.
The there's someone over there in a deep sleep.
The government knows what it's doing.
The shell off a garden snail.
The thing I love about Tammy is she calls me on my crap.
Then 20 in a row.
Then I don't have to answer stupid questions
Then I'll say it to her.
There's a room full of just guns.
There's no one else here.
There's Roy Hibbert and Detlef Schrempf.
There's this video of a boat.
These emails aren't gonna send themselves.
They wouldn't know a non employee tax reportable
This ends now.
This has to stop,
This is a much bigger mess than I imagined.
This is America, isn't it?
This is important to me
This is just another way for her
This is worse.
This one says, "I bought supplies. 2007".
This prints bills with our faces
This sentence.
Those are really fun.
Those are the spice girls
Three seconds ago.
Tim Buckenowski.
Tim.
To lower my risk of heart disease.
To make sure my future was protected.
To put her hand up my keister
To revisit the script.
Tom told me that chair was $27,000.
Tom. Jean Ralphio.
Tweeting our high scores.
Ugh!
Uh I have work.
Uh oh!
Uh, no, because you just approved the idea, like,
Um, hi.
Um, I think we do.
Unless you start working on an actual plan,
Wait, what? That wasn't the deal.
Wait. I'm subbing in.
Wanna know how we make money?
Waste of time.
We also got basketball at any time you want.
We bought a printing press.
We brought in five accountants to look at e720
We can make a difference.
We don't have any pens
We first took up together when I was 15.
We had it seven hours ago.
We have to talk.
We use it to burn warts off of the mules!
We'll do a complete overhaul of your finances.
We're gonna lose the company.
We're here to serve you, friend.
We're playing a game where everyone says something stupid?
Welcome to paradise, my man.
Welcome to the Battle Royale.
Well I could do all those things and have,
Well, looks like we have some actual receipts here.
Well, you know, it's possible you can just date a guy
Well...
What are you doing?
What are you supposed to do with that thing?
What do you think of that, J shot?
What do you think? Any notes?
What is going on?
What is that?
What is this memo you sent to me?
What up, Roy?
What you right now?
What?
What's going on?
What's in that jug?
What's that what is she doing? She's just playing with an iPad.
What's the deal, baby?
What's this?
What's this?
What's up, boss?
Whatever.
When Ron falls for Tammy Two,
When Ron left her and we got together,
When she explains it, it makes total sense.
Where anyone could find it?
Where's Tammy One?
Which I've buried in several different locations
Which is very unsanitary.
Which means that everything we shot so far is unusable,
While he makes toilet wine in a federal prison
While standing on my own property.
Who are you?
Who is that guy?
Who's healthy and telegenic,
Who's this tall drink of water?
Who's this?
Why do I only date brunettes?
Why do you have so many guns?
Why do you not wanna do it now?
Will grab it for you.
With full medical.
Without any hair on it.
Wrah!
Yeah, I suppose you're right, John.
Yeah, sure. I'll take a look.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. W w what'd you got?
Yeah. Where are we?
Yes, I do.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes! Yeah, we have it.
Yes?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yesterday, she converted my bank account
You and I are going to lunch.
You and Ron have a big meeting, huh?
You can chill over there by the bar.
You can prevent adult onset diabetes
You can't just print your own money.
You could go to jail.
You could go to jail.
You don't know me at all.
You don't need five accountants.
You gold digger.
You got it, baby.
You immediately need to downsize.
You know what? Screw this.
You know, sometimes you eat chicken
You only spent $40 on clothes in the past 5 years?
You really you need to stop giving these away like candy.
You really are an amazing human being.
You think I'd leave my gold
You were right to come get me.
You won't find any bank statements either.
You. What is your name?
You'll take a week off from work.
You're dead in a month.
You're evil, and you need to go.
You're going back to hell.
You're going to collect all of this,
You're going to go to payroll
You're going to lunch with me.
You're literally a gold digger.
You're not getting any younger.
You're not going to the battle royale?
Your mom sounds kick ass.
Your name is Angelo.
Your new nickname is...
Your worst nightmare.
Yup.
Yup. At the age of five.
75% of his original NBA salary.
600 people.
Awesome. Oh, my God.
Hey. Diabetes!
Hey... Hey, man.
Uh This is Ben.
What Ms. Knope.
'Cause honestly,
'Cause I love that, baby.
'Cause I'm pretty sure it wasn't you two bozos.
'cause we're afraid it's gonna leak in our shirts.
'Sup, Jell o shot.
"Free money!"
"together" and "we."
[Bleep], oh, my God!
$100,000 a year.
