Little Demon (2022) - Season 1 Edit

Across the Demicorporeal Plane.

After my first marriage ended,

Ah, she's amazing.

All about signing your pact?

All of my stupid ass Choochie babies.

All right, can you shut up for a second?

An audience member will choose the exterminator

And a phoenix Darlene rose from the goddamn ashes.

And either you're Forrest Gump, or...

And executive producer of everything Wibby Turkle,

And extremely powerful compound, okay?

And here you are in a dark alley with another monster?

And I also love her cookbook, Cooking with Carcasses.

And I brought you out tonight because sometimes

And I want you to experience that fun in your life.

And I was hoping we'd be besties soon,

And I'd rather not spend it surrounded by

And if the schnoz matches the schmeckle,

And if you wanna be my father,

And into The Coconut Hole

And just wants to connect.

And the first one up the tiki pole

And the only way for him to reclaim it is through you.

And the realms are like the stores in it.

And the waiters all look like Patrick Swayze in Road House.

And this is my little pocket, okay?

And you did.

And you didn't listen.

And you've always been the guy who...

And...scene.

ANNOUNCER: And now your outstanding host

ANNOUNCER: Someone get a breath mint.

ANNOUNCER: That's hot. [laughs]

Aren't you glad you came out?

As chips and get in a fistfight?

As it is for you.

At her quinceañera, the Titi Suzie cake debacle.

Bastards like this keep showing up.

Because I'm a winner!

Because this is objectively impressive.

BIG STRONG MAN PUPPET: ♪♪ Thanks, my little angel ♪♪

BIG STRONG MAN PUPPET: In fact, we can start right now.

Biiiitch!

Binocular indents around your eyes,

Blammo'd to us to wherever we're going?

BOTH: Purged the world of demonic forces.

But I can handle fucked up.

But I do care.

But I was gonna kill him eventually.

But if any type of liquid touches it

But it narrows your scope.

But it's a work in progress.

But obviously that's impossible, so...

But scoot over here and blaze this son of a bitch!

But the only way to travel to other realms

But with fornication and genocide.

By calling her jealous and out for revenge.

By his adorable half human daughter,

Can I ask you something?

Choochie, Choochie!

CHRISSY: [gasping]

CHRISSY: [panting]

CHRISSY: [yells]

CHRISSY: Anyone got earplugs? I hate this song.

CHRISSY: Don't worry, I got you, Pops.

CHRISSY: Excuse me. SATAN: Pardon me, pardon me.

CHRISSY: Get me out of here!

CHRISSY: Hey, Dad, stab me.

CHRISSY: Ugh!

Chrissy!

Chrissy's at her dad's for the weekend.

Clearly she's never met you.

Come on in.

Come on, baby.

Coming on her show and schtupped her mother.

CONDUCTOR: Next stop: Wibby Turkle Realm.

CREATURE: [sings last note]

CREATURE: Welcome.

Cringey Christ.

CROWD: [booing]

CROWD: [gasps]

CROWD: Choochie, Choochie,

CROWD: Death to Satan.

CROWD: We wanna fuck a corpse!

CROWD: We wanna fuck a corpse.

CROWD: Yes, you can!

DARLENE: Ego monster? When I catch you,

DARLENE: I only laughed at your jokes to make you feel better.

DARLENE: I'd make up excuses: "Gotta fix a leaky pipe."

DARLENE: Laur, I'm gonna be blunt.

DARLENE: Yes! You, don't get cozy.

Did Chrissy like that summer scarf I made her?

Die. [sobbing]

Don't forget to rip your bartender.

Don't move. Stay there.

Don't say anything to him, all right?

Don't worry. Trust your instincts.

Especially if you fucked my mom.

EVERETT: I know we just met, but...

EVERETT: Surely someone with your disposition

EVERETT: What do you say we go all the way?

Every exterminator who's crossed their path.

Everything she's been through and all,

Folks are gonna lose their shit.

Forced me out onto the dance floor,

Friends gotta force friends to do things

From all corners of the realms.

From tapping into the real you.

From torturing monsters in dark garages.

Frozen fireballs served by bulging hunks in tight shorts.

Get out.

Get that big old bass.

Get your Choochie tchotchkes. SATAN: Don't worry.

Gets a bowl of Everclear poured in their mouth.

Gotta play to the audience.

Great British Bake Off to binge.

Have a good one, pals.

Have a serious challenge,

He desperately needs you.

He was about to chop you up.

Hello, hello, hello,

Hitting on me is a dead end.

Homework to do,

How much longer is this gonna be?

How you like that, TV land?

Hurry it up, asshole. Need the fuck outta here.

I am so cool!

I brought you here under false pretenses,

I communicated I didn't wanna go out tonight.

I communicated to watch the door,

I don't have time to dick around with dicks.

I don't know if you ever got your dick shot off,

I got my hands full right now.

I got us the VIP treatment.

I hated that part of the ground!

I have lost a little power.

I I just I gotta get in there, all right?

I I just wanted you to reach your full potential,

I just wanna get her back for getting my dick shot off.

I just want to make it so no one can hurt us, honey.

I know what I have to do.

I know what works for me.

I know why you're here, and I won't let it happen.

I need a break.

I need to focus on getting us out.

I think I'm too screwed up for anything better.

I think they're drawn to Chrissy or something.

I told you to watch the door.

I wanna pinch his cheeks, maybe pet his snorkel.

I was doing a thing. Thing? What kind of thing?

I was terrified to get back out there, leave the house.

I weirdly like it.

I'd be lying if I didn't say wet.

I'd tell you to kill yourself, but I'd feel bad for the knife!

I'll call you the whole package.

I'll let you stab me once to stroke your ego.

I'll turn you both into trophies,

I'm an Aries.

I'm coming back for your ass.

I'm down either way.

I'm finally getting you out of the house

I'm gonna kill the girl who shot my dick off.

I'm not the one who obliterated an entire arena.

I'm such an idiot.

I'm sure your husband misses you.

I've got a heck of a show for you tonight, babies.

I've read enough Brené Brown

If I stay any longer, I will kill someone.

If not, I'm done.

If you actually communicated that to me.

Imagine this whole place as a shopping mall

INICHOOCHIAMA: [laughs wickedly]

INICHOOCHIAMA: [laughs]

INICHOOCHIAMA: Ah, yes!

INICHOOCHIAMA: I should have known.

INICHOOCHIAMA: Think about it.

Instead of being steamrolled by some delusional optimist.

Instead of having drinks with me?

Into your house with candy and cheese plates.

Is a gift for everyone involved,

It can open fissures to hidden corners of the Earth,

It's called self preservation.

It's hard to find breathable materials.

It's Laura and Darlene's big night out!

It's like

It's never enough info.

Jimmy, Darlene. A pleasure.

Ketamine, really?

Kind of a 180, but do your thing, girl.

Kind of like your debutante ball, you know,

Last one put up a fight?

LAURA: "Oh, never mind." Shut up, Darlene.

LAURA: [chuckles]

LAURA: [groans]

LAURA: [grunting]

LAURA: [grunts]

LAURA: [shouts] DARLENE: Oh, God.

LAURA: I said leave it to me. DARLENE: Oh!

LAURA: Oh! Whoa!

LAURA: Smaller than I imagined.

LAURA: Well, I need you to guard the entrance

Let me get that. No, no, it's on me.

Let me get you some Erberribble. [chuckles]

Let the games begin!

Let's do it.

Liquesco is a fragile

LITTLE BOY PUPPET: ♪♪ I'm the Antichrist ♪♪

LITTLE BOY PUPPET: ♪♪ They say my dad the devil ♪♪

LITTLE BOY PUPPET: I love you, Dad.

Mama's got the antidote, though.

Masturbating in two separate corners.

Maybe I'm drawn to dark shit because deep down,

Maybe put some sugar in it next time.

Maybe we get some waffles to celebrate or

Me. What was that?

Minor abrasions on your forearm and cheekbone.

More like dorkel monster.

More? Okay.

My favorite person in all the realms.

My therapist told me everyone has something to live for.

No one wins my game,

Now I just need five milligrams of goofer dust.

Now it's a tourist trap.

Now, for their final challenge,

Now, give me the cape chisel,

NYMPH: [giggles]

NYMPH: [giggles] Ooh!

Of these septuagenarians for my latest novella.

Oh, it's sizzling.

Oh, no, I got a whole afternoon mapped out.

Oh, shit! Shit, it's a goofer dust gust.

Oh, you said the same thing last week.

Okay, fine. All right.

Okay, one drink, though. Watch out, Middletown.

Okay, plan B.

On this plane of existence is public transportation.

Once an exterminator on our show,

Or I'll hang you with your own nose again.

Our competitors must face.

Our contestants have savagely murdered

Poor little bubble girl can't even pop a bubble.

Pop's still on top. [yelps]

Presented by Roach Automobiles.

PUPPETS: Maximus Dawnus, here we come!

Remember, if it bleeds, he can kill it.

SATAN: [grunts] Dad, heads up!

SATAN: Chrissy, get in here!

SATAN: Daddy daughter killing time.

SATAN: Gorgeous.

SATAN: She's lyin'.

SATAN: What a production!

SELLER: Get your Choochie tchotchkes.

She's been out to get me ever since I stopped

Shit, I used up the extra Liquesco.

Shit! Dad!

SINGER: ♪♪ Looking from a window above ♪♪

So break outta that bubble and come help Daddy.

So how long have you been a serial killer?

So I can clean up this mess and head home.

So, Brad, who do you pick?

Soaking in the waning sexual rhythms

Sometimes I worry about her,

Sorry, I just had to kill that goblin.

Sorry, that's what we call urine rehydrated bone powder.

Spray tanned lemmings drinking daiquiris

Start slinging insults.

Stay here, and don't move.

Suck my ass, old man!

Than I was expecting to see tonight.

That most people have no clue exist,

That went better than I thought it would.

That's not a sex thing, is it?

The baddest boy in town, and one of my faves,

The bathroom walls with my brain.

The higher the ratings, the sweeter the

The Kahlúa Crab Canoe yet. [air horn blows]

The most powerful and sociopathic creatures

The one and only Queen Inichoochiama!

The one we're going to is like Hot Topic

The only show that killing is legally required:

The Realm of Realms,

The ruler who will fuck, marry, and kill you,

The Satan I knew could slay a thousand enemies

The whole Satan thing... Mm.

The Whoopee Cushions, doing a six hour set.

Then tease with a spicy little secret about yourself.

They are you.

They don't wanna do for their mental health.

They're not just a tool you can use.

This is a taste of what it's like to be all powerful.

This will help you let go.

Through all this shit.

Title sequence. [sighs]

To do this together all the time.

To hang out in the Hamboni's parking lot, okay?

To introduce your savagery to all the realms.

To kill the Antichrist to save the world?

To spot a self saboteur when I see one.

To the number one game show in all the realms,

To urinate.

Trust me on this one.

Uh oh!

Uh...snorkel monster? More like

Until their Cialis kicks in.

We have two very special vermin.

We stick together, we're fine.

We won, baby.

We're gonna be okay. Oh! What?

Welcome Satan.

Well, I should probably head out.

What good would that have done?

What seems to be a job,

When birthing my daughter.

When you were born, part of myself transferred to you.

While taking a shit.

Who are you?

Who is supposed to bring upon Maximus Dawnus?

Whoa!

Why are you really doing this, Chooch?

Why can't you just be honest with me?

Wibby Turkle, next stop.

WIFE: You have no job, no dick.

Will our vermin survive, or will they go bye bye?

WORKER: The DMV windows...

Would know a place with a motto

Yeah, I'm toxic, okay?

You and your cutie wanna head to 'Rokey in a bit?

You and your shit are worthless.

You are so goddamn selfish.

You care more about this pact than your own daughter.

You carried him this whole show.

You couldn't have just, like,

You don't slither into Delaware from the Plorble Realm

You good?

You got a great personality, a house,

You got us stuck in this place.

You have the power...

You lure innocent Instacart shoppers

You messed up, Dad.

You need to be honest from the start.

You need to kill his confidence, or we die.

You promised tonight's the night.

You really don't know me at all.

You should feel proud.

You should see the scar from the vaginal tear I had

You think this was all I had planned today?

You thought I'd be into a puppet propaganda show

You trying to murder me or disappoint me?

You wanna give me a hint of what we're doing here?

You'd rather deal with monsters

You'll never stick me before I fry your balls.

You're a natural.

You're gonna crap your pants, you're gonna love it so much.

You're such a kind, good snorkel monster.

Your children never call because they hate you!

Your stinger's gonna sting you right back.

[chuckles] I've been pulled tighter.

[crying]

[gasps] BRAD: I wanna see Satan

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] Oh, wait, hold up.

[laughs] Of course. I use it as a tea stirrer.

[laughs] That's the one to beat.

[roars]

[roars]

[roars]

[roars] Oh, never mind.

[roars] ANNOUNCER: Here comes Typhon.

[roars] CHRISSY: [shrieks]

[scoffs] I'm going home.

[screams] ANNOUNCER: Check, please.

[shrieks] CHRISSY: She's a fucking bat!

[slurring] This looks like as good a place as any

[whimpering]

[whimpers, groans]

[whistles] Hey, cabbie!

[yells]

[yelps]

A single thrust is all I'll need.

Aah! I'll go out if you just stop talking, okay, Darlene?

Aah! Oh, damn it, Darlene!

Ah! Where are my manners?

And I'm just winging it. SATAN: Ow!

And surely you're perceptive enough to know

And then at 10:00 p. m., they sound a bullhorn,

And this is the alleged Princess of Darkness

At least I'd get a word in

Aw, come on. Yeah, I have friends to see,

Been a long time since I pulled an all nighter.

Beyond human comprehension?

Boo!

But then Tia Saltzman

But you almost died.

But you haven't even seen

Can we get a song lyric from the audience?

Chillax, we're not gonna bond over a sandwich.

Chooch, honey, what's happening?

Chrissy, she's trying to divide us.

Come on,

Come on, goofer dust, do your stuff!

Darlene, what the hell?

Darlene, why did you do that?

Darlene, you dirty old rascal.

Deep down, Laura's a good person

Dog piss aftertaste... tromaxadam?

Don't even talk to him. In fact

Don't, Darlene. Ugh, who am I kidding?

Ego monsters are triggered by compliments.

Everett. Laura. Tell you what.

Ew. Ugh.

Eww! And he's joined

Fuck yourself, you ugly elephant asshole!

Get out of the way! [grunts]

Girl Satan? What?

Give me one more shot.

Gotta admit, more skeletons

Guess being toxic isn't as easy for me

Ha! Classic Satan: minimizing a powerful woman

He just got a license to die.

He's been losing power for a long time now,

Her childhood being no picnic, you know?

Hey, Jimmy, stick this up your small snorkel dick.

Hey, thanks for getting me out of the house tonight.

Hi. Your soul is gorgeous.

Hit the gas! Hold on, baby!

Hold up, what? Yup.

Holy shit, Darlene, maybe you can handle this fucked up.

Holy shit, this is awful.

Home? Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't go.

Hot diggity dog!

How I please those Instacart shoppers

How you doin', Chooch?

Huh? SATAN: Well, this was

I brought you out to get you away

I can't hear you.

I did what you asked and what I told you I'd do.

I don't fucking know.

I don't know why I let myself believe you again.

I don't think you can handle this fucked up.

I hope he was an organ donor.

I knew something was wrong from the moment the show began.

I like this for you. It's refreshingly simple.

I missed deliberately!

I think the real issue is you have this place to begin with.

I thought you were into it. Really?

I threw it away, asshole.

I used to come here when it was a genuine piece of shit.

I wanna make you wet with your own blood.

I wanted to spend quality time with you,

I was thinking more like a diner.

I wasn't in trouble. I was totally fine.

I'm what?

I'm blasting us out of here with this goofer dust bomb.

I'm gonna open you up and see how hard your bones are.

I'm here merely as a social observer,

I'm just a single girl looking for a fun night out.

I'm not scared. I have a routine and I like it.

I'm still kind of wired. You wanna go

If that's true, that is so fucked up.

If you think a death match is how I wanna bond,

If you wanna prove to your daughter

Imagine how good it would feel

It would have helped

It's Chrissy! And Feinberg.

It's going to be fun to watch you watch him...

Jeez, that was some sweet meat you just burnt.

Jesus Christ, I wish you were dead.

Ladies' night!

Last week? Darlene, Jimmy.

Laura trapping you here is a gift to the world.

Laura? You decided to stay!

Let's just say it's not a puppet show.

Let's take this someplace private.

Listen, I get it.

Listen, I know I come off as the perky neighbor type,

Looking at your face just jump started my menopause.

Looks like the baddest boy has become the saddest boy.

Man, I really do feel this whole new connection to myself.

Meh, nah, I wasn't gonna actually die.

Mm...fine, but I'm I'm not allowed to talk.

Mum's the word.

Nice and tight.

No offense, Darlene, but you don't know what I need, okay?

No, I'm not good.

No, if you did, you wouldn't have put me

No, like lunch or something, not kill or be killed.

No, this is child endangerment.

No!

No! Motherfu

Nope.

Not true. Do you even like me?

Of course I do. What's my middle name?

Oh ho ho, Laura!

Oh, getting right to it. Okay.

Oh, go fuck yourself.

Oh, I know you're impressed,

Oh, I think he's getting tired.

Oh, Jesus, Darlene,

Oh, Jimmy, you are.

Oh, my God, I killed a man.

Oh, my God, you kidding me?

Oh, oh. NEPHILIM: [growls]

Oh, thanks! [grunts]

Oh, the place on Elm serves drinks late,

Oh, well, we're neighbors,

Oh, yeah, it's like wrestling.

Oh, yeah, that thing. Yeah.

Oh, you're one to judge.

Okay, I'm actually great at picking up on what people need.

Okay, I'm shocked that one worked.

Okay, okay. The queen is right.

Okay. [laughs]

Ooh, cutie at five o'clock. Hot tip: take his compliment.

Ooh, my Choochies.

Ow. [inhales sharply]

Queen, I choose the Manananggal.

Release the Choochie Coochies!

See, endangerment has its benefits.

She tells you a lot, huh?

Shit just got real...ID.

So how do you know Laura?

So is this, like, your, uh, home away from home?

Spit it out, you goblin fuck.

Thank you.

Thanks for all the constructive criticism.

Thanks, Tony.

That wasn't so bad. Only 23 to go.

That's great to hear.

That's insane, Chrissy, and completely untrue.

That's what girlfriends do for each other.

The fishing line marks on your hands,

The Metaphysical Realm is just one of a shit ton

The queen produces the most craven torture chambers.

The sweeter the pussy, yeah.

There are two separate men

There won't be a next time. I'm out.

These are hidden pockets on Earth

They were all pieces of shit.

They'll be facing off against our exterminators,

This has been working for you?

This is a guy I used to torture.

This is exactly why I don't have friends.

This is why your husband left you.

To an underground casino that uses Jell O shots

Two Marys, extra bloody.

Ugh, typical Laura.

Ugh! What is this, an open mic night?

Uh huh.

Uh uh, no more living like you're in witness protection.

Uh, is this part of the show?

Up next is the improv troupe

Wait, you can be hurt?

We can't all rosé the day away.

We're going to another realm?

Well, I was saving you Single White Female style.

Well, now that you're here,

What did you get us into?

What do you want more than anything in all the realms?

What? This is your best move as an all powerful being?

What? we just got here.

What? Wh what's she talking about?

What's more obvious is the needle up your sleeve.

Which means I actually have a night to myself,

Whoa, do I get to keep this?

Whoa!

Whoo! Tastes pretty damn good.

Why are you here? What's your plan?

Wow, and that's just the tip, huh?

Wow, I haven't seen anyone do something like that since...

Wow, so you no longer want

Yeah, change of plans, Darlene.

Yeah, close me out before I repaint

Yeah, I can, babe.

Yeah, that's changed.

Yeah, that's what serial killers do,

Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

Yes, totally. [screams]

You got me there. Playwright lacked subtlety.

You know how it goes: the bigger the death,

You know, Laur, one of these days,

You know, we've been friends since we were in college,

You okay, Daddio?

You son of a...

You speak in fragments.

You tortured him? He seems so nice.

You wanted you and me time.

You...

You'd think they'd have a better system by now,

You're one to talk.

You're tapping into the core of your powers.

You're with an all powerful being, honey.

Your human conditioning has kept you

"Have a Hula va good time" would be a living disease.

"I have syphilis." This is not an excuse.

[banging]

[bird shrieks]

[bird shrieks] You failed us!

[both grunt]

[both scream]

[both yell]

[casts spell]

[chain saw buzzing]

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] ANNOUNCER: Welcome once again

[chuckles] Who are you, my psychiatrist?

[creature snarls, bones crunching]

[dark dance music playing]

[dark music]

[dark music]

[distorted] No!

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[electricity zapping]

[electricity zapping] [grunting]

[electricity zapping] [yelping]

[electricity zapping] LAURA: Come on, bud.

[exciting music]

[fingers snap] Don't listen to her, honey.

[fingers snap] You must beat me.

[fireworks popping]

[flatulence] SATAN: Mmm.

[groans]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[heartbeat thumping]

[inhales sharply] Ooh, yup, that's a billy club.

[intense music]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] LAURA: Whoo!

[laughs] Look at this,

[laughter echoing]

[objects clattering]

[shrieking]

[shrieks]

[sighs]

[sighs] For junk.

[sighs] I wish I were as good as her.

[slurps] I've got a little girl to kill.

[suspenseful music]

[Taser crackles]

[tender music]

[thumping quickens]

[whimpers]

[with deeper voice] You think so?

[Yazoo's "Only You"]

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪♪

♪♪ And I'll sign the pact ♪♪

♪♪ Because I love my dad ♪♪

♪♪ But that's just a bucket of lies ♪♪

♪♪ Came back only yesterday ♪♪

♪♪ Can you hear me? ♪♪

♪♪ I want what's best for you and mankind ♪♪

♪♪ Is a real evil fellow ♪♪

♪♪ It's like a story of love ♪♪

♪♪ Let's make a contract ♪♪ SATAN: [laughs]

♪♪ Want you near me ♪♪

♪♪ You see the other angle ♪♪

♪♪ You're moving farther away ♪♪

23? Okay, fine.