☊ Galavant - Season 1 Soundboard

A big, hot mess.

A bit of tea, please.

A duel to the death!

A generous offer, My Queen,

A guy once... he took his horse through a farmers market,

A henchman that doesn't kill,

A hero doesn't cry.

A hero doesn't have feelings.

A late sleeper and a lover of dolls.

A little background on the place...

A little shortsighted.

A lot of them do weep, actually.

A midday snack, My King?

A one, two, a one, two, three, four.

A pointy hatted army approaches!

A princess?

A queen who does nothing about it.

A tartare.

A word, my... liege.

Aah!

Aah!!

About to ride into a battle so epic...

About your dead friend's hand drawn map!

Abracadabra.

Absolutely not!

Absolutely not.

Actually, I have a question.

Actually, I think I will take the sword.

Actually, I'm not legally allowed

Actually...

Adventure awaits.

After that, I guess I just tried

Again, it's a legal thing.

Against all the odds, it's, um...

Ah, here we are.

Ah, it's too late. I had to go for the stupid butt joke.

Ah, my pants are on.

Ah, please... call me Vincenzo.

Ah, well, that's the end of my set, so thank you all, and good night!

Ah, who cares? You guys couldn't get any weirder looking.

Ah, you noticed that.

All right, all right. Hold on.

All right, boss, we need an escape plan.

All right, everybody! Let's to the feast!

All right, everyone, take only the bare essentials.

All right, gang.

All right, Gareth, I bought us some time.

All right, it's worth a shot. Let's go see Xanax.

All right, shove off, me hearties.

All right.

All right. All right.

All that my country has left to offer.

All that stuff and nonsense just clouds the mind.

All the time other young men chasing spent chasing girls,

All you've done since we've left is complain.

Also, a rooster. And a jewel.

Always about you, isn't it, Galavant?

Am I just repeating everything you say as a question?

Am I right?

Am I right?!

An hour, say?

And a dog needs a strong master.

And a lot of bread.

And a nice Bordeaux from my private cellar.

And after coming all this way,

And also...

And as many women as you desire.

And being mine is probably worse.

And by "window," I mean "hole"... in the wall.

And ethnically hard to pin down.

And everyone I've ever loved?

And everyone you love gets the ax.

And everything nice, but Lord knows I much prefer that

And for my champion, I choose...

And for once, I should lie in it.

And force her to marry me,

And frankly, princess, that's the only type of hero I want to be.

And Galavant back, he'd kill my parents.

And Galavant doesn't lose a duel.

And giving in to it.

And golly, am I eager...

And handed me the priceless Jewel of Valencia.

And have to go poopy... your words.

And he doesn't seem like a very nice guy, does he?

And he is still the greatest warrior in five kingdoms.

And he mentioned you might be able to help me.

And he was just a head and a finger.

And he's coming to execute my plan.

And her?

And here we are.

And his evil, treacherous brother

And how do you plan on paying for anything, hmm?

And how does he get this hummus so creamy?

And I cannot wait!

And I did all that to be with a woman

And I do not talk nonsense.

And I don't want to be any king.

And I find it helps not to ask too many questions.

And I for one am finally just throwing my arms in the air

And I meant every word.

And I promised your little lover boy

And I say this very respectfully, Sire...

And I serve My King.

And I will help you get Gwynne into your bed.

And I will use your skin as a lap blanket.

And I won't say it again,

And I would very much like you to fix it.

And I'll supply the rest.

And I'll take the floor tonight.

And I'm pretty much 100% sure

And I've come a really, really long way to say it.

And I've got every intention of being one, Princess.

And if he gets cross, give him some salty snacks.

And if I'm not?

And infiltrate from the inside.

And introducing Mr. Cheekbones himself,

And it was the day my father died.

And it's gonna be one of those forever sort of kisses.

And King Richard said if I didn't bring the jewel

And know this... I will return for them.

And lock her up forever?

And maybe that makes me all sugar and spice

And no kissing.

And not like a king.

And now I don't know what to do.

And now it's our last night

And now, for your listening pleasure, the executioners!

And now, like every great king to come before us,

And over the years, when I wrote home, I may have exaggerated a bit.

And slice his throat while he sleeps?

And so that's why I'm...

And so, on this glorious day,

And sometimes kind of gross.

And spread bastard children throughout the land,

And spunky.

And talk about how much fun the wedding was, okay?

And that is what she chooses.

And that's my ex.

And the chickpeas so perfectly blended.

And the crescent moon is risen above the Eastern Ridge.

And the jewel or else you'll suffer the same fate...

And the last thing I think of in the eve.

And the real question is, why do you still love her?

And then you will marry him, as planned.

And then, those big, long lances.

And then... tonight...

And there was... "raaaaaah!"

And they always end badly for the downstairs people.

And they fought violently every day.

And they live almost entirely off their own crops.

And this geezer is really good on the drums.

And this road is gonna be filled with bad guys

And told him that the queen still loved him.

And watch king Richard destroy my kingdom

And we need that squire of yours to help set up the party!

And we wanted to sort of "take care" of him.

And we wouldn't be in this position we are right now.

And we'll get you signed in.

And went all over her face.

And what makes you think he'll grant you that?

And what seems like the amount of exclamation points,

And when did you learn how to dance?

And while I do, husband,

And whilst you do, I will put on my pretty purple dress

And who does all the planning?

And yet every day I have to hear it

And yet the women in your life

And you are destined to be a great hero, young Galavant.

And you can offer her great fame,

And you can offer her great fortune,

And you just won't listen, and now you're gonna die for it.

And you know what I've learned about myself?

And you tell him that every night,

And you think the king's gonna drop everything

And you tried to kiss her.

And you wear too much velvet.

And you will be well taken care of as my...

And you will instantly become the richest,

And you would have helped me?

And you're gonna be making that... sound all night.

And you're not gonna die today.

And your armor's on backwards!

And your beard magically stays the same length all the time.

And your whole kingdom's at stake.

And, Gareth, kill the eunuch.

And, of course, you know my current husband,

And, um, I was sort of wondering,

And, um, you fancy Gwynne, my hand maiden.

And, well...

And...

And... and announced to all the lands, uh...

And... you have an ability to see the best in people

Another wonderful routine, Jester.

Any luck on the Jewel, Richard?

Any man can get knocked down.

Any of the myriad of unsaid things between us.

Anyone can. It's meaningless.

Anyone here good with a sword?

Anyone?

Anything else you'd like to do for the last time?

Anyway, the point is, we've both been scorned by the same woman.

Anyway, what can I do for you gents?

Apologies for my wife.

Appetizers...

Are they gonna kiss?

Are we safe?

Are we talking about the same Madalena?

Are you drunk?

Are you hearing this, Gareth?

Are you hearing this? Now it's his queen.

Are you okay?

Are you serious?

Are you sure?

Aren't you sugar and spice and everything nice?

Arnold, you lazy fat ass! We're out of firewood!

Around the crotch that would just go "zip."

Arrr!

As bad as ours?

As eager as I am to begin this duel...

As it turns out.

As my family was slaughtered above me.

As some well groomed, ruggedly handsome,

As soon as the croaks of the frogs

As usual, I needed a better plan.

As your parents!

Ask her to take her socks off.

Ask to kiss her feet.

At least it wasn't a bleak one.

At least let's not lie to each other about that.

At the moment, so...

Attention, donkey turds!

Aw, that's so sweet!

Aw, you worried about me, Gar bear?

Babbling is when someone talks nonsense,

Babe, can you believe what I've thrown together?

Back to his kingdom, where he'll be safe.

Banana who?

Banana.

Banging out jokes with the Jester?

Based on the rotation of the earth

Be feeling guilty about a fatal plot she's put into motion

Be patient. Be ready.

Because at least she had the guts to do it to your face.

Because it's ridiculous.

Because you betrayed me?

Because, truthfully, I think we could be great together.

Because... Bleep... me, right?

Before being captured, my father hid me in the cellar

Before I invaded, pillaged, and destroyed your kingdom,

Before they kill us.

Before we have to duel to the death.

Behaving as if I'm everyone's second choice...

Big finish.

Bit of a stretch.

Bit of wind there.

Blah, blah, blah, have another drink."

Both of you promise me that right now.

Break a leg.

Break your vow, or I break your pipe.

Breathe some life back into the place, get some food and music and entertainment.

Brilliant.

Bring me the king and queen of Valencia.

Brother's trying to steal your kingdom.

Buddy... buddy books, buddy fables?

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup! All the way. Mm mmm.

Burned into my brain, sir.

Burnt by the same flame, bros before hos, all that.

But after that, I'm all about a woman's rights.

But anyway, the point is, it's the hardest thing in the world

But don't worry. Galavant's got this.

But ever since Madalena...

But Galavant stays alive.

But Galavant still lives.

But hypothetically, we'll call him "the king."

But I come from a long family of lovers.

But I don't understand. Why did you leave me for...

But I gave you an order.

But I haven't killed you.

But I haven't killed... kil...

But I need your advice.

But I will enjoy killing the girl who tried to eat my leftover man mutton.

But I'll fend them all off.

But I'm more sorry than you'll ever know.

But I'm not even sure we could both fit into my bed.

But I'm...

But I've improvised.

But if one hair on his head gets harmed,

But if you can't have vegetables,

But it always ends the same way.

But it has happened in the past,

But it was nice to be reminded

But it's only because I have a lot going on in my head and...

But let me be cryptic for a minute, will ya?!

But let me give you a couple of instructions.

But let's just keep workshopping it, okay?

But love isn't meant for people like us.

But most of all, they loved each other.

But my family.

But my parents can't stand you, and my cousin is...

But no father dreams this big.

But not just face, your brain.

But please don't give up on us.

But really... tell me more

But she's strong, and I mire strength.

But that order came from the king,

But that was before you fell for the handsome knight...

But the facial hair is nice, as well.

But they hurt my feelings.

But to our people for thousands of years.

But tomorrow, there'll likely be a new king,

But trust me, princess...

But what?

But when I win, you'll release my friends.

But wouldn't it be better to storm the castle later?

But you do babble, princess.

But you never complained.

But you should be proud of the man you are.

But you were married.

But you were yourself. You told me who you were...

But you're not fooling anyone.

But you're the king.

But your son with an "O" was my sun with a "U."

But, darling, you've barely touched your roast peacock.

But, then again, I've sworn an oath to protect the king.

But, um...

But, unfortunately, we don't have the 100 shillings.

But...

But... how?

But... what the... all that time...

By going down to the dungeon and killing everyone who's left?

Bye, everybody!

Bye, Harry.

Call it a laboratory.

Call that guard over.

Can I buy you a drink?

Can I interest you in a drink?

Can mean a lot of things.

Can we just focus?

Can you come here a sec?

Can you explain to me

Can't even sc**** together an entry fee?

Can't we just have a normal adventure?

Careful, princess.

Catapult at the ready.

Catapult.

Celebration for what?

Ch ch.

Cha ching!

Cheers.

Chef, be a doll and shove a few more cannonballs down my husband's throat.

Chef, I've killed... Most of your family, right?

Chef!

Classic misdirection.

Come on, chef! To the horses!

Come on, darling. Let's go.

Come on, Jester! Do the bit that I wrote!

Come on, let's sing Pearl's song together,

Come on, man, you must remember.

Come on, you.

Come on!

Come on! Do some more! Wait. Do me. Come on.

Come on.

Congratulations, Sid.

Cost us a fortune.

Could you make me, like, a cheesy omelette

Cousin Harry's coming?

Crazy.

Cut her face.

Dairy makes him gassy.

Devoted myself to doing something better with my life

Dickie?

Dickie.

Did Madalena want me to come for her?

Did they steal your chain mail again, young Galavant?

Did you even know I was coming?

Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?

Did you just say...

Did you know that my hometown of Valencia

Did you know that? I got it for my birthday!

Did you miss me, Gal?

Didn't have time for much else, in fact.

Do you know, I'm beginning to think you're right.

Do you like me, Gareth?

Do you really think this is the appropriate time

Do you still have any feeling, you know...

Do you think anyone would care?

Do you think I should save the kingdom and then rescue Madalena?

Do you understand?

Does everyone agree?

Does that clear things up for you?

Does that ring any bells?

Does this strap go on the front or the back?

Don't ask me. Ask the chicken!

Don't ask.

Don't call me that.

Don't get too comfortable.

Don't make me always have to be the bad guy.

Don't pull your punches! Have fun with it!

Don't tell me your squire is as dimwitted as our squire.

Don't worry, sire, we'll be fine.

Eh, I wouldn't call us close, but we hang, yeah.

Eh, it's you.

Eight hours of my life I can't get back.

Either really fat or really skinny,

Especially the living part.

Even after they've wronged you.

Even if you had nothing to gain from it?

Even the old, bald guy sent that pigeon message.

Even though I'm the one who's gonna kill you,

Every father dreams of his son being greater than he is,

Every night, she would cry out, "I made the wrong choice.

Every night, we'd gather around the town elder tree

Everybody sing!

Everybody, boogie!

Everybody, shh! A guard.

Everyone else filled their résumés

Everyone say bye bye to Izzy.

Everyone, come see my son, the knight!

Everyone, I'm going to kill my brother!

Everyone, line up. Take a free shot at the eunuch.

Everything comes back to this moment.

Everything's about to change.

Excellent.

Excellent. Tell me, what does a person do just before they die?

Fell... fell for what? Fell for him?

Figurines. Detailed figurines.

Find me the jewel, would you, dear?

Find them or I'll eat your firstborn for breakfast.

Fine by me.

Fine.

Fine. Go ahead.

Fine. If I can't win her love, I'll buy it.

Fine. If we can't beat Galavant on his turf,

First one to his feet is the winner?

First thing they teach you in jester school...

First, chef, I am so munchy.

Follow me.

For a feast that you're cooking, that I'm serving.

For bringing me back to me.

For God's sakes, Gareth. You're allowed to laugh.

For hours and hours of spontaneous, unscripted theater.

For my new friend and pretend to be his bride to be.

For old times' sake.

For realsies.

For the hundredth time, no.

For the past 10 minutes.

For when I first see him.

For you and my hand maiden.

For you, princess, I might break both of his.

For you.

For your fastest pigeon.

Forget I'm your king and talk to me like your friend.

Forget it. Guards, just seize them.

Forgive me, My Queen.

Four months ago,

Four months ago, my peaceful kingdom of Valencia...

Four months I hid in that cellar.

Galavant 01x02 Joust Friends

Galavant 01x05 Completely Mad... Alena.

Galavant 01x06 Dungeons and Dragon Lady

Galavant S01E03 Two Balls

Galavant always taught me a hero represses his feelings,

Galavant and King Richard have gone.

Galavant fights for me!

Galavant is the greatest hero of our entire kingdom.

Galavant must be helping us from beyond the grave.

Galavant planning things, looking cool.

Galavant wins!

Galavant would not stand for this.

Galavant's the complete package,

Gareth will fight for me.

Gareth, did you hear what the eunuch said?

Gareth, did you kill everyone who needed to be killed?

Gareth, do you remember the lullaby

Gareth, go take a whack at the eunuch.

Gareth, I assume you like women.

Gareth, I have a horribly scratchy throat.

Gareth, isn't that amazing?

Gareth, we agreed I would say the cool things.

Gareth, why do you always have to poop on the party?

Gareth, would you please escort Madalena down to the dungeon

Gareth?

Gareth.

Gareth...

Get creative!

Get it, girl! You the queen!

Get Madalena, and get us out of here.

Get ready. My parents are a lot.

Get up.

Get your snacks before the duel, everybody!

Getting us out of here the wrong way.

Glad to hear it. Get plucking, squire.

God, do I have to do everything around here?

God, everyone's in such moods.

Good for you. Cheers to that.

Good luck... Dickie.

Good morning, sunshine.

Good morning... sir.

Good night, sweet prince.

Good night.

Good night...

Good thing I do. Wake up, sire.

Good. You can buy me one.

Gosh.

Great love.

Great place to raise a family.

Great.

Guards!

Ha! More like "chunky"!

Ha.

Habrazamdabra, flanimal ham.

Happening around here pretty damn soon.

Have children.

Have fun changing your name when you get married.

Have I not?

Have these been open the whole time?

Have you ever heard of Xanax?

Have you gone absolutely mad?

He and his queen slept right above me.

He can't sleep at night

He cries like a baby, he cares like a woman.

He doesn't play nice.

He got me that so I could have a sit down.

He is cute.

He is my chef, and only I can execute him.

He is the lord of the...

He makes decoupage footstools as a hobby.

He may not be able to talk, but I can.

He stole my crown.

He took my bloody seat!

He was a toad.

He was cuter pre dungeon.

He will not participate in a joust like some common knight.

He would kill my parents.

He'd have to be blind not to know that his wife's getting it on with the Jester!

He'll be here tonight as the sun has cast

He's a bit of a ponce, but I like him.

He's alive.

He's also my fiance.

He's behind this. I know it.

He's in the attic.

He's not part of it?

He's trying to steal your lady,

He's walking into a trap of my own making!

He's wearing tights!

Hell, you can even send all your men to help him,

Hello, Valencia! Here's one for you.

Hello. Nice to see you.

Help me out.

Herbs? For what? F f for cooking?

Here we are, sir.

Hero, my ass.

Hey, before we do this thing,

Hey, everybody!

Hey, Gal. Come on. You're embarrassing yourself.

Hey, Gareth, did you see how excited

Hey, guys! Pre duel lunch! Come on!

Hey, I'm so excited about Isabella getting older.

Hey, I've only ever hugged one man in my life,

Hey, in that case, you guys want to see my room from when I was a kid?

Hey, it's all right, it's all right.

Hey, Keith, check this out.

Hey, look! Oh, wow! It's him!

Hey, m'lady.

Hey, Valencians.

Hey, w what are all these dudes doing

Hey, you know what?

Hey! Oh, and promise me you're not gonna say anything

Hey! That was a birthday present.

Hey.

Hi, cousin. Looking good.

Hi, pretty Izzy.

Hi.

Hm?

Hmm, so is your mama.

Hmm. This is... Cozy.

Holy cow! This is your room?!

Holy I'm out of shape.

Honestly, Gareth, I don't know what she sees in him.

Honestly, I never really thought of it that way before.

Honey, please!

Horrible.

Horse dog! Cat tails! Rat bits!

Horse shoeing or sword sharpening.

How are you?

How can you be a hero if you're not wearing any pants?

How could someone so small tell such a big lie?

How could you not tell me you were engaged?

How dare you!

How dare you?

How do you think this should go down?

How humiliating.

How long till they die?

How many Valencians does it take to win a war?

How many?

How resourceful.

How utterly predictable.

How's about this?

Huh?

Huzzah!

I am Galavant, and so help me, God, I will...

I am Mr. Butch!

I am not King Richard.

I am the king, so watch your mouth, boy.

I am trying to do something here!

I assumed you'd lost a bet.

I ate my feelings.

I beg of you, sire, stop it!

I beg to differ.

I believe you know where to stand.

I better go home, or my mom's gonna be mad.

I built a room just for you, my perfect, pretty princess.

I can do compliments.

I can get another kingdom. It's a buyer's market right now.

I can tell you want to bail.

I can't believe it!

I can't even look at any of you anymore.

I can't let a guy like that live.

I can't see anything!

I can't understand a word you say.

I cannot believe this, Gareth.

I could fry up some heirloom toadstools

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't get out of bed.

I demand an audience with the king.

I did a spell...

I did lots of it. Just saying.

I didn't have a choice. He was going to kill my parents.

I didn't play my lute for weeks.

I didn't want to sing the stupid song with you anyway!

I do not babble when I feel bad.

I do not.

I don't care.

I don't follow.

I don't give a rat's ass about your orders.

I don't have a choice, my lord.

I don't know if I can stomach another display of...

I don't know what's wrong with me, Sid.

I don't know, like, say, tonight.

I don't know.

I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about it ever since he kidnapped me, and...

I don't know. Maybe it is all going over my head.

I don't know. We, uh, used to have balls.

I don't like it when men touch my face.

I don't love you. I don't even like you.

I don't remember what happened.

I don't see how this is helping.

I don't think I want to be your future husband anymore.

I don't think they've changed anything in here since he was 12.

I don't want to bail.

I don't want to have a bleak life anymore.

I don't want to marry my cousin.

I failed in my mission, Gareth,

I feel like a kiss with Isabella could just go on forever.

I feel like you should be writing this down.

I feel...

I fell hard.

I fought pirates.

I found my Uncle's body in a well.

I gave it to him once without, and he said it didn't taste right.

I give you my word.

I got gravy on my tummy flowers.

I got to go.

I guess we'll never find out.

I had a pet goat growing up... Jenny.

I had to skin Jenny, cook Jenny, and eat Jenny.

I have a plan that will allow me to remain as queen,

I have been guilting the crap out of her down here.

I have no idea. I haven't worn these in years.

I have spent my entire life

I have traveled long and far to seek your favor.

I haven't laughed so hard in minutes.

I haven't started yet.

I hereby declare that I shall be the first royal in history

I hid in that cellar for months

I hope you're pleased with what I've shown you.

I I occasionally buy herbs from him.

I I think I know something that may help you.

I I'm just trying to stay alive,

I invade a kingdom for a jewel,

I just got you one more night to find it.

I just made it fun for me again.

I just thought you'd like to know that.

I just want to say thanks for tonight.

I just wanted clarification. Thank you.

I keep my promises,

I know a hook up from your boss

I know every single thing they're allergic to.

I know I certainly am.

I know this is unusual, but it would mean the world to me

I know what I did to you was horrible...

I know what you said, but I'm not a killer.

I know you did, my friend.

I know you need to stay focused,

I know you, Galavant.

I know you're doing this because you love me.

I know you're not a hugger, but if you were,

I know your heart, and you deserve better.

I know, but I like skinny. Like, really unhealthy skinny.

I know.

I know. I know.

I know. I know. You're working on it.

I left my napkin right there!

I like torturing. I'm pretty good at it.

I listened from below as he ordered my parents to their death.

I literally... I can't move my arms or legs. I think we trained too hard.

I live in a castle.

I love her, Richard.

I love watching you eat.

I love you, Gal.

I made a plan for us to be together.

I made damn well sure I wouldn't be in a position

I mean, but that's our thing.

I mean, either way,

I mean, he's really, really, really, really old.

I mean, it just feels like you're rushing it.

I mean, obviously, her parents couldn't be up your...

I mean, of course, we're going to open some presents,

I mean, sure, I'll kidnap a woman

I mean, that's real torture, isn't it, lads?

I mean, the age difference is so weird.

I mean, think about it.

I mean, this is a disaster!

I mean, we flirt and stuff, but when I ask her on a date, bubkes.

I mean, what I meant was virgin slayer.

I mean, when he's 30, I'll be in my early 40s.

I mean, when I do it myself, I can't get it this creamy.

I mean, why would I give all this up

I mean, yes, she's beautiful,

I mean, you know your way around a horse,

I mean... eh.

I mean... Sometimes, at times, I guess I do babble,

I meant "thank you."

I might be a dog, but at least I'm a loyal one, love.

I need a hug!

I need all the help I can get.

I need to wash up.

I need you to win this joust, and you're in no condition to do that. Do you agree?

I never had a single meal with my parents.

I never loved anyone until I loved Madalena,

I never pollinated her flower.

I now know exactly what I must do.

I now offer you this priceless jewel,

I offer forth the priceless Jewel of Valencia as collateral.

I once kept a guy alive for a week,

I realize now that I've been going about

I really feel like I'm on to something.

I really like stuff.

I really needed to get out.

I respect her vow of chastity,

I said torture them. Is there a problem?

I saved a healthy portion for me.

I say we find a tavern and hunker down for the night.

I see a door!

I see we're getting an early start this morning.

I see.

I should do some push ups.

I should have just kissed you.

I should have kissed you ages ago.

I should have shown her my magnanimous side weeks ago.

I should never have trusted Isabella.

I should probably put on something more casual.

I should probably start working up a routine with the Jester...

I should think so.

I sleep in a freaking kitchen.

I spent that time bettering myself.

I squeezed that rotten bastard to death.

I stared death in the face a dozen times,

I suggest you fall.

I suspect they're banging out a few things, yes, sir.

I swear, if I have to hear the name Galavant one more time.

I swear, it's the plague. It's not the plague.

I thank you for that, Vincenzo.

I think he may be.

I think I might have ruined our only chance,

I think I'll keep you for insurance.

I think I'm falling in love.

I think my ribs are broken.

I think we've heard enough.

I think you should have fought

I think you should start acting like a man

I think you're in a dungeon

I think you're ready.

I think you're the most wonderful...

I thought I was having a bath. This is a church.

I thought you were dead.

I throw myself at your mercy, Sir Galavant!

I told you not to make me the bad guy.

I trained in monologues, not poetry!

I tried to warn you...

I want a solid beat, but keep it peppy.

I warned you!

I was busy preparing for tonight's celebration.

I was gonna sing songs of your beauty.

I was thinking of big, strong hero moves,

I was trying to tell you this morning, but you didn't want to talk.

I will hunt you down, I will gut you,

I will kill Galavant in front of the queen,

I will reach down your throat, pull it out, and beat you to death with it!

I won.

I would beg you to meet with her.

I would wrap myself around you

I wouldn't drink that.

I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I wouldn't ride just yet.

I'd better get cookin'.

I'd love to learn a little more about how you, uh... craft a joke.

I'd really just be more comfortable if you wrote it down.

I'd really rather not.

I'll be damned if I'm working a ball in my squire's honor.

I'll be drinking an ale...

I'll come back for you.

I'll fight for you, Richard.

I'll find her that stupid jewel.

I'll get back to you.

I'll give you fat and skinny.

I'll give you five seconds to bail.

I'll have to take your life, too...

I'll just need 100 shillings for your entry fee,

I'll let you get to it.

I'll miss our banter.

I'll tell you what's happening.

I'm a dead man?

I'm a modern, 13th century man.

I'm afraid of what happens the next time I get knocked down.

I'm allowed to... Call myself that.

I'm bored. I'm leaving.

I'm embarrassing yourself.

I'm excited for you,

I'm executing Galavant in 10 minutes. Hmm.

I'm fine, mother.

I'm Gareth, and I'll faithfully serve you, My King.

I'm going back.

I'm going to conquer and kill

I'm gonna go with the fame and fortune.

I'm gonna make my peace with God...

I'm gonna make you proud, father.

I'm gonna save all of them.

I'm gonna save Madalena, I'm gonna get your kingdom back.

I'm gonna save them.

I'm gonna save us.

I'm growing weary of his voice.

I'm here to take your life.

I'm hungry.

I'm in hero mode... planning our big escape.

I'm just about to fight for our lives.

I'm looking forward to the day that Gareth will kill you.

I'm not an animal.

I'm not going anywhere, not without everyone in here.

I'm not gonna mention

I'm not gonna tell you who,

I'm not leaving her.

I'm not really a yeller.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

I'm not seeing it, baby.

I'm on a journey to save your kingdom, aren't I?

I'm only 10, but... All right.

I'm only magnanimous once every 10 years,

I'm preparing an impromptu feast for 75 uppity royals,

I'm rather finicky myself, but you...

I'm really sorry. I can't talk.

I'm sleeping well, exercising, laying off the wheat.

I'm so hungry!

I'm so sorry, Gals. I'm so sorry."

I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I...

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry I barked at you.

I'm sorry we didn't speak earlier.

I'm sorry, Gareth.

I'm sorry, milady, I must have slept in.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What is that smell?

I'm sorry. Who's this?

I'm sorry... you would actually go for him over me?

I'm sort of out of the whole "damsel in distress" business

I'm such a bully.

I'm supposed to bring Galavant to the king

I'm sure once I kill Galavant in front of her, she'll change her tune.

I'm sure that's exactly how it's going to be.

I'm sure you'll land on your feet.

I'm talking about her, of course,

I'm under a terrible amount of pressure. You have to understand that.

I've always sort of felt that that business

I've been feeding these royals my whole life.

I've been fighting a bug since the invasion.

I've been so blind.

I've been thinking.

I've been waiting for you to find that jewel

I've called you up here to catch up my brother in law/ future husband.

I've got him craving it now.

I've had a pretty bleak life, chef.

I've killed a massive amount of people this week,

I've left word with my men.

I've missed you, Gal.

I've missed you, too, darling.

I've never actually walked in anyone's garden.

I've told you your whole life to grow a pair,

I've written someone,

If even a single ounce of you was real,

If he ain't got a second pillow to hug.

If I allowed such things.

If I did, I wouldn't be your type of hero.

If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were the princess.

If I named you, I could get attached.

If I want something, I take it.

If I went like this!

If I'm gonna do what I have to right now,

If it isn't Galavant. Long time, no see, old friend.

If only there was some way that I could...

If that's what you want.

If this is my last day on earth,

If you could go along with this for just one night.

If you don't bring me Galavant, I will kill them.

If you eat that, your throat's gonna get all itchy,

If you fight for me, I will give you land, a title,

If you really break it down...

If you so desire.

If you took the time to think about it...

If you want your parents to live,

If you win, I lose my crown and kingdom.

If you're into that sort of thing.

If you're so confident about being tougher than me,

Imagine being loyal to someone your whole life.

In a few moments, we shall marry,

In a perfect skin, perfect body, perfect hair kind of way,

In fact, this one tricked you into coming all the way here

In front of Madalena's room for?

In my most intimidating voice, I'm going to say,

In relation to its position to the sun and the moon.

In retrospect, the trip through the forest of honesty

In the morning,

Interlocking little teeth

Ironically, they also hated each other.

Is a cruel and vicious man.

Is everything all right... My Princess?

Is famous for two things...

Is he that new magician I'm hearing so much about?

Is it done? Did you torture them?

Is leading Galavant right into my trap.

Is that how you see me? Hmm?

Is that you, sire? So handsome.

Is there anyone available to counsel a person

Is there lemon in there?

Is this your way of building my confidence?

Is... Anyone else uncomfortable?

Isabella told me you wanted me to rescue you.

Isn't a great job to begin with.

Isn't the smoothest thing, but...

It feels a little inappropriate, considering the circumstances.

It goes like...

It is a symbol of Valencia. It has belonged not to us,

It is about to get very messy in here.

It is catchy. I'll give you that.

It is I, prince Harry,

It is the cornerstone of My Kingdom. Wars have been waged over it.

It is time for your main event!

It occurs to me that being a squire

It takes so long to undo all the laces on my riding pants.

It was a dark and cloudy day,

It was a fleeting moment, but I saw it.

It was fun! You try it!

It was humiliating.

It was so rude!

It was the most exciting thing to ever happen to me.

It was, My King.

It works.

It would be rude to imprison your queen

It'll be fun

It's 9:03. Why am I the only one who's ever on time?

It's a little hard to tell.

It's all right to admit that you're afraid.

It's gonna be dark soon,

It's gonna go great.

It's good for his electrolytes.

It's like a buddy trip.

It's like your beautiful brain exploded all over your face.

It's nice to finally have people down here.

It's not a great idea, Sid.

It's not a great job, My King.

It's not like we were being trendy.

It's not my fault!

It's not quite right, though. What else do you know?

It's opening on its own!

It's rattling around in my head,

It's really cool!

It's starting! The poison's working!

It's the most famed and revered monastery in Valencia.

It's toad. He's cool.

It's true! I am! Always have been!

It's yummy.

Its a little tight. Seriously.

Its last shadow upon the earth

Jester, they are primed and ready, so get your jingly bells up on that stage.

Jester, um...

Join me in my chamber, would you?

Judging by the pressure

Just do the bit.

Just focus!

Just give me that!

Just go! I'll be fine. Just get everyone to safety.

Just humor me.

Just in a really good place right now.

Just nod yes or no.

Just sneak into Kingsley's bedchamber

Just so you know... I'm really sorry.

Just stick with me, kid.

Just stop it, Gareth!

Just take the keys and go.

Just tell me one thing...

Just think about it, hmm?

Just to hear some scuttlebutt about some girl?

Just wait here. I'll come get you when it's time.

Just want to make you proud.

Just... just please? Please?

Just... Try not to look scared.

Justice will be done.

Keep your chin up. Don't let them see you cry.

Kill the king, make her watch.

Kill the kings. Be the hero.

Kill your brother.

King and queen of Valencia, step forward.

King dick's not gonna know what hit him.

King Richard said if I didn't deliver the jewel and you,

King Richard, may I present Xanax The Magician.

Kingsley?

Kingsley's down with it.

Knights suck.

Known as my hand maiden?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Last meal.

Leave me, too. Be that guy.

Leave my parents be.

Leave them be, or so help me, I will kill you myself.

Let "manscape" spin his wheels over there. It doesn't matter.

Let me ask you this, then.

Let me ask you...

Let me worry about that.

Let's get to know each other, my future wife.

Let's go take back my kingdom!

Let's have that drink.

Let's just free my parents,

Let's just say there's this standing king.

Let's keep that last part just between the two of us.

Let's see.

Let's throw these poor bastards a ball,

Let's... let's do this.

Like a leather jacket made of love.

Like I'm back to my old self again.

Like wildflower seeds.

Like with Madalena.

Listen, chef...

Listen, Galavant...

Listen, Gareth, I'm moved, but I've made my bed,

Listen, I know Richard's keeping something from me.

Listen, I remember what I said last night,

Listen...

Little guy time between frenemies

Look around.

Look at his shiny little hat, toad.

Look at them all...

Look, here's the thing.

Look, I know you have a lot on your plate,

Look, I'd love to help. Really, I would.

Look, I'll play any part you want me to play here.

Look, I'm sorry our date didn't work out.

Look, if you want your wife to respect you,

Look, there are three factions of warring royals here

Look, you don't have to feel bad.

Looked just like you, but... older, more wrinkly.

Looks like it's time for dinner.

Lot of dolls for a boy.

Love is... Strange.

Love, mom."

Lovely.

Madalena absolutely destroyed me.

Madalena and I never even...

Madalena got about this party?

Madalena never loved me.

Madalena, I have traveled 1,000 miles to see you.

Madalena, I've got something to say,

Madalena?

Madalena? But I'm coming to rescue you.

Madalena.

Maddie, baby... chill.

Make the best of it, right?

May I present a late entry to the joust,

Maybe because you've got to fight me to the death

Maybe I will!

Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow,

Maybe someone who's small and cute

Maybe this is what we're looking for.

Mazel tov!

Me. Me. Me. Me.

Merlin's replacement?

Middle class community, lots of sheep sheering,

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Excuse me.

Mm hmm. Pick up your sword.

Mm, rumor has it that you like a good warm up.

Mm, still stings, doesn't it, hero?

Mm!

Mm! Eunuch, front and center.

Mm! Mnh. What is this?

Mm?

Mm.

Mm. Good idea.

Mm. Mm hmm. This one's coming on horseback.

Mm. The "your mama" jokes, they're getting really old.

Mom, dad, there's something I need to tell you.

Mom! It's a laboratory!

Mommy.

More than you had.

More, more. More?

Most powerful woman in the land.

Move along.

Mwah!

My child, if you argue, I'm never gonna be able

My cousin... Prince Harry.

My cousin's coming to save us.

My crown!

My dear girl...

My dear, little, dinky brother, untouched by war and women.

My destiny lies beyond the castle walls, mother.

My entire family either killed or imprisoned.

My father is a man's man who never got a male heir,

My father used to tell stories of you,

My father was wrong.

My father?

My God.

My hair is a disaster.

My master hasn't had a sip of his grog

My mind and my heart would be clouded

My own wife tries to trick me into killing my favorite chef

My pants are definitely on.

My parents completely plotzed.

My parents were people of massive, massive appetites.

My parents', my kingdom's, and now my queen's.

My peaceful kingdom of Valencia fell under attack from a rival land.

My people were taken captive.

My people will treat you like a princess, Princess.

My queen needs me.

My wife really wants that jewel of yours.

N o o o o!

Nah.

Necessitates a pre duel welcome feast.

Never get married.

Never knew what she meant.

Never let them see you cry.

Never mind.

Never seem to honor that nobility.

Never start a marriage with a kidnapping.

Next, I'm breaking up with you.

Next!

Next.

Nice beard.

Nice kiss. I hope he remembers it.

Nice meeting you. Door's on the wall.

Nice.

Night night.

No idea, My King.

No more games, Galavant.

No one gives me anything.

No one has it as bad as I do, Gareth.

No one here likes you, so go.

No one thought to check?

No point in getting attached if tomorrow, we'll both be dead.

No reason why you wouldn't keep on living.

No, he's got this.

No, I can't. It's impossible!

No, I don't think so.

No, I had an old servant, name of Pearl.

No, it's disgusting.

No, milady.

No, my darling.

No, no, no, no. I thought you and I were going to fight.

No, no, no! It's not nice to fight!

No, no, son.

No, no. Big joust coming up.

No, really. I mean how?

No, she's not because you keep doing

No, t that's not fair. I was gonna choose him.

No, thank you.

No, that's not it. It's more...

No, this plan, this whole thing.

No, you're not gonna die today.

No!

No! Galavant, help!

No.

No. I guess not.

No. It's my much older brother, Kingsley.

No. No. No, I don't think that's been invented yet.

No. There's not a problem.

No...

None of you are coming, except you.

Nope. I'm gonna save it.

Normally when I yell at you, you get tummy cramps

Not a word.

Not couch it in a riddle.

Not funny at all, sir.

Not in the hundreds of miles we traveled

Not once.

Not one hair.

Not quite yet.

Not so tough, are you now,

Not sure who the black kid is.

Not the meathead in the can!

Not to think too much about what I was eating anymore.

Not you. You're coming with me.

Nothing in between.

Nothing, darling. Nothing going on.

Nothing.

Now here you are, having to fight my stupid brother.

Now let her go.

Now sic 'em.

Now the magic words.

Now you're just going into a lot of specific details,

Now, as you know, I've burnt all your crops...

Now, Gareth and I could surely fight all night to an even draw,

Now, I don't want either one of you to leave your bedchamber

Now, I know we've had our ups and downs.

Now, I know, at times, she can come off as a bit, um...

Now, I serve the king, so I only follow his orders.

Now, if we could just get rid of the guards...

Now, if you'll excuse me, we have to go get freaky.

Now, let me ask you one question. I've tried to be kind to you.

Now, she's not like "the king."

Now, where were we?

Now... pick up your sword.

Of chefs in my family.

Of course she has.

Of course, darling.

Of course, if you get in my way,

Of course. Wait. What?

Offer to pay him with the jewel.

Oh absinthe. It's not strong.

Oh, a thousand apologies.

Oh, and one more thing. They think you're my squire.

Oh, and you won't be needing this.

Oh, boy.

Oh, but do hurry.

Oh, but make no mistake.

Oh, but, Kingsley, it's your destiny.

Oh, come on. I've come a long way.

Oh, come on. That was good.

Oh, dear.

Oh, do you?

Oh, for God's sake, Jester!

Oh, Gal.

Oh, Gareth, I try so hard to please her.

Oh, Gareth.

Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, we should find a place.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Ow.

Oh, God. She's the worst.

Oh, God. You must feel really bad. You're babbling.

Oh, good God. Do I have to do everything?

Oh, good, you're here.

Oh, good. You're here.

Oh, great. Another musical number.

Oh, have mercy.

Oh, I am so turned on right...

Oh, I came up with the most perfect line

Oh, I don't even know if she'll say yes.

Oh, I see it now. That was a horrible idea.

Oh, I think I have a set the Jester can work with.

Oh, I wish you were my cousin so I could marry you.

Oh, I... I wouldn't know.

Oh, I'm nobody, princess.

Oh, I'm really sorry, Gal. I hope we can be friends.

Oh, I've done a lot more than that.

Oh, isn't he adorable?

Oh, it's definitely going over your head, sir.

Oh, it's fine, My King. Don't worry about it.

Oh, just let it go!

Oh, look at that.

Oh, look, it's the little stickman in the red.

Oh, man, this robe is really itching my junk.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's me.

Oh, my God. You're right.

Oh, my wife.

Oh, no.

Oh, of course you are, my darlings.

Oh, of course...

Oh, please, just stop the torture and kill me already.

Oh, please. Heroes don't stretch.

Oh, poop!

Oh, really?

Oh, right. That's me.

Oh, sorry. I really had to pee.

Oh, thanks for putting in the work, darling.

Oh, thanks, dad.

Oh, that reminds me.

Oh, that's terrible. That's just terrible.

Oh, the first time I saw your son,

Oh, they love him. I think it's sweet.

Oh, this is going to be such a hoot!

Oh, trust me, sir,

Oh, uh, Princess Isabella isn...

Oh, uh... yeah, sure.

Oh, we're just here for the jokes.

Oh, well, at least he stopped talking.

Oh, what do you want, Sid?

Oh, what the hell.

Oh, wonderful. What songs do you know how to play?

Oh, would you please stop putting me in this position?

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes, I want to bail...

Oh, yes, I'm wearing tights! I'm so dainty!

Oh, yes. That would have been a hoot.

Oh, you left your clothes on underneath.

Oh, you're so pretty.

Oh!

Oh! Did I mention slaying?

Oh.

Oh. Autograph, please!

Oh. Good.

Oh. Here we go.

Oh. Here.

Oh. I guess I buy that.

Oh. Never mind.

Oh. Okay.

Oh. Toad spotted it. You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Oh... oh, you want to go there?

Oh... Shouldn't be an issue.

Ohh, my tummy hurts.

Ohh, that's better.

Ohh, times that tough since Madalena see'd ya later, huh, Gal?

Okay, couple of things.

Okay, Gang. It's time to go.

Okay, hang on a sec.

Okay, here's the plan.

Okay, I know you two have been working really hard.

Okay, I've got to go kill a king.

Okay, okay, fine. I'll go.

Okay.

Okay. Everyone ready?

Okay. It will be my pleasure.

Okay. Well...

Old woman, sweet face, big, gigantic boobs.

On the house?

On the same day I'm going to die.

One joust for all the marbles!

One night, Sid. Then we hit the road.

One of them.

One of you is gonna knock me out and take my keys.

Only I can offer her

Only one thing is certain.

Only person who ever loved me, old pearly.

Oof.

Ooh, how about on a Wednesday?

Ooh, my chef! Talk to me, kiddo.

Ooh, my tea! Thank you very much.

Ooh, sweet!

Ooh!

Ooh! Third person alert.

Open your drawbridge! Here comes the cannonball!

Or do you think I should rescue, then save?

Or do you want to kill him in the neck?

Or in a song.

Or maybe that your brother has decided

Or the meals we shared?

Or you won't be ready when your moment comes.

Or... "Joust! 1,000 shillings grand prize"!

Or... Do I cook in my room?

Orange who?

Orange.

Our cabbage festival and our theater program.

Our faces got unusually close...

Our family tree goes straight up... no branches.

Our first finalist, Sir Jean Hamm!

Our parents have arranged for us to wed.

Our Sid sings like a freaking angel.

Our Sidney.

Our stars are finally aligning

Over and over again.

Over rudeness and sarcasm and back spasms!

Over the course of many, many hours of theater.

Ow! Hold on.

Ow.

Oy vey.

Oy, what a knight! Hey!

Pack lightly. There's a long journey ahead.

Party's over.

Pearl only loved you because your parents paid her to.

Pearl used to sing to us when we were boys?

Pearl was our nanny.

Perhaps his humor flies over your head, then.

Perhaps my favorite conversation ever

Perhaps they're up your butt.

Perhaps you can make some progress convincing the king and queen of Valencia

Pick any adjective to describe this ball.

Play along? Do you mean, like, act?

Please do! So scared!

Please stay hydrated.

Please, Gareth!

Please, sir.

Please...

Plus, he's... my cousin.

Pompous.

Pray for a quick death and a proper burial.

Pretty girl, tiny waist, big eyes?

Prince Harry is my cousin.

Princess Isa babble.

Princess Isabella Maria Lucia "Elisabeet... " Bet...

Princess, as long as Galavant's alive,

Princess, can we swap horses?

Princess, I'm a knight of the seven realms

Princess?

Prisoners...

Probably even worse than what Madalena did to you,

Protocol dictates the arrival of a fellow royal

Put you against your best friend.

Ready. Let's do this.

Really hoping for better turnout.

Really love each other, you know?

Really?

Really? 'Cause Galavant's map says we go right.

Really? What?

Regardless, it is very rude of Galavant

Regular spots, please. Thank you very much.

Ribbit.

Richard, could we please just eat separately?

Ridiculous!

Right in the front of your pants that zip together.

Right now, aren't you, huh? Hmm?

Right, princess. You ready to get your kingdom back?

Right, so, fancy dolls.

Right. Let's get you started.

Right. Okay. Well...

Right. Thanks again.

Right. We'll hug later. Good talk.

Right. What happened to him?

Rot in hell!

Rough night?

Ruined it. Thanks.

Ruler of Hortensia and my mommy's special big boy.

S01E07 My Cousin Izzy

Screamed at his queen, and each night I would be left

See, that's what I thought you said.

See, that's what I'm talking about!

See? This is why I don't have guy friends.

Selling your rat bits, pretending everything's okay.

Seriously, Jean. It's getting really worn out.

Sha'!

Shall we?

She brings with her an opportunity.

She can be a

She fell softer...

She had nothing to do with this.

She knocked me down, Princess. Is that what you want to hear?

She made it fun, made a game of it.

She must have left some maidens back home.

She never let me walk through her garden.

She really gets a kick out of that damn Jester.

She served me every meal.

She was saying, "I'm so sorry, Gal."

She's a pretty young thing, isn't she, Gareth?

She's going to be so surprised!

She's got bunions, gnarled knuckles, warts.

She's got feet like a 90 year old troll.

She's the first thing I think of in the morning

She's the worst!

She's watching.

Shh! Lower your voice!

Should have done this before they killed Galavant.

Should never happen until two people

Shut up!

Shut up.

Sid, eat, eat. Y you're wasting away!

Sid, fetch me a drink.

Sid, I'm in.

Sid, if anything should happen to me, look after them.

Sid, she's a keeper!

Sid, the feldman boy wants to draw you,

Since we invaded this wretched kingdom a year ago!

Sir Galavant will fight the first match.

Sir Galavant wishes to enter the joust.

Sir Galavant,

Sir Galavant, we will advance you to the final on merit.

Sir Galavant!

Sir Galavant? An honor.

Sir... when you hired me to be your squire,

Sit.

So annoying.

So are you gonna, as they say...

So as you head off to your life and death duel,

So from time to time, I humored him and let him treat me as one.

So handsome!

So happy you came.

So I could kill you.

So I don't know what to do.

So I made a blanket rule... no kissing.

So I read, I trained, I learned languages.

So I'll believe you.

So I'll put it in the same ballpark as the rooster, then?

So I've come up with a plan

So just let this happen.

So many songs, so many asides.

So mean.

So peaceful.

So she can save her ex boyfriend.

So sorry to interrupt.

So that they may begin their nocturnal dance.

So we'd have to find our characters

So what's happening?

So when it inevitably happened...

So who's first?

So you definitely got this, right?

So, a little wrinkle.

So, are we keeping the rooster or eating the rooster?

So, basically, you made a deal with the evil king,

So, Gareth, have you found me any musicians?

So, I lied to Galavant

So, ideas?

So, if you keep ignoring

So, like 9:00?

So, me, you, dinner tonight, my place.

So, tell us about your new lady friend, Sid.

So, thank you...

So, that's the king and queen of Valencia,

So, this is getting a little bigger than I anticipated.

So, this is it, my hometown.

So, uh, yeah. I flipped it.

So, um, last night, a lot of things were almost, kind of said.

So, worst place ever.

So, yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid.

So, you didn't want me to come?

So... at the age of 8, I swore off love.

So... what about your knight?

Some rat bits for the pretty little lady...

Some unsqueezed lemons.

Somebody else can sit on their ass and rule.

Someone who will fight with you, not against you.

Someone's coming to help execute my plan.

Something super cazh.

Sometimes, we wouldn't even have a script that night.

Son, don't marry her.

Sorry, Gal. I'm gonna have to cut you off.

Sorry.

Sorry. I got distracted.

Sorry. I was just catching people up.

Sorry. That was annoying.

Sounds lovely, Sid. One tiny question.

Spare no expense... Fresh oysters, braised rabbit,

Speak.

Speaking of wifey, is she still locked up there

Speaking to you is one of my favorite things to do.

Start acting like Galavant, and do something already?

Still, it's fine.

Still, you've got a nice way about you.

Stop being dumb. Call this off.

Stop it! I'm ticklish!

Stop with the singing and get back to what you're good at.

Stop!

Story of my life.

Straight up, Isabella.

Stupidest king in all the land!

Surely I deserve some kind of backstory.

Surprise her with the jewel, and then finally bed

T the queen's interviewing new consorts.

Take him outside.

Take it out.

Take me there.

Take the offer to be my shag hag.

Takes a little while to kick in with a strong willed...

Taking up space where fight thoughts should be.

Talking, feelings...

Tea for the king!

Tell her, Gareth.

Tell her, Sid. Didn't I say that earlier?

Tell him, Izzy.

Tell me what you think of me. Roast away.

Tell you what. Let's table this for the time being.

Tensions are high, and maybe take five?

Terrific.

Testosterone.

Than wasting it on love.

Thank you so much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, thank you!

Thank you, Xanax.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks again for the drink.

Thanks!

That everyone can hear.

That goes in.

That I'd take care of you.

That I'm gonna be his champion, and for the first time ever,

That involves gaining King Richard's confidence

That is amazing!

That is exactly what I'm doing.

That is so nice to hear.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

That man is an animal!

That must mean Galavant is dead.

That old geezer of a brother of yours, kicked his ass,

That should cover it.

That sounds awful.

That stupid "evil king whisper" thing

That the Valencians have religious aversions to meat,

That thing your dumb dad drilled into your head.

That was a long song.

That was amazing!

That was kind of brave.

That would be me.

That, my lady, was a knight getting off his high horse.

That's an interesting proposition.

That's an order from your king.

That's better.

That's going to do it for me.

That's it?

That's it.

That's magic.

That's more cinematic.

That's my boy!

That's my full range of motion.

That's not that ridiculous.

That's right.

That's right. There is nothing going on.

That's us. I'm not giving up on us.

That's very good.

That's why I needed to have the toothpicks made.

That's why she wears her socks in bed.

The brown.

The carrot getting stuck in the teeth.

The conquering hero returns!

The girl is 100 pounds soaking wet.

The glamour and swagger?

The hero is the man who gets back up.

The hooves and the crushing and s screaming, so...

The Jewel of Valencia is not collateral.

The Jewel of Valencia is priceless.

The king and I are tight. We'll be fine.

The king convinced us it would be funny.

The king didn't give me a head count.

The king is having a secret meeting

The king is scratching.

The king needs to get his sleep.

The most delicate flower in the seven realms.

The night before you'll probably kill me!

The point is, Queen Madalena,

The poor.

The princess has fallen for the noble knight.

The Princess Isabella Maria Lucia "Elisabeeta"...

The queen is really proud of her feet.

The Russian bathhouse like steam surrounding you and Isabella,

The smell, though, not so great.

The sun's almost perfect for hero lighting.

The thing is, is Wednesdays are quite hard to rhyme with.

Their daughter... she annoys me...

Then do something about it, little dicky.

Then he gets married to this rump fed basket cockle,

Then I can watch you watch him die.

Then I can't have my mind or my heart clouded.

Then neither shall I.

Then what happened?

Then why didn't you act happy to see me?

There appears to be a rather large hole in my bucket,

There he is!

There it is.

There should be a standardized system

There still are good hearted people in the world.

There was a moment tonight.

There we go.

There's all that fame and glory?

There's bottles of water in easy reach.

There's braised rabbit and Bordeaux, your favorites.

There's fat on this piece. I don't like it.

There's gonna be some pretty legendary hero ing

There's someone here to see you.

These are all inspiring and valid points.

These are our executioners,

These pirates will take you and the king

These royal games have been going on for centuries, chef,

These things have a way of... working themselves out.

They already expect these guys to perform at the castle.

They have a certain image of me, and I am just so sorry.

They left me here in my under armor, father.

They loved everything... they loved food. They loved drink.

They won't die, but at the very least,

They're gonna write songs about this one, so...

They're not all that bad, are they?

They're your parents.

Think of me as a spiritual guide.

This absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

This ends badly.

This ends with us dead...

This is a long time coming, brother...

This is a man who slays dragons.

This is a terrible idea.

This is a... Kind of disgusting little workstation, isn't it?

This is all very exciting, My King,

This is everyone we have left.

This is fun, right?!

This is Galavant. He wants to joust.

This is gonna to be fun.

This is it.

This is messed up, princess!

This is my moment of glory.

This is so not how I wanted to do this!

This is the day my father died.

This is the writing of a happy queen

This is your moment, Galavant.

This isn't just a church.

This isn't luck.

This just took a fun turn.

This neighborhood looks a little dodgy.

This place has gone soft...

This place is horrible.

This sucks.

This thing with her is just so big.

This whole thing's gotten completely out of control.

This will be fun.

This'll be a good time.

Through the skylight when the guards weren't looking.

Throw lover boy in a dungeon.

Tickle, tickle, tickle!

Time of my life.

Times are tough. Drink up.

To anyone about that thing I said.

To be honest, I don't know how to feel.

To be honest, I've rather grown to like it.

To be late to his own killing.

To call myself a magician anymore

To fight his own duel!

To find out why he is the way he is.

To find someone who is true to themselves, and it's the thing I love most about you.

To get fat and pregnant and grow my own food?

To live in forever.

To make it back in time for their big finish.

To tell me all this?

Tommy, come on. It's me.

Totally understand. Totally empathize.

Try that now. It's all magic.

Turned him into a human ish... Type thing.

Turns out he wasn't my type.

Turns out you were right.

Two months ago, you were imprisoned in a cellar.

Ugh!

Uh huh.

Uh, father, this is Princess Isabella.

Uh, hi.

Uh, it's...

Uh, uh, oh, well, my... my research shows

Uh, we... we mainly just know death, My King.

Uh, we're here to see Xanax.

Uh...

Uh... Don't worry.

Ultimately reminded me what it means to be a real knight.

Um, why are we back in the dungeon?

Um...

Unfortunately, you burned all their crops during the invasion.

Unless you want to get a drink.

Until you've worked out a complete set.

Up here, we want to go left.

Up to the throne room, now! All of ya!

Usher in the raven's last call.

Using my wits.

Valencia.

Valencian Monks all take a vow of singing.

Valencians, who's hungry?

Very impressive.

W wait, wait, wait, wait!

W we got more than a pesky entry fee.

Was our four hour analysis of what sid's "thank you" meant.

Was that too much to ask?

Waste of space. So cool. A... Bleep...

Watch this.

Watching your best friend kill you, Dickie.

Water for our horses, and a bath for my friend.

Way to keep it high and tight.

We all know who you're talking about, Gareth.

We are not losing that jewel!

We are so proud of you, Sidney.

We believe in you, Galavant. We trust you.

We bought him that armor for his 16th birthday.

We can always pick up odds and ends on the road.

We celebrate the union of our greatest king!

We could settle this with a duel.

We could, uh, we could do a picnic, you know?

We don't know how to read.

We don't know where they are.

We had nowhere else to go.

We have a deal.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

We have a priceless jewel we can't spend and a 6 foot hero we can't eat.

We have to celebrate.

We hinted at some budding feelings,

We leave tomorrow at sunrise.

We literally named you "Kingsley."

We lost perspective.

We may actually have a few things to talk about.

We may need to clear the throne room.

We need to find more activities we can do together.

We seek shelter...

We shall choose a champion to fight in our stead

We stand a chance of being rescued.

We thought we should leave them wanting more.

We used to sit around the elder tree

We were gonna live in a cottage by the sea.

We were gonna make love, plant a garden...

We were just... in the neighborhood,

We'll bring him to our own.

We'll get to see them in a great deal of discomfort

We'll mourn later.

We'll pack up shop.

We'll stop here.

We'll stop the pillaging and the killing,

We'll talk later. I love the hat.

We'll work something else out.

We're all gonna live happily ever after.

We're eating the rooster.

We're engaged.

We're going to do it!

We're gonna get your kingdom back.

We're gonna have about an hour to move about the castle.

We're just gonna sneak in with them

We're not going to just sit in bed and open gifts

We're so excited about our wedding, aren't we, Sid?

We're... doing... it.

We've been in that dungeon a really long time.

We've been prisoners a long time.

We've been riding for days. The horses need to rest.

We've come to get you out of here.

We've got a castle to storm.

We've trained for this. You're ready for this.

Welcome to Richard's journey

Well played. You're dismissed.

Well, actually, my dear...

Well, another party for the fancy folk that get to bathe once a month.

Well, aren't you rudeness and sarcasm and everything...

Well, finally, somebody said it.

Well, fine!

Well, hello, there!

Well, hello...

Well, how the hell are we supposed to get up there?

Well, how's that for timing?

Well, hurry! Bless me before my soul escapes!

Well, I found out earlier today, and as soon as I did,

Well, I guess it's time.

Well, I knew you cared.

Well, I say let's execute the chef.

Well, I think that was just ego stuff.

Well, I was a golden child around here.

Well, I will go and compliment the Jester.

Well, I, for one, am willing to put in the work in this relationship.

Well, I'll be damned.

Well, I'm adopted.

Well, I'm so sorry if I upset you

Well, it just so happens

Well, it's been a pleasure.

Well, it's delightful. Just delightful.

Well, it's too late now, isn't it? It's out there.

Well, it's... No big deal, really.

Well, let's just say

Well, my father cried.

Well, my husband and I have lived here 40 years,

Well, none of that matters now.

Well, now you're just being mean to me so I'll go.

Well, perhaps if you'd told me, we could have made a plan.

Well, seems like you kids have lots to talk about.

Well, sucks for me.

Well, that doesn't sound like me.

Well, that was ripping!

Well, that's a mouthful.

Well, that's good, because it just so happens...

Well, that's the least of our problems.

Well, then the deal is off.

Well, this already sounds like a song.

Well, um, I just think...

Well, unfortunately, we executed all their musicians,

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well...

Well, well...

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, who do we have here?

Well, who's going to fight for me?

Well, why don't you help yourself wake up

Well, why don't you stop working on it,

Well, why not? I've already drunk half of it.

Well, would you look at that?

Well, you've let me down terribly.

Well...

What an easy journey this has been.

What are those... fables? [Muttering]

What are we doing?

What are you doing here?

What are you talking about?

What are you two yabbering about?

What can I do?

What can I say?

What did he say?

What did you people do around here for fun?

What did you say after I said, "nice meeting you. Door's on the wall"?

What do you expect me to do,

What do you say?

What do you want?

What else did you do around here for fun?

What else?

What happened to the other chef?

What happened to you?

What has happened to you?

What in God's name is going on here?!

What is happening?

What is wrong with you?

What kind of kingdom are you running here?

What the hell is going on?

What the hell, man?

What the hell?

What thing? About me being a virgin.

What visitor?

What was that?

What you're saying is...

What, in this outfit?!

What, what?

What, you think you've got it bad?

What?

What? Hey, no! No!

What? Never mind.

What? No.

What? You're coming with me.

What? You're not going to kill us?

What?!

What... you're gonna train me?

What's happening?

What's he doing here?

What's next? What do you think?

What's that smell?

What's the word?

What's this?

What's with the awkward silence?

What's your type?

When he tells me to fetch, those are my favorite moments.

When I make a promise, I keep it.

When I sat down over there, I said it, didn't I?

When I was 8, my parents ran out of food,

When I was a baby, an older couple found me on their doorstep and took me in.

When that doesn't work, I want you to tell him this...

When the barking of the hounds wakens the fairies in the evening

When we have such a special visitor.

When you care about somebody...

When you love someone, you shout it from the rooftop,

Where am I?

Where are the kitchen trolls?

Where do you think they're keeping your parents?

Where else would I be?

Where have you been?

Where I'd have to eat my favorite pet again.

Where I'm to serve snacks and a light refreshment

Where is everybody going?!

Where is that pox ridden sack of deformities

Where's that bloody door?

Whew!

Which could lead to the demise of someone she's grown a little fond of?

Which is what I'm doing right now.

Which one?

Which... which? This one, this one.

While sloppily eating oversized turkey legs.

While we watch from a safe distance

Who chose a fierce and cruel man over my unconditional love.

Who do I have to disembowel around here to get a cup of tea?

Who does that to my favorite crown?

Who knows, sire? Maybe you'll win.

Who might, through no fault of her own,

Who would like nothing more than to have their way

Who, hypothetically, we'll call "the queen."

Who? Me?

Who's decided to take control and set a secret, evil plan in motion.

Who's that person?

Whoa!

Whoa. It looks like someone couldn't do anything

Whoa. There's some serious acoustics down here.

Whose lousy insurance comes without a dental plan?

Why am I like this?

Why are you just repeating everything I say as a question?

Why are you so calm?

Why can't we change the ending?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why do I continually allow people to treat me this way?

Why do I even talk to poor people?

Why don't you let the king feed himself in front of his wife?

Why you're fighting for the man who's imprisoned us?

Why, just a few days ago,

Why?

Will do, My Queen.

Will everybody just shut up?!

Wiped them out all out, My King.

With a little hemlock vinaigrette.

With nothing but the power of our imaginations.

With only the sobs of that poor woman.

With skills that would impress me...

With some ham chunks, potatoes fried in bacon grease?

With your tight, brown body.

Without my spit in it in years.

Wonderful.

Wondering if the woman that put you there loves you.

Would have seemed like an appropriate time.

Would you just do that for me, please?

Wow.

Xanax can help anything.

Xanax?

Y you see, because that's the most unlikely place.

Yada, yada, and everyone's happy.

Yay! There's much to plan.

Yeah, 9:00.

Yeah, I burped. Do you whiff it?

Yeah, I'm really not a fan.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah. About time.

Yeah, just carry on. It's fine.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, she took the legs right out from under me.

Yeah, that's all I got.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, to overcompensate.

Yeah, um, feel the need to check in,

Yeah, well, I had a plan, as well.

Yeah, well, um, maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.

Yeah, what is it? A party?

Yeah... f for cooking.

Yep.

Yes, and we will, and we're gonna kiss,

Yes, Gareth, he'll be here at 9:00.

Yes, m'lady.

Yes, My King.

Yes, My King. Very exciting.

Yes, my turtledove.

Yes!

Yes.

Yes. I've got this.

Yes... My King?

Yet oddly delicate featured plaything?

You actually have a lot of nice qualities...

You and I talking, listening, sharing, learning about one another.

You are so noble.

You bring that pretty little smile of yours,

You can have the fat one.

You can't fight genetics.

You cannot write this stuff!

You could do your business and be done with it.

You could find yourself in the permanent friend zone.

You cut down the elder tree.

You deserve to be with someone who will lift you up as a man,

You didn't have time?

You didn't have to kill a soul, but you finally got your moment.

You didn't insist?

You do it quite well.

You don't have a choice, son.

You don't have to hide your feelings to be a hero.

You don't think she loves me?

You don't turn your ear.

You don't want your mind cloudy,

You find out what he has up his sleeve,

You find something that rhymes with "sarcasm" and makes sense,

You go on being adorable,

You got to butch up for her a little bit.

You got to man up.

You guys are going to love this.

You guys aren't having any fun, are you?

You have a family of spiders in your hair.

You have a skinny left calf and a crooked...

You have a very bleak view of the world, Gwynndolyn.

You have always been my most loyal friend, Gareth.

You have my permission to make the most romantic of meals tonight

You have no idea how mortified I am, sir.

You have the jewel and you have Galavant.

You haven't looked this pretty since our engagement ceremony.

You hear that? They're cheering.

You heard the king... if I win, he frees us.

You just got a promotion.

You just... eat.

You keep acting like a prat.

You kept only a small portion of vegetables for yourself.

You killed his father before him.

You know I can hear you, right?

You know the expression "it takes a village"?

You know what I think?

You know what, Jean? It's... it's 1256.

You know what? I think...

You know what? That is really close.

You know what? We'll go your way.

You know what? You stay detached and apathetic, Galavant.

You know you're talking, right?

You know, honey,

You know, I think I'll pass.

You know, I think you really just have to get to know her.

You know, I've always been curious.

You know, I've tried to tell you time and time again.

You know, someone should come up with something

You know, sometimes, I see this glimmer in you.

You know, the truth be told,

You know, this is nice, us co hosting like this.

You know, why I am the way I am,

You love your parents, don't you, my dear?

You made me cry so hard I could barely breathe.

You mean because you betrayed me, you thought they would hang me?

You might already be dead.

You must have felt badly.

You need to be more of a geezer.

You need to man up.

You never abandoned me, never spit in my ale.

You never hear of anyone storming a castle on a Wednesday.

You only babble when you feel really bad.

You pillaged our peaceful kingdom, killed half our army.

You realized you could grow to love me.

You really don't have to thank me for anything.

You really hurt my feelings, Izzy.

You said her pretty brain exploded

You saved me?

You saw the best in me and...

You see the toilet? It's basically a window.

You see, it's not so bad.

You see, you will bring me Galavant

You see?

You shall be the king's guard.

You should come, too.

You should have just said "worst place ever."

You should have seen your face!

You should stretch.

You sleep in the kitchen?

You smell. Really bad.

You sound like a witch.

You step one foot in that castle

You sure can't!

You sure it was her?

You sure you want to save this place?

You tell him that I, king Richard, have invaded your kingdom.

You tell him that king Richard is a...

You tell me where the jewelry is,

You two aren't cousins or anything, are you?

You upheld your end of the bargain, so I'll uphold mine.

You want to kill him in the head,

You were a bit of a mess, sir.

You were like, "aah!"

You will join me in my bed.

You will travel to find Galavant.

You would listen while he screamed at his queen...

You... Don't hear it?

You... you don't think about it.

You'll be great.

You'll do anything for them.

You'll get the jewel and set my parents free,

You'll never see the jewel again.

You'll see. I'm going to wear you down.

You're [Bleep].

You're a dog, Gareth.

You're a hero, and heroes get back up.

You're adorable.

You're all inept!

You're close with the king, aren't you?

You're doing your strong and silent hero thing.

You're getting dangerously close to paying me a compliment.

You're going to grow to love me just like Pearl did.

You're going to look so handsome in your armor.

You're gonna have to either lose or gain a lot of weight.

You're having dinner tonight with smallpox over here.

You're inept.

You're joking.

You're just gonna humiliate me all day long or...

You're little Valencian princess

You're no hero. Who are you?

You're not gonna annoy me into doing this, Princess.

You're not so bad with a sword,

You're on a journey to get your girl back.

You're out of practice, out of shape.

You're really feeling King Richard the magnanimous

You're self centered, self absorbed,

You're serious.

You're supposed to be a bloody hero.

You're talking to the professor in the art of manhood.

You're unlovable, Richard.

You've been my champion since we were 10 years old.

You've been screaming like a castrated hyena

You've decided to fight one of your own battles,

You've got nice teeth.

You've got to earn her respect.

You've lost it, Galavant.

You've still got it.

Your advice is for me to just turn a blind eye

Your boy toy, you mean.

Your breath reminds me of the time

Your brother... Richard.

Your cousin Harry is coming to save us.

Your cousin will save us,

Your family has killed the last four generations

Your father sent a carrier pigeon

Your heroism, of your goodness.

Your king is weak, Gareth. You know this.

Your kingdom.

Your life.

Your lifestyle.

Your loss is our gain. And we thank you.

Your mama out of jail when she gets arrested for prostitution.

Your mama!

Your moment of glory will come, young Galavant.

Your mouth is saying no, but I can see your rotten teeth through that smile.

Your move, little dicky.

Your move...

Your mutton was too rare.

Yours looks so much softer.

2:00. Time for lunch.

15...

16...

100% turnout! Fantastic!

"Betta." ...Betta of Valencia.

♪ 'Cause now my moment's here ♪ I know.

♪ And I love you ♪ I know.

♪ Bum ba dum bum bum bum ♪ So, uh...

♪ He saved your live once, didn't he? ♪ No.

♪ I love you ♪ ♪ And always loved me? ♪

♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Really love me ♪

♪ I mean I love you ♪ Yes. Thanks.

♪ I said I love you ♪ You did.

♪ It's calling loud and clear ♪ I've heard.

♪ Not one pay raise, not one perk ♪ Good point.

♪ Oy, what a knight ♪ ♪ Oy, what a ♪

♪ So tell us 'bout sir Sidney ♪ No.

♪ So, twice? Thrice? No. No.

♪ That's our Sidney, the success ♪ Hey!

♪ The filth ♪ ♪ The rot ♪

♪ What a hero ♪ ♪ What a mensch ♪

♪ Who? ♪ ♪ But who? ♪

A bit plump for my liking. Plump?

Agreed? Totally cool with that.

Also true. Yeah. Yeah.

Always had a wonderful memory, this one. Fine.

And I'm gonna give you a makeover. Gareth, I cannot thank you enough.

And they wet theirselves. Oh.

Back story, please. ♪ Hey, hey, we're the Monks ♪

Bubbala! My boy!

but then we're going to do it. Got it.

But you are. Oh.

But... Just kidding!

But... Once the concert starts,

Can I have it? Never!

Did you just say you... Don't ruin this.

Do you want to know what real torture is? No, I'm good. Thanks.

Don't say her name. Right.

Evil. Cruel.

Feel it, though... does that feel lumpy? No.

Gala... Excuse me?

Galavant... Izzy, you're so pretty.

Gloria... Oh!

good King Richard. We've done this.

Gross. Ohh. That's not right.

He's quite a... Major Dillweed.

Hello. He remembered you!

Here, let's... let's play a game. Hmm?

Hold that thought, darling. Mm.

How about this? Lower.

How about this? Oh, please.

How did it come to this? Princess, relax.

How did you get on the horse? I slept on the horse.

I can't move. Come again?

I can't see anything! That's me.

I did? You turned it into toothpicks.

I do. You do?

I have something to confess. What?

I mean, you know, as a... as a person? Aaaaaaah!

I promise that tomorrow, I'm... Do you know why I hired you, Sid?

I want you to give up. No.

I was talking to Sid. What?

I will remember it. It's a bit long.

I will remember it. Like a steel trap.

I'm confused. Me too.

I'm feeling it. Yeah.

I'm there. Okay, fine.

I've got to do something. You think?

If you lose, you die. Yeah, I know. Sucks.

Ill conceived. Okay.

In my bedchamber, where it's quiet. That's the spirit!

Isabella. Father!

It just needs the dancing part. Mm.

It's all right, honey. We're alive.

Ivan the mutilator or Keith? Keith.

Just one minor problem. What's that?

Knock, knock. Not that.

Me? Yeah!

Mm. Best squireship in the land.

of your skill in battle... Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Oh, bravo! Kill me. ♪ Hey, hey, we're the Monks ♪

Ooh. That is pungent. Yeah. That's the anus.

Please give up. You can't make me.

Please! No.

Richard, what kind of lame attempt is... I said "sit," woman.

Right away, sire. Excellent.

Right, everyone? Mm...

Right? You've never done that. Of course not, sir.

Sadistic. Vicious.

See ya! Wait!

She imprisoned us. She stole our jewels.

Shoot. What the hell is that?

Shut up, pretty boy. My former boy toy/jester.

Sid, I'm not seeing anyone. And here she is... may I present

Sid! So passive aggressive.

Sid! You're embarrassing yourself.

so they made me go outside and kill her. Hmm?

So, I just... Drink that down, eh? Yeah.

So, what's it gonna be? Damn it, Gareth!

So... You crossed my mind, yes.

Straight down the gullet? Yeah.

Sure, they are! Worse, even!

Sword. Lo... no, sorry. I can't.

the Lord of the Sword... Sid.

There's no need to apologize. What?

Thing is, he's not just my cousin. We don't need anyone to save us.

to tell you where their jewel is hidden. I've tried everything.

Ugh... Let the potion wear off.

Uh, nothing. Mm hmm.

Um... Isabella.

Um... No, go on.

We are going all the way tonight. Mm mm mmm!

Well, that's not good. I know it's not good!

What are you doing? You're allergic to crab.

What are you thinking? Here's what I think.

What did you just say? I said,

What? No, it's nothing.

What's going on? Sit down.

When I fell... You fell hard.

Where the hell's Galavant? There's been a change in plans.

Whoo hoo hoo! Oh, Jester!

Wine? Oh, I'm not sure if I...

Would you stop it, Gareth?! All right.

Yeah, not a fan. You want to know what I think?

Yeah, we promise, My King. Rock solid advice, My King.

Yeah? You set their fields ablaze

Yeah. I think that sounds... yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Who does all the work? True.

Yep. But you're...

Yes! Seems like an easier life, you know?

Yes. Really?

Yes. You have to. Have I?

You didn't even feel it. We beg you to show mercy to our people,

You get in that boat. No, Gareth.

You guys! ♪ And so, tonight, to honor our crusader ♪

You had him killed, sir. Hmm?

You kids must be starving. Famished.

You know, you're... if you eat that last danish,

You must release my parents. Must I?

You're not serious. No? Watch this.

You're sort of doing it a little bit. I had a deal with King Richard.

You're under a lot of pressure. I know.

Your queen? Mm.

I hear it. Yeah. Yeah.

...But what you don't know is that

'Cause here's the thing.

'Cause I haven't killed anybody all day.

'Cause I just want it to have a dramatic build, you know?

'Cause I'm not naming him if we're eating him.

'Cause I've got some very mean gossip about Madalena.

'cause of the whole... Thing.

'cause, remember, everyone I love dies if we lose that jewel,

'Scu...

'Scuse me.

"'Orange' you glad I didn't say 'banana' again?"

"Dickie."

"Galavant would not have stood for this"!

"He might not hear it when his moment arrives.

"Hello, there." Yes, yes, yes. Let's proceed.

"I love you as much as someone like me could love anyone"

"I'm so jealous of the girl who gets to be your wife.

"I'm so sorry, Gal."

"I'm so sorry, Gals."

"King Richard"?

"Kiss de girl," huh?

"Ooh, yeah. Take that, Valencia."

"Ooh!"

"Orange" you glad I didn't say "banana" again?

"Princess Isa babble."

"Sidneyland"?

"Son, a hero doesn't talk.

"Well, well, well"...

♪ 'Cause here's what's next ♪

♪ 'Cause our hero only came to save his former flame ♪

♪ 'Cause, holy Guacamole, that one reeks to holy hell ♪

♪ "Good night, my friend, until the morning" ♪

♪ 30th verse, same as the first ♪

♪ A condescending Dillweed in a can ♪

♪ A Dillweed in a can ♪

♪ A happy ending for u u u u u u u us ♪

♪ A happy ending for us ♪

♪ A jackass in a can ♪

♪ A lovely ending ♪

♪ A man waits all his lifetime for one moment to arrive ♪

♪ A perfect fairy tale end ♪

♪ A secret, secret, hush, hush, hush ♪

♪ A storybook ending ♪

♪ A totally secret scheme ♪

♪ Add the king, who wants to win her heart ♪

♪ Admit it, it would be nice ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ahh, Hallelu ♪

♪ All I want to do is read you ♪

♪ All set to go once I hear you say ♪

♪ And a little shiksa wench ♪

♪ and for dessert, do things too gross to discuss ♪

♪ And go take it all for you ♪

♪ And I'm the bad boy ♪

♪ And it blurts out things ♪

♪ And it leaves its dirty underwear ♪

♪ And it messes with your head ♪

♪ And it thinks that you don't notice ♪

♪ And it's awkward and confusing ♪

♪ And it's nothing like the fairy tales ♪

♪ And it's really, really bossy ♪

♪ And it's stubborn ♪

♪ And looks the part ♪

♪ And maybe one won't die ♪

♪ And now don't you want to tell me something, too? ♪

♪ And now that moment's here ♪

♪ And now that we're in his bedroom ♪

♪ And often pretty drunk ♪

♪ And prove to one and all what he is worth ♪

♪ And prove to one and all what I am worth ♪

♪ And quietly make him scream ♪

♪ And rip our hero's world apart ♪

♪ And seize the reins? ♪

♪ And so the legend grows ♪

♪ And so we'll rock on our nighttime ride ♪

♪ And that is where I leave you at ♪

♪ And that's what makes it lo o o o o ve ♪

♪ And the plague ♪

♪ And then, at last, you'll know ♪

♪ And then... ♪ ♪ exactly ♪

♪ And they will claw and choke till all of them croak ♪

♪ And we're the Monks ♪

♪ And we're the Monks, hey, hey, we're the Monks ♪

♪ And when that moment comes ♪

♪ And you can't catch your breath ♪

♪ And, honey, at last it's time for you ♪

♪ Any girl would give an eye for such a hunk of kosher meat ♪

♪ Are inbreeds and half wits, too ♪

♪ As much as someone like me can love anyone ♪

♪ As our various parts rub with such delicious friction? ♪

♪ As quietly as we can ♪

♪ As the universe starts to spin ♪

♪ At journey's end ♪

♪ Before he has time to think ♪

♪ Bless you, children ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Boopsy doo ♪

♪ Bum ba dum bum bum ♪

♪ But first, another drink ♪

♪ But if there are more shows ♪

♪ But not so bad 'cause I'm a monk ♪

♪ But that's not everything ♪

♪ But while you have the chance ♪

♪ But who? ♪

♪ But who?! ♪

♪ But yo o o u ♪

♪ But zing, she's working for the king ♪

♪ Can you imagine the fuss? ♪

♪ Can't you feel the frantic beat of our hearts ♪

♪ Can't you see how freaking gorgeous we look? ♪

♪ Choose any toxin, then toss the whole box in ♪

♪ Close your eyes, open your mind ♪

♪ Come in if you are weary ♪

♪ Comparing open sores ♪

♪ Complete with vermin for three ♪

♪ Cozy and warm on the rolling tide ♪

♪ Da Da, Da Da, Da, Da ♪

♪ Dance with me ♪

♪ Dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance until you die ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance until... ♪

♪ Diddle, deedle, didle ♪

♪ Do share ♪

♪ Do the asphyxiation ♪

♪ Do the burn at the stake ♪

♪ Do the strangulation ♪

♪ For Galava a a a nt! ♪

♪ Forced into marriage with the cruel King Richard ♪

♪ Gather 'round, you peasants ♪

♪ Good night ♪

♪ Good night, my friend ♪

♪ Handsome ♪ ♪ and a charmer ♪

♪ He wears two tons of padding and thinks he's quite the man ♪

♪ He's adored by one and all ♪

♪ He's nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪ ♪ He's my idol ♪

♪ Here's the royal sword ♪

♪ Here's what came previously on "Galavant" ♪

♪ Here's where our season ends ♪

♪ Here's your royal sword ♪

♪ Hey, hey, we're the Monks ♪

♪ Hey, welcome back, my friends ♪

♪ His ego's so humongous that his helmet barely fits ♪

♪ His henchmen are simply useless ♪

♪ Hmmm ♪ ♪ Bum ba dum bum bum ♪

♪ Hocus pocus, expealadocious ♪

♪ How 'bout a pie full of cyanide? ♪

♪ How 'bout a tray of bad shellfish? ♪

♪ I can't believe he's al l mo o st here ♪

♪ I can't believe we're al l mo o st the e e re ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I mean, I love how we make people stare ♪

♪ I mean, I love how when we hit the hay ♪

♪ I want you, I need you ♪

♪ I'd absolutely say more like middling to fair ♪

♪ I'll Cherish every foul breath ♪

♪ I'm the cute one ♪

♪ I'm the shy one ♪

♪ I'm the smart one ♪

♪ I've waited all my lifetime for one moment to arrive ♪

♪ If I could share mine with yours ♪

♪ If I could share my life with you ♪

♪ If they survive to the entrée ♪

♪ If you could share your life with me ♪

♪ If you missed last week's show ♪

♪ In a fancy metal can ♪

♪ In fact, she's tilting pretty sharply bitchward ♪

♪ In killer heels like me ♪

♪ In other words, you love me ♪

♪ In piles around the place ♪

♪ Invading huns ♪

♪ Is it true that 'neath that armor... ♪

♪ Is merely 32 ♪

♪ It annoys you half to death ♪

♪ It looks different without makeup ♪

♪ It's been quite the social climb for you ♪

♪ It's calling loud and clear ♪

♪ It's embarrassingly gassy ♪

♪ It's getting heavy now on "Galavant" ♪

♪ It's insulting ♪

♪ It's more than just okay ♪

♪ It's obnoxious ♪

♪ It's some kind of secret plot ♪

♪ It's the worst ♪

♪ It's time to face the reaper ♪

♪ It's you ♪

♪ Jackass in a can ♪

♪ Jazz hands ♪

♪ Just a few droplets, like thus ♪

♪ Just me and you, drifting through the skies ♪

♪ Just think how happy we'd be ♪

♪ Just think how time would fly ♪

♪ Lay by my side and we'll sail away ♪

♪ Let's face it, who's more like you than you? ♪

♪ Let's spike the soup with some arsenic ♪

♪ Like will the princess waste her whole life waiting? ♪

♪ Like you ♪

♪ Look who's graced us with his presence ♪

♪ Love is dumb ♪

♪ Love is rude, it has a sort of smell ♪

♪ Love is strange ♪

♪ Love is strange and sometimes sort of smug ♪

♪ Love is weird ♪

♪ My husband's a wimp ♪

♪ My time, at last has come ♪

♪ My time, at last, has come ♪

♪ No one but you ♪

♪ No one's as smart and hard of heart ♪

♪ Nobody wheels and double deals ♪

♪ Not a care ♪

♪ Not a thought ♪

♪ Now she's gotten him to lend a hand ♪

♪ Of course I'll be converting, so I'm sure we'll get along ♪

♪ Off to the shores of another day ♪

♪ Oh, cramps, diarrhea, convulsions ♪

♪ Oh, God, how I need someone here ♪

♪ Oh, how they'll heave and spurt ♪

♪ Oh, we're off on a secret mission ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Oh... ♪ ♪ oh... ♪

♪ On that, you can depend ♪

♪ Ooh wee ahh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, we're gonna go kill the... ♪

♪ Ooh! Chicken's delicious served rare ♪

♪ Or if you're slightly slow ♪

♪ Our season ends right there ♪

♪ Our Sidney is the knight who put the "sir" in "circumcised" ♪

♪ Oy, what a knight ♪

♪ oy, what a knight ♪

♪ Oy, what a knight ♪

♪ Oy, what a knight, God, is he to die for ♪

♪ Oy, what a squire ♪

♪ Oy, yoy yoy yoy yoy ♪

♪ Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy ♪

♪ Peekaboo ♪

♪ Petrificus totalis, drink deeply from the chalice ♪

♪ Picture that great big pool of puke and stool ♪

♪ Plus 31 varieties of sacramental wine ♪

♪ Plus trench mouth, tapeworms, and lice ♪

♪ Plus, the kid's on fire ♪

♪ Poison the meat first ♪

♪ Prepare to kiss this mortal coil goodbye ♪

♪ Relax your karma and try not to barf ♪

♪ Resting safe and sound ♪

♪ Rule the entire scene? ♪

♪ Saving damsels in distress ♪

♪ Secret, secret ♪

♪ Self indulgent, egotistic ♪

♪ Serve, and each blue blood will die as they spew blood ♪

♪ Set your aura free ♪

♪ Shh, he likes to be discreet ♪

♪ Shut up ♪

♪ Shut up, you ♪

♪ Sid, the peasants, the entire crew ♪

♪ Sleep tight ♪

♪ So hold on to your hat ♪

♪ So none will raise a stink ♪

♪ So, answer the call for you ♪

♪ So, how's the business going? ♪

♪ So, obviously, for you and me ♪

♪ So, that's all you really... ♪

♪ So, what you're saying is you love me ♪

♪ Some high and mighty jackass in a can ♪

♪ Some over muscled, chauvinistic ♪

♪ Someone ♪ ♪ my brother! ♪

♪ Someone who shares my point of view ♪

♪ Speaking as his rabbi, why am I not surprised? ♪

♪ Stars all around us, like fireflies ♪

♪ Stingy, prissy, narcississy ♪

♪ Strychnine can be your best friend ♪

♪ Sweet Madalena, though, has lost her saintly glow ♪

♪ Tell us what you see e e e e e ♪

♪ Thank the Lord our life expectancy ♪

♪ That jerkface in a can ♪

♪ That make you want to smack its stupid face ♪

♪ The king is dead, long live the king ♪

♪ The legend known as Galavant ♪

♪ The leprosy ♪

♪ The moment he is destined for at birth ♪

♪ The moment he will show the world ♪

♪ The moment I was destined for at birth ♪

♪ The moment I would show the world ♪

♪ The order of our father of perpetual refrain ♪

♪ The painful, lingering death ♪

♪ The Princess Isabella came searching for this fella ♪

♪ The rat ♪ ♪ the fink! ♪

♪ The reason he's alive ♪

♪ the reason I'm alive ♪

♪ The runs ♪

♪ The servants and staff ♪

♪ The sword, Your Highness ♪

♪ The sword, your highness ♪

♪ The trap's about to spring ♪

♪ The washed up hero known as Galavant ♪

♪ Then "see ya" ♪

♪ Then it grins that dopey grin ♪

♪ Then off our hero goes ♪

♪ There's food if you would dine ♪

♪ There's nobody who could rule like you ♪

♪ There's nothing lamer than ♪

♪ There's nothing sadder than ♪

♪ There's nothing worser than ♪

♪ There's only one way this can end ♪

♪ They'll leave the hall feet first ♪

♪ This is my mome e e e nt ♪

♪ This is my moment in the sun ♪

♪ This is my moment in the sun... ♪

♪ This is my... ♪

♪ This is your moment in the... ♪

♪ Till we arrive on the morning side ♪

♪ Till you're a hopeless basket case ♪

♪ To a fancy schmancy ball ♪

♪ To be the king, you mu... ♪

♪ To be the king, you must receive the sword ♪

♪ To finally kill my sib ♪

♪ To oust the king who seized her land ♪

♪ To share what's left with yo o o u ♪

♪ Tra la la la la ♪

♪ Up we will float as we close our eyes ♪

♪ Voila, they're gasping for air ♪

♪ We could while away each hopeless day ♪

♪ We would have a dozen kids ♪

♪ We'd share one cot, one chamber pot ♪

♪ We'd share our hovel built for two ♪

♪ We'll fetch the holy water and holy soap, as well ♪

♪ We'll slyly do in your next of kin ♪

♪ We'll sneak up and then surprise him ♪

♪ We're going to go and slay your bro ♪

♪ We're gonna be all right ♪

♪ We're gonna go ♪ ♪ yeah ♪

♪ We're off and away ♪

♪ We're off on a secret mission ♪

♪ We're off on our way, but first, another drink ♪

♪ We're quite the stunning pair ♪

♪ We've got to be swift and stealthy ♪

♪ We've got us a secret plan ♪

♪ Welcome to our Abbey, the best in the domain ♪

♪ Well, here's a clue, no one but you ♪

♪ What a gorgeous family, your Sid can do no wrong ♪

♪ When rich folks war, who dies? ♪

♪ Where is his son, who'll inherit everything? ♪

♪ While making her subjects drool like you ♪

♪ While rockin' a push up bra like you? ♪

♪ While tough to the core like you ♪

♪ While you shimmy shimmy shake ♪

♪ Who are we? ♪ ♪ I forgot ♪

♪ Who else is going to? ♪

♪ Who gets no vacation? ♪

♪ Who has the brains to break her chains ♪

♪ Who knew he came from such a lovely home? ♪

♪ Who knows? ♪

♪ Who? ♪ ♪ But who? ♪ ♪ But who? ♪

♪ Who'd pull off a coup d'etat like you ♪

♪ Why not finish what's already begun? ♪

♪ Will all this singing kill our Nielsen ratings? ♪

♪ Will Gareth and the Queen ♪

♪ Will they be back for season two? ♪

♪ Willing to get things done here ♪

♪ With a big farkakte squire ♪

♪ With each other there ♪

♪ With questions everywhere ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, it might be sweet misery ♪

♪ Yeah, you ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yes, life would blow, but much less, though ♪

♪ Yes, who? ♪ ♪ No one ♪

♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ No one but me ♪

♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You ♪

♪ You are all invited later ♪

♪ You cut me, and I bleed you ♪

♪ You grow up dreaming of ♪

♪ You had me at "shalom" ♪

♪ You keep pushing it away, and you fall in headfirst ♪

♪ You know, jousting, tally ho ing ♪

♪ You might as well just dance ♪

♪ You'll beg and scream, as well ♪

♪ You'll break down like a baby girl and cry ♪

♪ You'll hear the sound of drums ♪

♪ You're like some kind of sonnet ♪

♪ You're on your way to hell ♪

♪ Your average knight in armor, he's utterly the pits ♪

♪ Your average, humble squire? ♪

♪ Your eyes will soon be bulging ♪

♪ Your journey's about to begin ♪

Galavant - Season 1
Galavant is a delightful television series that aired its first season in 2015. This comedic musical extravaganza takes viewers on a whimsical journey through a medieval world filled with hilarious encounters and catchy tunes. With a talented cast and an unforgettable soundtrack, Galavant - Season 1 quickly became a favorite among fans of musical comedies. The show centers around the titular character, Galavant, played brilliantly by Joshua Sasse. Galavant is a dashing knight who, after losing the love of his life, Princess Madalena (played by Mallory Jansen), embarks on a quest for revenge and redemption. Along the way, Galavant is accompanied by his loyal squire, Sid (played by Luke Youngblood), and they encounter a variety of eccentric characters. Timothy Omundson portrays the villainous King Richard, Princess Madalena's husband. Despite his villainous nature, King Richard's character brings comedic relief with his awkwardness and his over-the-top schemes. Owen (played by Vinnie Jones), the loyal bodyguard of King Richard, adds an intimidating yet comical presence to the mix. The supporting cast includes Karen David as Princess Isabella, a feisty and intelligent princess who joins forces with Galavant to save her kingdom from the clutches of King Richard. David's powerful singing voice shines in numerous musical numbers throughout the season. Another standout character is Gareth, King Richard's loyal confidant, portrayed by Vinnie Jones. Gareth's dry wit and friendship with King Richard create wonderful comedic moments. Galavant - Season 1 is a musical comedy, and the songs play a significant role in the show's success. The upbeat and catchy tunes are written by the talented duo of Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, renowned for their work in Disney's animated classics like Aladdin and The Little Mermaid. The soundtrack of Galavant - Season 1 is a fantastic blend of witty lyrics and memorable melodies that keep viewers humming along. Some of the memorable songs from Galavant - Season 1 include "Galavant," the show's uplifting theme song that introduces viewers to the humorous world of the show. "Maybe You're Not the Worst Thing Ever" is a comical duet between Galavant and King Richard, showcasing their peculiar relationship. "I Don't Like You" is a playful and witty tune, performed by Princess Isabella and King Richard's bodyguard, Gareth. Fans of Galavant - Season 1 can enjoy the delightful songs from the show through the official soundtrack, available for purchase and download. The soundtrack captures the energy, humor, and heartfelt moments that make the series a must-watch for musical lovers. Whether you're a fan of musicals, comedies, or both, Galavant - Season 1 is sure to entertain. Its stellar cast, clever writing, and unforgettable songs make it a delightful escape into a whimsical world filled with laughter and catchy melodies. So gather your friends, sit back, and embark on a fantastic journey with Galavant and his merry band of characters. Don't miss out on the opportunity to play and download these sounds from Galavant - Season 1. With its infectious music and captivating storyline, Galavant promises an entertaining experience that will leave you humming along and eagerly awaiting the next adventure.
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