A day's journey. Follow your shadow.
A man I think needs IittIe introduction to you
A monkey got a cracker His mother was a sIapper
A posse.
A town? You mean, with real people and everything? Where?
AcoIytes, prepare the hoIy spigot!
Adult swim, next five minutes.
Ah, yes. The ancient cactus fruit.
AII day
Ain't always spoken rightly to you, Spirit of the West.
Ain't no hawk.
Ain't no one gonna tango with the Rango.
Ain't no shame in that.
Ain't nothing but bats!
All my problems taken care of except for one.
All right, folks, stand back, clear the area.
All right, listen up! l've been thinking
All right, now listen up!
All right, now listen!
All right, Sheriff, make your move.
All right, then.
All right, which one of you fellers needs a check up?
All right! No need to incite anxiety. l'll inquire about the Mayor.
All seven of them?
All seven of them.
All these good folks here believe your little stories, don't they?
All this talk of that serpentine devil is putting my quills on edge!
All you've done is lie to these good people.
Alone in her chamber, the princess prepares to take her own life.
Alone!
Also natural laxative.
Always good to have a medical man along, Doc.
Amen, brother.
Amen.
Amos?
And a high pitched squeal.
And although he is certain to die, perhaps from a household accident,
And apprehend the culprits behind this aquatic conundrum.
And before you know it, there wouldn't be any more water.
And don't come back!
And don't go trying to be a hero.
And don't mix up the two.
And don't you come back!
And enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections
And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental responsibilities
And have made it
And hell waiting to be raised.
And I Iearned a thing or two.
And if you desire romance,
And if you don't want to reconsider
And l ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
And l believe l've figured something out.
And l learned a thing or two.
And l may be just a sentimental old turtle
And l picked the raisins out just the way you like it.
And l think you'll find the people of this here town to be surprisingly hospitable.
And l will be happy to tell you how. But you're all gonna have to listen up!
And l've got my own protocol.
And reach for the...
And remember, within all of us resides
And return to a hero's welcome.
And so the lizard completes his journey
And so the stranger basks
And so the stranger, seeking companionship,
And solidify his image as an icon that will forever be remembered.
And souIs that cry
And that pipe has got something to do with it.
And that's when the roof caved in,
And the Mayor is the only one who don't seem to be affected.
And the murder of our beloved financial advisor
And then dogs and cats are getting together
And then where would we be?
And until the people ofAndromeda Five
And what about that water l saw out in the desert?
And when you see me coming, stand aside.
And who would do that, Mr Rango?
And you can all take it from me.
And you control everything.
And you!
And you're telling me that's all that's left in the whole town?
Animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment.
Are the cIosest of friends
Are you all right?
Are you okay?
Are you?
Aren't you forgetting something?
Arriving to great fanfare 'twas her aged father,
As a matter of fact, l am.
As long as that sign says "Sheriff,"
As long as we have this water, we have some hope.
As long as we stick together, work as a team.
As long as we've got water, we've got ourselves a town.
As the birds pIuck his eyes The sun bIeaches his bones
Assorted snacks, some puzzle books and you're gonna need a permit.
At a delicate time in my personal development is an affront to my sense...
At noon, the townspeople gather for a mysterious ritual.
Awkward.
Beans, l need to show you something.
Beans, you are missing the point.
Beans, you're mumbling.
Beans, you've been like a niece to me ever since your daddy
Beans! Hold on. Don't worry, l got a plan.
Beans! Where are you going? Beans?
Beans?
Beautiful, isn't it?
Because that's who l am.
Because this is where it gets
Begin to appreciate the broad sweep of history.
Being prospectors and such,
Believe in me.
Believe in that there sign.
Besides, my life's too dangerous for that kind of thing.
Besides, once they hang, yourjob is done.
Big bird! Big bird!
Bird dead. Snake come.
Blend in? What do you mean?
Blend in.
Boseefus, give them some gumbo now!
Bullet hits a shovel, ricochets back towards number three,
But around here, we just call them the Walking Cactus.
But folks just ain't making deposits on a Wednesday no more!
But he might come now.
But he only appears to those who have undertaken an epic quest!
But he's a snake and you're a lizard.
But how does he control the water?
But if I can heIp in any way, pIease know that my door is aIways...
But if you really feel there's some conspiracy occurring,
But Jake's the Grim Reaper.
But l can't go back.
But l don't have to tell you that being a true man of the West, as you are.
But l intend to find out what role you playing in all this.
But l think there's a future for this town. And l hope you'll be part of it.
But l'll have what l owe you at noon.
But l'm going to strip away this mystery and expose its private parts.
But l'm not sure that a child would appreciate the moniker.
But l've got a plan.
But not as much as your daddy's cooking!
But pay cIose attention
But somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we will.
But that... Well...
But the lizard? He is going to die.
But there's a certain protocol to this game, you understand.
But this here is a bank. This is where you keep the water.
But this is all his fault!
But tonight l want to thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives.
But we know better, don't we?
But what if somebody did rob the bank before they got there?
But why would anyone dump water in the blooming desert?
But why?
But with privilege comes responsibility.
But with water there's life.
But without law and order, ruminate on that. Oh, yeah.
But you seem remarkably at ease.
But you're making a practical decision.
But you're still watching.
But, of course, you won't need all these.
Bye, now!
Cactus dying of thirst. lt don't bode well.
Cactus fruit.
Cactus juice. That's what we got.
Call in Rattlesnake Jake.
Can l gut shoot someone?
Can l have your boots when you're dead?
Can't grow no crops without no water.
Careful, Mr Rango. You seem to forget you're just one little lizard.
Choleric varmints, ain't they?
CIear water
Circle of life!
Clearly, the robbers came from this direction.
Come now, Mr Rango.
Come now, Mr Rango.
Come on, let's get some!
Come right in.
Come, come. That's it, pull my finger.
Come, my friend. l want to show you something.
Complicated.
Control the water
Control the water and you control everything.
CooI
CooI water
Count on it, little sister.
Crunchy, creamy, cookie, candy, cupcake.
Dance for me, Sod Buster!
Dearly beloved.
Death has arrived
Decisions, decisions.
Destiny, she is kind to you.
Did anybody here mention what happened to our last sheriff?
Did he ever bite you?
Did not fall drunk down a mine shaft.
Did what?
Did you just see that?
Dirt.
Do it!
Do what he says or, by all the fires of the black pit,
Do you know how they make it through each and every day?
Does he look like he sounds?
Doesn't matter what they call you. lt's the deeds make the man.
Doesn't that make you just a wee bit suspicious?
Don't be shy. Come on.
Don't forget, your nasal spray is in your saddle bag...
Don't get no deader.
Don't know that you got a choice, son.
Don't really see a lot of folks.
Don't spoil it.
Don't touch it.
Don't you all worry about a thing. Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water
Don't you see? lt's not about you.
Down, Chongo, down!
Dr Marx, l'm not getting anything from you.
Dr Marx! l'm on fire! Embrace me!
Dr Marx?
Drinks all around!
Dysfunctional family. Need intervention.
Eat lead!
Enlarged prostate, riding sidesaddle.
Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.
Even as they abandon their dignity.
Evening, ladies.
Evening, Sheriff.
Every story needs a hero. l mean, who else is better qualified
Every Wednesday, just like clockwork.
Exactly how you do that, Mr Rango?
Exactly where did you say you were from?
Except for your ranch, Miss Beans.
Excuse me, Sheriff Rango. l want to talk to you.
Excuse me? Mister Spirit, sir?
Finds the woman, much like the sirens of ancient times
First off, does anybody here know how to use a firearm of any kind?
First the bank's run dry and now this here spigot?
For as long as it hangs there, we got hope.
For water
Form a possum!
Friends, before we bunk down
Friends? l don't see no friends.
From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today.
Gentlemen, if we can just stay on task here.
Get on the wagon!
Get out of there. l'm going to strangle your huevos!
Get them hands up where l can see them!
Get them out here so we can cut off their giblets!
Get your hands off me!
Get your slimy webbed phalanges off my boots!
Getting your bodily fluids on my boots!
Give him hell, Rango!
Give him the spittoon!
Give me that!
Give them a good one, amigo.
Go ahead and try!
Go ahead, hero. Pull the trigger.
Go on. lt's okay.
Go to hell!
Go to hell!
Golden guardians.
Gonna give us a permit for prospecting.
Good Lord, the bank's been robbed!
Good sirs, gracious good afternoon to thee and thee and thee.
Good.
Goodbye!
Got some new rules! l want my shoes shined every morning,
Grits and spit and coIIard greens
Had a few extra aces in this deck, gents. Just the way l like it.
Hand me your gun, Sheriff.
Hands off, Mordecai! That's what's left of your college education!
Hark! Who goes there?
Have you got French cuffs with that?
He ain't afraid of nobody. He's telling that bird what's for!
He did it with one bullet!
He may be our only hope.
He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr Rango.
He never comes to town 'cause he's scared of that hawk.
He never leaves without taking a blooming soul.
He promised to protect the vauIt The water's gone, it's aII his fauIt
He said the bank's been robbed!
He wants a glass of water!
He won't be here Iong
He'd been sober for over a month!
He's actually starting to believe it.
He's chasing after that hawk!
He's going to see the Mayor.
He's got to be pleased with that.
He's not a problem, William. He's a solution.
Headache.
Hell, he died of infection.
Hell, l seen things make a grown man lose control of his glandular functions!
Hell, l was mayor here before there was a Dirt!
Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!
Hello, brother.
Hello!
Hello?
Help!
Here in the Mojave Desert,
Here in the town of Dirt, we happen to have
Here it comes!
Here she comes! You better run, Mojito!
Here they come!
Here, hold these.
Here! You drive.
Here's your beans, Beans.
Hey, Bad Bill, there's something l got to tell you!
Hey, Beans, what do you think of the new duds?
Hey, Beans!
Hey, Beans! Beans!
Hey, Beans! Miss Beans!
Hey, Beans. What size dress you wearing?
Hey, calm down! What are you doing?
Hey, my daddy took me to her place.
Hey, there, fruit cup.
Hey! What's that dad gum lndian doing?
Hey.
Highly sophisticated friends! l was very popular!
Hold it right there!
Hold it, hold it!
Hold on there, Gordy. You get back in there and you assert yourself,
Hold on there, little sister.
Hold on, Beans. That won't be necessary.
Hold on, there. That's only six. What happened to number seven?
Hold on! Calm down, everyone! Let me talk!
Hold on! You're saying this here jug was empty when you found it?
Hot, hot! Burn.
How fitting.
How on earth couId I possibIy controI the water?
How on earth could l possibly control the water?
How wiII the hero survive?
How'd them fellers find the bank, anyway?
Hush up, now. Somebody's coming.
I couId be anyone.
I couId be anyone.
I watched the march of progress
I weIcome you to our great day of deIiverance. HaIIeIujah.
I'm nobody.
I've faced the barren waste
If that is your real name.
Igniting the thermos of pure grain alcohol
In magnificent song
In the adulation of his new friends,
Instantly vapourising his bodily form, leaving nothing but a charcoal statue
It is the time of hydration!
Jake!
Jake!
Jake. You mean my brother.
Jedidiah! lt's time for the Alabama squeeze box!
Johannes Merrimack the Third, AKA, Fluffy Joe.
Jump!
Just as l suspected.
Just checking.
Just like he said!
Just one little drink. No harm, no foul, right?
Just one, right?
Just take care of that for you.
Just to work up an appetite.
Keep your blood money and l'll keep my land!
Keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.
Killed them Jenkins brothers.
Killed them with one bullet.
Know that l will be there watching you,
L ain't sleeping tonight. No, sir.
L am leaving the road now!
L am open to suggestions.
L am sensing hostility.
L am trying to save my daddy's ranch,
L appreciate how difficult this is for you, Beans.
L believe your people use it as seasoning
L came here to save my land, not sell it!
L can't imagine it. You're such a charmer and everyone likes you so much.
L could be the sea cap'n returning from a mighty voyage
L could eat them all night long.
L couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.
L did it again, didn't l?
L do apologise for the shoes, Mr Rango,
L don't believe a word of it.
L don't even know what l'm looking for any more.
L don't even know who l am.
L don't know if you've noticed,
L don't know.
L don't know. Birds got to eat, too.
L don't rightly have no other choice, Beans.
L don't see it.
L found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once.
L found it in the desert.
L get his boots!
L got a 1 0 gallon hat marked down from 1 5.
L got a bead on you, stranger. So you get up real slow
L got an image to protect now.
L got the words, l'm just working on the melody right now. lt's like a...
L guess power has its privileges.
L had a goitre removed once.
L had a pseudonym once, but l had it legally changed.
L had an incredibly complex social network going!
L have a plan, and each and every one of you has a part to play.
L hear he's been helping people out in this time of crisis.
L hear you been telling about how you killed all them Jenkins brothers.
L knew it.
L knew that.
L know about the shindig this afternoon.
L know who l am. l'm the guy, the protagonist, the hero.
L likes it when they run.
L mean, l enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself,
L might consider reconsidering myself.
L must get to the other side.
L must get to the other side.
L need a little help here.
L need lotion. l'm down to one layer of skin already.
L packed your lunch. Danish is in there
L really think you complete me.
L remember them. They was quite friendly.
L remember when it used to flow every Wednesday.
L say we track this pipe back to its hydraulic origin
L see you're consulting with the spirits.
L seen it with my own eyes.
L stand corrected.
L suggest we take evasive action!
L suggest you shut up and shoot!
L suggest you take it up with the new sheriff.
L suppose we should bury him.
L take large steps and l don't want none of you hayseeds
L think it's a number two.
L think it's gonna be a western.
L think it's time he met the Mayor.
L think that there fella in the purty dress is the Sheriff.
L think the metaphor broke my spleen.
L thought we was following bank robbers!
L tip my hat to you,
L want a urine sample from everyone. And get me a latte.
L want to see you die.
L was here before the highway split this great valley.
L was hoping you could tell me.
L was just checking. l hear if you get too sunburnt,
L was just thinking that...
L watched the march of progress,
L will become the greatest lover the world has ever known!
L will blow that ugly right off your face!
L will see you on the other side.
L won't bite you.
L wouldn't know what that's like.
L yearn for love.
L... l don't belong here.
L'd like a glass of water.
L'd like us all to join hands for a moment,
L'll have you know, you're not looking at our entire contingent.
L'll keep that in mind.
L'll let you kiss my sister!
L'll squeeze them pretty brown eyes out of your skull!
L'll take that. Material evidence.
L'm a bit of a stickler for protocol.
L'm actually one of the few men with a maiden name.
L'm actually one of the few men with a maiden name.
L'm an amphibian.
L'm blending! l'm a blender!
L'm calling you out!
L'm depending on you, Spoons.
L'm going back.
L'm going to give you fellas one last chance to reconsider!
L'm gonna blow so many holes in you, your guts'll be leaking lead!
L'm gonna need some more feed, too, Willie.
L'm gonna shift the features on your face if you don't shut up!
L'm gonna skin you alive, boy! l'm gonna whup you like a red headed stepchild!
L'm gonna slice it off and use it to wipe my unmentionables.
L'm just looking for the path to water.
L'm so sorry. l'm so sorry.
L'm still working on it.
L'm sure there's something reasonable we can work out if you just talk to him!
L'm urinating right now.
L'm walking into the desert!
L've got two one acts, a mystery and a musical l've been gestating.
L've had polyps removed smarter than the two of you!
L've tried to protect you and others from certain realities.
Lasso that swine!
Lessen you want to spend the better part
Let me ask you something.
Let me do my job! You brought me in.
Let me get that before you...
Let me have a gander at the source of the societal discontentment here.
Let's hear it for Rango!
Let's put a pin in that.
Let's say this fella here were to take a drink of water.
Let's take it from the top.
Lf l ever see you again, l will take your soul straight down to hell!
Lf l see your face in this town again,
Lf you want to find water, you must first find Dirt.
Like a monkey's bladder!
Listen close, you pathetic fraud.
Listen, l can't survive in the desert, okay?
Lncoming!
Long time, brother. How you been keeping?
Look at them, so desperate to live, they'll follow it anywhere.
Look into my eyes.
Look out there, son.
Look out!
Look, l need water, hydration. My teeth are chapped.
Looked like Tony Bennett stepping out of the shower.
Looks like them varmints shot him in the back.
Looks like there's gonna be soup tonight!
Looks like they got them robbers.
Looks like we made it!
Looks like we're gonna have ourselves a good old fashioned standoff.
Ls a metaphor.
Ls it true he's only scared of them hawks?
Ls that all you got?
Ls that right?
Ls that what happened to Mr Merrimack? Did he get left behind?
Ls this heaven?
Lsn't that right?
Lt can't be. lt's empty.
Lt does seem a bit naïve, taking the word of admitted bank robbers.
Lt is not a rash! lt is a birthmark!
Lt is.
Lt just don't make no sense.
Lt only takes one bullet.
Lt'll change a man. Oh, yeah.
Lt's a defence mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it.
Lt's a full house.
Lt's a hard life here. Very hard.
Lt's a hard life we got.
Lt's a jailbreak, boys! We're busting out!
Lt's a metaphor.
Lt's a miracle!
Lt's a new West, Jake.
Lt's a puzzle of undeterminable size and dimension,
Lt's a puzzle! lt's like a big old mammogram!
Lt's about them.
Lt's about time we had a hero around here.
Lt's almost noon. ls everything ready?
Lt's empty anyway.
Lt's impossible.
Lt's just, we got no hope without that water.
Lt's Mr Merrimack from the bank.
Lt's not so easy as it looks.
Lt's okay.
Lt's our salvation, Pa!
Lt's the water.
Luckily, l'm immune to his venom.
Luring him to his certain demise.
Luring him to his certain demise.
Make it a double!
Many years ago, this entire valley was covered in agua.
Marshmallows remind me of going camping with my daddy.
May l present Madame Lupone's
Maybelle, give the holler!
Me? l'm from the West.
Meanwhile, the lone sentry stands watch at the castle gate.
Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his ascension to the throne
Mercy.
Mind the beak.
Miss Beans?
Miss Beans? Hello?
Mr Merrimack,
Mr Merrimack, if l don't get some water, l'm gonna lose my ranch
Mr Merrimack!
Mr Rango, wouId you step forward?
Mr Rango? Can you tell us about the Spirit of the West?
Mr Timms?
Mr Timms? You were good.
Much obliged.
Must be a reason she quit on us.
Must be that immersive theatre.
My 1 00% full time employment from this moment on
My coffee hot, Danish on the side.
My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes.
My daddy was never near that mine shaft.
My daddy was not a burden!
My entire family?
My eye!
My feIIow Dirtonians.
My fellow comrades.
My friends believed in me, but they need some kind of hero.
My friends, my friends! Temper your frustrations.
My friends, we all know what we have to do now.
My land is not for sale!
Name's
Neighbour turns on neighbour. Pretty soon, we're eating our children!
Never mind.
Never mind.
Nice to have someone to believe in again.
Night after night, l watched them. l never saw them move.
No man can walk out on his own story.
No man can walk out on his own story.
No need to panic, but l think you just swallowed plan B.
No one's stringing anyone up. Not while l'm sheriff.
No water? Then what the hell we been fighting for?
No, his ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body.
No, Jake! No!
No, l'm moulting. Means l'm ready to mate.
No, no, no. Yeah. No. Yes, please. Thank you. Sorry.
No, this man wasn't shot. He was drowned!
No, wait! Come back! l was just kidding!
No, we're pretty isolated out there on the ranch,
No!
No.
No.
No. No, no, you don't understand. l'm not even supposed to be here.
No. No!
No. Oh, l know. Here.
None of that civil disobedience in my town, thank you very much.
Nope.
Not bad, huh, Beans?
Not moving.
Not Noah's deluge. Good heavens, l'm not that old.
Not too tight. l want to leave room for some pucker!
Not unlike what you've got going there.
Not what l expected.
Nothing? Your delusional quest just ruined my life!
Now be still. You gotta look presentable to meet your maker.
Now help me up and l will help you find what you seek.
Now look here. We have got six days of water.
Now only one question remains.
Now someone's dumping water in the desert!
Now that just don't make no sense. Now, listen.
Now that's what l'm talking about. Yeah.
Now we ride!
Now we ride!
Now we're gonna play this thing out to the end!
Now, as my deputy, you'll be in charge of all tracking and finding of villains,
Now, Beans, you owe me three quarts already. l can't give you more credit.
Now, hold on, Jake. There's no need to...
Now, honey, you come back with all your digits.
Now, just wait a cotton picking minute! A posse ain't no place for a...
Now, Mr Rango.
Now, this whole thing stinks three ways to Sunday.
Now, we're gonna be doing this in an orderly fashion.
Now, you got your shovel, pickaxe, Benadryl, loofah,
Nowjust pay attention, everybody. l'm trying to make a point here.
Nown amigos!
Number seven?
Of course he did make me cough them back up again for breakfast.
Of course, there is no need for violence,
Of the afternoon putting your face back together!
Oh, easy there, tiger.
Oh, hey. Proboscis.
Oh, l'm sorry.
Oh, Mr Rango.
Oh, that? That there's conjunctivitis, sir. lt's hereditary.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're funny looking, too.
Oh, yeah. The West is the best.
Oh, you kids.
Oh, you're good.
OId Dan and I
Okay, everybody, let's take it from the top.
Okay, okay.
Okay, Pa!
Okay, panic time.
Okay, plan B.
Okay, then!
Okay.
Okay. So you're saying
Okay. That's not going to work.
One bullet.
One day soon, all this is going to fade into myth,
One last bullet to kill one last outlaw.
One legend to another.
One who ain't in a pine box.
Open the door!
Or l could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo!
Or taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!
Or what, little man? You going to kill me?
Our new sheriff has been playing the hero for so long,
Our town is drying up. We're in the middle of a drought.
Out there, beyond the horizon. Past the sunset.
Pappy, about that water. There's something l gots to tell you.
Pappy, the Sheriff is standing right here, helping us out.
Pass the beans, Beans.
People have to believe in something.
People have to believe in something.
People, l've had an epiphany. The hero cannot exist in a vacuum!
People, we've talked about this. Acting is reacting.
Perhaps a little too good.
Perhaps it's time you started to take the long view,
Pick it up, Mr Rango. Your destiny awaits.
Pick up trail.
PickIed eggs and flaps of mud
Please, no, please. l have vertigo! My glands are swelling!
Please, no.
Poor things. All they wanted was a little water.
Pretty soon, l'm going to start seeing my insides.
Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.
Prithee, unhand my fair daughter
Prithee, unhand my fair maiden.
Prospecting without the authorised equipment. Don't move a muscle.
Prospecting?
Protected morning, noon and night by yours truly.
Put her down.
Put some in my coffee just to give it a little tang.
Quickly. l must get back to my quest.
Quiet, you savages! Stop your rattling. You're affecting my cogitation.
Quiet! This is my favourite part.
Rango!
Rango.
Ready, Excelsior?
Real thirsty.
Refried bones and booger bIood
Remember this moment. Remember me.
Reptiles got to stick together, right, my brother?
Return him safe and sound, l will not sell my ranch!
Returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden!
Riding the ranges and the suchlike.
Right now, they believe in you.
Right.
Right.
Right. Blend in. Yeah, blend in.
Run!
Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.
Say a few words to the Spirit of the West.
Searching, same as you.
Secure the perimeter, dust for prints, check for fibres, scan for DNA.
See his entraiIs get scattered Watch him Iose his cojones
See you, Beans.
Seems these folks trust you.
She got more holes in her than a painted lady on a porcupine.
She reaches for the poisoned chalice.
She'II be coming 'round the mountain in the rain
Sheriff Rango is right.
Sheriff, l'm sure if we work together,
Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody.
Sheriff, we got a problem.
Sheriff, where are you headed?
Sheriff, you're going to bring that water back, aren't you?
Sheriff! Over here!
Sheriff! You're going to want to see this!
Sheriff? What are you going to do about Rattlesnake Jake?
Sheriff.
Shoot, l put that on a tortilla.
Shoot, l say we cook that right up.
Should we have ourselves some sport, chill'ens?
Show them who you really are.
Sign the damn paper, woman!
Sign the deed and relieve yourself of your father's burden.
Sinking deeper into the guacamole of his own deception.
Sir, you have defiled and desecrated the very sustenance of our livelihood!
Smart thinking there, feller.
Snake?
So boId has been his entry into our fair society.
So l want you all to come outside now and line up single file
So something's supposed to happen?
So which way do you think they went?
So who are you, really?
So why don't you show your friends here what you're made of?
So you belly on up and take you a double shot!
So you made it.
So you made it.
So, is this considered normal civic behaviour?
So, no, my hirsute little rodent friend, l am not from around these parts.
So, this is the sunset shot.
So, what's your name?
So, you gonna die out here, or you want a ride into town?
So, you want something to believe in, Spoons?
Somebody done robbed that bank before we robbed it.
Somebody says a cross word. Accusations start flying.
Someone is dumping water in the desert.
Someone or something is messing with our hydration
Someone's gonna have to look after the town while l'm gone.
Someone's got a bad valve.
Someplace with enough water for everyone.
Something you said keeps rattling around in my frontal lobe.
Sometimes at inappropriate moments.
Sometimes l don't know how we're gonna make it.
Sometimes.
Soon, compadre. Soon.
Sorry about that. Word is you come against him once or twice.
Sorry.
Sort of like being sealed up in a little box.
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
Speak up. l don't think your friends here heard you.
Spoons, you got the most important job of all.
Stands watch at the castle gate...
Starts out slow, like a fungus.
Stay between the buoys.
Stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.
Stay out of my peripheral vision!
Stay with me.
Stick to the plan, boys! Let's bleed that devil dry!
Still working out those steps.
Stop it. No, really.
Stop moving!
Strucketh by Cupid.
Sure enough did. Look at that baby. Go ahead, you can touch it.
Sure enough.
Sure is humid down here.
T.O. T.O. Just a second.
Take a look see over here!
Take it any way you like.
Terpsichorean Troupe of Travelling Thespians!
Testy.
Thank goodness you're here, Sheriff. Things were getting out of hand.
Thank you, Sheriff.
Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen.
That ain't nothing. l coughed up a whole tribe of pygmies.
That audience was quite responsive.
That just don't make no sense. Without water, that land is useless.
That just don't make no sense. Without water, that land is useless.
That may be true, but here you are.
That means we're riding now! This moment.
That sounds marginally near to an accusation.
That tickles. Are those real?
That tomorrow will be better than today.
That was a bad idea.
That was my rehydration account!
That wasn't altogether unpleasant!
That will propel the hero into conflict!
That'll close out your account, Mrs Oats, two gulps and a swig.
That's a big one.
That's a good idea.
That's a good one, boss!
That's a Spanish dagger.
That's for my gun. That's gun lotion.
That's gonna heal right up.
That's good.
That's interesting.
That's interesting. That there's a belly button.
That's interesting. The ground's still wet.
That's it, a little closer.
That's it! Conflict.
That's just about the size of it.
That's just what Amos said.
That's part of the deal.
That's right, amigo. The other side of the road.
That's right, sir. Just doing my duty.
That's right! You!
That's right.
That's right.
That's right. We all know what we have to do now.
That's right. You came a long way to find something that isn't out here.
That's such a lonely sound.
That's the immutable law of the desert.
That's the same fellow what give us a prospecting permit?
That's the second time that's happened to me.
That's the signal! Something must have gone wrong!
That's the signal.
That's the way.
That's what l been trying to tell you, Pappy.
That's what the future holds.
That's why the...
The alabaster carriage.
The audience thirsts for adventure.
The bank's been robbed, the town is dry "We'II die of thirst," the peopIe cry
The bank's been robbed! The bank's been robbed!
The bank's run dry?
The desert and death
The eternally unattainable ideal.
The Far West.
The finest financial institution this side of the Missouri.
The future, Mr Rango, the future.
The future, Mr Rango.
The hero must abandon the self
The last sheriff... Pardon me. Where is everybody going?
The life and untimely death of a great legend.
The lonely constable on his rounds,
The Mayor has bought up all the land in the valley,
The Mayor will see you now.
The Mayor?
The other side of what?
The other side? You mean, just now, that was you crossing the road?
The path to knowledge is fraught with consequence.
The people of the village will honour his memory
The place l come from, we kill a man before breakfast
The sacred time!
The Spirit is waiting for me.
The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one.
The Spirit of the West.
The stage is set, the night moist with apprehension.
The stage is set. The princess prepares to take her own life.
The stage is waiting.
The sting of my...
The time has come, my friends. The time that was foretoId!
The time of deIiverance!
The time of destiny!
The true Spirit of the...
Them's what we call his natural predator.
Then be a hero.
Then he could bring it back once he's bought up all the land.
Then we braise him in clarified butter. And then we eat him.
Then we salt him, and we pepper him.
Then where'd you get this here jug?
Then why in tarnation did you bring it here?
There someone special in your life, Rango?
There used to be. But she couldn't keep her head.
There weren't no water.
There will be times when you doubt yourself.
There. All better.
There's a beaut. Sometimes you got to dig deep to find what you're looking for.
There's a bullet in there.
There's a town, a real town, not a metaphor town.
There's an old legend they actually walk across the desert to find water.
There's another one!
There's just no place for them any more.
There's my stage name, my pen name, my avatar.
There's no need for any more suffering.
There's no room for gunslingers any more. We're businessmen now.
There's no water!
There's trouble down a dry creek. Bad Bill's been acting up again.
These days they got a name forjust about everything.
Thespians? That's illegal in seven states!
They believe against all odds and all evidence
They believe it's going to be better.
They believe that the water will come.
They believe.
They done taken that water. They taken everything we got!
They follow the water! Come on!
They follow the water.
They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.
They say he rides in an alabaster carriage
They started looking at me weird.
They think you're gonna save their little souls!
They think you're gonna save their little town.
They used to call you the Man with No Name.
They're coming!
Things are going to be different around here now that Rango's in town.
Thirsty, brother?
Thirsty?
This day just got a little more interesting.
This hawk is dead!
This is a crime scene now.
This is a heck of a hoedown you got going.
This is all we have! We can't give it all out!
This is from my private stock.
This is going to be good. Hey! Watch that needle there.
This is my quest. He waits for me.
This is my town now.
This one time, l coughed up an entire Dalmatian.
This plot is highly predictable.
This water thing's great.
This whole town is drying up,
Those were the halcyon days.
Three men heading west. One blind, one with
Times being so hard, we just can't give no more credit.
Times wiII be tough from now on. Sacrifices wiII have to be made.
To bask in the adulation of his numerous companions?
To create all sorts of unnatural mutant aberrations!
To reclaim his mechanical arm!
To the Iand without end
To the other side.
Today's Wednesday. Wednesday's when we all get to it.
Tomorrow is Wednesday. The water comes.
Try me.
Try not to look conspicuous.
Try to blend in.
Unhand her, you jailers of virtue,
Unless he controls the water.
Utilising your well developed lnjun uity, no offence taken.
Victor, you were right. l have been undefined.
Victor, you were wooden! There, l said it.
Vintage rainwater from the Great Deluge.
Waffle chitIins, monkey brains
Walking?
Was this during one of your special times?
Water ain't money. Money is money.
Water in the desert?
Water, Mr Rango, water.
We all have ourjourneys to make!
We are gathered here today to honour this man.
We are gathered here today to immortalise in song
We can reach a mutually beneficial solution to our current situation.
We done tunnelled into that vault, but there weren't nothing in it.
We each see what we need to see.
We got bats!
We got nothing left to believe in.
We got you surrounded!
We have a newcomer amongst us today, my friends.
We have a problem.
We have got five days...
We needed a brave man and you sent us one.
We sing of his courage
We'd be thirsty.
We'd turn on each other like a bunch of animals!
We'll find the water, Beans. l promise you.
We're experiencing a paradigm shift.
Welcome, amigo
Well, actually...
Well, if you must. What are you doing?
Well, in order to satisfy the needs of the collective,
Well, it's empty now.
Well, it's for aqua.
Well, l don't know about you all, but l could sure go for a dip.
Well, l suppose we could talk to the Mayor.
Well, l sure do appreciate this, Miss Beans,
Well, l'm a man of many epithets.
Well, l'm glad to hear it's not contagious.
Well, l'm glad you asked.
Well, l'm sure he had his reasons.
Well, l've been playing it for many years, sir.
Well, look at him now!
Well, Momma had an active social life.
Well, now that there is a pipe. lt's got to be connected to something.
Well, now, whose boot prints are those?
Well, Sheriff, if we was to hit the mother lode,
Well, that's an inconvenience.
Well, that's good, 'cause you got a few questions to answer
Well, the thing about heroes is, whenever you...
Well, then it's a good thing l brought some backup.
Well, then, l'm going.
Well, we can all dream, but this is the reality.
Well, we gave it our best shot. We had to sell out.
Well, what am l supposed to do?
Well, you got a little something in your eye there.
Well, you gotta spend some time and train them.
Well, you know...
Well, you're lucky he didn't plumb love asparagus.
What a way to go.
What are we gonna do now, Sheriff?
What are you all gawping at?
What are you building out here?
What are you building out here?
What are you saying?
What are you saying?
What are you talking about?
What can l say? My daddy plumb loved baked beans.
What did you do that for?
What do l do?
What do we do now, Sheriff?
What do you say, Sheriff?
What do you think happens then? Why we'd all be drinking!
What do you think, Doc?
What exactly are we going to do now?
What exactly happened to the...
What in tarnation? Don't shoot the water!
What is it?
What is it? ls there a problem?
What is this?
What now, amigo?
What our story needs is an ironic, unexpected event
What the Sam Hill's going on up there?
What was that for?
What was that you said?
What was that?
What was that?
What was that? Go check it out!
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? Not you again!
What? Where?
What? Who?
What's an aquifer?
What's going on, Sheriff?
What's going on?
What's he doing here?
What's he doing now?
What's my motivation?
What's that coming?
What's that supposed to be?
What's that, Victor? My character's undefined? That's absurd.
What's that?
What's the matter? You missing your mommy's mangos?
What's this?
Whatever the reason, something is controlling this here water.
Whatever you do, do not look down.
Whatever you do, don't look me in the eye.
When is he going to die?
When l was a little girl, l'd stay up late watching them, to see if they'd move.
When you feel pummelled by the cataclysms of life,
Where are we going?
Where are we going?
Where are your friends now, amigo?
Where did it go?
Where do you think l come from?
Where is he going?
Where l come from, we call this improvisation.
Where would we deposit said annuity?
Where'd you find that?
Where's my Tic Tacs?
Where's the water?
Which account for 65% of all unnatural deaths,
Which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown
While her ageing father lies gravely ill.
While l take a brief intermission!
While we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero
While you're playing patty cake with this here trollop!
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Who doesn't want to find someplace wonderful?
Who exactly are you?
Who has yet to enter his own story.
Who let Snuggles in the pool again?
Who'd dump water in the desert?
Whoa! l got it. Snuff out them torches.
Whoa! Well, here we are.
Whole town's perforated with them.
Why can't you be all brainy like your brother?
Why do you think so many people are selling out? They just can't make it.
Why does she do that?
Why don't you just pull your gun and shoot me?
Why don't you just wait until there are no cars coming?
Why don't you put a cork... Tell you where the sun don't shine.
Why, they believe you're just a stone killer, don't they?
Why'd you do that?
Will be to protect our precious natural resource.
Will you say a few words?
With golden guardians to protect him.
With one bullet, wasn't it?
With throats burned dry
Without it, there's nothing but dust and decay.
Without the taste of water
Wouldn't be the first time.
Yeah, but my deeds just made things worse. l'm a fraud. l'm a phoney!
Yeah, he ain't afraid of you! He ain't afraid of none of you.
Yeah, it's activating my piles.
Yeah, that's right, hombres.
Yeah, we got new hats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But he might be a problem.
Yeah. Matter of fact, l did.
Yes, the Spirit of the West!
Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
Yes.
You ain't from around here, are you?
You ain't got the nerve.
You ain't nothing but a fake and a coward. lsn't that right?
You and the Sheriff are more alike than you think.
You and your entire family get your hands up where l can see them.
You and your kin are coming with me.
You and your kin are under arrest for bank robbery
You are a very lonely lizard.
You attribute divine power to me.
You attribute divine power to me.
You better take it up with him.
You brought the water back, just like you promised.
You came back.
You came back.
You can almost see time passing.
You can believe that there's law and order in this town.
You can either be part of it, or you can be Ieft behind.
You can either be part of it, or you can be left behind.
You can peel a man's face right off.
You carry his remains?
You could call it that.
You didn't do any of them things you said, did you?
You didn't kill them Jenkins brothers. You ain't even from the West!
You don't pay the mortgage, you don't own the land!
You don't understand. lt's Mr Merrimack down at the bank. He cut off all credit.
You ever feel like those things are looking at you?
You ever get lonely?
You folks have a water problem!
You give the signal.
You got a little tobaccy in the beard there.
You got a lot of nerve showing up here, lawman. What is it you want?
You got any gold fillings?
You got corn in your ears, mate?
You got killer in your eyes, son?
You have the right to remain silent.
You heading out, Jim?
You hear that, Rango? You're going to meet the Mayor!
You keep thinking like that, your hat's gonna catch on fire.
You kill bird.
You know that there fella?
You know who that is, Bill? That there's Rango!
You know, Beans, l bet you clean up real nice, you put a little effort into it.
You know, it's an awful solitary existence out there on the prairie.
You know, l'm glad you asked me that.
You know, the womens find me uncomfortably good looking.
You make a good point, son.
You might say l'm from everywhere there's trouble brewing
You might say l'm what hell's already raised up.
You might want to get that looked at.
You need a little help, amigo?
You really are a hero.
You said you's gonna bring the water back.
You see that sign up there?
You see them, Mr Rango? All my friends and neighbours?
You seem to forget l'm the law around these parts.
You son of a...
You spend three days in a horse carcass, living off your own juices.
You stay up here on the ridge, and if anything goes wrong,
You sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
You talk too much. Why don't you put a cork in it?
You two just don't get it, do you?
You want me to just walk out into the desert?
You want the old John Hancock, do you?
You want to sniff the air or commune with a buffalo or something?
You, too, Spoons?
You! l'll kill you! You stupid lizard!
You're a long ways from home, ain't ya?
You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
You're funny looking.
You're just as dried up and parched as a jackrabbit in July.
You're making that up.
You're nothing but legends.
You've obviously mastered this game.
Your family's ranch is nothing but a wasteland now.
Your mama did. l'll cook her right up.
Your pappy and them boys are about to hang for something they didn't do.
A little up and back? l don't think so.
A what? lrrelevant! Obfuscation.
Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen.
and if there's ever anything that l... Get on up!
And that would be? Form a posse.
Beans! ...and your moisturising lotion...
Beans. That's a funny kind of name.
Bravo! Job well done.
Burn him! He's a witch!
Come on, move over! You're not my friend!
Come on, we're friends, right? l don't know you!
Cut. Cut. Everybody, take five. How can you keep missing your mark?
Did you see that? He killed that thing!
Don't move! Not moving.
Don't move. What?
Done it with one bullet, Bill. All seven of them!
Drowned? ln the middle of the desert?
Everybody stand back. All right, let me see.
Find your own hiding place. No, this is good.
Get your filthy paws off me! Shut your gob!
Go blend somewhere else. Don't distract me.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hang him till his head turns blue! Give us them robbers!
He found the water! You did it, son.
He got it! Hallelujah!
He said follow the pipe. He said follow the pipe.
Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave!
Hello, Beans. Hello, Angelique.
Here, let me just... l need you to investigate...
Hey, look what l found! What you got there?
l found them. What's going on?
l never made friends easy like that. No?
l ordered myself some right fancy duds. Sheriff, l'd like to file a...
l saw that first! Hey, that's mine!
l'm going in. How about a cold one, there?
Let's hang them, Sheriff! String them up!
Line? "Reach for the sky!"
Lizards, frogs... Find your own hiding place!
Loofah. Ezekiel, Jedidiah!
Lookee there! What is that?
Louder! Yes.
lt's a little cold tonight. Thank you.
lt's a survival reflex. Her switch is just broken.
lt's gone! The water's all gone! What'd he say?
lt's his fault! lt's the newcomer!
lt's Rango. What's he up to?
lt's the end of the line. Don't go no further.
Mr Merrimack? Realities are bearing down.
Mr Rango! Oh, you, too? No problem.
Nail them to the courthouse! Now, calm down, everybody.
No room at the inn. lt's an art, not a science.
No, ma'am, l don't. Who are you?
Now, Beans! We've talked about this. Lotion?
Rango. So sit back, relax,
Role? What are you involved in?
Say it! No.
Seven men! One bullet!
Sheriff? No, thanks.
Spicy. You're eating his ashes!
Start climbing. Get your foot out of my face!
Tart. Floozy.
That's a funny looking shirt. That's a funny looking dress.
That's all that's left? And this here is the reserve!
That's basic real estate law, my friend. Quid pro quo!
That's nice. Have you met Angelique?
This ain't the bank. l told you, Jedidiah!
To Dirt! To Dirt.
Too late. No, no. lt's not too late!
Trollop. Excuse me, Mr Rango.
We need that water. We're all going to die!
We're civilised now. That's right, civilised.
We're practically related! No room at the inn!
We're whispering. What'd he say?
Well, here. Hold this. Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.
Well, l ain't got no... We're talking hard cash.
What am l doing? You're cuddling me.
What are you doing? l'm blending.
What are you implying? Nothing.
What did he say? They're riding sidesaddle.
What happened to the Sheriff? He had a previous engagement!
What is it? That there's some human spleen.
What is that? l think they's thespians.
What is this place? lt's an aquifer.
What? Now, remember, son,
What? l thought you said, "Don't move." That was before. Now, you run.
What... What are you doing? What are you doing?
What'd he say? l think he said follow the pipe.
What's she talking about? She said there's no water in the bank!
Which way do we go, Sheriff? There's tunnels everywhere.
Who am l? l'm asking the questions here!
Who's Shakespeare? Sheriff Rango,
Who's that? lt's the Sheriff!
Would you look at that? Like seeing the face of God.
Yeah, tell us about that. ls it true what they say?
Yes, dance like a chicken! That's right! Dance!
You eat him? That's what l said!
You got funny looking eyes! You got a funny looking face!
You mean you've done this before? Yes. Many times.
You were frozen. l was not.
You will? And perhaps more.
Your brother? That's what l said!
...nom de plume, l have a CB handle.
...nom de plume, l have a CB handle.
'Cause you know monkeys, when they do go, you rub their nose in it.
'Tis l, the much anticipated hero,
"Control the water and you control everything."
"Four score and seven years ago, our fathers..."
"Hark, who goes there?"
"lt is far better to nourish worms than to live without love."
"Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed."
"Prospecting Permit."
"Yes, l am gravely ill."
