The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997) Edit

A Cigar?

A million and a half.

A nasty, wicked boy.

A truly remarkable record. If you'll excuse me for just one minute.

Aah!

Aah. What have we here?

Absolutely bloody brilliant.

Actually...

After many months of shuttle diplomacy and behind the scenes negotiations...

Ah. Bang on cue, your favorite john.

Ah. Sorry.

Ahem. No.

Albert, if you don't say it, it won't work. What are you?

All my life I've wanted to do this.

All right, punk.

All right, then, just go back to, uh, Give me your money or whatever the heck.

All right, Venkman.

All right. Have fun.

Always. You're right.

American.

An American, dark, about six foot...

And a poodle.

And curtain up.

And dial.

And do I get a last request?

And got strangled. Let's go in together.

And he got his head sent home in a freezer bag.

And I know who you are too.

And I want a dressing room for my pet bloodhound too.

And ice in my dressing room...

And if it ends here with the police...

And it's rare that we even approach a candidate...

And Lori's poodle. They can bunk in together.

And now, it's you.

And Spenser, this time...

And the call girl too. I know, I paid for it.

And the car keys.

And watch that man.

And why.

And you'd be Mr. Nikolai, I presume.

And... So I followed her.

Anybody who will talk to me! You invented the language, talk to me!

Are we all going to stay afterwards and clean up?

Are you a member of our Frequent Renters' Club?

Are you enjoying this?

Are you?

Aren't we all, dear. But we've got a show to put on, in case you didn't notice.

Ask him if he's eliminated the girl.

At least tell me.

At the end of the day...

At the Grand Plaza London?

Back in the straightaway...

Bang. Ha, ha.

Barbara, this is my brother, Wallace.

Be a good boy and bring them up to me.

Be a guy.

Be generous.

Be in the lobby of the Grand Plaza London...

Because I'd much rather be a good guy.

Because it's already 10:30 and I really would like to smoke them on my day.

Because my husband's on urgent government business.

Before that historic moment at midnight...

Blockbuster Video, Des Moines, Iowa.

Boo!

Boris Blavasky?

Boris the Butcher?

Boris, come quickly.

Boris, it's so big.

Boris.

Boris' Old Spice is lingering.

Both.

Bring her in here!

Buddy.

But I am Dr. Ludmilla Kropotkin.

But I can do action.

But I think we can offer you a more rewarding scenario...

But I'll be back with the port.

But if I find the letters before she does, it'd be a real hoot. How about a clue?

But neither are the thrills in London's interactive theater experience:

But no identification.

But one of them will be for free.

But there better be fresh flowers in there! And ice!

But there can only be one fastest gun.

But there can only be one fastest gun.

But there's a downside.

But what about the girl?

But you and I, we have more to do together?

But you know something?

By herself?

By the leaders of Russia and Great Britain.

Bye bye.

Can I please borrow the keys to the station wagon?

Can I see your driving license, sir?

Can we have all these swans together? Thank you.

Can you back...?

Can you keep a secret? I'm taking this souvenir of my day.

Can't it be like The Getaway?

Can't we?

Cats.

Charlie...

Come and get me, coppers!

Come back with my wallet! Stop! Thieves!

Come in, Spenser.

Come on, damn it. They're gone.

Come on, let's do it again. Let's take it from the top.

Come on!

Come on! You big pansy!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. We've got to get out of here.

Come, Sir Roger. We are overdue for banqueting room.

Coming!

Compliments of the house.

Connections.

Consuela, the door, the door.

Control.

Conveniently found a mallet outside, but I'm going to swap it for this one.

Cool.

Could be.

Could you pass me over a couple of snoots worth, please?

Couldn't it be like that?

Creative producer. Thank you. You're the dog.

Cut it out! Bad kitty! Bad cat!

Daddy...

Daggenhurst here.

Damn, then this won't work.

Damn.

David.

Dear God, I'll give you anything you want. Just name your price.

Deeper.

Did I break your nail?

Did you get your kicks, doctor? Huh?

Did you see this? We were right there.

Did you see what I did?

Disaster!

Distinguished guests...

Do that again.

Do you eat the flower?

Do you have insurance?

Do you know anything about this girl?

Do you know him?

Do you know what your problem is, apart from being a really ugly bastard?

Do you poke yourself in the eye?

Do you think I look silly in this outfit?

Do you think we could...

Do you torture everybody like this, or just Americans?

Do you? Stay there. You're going to have to catch me!

Doesn't that just bite it?

Don't be daft. This is the one he picked for himself.

Don't ever show your face on this mews again!

Don't get up.

Don't push it in. Stop it. Don't push it in. Wait.

Don't worry, even he cannot penetrate ballroom for letters.

Doreen and me, we go open butcher shop. But you will always be my brother.

Downtown Brussels.

Dr. Ludmilla Kropotkin will die.

Drama or a musical?

During our visits to Germany are his people.

Easy for you to say. He's my dog, not your dog.

Eeh. Do you think we could open up the window a little bit?

Eh!

Either that was her tongue or she's got three lips.

Embleton says he seemed a trifle unhinged.

Embleton tried to collect the letters, Spenser tried to shoot him.

Even perhaps you are not brave enough for taste of her medicine.

Everybody wants to check minibar. Go away!

Excuse me, are...?

Excuse me! Excuse me! Hello, hello. Uh, no pass, no entry, I'm afraid.

Excuse us.

Experimental.

Fabulous.

Fastest gun in the east.

Featherstone Finch believes that...

Fifty.

Finally, a spot of luck.

Follow him. Keep following.

For half a second there, I thought I saw a real human being.

For him, hour after hour I just wait. Of course, he...

For one thing...

Forget about your dog. Open the door.

Freeze!

From KGB to Boris...

From one of the most dangerous women in the world.

From three feet, I missed you.

Gah! No.

Gesundheit myself.

Get away from that phone!

Get rid of him how?

Get that thing away from that little boy's butt! Drop it!

Gilbert sent you, didn't he?

Gilbert.

Gilbert.

Gilbert...

Give him the antidote. I do it old fashioned way. I beat it out of him.

Give us your best shot, mouseballs!

Go ahead and say hi.

Go on. Tell him he can't talk to you like that.

Go to New York, buy a flat and I'm gonna study acting.

Go, go! Arf, arf, arf. Cat, go, kitty, go!

Going right to left.

Good day, chap. Wallace Ritchie.

Good God!

Good luck, Mr. Spenser.

Good point. It could be Gilbert's men.

Good to see you.

Gosh!

Great handcuffs. The ones I've got have a chain in the middle.

Great idea.

Great, great spill.

Great. Do it with the girl and have a wonderful time.

Guys! Let's not forget my safety!

Ha ha ha. This is great.

Ha. She's great.

Had trouble with the surface to air missiles.

Happy birthday, sir.

Happy days, Hawkins. Happy days.

Happy now?

Havana.

Have you got any spare change?

He go for port in his car.

He got the lead in our high school play, but on opening night he...

He has disabled bomb.

He is sweet.

He knows every detail.

He likes it all. He wanted to be an actor.

He works in the Featherstone Finch bank. James Ritchie.

He's done it again.

He's good. Aah.

He's got a black belt. Haven't you? Go on, tell him.

He's in the movie business.

He's not the kind of guy you drop into a boring business dinner.

He's open!

He's talking to her.

Heh, heh. Whoa!

Heh. Here comes Hawkins with your money, now.

Heh. I'm sorry, sir.

Hello, Sergei, I think we may have a bit of a problem.

Hello.

Hello. Spenser, here. Have no fear. What's your 20?

Help me!

Help, please! She's a killer!

Help!

Help! I'm being abducted. You've got to...

Here comes trouble.

Here we have our man, in the flesh.

Here, take a load off.

Here. Come here.

Here's Johnny!

Here's the cash. You can count it all now.

Here's the stuff.

Herr Schuster and Frau Schuster.

Hey yo! Hey!

Hey, vodka...

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hi. I thought you were staying in the car.

Hold it right there, you two.

Hold it, Wally.

Hold it.

Honestly...

How am I supposed to do my work?

How can we tell which doll is which?

How come you not sniff on his turn?

How do I know you are who you say you are?

How he mocks us.

How long will you be staying in this country?

How much left in the slush fund?

How nice to meet you.

How you doing...

How'd they do that?

Hurry, before they come back.

Hurry.

I already laid out 117 pounds and 50.

I am stinking the place up. Take the wallet and let's go on to the next scene.

I call in Boris from deep cover.

I can't act. Heh.

I can't. Think maybe we could have those smokes tomorrow night?

I could do with some of that, sometimes.

I could take it off, if you'd like.

I could've gone faster, but I'd have lost you.

I didn't mean to. Here.

I don't have any of your money yet.

I don't know if we mentioned it, but there's a time limit on the operation.

I don't think he's gonna be happy.

I don't think it's fair for these guys. They can't possibly stay with me...

I don't trust you?

I don't trust you.

I feel sick.

I feel sick. Do you think you trust me to go to the loo?

I figure you got to tie up all your loose ends by...

I finish this man to man.

I follow.

I go after the brother.

I got her money. She'll like that.

I guess I got the drop on Dr. Ludmilla Kropotkin.

I guess the question you got to ask yourself today is, Do I feel lucky?

I guess we'll take it.

I had something more substantial in mind.

I had the entire crowd eating out of my hand.

I have a lot more appreciation for what you people go through.

I have to make a call.

I hope you two are secure in your work...

I just got mugged

I just kissed the girl I was with earlier.

I know a couple of guys who are hoping to fire up some big Ambassadors at 11:59.

I know how much is in there! I want it back after.

I know you do this every night and it can get boring, but you gotta give 100 percent.

I know you worked together...

I know you, Sergei Nikolivich.

I lost my ticket, but I'm a friend of the minister of defense.

I need to buy more time and I'll pay you handsomely for it.

I need to see your pass.

I never thought anybody could forget so much so fast without a blow to the head.

I risked my life. I waited for you. I didn't have to.

I salute you.

I say, old chap, do have time?

I set you afire.

I should've called her an actress, heh.

I should've gone into the bathroom and flushed her and everything else.

I still need my stuff though.

I suppose we are.

I suppose you were involved with that business in Helsinki with Ponsonby. Huh?

I tell you what.

I think I just might, until 11:30.

I think I saw his face in a dream someplace.

I think I've screwed you guys completely up.

I think she's going to do that, don't you, pal?

I think the reason my brother got me into this was to impress the Germans.

I think they expect you to act like one.

I think...

I thought he had an uptight English gal.

I thought I could get the letters and then some maniac called Spenser...

I thought that was it.

I want a JuiceMaster.

I want a ThighMaster and I want a ButtMaster.

I want an all ports alert, effective immediately. Close all ports.

I want this guy. He's fantastic. I love working with him.

I want to be just like you, Wally.

I want to do kids or old people one day a week.

I want to do this every single day I'm here.

I want to see the queen riding a horse. I want to get a suit made.

I want to see where the blitz was. I've seen the film and it's incredible.

I want to take a double decker bus.

I was saving these for the dinner party. Ambassadors.

I was tortured.

I will call Dr. Ludmilla Kropotkin.

I will follow at a discreet distance. Stand by, man with dog.

I wish we could hang out. It's my birthday.

I wish you would.

I won't have to go on stage, will I?

I wondered what death would look like. I didn't think he'd look like you.

I would think you'd be impressed by, uh, the kind of concentration that is being...

I'd just like to do one thing. I'll be right down.

I'd love to.

I'll ask her. Lori!

I'll just get her letters for her, then, huh?

I'll pick you up and we'll smoke those Ambassadors by midnight.

I'll show you my two way radio...

I'm a banker. I'm mortgaged to the hilt. I can't finance anything.

I'm afraid he's a little groggy, but he's fine.

I'm afraid of loud noises.

I'm coming, Wally.

I'm going to get out of here, for a start.

I'm going to show you what 100 percent looks like.

I'm impressed.

I'm just gonna recycle her now, and we'll go from there, okay?

I'm looking for a tall American.

I'm Mrs. Ritchie and this is our maid.

I'm Mrs. Ritchie. Can I help you?

I'm not a call girl.

I'm not a completely good guy.

I'm not acting.

I'm not ticklish.

I'm on the phone across the street! You can see me in the window!

I'm on the phone across the street! You can see me in the window!

I'm only going to say this once.

I'm right there.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so sorry. This isn't theater.

I'm sorry I was a little insensitive.

I'm sorry, I stepped out of the scene.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was not prepared for any of this stuff.

I'm sorry. In the nose too.

I'm the only one standing on a ledge! Jimmy!

I'm thinking for our opening season, Lori...

I'm way off the script.

I've cared about money and success and getting to the top.

Idiot.

If Featherstone Finch...

If I really have to.

If the tape stays out longer than that, you're not charged the extra $1.50.

If we cannot trust each other, how can we bring back Cold War together?

If you can't give it to me, I'm going back to Des Moines.

If you hold it a bit lower down, you get more of a flick.

If you're afraid your pinpoint bomb can't take out that top table...

If you're going to shoot me, just do it.

If you've got a sense of adventure, you can be a real star for a night.

If your chap, Boris, has botched the job, I'm sure that my...

Impressive performance, Mr. Spenser.

In front of all these people, I had a solo.

In the Theater of Life, I mean.

Is diversity.

Is fun for you, but we have to clean up after. Please.

Is her ass, you idiot. Give it to me.

Is joke.

Is poison maybe.

Is she going out with anybody in the cast?

Is that champagne?

Is that what you were wearing?

Is the money so important?

Is the prime minister there? I'll bribe him!

It does damage.

It is and it isn't. It is.

It isn't the way a man should behave...

It says this mystery guy...

It's a new passport. It's not a very good picture.

It's a piece of crap.

It's early.

It's getting so that decent people can't even go out on the street anymore...

It's good silly.

It's just a hunch, but I think we might be dealing with...

It's just as good. Here.

It's kind of a Starsky and Hutch thing, isn't it?

It's more dramatic, I guess.

It's my duty and privilege to welcome you this evening.

It's not exactly the film industry.

It's not possible. With a mere...

It's not, uh... It's not balsa or anything.

It's our anniversary.

It's really not the time.

It's Ritchie.

It's the plumbers!

It's very raw, very...

It's whatever you want.

It's, uh... It's solid.

James Ritchie.

Jimmy paid for the whole thing. I should go, I suppose.

Jimmy, my... My leading lady came out on the ledge, and I think I broke her heart.

Jimmy! Jimmy, up!

Jimmy. Jimmy.

Joan of Arc for our action people.

Johnny, tell him he can't talk to you like that.

Just do it. Go on. Just bloody well do it.

Just don't hurt the help.

Just flown over from America. I'm an American.

Just give me the money!

Just tell us your demands, please.

Keep back. He's dangerous. He might have bomb.

Keep calm.

Keep him talking, sir. The plumbers will be there any minute.

Keep it coming.

Knock yourself out.

Last time we split up, you locked the door...

Later, huh?

Later, huh?

Leave it, the machine will get it. And diversity...

Less than I thought, obviously.

Let go of me.

Let's find the letters.

Let's get creative.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get them all in here.

Let's go. Go, go!

Let's have a little fun with electricity, shall we?

Letters? What letters?

Liar! You stupid cow!

Listen, Sergei, you said, Kill Spenser, kill girl and get letters.

Listen, we are too close to let this fall apart.

Lobby, please.

Look at the bloody floor. Get your hands behind your back!

Look at you!

Look at you. You're still the ugly brother, thank God.

Look what I found.

Look who it is. It's your favorite john.

Look, Mr. Shakespeare, yes, yes, I want to bribe you.

Look, when I said get rid of him, I didn't mean...

Look.

Look.

Looking for something?

Lorelei.

Lori and I are the husband and wife. We have this cat and this dog.

Lori wants her letters back.

Lori.

Lori. We know you're out there.

Ls our diversification.

Mail call.

Man?

Matey, you just stabbed me with your pen.

May I have one of those when we're finished?

May I step out of character for just one minute?

Maybe he tried but she floated back up.

Maybe they made a tape.

Maybe you do not trust made in Britain timing mechanism!

Maybe.

Mind if I have myself a cigarette while I wait for Scotty to beam me up?

Mm mm. No, not six. Five.

Mm. Better.

Mr. President...

Mr. Prime Minister...

Mr. Ritchie, this is Chief Inspector Cockburn.

Much less incapacitates the messenger.

My brother sent me money this year, so I thought I'd come over and surprise him.

My darling daughter, Barbara.

My dog is dead?

My God, Daggenhurst sent you, didn't he?

My God, that can't be them.

My life passed before my eyes and I realized I cared about the wrong things.

My lords, ladies and gentlemen...

My wife, Felicity, you know.

Neither am I.

Neither, sir. I'm a policeman.

New equipment.

New weapons, new poisons.

Nikita was vicious...

Nikolai's come in from the cold, everyone. On stage, please.

No lumps.

No wonder you lost the empire! You know what? Scotland's next!

No, I'll bring it over.

No, I'm not. I'll give you what I have. I do have American money.

No, it's some shirts and socks and a few pairs of jeans.

No, Mr. Ritchie.

No, no, bad idea.

No, no, no, no. It's real. It's so real.

No, that sounds really embarrassing.

No, we won't. Not tonight. It's his birthday.

No, you may not!

No.

Nobody asked me to be a human being.

Nobody told me it already started.

None of your business.

None of your business.

Not exactly.

Not much of a car they give you.

Now it's too far in.

Now really.

Now you're boasting.

Now, listen here, comrade. I know nothing about any American agent.

Now, listen.

Now.

Of course he didn't show you any identification. He's a secret agent.

Of course not, idiot. He's a professional.

Of these two great nations.

Off to the loo with you. Heh, heh.

Oh yeah? Karate chop this, then!

Oh, God, I'm gonna die.

Oh, God!

Oh, great.

Oh, great.

Oh, look!

Oh, man!

Oh, my God, what have I done?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, no.

Oh, please, I'm not a doctor. I'm a manicurist.

Oh, that feels good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're together.

Oh! Aah!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Heh, don't shoot. Ha ha ha.

Oh. Oh, you were going for the gun.

Oh. Please don't call me by my real name. It destroys the reality I'm creating.

Oh. Uh...

Okay, bye.

Okay, I bring dart gun. Then it's curtains for Spenser.

Okay, look. He's nervous. He's nervous, so I want plenty of energy, please.

Okay. All right, all right.

Okay. Fine, Mr. Policeman...

Okay. Heh. Okay.

Okay. Let's have a scene with the bobbies.

Okay. Plan B, then.

Okay. Three weeks.

Okay. Um...

One of our major strengths, if not our major strength, is our diversity...

One of those audience participation things.

Only one candidate in a thousand even detects Amazonian frog toxin...

Oops! Sorry. Force of habit. Heh.

Oops. This real pen. Heh.

Or are you thinking right now:

Other side!

Otto!

Otto.

Our major strength is diversification.

Our major strength is diversification.

Our major strength is diversity.

Ow! Cut! Hold it! Hold it. Time out.

Oy, hold it right there.

Passport, please.

People as cats. Let's workshop.

Phone for you, love.

Pity. It's three and a half hours long.

Please don't kill me. I'll give you all the money I got.

Please. Not like Ponsonby in Helsinki.

Pleased to meet you too.

Pleased to meet you, girlie. Where are the letters?

Pleased to meet you.

Police Constable Cochrane from Shepherd's Bush.

Police. Quick. Turn the lights on.

Pop down to the cellar.

Prestige and...

Psst.

Put me on to him at once.

Put the gun down!

Ready?

Ready.

Really behind me? Heh.

Really?

Really? And my mom knows the queen of Sheba.

Relax, the van is kosher.

Relax, we're actors.

Remember to flush.

Remember to flush. Out.

Right, then. We'll just get rid of you for the night.

Right. Charlie.

Roger, you don't suppose maybe doll...?

Rupert Witherington, our chief overseas expert.

Russian explosive is perfect!

Say it. Go on, say it.

Second police unit. They just left the building and are heading towards you.

See that nasal spray?

See you later.

See you. Ha, ha.

See you. Ha, ha.

Sergei Nikolivich. Open up.

Shakespeare in the Sand!

She came out here and she went down to this next room.

She told me about them. I know all about the letters.

She went to the loo...

She's got lips like your sofa.

She's still in the bowl?

She's the defense minister's call girl.

Shoot him?

Sis. Let's have a hug.

Smoke them over here where I am...

So I came over to get my presents here.

So now you're the chief. Listen, chief. Please step out of character for a minute.

So partner. What are you going to do with your share of the money?

So this is him, in the flesh.

So what's the pay like, then?

So you're not a producer.

So you're still calling yourself that, are you?

So you're the bad cat. The only thing we can do is...

So you've decided to recycle me after all.

So, no death scene.

Sod this. Hang on, Bill. Clench your buttocks.

Some sort of right wing extremist what have you.

Sometimes it's foolish to be so brave.

Sorry about the test, but we did have to be sure.

Sorry, coming through.

Sorry.

Spenser what?

Spenser, come in immediately. This is a 42 20.

Spenser, do something. Those are my letters. Bastards!

Spenser, how did you arrive at that hour specifically?

Spenser, what are you doing?

Spenser!

Spenser! Spenser!

Spenser? Are you there, Spenser?

Spenser? What's going on? Are you receiving me?

Spenser.

Spenser.

Spenser.

Spenser.

Spenser. Did you flush?

Spenser. Did you take the girl to the bathroom?

Squeeze it.

Stand by. The client's in position.

Still, they might find him interesting, being in the film industry.

Stop complaining. Give me the letters. Quick.

Stop joking.

Stop! Don't torture him, or his brother will kill us all!

Stop. Can you back it out a little?

Stupid cow.

Stupid cow.

Suicide.

Sure.

Sure.

Symbolizing man's growth from infancy to adulthood.

Take it.

Take the money.

Take this. It's all of it. It's all of it.

Talk about big car comfort. Wow. And it wasn't just a kiss kiss.

Tell him anything you want.

Tell him to flush her. Spenser knows how to deal with floaters.

Tell him to use the plunger or we're sunk.

Thank you, sir. Next.

Thank you, sweetie.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot. It was really kind of you to let me drive.

Thanks. Nice working with you.

Thanks. These actors don't know when to stop.

That is so refreshing.

That sharpens my senses, yet deadens my emotions.

That smell good.

That sticks to the bottom of a good man's loafer.

That's a very good question.

That's his plan.

That's how I found out.

That's right around the corner. Come on. I'll drop you off. It's gonna be great.

That's your character name. Go on, say something back. Go on.

The back door is open. The girl is upstairs.

The dancers from Russia will perform a dance...

The death knell of our dreams.

The feet of agents rushing in with urgent communiqués.

The finest smokes you can buy. You and I will fire them up when you get back.

The guys in the first scene have already taken it.

The key is really to listen...

The letters are upstairs in the spare room. You go get them. I'll keep watch, okay?

The letters!

The letters.

The longer you keep me here, the less I'm worth.

The loo. Ha ha ha.

The man is a god.

The maniac who decapitated poor old Ponsonby in Helsinki?

The movie business. Of course.

The new funding...

The past five years have seen astonishing worldwide growth...

The plumbers say an American killed Spenser...

The stars are out tonight as statesmen and celebrities roll up...

The theater community at large are asking:

The Theater of Life.

The whole plot thing.

The zero hour is a mere...

Theater of Life. It's on TV now.

Then get with it! You go before the public in two minutes.

Then you better get out of here, fast, before I call the police.

Then, of course you are.

There are real streets, real rooms.

There is a loose cannon out there and I want him dealt with immediately.

There.

There's a big guy standing behind you.

There's a hallway. We can walk.

There's a lamp over there on the table.

There's a warmth, a quiet charm. Everyone welcomes you with open arms.

There's more to this than just dirty letters.

There's nothing even to forget. Can I see the hat?

There's nothing in here but silly money.

There's the women, though.

They call you, tell you who you are, where to go and help make up the rest.