Mork & Mindy - Season 4 Edit

A baby? What a completely outdated concept.

A buck thirty?

A buck's a buck.

A concerto.

A cop told me Mearth was a grown man and could do whatever he wanted to.

A few major details, but I never lied.

A form of hero worship.

A nicer or kinder being than you.

A television antenna is one thing, a son in law is another.

A UFO with legs.

About being a parent to Mearth.

About Mearth going away to school on Ork.

About the newscaster job till this afternoon. But thanks.

About your bathroom wallpaper.

Absolutely phenomenal.

Actually, it's a piece of a great big eggshell.

Adjusting to this environment.

Ah, ha, ha. Oh.

Ah. Dave, will you empty the till?

Aha!

Air Ork's H 28 transport beam has merged with Glibthansa

All he knows how to do is joke about the weatherman's sports coat.

All I did was ask her to marry me and, boom, she's got the personality of lint.

All I have is a frog in my right pocket.

All I need now is the girl

All I need now is the girl to go with

All right, but if you see any criminals from the Phantom Zone

All right, Mind, got a bite. Wait.

All right, Mind, haul tush, haul tush.

All right, Mind. I was just kidding, Mearth.

All right, Mork, I'll try. Uh...

All right, now, what's with you? Who are you, anyway?

All right, sir. I'll correct the problem. I quit.

All right, son, well, I'll level with you.

All right, son, you take care and you make me real proud of you.

All right, sweetheart, Mommy knows all about this place

All right, what next?

All right, you can stay here and never have to think,

All right, you've seen what we did to him.

All right.

All right. I know that.

All right. Technically, we all know Mork isn't exactly human,

All that love for a hunk of meat.

All the Chinese people go downtown for ******* food.

All the other children are going to school. Why aren't I going to school?

All this is for you.

All you Baba's, A through M, follow me.

Alone.

Also, the one thing they don't let me do is barbecue in the bedroom.

And a grill, some briquettes,

And all mankind.

And also you find him in some of the better French restaurants.

And bootleg tapes rolled into one.

And Charles Bronson's beard.

And Daddy watches General Hospital.

And Dewey Fishbeck's going up to interview him,

And don't fill your canteens until I tell you.

And don't forget that book report.

And don't forget to take your Femiron.

And drive me out of this sand trap of life into the fairway of love.

And everybody else, you empty your pockets.

And give it to the poor.

And go upstairs and put on your Dr. Denton's?

And going home early.

And have joyous confrontations with hypocrisy,

And have the ultimate security and confidence to carry on like that.

And he didn't even muss his hair during the tornado.

And he eats flies, of course,

And he goes:

And he has three hearts.

And he went belly up.

And he's gotta be around kids like himself to be able to learn.

And here comes Mearth. We'll talk about it later.

And here's a family portrait. Eh ee.

And his head is covered in hives,

And I didn't.

And I have a frog in my pocket.

And I have made a remarkable adjustment. You see...

And I love him.

And I met your mother

And I never thought I'd fall for an Earthling.

And I never would have gone back

And I never would have gone back

And I see you

And I think you better take this sitting down.

And I thought it was the MSG.

And I'll be your guide on this incredible journey

And I'll have to find and dominate you through military and economic aid.

And I'm not that eager to see a Johnny Cash concert.

And if by some fluke of fate I can't,

And if we're not back by midnight, turn off the Crock Pot.

And if you can't, I'd just as soon have yours.

And is now servicing the greater Earth area.

And it began very innocently with a breakfast of fresh fruit and hog jowls.

And it really hurts me to have to say this

And it's a good thing. Otherwise you'd be rich too.

And it's great to be a family again.

And it's not what you think.

And leave with a name like Chuck. Easy.

And let's bring out our first model.

And make a fool out of myself. I mean, something a son can really respect.

And me? I'm a wreck.

And meditate on the color green.

And Mindy says we can't afford it. Who's right?

And Mommy and Daddy?

And no one tells me how to run my classroom.

And now from zero to bliss in 60 seconds. Look at that.

And now Mr. Silver, in the airplane.

And now the big question, no pressure, though.

And now, what could be more Exidorian

And now, what is this? The Exidor evening gown.

And occasionally having some Chinese food?

And R E S P E C T, that's what it means to me.

And remember, if you ever have problems, you can come to us.

And ride off into the sunset.

And sashimi and bonsai tree.

And say hello to Baba Bow wow for me, will you?

And see if they have the love theme from Alien.

And she couldn't keep her hands off me, and the rest is history.

And so does his brother Bubba, who plays for the Green Bay Packers.

And so I have to go to Aspen to interview the governor.

And somebody named Monty gets all the credit.

And someday Daddy's gonna take us there.

And sometimes it is misspelled by girls dancing

And sometimes that's the hardest thing in the world.

And that means that you're half Orkan and half Earthling.

And that means you can't take risks with our future.

And that teacher, Miss Geezba, oh, she's cruel.

And that this week I learned

And that tire that he uses for a teething ring.

And that's being an observer for Ork.

And the dramatic conclusion of It Came From Diablo Canyon.

And the fact he can't order off the children's menu.

And the mind of an infant.

And the older you get, the younger you'll look,

And the only way to make money is to spend money.

And the surgeon general has determined

And then love will take care of the rest.

And then the wheels of catastrophe started to turn.

And there's no one else like you in the whole universe.

And they call this the national pastime?

And they've gotta all go back. I'm sorry.

And watch your daddy swing into action.

And way over here, millions and millions of miles away,

And we can't, and now we're gonna lose everything.

And we have to dip into our emergency savings account

And we just want you to be realistic.

And we were hoping we could talk to you about him

And we're gonna see that you get a good one somehow.

And what about having a family?

And when he did, the parents pulled all their kids off.

And will you marry me?

And you can do wonderful neato things like this. Watch.

And you can't slide through the essay questions.

And you catch it, okay? Okay?

And you happened to make a big one.

And you know something? I believe I'm truly ready for school.

And you scored highly on the IQ test.

And you told me where babies came from?

And you were the first girl in Boulder to play Little League baseball.

And you're just gonna have to be patient till we make...

And you're off barrel jumping with Peggy and Rhonda Fleming.

And, anyway, it's only one day a month.

And, boy, am I lucky I have got Mindy.

And, mm, watch kitty go "rawr!"

And, well, who drives well in the snow.

And? And that's it.

Animal.

Another one for Baby News. One more, there we go. There's one.

Anything else you can find,

Anyway, I'm going to be the best dance critic they ever had.

Are you chickening out?

Are you insinuating I'm some kind of crackpot?

Are you serious?

Are you trying to tell me that this doesn't belong to a superhero?

Aretha Franklin.

As I sing this autumn song

As just old Jake the cameraman,

As long as he behaves.

As painful as it seems now, it was all for the best.

As the hands motivate the motion.

As we peer out,

As when there were just two of us.

At Baba Love's House of Prayer and Ribs.

At Grateful Dead concerts, going "Love, look it love."

At last, we can buy Mearth a little something.

At least we'll make them part of the family.

Aw, Grandma. Ha, ha.

B, the old fashioned way.

BABA GENTLE: You sweep up in here.

Baba Gentle. Bye bye, Bonzo.

BABA HOPE: Utopians, welcome our new brother.

BABA HOPE: Whoa!

Baba Swell has taken his first steps to a life of eternal devotion,

Baby? What baby?

Basically, what I'd like to say is,

Bathe the baby, bathe the baby.

Because basically we're a unit, right?

Because I like what you stand for even when you're sitting,

Because it converts into tennis, Exidor?

Because judging by your size, he could be yours.

Because Mindy and I had to try and explain the truth about his heritage.

Because Mindy and I want you to be the godfather.

Because nobody cares about mine.

Because nothing's gonna stop me from finding my child,

Because now, we're going to have

Because you know what?

Because you live here with us and Grandma and Grandpa.

Because...

Before I hand you my kneecaps on a platter?

Before I met you,

Before somebody here hands you your kneecaps on a platter.

Believe me, it'll pass.

Besides a wicked tax break?

Besides, he'll be up again in another hour and we'll try again.

Besides, the money you're taking from these guys, I'm sure...

Besides, there's plenty of time for school.

Bicker, and learn to play canasta for the rest of our lives?

Black Beauty.

Blessing? I'll give you a blessing.

BOTH: Mm.

BOTH: Mm.

Boy, he scampered when he hit that hot wax.

Boy, I bet everybody at the supermarket

Boy, I guess this is just about the best present I ever got.

Boy, I tell you, I'm gonna really plug in that electric blanket tonight

Boy, I wish I could stay here with you and your daddy and have macaroni.

Boy, I'm glad that's over with.

Boy, Mind, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.

Boy, some people don't know how to handle sudden wealth.

Boy, they really screwed this game up when they added the ball, Mind.

Boy, you're one up on Gerald Ford.

Broadway! Hit it, Mind.

Bullets can be hazardous to your health. Now, please.

Bunny, I may not be the handsomest man,

But am I bitter? No.

But being different, well, that takes a lot of courage.

But business breeds strange bedfellows.

But candle sales, they're slipping.

But did you see what that other kid did? He...

But emotionally, I feel exactly the opposite.

But Governor Lamm makes Jean Claude Killy

But he does have some human characteristics.

But he has a lot more humanity in him than anyone I've ever met.

But I do get along very well with the Doberman.

But I only wanted his respect and put him in a dangerous situation.

But I think you've got a big problem on your hands.

But I wanna catch up with them. I don't wanna be left behind.

But I won't.

But I'm a little short on cash, so...

But I'm not gonna go into Mork's head. That's an invasion of his privacy.

But I'm not now or never have been a superhero.

But I'm not sure that'd be Mearth's choice.

But I'm sure in enough time, I'll grow to love every hair on his chest.

But I've got his phone number.

But if I lost you...

But if you do things correctly, you'll always be connected with the firm.

But if you've got pride in yourself, there's nothing that anyone can say.

But in the long view, children test you every day,

But it doesn't have to be like that.

But it was an incredible simulation.

But it was really brutal getting up that pole.

But it worked for Prince Charles.

But it's normal to want respect from Mearth.

But it's protected like a fortress with barbed wire and guard dogs.

But later you'll see that you're very unique

But love is no substitute for recreation.

But now I'm talking real angry.

But our baby isn't exactly what I was expecting.

But pretty soon you'll look like them because you see,

But the bottom line is, I am his grandfather.

But then he and I never did have any secrets.

But then, so is he. Heh, heh.

But this time, you burp him. I think I threw my shoulder out.

But we'll get by, I think.

But we're gonna have our two for one sale.

But when I'm real good... And I try to be most of the time, don't I?

But you know what? I'm gonna quit this night job

But you see, you mustn't let love spoil your judgment.

But you're a little premature. I'm not gonna know

But, Mork, rhinos have smaller babies.

Buy two, get one. Who can resist that?

By the time you learn the trade, you're out of the business.

By tomorrow morning, you can be in Brazil.

Bye bye, broom.

Bye bye, yo.

Bye.

Came to this little tiny planet and out of all those people in the world,

Can I show them to you, please? Here they go. Eh ee.

Children, perhaps this is the dental plan we've all been chanting for.

Chinese food!

Class, can anyone tell me who invented the flying saucer?

Close.

Coffee. Thank you.

Coincidence? I say nay.

Come in, Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Come in.

Come on in here, get a quick cold drink, and get on our way.

Come on, Dave. It ain't worth it.

Come on, I was just trying to set the mood.

Come on, Mind, you should be happy that I made a shrewd investment.

Come on, Mind.

Come on, Mom, you can join in with us.

Come on, we're taking you home.

Come on, you two.

Come on, you're safe now. Let's go home.

Come on.

Come over here. Oh, there we go.

CORA: Married.

CORA: Oh, don't cry, Mearth.

CORA: Oh, pipe down, Fredzo.

Correct the matter at once.

Could I go out there and battle evil with you?

Could that be anything like night watchman?

Could you tell me where Miss Geezba is?

Could you turn the heat up? It's kind of cold in here.

Crime fighter and part time superhero.

Cute, but not the greatest attention span.

Dad, don't fall apart on me. You're the only one I can talk to about this.

Dad, I'm not gonna run away.

Dad, I'm so proud to be able to serve with you.

Dad.

Daddy didn't mean to scare you.

Daddy knows you're gonna catch the ball.

Daddy was a little emotional, but he's over it now.

Daddy, could I borrow one of your new razor blades?

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy...

Daddy, he's got a gun.

Daddy, I have so much respect for you.

Daddy, I wanna ask you something. I was upstairs watching TV

Daddy, what happened?

Daddy, what's this?

Daddy, you're so great.

Daddy.

Daddy.

Daddy.

Daddy's doing something important.

Daddy's making macaroni tonight with cheese.

Dear, you will never be able to have a normal life.

Did Baba Love take you to the park and teach you

Did I close out of town?

Did Mommy teach you how to play baseball?

Did she come in yet?

Did you find him?

Didn't Mindy tell you that she volunteered for the night shift?

Disaster? Oh, Mork, don't tell me about a disaster.

Ditch the skirt, Mork.

Do I detect a note of jealousy or are you coughing on a bone?

Do I smell salad burning?

Do they have American carry outs in China?

Do you call that living?

Do you have any idea what it's like sitting next to Ovits?

Do you think there'll be other children to play with in debtor's prison?

Do you think with your head or with your heart?

Doctor, lawyer and wholesale jeweler.

Does the planet Ork mean anything to you?

Does this mean there's no surprise party, Mind?

Doesn't mean I don't have a lot in common with Superman. I mean...

Doesn't mean we have to end our relationship.

Doing that both at the same time?

Don't be silly. Don't worry.

Don't clip his nails.

Don't cry. You still have your lollipop.

Don't do this. That cap is filthy. You don't know where it's been.

Don't hit me, don't hit me. I have corrective shoes on.

Don't move!

Don't patronize me.

Don't talk to me about a son in law.

Don't touch me there. I've got a bruise.

Don't worry about it, Mind. He still loves you.

Don't worry, Dad, I'll be home this afternoon.

Don't worry. Colleges are very expensive nowadays, anyway.

Don't you just want to take them home now?

Don't you see? If you give him everything now,

Don't you see? We're from two completely different worlds.

Don't you think that baby is unusually large?

Don't you understand though?

Don't you worry about a thing.

Earth head, listen,

Easy, easy, please, be gentle with them, be gentle.

Eee...

Eenie, meenie, minie, mo, you die.

Either giving blood every day for the rest of my life

Especially when I'm your only child.

Especially with those crow's feet.

Even dumber when I bought the soundtrack to Beatlemania,

Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.

Even the Wright Brothers came down for milk and cookies, Mearth.

Even their identities.

Even though he does have the height advantage.

Eventually you'll get your full heart and graduate to busboy on steak night.

Every hour, on the hour, just like clockwork.

Everybody can make a mistake.

Everybody's dancing in the snow

Except for one thing, I don't know where he is.

Except for that time when you tried to play the Mikado.

Excuse me, Earth head, could I hold him?

Excuse me, sweetheart, I'm Mearth's mother.

Exidor, either you've had a revelation, or someone just kicked a field goal.

Exidor, is that you?

Exidor, please, please, pull out your putter

Exidor, you're a mogul now.

Exidor, you've got to help me, please. I mean, you know everything.

Exidor, you've gotta help me.

EXIDOR: Answer the door already.

Fake.

Fighting again, Mork? Take your seat.

Finally he learned to accept his birthright and his heritage

Finished at last.

First it was... First it was Herman, my spider,

First of all...

Fish net.

Flirt with my secretary, get drunk at the Christmas party

For 26,802 hours, I feel basically...

For instance, he seems to enjoy a good story.

For instance, the other day in the market,

For seeing the nice present your mommy and I got for you.

For the birth certificate.

Forty two dollars for telephone?

From now on, I'm only gonna take him to hear Slim Whitman sing Aida.

Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.

Gee, we haven't seen one decent crime.

Gee, you know something?

GEEZBA: All right, class, that's enough Manilow.

Give me a K.

Give me an L.

Glad to see you brought the little woman.

Gloria Steinem didn't buy that one, Mind, and neither do I.

Go ahead tell her. No, I can't. Oh, tell her. Tell her. I can't.

Good afternoon. I'm Mr. Mork,

Good night, Mearth. Big kiss.

Good night, son.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night. Remember, you changed your mind about the wallpaper.

Good.

Good. Come on.

Goodbye.

Goody, goody, Baba Gentle.

Gosh, and look at this on the back.

Gosh, well, Mommy, Daddy, I'm still here.

Gosh, you know something, Grandma?

Gosh, you know, while you were gone,

Got it? Raise your hand when she asks a question,

Got my hopes high

Got my striped tie

Got the carioca...

Got the time and the place And I've got rhythm

Grandma, why?

Great, Exidor.

Great, he's bilingual.

Guillermo,

Hamburgers, buns, matches and a volleyball net.

Hang around the water cooler, chat with friends,

Has a long tongue,

Have you ever strung up 12 outlaws single handedly?

He does look a little like me, doesn't he?

He doesn't mean anything to me.

He eats more than Trigger.

He hasn't eaten since he arrived. What do you think he eats?

He looks just like Lester Maddox on steroids.

He might call.

He says yes.

He seems very alert for a child his age.

He still might be too young to accept it, Mork.

He took a gun away from a criminal. He did, he did.

He tried to get on the toboggan,

He was gonna open a store, this is exactly what I'd expect.

He was having such a good time in the park on the sled hill

He was just helping me, that's all.

He was trying to take me home and I just...

He wouldn't have looked good in this fur coat anyway.

He'll have nothing to look forward to later.

He'll only go to school one day a month, Earth time.

He's a fake. He's fictitious.

He's a joke.

He's a lot bigger than I remember him.

He's a today kind of guy.

He's an extraterrestrial being.

He's gone. This was on his bed.

He's growing up and he won't need me.

He's half a superior being. I mean look at me, I'm an alien

He's just a child, and he's easily impressed.

He's just afraid, Mind. We saw The Shining today, remember?

He's just infatuated with a movie.

He's missing a million seller.

He's my grandson, so it's about time I started spoiling him.

He's no in casa.

He's starting to realize he's different.

He's sweet, he's charming, he's sensitive,

He's the most beautiful child you've ever seen.

He's thin. That's because I stepped on him about a half a dozen times.

He's with those cult people in the black robes.

Heh heh heh. We figured you'd show up sooner or later.

Heh.

Hello, everybody.

Hello?

Hello.

Here he is at 2 hours old.

Here is his first piggyback ride.

Here we go, come on in. Mind, I got here as fast as I could.

Here we go, ready? Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go. Look.

Here you go. One, two, three.

Here, have one. They're Tiparillo lights.

Here, let me help you.

Here, perky, here's your investment plus profit.

Here, sweetheart.

Here, take your money and go. Leave us all alone.

Here's the name. Here's the name.

Here's your bottle.

Hey there... No.

Hey, Dave, how are you doing?

Hey, don't worry about me.

Hey, ho.

Hey, ho.

Hey, I happen to be a violent person, so shut up.

Hey, isn't that wonderful, Mind? His first non sequitur.

Hey, thank you, partner.

Hey, what's wrong with Mearth?

Hey! Who said you could move?

Hi there.

Hi, Mearth. Heh.

Hi.

Hi. Ha, ha.

His spider died.

Hitting the ginger ale again?

Hold it right there! How about you dropping that gun

Hold on. There we go. And the crowning touch.

Hon, don't check out without the baggage. Mind.

Honey, I think you know exactly what has to be done.

Honey, it's your decision,

Hop in the Jeep and go find Mearth.

How are they biting?

How come he's not writing his own?

How come you're not there?

How convenient.

How do I do this again?

How do I weigh what I feel against what I know is logical?

How many times you see a hamster neutered on your way into Macy's?

How to eat string cheese and, enh, like that?

How's this sound to you, son? How about this?

Huh. All right, as the world turns, let's play hide and seek.

Hurry up, Mearth, you're gonna be late.

I abdicate my post for the woman I love.

I always like playing this course.

I always thought my life would be like a Doris Day movie,

I am not getting involved in your barbaric Earthling matters.

I am staying right on this spot

I am still making the same salary for three

I blew my big moment.

I came home crying my first day at school too.

I can be down one moment and then, whoop, back up again.

I can be down right now. Life's just a seesaw.

I can take a message.

I can't go there. You see, I'm not union.

I can't handle... I've had four today.

I can't lie to you,

I can't, I can't. I can't go. I can't. You see, I'm Baba's love child.

I can't. I want you meet my friends.

I couldn't have even lifted him without you.

I couldn't stay here knowing that you'll never be mine.

I did.

I didn't realize being a parent was so difficult.

I do hate it. The kids call me names

I don't believe I caught your name.

I don't believe it.

I don't have my little guy's respect up there,

I don't know where that came from. I really didn't mean to say that.

I don't know, Dad.

I don't know, Ex, it sure perked up Melvin Dummar for a while.

I don't know, Mind. Maybe Bob has the same couch.

I don't know, son.

I don't know. He's got all of his teeth. Maybe a little beef jerky.

I don't know. I just don't like the tone of this conversation.

I don't know. This has all gotten terribly heavy for me all of a sudden.

I don't think I'd be hanging here.

I don't think so, Mind.

I don't think we should neglect Mindy like this.

I don't want to have lobes hanging down to my knees.

I don't want you to go.

I don't... I don't see 20 things I can identify.

I feel just like George Steinbrenner.

I feel like I've gotta sit down.

I feel like Ronald Reagan at a budget meeting.

I felt about as useless as a lawnmower on AstroTurf.

I figured, how difficult can anything be named Tammy?

I finally found a place where everybody was the same.

I flew all the way from Ork back here to Earth.

I got 40 starving people in my backyard singing "Brigadoon."

I got that from you, Dad. That's your sense of humor.

I guess first of all, most of you by this time know that I'm from Earth.

I guess he doesn't buy our story about being just big boned, huh?

I guess I have been running away.

I guess the old fashioned way is always best

I guess we better haul it then.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I can't marry you.

I guess you're right.

I guess you're right. But just to be on the safe side,

I had teachers I didn't like too, but you know what?

I had to play dumb. Ha, ha.

I happen to be Mearth, his important sidekick.

I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

I hate it there and I'm not going back there.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I hate it!

I have a feeling she's everybody's little friend.

I have a half a yo yo

I have better stuff than this in my room.

I have invested our $900 in the Exidor Boutique.

I have patience. I can wait.

I have something that none of you have here on Ork.

I have to be alone, that's all. I have to be alone.

I have to make a report to O R S O N.

I hid it in Merv Griffin's autobiography.

I hope when I grow up I'll be just like Superman.

I just don't fit in any world.

I just don't have any friends, Grandma.

I just dropped over to borrow a spatula

I just feel weird. I just feel different, that's all.

I just want you to realize it's not that easy to get a good job.

I knew it.

I knew that. That's what you do before you start selling coffee machines.

I know how easily you run down, so don't skip breakfast.

I know it's a risk. It's a dumb thing.

I know it's kind of weird now,

I know what it is to be crushed.

I know, but he's been talking up that guy in the tights again.

I know, let's go do something fun. You wanna play tennis?

I know. I'll call Dad. He'll know what to do.

I know. I'm sorry, I was just trying to increase our wealth.

I know. You did take it too far,

I look a lot less like Howdy Doody than he does.

I lost a man in an airplane. The dog ate him.

I lost a spider today.

I lost all of our money.

I love you very much,

I love you.

I mean more to you than that, don't I?

I mean, Abraham Lincoln studied at home.

I mean, big Mearth kind of took me by surprise,

I mean, come home and complain about the boss,

I mean, he has the body of a 50 year old

I mean, he's my son.

I mean, I can get any job I want,

I mean, I could be my own boss. The hours are perfect.

I mean, I could be my own boss. The hours are perfect.

I mean, I didn't know I had that kind of rage inside of me.

I mean, I should just go sit in the shed with his training wheels.

I mean, I want my son to look up to me.

I mean, I'm talking about blue, blue, blue sky,

I mean, it's a perfect job for me.

I mean, it's a perfect job for me.

I mean, it's just... It's just ridiculous.

I mean, just 24 hours. Please, Mind, Mind, Mind, please.

I mean, Kenny Rogers wouldn't behave this way.

I mean, look at me. I know all the hosts of Real People.

I mean, look at this: There's Tinker Bell, there was Grace Slick.

I mean, Mind, I want to have a job I can talk about.

I mean, no wonder the novel is dead as an art form.

I mean, Pocahontas and John Smith, or Mickey Rooney and pick a number.

I mean, since Jeopardy's been canceled, what do you need to know?

I mean, teach him to sit on his face, drink with his finger,

I mean, think about it. I crossed five galaxies,

I mean, where am I gonna find size 46 Pampers?

I mean, who ever stood after being only an hour old?

I mean, why can't we just go on being the way we are?

I mean, you bring home the bacon. All I do is collect the grease.

I mean, you can always get a job on Family Feud.

I mean, you even know the color of Ronald Reagan's real hair.

I mean, you know, I'm not Lois Lane or anything like that.

I mean, you know, I'm the eternal optimist.

I mean, you married an alien and you went to another planet,

I mean, you play with me, you read to me, we watch TV together.

I must have the wrong mind.

I never realized raising a child involved so much responsibility.

I now know how you can take care of all your family's financial needs.

I once sat through an entire Bobby Vinton concert. Right.

I only have trust in you.

I read you.

I really don't have any of those things, but I have Bonzo.

I really don't. I wanna play hide and seek.

I really think we need to talk about this.

I really wouldn't wear the muff, Dad.

I scored very high on the IQ test?

I see you make up in manners what your father lacks.

I see.

I sent it to Mork bleams ago and I haven't heard from him since.

I shaved my face so close so that other children can identify with me.

I should be going to school like the rest of the children, that's all.

I should be going to school.

I should never cook on medication.

I should never have sat on the Texas side.

I sold my Air Libya stock, and look, we got $2.

I still love you.

I suppose I'm not invited to dinner either.

I suppose you're wondering why.

I tell Orson Monty called. Na no.

I tell you, there's trouble.

I think Exidor is onto something hot here, Mind.

I think he's got a great new concept. You've heard of Old Amos?

I think I should start at the beginning

I think I'd like one of those myself.

I think it's about time you guys came in for a landing.

I think Mindy is confused and apprehensive

I think we had some milk around here once.

I think what you need is a sign from Baba Love.

I thought nobody'd ever look in here.

I thought the only difficult part of being a parent

I thought you wanted to grow up to be just like me.

I told him to insulate.

I told Mork he wouldn't fit in the sink.

I waited for you in the sandbox.

I wanna ask you, have you ever?

I wanna be like the rest of the children. I'm not going to sit here

I wanna go to school and I said I wanted to go to school.

I wanna go to school.

I wanna shower my son with gifts,

I want him to have everything I've never had and still don't.

I want those pockets turned inside out. What have you got to hide?

I want to be happy But I won't be happy

I want to talk about love just for a moment.

I was just trying to appeal to the intellectual fringe.

I was shooting for bed, but he's right.

I was skiing on my head.

I was the only kid that couldn't get in the wire basket.

I was there. I blew it.

I went out to the airport, you see, to try to get some flights to Ork.

I will go feed the love attack dogs.

I will. It's the governor.

I wish I could believe that.

I wish you could believe that too, Mind.

I wonder if there's anything Earthling about him.

I work five hours on a report,

I wouldn't wear the muff.

I'd be giving up any chance I might have to have a normal life.

I'd love to play "Space Invaders." Go for some pizza, maybe get married.

I'll be more comfortable on the couch.

I'll be Russia and you play a small third world country

I'll check and see if it's still liquid.

I'll commute.

I'll find, you know... I'll find something to do upstairs in my room.

I'll give you the extra minute and make it midnight tomorrow night.

I'll go out and look for him and you stay here in case he comes back.

I'll send by Exidor to pick up my clothes.

I'll tell you some other things.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we shake and make up?

I'm a freak.

I'm a policeman.

I'm afraid of what'll happen the next time I open a pistachio and there's no nut.

I'm from another planet.

I'm giving you an order.

I'm going in the back for more inspected by number seven tags.

I'm going to take golf from the rich

I'm going.

I'm gonna go back there and change into my superhero costume.

I'm having a barbecue.

I'm just as scared as you are, but we gotta think about Mearth.

I'm just designing now.

I'm looking for Orson.

I'm marrying Mindy and you just try and stop me.

I'm miserable.

I'm Miss Geezba and don't talk down to me.

I'm Mork McConnell,

I'm not even in the ballpark, as they say.

I'm not going back there. I hate it!

I'm not here to make an appointment with you.

I'm not Superman... Thank you very much.

I'm not taking a risk. Taking a risk is slicing a bagel without turning it.

I'm not unique.

I'm so surprised. Just when I thought everybody had forgotten.

I'm sorry I'm late,

I'm sorry, ma'am. The last one burned up on re entry.

I'm sorry, Mork, but this stuff goes back.

I'm sure everything will be fine

I'm sure Miss Geezba will be very happy with the way you turned out.

I'm talking about bigger, grander,

I'm talking about our baby

I'm talking about you.

I'm talking black poet, you know what I mean?

I'm your son, Mearth. Come on, tell me the truth.

I'm your, uh, father. Heh.

I've got something I'd like to show Mearth.

I've got something to tell you.

I've learned that although it's good to encourage your child

I've only been open two hours.

Ideal for dining in elegance or with Pancho Gonzales.

If anyone should find out that... Whoa!

If Daddy and I went with you?

If he wandered in the coffee shop, he's probably still waiting for service.

If it wasn't for Mr. Sternhagen forcing her nose down

If it were the other way around, could you stay?

If it's up to parents, there'd be three jobs in the whole world:

If John Denver isn't writing a song now,

If Mearth would call me Mommy. Mearth?

If my mom and dad hadn't taken me to class.

If my mom and dad hadn't taken me to class.

If they can sell designer jeans and pet rocks,

If they find out he's our child, they'll lock us up.

If they had these on the Titanic, four more people would have lived.

If you go through with this.

If you let me hold him, I promise you, I won't hit you no more.

If you're emissaries, why are your robes different from ours?

Imagination.

In the evening, Exidor comes alive, and so does Sissy

In the most noble of all institutions, marriage.

In this smashing formal ensemble.

Incidentally, do you think you could get his autograph?

Infants, teenagers, Lee Radziwill.

Interview the governor? Oh, my gosh, that is important.

Is it so? Don't let me be the last to know

Is like saying Lizzie Borden was a little nuisance with an ax.

Is no reason to go crazy.

Is she still alive? Oh, I had Miss Geezba too.

Is that why I'm different from the rest of the kids?

Is that wonderful set of toys that's here.

Is this the way you treat emissaries of Baba Love?

Isn't it marvelous, Mind? I feel just like UNICEF.

Isn't marriage the ultimate commitment, the eternal bond,

Isn't there anything that you could think of that the two of us

It doesn't mean that I can't be a superhero.

It goes all the way around. Heh.

It is time for you to rid yourself of all your worldy possessions.

It isn't. I don't have any friends.

It really didn't hurt me at all.

It seems like he was hatched just yesterday.

It stretches all the way to the Flatirons.

It was a very crisp, clear day,

It was just like having the cable.

It was really scary, Mind.

It was your idea.

It'll be a one page essay.

It'll be an honor.

It's a 6 foot 225 pound middle aged baby named Mearth.

It's a great new concept: Chocolate, cheese and meat.

It's a little cold outside, son.

It's a sham

It's a very nice ring, but I can't accept it.

It's a yo.

It's all right, Mind. I can deprogramme him.

It's all right.

It's always better to propose while she's in the room.

It's go west, young Exidor!

It's incredible.

It's just that Daddy's rocket ship is not a toy.

It's just that he needed a shortstop for the station's softball team.

It's just we were trying to make this a more positive experience for Mearth.

It's like saying disarmament to Alexander Haig.

It's my blue period.

It's no way to raise a child.

It's not a pretty picture, but, you know, it's homemade.

It's not that bad, Mind.

It's not the ring.

It's something that will really...

It's the only way I can sit through Phil Donahue.

It's wrong that she's missing it.

J. Paul Getty, and Jay and the Americans,

JAKE: Lock up when you leave.

Jewelry, money, second trust deeds?

Jump in any time, Mind.

Just as well.

Just because we can't be married

Just because you're a girl, you know, we won't make fun of you.

Just give me a straight answer, just a straight simple answer,

Just hold on to your fish sticks. I had a baby boy.

Just ignore Ovits.

Just lengthen the sleeve.

Just like Lena Horne.

Just like what the Marquis de Sade would've done if he'd gone into retail.

Just like you were with the midget wrestlers.

Just stay away from that water hole. It's contaminated.

Just tell her. You can do it. Tell her, tell her...

Just testing.

Just to feed him.

Keep an eye on the store.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Keezbalita, could you turn off the vacuum?

Kids call me Butchie, the dog faced boy.

Kids will make fun of you as long as you let them.

Knock twice, ask for a man named Juanita,

Ladies and gentlemen, aren't these delicious?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to show you

Let's begin Manilow appreciation.

Let's check out the jukebox

Let's get these robes back or there's gonna be one judge looking real casual.

Let's go. Come on. No, he's just a little nooter.

Let's have a heart to heart talk.

Let's hope there are no bees on there.

Let's just find Mearth and get out of here.

Let's just try to protect him for a while longer. He's just a child.

Let's just wait till he's older or younger. Or... Whatever.

Let's not jump to any conclusions, son.

Let's put together a little human car wash.

Let's see, Skip Stephenson, John Barbour,

Like gang violence and mopeds.

Like maybe, you know, playing with the shadows on the ceiling.

Like Renée Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.

Like the time that he heard that Tom Snyder was quitting.

Listen to the leaves They're all gone

Listen, Earth head, if you don't want old Geezba to call on you,

Listen, listen, what can parents do that a test tube don't?

Listen, perky.

Listen, you guys don't belong here. You could get hurt.

Little boodle bugger.

Little Pooter. Heh. Mind.

Look at me.

Look at that beauty.

Look at this, how beautiful, and this, whatever it is,

Look at you

Look like a snow bunny.

Look over here, Mearth.

Look, business is a little slow.

Look, for instance:

Look, Mind, you'd look smashing in something like this.

Look, Mork, he tossed out his bottle again.

Look, Mork, I admire Exidor's initiative, but if somebody told me

Look, you know all about Ork. You can answer his questions.

Look. Ooh.

Looks like I got squeezed out.

Looks like I'm gonna have to split town again,

Made you look, made you look, made you look, Mind.

Make a small mental note:

MAN: Fore!

Marry my daughter?

Maybe a DeLorean car.

Maybe Mommy can explain it better.

Maybe some infinite intelligence in this cosmos

Maybe someone sang with the Commodores, you don't know.

Maybe the decision's been made for you, Mind.

Mayday, there's a Chihuahua on the landing field.

Me? Absolutely not.

Mearth has Daddy been calling Dial A Joke again?

Mearth has to go to school.

Mearth is a musical prodigy.

Mearth, come down here and say hello to your godfather, the big O.

Mearth, come on, now. We're gonna go find Mindy.

Mearth, could you help Mommy by taking her skis down to the car?

Mearth, Daddy's upset because he made a little mistake.

Mearth, don't do that in the house. You might break something.

Mearth, don't scream, it's us.

Mearth, don't you worry.

Mearth, l... I've...

Mearth, look over there.

Mearth, look.

Mearth, Mearth, Mearth, look over there.

Mearth, Mearth, why did you run away?

Mearth, now mellow out. Mellow out.

Mearth, see, Daddy did a really dumb thing.

Mearth, sweetheart, have you ever noticed

Mearth, sweetheart, I know it's hard for you to understand now,

Mearth, sweetheart, the reason is, you see...

Mearth, the real truth is that we can't afford all these little goodies,

Mearth, watch Daddy

Mearth, watch the ball and catch the ball.

Mearth, we just wanna talk to you for a minute.

Mearth, what are you doing home? There's five hours left of school.

Mearth, what's Daddy bouncing on?

Mearth, why don't you tell Daddy who your new hero is?

Mearth, will you stop saying, "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it,"

Mearth, you have on your pitcher's mitt upside down.

Mearth, you know something?

Mearth, your dad's wonderful.

MEARTH: Boy, it's sure good to be back in my little warm egg again.

MEARTH: Okay.

MEARTH: To hit a child.

MEARTH: Uh, I was wondering, is somebody going bye bye?

MEARTH: What is this stuff? MINDY: We've got a surprise for you.

Mearth!

Mearth!

Mearth?

Mearth? Mearth, son.

Mearth.

Mearth.

Mearth. Mearth McConnell.

Mearth. Mearth, we're gonna... I'm gonna throw the ball,

Mearth. This time,

Mearth. We make special arrangements.

Might do on a snowy afternoon?

Mind if I play through?

Mind, after two of those,

Mind, although we've only known each other now

Mind, come on now. Mind, I'm not gonna give up.

Mind, come on, let's put the pedal to the metal,

Mind, come on. He can sell anything here.

Mind, do I sense a little note of trepidation there?

Mind, he's bilingual.

Mind, I am a superior being.

Mind, I love it when you wear just the hat.

Mind, I've come to sweep you off your feet.

Mind, I've gotta go out and get myself a job, a legitimate job.

Mind, isn't that beautiful? He wrote that himself.

Mind, look. This is marvelous.

Mind, Mind, Mind, but...

Mind, Mind, Mind. Oh, yes, Mind, Mind, Mind, look.

Mind, Mind, Mind...

Mind, Mind. I've got a better idea.

Mind, there's enough time for the grand finale.

Mind, wait till you see the little overalls I got him.

Mind, what are you doing on the floor?

Mind, will you give me one reason why we can't get married,

Mind, you don't know Miss Geezba.

Mind, you don't understand, like... He...

Mind, you tell him the truth. I can't look in those innocent brown eyes,

Mind, you've been in there all night. Are you gonna come out?

Mind?

Mind?

Mind. Mind.

Mind. Mind. Mind, he can walk.

Mind... It's hard to propose to a moving target. Mind.

Mindy calling Orson, come in, Orson.

Mindy calling Orson, come in, Orson.

Mindy calling Orson.

Mindy, a lot of people think of me

Mindy, any mixed marriage is rough.

Mindy, come on, you can't be so negative.

Mindy, look at the facts. Mork can never support you.

Mindy, that sounds dangerous and I'm gonna go with you.

Mindy, think.

Mindy, you hold my three hearts in your two hands.

MINDY: Bonsai tree?

MINDY: Don't.

MINDY: Go to sleep. I will.

MINDY: Grandma! Oh, there you are, Exidor.

MINDY: He seems so alien.

MINDY: Here, Mearth, hand Mommy your coat.

MINDY: Hi. Oh, hi.

MINDY: Just ignore Ovits. I will.

MINDY: Mearth. Mommy, Mearth.

MINDY: Mm! Mm.

MINDY: Mork, would you give me a hand?

MINDY: Mork? Mind, oh, you say the magic words.

MINDY: Mork. Yeah?

MINDY: No, we can't. MORK: Mearth, Mearth!

MINDY: Now, you keep your eye on the ball.

MINDY: Oh, Mork.

MINDY: Oh, no, I think he'd rather eat my comforter. No, no.

MINDY: Oh, no. Oh, Mearth. Mearth.

MINDY: Shh!

MINDY: So you liked your first movie, huh, Mearth?

MINDY: Wait a minute, Mearth. I'm going on a scavenger hunt.

MINDY: Well, soon, I hope.

MINDY: Well, we can't go there now, sweetheart,

MINDY: What are you doing?

MINDY: What's that?

MINDY: Yes.

MINDY: You know, Mork, now that he's talking,

Miss Geezba.

Miss Geezba...

Mm hm.

Mm. Here we go.

Mom, go on and see the governor.

Mommy and Daddy, I'm not Mearth anymore.

Mommy and Daddy, remember, no matter what happens,

Mommy hates to be a killjoy, but it's too late for Orkan stereo.

Mommy, Daddy, you can't make me stay here.

Mommy, I don't want you to worry anymore.

Mommy.

Mommy's gonna go talk to that little old pipsqueak.

More than one way to make a child eat healthy food.

MORK [ON RECORDING]: Mork promo, take one.

MORK & MINDY: He spoke!

MORK & MINDY: Oh.

Mork calling Orson, come in your Fat Farmness.

Mork calling Orson, come in, O Pudgy Potentate.

Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Your Battle of the Bulgeness.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Your Grandioseness.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Your Tub of Lardness.

Mork calling Orson. Come in...

Mork got pregnant, laid an egg, and now we're parents. Heh.

Mork is an alien.

Mork is an Orkan and he's aging backwards.

Mork is great.

Mork McConnell, crime fighter. Does that make you proud?

Mork took him to the park for lunch.

Mork, come on. I love you, and I'm not deserting you,

Mork, come on. I'm in.

Mork, do you realize how long it's been since we've been together alone?

Mork, don't be so hard on yourself.

Mork, having a child is difficult under normal circumstances,

Mork, he can destroy.

Mork, he's different.

Mork, I knew we shouldn't tell him he's an alien.

Mork, I said that and I meant it, but I'm sorry, my mind is made up.

Mork, I think his voice is changing.

Mork, I thought you agreed that we wouldn't tell Mearth

Mork, I'd like to help you, but this is the wrong time.

Mork, I'd like to help... What?

Mork, I'll bet there wasn't an emergency at all, was there?

Mork, I'll grant you one thing.

Mork, I'm gonna have to wait later.

Mork, I've just had a vision of incredible clarity.

Mork, it's a business trip.

Mork, it's almost midnight. I think we should sit down and talk.

Mork, it's not gonna be that easy.

Mork, just because the baby's gone away to school

Mork, listen, if your mind's made up, it's fine with me.

Mork, Mearth needs you now more than ever.

Mork, money is the key to happiness.

Mork, there's only two ways to propose.

Mork, these things have got to go back.

Mork, what are you doing here? And why is Mearth up so late?

Mork, what are you doing?

Mork, what happened? Have you been robbed?

Mork, why didn't you tell me about the application to Ork Prep?

Mork, why does our place look like Bob Barker's den?

Mork, will you forget the movie? You have your son's respect.

Mork, will you get to the point?

Mork, you already have a job,

Mork, you can join me on my crusade.

Mork, you can't make an investment unless you can afford to lose.

Mork, you don't have to prove anything.

Mork, you may have seen me angry before,

Mork, you're late.

Mork, you've got to make that once in a lifetime investment

MORK: Bup bup bup.

MORK: Good. Maybe we can buy you a normal size nose.

MORK: I can't, Mind, I've got my hem caught in a sprinkler head.

MORK: I know, Mind, and not a single Medfly in the bunch.

MORK: I think I've thought of a name for him, Mind.

MORK: Look at her go, son. A loop de loop.

MORK: Mind, come on, now...

MORK: Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson.

MORK: Mork calling Orson.

MORK: Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

MORK: Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

MORK: Na no, na no.

MORK: Na no, na no.

MORK: Na no, na no.

MORK: No, no. No, Mind, Mind, Mind. No.

MORK: Now, make nice, make nice. There

MORK: Oh, hi, hi, little pooter,

MORK: Oh, isn't it amazing? Isn't he magnificent?

MORK: Oh, look, Mind, aren't they cute at this age?

MORK: Ow!

MORK: See, Mommy's using visual aids. She's telling the story really well.

MORK: That's very nice. He's already made little friends.

MORK: There you go. Come to Mama. Come on, there we go.

MORK: This is not the American embassy!

MORK: Will you folks talk a little louder? I can't hear a word you're saying!

MORK: You have to realize that most squirrels don't normally fly like that.

Mork!

Mork.

Mork.

Mork. Tsk.

Mr. Silver was eaten by a doggy.

Mr. Sternhagen said it had nothing to do with my being a woman,

My God, it is true.

My gosh, that's like being an ambassador to the entire planet.

My name is Baba Gentle.

Na no, sir. It's an honor to meet you, sir.

Na no.

Na no.

Neener neener neener. Ha, ha.

Never did like Old Jake.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Never mind. I'll get it myself.

Never plays with the kids, and brings in the paycheck.

Next thing I knew, they were driving him away in a van.

Night, Mearth.

Nixon impersonators.

No house of mine's gonna become a broken home.

No one could ever love you as much as us.

No one's ever gonna be able to fill my kid's shoes.

No way.

No, but I can read your face.

No, come on, that's all right. I'll take it over.

No, Dad, you'd really be better if you'd stay here by the phone.

No, don't cry, please.

No, I didn't. And no one likes a tattletale. Sit!

No, I don't, Mind, and why should I?

No, I'm Baba Swell. Everybody here loves me.

No, it isn't all right.

No, it's okay.

No, it's romantic. We're gonna ride off into the sunset.

No, Mearth and I were just playing Morkie Dearest.

No, Mind, I think he wants the flowers in the comforter, not the comforter.

No, never. Even that big TV?

No, no, no, don't touch that.

No, no, no.

No, not really.

No, that's not what I meant

No, we had Italian food last night.

No, you have to bite off the tip first.

No! No, he'll choke on that. No, Mearth.

No! No.

No?

No.

No. Mearth, look over there.

No. Muffy, come here, chap.

No. No, no, no, it's a baby.

Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.

Nobody finds me unless I want them to find me.

Nocturnal sur...

None at all. Nobody will play with me.

None of you. I have parents.

Not a smudge on it.

Not Barbarella.

Not during General Hospital.

Not just Mommy and Daddy, it's Mommy and Daddy and...

Not nearly as important as what you're doing.

Not now, Mork. I've gotta get up in the morning.

Not only to yourself, but to me and especially toward your son.

Not the harp, though, Mind. Not the harp.

Not too bad. I had one little 5 foot Avon lady, but she got away.

Not what they think that they should be.

Note the dual purpose jacket,

Nothing can stop me now, Mind, I got it.

Now everywhere I go, everybody's wearing Exidor outfits.

Now I want everyone to go their separate ways

Now show me a country where it's legal to marry your livestock.

Now you got an all day spider.

Now, as I understand it,

Now, Baba Swell,

Now, boys and girls, it's time for show and tell.

Now, come on, now, he's a little helpless innocent child.

Now, first couple back wins a dinner for two

Now, for you urbane urban cowboys,

Now, give me your hand. Help me.

Now, honey, let me see if I can... I can say this tactfully.

Now, I know you have a lot of questions for your pediatrician.

Now, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your business, you little...

Now, logically, I know what the answer should be,

Now, Mind, come on, we've gotta come down to Ork here.

Now, Mork, I don't want you to overreact.

Now, regarding this problem with your son...

Now, son, please, please. I'm not a coward.

Now, tell me where the others are hiding.

Now, that's a criminal over there with a gun,

Now, you never were afraid of new experiences.

Number one, one burning or badly charred bush.

Of course.

Of course. I sold out.

Of having something as precious as children.

Oh ho ho.

Oh, a check.

Oh, American cheese, Mearth.

Oh, boy, back up to that Fortress of Solitude.

Oh, but, Mind, you took more time to make up your mind

Oh, certainement, sir.

Oh, come on now, Mind, he can accept it.

Oh, come on, Mind, he doesn't have to, really.

Oh, come on, tell her. Oh, I'm cramping up emotionally.

Oh, Dad, God bless you. You sound just like Steve Garvey.

Oh, dandruff.

Oh, don't do that. You'll give him whiplash.

Oh, don't feel that way, sweetheart.

Oh, don't look, son.

Oh, down, boy. Mork, down, boy, down, boy.

Oh, Earth head,

Oh, excuse me, Ola.

Oh, family, family, I have wonderful, wonderful news.

Oh, gee. Not another major depression.

Oh, good, another person I can't compete with.

Oh, good, good. There we go. There.

Oh, great. Heh, heh.

Oh, heh. I mean, the possibilities are infinite.

Oh, hi.

Oh, him.

Oh, huzzah, huzzah, it's him, it's him, it's him.

Oh, I couldn't have done it without you.

Oh, I feel like a snail trail without the glitter.

Oh, I forgot to baste it.

Oh, I know. Wait a minute. I'll take the positive approach.

Oh, I really feel like I should stay.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I shined my shoes until they're almost silver.

Oh, I sure do, and you'll love this.

Oh, I'm a very inquisitive child. You probably noticed that.

Oh, isn't this to die over? I see 20 things I already wanna get.

Oh, it's my Book of the Month Club. Gary Coleman: The Early Years.

Oh, just brushing my hair and making some notes.

Oh, little pooter, come on, now, pucker up.

Oh, little pooter, little pooter.

Oh, look at all the flowers. Mork, the room looks beautiful.

Oh, make two lines now.

Oh, Mearth, I missed you at recess.

Oh, Mearth, Mearth, look what Daddy made especially for you. Yes!

Oh, Mearth, sweetheart, don't you say that.

Oh, Mearth. Mearth, I missed you. I was gone for two days.

Oh, Mearth...

Oh, Mind, a minute ago he was crying,

Oh, Mind, he's a genius.

Oh, Mind, he's gone.

Oh, Mind, I have to admit,

Oh, Mind, I'm just so happy to be back at school again, I'm sorry.

Oh, Mind, isn't he beautiful? I mean, he's got your eyes

Oh, Mind, it's so nice now that he knows he's an alien too.

Oh, Mind, listen, I mean, even Superman can't do this. Watch.

Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind.

Oh, Mind, Mind, that never affected, like, Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier

Oh, Mind, you call this ridiculous?

Oh, Mind, you know, well, preppies can be such snobs, Mind,

Oh, Mind. Mind, I'm a mother. Huzzah, huzzah!

Oh, Mind. Oh, isn't he the most beautiful?

Oh, Mindy asked to work the night shift?

Oh, Mindy dear, we all love Mork.

Oh, Mindy, we don't like to see you cheated out

Oh, Mindy. Yeah.

Oh, Mommy, Daddy, I'm all ready for school.

Oh, Mork, he'll get over it.

Oh, Mork, if I married you,

Oh, Mork, it's a beautiful ring.

Oh, Mork, it's so nice to have him back.

Oh, Mork, this is so sweet of you to do this for me.

Oh, Mork, we've looked everywhere.

Oh, Mork, you don't need a finale.

Oh, Mork, you don't need a finale.

Oh, Mork, you should've seen the look on his face.

Oh, Mork, you've given me flowers and perfume and horses. What's left?

Oh, Mork.

Oh, Mork.

Oh, Mork.

Oh, Mork.

Oh, Mork.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my pleasure, sir. Lovely seven and three quarters.

Oh, neat.

Oh, no sweat. Will someone now call a policeman?

Oh, no, he won't.

Oh, no, it's not a present.

Oh, no, Mearth, your daddy has a job. He watches you.

Oh, no, Mind, I can't take it.

Oh, no, Mork. They've gotten to him. What will we do?

Oh, no, no, no, you do the honors.

Oh, no, sir, au contraire, it's the other way around, you see.

Oh, no, sir. I'm high on life.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. A belt sander. You shouldn't have.

Oh, no. Don't start.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh. The restless... Oh, the tossing, the turning.

Oh, please come home, Mearth.

Oh, please don't do that.

Oh, poor baby.

Oh, Pops, you'll be so proud of her.

Oh, really? Ha, ha. And who are you, Wonder Woman?

Oh, sir, being a parent is always on the job training.

Oh, sir, come on, now. I know you're gonna love him

Oh, sir, he's in the pink.

Oh, sir, I'm glad you think so.

Oh, sir. Oh, this will assure him of a college education,

Oh, son, come on, now, I think there's a lot of tension in here.

Oh, son, look.

Oh, son. Son, don't you worry about a thing.

Oh, sounds like a cult we had on Ork called the Rosorryians.

Oh, sure, you will, honey.

Oh, surely, son.

Oh, sweetheart, don't you ever think that.

Oh, sweetheart, stop crying, it's all right.

Oh, thank you, godfather. Mm mm.

Oh, thank you. That's much better. But where's Orson?

Oh, that was a mistake. I apologize.

Oh, that's all right with me, Mind. I've slept through an eclipse. Heh, heh.

Oh, that's all right. Tickle, tickle, tickle.

Oh, that's an interesting piece of sculpture. Is it a wedding gift?

Oh, that's fine, Mind. I'm about to lose my son's respect for life,

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's okay. After Dark. One for After Dark.

Oh, they're hairy.

Oh, this is a wonderful moment.

Oh, this is gonna be a black mark on your record, Dad,

Oh, uh, na no, na no to you too, sir.

Oh, we'll have a girl next time, Mind.

Oh, well, no, he didn't, Mork.

Oh, well, son, look at the good side.

Oh, well, that's a generic term, yes, Mind.

Oh, yay, huzzah, he's returned!

Oh, yeah, that sounds nutritious.

Oh, yeah. Maybe it's a letter from him.

Oh, yes, sir, it's the universe's one and only Mearth McConnell.

Oh, yes, sir. Eh ee.

Oh, yes, thank you for your blessing.

Oh, you are sitting. Just bend your legs.

Oh, you know what's wrong, Mind?

Oh, you see? That's wonderful.

Oh, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry.

Oh, you're right. Mearth, go put on your jacket.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Anthony Quinn wouldn't look smashing in something like that.

Oh. Come on, now. Come on, now, my little Mearth, my little whiz kid.

Oh. I know the profit sharing, the pension plan,

Oh. It sounds like you were skiing over your head.

Oh. Mearth, breakfast time! Come and get it, come on now.

Oh. Mearth, do you have a frog in your throat?

Oh. Mearth, I mean, what about Superman?

Oh. Mind, I feel just like Anne Bancroft in The Miracle Worker.

Oh. Oh, um, uh...

Oh. Oh, you're deserting me for business, Mind.

Oh. Oh...

Oh. On third thought, Pops, I guess you're right.

Oh. Thank you, Sissy.

Oh. You're right, Pops.

Oh... So that's why Mork was acting so strange at dinner.

Okay

Okay, Armageddon.

Okay, but I can't promise anything.

Okay, but since we're almost family, I can make one exception.

Okay, give me an O.

Okay, ladies, there we are.

Okay, okay.

Okay, tell you what, we can combine the two.

Okay, then if we have to do our lessons, where's Metropolis?

Okay, this is for you and Mommy.

Okay, well, we'll be downstairs if you need us, all right?

Okay? Here's a list of things we'll all be looking for.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Come over here and Daddy will teach you how to play catch.

Okay. I'm just gonna leave the light on for a few more minutes, okay?

Okay. Let's see, how should I put this?

Okay. Let's see.

Okay. You don't wanna be Mrs. Mork?

Oliver was a goldfish.

On Earth when man and woman love each other...

On something called Tammy's Run.

On your mark, get set, propose.

Once Mearth gets to know the other children and our alphabet.

Once on a field trip to the sun, she made me wear a coat.

One copy of The Prophet autographed by Shaun Cassidy,

One, two, three.

One... Also, one partially hidden truth, some new or used karma,

Ooh! But Herman, he's stuck to it.

Or any large farmers from the central time zone,

Or at least a hamburger and some onion rings.

Or is it?

Or just trying to figure out what do si do means,

Or make a decision for yourself.

Or sit on his face,

Or the brightest,

Or the job at Remtec of nocturnal surveillance official.

Or the wealthiest man in the world,

Or throwing the bull mechanically,

Or whatever you Orkans do for luck.

Or you can go out and go to the real world

Or you wish for something, it just can't be.

Ork, the "Show Me" planet.

ORSON: After that comment, you'd better have an interesting report.

ORSON: But don't you want Mearth to pursue a career you can be proud of?

ORSON: Do you always have to report when I'm eating?

ORSON: Good to see you. Oh, good to see you too, sir.

ORSON: He must have been devastated

ORSON: Hello, Mork.

ORSON: How's the little fella doing in school?

ORSON: I want Mearth's application for Ork Prep.

ORSON: I'm using the speaker in Mork's ear.

ORSON: It's not Mork. It's Orson.

ORSON: Mork, is that who I think it is?

ORSON: Mork, no Orkan has entered into a marriage since our dark ages.

ORSON: Mork, you can't abdicate.

ORSON: Mork. Sir.

ORSON: Mork. Sir.

ORSON: My secret is egg shells in the grounds.

ORSON: Na no, Mearth.

ORSON: Na no, Mork. Sir.

ORSON: Now, let me say na no to the little fellow.

ORSON: Psst.

ORSON: Silence! Sir.

ORSON: Silence! Sir.

ORSON: So how's the family?

ORSON: Sorry, Mork's mind isn't equipped with a thermostat.

ORSON: That's my godson. He is indeed, sir.

ORSON: The matter is closed

ORSON: There will be no discussion.

ORSON: Today Ork Prep, tomorrow Ork Med.

ORSON: Very commendable, Mork. Thank you, sir.

ORSON: What?

ORSON: What?

ORSON: What?

ORSON: Who cares? Na no, na no.

ORSON: You'll love it.

ORSON: You're excused.

Orson.

Our baby is a full grown man.

Our Exidor Western wear is just for you.

Our incredible swimsuit collection right now.

Our little baby can talky awky.

Our mail. Yay. Oh, yeah.

Our son will have finally disowned me,

Outsiders. Seize them!

Pardon me, sir. It's nap time. We'd better be running along.

Parents? What are those?

Partner!

Pathetic.

Paul Newman blue, you know, like "bing."

Pepe, that's why you're a caddy and I'm on the tour.

Pepe. Pepe, you call yourself a tailor?

Perfect American father. She comes home late,

Perfect.

Perhaps Mearth has something he'd like to share.

Play!

Playboy. One for Playboy. There we go.

Please, come on, Dad, you can level with me.

Please, he's telling you the truth, Charlie. Oh, I'm a nonviolent person.

Please, I have some pride.

Please, please, how do...? How do I propose to Mindy?

Poor little guy.

Poor Mearth.

Powdered? It's not powder, it's...

Powdered.

Presents, Mearth.

Probably harder for him to understand than an episode of Hill Street Blues.

Probably.

Pshaw, Mind, it's a joke, right, like the volunteer Army?

Psst.

Put the mitt like this, okay?

Put the tape in the tape recorder down there, please.

Quick, Mindy, call Air Brazil.

Raising a child.

Rather unique.

Realizes that we were meant to be married

Rejection.

Remember when I did that piece on the Utopians?

Remember when I was 11

Remember, at school you join the band, don't be the organ carrier.

Remtec Corporation? Shh, shh, shh.

Ride on this great big green grasshopper.

Right, that's true.

Roast. Don't forget to put it in the oven.

Room for one more?

Sara Purcell, and that black guy.

Say "Daddy."

Say hi to Grandpops. There we go. Say "Hi, Grandpa."

Saying it's a little mistake

School. I'm going.

Score now, love love.

See here, I've been a teacher for 43 bleams,

See how unique you are, sweetheart?

See that, son? Never too old for nap time.

See, Dewey Fishbeck had an allergic reaction to his toupee,

See, for some strange Orkan reason,

See, I have this really important decision

See, I told you that she was tougher than a rawhide chew stick.

See, I wanna get this real clean,

See, Mork, sometimes in life, no matter how much you dream

See, Mork? You've been searching for something you had all along.

See, the nice thing about it is, if you drop it, he'll follow you home.

See, when I was going to school, I was the one they made fun of.

Señor Goodnews has something he wants to tell you, doesn't he, Daddy?

She is a mean, little, small person.

She still may be up there, but her luggage always arrived.

She was a strange woman, heavy into voodoo.

Shoe.

Show me mayonnaise.

Shut up! I told you, empty the pockets.

Sir, I just happen to have a few photographs here with me.

Sir, it's been a very difficult week for Mearth

Sir?

Sissy?

Sneaking around with Orson behind my brain?

So Baba Love loves you, huh?

So good luck, happy hunting and be here now, if not, get there later.

So how's that godson of mine?

So I can spend all my time with you two.

So I'll be the breadwinner. I want a career.

So I'm just gonna lay this right out.

So is my couch, Mork.

So that I can play with the kids, or they in turn will play with me.

So that's what happened to our old anchorman.

So that's where it goes.

So they asked me to write questions for him to ask the governor.

So well tended.

So why don't you take your milk and cookies

So you can bring in 20 extra channels.

So you can understand how innocently this disaster started.

So you take care and have a nice time.

So you wanna be just like everybody else, huh?

So, Mearth, where did Mommy take you for lunch today?

So, what do you say we get to that old application?

So, what do you think of where Daddy works?

Some outsider tried to interfere with us taking him at the airport.

Somehow that makes me so excited.

Something the world keeps crying for more of.

Sometimes I wish I was the garbage man,

Sometimes just a little present will do a world of good.

Son, I have lots of wonderful qualities. I'm prompt, I'm...

Son, I know exactly how you feel.

Son, now, please, son, please.

Son, that's what I've been waiting to hear.

Son, wait! Wait, you haven't even seen what happens when I add the gravy.

Son, you don't need to go to school.

Son, you see, I was sent here to observe.

Son, your mother and I can teach you everything you need to know at home.

Sorry, wait. I'm... Oh, wait. Just tell her. Tell her. It's okay.

Sounds like it'd be easier to get James Watt into the Sierra Club.

Speaking.

Stop that, Daddy. Stop it, you mustn't...

Such a big man, and he gives so little.

Superman can't make exact change like we can.

Sure thanked your daddy.

Surely I can handle you.

Surprise!

Sweetheart, an education is very important.

Sweetheart, Daddy isn't kidding.

Sweetheart, you sit down and we'll be back there.

Sweetheart, you're a special little boy

Take a hike.

Take care of him. Take care of him. I'll be right back.

Take it from Exidor: Money doesn't make you happy.

Take that alligator off your shirt, it's been dead for a month now."

Teenagers.

Tell me something, Daddy.

Tell the truth, Teddy.

Tell you what, how would you feel about going back to Ork Prep

Tell you what, let's take a vote. What do you vote for?

Tell you what, tell you what. It's 11:59 now.

Terry the Teeney Terror didn't have a spit curl and red boots.

Than Exidor himself, modelling the executive Exidor?

Thank you

Thank you for the coffee. It was delicious.

Thank you, Mommy.

Thank you, thank you, Baba Pooter.

Thanks. I hope you're right.

That child is astounding.

That fathers put too much pressure on themselves

That he'd bite my head off and bark down my neck.

That I can expand my knowledge into so many fields

That I care about nothing except staying in focus

That I have to make in about two hours.

That is a big sucker.

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

That makes me feel a heck of a lot better. I thought it was personal.

That means he can swim in the water and he's also pretty good on the land.

That means he's aging backwards,

That will be enough, class!

That will take care of all your family's financial needs.

That you aren't exactly like all the other kids?

That'd be nice, sir, if you wanna teach a child to heel or roll over.

That's a nice try there, sir.

That's a very big word for me, amphibious.

That's all right, just one little page anyway.

That's all right, Mind. I'll catch the next one.

That's all right. I subscribe to the National Enquirer.

That's bad.

That's Dr. Exidor.

That's enough, young man. Go to your room.

That's ever happened in my entire life.

That's game, set and match. Thank you, Sissy.

That's great, son.

That's it. There's the school beam now.

That's not teaching about life.

That's right, Hi yo Silver, giddy up, move it, horsey.

That's right. Hold your chin up high. Then they can really deck you.

That's the letter O.

That's very safe.

That's what I'm going to call him, Mr. Silver Helmet.

That's what it says on my scorecard.

The airport, I saw him at the airport.

The application will be completed and on my desk in the morning.

The biggest choice I had to make in my life

The chances are, you can't.

The distinguished looking gentleman in the diaper.

The first annual Baba Love Scavenger Hunt!

The governor suggested that we start out

The kids wouldn't play with me and I finally...

The little Chihuahua had an overbite and he got your plane.

The old Orkan songs.

The old silent treatment, eh?

The only thing we can do is to try and break him out ourselves.

The Orkan part of you is aging backwards so you're getting smaller.

The other day we were going past a music store... Let me show you.

The perks aren't what they should be,

The person that bought it is a little strange,

The personnel director liked me?

The porcine and porcupine quality, of the tiny bubbles

The reason I ask is mine are all dull from trying to sharpen my crayons.

The rest are on your own.

The same diamond pointing down to his shoes in the back.

The shiksa split.

The sun set four hours ago.

The three of us will have a nice time, Mork.

The tooth fairy has been keeping up with inflation.

The truth is this is mine,

The truth of the matter is, Mind,

The Utopians have a retreat up in the mountains not too far from here.

The Utopians?

Then slide down a pole.

Then the newspaper reported that a freak tornado

Then you get to collect all the cash.

There are a lot of bad things, but mostly there's good in the world.

There been some people asking questions about you.

There was, I mean, Amelia Earhart.

There were no flights.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go. Neener ner.

There. Now, a little nother one. There we go.

There... One for Parents' World. There's another.

There's a bar down the street that caters to superheroes, okay?

There's always one idiot who comes to a barbecue

There's gotta be a way out of here.

There's gotta be something we can do to make people want this.

There's not room for the three of us. I'll sleep on the couch.

There's snow on the windowsill

There's Uncle Bill

There's winter Snowfall, snowbells

They found out if they left me alone with a Doberman

They just had one ten minutes ago, and all they did was dribble.

They said Chicago was the Windy City.

They should be concentrating on being loved for what they are,

They should never have held the Olympics in Australia.

They think I don't care about anybody else's problems

They thought he was a man.

They try, but they can't get the stains out of your dry cleaning.

They were good to me. This place is like Utopia,

They were usually the ones I learned the most from.

They, well, both of them brought me life and love.

They'll buy anything their parents hate.

They're grazing in a flower bed. Heh.

They're lying!

Things like this just don't happen in the Midwest.

Think of all the fun you're having around home.

Think of all the wonderful things I can teach him.

Thirty five for gas.

This diamond pointing down towards the man's shoes.

This guy's in love with you

This has got to be the most bizarre thing

This has just all happened so fast.

This is a very delicate situation.

This is an outrage! We bring you a special message from Baba Love.

This is for my musical comedy workshop only.

This is gonna be a lot harder than it was

This is gonna be an emotional lay up, you know what I'm saying?

This is just worse than being called Butchie, the dog faced boy.

This is no way to raise a child.

This is not what I call a positive attitude.

This is ridiculous.

This is so sudden. I'll need some time.

This is the first time a baby has ever given me a perfect footprint

This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

This is the kind of place we might find a man

This is the planet Earth.

This isn't Monopoly money. This is real money.

This looks like boiled grass.

This may shock and even nauseate you.

This one was snapped just before we were airborne.

This place is wonderful,

This time I'm gonna throw it, and you catch it in the mitt, okay?

This will be bigger than Polaroid, Genentech

Those are for Mindy. I tried to propose to her.

Those are his eyes. He's blinking.

Three hundred dollar dress on a wire hanger?

Through the totally outrageous world of Exidor,

Till I make you happy too

Till next week, sir, na no, na no.

Tired

To a Japanese restaurant, and I had tempura

To avoid any trouble, we're shipping him out tonight to our Oregon retreat.

To be the apple of their child's eye?

To find out he was half Earthling.

To flush Oliver down the toilet.

To hit a child.

To shoot for the stars, it's not always good to choose which galaxy.

To the grindstone, she'd be here right now.

To watch your children grow up, and it's...

Today a vegetable snowman, tomorrow a liver collie.

Tomorrow his hero will be Reggie Jackson.

Too campy? Ah.

Toss the tomato on the back of the saddle

Touched down in a small bar.

Try a five iron?

Ugh. Big lunch, Mind?

Uh, are you trying to tell me that I'm the grandfather of a chicken?

Uh, I'm sorry I was mean to you this morning.

Uh, incidentally, could I have a glass with Fred Flintstone on it?

Uh, Mearth came home very upset,

Uh, Mindy, you loved Oliver too, but you got over him.

Uh, Mork, I don't mean to interfere,

Uh, Mork, I don't think you understand what a good father is.

Uh, Mork, you're not gonna let him go out like that.

Uh, one pair of Naugahyde women's panties.

Um, Orson, I don't know how I feel

Um, where are you?

Unless you're having a heart transplant, but...

Unless you've got an inside tip, Mind, I think that's pretty risky.

Until next week, Mork. Na no.

Until next week, sir, na no, na no.

Until next week, sir, na no.

Until next week, Thunder Thighs, Mork and Mearth signing off.

Until you let me marry Mindy.

Utopians don't go on scavenger hunts.

Violence, nuclear holocaust, and over bearing sales people.

Wait a minute, Mayday,

Wait a minute!

Wait, wait, I want you to meet my friends.

Wait, wait, wait.

Want me to teach you how to play catch? Yeah?

Was going into labor.

Was whether to have my hair permed or fix the cat.

Watch the ball. One, two, three. Ooh.

We agreed there wasn't going to be a scene.

We can live on this for about an hour.

We could have our second annual Punt, Pass and Kick competition.

We don't wanna get your blood sugar level too high.

We gotta be able to sell this stuff.

We have a worker convert and we're keeping him.

We have to choose the words very carefully.

We just can't find him.

We know that love is a wonderful thing. It is a powerful thing.

We know... We know that this can be a meaningful experience.

We love you for who you are.

We must decide what we are going to look for on our scavenger hunt.

We never had one.

We Orkans have an incredible way of communicating with each other.

We want our money back now, and don't call me "the little woman."

We want our money back.

We'd like two milks, please.

We'll be back after this commercial to the KTNS Science Fiction Festival

We'll combine geography and hide and seek.

We'll honor his choice, even if he wants to become a network executive.

We'll just hope it never happens again.

We'll play in the streets with real hazards,

We're both right.

We're gonna have to be careful no one finds out he's an A L I E N.

We're gonna take action

We're so much happier than the Jeffersons.

We're together all day long.

We've always been truthful with each other,

We've been walking around for two days.

We've got another hour until the next beam.

We've had a change of heart,

Well, are you happy now, Mind?

Well, as a matter of fact, I do.

Well, at least you have options.

Well, because I was an alien.

Well, being different isn't bad.

Well, besides that, son, how was your day?

Well, big kiss

Well, by the time you come back from your trip,

Well, can't it wait till the morning?

Well, come on, now, Mind, don't panic. Exidor knows what he's doing.

Well, compared to us, you had a swell time.

Well, Dewey's the anchorman.

Well, do something!

Well, Exidor, all we have is $900 and my stock in Air Libya.

Well, for instance, uh, you drop them, they don't break.

Well, give me a head start. It's gonna take me a while.

Well, Governor Lamm is taking a skiing vacation up in Aspen,

Well, honey, if that's what you wanna do.

Well, how about these? Exidoreos.

Well, I can always write a diet book.

Well, I didn't get the newscaster job.

Well, I gotta go, Mork.

Well, I guess I owe it all to Ann Miller's hair spray.

Well, I guess there's no putting this off any longer.

Well, I guess you're not in the mood

Well, I have a report for him, Keezbalita.

Well, I have to go away for the weekend to Aspen.

Well, I mean, he's an alien from the planet Krypton and...

Well, I once stopped a lady in the express line

Well, I really did enjoy the movies.

Well, I wasn't invited.

Well, I'll see what Teddy says.

Well, I'm just on my way to play a little Dixieland.

Well, I'm proud to say, sir, a lot better than I did.

Well, I've got to finish my paper for the medical journal.

Well, I've tried to find a job, but I have no skills.

Well, if we can't call the police, what are we gonna do?

Well, isn't this an exciting feature?

Well, it all started off with a simple lesson in geography.

Well, it's American cheese.

Well, it's been about two and a half hours since we've seen Superman.

Well, it's the most attractive costume I've ever seen.

Well, it's time to tell him that he's half Orkan

Well, just for a little while.

Well, just take some time, you know?

Well, just two ordinary people trying to take a fashion risk.

Well, just...

Well, Mearth, Abraham Lincoln was our 16th president.

Well, Mearth, that's an easy thing to do.

Well, Mommy and Daddy, come on down.

Well, Mork, I must admit, he is rather exceptional.

Well, Mork, I must say that it's a boring choice,

Well, Mork, you see, with children,

Well, Mork, you were protecting Mearth.

Well, no comment.

Well, no, we have to do our lessons.

Well, now, Mindy, I may have glossed over

Well, okay, honey, fire away.

Well, okay. So where's the bride?

Well, patience, patience.

Well, sir, especially around the equator.

Well, sir, I could wait, but the Earth's sun does have a limited lifespan.

Well, sir, that's not our decision.

Well, sir, that's the short view.

Well, sir, you're gonna decorate me for this one.

Well, son, son, wait a minute.

Well, that leaves real estate.

Well, that's a very nice thought,

Well, that's before I found out it was named after the late Tammy Ericson.

Well, that's my space... Oh.

Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.

Well, the color combination on this cookie is excellent.

Well, the title is Rejection Descending a Staircase.

Well, the two of you have a nice time.

Well, then I guess we're overdue.

Well, then you're stuck with C.

Well, there he goes again,

Well, these are our away uniforms.

Well, time for me to hit the old sack.

Well, uh, I'll discuss it with Mork and then we'll get back to you.

Well, what do you think it is, son?

Well, when they put my personality profile through the computer,

Well, where was Baba Love when you had that cold, huh? Hmm?

Well, why can't he take us there now?

Well, will you tell him, please, that Mork called,

Well, William F. Buckley was hosting The Muppets this evening.

Well, yes. He didn't stir fry his toys or anything, but...

Well, you can forget about the boutique. I dumped it.

Well, you can, but if you do, I'll hold my breath.

Well, you just said that the personnel director liked you

Well, you know something? They're right.

Well, you really topped yourself that time, Mork.

Well, you said you always liked Jerry Lewis.

Well, you say stop teasing, let's get to the real goodies.

Well...

Well... For what?

Whale skin, whale skin.

What a day it is outside, huh?

What a wonderful child I am.

What about that, Señor Goodnews?

What are friends for?

What are the notes for?

What are you watching?

What Baba Love wants to plan for the 80s is a new concept:

What did I tell you? What did I tell you? She's the house of correction.

What do I do to make you mine?

What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break?

What do you mean? Is Mearth all right?

What happened?

What happens to your career if he's transferred to another planet?

What is it you said, sir?

What makes you say that, Mind?

What she needs is time to be close to the child,

What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we're...

What size is that?

What the hell is going on here?

What was in it, a Buick?

What were you two doing? Hmm? Huh? Hmm?

What you doing, Mind?

What you gave me

What?

What?

What? Herman?

What? Wait.

What...? All right. And who are you?

What's doing this?

What's that? What's that over there?

What's the one thing the world needs more of?

When she asks a question, all you have to do is raise your hand.

When they wake up in the morning, they expect the world to stink.

When you're using Mork's mind, there's bound to be some ill effects.

When's Mommy coming back?

Where does Superman live?

Where is he?

Where style and elegance meet for a very brief moment.

Where the hell are you?

Where would he learn such big words?

Where's the application Mork promised to fill out?

Whether you're on the fringe or just living on welfare,

Whether you're riding the mechanical bull

Whew.

Whew.

Which converts into a fashionable pup tent.

Which reminds me, our love is strong,

While you were off gallivanting with the governor,

Who came along but the Babas to save me.

Who doesn't eat meat.

Who had too many items.

Who in the hell are you?

Who wants to go first?

Who will violate law and the American way.

Who would have thought Mickey Mantle would end up this way?

Whoa, Houdini, watch out.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoa. You're really generating some negative energy here.

Whoo.

Whoo. Well, you know, Mearth, I think it's way past your bedtime.

Why can't I give some to you?

Why couldn't we have gotten those designer robes with the slit up the side?

Why didn't you just flush it instead?

Why do new parents always ask that question?

Why don't you want Mearth to go to school?

Why me? Why do I have to be different?

Why not send the child to obedience school?

Why wasn't I consulted?

Why, it sure does.

Why?

Why? Because I'm bigger than you are.

Why? You don't have to go.

Why'd you cut us off, Mind? There was a part for you in the musical.

Will you let me finish please?

Will you marry me, Mind?

Will you marry me?

Will you talk some sense into him, please?

Will you tell me?

Winter's coming

Wise up, Mindy.

With four or five boxes of empty goldfish cartons.

With no fear of visible panty line.

WOMAN: Hola.

WOMAN: Orson no in casa. This is his housekeeper, Keezbalita.

Won't I?

Won't you join us for this incredible fashion smorgasbord?

Would you believe it? I'm cleaning my oven.

Wouldn't hit a man standing behind a woman wearing glasses, would you?

Wow.

Wow. I've never had my molecules scattered all over the universe before.

Yeah, all right. Uh huh.

Yeah, but I can't tell anybody, especially my own son, Mearth.

Yeah, but that means I'll have to watch People's Court alone.

Yeah, but you said you loved me, you know, love me.

Yeah, did you ever see Massacre at Central High?

Yeah, he's cute, Mork, in a mature sort of way,

Yeah, I guess you've never ridden a pony through a car wash before, huh?

Yeah, I'd say that just about defines the word.

Yeah, Mind, but there's no substitute for experience.

Yeah, Mind, l...

Yeah, mm hm. Good day job hunting?

Yeah, this is a great location, Mork.

Yeah, you know... Ugh! Can't sleep. Insomnia!

Yeah, you're absolutely right. I feel a little self indulgent recently.

Yeah.

Yeah. We love you, little half and half pint.

Yeah. We're gonna try this again.

Yep. Well, I'll give him his bottle.

Yes, and they'll brainwash people until they'll give up everything.

Yes, and we don't mind if he still likes to chase cars

Yes, but I love Mindy.

Yes, but I'm afraid this one is impossible.

Yes, Daddy's right.

Yes, for the man on the go who can't say no

Yes, for the true executive, it says, "One good audit puts me in jail for life."

Yes, I bet she's got some good strokes, huh, fellas?

Yes, let's put the fun back in fundamentalism.

Yes, ma'am, I'd doing it on the Wit and Wisdom of Richard Nixon.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, Mork, that was cute. You tell him it goes back.

Yes, oh, Mind, Mind, it's so good to know

Yes, see, he's amphibious.

Yes, there was, Mind. You didn't feel part of the family.

Yes, they wouldn't let me speak to him.

Yes, unisex robes for all occasions and every mood,

Yes, yes, ditto.

Yes, you'll finally see all the lines on Dick Clark's face.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. She said, "Yes."

Yes. Tell them what it is, Baba Loo.

Yo, my boy, my boy, my son, my son, my son.

Yo, your space Mountainship!

You and I haven't had one for a long time.

You and I need to have a talk.

You are head of a household now. That means you have responsibilities.

You better believe it, Fatso.

You call giving all our money to Exidor shrewd?

You can come from another country with a name like:

You can read minds too?

You catch it in the mitt. Okay? Here we go.

You charge into her life on a fiery white stallion,

You check down here and I'll hide under your robe.

You check up the stairs and I'll look through here.

You combine Mork, Mindy and Earth equals Mearth.

You could go, but the lease is in your name.

You dare doubt the word of Baba Love?

You did it, Mork, you did it.

You do.

You don't have to run away. We're your family.

You don't mind having that alien sit on your television

You don't wanna spoil him like that.

You don't want me to go, do you?

You don't want the engagement ring?

You found me and we fell in love.

You go, continue training with your love broom.

You got it.

You have a good day, okay? I'll see you when you get home.

You have got to be kidding.

You have Mommy and Daddy.

You have never been the object of ridicule

You have the biggest responsibility of all,

You have to give them love, understanding, companionship,

You have your son's respect. Listen, all kids go through

You haven't had a date like that with an earthman.

You hold your hands real high.

You just find someplace safe

You just happened to crush my Karl Malden picture.

You just... You and Mom don't love me anymore.

You know something, Baba Hope, you talk pretty.

You know something, I've been thinking, Mom.

You know something?

You know something? You handled that so well with Mearth.

You know there's probably a barrier that shouldn't be crossed.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what would make me really happy?

You know what, Mearth?

You know, "Biffy, a Krugerrand seems to have fallen out of your loafer

You know, Baba Love not only sends his love because Baba Love is love.

You know, everybody always told me I was a good skier,

You know, I could really deck you right now.

You know, I don't think I know

You know, I think that we three should have a talk right now.

You know, I've traveled all around the galaxy,

You know, L O V V.

You know, Mork, little Mearth...

You know, my grandmother used to do that.

You know, on Ork, all the kids look just like you.

You know, Pops, wherever Mindy goes, I go,

You know, solitaire is a game, but it's not a way of life.

You know, Superman flies. It's a bummer having to ride the bus.

You know, when you dress like that,

You lied

You love Mork. Mork loves you.

You might just be a big...

You mustn't kid around like that with me,

You need money, go find work.

You promise to keep your eyes closed, Daddy.

You put it on right... Give me your... Here, give me your hand.

You remind me of my own grandmother.

You see inside there's Mr. Silver.

You see, good fathers wanna be there as much as they can be.

You see, I'm not exactly a hometown boy.

You see, Mindy and I have signed up for a full lifetime term

You see, the real truth of the matter is that, well,

You seem to be in an unusually good mood.

You ski right past her headstone. You can't miss it.

You still owe me a book report.

You think it would tarnish my image if I wore Mommy's muff?

You think it's fun just going upstairs and coming back downstairs

You understand, except the food. Ugh.

You walk through an animal hospital,

You want me to come home? For sure?

You went to the sled hill and you didn't take me?

You were born here and so was I.

You were planning a surprise party for me. Okay, I'll play along.

You will marry Mork.

You, Exidor and me, we're all partners.

You, I know, I know, I know.

You'll be on Medicare, he'll be on pablum.

You'll never have to do jury duty, you'll never have a vaccination mark.

You'll spoil him with all these gifts.

You're an alien until he gets younger.

You're everything to me.

You're just the new kid in school and that's not easy.

You're Mearth McConnell, our son.

You're Mommy and I'm Shoe.

You're never gonna be sad or cry again.

You're not old enough for school yet.

You're right there.

You're right, Mind.

You're right, Mind. Yeah.

You're still my hero, but don't wear the muff, okay?

You're welcome to observe

You've been around for a while. What do you usually do?

You've broken one of our most fundamental Orkan laws.

You've gotta find something positive about this whole experience.

Young man, we do not leave the room without getting a hall pass.

Your baby is half Orkan.

Your father is loving and special and unique.

Your heart is in the right place, but sometimes your head is in...

Your little boy's going to be just fine.

Your mother and I are getting divorced.

Zelka, when you have something new to show, raise your hand.

ZELKA: Wow, what is that? OVITS: Oh, could I see that?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] All right. I don't wanna play geography anymore.

About what? Sagittarian women.

All right. Please.

Am I all here? Well, yes, except you're bald.

And even if I was, I wouldn't want to see you or these people hurt.

and half an Earthling. Wait a minute.

and I saw a Western. MORK: Hmm.

and just tell us what happened? I hate it.

and then he tried to get on toboggan... Wait a minute.

And who am I? Mommy

Another bruise? No, the same one.

Are you serious? I know it's a shock. It was for me too.

Are you sure? I know my own son, Mind.

C? Oh, C.

Carry it out or else. Oh, yeah?

Charlie, how are you? All right, how about a beer?

Come here, little pooter. Thanks.

Come on, Mind, let's go. No, no, no.

Come on. Okay.

Dad. Dad. Don't worry about a thing.

Did you get that? You bet.

Do something. You're right, son.

Do you know what that means? I'm afraid I do.

Donations are greatly appreciated. Dad, Dad, I plead with you.

Fatso? I called that guy...

Good night, hon. Good night.

Gran pop, let me ask you something. FRED: Mm hm.

He'll commute. How?

Hello. Mearth.

Hi, Mearth. MORK: Hello, son, hello.

Him? He's alive? Yep.

Hold on now, what's this? It's just what it is.

Honey, come on. Hi, Dad.

How about we go shopping? Okay, that sounds like fun.

how brave Daddy was. I heard.

How you gonna know where to look? Be brave, little "pooter."

I don't have any pockets. Ah. Good.

I don't mean to pry, but what's C? Hmm?

I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.

I just wanted to cuddle. Aw.

I missed you. I missed you too... Oh!

I said, I wanted to go to school. Go up now.

I told you, empty the pockets. Hey. Stop that. I'm warning you.

Is that all? Not quite.

is the planet Ork. MORK: Yes, you see.

It'll break his little heart. Mm hm. You tell him.

It's a blessing. It's barbaric.

It's a breath mint. Oh, stop

It's because you're an alien. And?

It's fulfilling. It's a candy mint.

It's just orange, eat it. Orange. It's sweet. I'm hypoglycemic.

Jake? Hmm?

Keep your palms up. Okay.

Let go! Ow!

Let me untie you. No, no, no, that's all right.

Let's see, right here. Yes, that's right, India.

Like that? A little higher in the palms.

Look at the jewels, they're sparkling. Uh huh.

Marry? Yes, sir, I think...

Maybe now is the time to tell him. You're right, Mind.

Mearth? I'm no fink.

Mearth? Yes?

Mearth's run away. Let's be calm now.

Mind, I bet he can't do the carioca. The what?

Mind, I can't talk. You can't leave him here like this.

Mind! Mind, he's not there. What? What?

Mindy, l..

Mindy... Oh, I gotta get my mind off this.

Mm hm. Mm hm.

Mm. Mm. Ah. Ah.

Mommy. Mm hm.

Mommy. Mommy.

Mork, he called me "Shoe." Funny, you don't look Shoeish.

Mork. Ma'am.

Mork. Mind?

Mork. Sir?

Mork... Mind, Mind, Mind.

Night, Mearth. Night, Shoe.

Night, Mork. Night, Mind.

No way, like glue, I'm stuck on you. Oh, come on. Deep down inside,

No, no. Stop it. Stop it. No. Mork, you're scaring him.

No. No.

No. Shh. Come on, it's time to go now.

Now? ORSON: Yes, now.

Oh, a little preschool Abscam. MINDY: Ha, ha.

Oh, football. He's gonna love that. No, Mork, it's baseball.

Oh, he caught the ball! Oh! Ah!

Oh, honey, honey, honey. Mork.

Oh, I love this so. Oh, my.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, don't touch me there either.

Oh, l... Or we'll do anything.

Oh, Mearth... Take it out real slow, son, real slow.

Oh, Mork. Mind?

Oh, my God. Give me your foot. Here we go.

Oh, my gosh. Look, a giant lollipop.

Oh, never mind. I'm going home. Mindy, listen. This is America.

Oh, no, Mork. Mind.

Oh, no, no, no. I can handle it. I can handle it.

Oh, they're just... ORSON: Enough small talk.

Oh, well, goodbye. GEEZBA: Goodbye.

Oh, yeah? So how's the new bride doing?

Oh. I've narrowed it down to two things:

Oh. It's wonderful

Oh... Ow! No, no.

Okay. Okay?

Okay. And Mommy has one job. Correct.

One of you tell him. [IN NORMAL VOICE] All right.

Ow! Nobody, nobody, hurts my family.

Pass it over. Careful, Mearth.

Rich? Rich? It's making money?

Right. All right. Good night.

Right. Who? Somebody's coming. Shh.

she won't pick on you. Can I be sure of this, Ovits?

Shoe. Shoe?

Son? Yes?

Stand up straight, Mork. Ma'am.

Superman has two jobs, right? That's correct.

Sweetheart. No!

Thank you for letting us observe. You're welcome.

Thank you for letting us observe. You're welcome.

Thanks. Mind,

That concerto you wrote for Mommy? Surely.

That's it, our money is gone. No, no, come on, now,

That's okay, Ovits. Isn't that nice, Mearth?

That's right. Okay.

That's right. Yes, but who am I?

The place has gone through the roof. Why?

Then you've got it. Wait a minute.

There's been a death in the family. What?

They always give me something like this.

They're glittering. Mm hm.

They're moving. Yeah.

This is a frog. A frog?

This one marked Last Ditch Effort? MORK: That's it.

Titter, titter, blush, blush, blush. Oh, Mork.

To the park? No, we're going to the airport

Uh, no, not yet. No, but every religious holiday,

We're gonna have to call the police. Oh, no way, Mind.

Well, it is unusual. Right.

Well, Mearth? Benjamin Franklin.

Well... Come, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Well... OVITS: This is small.

What are you talking about? He asked her to work the night shift.

What did she say? Put the roast in the oven.

What does it do? OVITS: Excuse me.

What is it? Tush.

What is it? What is it?

What? In the tradition of J. Pierpont Morgan,

What? Me!

What'd you say? Daddy.

What's going on here? Anybody order a Zen pizza?

What's wrong with Mindy? I don't know, Grams.

Whew. Ooh. Ha, ha.

Who are you? Mearth.

Who is it? FRED: It's me, honey.

Who's he? Mind?

Who's this? Mm...

Will you marry me? What?

Wrong again, Charlie. Heh heh heh.

Yeah, but he can't fly. Just because I can't fly

Yeah, I am. MEARTH: Oh.

Yes and no. What do you mean?

Yes? Will you play that...?

Yes. Can I go on the scavenger hunt?

Yes. Okay, can I keep the robe?

You can fly just like we can. Yeah, Mind. Lots of women can fly.

You did real good. Wanna try again? No.

You just don't love me anymore. MINDY: No, Mearth.

You really mean it, son? Of course I do.

You're a good father. Oh, bless you, Mind.

You're not kidding me? Here's my hand. Ovits's hand.

You're really not our child. What? Mork!

You've gotta tell him. Oh, it's gonna be so hard.

"Let the games begin"?

"Mellow out, mellow out." I wanna go to school.

"Pooter," little "pooter." Oh.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[AS BUCKLEY] Let me see the quality,

[AS JOHN WAYNE] Wait a minute, pilgrims.

[BABBLES]

[BEAM BEEPS]

[BEE BUZZING IN MOUTH]

[BELL RINGS]

[BOTH GASP]

[BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CHEERING]

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING AND MORK GRUNTING]

[FABRIC RIPS]

[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

[HUMMING]

[HUMMING]

[HUMMING]

[HUMS]

[HUMS]

[IN CREAKY VOICE] I don't wanna go now.

[IN INDIAN ACCENT] Baba Love sends his love

[IN INDIAN ACCENT] If we can't eat them,

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on now, son, look. Look at the good side.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] He sure does, Mind.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Me too. It's unanimous.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] No. I have John Wayne in my throat

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Of course he is, Mind. He's half a superior being.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, no, Mindy, no.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, that's all right.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Seriously, where are you from?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] The reason is, son, me.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] You know it.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] You know it's true, baby

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] And me with these little, stupid balls on my head.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] I vote for the shiksa queen.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] No!

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] Señor Goodnews.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] Si? [IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes, si, observe.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] Why should I? He's your child. Take responsibility.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] You got it, sweet shorts.

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] You got it, sweet shorts.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[MEARTH BABBLES]

[MEARTH BABBLES]

[MEARTH BABBLES]

[MEARTH BABBLING]

[MEARTH BABBLING]

[MEARTH BABBLING]

[MEARTH BABBLING]

[MEARTH CHUCKLES]

[MEARTH CONTINUES MIMICKING PLANE BUZZING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH CRYING]

[MEARTH GIGGLES]

[MEARTH GROANING]

[MEARTH GROANING]

[MEARTH GRUNTS THEN OVITS LAUGHING]

[MEARTH HUMMING]

[MEARTH SOBBING]

[MEN SPEAK INDISTINCTLY]

[MEOWS]

[MIMICKING PLANE BUZZING]

[MIMICKING SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[MIMICKING SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[MIMICS EXPLOSION]

[MIMICS THUD]

[MINDY CHEERS]

[MINDY CHUCKLES]

[MINDY GASPS]

[MINDY GASPS]

[MINDY GASPS]

[MINDY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[MORK CHUCKLES]

[MORK GASPS THEN CHUCKLES]

[MORK GRUNTS]

[MORK GRUNTS]

[MORK HUMMING "SUPERMAN" THEME]

[MORK HUMMING]

[MORK HUMMING]

[MORK MUMBLING]

[MORK SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

[MORK SHOUTING]

[MORK SNORES]

[MORK SNORES]

[MORK SPEAKING IN BABY TALK]

[MORK SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

[MORK SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

[MORK SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[MUTTERING]

[MUTTERING]

[OVITS LAUGHING]

[PANTING]

[PHONE RINGS]

[RIBBITTING]

[SCREAMS]

[SHOUTING]

[SINGING IN HIGH VOICE]

[SINGING IN ORKAN]

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

[SINGING SPOOKY TUNE]

[SINGING] Got my top hat Got my vest pressed

[SINGING] Hare Krishna, Hare Lama Hare Krishna

[SINGING] Life's really worth living When you are mirth givin'

[SINGING] Nee nee nee

[SINGING] Please, oh, please, oh, please

[SINGING] Tell me now

[SINGING] Winter's coming

[SINGING] Yes, I'm in love

[SINGING] You see this guy

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH THEN CHUCKLES]

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[SQUEAKING]

[SQUEAKING]

[SQUEAKING]

[SQUEAKING]

[THUD]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[TRILLS]

[VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING]

[VACUUM POWERS DOWN]