A batch of toxic waste...
A Batman.
A chance to find out who they are...
A child...
A half pint. I'm talking gallons.
A kiss under the mistletoe.
A little "Pied Penguin" action.
A lot like the "lonely secretary" syndrome, I guess.
A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference.
A million saved is a million earned.
A penguin is a bird that cannot fly!
A plan is forming.
A platform?
A recognition of my basic humanity.
A reminder.
A secretary.
A ticking time bomb of a costumed freak...
A touch of the bubbly?
A very big ball of string.
Actually, I feel worse.
Actually, it's a lot like that.
Actually, this is all just a bad dream.
Actually...
Admiring your handiwork?
Adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know.
Afraid not.
Alfred...
All good girls go to heaven.
All right, I'll be mayor.
Although...
Always confusing your pistols with your privates.
Always waiting for some Batman to save you.
And a very good one.
And Bruce Wayne...
And don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic.
And like me, a terrible fate waits for them.
And the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school...
And then...
And women.
And you get to watch them sink...
And you're the hottest young person...
And, instead of generating power, it'll be sucking power from...
And, like you, I want some respect!
And...
Another penguin sighting! Check it out!
Any girlfriend?
Anywhere he wants.
Appetite for destruction?
Are you all right?
Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?
Aren't you tired of this sanctimonious robber baron...
As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted.
Back from more sexual escapades you refuse to share?
Ban the Bat.
Bastard!
Batman napalmed my arm.
Batman pushed the Princess!
Batman.
Be careful. Don't move.
Be gentle, it's my first time.
Because he is Batman, you moron!
Blue bloods tire easily.
Bottom line?
Boy, the news these days.
Bruce, yes...
Bruce...
Burn, baby, burn!
But a kiss...
But first...
But I forgive them.
But I hope and pray...
But I want you to know your elected officials...
But I'm disappointed you're not coming home for Christmas.
But I've got seven lives left.
But if we're to break ground when we must, I'll need permits...
But in the meantime...
But it's human nature to fear...
But last night...
But let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile.
But most of all...
But somehow...
But someone's got to supplant our standing in the way of progress, Mayor.
But what it all comes down to is: Who's holding the umbrella?
But...
By the way...
Can you confirm reports of Batman's suspected involvement in the abduction?
Can you go 15 rounds with Muhammad Shreck?
Can't you picture?
Cheese.
Come in.
Come on downstairs, Oswald. I have a surprise.
Come on.
Come what may...
Come with me.
Coming. Are you in pain, sir?
Contempt for the czars of fashion?
Corn dog, corn dog.
Could you just make up a sonnet or... a dirty limerick?
Couldn't you just die?
Crank the A.C.!
Dad, go!
Dad, go! Save yourself!
Dad.
Damn.
Darn!
Did somebody say fish?
Did you hurt yourself... on that ski slope?
Did you miss me?
Did you miss me?
Do you mean you...
Does it matter who's mayor?
Does this mean we have to start fighting?
Don't adjust your sets.
Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him... or us.
Don't embarrass yourself, Max!
Don't hurt us. Our take home's less than $300.
Don't peek.
Don't tell me killing Max won't solve anything, because it will.
Don't worry.
Don't.
Down, Oswald.
Drink your dinner.
Eat floor.
Elections happen in November. It's late December.
Estimated casualties after launch:
Everybody, back to work!
Executive Assistant.
Feeling good?
Fifteen seconds to ignition.
Find out for only 50 cents! Come on!
First , second , third And fourth born!
Five.
Five.
Five. You and me.
For a second, you really frightened me.
For Chip.
For your first born sons!
Forward...
Four.
Frame him?
Frankly, I feel that's a bum rap. I'm a businessman.
Frankly...
Fred?
Fred's actually...
From those of us at City Hall to each and every one of you...
Gentlemen, start your screaming.
Give the Constitution a rest. It's Christmas.
Go ahead and hit me.
Go ahead. Intimidate me. Bully me, if it makes you feel big.
Go to heaven.
Good bye, my unintended.
Good idea.
Good time. Everyone but the bandits'll be slacking off till after the New Year.
Good to have a family.
Good.
Goodwill toward men.
Got to go. Girl talk.
Got to hurry.
Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that.
Gotham Lady perfume. Exclusively at Shreck's department store.
Gravely assessing the devastation.
Great idea.
Great speech, Oswald.
Handsome, dazed...
Have we?
He controls the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it yet, but we both...
He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!
He knocked me off a building just when I started to feel good about myself.
He probably saved millions in property damage alone.
He relied on a man.
He'd have even more power as a martyr.
He's a personal friend of the whole city, so have a heart.
He's dead now.
Hell, the sexes are equal...
Hello, Selina Kyle.
Hello...
Helpless old lady at 12:00 high!
Here he is, standing alongside Gotham's leading citizen, Max Shreck.
Here.
Here.
Hey, stud...
High fiber.
His parents.
Hiya, Max. Remember me? I'm Fred's hand!
Hold on. Just sit for a second and relax. I'll be right back.
Hold your fire!
Honey, I'm home!
Honey, I'm home!
How about a statement? People want to know.
How about coming for dinner at five?
How about that?
How can anyone be so pathetic?
How can this be accomplished?
How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?
How could you? I'm a woman!
How did you open the protected files?
How do these hacks sleep at night?
How industrious!
How've you been?
Hurry up and get those kids loaded.
I admire that in a man with a mask.
I am a man!
I am an animal. Cold blooded!
I am Catwoman...
I am not a human being!
I am the light of this city...
I believe he's on an extended vacation. He's good.
I believe the word you're looking for is...
I can't do that.
I can't. I have to be somewhere tonight.
I can't. There's been a kidnapping. Here's what I want you to do.
I challenge the mayor...
I come from...
I commissioned this report. Take a look at it.
I could free up some time.
I didn't realize I made one.
I didn't say that.
I don't care what the cynics may say. This is the Christmas season...
I don't just light trees. I'm an actress as well.
I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel...
I don't know anymore, Bruce.
I don't know what you want, but I can get it with a minimum of fuss.
I don't know whether to open fire or fall in love.
I don't like surprises.
I don't see how, but...
I don't think I like you anymore!
I don't think so.
I don't. So, no!
I feel almost vulgar at Yuletide...
I figured your password was "Geraldo," your Chihuahua, and it was.
I forgot my speech.
I gave at the office.
I guess we'll find out.
I have a name!
I have an entirely other purpose.
I have but one pet cause today:
I have enough signatures from Shreck employees to warrant a recall.
I have my own things to tend to.
I haven't been fed all day.
I heard on TV that Catwoman weighs 140 pounds.
I hope he finds them.
I just couldn't live with myself. Don't pretend this is a happy ending.
I know all about you.
I know that to many of you...
I know...
I like it. But to get the mayor recalled, we must have a catalyst.
I love a big, strong man who's not afraid to show it with someone half his size.
I may have saved the mayor's baby...
I only wish I could hand out more than just...
I picked a cute one.
I pulled all the files on the proposed power plant...
I push the button, then the tree lights up.
I saw her first. Got to fly.
I say that not only as an official...
I should've let him win that last racquetball game.
I stand before you again to denounce the urban chaos we live with in our city.
I suppose you feel better now.
I think he knows who his parents are.
I think I know!
I think, perhaps...
I told her everything.
I tried to save you...
I want in.
I want to discuss why you insist on languishing in Gotham City...
I want to play an integral part in his degradation.
I want you to meet Jen and Josh, my image consultants.
I was their "Number One" son...
I wasn't born in the sewer, you know.
I wish I could hand out world peace...
I wish I could say the same, but I came for Max.
I wouldn't be caught dead there.
I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
I'd like to fill her void.
I'd offer you coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time.
I'd rather not be disturbed now.
I'll be going alone. Dr. Shaw says I need to be my own person, not an appendage.
I'll come back later.
I'll fight you. I've already spoken to the mayor and we agree.
I'll let the little prince live, for now.
I'll murder you momentarily.
I'll not stand for mud slinging here.
I'll relay the message.
I'll save one for next Christmas.
I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!
I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham.
I'll tell the police I was kidnapped by an ugly birdman with fish breath.
I'll warm you.
I'm afraid we haven't properly housebroken Ms. Kyle.
I'm bushed, so here you come into the bedroom...
I'm homing in on the signal's origin.
I'm Jen.
I'm just a poor schmo. Got lucky.
I'm just an assistant.
I'm just boning up for your Bruce Wayne meeting in the morning.
I'm leaving.
I'm no cat.
I'm not good at speeches, so I'll just say, "Thanks."
I'm not sure I like the inference.
I'm pushing this power plant now because it'll cost more later.
I'm ready, Max.
I'm sorry about yesterday, but I had...
I'm sorry.
I'm sure he's wonderful company...
I'm the one you want.
I'm tired of wearing masks.
I'm working, I turn around and there she is. "Hi, Vick. Come on in."
I'm working.
I've been down here too long.
I've got scented and unscented.
I've got the coordinates.
I've got to go to the plaza.
I've personally come...
Ice skater or stewardess?
If his parents hadn't 86'ed him, you'd have been bunkies at prep school.
If it works, don't fix it.
If my assistant was here, she'd have already escorted you out...
If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
If there were such documents...
Imagine, as mayor, you have the ear of the media...
Imagine...
In fact, he makes me feel the way...
In the duck!
In the plus column, though...
Ingenious costume.
Is that supposed to hypnotize me?
Is that why you cut short your vacation? Came back?
Is the Penguin a personal friend?
Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you?
Isn't it Max, not Chip...
Isn't that what I said?
It could have come from anywhere.
It does to me.
It is time for tonight's lighting of the tree.
It makes women feel like women... and the men have no complaints either.
It was set up to look like I did it.
It's a blur.
It's chilly in here.
It's cold!
It's dark in the mayor's mansion.
It's going to be a hot time in the cold town tonight.
It's going to stop! Our community is coming apart...
It's got to stop.
It's nice to be here.
It's nice to see you in the real world, away from Shreck.
It's not even accurate. "Batman blows it"?
It's not like you can kill me!
It's not working.
It's okay to be scared!
It's okay. I had to go home and feed my cat.
It's Oswald Cobblepot.
It's Penguin!
It's supposed to be cold.
It's the hideous Penguin Man.
It's the so called normal guys who always let you down.
It's time for me to ascend...
It's time.
It's vichyssoise.
Jewels.
Just blanks.
Just like all the men in my life.
Just like I was.
Just that...
Just the pussy I've been looking for.
Killing sleeping children...
Ladies and gentlemen:
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Last night's violence won't happen again.
Lawn dart!
Let her know, not in some kind of dumb, "be my girlfriend" way...
Let me ask you something.
Let me guess.
Let me just get it on here.
Let's consummate our fiendish union.
Let's go outside.
Let's just take him to the police.
Let's make a deal!
Let's make...
Let's say six?
Let's see what we have in here.
Let's start.
Let's turn them around.
Life's a bitch, now so am I.
Listen to them. They've lost faith in old symbols.
Listen...
Lovely.
Lowly assistant.
Male and female!
Many of you won't be coming back.
May I ask?
May I have your attention, Gotham City?
May we RSVP in the resoundingly negative?
Maybe I'll just give myself a bath right here.
Maybe you can help me find...
Maybe you should retire.
Maybe you're a screwed up sorority chick getting back at her daddy...
Maybe. But you sure as hell don't have an issue or a candidate.
Mayor?
Mayor.
Mayors come and go.
Me and Max?
Me too.
Meantime...
Merry Christmas, Alfred!
Merry Christmas.
Miss Kitty.
Missing link between man and bird.
Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Money.
Mr. Cobblepot, you are the coolest role model a young person could have.
Mr. Mayor. Time to go down and bring joy to the masses.
Mr. Penguin...
Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that...
Mr. Wayne? Something wrong?
Must pay the rent. Maybe if you chipped in instead of stepping out.
Must you be the only lonely "man beast" in town?
My babies!
My babies.
My dear boy...
My dear penguins...
My God, it's true.
My name is not Oswald!
My nose could be gushing blood.
My question is:
Naked sexual charisma?
Namely, us.
Neither can I.
Nice and easy.
Nice birdie.
Nice kitty.
Nice kitty.
Nice suit.
No darker than yours.
No hard feelings then?
No such thing. One can never have too much power.
No, I'm sorry. I mistook me for somebody else.
No, it's a lot.
No, just give you a splitting headache.
No, Max.
No, she was a photojournalist.
No, that's not you.
No!
No.
No.
No. Had one, didn't work.
No. This and Max.
No. You don't seem like the type to take orders from him.
Nobody.
Not a lot of reflective surfaces in the sewer, huh?
Not Chip. If you have any human feeling, take me instead.
Not complete amnesia. I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church...
Not even in office yet and already an enemies list.
Not interested.
Not mine.
Not really.
Not that I'd ever pry.
Not you and Max?
Not you!
Nothing must prevent that.
Nothing surprises me...
Now I'm a little worried.
Now, now, pretty little thing.
Odd as it may seem, Max...
Of course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner.
Oh, but you can.
Oh, but you will.
Oh, come on.
Oh, him again. No bother. He's already history. Check it out.
Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.
Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you big baby!
Ointment?
Okay, let's see. What I'd like to do first is put these gloves on you.
Okay, you got a point.
Once we're both back home, perhaps we could help each other.
One has just sprung to mind.
One minute until ignition.
One way to find out.
One whiff of this and your boss will ask you to stay after work...
Or deeply resentful.
Or is it just "Batman"?
Oswald Cobblepot, the mystery man beast, made his bid to run Gotham.
Oswald Cobblepot!
Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy.
Oswald, there's somebody here to see you.
Oswald...
Other than my blood, what can I do?
Our prime concern is this ghastly grotesque.
Our research tells us that voters like fingers.
Outstanding!
Part man, part penguin! All horrifying!
Penguin army...
Penguin man living in Gotham's sewers! Read all about the latest sighting!
Penguin Man of the sewer.
Penguin sighting! Man or myth?
Penguin?
Penguins seem to be converging on Gotham Plaza.
Perchance, are you a registered voter? I'm a mayoral prospect.
Perhaps...
Pick up those contracts for Personnel and...
Please welcome Gotham's own Santa Claus, Max Shreck.
Please, may I have your attention?
Please.
Please.
Please...
Power plant?
Preferably some nightspot grotto...
Rats with wings, do your thing.
Read about it!
Read about the possible terror beneath our feet! Check it out!
Ready when you are, sir.
Really?
Reclaim my birthright, you mean?
Reclaim your birthright.
Relax.
Relax.
Remember, Max...
Remind me to take it out on what's her name.
Right now, my troops...
Right this way, kiddies.
Santa Claus?
Saved by Kitty Litter.
Say, "Cheese!"
Scare me? I was just scaring myself.
Secretary.
Security?
Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead.
Selina Kyle.
Selina, about that Christmas getaway we planned...
Selina, dear, it's your mother. Just calling to say hello.
Selina, this is your mother. Call me.
Selina, this is your mother. Why haven't you called me back?
Selina?
Selina...
Seven.
She had trouble reconciling them because I had trouble...
She let me go. I think 'cause I reasoned with her, girl to girl.
She looked pretty scared to me.
She tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out of a higher window.
Shit!
Shit!
Shreck and Cobblepot...
Shreck!
Shrewd, okay. But that does not make me a monster.
Shut up!
Shut up. You're going to jail.
Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.
Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted!
Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class?
Six.
So he survived. Why worry?
So if we were to just lose this...
So what are we waiting for?
So where are all the children?
Some appendage!
Something has jammed the signal.
Something is wrong.
Soon an incident like the Gulf of Tonkin, or the Reichstag fire...
Sorry, any plans must go to the usual committees...
Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
Sorry, Max. A die for a die.
Sorry.
Sounds familiar.
Split...
Still alive!
Still, it could be worse.
Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world an icebox.
Stop the car.
Studies show we've enough power to get us into the middle of the next century.
Subtle.
Sue me...
Sure.
Take off our costumes?
Take one step closer, Mr. Manbat, and I'll...
Take the baby. Just don't hurt me, please!
Talent scout.
Tell her that a big business deal came up... You know what?
Tell Selina, Ms. Kyle, I had to go out of town.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks for saving the day, Batman. The Circus Gang is back.
Thanks to Batman...
Thanks, Alfred.
Thanks.
That's funny.
That's my name, don't wear it out or I'll make you buy me a new one.
That's not a threat, just simple numbers.
The Batman.
The direct approach.
The evidence is purely circumstantial.
The fly in our ointment.
The Globe! Right here! 25 cents!
The glory that I yearn to recapture...
The heat's getting to me.
The liberation of Gotham...
The Love Connection perhaps?
The mysterious Penguin saving the life of the mayor's baby...
The ones you left defenseless at home...
The party never stops on Selina Kyle's answering machine.
The penguins are moving above ground.
The penguins have reached Gotham Square.
The thorn in both our sides.
The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all...
The tree lighting ceremony.
The tree lights up and then I push the button.
The truth frightened her?
Then think of you...
Then we can go home...
Then...
There are two truths...
There he is!
There he is!
There is also something coming this way.
There you are.
There's a big, comfy California King over in Bedding.
There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back!
There's security to consider.
There's something else.
These are the names of the first born sons of Gotham City.
They almost made off with our mover and shaker, Max Shreck.
They seem to be turning around.
They wouldn't put me on a pedestal...
They're ready to bond with you, the icon of the future.
Things change.
Things change.
Thirty seconds until ignition.
This is a special bulletin. The Ice Princess has been kidnapped.
This is all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side...
This is Bruce...
This is going to be good...
This is yourself reminding you to come all the way back to the office...
This may be a bad time to mention it, but my license has expired!
This mayor stuff is not about power, it's about reaching out to people...
This power plant...
This scene, direct from Gotham Plaza.
This was found, stained with blood, in the missing girl's dressing room.
This was the remarkable scene only minutes ago in Gotham Plaza.
This way, ma'am.
Those names are not for prying eyes.
Three lives down. Got enough to finish me off?
Tic tac toe.
To destroy Batman, we must first turn him into what he hates the most.
Tonight is that loathsome party hosted by the odious Mr. Shreck.
Tonight, while their parents party...
Too good?
Tough, yes.
Touring the riot scene.
Tragic irony...
True.
Trust fund goody goody?
Two lives left.
Um... I have a suggestion.
Usually, it's a waste of time.
Very large. Very fast.
Vicki thought...
Vicki?
Wait a minute.
Wait, don't tell me.
Wait, wait.
Want to greet any other body parts?
Was Vicki right about your...
Was.
We can't just take it to any old body shop.
We need to talk.
We want the big guy! The guy who runs the show!
We'll celebrate tonight at my annual ball.
We'll disassemble his Batmobile and turn it into an H bomb on wheels.
We'll do it another time.
We'll need signatures to overturn the ballot. I can supply those.
We'll see.
We're both perceived as monsters.
We're calling to tell you about exciting, new Gotham Lady perfume.
We're just calling to make sure you've tried Gotham Lady perfume.
We're the same.
We're the same.
We've met.
Wear a button.
Weird!
Welcome...
Well, here's hoping.
Well, that was...
Well, that's a...
Well...
Well...
Well...
What about the documents that prove you own half of the firetraps in Gotham City?
What about the freedom to rediscover your roots...
What are you waiting for? The signal!
What did curiosity do to the cat?
What do you mean by that?
What do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
What happened?
What is he? Today's edition. Another penguin sighting.
What is that thing? A camera or something?
What men?
What went wrong? Hang on!
What you hide, I discover.
What you put in your toilet...
What?
What?
What's your angle?
Whatever. Today's issue! "The Penguin: Man or myth?"
When it came time...
Where are my lists? Bring me the names!
Where is that insufferable son of a bitch?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave?
Who'd have thought Selina had a brain to damage?
Who'd you say this to?
Who's the man behind the bat?
Who's there?
Why are you determined to prove...
Why are you doing this?
Why be biased?
Why do this?
Why don't we...
Why don't you come over and we can watch it on TV?
Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?
Why should I trust some catbroad anyway?
Why they did what I guess they felt they had to do...
Why'd you come tonight?
Why're you still out?
With luck, Gotham will have its first merry Christmas in years.
With pleasure.
Women.
Working late?
Would I go through all this trouble just to kill you?
Would you tell him...
Wrong on both counts.
Yawn.
Yeah, but...
Yes, to you I seem pathetic, but I'm a working girl.
Yes!
You almost made a monster the mayor of Gotham City.
You ask me... how do I lure them in?
You ask... am I up here for personal glory?
You buy that blurry business?
You didn't invite me...
You don't really think you'll win, do you?
You don't seem like the type who does business with Shreck.
You drive a hard bargain, Maxie.
You got kind of a dark side, don't you?
You kept things from her.
You killed me, the Penguin killed me, Batman killed me.
You know what, Mr. Penguin, sir?
