Night at the Museum Edit

A bond trader?

A capuchin. Right. The capuchin. He urinated on me and bit my nose.

A cup of coffee?

A highly intelligent primate known for its loving and generous nature.

A man must look inward to find his own answers. How can I be of help?

Actually, I gotta be honest. I don't think I'm coming back.

Actually, I've got a bunch of questions.

Actually, it's more like a 900 page book.

Actually...

Add the stuff we planted in your place...

Ah, sorcer

Ah, yes.

Ahkmenrah, I'm gonna need your help.

All right, flashlight, keys. What am I for ?

All right, good! Take it, Nicky! Break away!

All right, Jedediah. Stop the train, please.

All right, kids. This way.

All right, look, this is gonna sound crazy, all right?

All right, that's enough.

All right, then. As you can see, it's pretty quiet in here these days.

All right, well....

All right! I need everybody to listen up!

All right! Now, let's do this, people!

All right? Come on, let's get you back to Mom's.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Again with the ripping. Listen, I understand.

All right. Good night.

All right. Report here at 5 tomorrow. We'll walk you through your duties.

All right. So the Hall of Reptiles is secure.

Am I clear?

Am I in trouble?

And also Let me tell you something. These keys?

And also, where did you ever even hear that word?

And animals!

And every night since.

And flowers. People like flowers.

And goodbye. We're clocking out for the last time.

And he's about to come to life, Nicholas, in...

And here we have our Easter lsland head.

And I think maybe that's because somebody ripped you a long time ago.

And I'm just spitballing here, but looks like that Roman dude got cocky...

And I'm supposed to do what?

And if anything is the tiniest...

And in that tomb right down there, the pharaoh himself.

And my name isn't dum dum, my name's Larry.

And our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy who spoke only by clicking.

And Sakagawea is in her case, alive every night...

And the cowboy knows Roman dude wants to take over his territory...

And the most important thing of all to remember: Don't let anything in or out.

And this is Sakagawea.

And this, of course, is the Hall of African Mammals.

And those old night watchmen? They stole it.

And we hail from Brooklyn.

And weird, faceless puppet creatures. Come on, let's go! Let's do it!

And yet they wrote

And, finally, this is the temple of the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah.

Any explanation at all?

Are you cracking wise?

Are you rabid?

Are you really moving again?

Are you...?

Arrived here in 1952 from the Nile expedition.

At least that's what l...

At your service, Gigantor!

Attila was considered the only genuine threat to the Roman Empire.

Attila was famous for his superstitious beliefs.

Authorities have found what appear to be cave drawings in the subway.

Bad idea, Larry.

Bad monkey. Stop that.

Because if I have a problem with somebody, I don't pee on them, okay?

Because....

Bully!

But he wanted to swing by, see you in the new job.

But I really feel like my moment's coming and when it does...

But it's not the snow that's got New Yorkers talking.

But mark my words, it's the last time I shall ever do so. Is that clear?

But who was left alone?

But you...

Bye, now. All right.

Called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah. Every night

Can I call you Debbie? Because...

Can I make this turn up here?

Can I talk to you about this, please?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Can I touch its leg? " No!

Can you believe this weather?

Can you please give me one more night?

Can't do it, man. This is your moment.

Can't do it, son.

Can't get past me. There's a storm coming, buddy.

Care to elaborate on that?

Cecil!

Cecil?

Cecil?

Check this out. Anybody need a hanky?

Check!

Check! Larry! Larry.

Check.

Checking her out. I've never heard of such a thing.

Chilly, right? Chilly, chilly, Chilly Willy the penguin.

Cinch him up good. You ain't so big now, are you?

Civil War dudes.

Civil War guys, head over to the Planetarium Wing.

Climb aboard, boy.

Come on, Dad.

Come on, guys, let's go find that kid.

Come on, guys!

Come on, my kid is here. I need you to wake up.

Come on, Ockie!

Come on, Tex, let's finish this.

Come on, Tex.

Come on!

Come on! Follow me, boys!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Revolve. Revolve!

Come on. There's somebody who's gotta see this.

Control your young, please. Can we?

Cortes, right?

Dad, are you okay?

Dad, look.

Dad?

Dad? I thought you said you weren't fired.

Debatable.

Debbie?

Dewey? Is that your name, Dewey?

Dexter!

Dexter!

Dexter. Give

Did you give up on that as well?

Didn't they already make that?

Do it, man.

Do me a favor. Your fellows made some funeral pyre...

Do you have an issue with me? Do you have an issue with me?

Do you know what "museum" means?

Do you think you could ask them to back off, please?

Do you want the job or not, snack shack?

Do you?

Don't be a kiss ass, okay?

Don't encourage him. You think you're funny for your friends, huh?

Don't take that wrong. I'm saying you're miniatures.

Don't talk down to me.

Don't wanna burst your bubble. But, South, you guys get Allman Brothers...

Don't you know your history?

Don't. I know what you're thinking. Don't do it. Not a good idea.

Dr. McPhee, the museum director.

Dr. McPhee.

Duck!

Duck!

Easy. That's it, Dexter.

End of the line, cool breeze.

End of the line.

Every couple months, it's a new career, a new apartment.

Every journey begins with a footstep.

Every night, year after year...

Everybody likes magic.

Everyone knows you need the money.

Everything in this museum comes to life at night.

Exactly.

Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?

Excuse me, Mr. President. Could I ask you something?

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me. "Who assisted the Lewis and Clark "

Excuse me. President Roosevelt, this is my friend Rebecca.

Fellas, where are you?

Fetch?

Fire up the iron horse, boys.

Folks, this way.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....

For crying out loud.

For you, this is that very moment.

Four?

Game on!

Gave us an energy boost.

Gentlemen, we have a job candidate here.

Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job.

Geronimo!

Get back here, kid!

Get on, Texas! Get up.

Get out of the way!

Getting there, still waiting for the technology to catch up.

Give me the tablet, Cecil!

Give us the tablet, son.

Go crazy, big guy.

Go over there!

Goal!

Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?

Good luck, son.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good. How are you doing, Don?

Good. That's good. Just breathe.

Good. Yes.

Got it. So, what can I tell you about the museum?

Gotta keep it moving, Larry. I'm pretty spry for an old man.

Gotta keep it moving, Larry. I'm pretty spry for an old man.

Great to see you in one piece.

Great.

Great. Great, that's great. Yeah, thanks.

Gus, this is Larry Daley, the kid who wants to be the new night guard.

Gus, you're an old man. I don't wanna hurt you.

Gus?

Guys, come on!

Guys! Come on!

Guys! Come on!

Guys?

Hang on a sec. I think I might wanna have a little time just to think it over.

Happy monkey.

Have fun with your baby keys, little baby monkey.

Have you seen Nicky?

He absolutely loved history and believed that the more you know about the past...

He got fired this morning. Couldn't hack it.

He left the wagon...

He looks like a weirdie.

He says that he wants to rip you apart.

He surrounded himself with a phalanx of sorcerers and magicians...

He was our 4th president, right?

He went back?

He went east but he lost control and crashed.

He won't be disappointed.

He won't be disappointed.

He's got an excellent resume, a winning attitude...

He's the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History.

He's the one.

He's very emotional. A lot of memories in this room.

Heave.

Heave.

Heave. Heave.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Just kidding.

Hello.

Helped me a lot when I first started out.

Hence the 20 foot jackal staring at you. Don't make eye contact.

Here, boy.

Here's the remarkable video. These appear to be Tyrannosaurus Rex tracks...

Hey, boy. Wait, wait, hold the phone.

Hey, buddy. What are you guys doing here?

Hey, buddy. What's going on?

Hey, Cecil!

Hey, Cecil?

Hey, Cecil.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dex, so look. No hard feelings, all right?

Hey, Dexter, you wanna give me those keys?

Hey, do you think Nick would like Queens?

Hey, guys!

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Hey, guys!

Hey, hey, Moose. It's not gonna happen, buddy. All right?

Hey, hi.

Hey, how's it going with that virtual reality driving range that you wanted to open?

Hey, how's it going? Well, Nicky said it:

Hey, how's that gum treating you, dum dum?

Hey, I'm the....

Hey, it's getting late. Are you ready to go home?

Hey, it's me. So I got a job.

Hey, Larry.

Hey, little guy. Jed? Yeah.

Hey, Mike!

Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you to vacate the premises.

Hey, Nicky, look at me.

Hey, Nicky!

Hey, Niko, you wanna take a little look a doo inside?

Hey, Sakagawea, or wea. Listen, I need a favor. Somebody stole his tablet.

Hey, stop that.

Hey, T.R., come on, rise and shine. Buddy, I need you to wake up.

Hey, Teddy?

Hey, watch it.

Hey, what's going on over here?

Hey! Hey, Nicky! Where are you going?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Dexter, that's not funny. Give it back.

Hey. Hey there. Hi. What's your name? Your name is....

Hey. Hey, stop that.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi. How you doing? Sorry to bother you...

Hey. Listen, I don't think you should give up on your paper.

Hi. I'm Larry Daley. Are you Mr. Fredricks?

Hi. I'm the new guy and I'm just locking up, so....

His tablet is what brings you to life every night.

Ho! Dexter.

Hog tie him, boys.

How can we be of assistance, my liege?

How many of you guys have been over to the museum?

How you doing?

How?

How?

Huns.

Hunt's afoot.

I ain't quitting you!

I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king of the fourth king...

I am Cecil. Good to meet you, Larry. Nice firm handshake.

I am Larry.

I am Larry...

I am not playing games here.

I am!

I came to the museum this morning. I saw your boss yelling at you.

I can't feel my lip.

I can't help you.

I can't hold it!

I did. They're lying, trying to steal that thing.

I didn't build the Panama Canal, I wasn't president of the United States!

I didn't feel a connection.

I didn't...

I don't know about you, but I'm planning on a long retirement.

I don't know how much more Nicky can take.

I don't know if what happened last night was real, but I didn't sign up for this.

I don't know, maybe you should go talk to her.

I don't know. Just pay. Now, stop whining and just take it like a man.

I don't know. We'll see. I mean...

I don't like to be manhandled.

I don't really know how to put this, and please don't take it the wrong way...

I don't really wanna be a hockey player anymore.

I don't think so.

I don't think we're getting a tour today.

I don't wanna hear it, okay?

I don't. I just call you Larry.

I finish in 20 minutes. I'll meet you outside.

I get it. Ripping for you.... You want to rip things, okay?

I got him. I got him. I got him, guys. I got him

I gotta deal with this guy.

I gotta get you guys back to the museum.

I gotta run. You guys play nice, okay? Okay. Good. Thanks.

I guess it's gonna be the hard way.

I guess kids today don't care about wax figures or stuffed animals.

I just need a regular job that is not life threatening and pays my bills.

I just thought that was....

I just wanna show him what I do. That's all.

I just want to lock up.

I just was laughing in agreement.

I know I screwed up, but I finally understand how to do this job.

I know someone who can help. Come on.

I know that things have been kind of up and down for me lately...

I know.

I like that. Tells a lot about a man. Come on in.

I love that you wanna share that with him, but I gotta tell you...

I mean, it's gonna sound, like, really, really crazy.

I mean, this is a museum, not a....

I might have one thing.

I need a job tomorrow, okay?

I need a moment.

I need some help. Come on.

I never shot a wild beast.

I once went nine rounds with John L. Sullivan.

I ought to punch you in the nose, hopscotch.

I prefer hanging out with people who are dead for 200 years.

I read up on my history. Thanks for the tip.

I remember these little guys. Cute.

I still like it, but bond trading's my fallback.

I think she has a few questions she wants to ask you.

I thought we had a deal.

I told you I wasn't making fun of you.

I told you there was a storm coming.

I told you, I don't like to be manhandled.

I told you, you can't come through with those antlers.

I tried! I came back tonight, didn't l?

I wanted to learn a little bit more about what I'm guarding.

I was going to make contact. Lawrence, please.

I was made in a mannequin factory in Poughkeepsie.

I was on display in the Egyptology Department.

I was on my way to go clean it up.

I wasn't laughing. Pretending to laugh...

I....

I'd like you to meet my two colleagues here.

I'll give you a tickle because you're a cute baby.

I'll gonna catch a few Z's.

I'll let you get back to work.

I'll slip into my orthopedics and give you a little tour. Arthritic knees.

I'll take that as a yes. Hang on!

I'll take your keys and your flashlight.

I'm done, all right?

I'm glad you came around. Welcome back.

I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.

I'm good.

I'm having a little trouble hearing you, friend.

I'm Larry Daley. I've got a job interview with Cecil Fredricks.

I'm loving this!

I'm made of wax, Larry.

I'm never gonna know who she really was.

I'm new. It says I'm supposed to lock up the lions or they'll eat me.

I'm not a giant, guys. All right? You guys are really little.

I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman I love her.

I'm not kidding, Nicky.

I'm pretty sure he went with Erica. It was half day today.

I'm sorry to tell you this, son, but your dad doesn't work here.

I'm telling you, my dad's gonna hook us up.

I'm telling you, you tore it up out there today.

I'm the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History.

I'm tracking, dear boy.

I'm trying to figure things out right now, okay?

I've hit a dead end. I mean, research can only get me so far.

If I don't have one....

If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy. I'm gonna show you.

If I'm not clear, tell me.

If it wasn't for Nicky, I wouldn't say anything, I would stay out of it.

If it's cool with you I'm just gonna get my paperwork...

If you don't do what I say, you can end up like the Mayan world there.

If you're ever in Boca, look us up.

In here.

In the Neanderthal display.

Instructions.

It actually brings things to life. It's like some ancient spell.

It ain't gonna happen. Moving on.

It can get a little spooky around here at night...

It doesn't mean, "Daddy, it's a big Tyrannosaurus thing.

It is indeed, Larry.

It says here you were the CEO...

It was incredible what she did.

It was nice of Larry not to rat us out, but this is ridiculous.

It's a job...

It's gonna be tough to talk my way out of this one.

It's hard to explain. I mean, you wouldn't bel

It's just, it's too much instability. It's not good for him.

It's kind of how we pass the time.

It's not easy, there are a lot of moving parts.

It's not funny. Okay? And I will not stand for this type of blatant....

It's Octavius, mary.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's so awesome that you're working here.

It's the live ones that throw me.

It's what's in the snow. There are dinosaur tracks along West 81st Street.

Jed and Octavius, their van's parked out back. Go take care of it.

Jed, Octavius.

Jedediah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

Just give me a second, guys.

Just hand them over.

Just in time, Larry. We were just locking up.

Just living the dream, baby!

Just stop, okay?

Just wanted to say good luck, son.

Kids, could you give me one sec? Go check her out. She's really cool.

Larry, do them in order, do them all and do them quick.

Larry, meet me up on the second floor.

Larry, Nick, guardians of Brooklyn...

Larry, relax. I'm wax.

Larry, that's great. What is it?

Larry, this is good news.

Larry, this is good news.

Larry, what are you doing?

Larry?

Larry?

Larry?

Larry?

Larry?

Larry?

Larry.

Larry. Yes, how can I help you?

Last chance, Cecil. Stop the horses or I will!

Leave him alone, Gus. You got it covered, right, Larry?

Leave me alone. Hey, why don't I go tell the little corncob you're here.

Let it out. Let it go.

Let me tell you something: That's when history comes alive.

Let me tell you something. I'm not buying it.

Let's get our tablet.

Let's grab everything we can fence.

Let's ride.

Let's ride.

Let's talk turkey here.

Like an automaton robot?

Listen, "Octavus"? You gotta stop that.

Listen, hang out in the security office till everyone's gone.

Listen. Their left defenseman is a very weak skater.

Locked up. Take a look.

Look at me, man. I wanna tell you something.

Look, I'm trusting you guys, all right?

Look, the giant's scared. There's a bigger giant running around.

Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do.

Look, without that tablet, all of this...

Look.

Lookit You!

Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexie.

Loving the teamwork!

Make fun of the history geek.

Man.

Man's got to track. Welcome to the family, Lawrence.

May I have the keys, dear friend?

Maybe when you have a break, could I buy you a cup of coffee?

Maybe your dad will give you a VlP tour.

Me no dum dum. You dum dum. You bring me gum gum?

Miss Hutman. I cannot tolerate this type of chaos.

Mom was talking to Don about all your different schemes.

Monday! Monday! Monday!

Monkey.

Monkeys. I love monkeys.

Monster Truck Rally.

Morning, dum dum.

Most important position in the museum, Larry.

Moving on.

Moving on.

Moving on.

Moving on.

Mr. Daley, I can honestly say, in 43 years at this agency...

Mr. Fredricks was my father.

Mr. McPhee?

My dum dum want to speak.

My explorer friend whose name escapes me.

My name is Nick Daley. My Career Day parent is my dad.

My name's Larry, first of all. Okay, Jed?

Neanderthals atop the museum roof. Elaborate hoax or publicity stunt?

Neat.

Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.

Nick?

Nick? Run. Now.

Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.

Nicky!

Nicky?

Night guard?

Night.

No one comes here anymore. Besides, I took this tour in second grade, Daley.

No way.

No wonder you can't understand me. You got a coin in your ear.

No, I just hit a few roadblocks. You might have heard of The Clapper?

No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah. Now, listen, guys.

No, I'm divorced and I have a 1 0 year old son...

No, I'm not making fun of you. Rebecca.

No, Lawrence. Good day.

No, Nicky, I'm telling you, there's this tablet, okay?

No, no, no. Come back. Come back.

No, no, no. I'm just I mean because, you know, she's very beautiful.

No, no, no. What's ? Dewey? Dexter? Dexter. Dexter, right?

No, no, that's the Clapper, which, obviously...

No, no. Don't. That defeats the Don't!

No, no. You blow a hole in your mountain, all you're gonna hit is a wall.

No, Rexy! No!

No, the lady at the agency said this was a museum position.

No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath.

No, you're not, Lawrence. Stop wallowing in self pity.

No, your name dum dum.

No! It's okay! It's okay. You guys speak English?

No?

No.

No. Got nothing.

No. I find it about as funny as a "fancist."

Nope.

North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry.

Not Dexter, I need those.

Not at all. Self reliance is the key to a vigorous life.

Not fun getting old, my friend. Go on.

Not the limbs. Guys, please, do not tear the limbs.

Nothing funny about Little Bighorn.

Nothing's impossible. If it can be dreamed, it can be done.

Now full speed ahead and ram him!

Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson do the talking!

Now you know my shame.

Now, boys, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

Now, I don't wanna let that happen, but I need your help.

Now, it's almost dawn. I shall help you restore order tonight.

Now, listen, lunch box. Don't try anything funny.

Now, this here's King Ahkmenrah.

Now, we need to find those guards and get the tablet back...

Now, who they gonna get to clean up all that doo doo?

Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight. This here giant's on our land.

Oh, and by the way...

Oh, and no limb ripping, okay?

Oh, come on.

Oh, don't do that. We're too old for surprises.

Oh, Erica had to be in court early, so I'm taking Mr. Big Stuff here to school.

Oh, hey, Dexter. I'm just locking up. You want in?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, Larry. You didn't get evicted again, did you?

Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Thank you very, very much.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm afraid not, Larry. Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

Oh, okay, I guess he forgot.

Oh, Sakagawea. You're Sakagawea?

Oh, shit.

Oh, thank you. Can I have those keys? Oh, good. What a good boy.

Oh, this is not happening.

Oh, well, take a walk with me and I'll show you, Mr. "What's up? "

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet. I would...

Oh, you in trouble, dum dum.

Okay, 5. I'll be here.

Okay, Attila the Hun. What is that guy's problem?

Okay, come on.

Okay, don't bother. You're fired.

Okay, first of all, enough with the Gigantor giant stuff, okay?

Okay, I got them!

Okay, kids. Who can tell me what this room's called?

Okay, very funny, Cecil!

Okay, why? Is it just some, like, three wishes kind of deal, or ?

Okay, you know what? Fine. Great. Here you go. This is what happens.

Okay, you know what? I have no gum gum. Sorry.

Okay? Thank you.

Okay. Did not see that coming.

Okay. I'm guessing

Okay. I'm Larry Daley, the new night guard.

Okay. Why?

Okay....

On that night, everything in this museum came to life.

On the left there is your Attila the Hun.

Onboard.

One of the most famous trackers in history, Sakagawea was the woman...

One terracotta soldier.

Out?

Over here.

Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun.

Parent Career Day.

Personally, I don't really see what the big difference is, I mean:

Pile driver!

Play fetch?

Please don't touch the exhibits! I mean....

Pleasure to me you, Lawrence Daley. You'll have to excuse me, though.

Poppycock. This little creature is your primate brother.

Pull over!

Pull the stagecoach over now!

Quest for fire...

Quiet!

Read some books. Brush up on your history.

Read the instructions. It explains everything.

Really? I thought you liked surprises. Like how you surprised me...

Really? You mean a word like...

Rebecca!

Reginald?

Reginald? Gus?

Rexy?

Riffraff.

Right here we have the king of the jungle, the lion.

Right, men, we're almost there.

Right, so that's Lewis and Clark and you're.... Right.

Right. I don't know what that means...

Romans work alone.

Sakagawea, a little hot wax, and I'm a new man.

Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box.

Save yourself!

Say hello to Rexy!

Say hello to your little friend.

See you later, dum dum.

See you tomorrow night.

Seems like a fun guy.

Seriously, stop the train.

Seriously, though, no fooling around in here. This stuff is really old.

Shame on me. Fool me Shame on me.

She called them schemes?

She literally led these men across rivers, up mountains...

She said it was time you found a fallback.

Silence! The Roman Empire knows no boundaries.

Since the '50s, every night everything's been coming to life.

Sleep tight, hotshot.

Smart fellow like you? You'll be fine.

So everything in the museum comes to life every night?

So I call you Jed. I don't call you Tiny, right?

So I think it's time that I move on to another subject.

So I was thinking maybe I'll give it one more night.

So if you really wanna get inside her head...

So no big plans tonight?

So thank you very much and I left my uniform in the office...

So they're downsizing, which is code for firing...

So when we found out they were gonna fired us...

So who's with me?

So would you kindly do me the favor of explaining this?

So you and your caribou buddy gotta go around to the loading dock.

So you go left side, you got a clear shot at the goal. Okay?

So you wanna dress up in a monkey suit and tie every day?

So, what's your story? Have you always wanted to be a security guard?

Some men are born great, Lawrence

Some men are born great. Others have greatness thrust upon them.

Somebody ripped little...

Someone call my name?

Sorcery.

Sorry, look. I just I'm not a giant. I'm just an average sized

Sorry.

Sorry. What's going on? What happened here?

Start mopping, hot dog.

Step aside, Gigantor. We got us a railroad to build. We're blowing a hole in that thing.

Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?

Sundown to sunrise, we felt young again.

Sundown!

Sure. Well, that was the umbrella corporation for my invention, the Snapper.

Take away the fact you were born 2000 years apart...

Take care of that cut.

Take the hand, son.

Teach the inhabitants to get along, they wouldn't need to be locked up.

Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously. The monkey, Dexter? The cute little

Teddy Roosevelt, right?

Teddy, can you get us out of here?

Teddy, I need a horse.

Teddy, this guy's been pushing me, and I'm sick of it!

Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there, I need you, pal!

Tequila.

Texas? Texas! Come on! Texas! Come on! Get on, Texas!

Thank you very much. We'll take it from here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Lawrence?

Thank you. Nicky.

Thanks for joining us. There is a fresh blanket of snow.

Thanks, guys. Don't worry. I'll watch out for him!

Thanks.

That is museum property, son. Give it back.

That little sweetheart.

That means a lot coming from a guy who's spent the last 50 years...

That means no fireballs, no explosions, okay?

That mustachioed horseman ain't always gonna be there to protect you, you hear me?

That was much harder!

That was the custody agreement that we had.

That wasn't a compliment.

That's because she's a statue.

That's cool.

That's cool.

That's cool. Seriously though, you do have to leave.

That's great, but I'm dealing with the most ridiculous job in history.

That's it. Come on.

That's not right. Are you done?

That's not the point. Come on, you love hockey.

That's okay. Oh, thank you.

That's right. You better run, boy. You hear Jedediah?

That's the problem. Some of us are just ordinary.

That's what I'm talking about. Good job, gentlemen.

The almighty dollar, right? But money can sometimes...

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

The dinosaur The dinosaur is alive!

The dinosaur's alive!

The folks at the Natural History Museum have really outdone them

The glass. I can't...

The hunt is afoot.

The instruction manual.

The museum is losing money, hand over fist.

The museum is on the verge of total anarchy.

The Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

The tablet. I think somebody stole it.

The thing is, not everyone is great.

The year was 1909. I was going up the Zambezi River in Africa.

Then I'm gonna come get you. All right?

Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president...

There he is. How are you, Larry?

There was an incident last night with the fire extinguisher.

There we are.

There you go. Those are for you.

There's a storm coming.

There's no nameplate, so.... Columbus, take the Neanderthals...

There's the source of all this commotion.

These are money carriers. They were trained not to stop for anything but a secret word.

They can't be stopped, Larry.

They can't do what they wanna do. Now, I'm letting you guys...

They don't? Take a look at this.

They look sad.

They ripped something out, didn't they?

They ripped the love right out of you, didn't they?

They ripped the love.

They want to replace us with one new guard.

They've turned down everyone I've sent over there, but

They've vanished. How will we find them?

Thinking the NHL is a serious possibility.

This ain't over. You ain't seen the last of me.

This is not worth 1 1.50 an hour.

This is the Diorama Room.

This is weird.

This is weird.

This is your tablet. You know the instructions. You get everyone back.

This museum was originally dedicated to that man on the horse up there...

Those are baby keys for a little baby.

Those guns don't even work.

Tin Man. Hey. Hi. How you doing?

Told you.

Tomorrow I'll bring you a little baby diapy so you can go poo poo in it.

Tried? That was one night. I didn't build the Panama Canal in one day.

Trust me, you can't play hockey in a cubicle. Kind of awkward.

Trust me.

Turn the middle piece, you'll see what I was talking about.

Twenty four carat gold. It's worth a fortune.

Two zebras.

Until tomorrow evening, Lawrence?

Up ahead is one of my favorite creatures in the whole museum, the capuchin monkey.

Very cool.

Very cool.

Very good. The Hall of African Mammals.

Viking guys.

Wait a minute, Nicky. What are you guys doing?

Wait a minute. You're too young to have a fallback, okay?

Wait, you guys are going out of town? What if this doesn't work out?

Wanna meet her?

Was she deaf? No. She was not. But she

Watch out!

We can get this done, but we gotta do it together.

We got a breach.

We just had a little misunderstanding.

We lost a couple of good, little men out there tonight.

We love the nightlife, Larry.

We may be small, but our hearts are large...

We wanted to tell you. You never would have believed us.

We will never coexist with these buffoons.

We're gonna have a little talk, okay?

We're good here. We're good. All right. As you were, skaters.

We're night watchmen, not janitors!

We're not gonna hurt you. Give us the tablet.

We're not trying to hurt you, they think we are. Could you do it like now?

We're past words, Laredo.

We're sort of locking everything up.

Wea.

Well done. Everyone's in.

Well, he's got a pretty big office.

Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and stays with me on Wednesdays...

Well, I don't know.

Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!

Well, I just need it, okay?

Well, I mean, I don't know where to start, but....

Well, I wouldn't suggest this little feller because he has a nasty habit...

Well, I've done a lot of different things. I invented this thing called the Snapper.

Well, if that's indeed the case...

Well, they're all here.

Well, you know what?

What are you guys doing?

What are you looking at?

What are you made of?

What are you talking about?

What bone?

What did you do before you took this post?

What do I do? Tell me what to do!

What do you mean? Nicky said he was gonna tell you.

What I'm saying is, for the type of money that they pay A Rod...

What if you're wrong...

What is happening?

What is that?

What is this, like a David Copperfield thing?

What is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?

What would you like to know?

What, and just roam free?

What? No, it's like he's...

What? You've only just begun.

What's going on? What's ? Do you know what's going on here?

What's it look like we're doing? It's manifest destiny.

What's makeekaka mean? Wait. Translation, please.

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that? I can't hear you through the glass.

What's that? You got my keys?

Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist!

While you cry all night long about how Uncle Larry fooled you, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! No, sir. I ain't working with toga boy.

Why didn't anybody tell me it was Career Day?

Why didn't you tell me? Everything's fine.

Why would he go back?

Why?

Why?

Will you save the lectures, please? I'm not you. Okay?

Wipe that off.

With great victory comes great sacrifice.

Without him, there's no us.

Wonderful guard, terrible people skills.

Work it out, please.

Wow, you are quite the Sakagawean expert.

Wow, your fiance really manages to squeeze a lot onto that belt.

Yeah, because Just She does seem a little bit sort of unresponsive.

Yeah, but Nicky, I promise, I'll show you around soon, okay? Deal?

Yeah, I know. Others have greatness thrust upon them.

Yeah, I mean, just purely a, you know...

Yeah, it's cool. It's freaking awesome.

Yeah, it's what Don does. He took me to his office last week.

Yeah, keep shooting. Nothing's gonna happen.

Yeah, no problemo, Gigantor.

Yeah, no, definitely. So I'll see you tomorrow?

Yeah, no, I'm not really a big plan person.

Yeah, no. Don't do it, okay?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, so you can tell Nicky that we won't be moving.

Yeah, we call him Dexter. He's quite a little...

Yeah, well, this is not exactly what l

Yeah, well...

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Yeah?

Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know about that, Teddy.

Yeah. I mean I mean, I guess. I don't....

Yeah. I should be, I've been writing my dissertation on her for four years.

Yeah. Okay. Good, good.

Yeah. We'll just be a phone call away. Come on, walk us out.

Yeah. What are you doing?

Yeah. Yeah, I might, if you promise to behave.

Yeah. You got me.

Yell all you want, pharaoh.

Yes, I did, fathead. Lots and lots of gum gum.

Yes. Illusion.

Yes. Oh, good. Come to Papa.

You ain't getting rid of us that easy.

You ain't going nowhere.

You be the judge, but one thing's for sure:

You can't fight it and neither can l. Go! More dynamite.

You can't stop progress!

You can't...? You can't hear me?

You fellas go ahead.

You got fired.

You got me.

You got the whole room to run around in. You don't have to be near each other.

You gotta do something. Dawn's approaching.

You guys are brothers, for God's sakes. You gotta stop fighting.

You guys have heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words."

You guys shouldn't be here.

You have my word, my liege.

You have to deal with this creature with love and respect.

You hit me with that chestnut last night.

You impertinent pup. I knew you'd come back.

You just want what's best for your people, right?

You know how they say in certain museums, history comes alive?

You know that tablet? The Tablet of Ahkmenrah?

You know what else people like? Money.

You know what I mean?

You know what, we'll figure it out, okay?

You know what? Let me show you.

You know what? We're pretty slammed this morning.

You know, once I clip on the tie, I'm all business.

You know, whatever, but...

You know, you snap, the lights come on. Snap, they come off.

You know...

You might get lucky.

You might have them fooled, you might have the kids fooled. Not me.

You never fought John L. Sullivan in your life.

You new dum dum. You give me gum gum.

You really think he's the one?

You rock. I am a big fan.

You saved me.

You see, Larry, a few years into the job, the three of us realized that...

You seem I'm Larry.

You seem to know what you're doing, so I'm gonna let you take over.

You start with one, two, three....

You think you can track the guys who took it?

You three guys What, he's the ringleader, you're the audience?

You wanna dance, hot dog? You wanna dance?

You went to Cambridge?

You would not believe how stuffy it is in there.

You! Don't even think about it. Don't you

You.

You. New night guard, here, now.

You'd better run run from Attila the Hun Hun.

You're "Sakagawaya"?

You're amazing. How can you tell that?

You're both great leaders.

You're Galileo? No?

You're next.

You're really taking your job seriously.

You're the night watchman, Lawrence. A venerable position in this institution.

You're watching New York 1. News all morning.

You're worth saving, my dear.

You're, like, a giant. A freak, if you will. We can't expect you to understand that.

You're...

You've been in there 54 years. You're not getting out tonight.

You've been working on one paper for four years? That would drive me crazy.

Your dad just got canned, dude.

Your fallback?

Your father's a great man.

Your job is to make sure that everyone stays inside the museum...

Your keys. Your torch.

who knows?

...and I will be seeing you. Larry!

...dead? Dead?

...Fredricks! One moment. Connecting.

...snapping. Clapping's easier.

"Hey, Teeny." How does that sound? I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.

All right, stop the train. Thank you.

All right. What do you wanna be? A bond trader.

Alpaca. Welcome back, ladies.

An honor. Hi.

And a one and a two Hey, Jed. Stop that.

And have a good rest of your All right. Okay, kids.

Beautiful? Yeah.

Bond trader. Bond trader. Sorry.

Bye, Dad. Bye.

Carry on. Good. See you.

Come on, boy! Let me hear you yell! Yeah!

Come on, lad. All right. Okay. This is impossible.

Cool, thanks. All right, man.

Dad? Hang on a sec.

Dad? Hey.

Deal. All right.

Did I get you good? Yeah.

Do they look happy? No.

Don't you do it, son. Do what?

Dum dum. Yes?

Excuse me. Hi. Hi.

Foam. Yes, I know.

Get him, that big old Bocephus of a man. Hey, what are you doing?

Give us the tablet! Nicky?

Good night, Larry. Yeah, okay.

Good place to think, huh? Yeah. Definitely.

Got it. Okay?

Half the museum's running amuck outside. He's got my tablet.

He's back. All right, I'll deal with this joker.

Heave. On the count of three...

Hello. Cecil! It's Larry Daley!

Here you go. Best seat in the house. What's going on?

Hey there. Hey.

Hey, blondie? Name's Jedediah.

Hey, Huns. Tell Attila to have his boys...

Hey, Larry. How you doing?

Hey, no! Put me down! Keep heaving, men.

Hey, ready to carve it up? Cool.

Hey, Rebecca. Hey.

Hey, Teddy. Lawrence.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Come on in.

Home. What? Wait a minute.

How come you speak English? I went to Cambridge University.

I am. Who's evolved?

I can handle it. Okay.

I get it. Yeah.

I have rights. And you.

I know. Teddy?

I'll see you tomorrow. Wait! What ?

I'm just trying to close up shop. We're gonna blow it anyway. And a three!

I'm Rebecca Hutman. I'm a docent here. Hi.

It's Columbus. Right, Columbus! Right, I'm sorry.

It's gone. What's gone?

Just calm down, Jed. lt doesn't feel good.

Larry Daley. Yeah.

Lawrence! Hey, Teddy.

Lawrence! You saw!

Lawrence? Yeah?

Lawrence. Yes, sir?

Let me point you in the right direction. Great.

Llama. Hey.

lndeed. Bless you, lad. Yeah. All right.

lnuit. Yeah.

Love you. Love you too, buddy.

lt makes me feel small and powerless. You done?

Magic? Magic.

Mr. Daley? Yeah?

Name, please? Cecil...

Night, Gus. Young buck. Cracking wise.

No, I didn't get evicted yet. It's like Larry, listen to me.

No, no, I want the job Welcome to the night guards, Larry.

No. Rebecca! Good night, Larry.

Now there's a tablet? Yeah, there is.

Octavius. Don't do what?

Oh, boy. What is it?

Oh, I didn't mean to No, no, no.

Oh, my.... Prepare the catapults.

Oh, sorry. Well, what are you gonna do?

Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus Rex? Yeah.

Okay. No, I mean insanely crazy.

Okay. Okay, bye.

One Buddha. Check.

One more night. Okay, thank you.

Rather handsome woman, I suppose. Yeah.

Really, Mr. McPhee Doctor.

Really? Really.

Really? Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you.

Right. You'll wanna strap those to your belt.

Right. Check. Dexter! Welcome back.

Right. He should still be in his office. Great.

Sakagawean. Sakagawean?

Seriously? Yeah, sorry. It's museum rules.

Show me what? Come to work with me tonight.

Sir? What?

Somebody's gotta pay. Pay for what?

Stop it. What?

Sweet dreams, cupcake! No!

Take it or leave it. Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. Not at all.

Thank you. You're welcome.

That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby. Yes, it did.

That's a big no can do, Cracker Jack. What's going on here, huh?

That's problematic. Teddy. Oh, man.

Twenty sixth. Twenty sixth.

Unleash hell! Don't

Vikings. Right.

Wait! That's all you got for me? That's it!

Wea. Wea.

What are you doing? Hey, Nicky! Are you all right?

What are you doing? I'm gonna be here every night.

What are you doing? Put me down.

What is he? Capuchin.

What, you mean...? You're gonna let us out?

What? Just until you get really settled.

What? You'll see in about 20 seconds.

What's up? "What's up? "

What's wrong? Maybe you should ask Nicky.

Who's with me? Yeah!

Will do, sir. Thank you.

Yeah, use it all. All right. Okay.

Yeah! Charge!

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Follow me.

Yeah. Guy's cute.

Yeah. Hey.

Yeah. ln this museum...

Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, a great visionary. Yes, definitely.

Yes, but just one question. All right.

Yes, Mr. Daley? Yes. Was she deaf?

Yes. Good.

You all right? Yeah, yeah.

You better get it! Gus.

You cannot do this. I am a Roman general. Sorry.

You checking her out? The nerve.

You give me gum gum. I give you gum gum?

You have any idea what I've been through? Keep a lid on it, butterscotch.

You have any idea what I've been through? What?

You look like a man on a mission. Yeah, I'm gonna give it another shot.

You obviously don't. No, I didn't, but now I do.

You okay? I'm fine. Would you get off the ice?

You saw what he did just then! Who's evolved?

You turn to dust? Dust.

You. Fool me twice.... Got it.

You...? What?

..." Dakota"?

..."Sakagahwahwaya"?

...a little birdie told me that somebody likes...

...after your shift:

...all with her newborn baby on her back. She was the ultimate working mother.

...and be out of your hair, okay?

...and climbed over into the Wild West.

...and do a sweep from lnvertebrates all the way through Reptiles.

...and every other weekend.

...and I don't know, I feel like you did too.

...and I know that you and I got off on the wrong foot last night, but...

...and I say let's give him a shot. What do you say?

...and NASCAR, so just chill!

...and that's been hard for you.

...and they lead straight to the Museum of Natural History.

...and this is my son, Nick.

...and we need to do it before morning.

...and went back.

...and you're just an ordinary guy who should get a job?

...apparently there is a significant portion of the population that has trouble actually...

...at the Museum of Natural History.

...Attila and his Huns would often tear off the limbs of their helpless victims.

...baby Attila a long time ago, right here.

...ball of fun, aren't you, Dexter?

...because if the sun rises and anyone's on the outside...

...but isn't everything in this museum supposed to be, you know...

...but your guys there? Your jackal guys?

...colleague to colleague, information download sort of coffee.

...disappear.

...don't ever talk to me like that in front of my son.

...everything's just gonna come together, you know?

...five, four, three, two....

...get evicted. I didn't get evicted, no. I mean, I didn't....

...have a little bit of leash here. Don't choke me with it, okay?

...have it.

...he ought to be bringing home a World Series trophy every season.

...hear you.

...hear.

...I am forever in your debt.

...I can hook that up.

...I don't think Nicky has any room in his heart for more disappointment.

...I don't think that Nicky should stay with you.

...I felt a connection when I entered this office...

...I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did.

...I've never seen a resume quite like yours.

...if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor.

...in Petrified Wood. Go clean that up.

...into thin air!

...it actually does.

...just listening to Lewis and Clark argue.

...like everything else in this museum, we got new life at night.

...love to bestow it upon you, but we don't actually...

...magic.

...metaphorically speaking.

...myself and the other two night guards.

...not everyone.

...of these United States of America at your service.

...of vanishing...

...one of you guards locks us up in these boxes.

...or go and plunder somewhere, just doing his job.

...over. Knock yourselves out.

...President Theodore Roosevelt.

...pretty obvious you committed the crime.

...ruler of the land of my fathers.

...so he rounded up a posse and put him in the stockade.

...so I needed to find a more steady situation.

...so that I may assume command of my kingdom.

...so you might wanna put a few lights on.

...son of Milton...

...spying on a girl he's never even talked to.

...stole a bit of our thunder.

...take him back. Put him with the guards.

...the Batman of stockbrokers.

...the better prepared you are for the future.

...then it's farewell, my friend.

...there's some pretty cool places out in Queens.

...this whole coming to life at night thing, it all goes away.

...to pillage some town...

...was his most prized possession, the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

...we had to steal the tablet.

...we turn to dust.

...who advised and mystified him with their dark arts."

...who led Lewis and Clark on their expedition to find the Pacific Ocean.

...whose daddy went off...

...with the fact everything in the museum comes to life at night.

...you blow this anthill to kingdom come.

...you gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit.

...you guys aren't that different.

" Known as the 'Scourge of God'...

"Double check your belt. The monkey probably stole your keys."

"Gigantor" makes me feel like some sort of freak, so....

"Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard."

"No" is the answer.