A bath?
A cook who thinks he's a gardener...
A little dizzy.
A little test, perhaps, hmm?
A power so great...
Absolutely right.
According to the latest code transmission...
Advertising the Oktoberfest in Munich.
After all, what is the life of a man...
After three long terrible years...
Against a holocaust that could destroy the globe.
Against a holocaust...
Ah, here, Doctor. Please hurry.
Ah, there is the naughty one.
Ah! A room!
All right, team! Let's go!
All right, Tournier. That's long enough.
All right.
All right. I'll tell you anything.
All right. That will be all, Francois. Thank you.
All the terrible things I was going to do to that sweet child if you failed.
All this to get one cop?
All will be well soon.
Always a leader? Onwards and upwards to the top, hmm?
An emergency. Did Michigan score?
An infamous family who ruled Bavaria in the 15th century.
And a witness to a murder.
And do you work for a particular government...
And everyone in this room is under the suspicions.
And his daughter have been kidnapped.
And his daughter is another matter.
And I might even be persuaded to run for the public office.
And I will kiss you good bye...
And if I refuse to teach you?
And it is my job to bring the guilty party, or parties, to their justice.
And it turned out not to be a hoax.
And knowing on certain mornings, you'll be particularly morose and testy...
And my numerous accomplishments, why recognition was not forthcoming earlier.
And not as much as a single decoration in all that time.
And now the kiss of life.
And now, the next step.
And passively submitted to another massacre.
And poor old Clouseau would have silently...
And request that he be taken off the case?
And so I'll keep those dreams
And so, next week...
And take off those so silly pajamas.
And that a certified lunatic would blackmail the entire...
And the gun goes off. The game is over.
And the world
And then back here for life.
And there is a very good chance that someone in this room...
And there was also a time when you would joyfully have killed him.
And they will set me free, and then...
And they're all converging on the Oktoberfest.
And this mad bomber must be apprehended at all costs.
And tonight, you are...
And when it comes to the matter of eliminating Clouseau...
And will be again.
And you think the dead man was planning to go there, perhaps to meet someone?
And you will drive off in your new car...
And you, my friend Clouseau... a leader, huh?
And you, my friend, can count on me...
And you'd be right again to say
And, as always, I accept the challenge.
Anesthetic.
Anything I can get you, boss?
Anyway, this is the man who can lead me to the lunatic Dreyfus...
Are you all right, former Chief lnspector?
Are you all right, Mr. Stutterstutt?
At last, we are rid of you.
At one time, partners in the war against crime...
At precisely 3:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time...
At the state facility for the criminally insane.
Because no man had ever been able to involve me emotionally...
Because we've got enough trouble with France...
Because you've had another fight with your wife...
Become traitor, given up everything for you.
Before you are dismissed, Mr. Stiffsticker...
Better and better.
Blemish!
Brave and selfless public servants.
But Clouseau is chief inspector now.
But he has been shot...
But he has gone fishing.
But I can assure you when it comes to matters of keeping the peace...
But it is my day.
But it's giving me hallucinations.
But we have some of the finest hit men here in Europe.
But what has happened to my room?
By comparison, the Cosa Nostra will seem like the Vienna Boys Choir.
By the way, Sergeant Chevalier sends you his kind regards.
Call the F.B.I., the C.I.A. and the Pentagon.
Calm down, hell! This is an emergen...
Can come from only
Can you tell me where you were on the night of the kidnapping?
Cato, my little yellow friend, I'm home.
Chief lnspector.
Chuck. Who are you?
Claude Duval.
Clouseau!
Come
Come along. Good.
Come to me
Come. Sit down. Let us just say for the moment...
Coming here day after day, watching you chain smoke into an early grave...
Compared to Clouseau, this Doomsday Machine...
Compared to the destruction of a whole city?
Compared to the terrible crime that has been committed here?
Crazy or not, anyone who has gone to the lengths that Dreyfus has...
Daddy?
Darling, it's freezing out here. Let me in.
Darling, relax.
Darling, sing to me.
Darling?
Darling?
Darling.
Dead men in bathtubs have been known...
Did I hear you say a doctor lives here?
Did not last very long.
Dirty old men!
Do something! Come back! Help me!
Do something.
Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Do you mean you fell down the stairs?
Doctor, I'm in agony!
Doctor, I'm surprised.
Doctor.
Does your dog bite?
Dr. Fassbender and Operation Looking Glass are certainly no hoax.
Dr. Shurtz has gone fishing.
Dr. Shurtz lives here...
Drummond, what's going on?
England!
England! Yes, England.
Entered and robbed the Paris credit bank.
Every day, and in every way, you're feeling..
Every day, and in every way...
Every day, in every way...
Everything is possible, yes.
Excuse me.
Fancy them selling the castle, just like that.
Farewell, Leicester Square
Farewell. I am off to Mondschien Castle.
Find out who won the game!
Five, four...
For little girls
For me, the greater the odds, the greater the challenge.
For some reason, the deputy commissioner...
For that's the next best thing
For the better, I'm sure.
For what purpose, may I ask?
For what purpose, you ask.
For you
For your sake, I hope you're not.
Forty winks.
Freezing? Yes.
From the sanity commission...
Germany's already acted, and bungled it.
Get Fassbender and his daughter into the control room.
Get some hot water, Harry, and lock the door.
Give me Clouseau, and we can all sleep secure in our beds.
Give me Clouseau.
Give me Lovell. Home Office.
God. A weapon like that in the hands of a crazy Frenchman.
Good afternoon, sir.
Good bye, Piccadilly
Good day.
Good evening, lnspector Clouseau.
Good morning, Charles. You're looking splendid.
Good morning, Doctor.
Good old Sergeant Chevalier. How is he, anyway?
Good. Lovely.
Grab hold of this. Pull. Pull on this.
Green now on third down. Looks to the left, throws it...
Grotesque!
Had recently been sold.
He also threatens to make the U.N. building disappear.
He does not wish to be disturbed, you know.
He has pulled the wrong tooth.
He is in the castle.
He is shadowing the Fassbender farm.
He just sent this telegram. Arrived Gatwick Airport, B.R. 121, 12:38 p.m.
He made mein teeth for me.
He says he's got a bit of a cold, and he's lost his voice.
He wants me to call.
He was still able to break the kidnapper's neck.
He's a doctor and a dentist.
He's a one man army. Who's left?
He's dead in his hotel bedroom!
He's dead!
He's got to get that ball down deep into Navy territory.
He's just reported in. Clouseau has gone to the Oktoberfest.
He's terrible. He's the worst.
He's the beekeeper.
Hello, this is Chief lnspector Clouseau.
Hello!
Help, Professor!
Help!
Holy cow. No wonder Dreyfus wants that Clouseau killed.
How about London? Not big enough.
How are you? How is Madame and all the little commissioners?
How do you feel?
How.
How's this?
Hugo Fassbender and his daughter have been kidnapped.
Hurray! I'm free!
Hurry, darling.
I am Chief lnspector Jacques Clouseau of the Surete.
I am fascinated by your work on time space relationships...
I am in agony.
I am Olga Berriossiva.
I arrest you for the murder of the man in this bathtub.
I can't stand it any longer. Get me a dentist!
I couldn't sleep, and I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
I do not know what a reum is.
I don't know what you gave me, Doctor...
I don't know. He looks familiar.
I don't know. I will tell him.
I don't think you know
I feel splendid.
I give you seven days.
I have been with Professor Fassbender for 30 years.
I have done everything you asked.
I have just received word that former Chief lnspector Dreyfus...
I have recently received an important promotion.
I have replaced the lunatic Dreyfus as chief inspector.
I have the honor to be chairman...
I have to tinkle again. Don't do anything till I get back.
I hope you don't mind.
I keep forgetting you used to be chief inspector of the Surete.
I knew it.
I know, and I'm sure Paris sleeps the more safely because of the change.
I love it.
I mean, the surprise of seeing you here again today.
I meant pity that the kidnapper's dead. We might have got something from him.
I must admit the thought had occurred to me.
I ordered one of our top people to Munich yesterday.
I really must congratulate you. If there's one thing I do enjoy...
I said murder? You said murder!
I see, and what is your job, Mr. Stuckerstuff?
I see.
I see.
I shall give the world a demonstration of the awesome power I hold.
I suggest we start with the upstairs.
I suggest you count your bees.
I think by now that the nations of the world are aware of the...
I think lnspector Clouseau had better start looking to his laurels.
I think that's pretty far fetched.
I think we all agree, Mr. President, that we simply cannot afford...
I thought you said your dog did not bite.
I want to kill him!
I was considered a perfect liquidator...
I was hit on the head.
I was just making sure that you're not a better liar than I am a psychiatrist.
I was preoccupied with the anesthetic, you know.
I will build an organization so sinister, so powerful...
I will have to use more leverage.
I will interview them in a few moments.
I will kill you.
I will not permit... repeat... not permit anything...
I wish that I could.
I wonder if we have enough time before the others act.
I, too, had a sworn duty, but I have forsaken it...
I'll bet you 20 million francs it isn't.
I'll die first.
I'll kill him!
I'll live a life of longing
I'm a patient you consider to be completely rehabilitated...
I'm afraid that this is just not your day, my friend.
I'm all right. I'm fine.
I'm always on my toes.
I'm fine. I am perfect.
I'm getting better and better.
I'm just going to take a bath.
I'm not asking you. I'm asking Mr. Stuffsucker.
I'm so...
I'm sure that Green will come out throwing.
I've been getting better and better.
I've got to kill him.
I've heard you are the new chief inspector.
If everything goes as I expect it to, you'll be out of here this afternoon.
If I choose, I could wipe out an entire city.
If you think this is fantastic...
If you're going to take a bath, I want to take one with you.
Ignition!
Iike this morning.
In all my dreams
In order to eliminate one man...
In order to give you the full effect of the anesthetic.
In the department.
In the Resistance to keep up the courage.
Inspector Clouseau has been interrogating the staff.
Is cold
Is it that one?
Is just a water pistol.
Is there anybody hiding there in the dark?
It begins the day after tomorrow.
It has?
It is a large bump.
It is a question I could very easily ask you.
It is at last my day.
It is little enough to ask...
It is my profound pleasure to introduce...
It is the duty that comes first.
It is, my friend.
It's a good closet ploy.
It's a matter of national pride.
It's amazing. Even after he had been stabbed twice...
It's Clouseau.
It's Dr. Shurtz from the village, you know.
It's obvious that the knight that wore that suit...
It's okay. How many?
It's really hot in here, isn't it?
It's reasonable to assume...
It's the phone.
It's true.
Just rearranging the furniture...
Kill!
Knows more about the murder than he is telling.
Knows more about the murder than he's telling.
Ladies and gentlemen, once again...
Listen to this. Little enough to ask the life of one man...
Look. There is no need for you to speak unless I ask you a question.
Lost his voice. A beekeeper who has lost his voice...
Lucky for you, I am in a hurry. Otherwise you would have been arrested.
Mad? On the contrary...
Mad? Was Hannibal mad?
Make a note of that, Sergeant Yard.
Make sure you issue an all points bulletin immediately.
Mark my words, Francois. Sinister forces are at work.
Medieval castle authority from Marseilles.
Millions. Here's the report.
Monsieur Jarvis?
Mr. President, everybody, calm down.
Mr. President, if I told you one week ago...
Mrs. Leverlilly.
Mrs. Loveliver. I would take a shrewd guess...
Must be getting a cavity.
My beautiful darling.
My darling.
My God, it will be like a shooting gallery.
My hat. Well...
My key, please.
My name is Professor Guy Gabroir...
Neither, Professor. Nothing so mundane.
Never better. Just a little shaky.
Nevertheless, I am ordered to take every precaution.
Nice doggy.
Nine years faithful service at the Surete...
Nitrous oxide.
No more chance of another hearing.
No more cricket.
No more fish and chips. No more...
No more warm beer, Professor.
No queen at all
No way of knowing
No, I said murder because you said murder!
No, the inspector was just warning me that I had to watch my step.
No, you see, l...
No. I'll be quite comfortable here. Thank you.
Nobody wants to have anybody else get the credit for it.
Not anymore. What is your name?
Not even a little bit.
Not for much longer.
Not one dream can come true
Not unless you want to.
Not very long ago, an obvious trick like that...
Nothing like a good warm up when you're on a case, you know?
Now listen...
Now, I will walk you to the gate...
Now, ladies and gentlemen, once again...
Now, let me see.
Now, now, Doctor.
Now, open wide, please.
Now, the...
Now, then, what do we know?
Now.
Obviously not, no.
Obviously, the poor man is crazier than anyone gives him credit for.
Obviously.
Of course it won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.
Oh, allow me.
Oh, Chief lnspector, that is fantastic.
Oh, dear!
Oh, excuse me, sir.
Oh, forgive me, darling. I've just washed my hands.
Oh, God... I mean, how generous of you, but...
Oh, good.
Oh, I'm so happy, Professor.
Oh, lnspector.
Oh, make an exception just this once.
Oh, of course. You quit.
Oh, well, of course...
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. It is obvious to my trained eye...
Okay.
Okay. Let's go.
On Saturday, October 9th...
On the one who eliminates lnspector Clouseau.
On your recommendation soon to appear before the sanity board...
One minute.
One moment, and I will have you extracted.
One moment, please.
One of the city's most dedicated...
One: That Professor Fassbender...
Or Alexander? Surely Napoleon was the maddest of them all. Mad?
Out with the bad air, in with the good.
Out, in.
Over a simple blemish on the furniture.
Paris has identified him as one Charles Dreyfus...
Particularly the vortices of electromagnetic aberrations.
Pervert!
Please give me something to put me out.
Please hurry, Doctor. I can't stand the pain.
Please, Doctor, hurry. I can't stand the pain.
Please, Doctor, the pain is getting worse.
Please, hurry up.
Please, let's hear what the fellow has to say.
Please, there is no need to thank me.
Poor old Clouseau.
Priorities. First I will pick a target.
Probably the shock of...
Professor Fassbender!
Providing, of course...
Put me in, Coach.
Put you out?
Quiet.
Really?
Redundant and fallacious. Madness does not preclude achievement.
Relax. I'll get it.
Repeat... anything to spoil it.
Resistance is over.
Right. Follow me, Jock.
Room.
See that the back and front doors are locked...
See?
Seven days.
Seven, six...
Sir.
So I thought a few words from me on your behalf...
So, now we wait.
Some hot water and towels.
Some people would consider your methods most unorthodox.
Someone...
Something so very, very painful, so hideous...
Something the world will not forget.
Something wrong?
Sooner or later, you'd run into Clouseau...
Speaking on the phone.
Start the car!
Stay where you are. I prefer to handle this alone.
Steady.
Step number three: Next Thursday at precisely 2:00 p.m...
Strange. It didn't work for me.
Superintendent.
Swine maid.
Take as long as it takes
Taxi, please.
Tell me when this hurts.
Tell me, do you have a room?
Tell me, which switch did you use to turn on the lights?
Tell the staff to assemble in the drawing room.
Than meets the ear.
Thank heaven
Thank you, Commissioner, and good evening.
Thank you.
That could destroy the globe.
That Dreyfus will smile very kindly...
That I can assure you.
That I shall take every precaution that is necessary.
That I'm your host and that I will do everything in my power...
That is not my dog.
That is the anesthetic, you know.
That is what I have been saying, you idiot.
That is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.
That the U.N. building would disappear...
That there is much more going on here...
That was hell down there.
That was my voice singing a little song we used to sing...
That was the commissioner. He was most concerned.
That will ruin the whole effect of the anesthetic on the eyes.
That would account for your exaggerated hysteria...
That you are the housekeeper, right?
That's a photograph taken by an American news photographer...
That's one crazy chief inspector talking about another crazy chief inspector.
That's why I say again...
That's why it will take all the great nations...
The awesome power which I control...
The bells!
The burn. I can set it later.
The case is solved.
The clock is running down. Can the Wolverines do it?
The exploding kind.
The incomparable Ainsley Jarvis!
The incomparable Ainsley Jarvis.
The life of one man...
The light switch, sir.
The lunatic Dreyfus.
The parallel bars... my speciality.
The phone is ringing.
The presentation committee? For me?
The purpose, monsieur, is to honor...
The U.N. building.
The winter's day
Then Clouseau.
Then come back to bed.
Then I would have to take the matter up with your charming daughter.
There is a beautiful woman in my bed and a dead man in my bath.
There is a place
There is not any man like him anywhere in the world.
There it is.
There was a time when I couldn't even speak his name.
There, there, little boy.
There's only one man who would pull the wrong tooth.
They deafen me!
They had sold the castle?
They must have been freezing.
They want him up at the castle.
They're sending over their top man... a Chief lnspector Clouseau.
They've all betrayed me, and now they will have to pay.
Thinks that he might try to kill me.
Thirty seconds.
This afternoon?
This gentleman...
This is a door.
This is a very serious matter...
This is Chief lnspector Clouseau...
This is Chief lnspector Clouseau's residence.
This need I need
This reminds me of my younger days at the Surete police academy.
This special anesthetic cotton wool, you know.
Thought that might interest you.
Three men dressed in building maintenance uniforms...
Three months ago.
Three, two, one!
Throw's complete to Rhodes! He's inside the 15! He's to the 20!
Till the better man comes along.
To allow any other country to get hold of Fassbender's machine.
To do everything in my power to get you out of this place.
To eliminate Clouseau.
To go
To grow
To keep me afloat until the rescue.
To kill me?
To make quite a difference, you know.
To make your stay here at Mondschien Castle as pleasant as possible.
To transport Jean Tournier to prison.
Today...
Tomorrow, who knows?
Too late. The countdown started.
Tournier the bank robber? I shall be happy to sign that order.
Tournier, the bank robber.
Try one of my pretzels. They're good.
Twelve countries have got their top assassins in Munich...
Twenty six, Mr. President.
Two: Someone has kidnapped them.
Under direct order from the presidium to kill you.
Unless I miss my guess, this would be the gymnasium room.
Until
Until he escaped. Here's a text of his speech.
Until tonight.
Until you love me
Until you love me
Until you love me
Up at the castle? Where can I find him?
Very good, sir.
Wait till you see the full effect with the hump.
Wait while l...
Wait!
Was it hard for you in the Resistance?
We shall see, Professor.
We would look very foolish if we didn't take every precaution...
We're going to build the Doomsday Machine and conquer the world.
We're gonna look like a bunch of Dipsy Doodles if this is a hoax.
We've come a long way, haven't we?
Wear it over the eyes. On no account look out from under it.
Well done.
Well, I am off to Munich.
Well, I could be lying.
Well, I don't know. You said murder.
Well, I'm not without influence, you know.
Well, in that case...
Well, Mr. President, Clouseau is in Munich.
Well, now. I expect you're all wondering why I asked you here.
Well, of course...
Well, that felt good!
Well, until we meet again and the case is solved.
Well, you can rest assured...
Well, you have been very, very lucky, you know.
Well, you know, there are leaders and there are followers...
Well...
What about Clouseau?
What an honor to have you and your charming daughter as my guests.
What are you doing?
What are you going to do?
What could be wrong?
What have you done with lnspector Clouseau?
What is the price of one piano...
What shall I destroy? Buckingham Palace? Too small.
What the hell's he talking about?
What you mean is that you have no intention of letting us go.
What?
What? Oh, put him on.
What? You mean...
What's a queen
What's that?
What's that?
What's that?
What's that? What is he saying to you? What? What was that?
What's the score?
What's wrong?
Whatever has happened to the piano can easily be repaired.
When can my daughter and I leave?
When the U.N. building vanishes...
Where did you go?
Where is he now?
Whether Clouseau is eliminated or not.
Which should rightfully be mine...
Which way you're heart is going
While I get some...
While I slip into my new hunchback disguise.
While the broadcast was in progress.
Who are you?
Who it is my sworn duty to apprehend.
Whoever built this house put the stairs in the wrong place.
Why don't you just tell Potters that he's incompetent...
Why is it that this afternoon you are Jarvis, the Fassbender butler...
Will vanish from the face of the earth.
With all of their trained assassins...
With me...
Within five minutes, I shall destroy England.
Without a castle
Without suggesting that their greatest detective is a fool.
Would have made me feel very rejected.
Would have sent you into a towering rage.
Wouldn't you like me to..
Wrong? Oh, no.
Yes, a few more years on the force...
Yes, but if Dreyfus is what we suspect, he probably has an army behind him.
Yes, I have become a rather important official...
Yes, I know that.
Yes, I know. Poor Cato will be in the hospital for weeks.
Yes, I must admit I have often wondered, considering my years on the force...
Yes, I remember it...
Yes, I won't be a moment...
Yes, I'm perfectly all right.
Yes, it is good, yes.
Yes, of course I will pull it.
Yes, of course.
Yes, sir.
Yes, that is a door.
Yes, that is quite correct.
Yes, that's...
Yes, this is Chief lnspector Clouseau.
Yes, we made quite a few changes since you went crazy.
Yes, yes. I know.
Yes, you have received a bump upon the head.
Yes!
Yes? Who are you?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. A brochure clue...
Yes. As I was saying...
Yes. Coming soon.
Yes. Now, then let me see.
Yes. Perhaps to meet...
Yes. Well, thank you very much, Commissioner. Good bye.
You
You and l... we're going to join forces, Professor.
You and six men will enter the main branch of the Paris credit bank.
You are certain? You can do it?
You are just in time, Professor.
You are most generous, monsieur. Most.
You can count on my vote.
You can. I guarantee it.
You cannot operate the machine without me.
You Frenchmen are so romantic.
You great big bully.
You know, there was a time when your forgetfulness...
You made your point. What do we do?
You may find that one of them is missing.
You may rest assured you will never see these so silly pajamas again.
You missed the best bit. Look.
You plan to continue your reign of terror...
You ruined that piano!
You see, back in France, he's known as king of the tango.
You want to call Paris now?
You were saying you supposed we were all wondering why you called us.
You.
You...
You've done everything I've asked so far...
You've gotta help me.
Your father will have no choice but to cooperate.
Your love
Your reputation on the line.
Your whole face has changed.
2:00.
127, please.
A clue. Clue?
Ah, pity. Yes, he had a lovely voice.
All right. Now, breathe deeply.
Allow me to assist you. No!
And we can all sleep secure in bed. What's a Clouseau?
And what is it you do? I'm the gardener.
Are you going to pull it? Pull it?
Asleep in my room, sir. Asleep in your room.
But it is my tooth. I wish you would make your mind up.
But you are not the same. Huh?
Can you prove that? No.
Come on. It's gonna hurt.
Did you do it intentionally? Why should I do that?
Don't look, Fiona! Out, out.
Dr. Shurtz is here. Where?
Have a sweet. You're mad.
He looks like you. Looks like me?
He probably won't be back until... Show me his zimmer.
Here is the list. But half of these men are in prison.
Hmm? His room!
How's that? It's fine.
I am the butler. Ah, the butler. Yes, yes.
I better call the President. You know what time it is?
I did. Don't be funny with me, monsieur.
I don't want to be disturbed. And lock the door, Harry.
I said murder? You said someone in this room...
I said murder. What murder?
I shall tell you nothing. I think you will.
Indeed. Well, won't you sit here?
Inspector, before you get all... Madame or monsieur, I must warn you.
It is my karma. What?
It looks like the Mondschien crest. Mondschien?
Jarvis, sir. And what is it you do?
Kill you! Francois!
Look, I've done everything you asked. Not yet.
Mm hmm. What is that?
My eye. I thought it was your tooth.
Not now, hmm? Well, a little rejected, perhaps.
Operation Looking Glass? Fassbender.
Ow. What?
Professor Fassbender? Yes. Paris has a theory.
Reum? What? What was that?
Sir, the coroner's report. Ah, yes.
Tango? Oh, I'd love to.
Thank you? For saving your life.
Thank you. See you at 2:00.
The cook. Gardener.
The kidnappers are here. Kidnappers?
The show starts in a few minutes. In that case, I will take the table.
