A bag of dicks.
Airbags
All right, let's go!
All right, rub it in. Rub it in.
And I don't really know what to...
And I have some wisdom. And I feel like I'm protecting you guys.
And once again
And they all pay us, too
And you're not a ring guy. You don't have to wear it
Are you okay?
As soon as we're not escrow, go fucking apeshit.
Before I got anywhere in life, I asked myself,
Bring it in
Bye.
Can I hold her?
Can we talk about the living situation real quick?
College was crazy, man!
Come in.
Come on
Come on in, guys!
Could you just watch your language, please?
Darren cherishes his friendship with you.
Dear Mac, I know everything seemed good between us,
Delta Psi.
Did he ever tell you about college?
Do you know you can't leave a baby alone?
Do you see people sometimes that I don't see?
Do you want me to put a pillow over your mouth?
Don't put the eggs in there. It's gonna melt them.
Dope!
Dude. We should do this.
Five buckets it is.
Fraternities are allowed to party
Fuck yes!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fucking Jimmy.
Fucking old people phone!
Get on the fucking ground!
Get the fucking bag of weed!
Get the weed!
Get this woman a mocktail.
Getting warmer
Give me the fucking weed!
Go for it!
God, have you inherited my stupid gene?
Gosh.
Great! Good to see you guys!
Guys, this party is amazing. You did it.
Here, here. Fuck it!
Hey, hey, hey! It's okay. It's all right
Hey, hope you let yourself in this party later on.
Hey, Pete.
Hey, sweetie!
Hey! Hey
Hey! Hey, sweetie!
Hi. Hi.
Holy shit. Really? Yeah.
How much money do you guys have between the three of you?
I am so sick and tired of all these guys coming into our lives
I can't be here anymore.
I don't know about that.
I don't know how long she had it in her mouth for
I don't know. You're looking at me
I fell right through the cracks
I got rid of the old people.
I have a criminal record now because of you guys.
I know we've been going through some rough times lately.
I liquidated my 401K for this.
I love Minions, and now I have to hate them.
I love that idea! We can make T shirts
I love you!
I mean, we're engaged.
I told you, she's not going into labor
I want to help you guys stop that sorority before it gets too late.
I was in a bad place
I went where you told me to meet you!
I'm actually not that worried.
I'm All State track and field, bitch!
I'm gaining a best friend's husband.
I'm good.
I'm just having the worst cramps in my life every five, six minutes.
I'm on painkillers, motherfucker!
I'm ready. All right.
I'm really hyped.
I'm scared.
I'm such a bad parent.
I'm sure maybe... No means no!
I've been playing for the wrong team.
I've been roofied, so if anyone's
In the United States of America,
Is just a giant arrow pointing upstairs so they can fuck us.
Is that Teddy Sanders?
It doesn't matter if we lose that.
It makes pasta soft.
It was really fucking funny
It's a PR nightmare
It's all gone!
It's got my foot!
It's locked. She locked it
It's not fair! They're too young!
It's not like I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's not the McRib.
Kappa Nu has cornered the market on weed.
Kappa Nu!
Kelly?
Leave me alone. You're not going.
Let's get you married though, huh?
Let's try something else.
Like throw dope ass parties and totally rage.
Look at that pizza, how old is that?
Look at this
Look how big my tongue is
Look, I'm your best friend. I'm just trying to be honest.
Look, if they get three strikes they have to shut down, right?
Looks like Beth needs some suntan lotion on her.
Love you, dude. Love you, man
Man, what do you got, a full house?
Minions! Minions!
Money in the bucket. Just some money in the bucket.
Move, move, move!
Nice! That's awesome! Cool! Yes!
No, I don't know how to hot wire
No, I'm not. I don't know anything.
No, it's not.
No, it's over.
No, it's the most important thing!
No, you're right
No! Do you got another one in you?
No! I don't have the baby oil.
No! Stop drinking that.
No.
No.
No. Me neither.
Nora. I'm Team Nora.
Not yet? You wanna just hang out for a little bit more?
Oh, dude, don't fucking touch it! I told you it's hot!
Oh, God!
Oh, God! Tampons!
Oh, my God, I noticed!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! God bless you, kid.
Oh, my God! Mac!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Do you need some water? Are you okay?
Oh, my prince, come for me!
Oh, no!
Oh, no. Their plates are full cleaning the house
Oh, really?
Oh, what, these?
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah. It's on!
Oh, you okay? What's wrong?
Oh...
Okay
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Oh, my God!
On your right! Take it!
Only frats can.
Or Senator Hillary Clinton?
Our daughters are going to look at us
Pete, wake up, man.
Pete.
Proof they actually exist.
Really?
Remember those, Stels?
Rub that shit in.
Say, Oh, the house has a few leaks,
Seriously, though. Would it be cool if Darren moved in
She looks fantastic.
She must be fucking with me.
She's a baby, A. She doesn't retain any of that shit.
Shelby, they would never say you were too intense if you were a man.
Shelby. Shelby
Shit!
Shit!
Should I start screaming? Come on. No, no.
Sisters' hug!
So it'd just be great if you could be mellow and low key,
So was I.
So, it's been really tough.
Sorriroi tity? KELLY: That's how you spell it
Stop it, you animals!
Tailgate.
That is reverse sexism.
That is so fucked up. You bad, girl!
That sheet has so many bedbugs
That'll work. It usually works.
That's a good point.
That's against the rules. You're gonna have to take that out.
That's it
That's our way out
That's such a good call.
That's the cutest thing I've ever heard in my literal life
The plan is almost done, okay?
The weed! Oh, shit!
Their parents. Celebrities. Their parents.
Then go to sleep in my car.
They actually pay us to come to.
They don't think you're funny, okay?
They'll pull out of the deal, and we'll own two homes and be fucked.
They're making me hate something I love.
They're moving into our old house,
They're not gonna wanna talk to us.
They're not gonna want anything to do with us.
This is Jimmy Jr.'s favorite
This is private property. You're trespassing
This is such an exciting year
This is the most fun I've ever had and I went to space camp.
This just seemed like a logical conclusion.
This party sucks.
This place is weird.
Those are the little notches when she was growing taller.
To stay in the house through your escrow.
Toy
Trying to start their own sorority.
Two pounds coming!
Two were black
Uh, a baby's room.
Uh, Teddy, where are you gonna be staying?
Um, I've been in a pretty intense relationship since third grade.
Until you know the answer to one simple question.
We are prepared to offer you four buckets of money per month in rent
We could talk to the guys.
We gotta wear body cameras and all of that.
We hoes before bros them
We just got to get rid of them.
We love suspense.
We should start our own sorority.
We smoked weed.
We were supposed to be a team.
We'll always have things to talk about, right?
We're gonna lose our sisters, 'cause we're gonna be put in separate dorms
We're gonna throw everything we can at this door
We're totally screwed.
Welcome, you guys!
Well, heck.
Well, here's the thing.
Well, tell yourself that, because before you know it,
Well, we didn't tell you to do that.
What are you doing?
What are you doing? Don't drink that!
What did you do in high school?
What do you mean, Why would it make eggs hard?
What does that mean? Huh?
What is that?
What is the water doing?
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with her?
What?
What?
What? It's a clown, man. People love clowns.
What? No! I'm lying! I don't know where he is!
What? Oh, fuck me!
What's going on right now?
What's going on?
What's happening here?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's wrong? Damn it.
What's your name? Nora
When?
Where are our phones?
Where are you? I'm in your office!
Where did that come from?
Which one is it? Where's the weed?
Who are you asking?
Who's laughing now, clown?
Why are we doing this right now?
Why do you have Jimmy's phone? Where are you?
With baby oil, you get, like, two extra lines here.
Yay!
Yeah, baby!
Yeah, I know. Just weren't ready yet.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, my dad was super strict, I had really early curfews.
Yeah, totally
Yeah, you mean this fucking sucks, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. So I've been designing Outback Steakhouses.
Yeah. They're worse than the guys.
Yeah. What?
Yellow stars.
Yep. I think we should do that.
Yes, blend, blend, blend
Yes, we did call your parents.
Yes!
Yo, get out of the way
You broke my bike
You come back here, young lady!
You could have done that when I was living here.
You don't have to do that
You get knocked down, you get up again.
You got this.
You had no friends.
You know what we should do?
You know, there's no legal right to party.
You need to be timing this
You'll know.
You're an old person.
You're cool. Get in there.
You're definitely getting warmer.
You're definitely going into labor
You're in escrow.
You're incredible at math
You're not in the Academy anymore, private.
At least I have you guys. You do!
Hey, meanies! Hi!
It's not a good idea. I like it.
Jesus Christ. They're vulnerable.
No! Gross! Oh, my God!
We gonna sell... Weed!
We gonna smoke... Weed!
