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Home > Nope
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Nope

Nope

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A bunch of random shit fell out of a plane.
A couple of extra press passes
A few clouds kill our fun today, are we, folks?
A halfway decent birthday present.
A hundred K?
A lot of blackouts.
A love of the aurora borealis, Gordy.
A rocket into space would be able to manage
A saint for putting up with all my craziness.
A UFO, alien entity or whatever the hell you want to call it?
About six months ago.
About two school bus lengths wide.
Acting all territorial.
Actually,
Ah, dude, you were literally my favorite.
Ah, shit!
Ah.
Ain't Oprah.
All connected to one control panel.
All eyes on you...
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, bitch.
All right, here we go!
All right, I'll be over in the morning to tear that shit off.
All right, let's get into some, uh, safety precautions
All right, uh, no help with the install.
All right!
All right?
All right? I'm sorry.
All right? We know what it wants,
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. See you tomorrow.
All that UFO footage a couple years ago?
All these new cameras, they have backup battery power,
Always some shit to do.
Always.
AMBER (over speakers): Cowboys and cowgirls,
AMBER: Bear with us now.
AMBER: Hi there. It's Amber again from Jupe's Claim.
AMBER: If you'd like, I can go ahead and put you down...
AMBER: Now, we're not gonna let
An Anyway, Ancient Aliens, History Channel.
An inexplicable occurrence, uh, just in the distance...
An old costar of mine and my first crush,
Ana Gasteyer as Phyllis.
And all of our cameras are digital, so it's a whole thing.
And do a little number for us. Would that be all right?
And do what they always do:
And even though the high gust warning will, um, expire
And get the star out of his trailer?
And he is my great great grandfather.
And he is...
And he was my great great grandfather.
And he's definitely coming this way.
And he's got a lot of spirit.
And it was six minutes and 13 seconds of havoc.
And just as many have perished.
And knock a horse's dick out your damn hand.
And no one knows what the fuck a UAP is,
And second of all, if anybody's a liability... (chuckles)
And shove metal probes up our fucking asses.
And so are you.
And studying us, waiting for the perfect time to beam us up
And that cloud has been right there
And that means that they've been fucking watching us
And that's just what I saw on the first go.
And the whereabouts of those 40 guests and employees
And then break, yeah?
And there is literally no record of him.
And they let Clover out, man.
And though they have yet to emerge from their ship,
And three, let's have a great shoot!
And to the knuckleheads up there.
And until then, we wish you well.
And until then...
And we ain't got no more problems. Mm.
And we are your animal wranglers today
And we don't own shit.
And we know how it comes, so...
And we've been recording it, so we got it.
And you have no idea how to tell time.
And you have no idea how to tell time.
And you're a liability right now.
And you're probably the only person in the world
And, of course, I set it to Icelandic time
And, uh, vice versa, so...
And, uh... did you know the very first, uh, assem...
And, um... boom.
And, well...
And... action.
ANGEL (chuckling): Right?
ANGEL (sighs): Here we go.
ANGEL (singsongy): It's here.
ANGEL (whimpering): Yeah, we're fucked.
ANGEL: And so, the router's in the shed.
ANGEL: Em. OJ's coming.
ANGEL: Hey, um...
ANGEL: Holst.
ANGEL: Holy shit, I I think it's taking the dancers.
ANGEL: Man in black on a white motorcycle.
ANGEL: Oh, fuck!
ANGEL: Oh, God.
ANGEL: Oh, God.
ANGEL: Oh, wait, wait.
ANGEL: Oh.
ANGEL: OJ, you're a motherfucking genius.
ANGEL: Okay.
ANGEL: Okay. Are you guys telling me
ANGEL: Pop quiz, guys.
ANGEL: Shit. We're all gonna go to jail.
ANGEL: Sorry, dead people. Park's closed.
ANGEL: Uh, hey, guys.
ANGEL: Uh, hey, OJ, what's...
ANGEL: Um, Holst is shooting on a film camera,
ANGEL: Um, what do you see?
ANGEL: What?
ANGEL: Who the hell is that?
ANGEL: Yeah, well, I had my hands full
ANGEL: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
ANGEL: You never go wrong with a fried fish sandwich.
Animal wrangler and movie star all rolled into one,
ANNOUNCER (recorded): Welcome to the Star Lasso Experience,
ANNOUNCER: Now sit back, stay in your seats and enjoy
ANTLERS: Ah, shit.
ANTLERS: Angel, what's happening?
ANTLERS: Give me the lid. Give me the lid.
ANTLERS: Guess I'm talking to motion picture royalty, then.
ANTLERS: Listen, horse girl.
ANTLERS: Made her myself.
ANTLERS: So, how about this?
ANTLERS: That cloud ain't moved a goddamn inch.
ANTLERS: There's a wheelchair on your roof.
ANTLERS: Who's this?
ANTLERS: Yeah, hopefully not my lifetime.
ANTLERS: Yeah.
ANTLERS: You draw him out there.
Antlers.
Appreciate you.
Are you getting this?
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Are you serious?
As possibly having played a part. We're obviously...
As the only Black owned horse trainers in Hollywood,
Ask Siegfried and Roy.
Asking how my service was.
Assembly of photographs in sequential order
At least since I set the cameras up.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
Bang! Yes, a good boy.
Bang.
Bang.
Because we share a love of the aurora borealis, Gordy.
Beethoven.
Big dumbass, probably. (chuckles)
Bit goes like this.
Boom. Power went out.
Brand new live show we have coming up here at the park,
Bro, I ain't never seen no shit like this.
BUSTER: Fynn, this is OJ, our horse trainer.
BUSTER: Get makeup for Ms. Bonnie Clayton, please.
BUSTER: Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Bonnie Clayton on set.
BUSTER: OJ.
BUSTER: Okay.
BUSTER: Yeah, we'll rehearse one first,
BUSTER: Your team's not here.
But anything with a spirit can get broke.
But at the end of the day, you got to...
But didn't come back as expected that night.
But does anybody know the name of the Black jockey
But don't worry, there'll be others.
But every time Gordy hears something about the jungle,
But first, how about another round of applause
But first, my boys are gonna come out
But I thought that she was the one, you know?
But the moment about to pass.
But the outages affect the power in the battery shit, too,
But then Pops got some Western, and...
But we should be covered with the film camera.
But you did, ****a.
But you had said "hold," so...
But, I mean, like, can I get fun OJ out this bitch?
But, of course, the star of the sketch
By an alien species I call "the Viewers."
Call him Jean Jacket.
Camera B is down.
Camera B is down.
Camera B's pointed at the sky to catch
Can I help you?
Can you step away from the back, please?
Cell phones, they don't just drop in power. Right?
Cheri Oteri as Mary Jo Elliot.
Classic Otis Senior.
Come back again.
Come back again.
Come back again.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on! (grunts)
Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Come on, man. The little guys with the big eyes.
Come on, now.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Help a ****a out!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come out, come out, wherever you are. (chuckles)
Come up here with a non electrical camera?
Contact me, OJ or your second in chain of command.
Cool, cryptic.
Cool.
Could be a faulty battery.
Could've been better.
Couldn't figure it out. Over.
Couldn't really see 'em, though.
Crews started searching yesterday morning...
Damn. Did not realize you guys were this far out.
Darrell Hammond as Tom.
Descend through the mist.
Details, you know?
Did you get the shot or didn't you? Over.
Did you guys find everything you're looking for today?
Didn't I tell you this motherfucker was gonna
DIRECTOR: That's all right. Pick it up from there.
Do you guys see that?
Do you know they don't call 'em UFOs anymore?
Do you see it?
Do you... do you see, like, lights or anything?
Documentary.
Don't look. Don't look.
Don't look. Don't look.
Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.
Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.
Don't promote your fucking side shit on the job.
Don't worry about it. You need anything?
Down, down, down.
Down, down.
Drink.
Due to an accident on the southbound 101.
Either they're intergalactic travelers looking for peace
Emerald, can you please get the bug off the thing?
EMERALD: All right. Shot's up, then.
EMERALD: Are you okay?!
EMERALD: Basically, you forgot about it. Over.
EMERALD: Go!
EMERALD: Goddamn.
EMERALD: Guys, OJ's hooded up.
EMERALD: Hey, yo!
EMERALD: Hey!
EMERALD: Hmm.
EMERALD: Holst. Wait. Hold on, man.
EMERALD: I don't know what you're doing here, but...
EMERALD: Let's go.
EMERALD: Man, I'm trying to tell you.
EMERALD: No, thank you.
EMERALD: No!
EMERALD: Oh, damn.
EMERALD: OJ.
EMERALD: Okay. No, OJ, no. No!
EMERALD: Shit.
EMERALD: Supposed to be my first horse, actually.
EMERALD: This is what I do. I don't go to your job
EMERALD: Time to wake up the family.
EMERALD: We still rolling? Over.
EMERALD: We're setting up a decoy!
EMERALD: Well, look at that.
EMERALD: What happened to Gold Rush?
EMERALD: What happened?
EMERALD: What you mean, OJ?
EMERALD: What you mean, you couldn't figure it out?
EMERALD: What? Really?
EMERALD: Yeah, horse boy.
EMERALD: Yeah, my bad. We good, man.
EMERALD: Yeah.
EMERALD: You see it? The power?
Ended up using camels anyways, so...
Every day for the last six months.
Everyone's trying to celebrate Gordy's birthday,
Exactly.
Feeling good?
Feeling good.
Fellas, here it comes. Over.
Fine.
First of all, that's not my side shit. This is.
Five stars, Angel. Five stars.
For a Verizon commercial,
For horse training!
For my Amber?
For photographic evidence of UFOs and shit.
For the fog, but I swear
For the L.A. County coast and valleys
For the love of fuck, talk to me, please!
For the upcoming friends and family preview.
Forget it! Come on!
Free of charge.
Friday! At 5:00 p.m.!
Fuck it. I call top hat.
Fuck, guys.
Fuck, we we can even save Earth.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck. (exhales)
Fuck. Great.
Fucking praying mantis.
FYNN: Great. And while that's spinning, can we get makeup?
FYNN: Hey, man, if she can't get near the back of the horse,
FYNN: Oh, where's VFX?
FYNN: OJ, she's... she's ready to do one.
FYNN: Okay, that was great.
Get it. Get it!
Get out of here!
Get the bug off the fucking thing!
Get your ice cold sarsaparilla.
Get your Jupe Jangle.
Ghost out there.
Ghost talking about, "I ain't listening.
Go on, take a picture at the well.
Go! Go!
Goddamn it.
Goddamn right we are.
Going 60 miles per hour hits an anti electric field
Going in the opposite direction?
Good call, OJ. Um, tell you what,
Good night, Mr. Storeman.
Good.
Gordy Kattan goes off.
Gordy's Home. Yeah, yeah.
Got stuck in its windpipe or something.
Got to keep our heads up out the clouds on this one.
Got you.
GRIZZ: Little louder, please. We cannot hear you in the back.
GRIZZ: Look, maybe it's just too soon, huh?
GRIZZ: Oh, all right. You got it.
Guys, this is OJ, our horse trainer.
Hah, hah, hah!
Hang tight.
Hasta la vista. Adios.
Haven't seen one of those in a minute.
He changed the industry.
He got caught up trying to tame a predator.
He is a force of nature.
He is killing on that stage.
He lost focus.
He offered to buy the ranch.
He was basically your neighbor, right?
He's big, he's bad,
He's doing the run. OJ's doing the run!
He's here, too.
He's just crushing it.
He's my second best horse, you know, uh...
Hello! How y'all doing?
Hello?
Her name was, uh, Rebecca Diaz.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here you go, Gordy. Happy birthday.
Hey, hey! Is everybody okay?
Hey, hey. We're in trouble.
Hey, Holst.
Hey, it's gone.
Hey, man, who you with?
Hey, where you going?
Hey, yeah. I'm Emerald Haywood.
Hey, yo, Em. Em!
Hey, you mind if we talk?
Hey!
Hey!
Hey.
Hey. I wanted to invite you to our...
Hi there.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. I can help you over here.
Hmm?
Hold on.
Holst just said some creepy, cryptic shit.
Holy shit!
Holy shit. It's real.
Horse girl, this dream you're chasing,
Horse people.
How about we send ol' Jean Jacket
How am I a liability?
How are you a lia...
How exactly do you enter an agreement with a fucking...
How exquisitely stupid is that?
How many you sold?
How many?
How you doing? This is my sister Em.
How you doing? You look pretty.
How'd you get the number?
Huh?
I actually wanted to, uh, lay some groundwork,
I ain't never heard a horse make.
I also want to give a special thanks to
I believe they trust me.
I bet it ain't gonna fuck with flags like that in a minute.
I can find a ride.
I can monitor the feeds remotely myself, if you want.
I can't just let that go.
I can't see it anymore, guys.
I direct, write, produce, act.
I distinctly remember...
I do a little... ♪ Singing on the side. ♪
I don't know if you've heard, but a terrible beast is about.
I don't like him.
I don't mind, though.
I don't think it eats you if you don't look it in the eye.
I get him.
I got mouths to feed.
I got that hobby weed, too, actually.
I got to get out this house.
I got to get up early anyway.
I got to go to the store and get something.
I guess some animals ain't fit to be trained.
I just was looking online, and I seen a lot of shit.
I know it's gonna sound fucking cliché, all right,
I know. Wait, I thought I told you not to watch our shit.
I mean, besides the money and fucking fame,
I mean, maybe your Wi Fi drops out
I mean, they pretty much nailed it better than I could.
I mean, we have proof of aliens on video. I...
I mean, we really put on a show,
I mean, you're really not gonna tell me
I need to get some shit.
I need to take my ass to bed.
I remember you and your brother.
I saw one the other day. That wasn't on Oprah.
I saw that that Navy clip.
I see...
I set it up so if the power goes down on camera A,
I starred in in '96 after Kid Sheriff blew up.
I think my sister's gonna be here in a minute.
I think... I think he might need a break.
I told his ass not to go.
I was just talking to my therapist about this
I was right.
I was supposed to get to train Jean Jacket.
I was telling her that, for my ninth birthday,
I went back and scrubbed through the footage,
I'd come over to wrangle a chestnut horse named Trigger.
I'll be back.
I'll get him out.
I'll get the shot.
I'll kill you.
I'm a get Lucky.
I'm a take you to Oprah. I'm a take you to Oprah.
I'm about to serve to ten of my closest friends, so...
I'm developing a business relationship,
I'm going dark. Over.
I'm going. Fuck this shit.
I'm gonna get 'em back.
I'm gonna get you, you motherfucker.
I'm good.
I'm here in Agua Dulce, California,
I'm here.
I'm not trained. I do whatever the fuck I want."
I'm scared.
I'm so sorry about that. Let me do that.
I'm sorry, y'all. I'm sorry.
I'm telling you, man, we don't need a lot.
I've probably been looking at the same damn cloud
If they didn't, I don't think any of us
If you're looking for crafty.
In season two entitled, uh, "Gordy's Birthday."
In sequential order to make a motion picture
In that fucking cloud right there?
In the sky is not a new thing.
Is Chris goddamn Kattan as Gordy,
Is it a hard install?
Is really making me feel like I'm not loved.
Is set to resume this morning just outside Agua Dulce.
Is that how you want your little sister to feel?
Is this gonna take longer than an hour?
Is this, uh, Antlers Holst?
It ain't gonna matter.
It ain't worth it.
It ate them all.
It ate them, Em.
It does look like we were able to squeeze out, uh,
It is 7:44 with Bo and Ives.
It is a decoy for horse training.
It it's 'cause they want to keep us in the dark.
It was big.
It was fast.
It was illegal for you to...
It was Scorpion King, actually.
It wasn't a Western.
It wasn't dumb.
It's about the shit dreams is made of, baby.
It's alive, Em. It's an animal.
It's an animal.
It's been harassing villagers,
It's been this for three years.
It's closing time.
It's closing time.
It's closing time.
It's done.
It's fine.
It's fucking UAPs now.
It's gonna be all right, Angel.
It's gonna fuck you up.
It's good, but it ain't it. Ain't Oprah.
It's in the cloud. It's in the cloud.
It's legendary.
It's like that.
It's not a ship.
It's over.
It's over. We got it, y'all!
It's quite a doozy today.
It's shitty footage of exact proof
It's territorial, and it thinks
It's time to ride off into the sunset.
It's time to ride off into the sunset.
It's time to ride off into the sunset.
It's TMZ.
Jean Jacket wasn't mine no more.
Jean Jacket.
Join us Fridays at 5:30 p.m. for the brand spanking new
JUPE (over speakers, faintly): What if I...
JUPE (recorded, powering up): Cowboys and cowgirls,
JUPE (recorded): Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
JUPE (recorded): Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
JUPE: Actually, OJ,
JUPE: All right. My little satellites:
JUPE: Hey there!
JUPE: How's everyone feeling today?
JUPE: Sure thing!
JUPE: Ta da.
JUPE: That's the first exploding fist bump.
JUPE: Totally.
JUPE: Um, so...
JUPE: You know, Gordy, all things considered,
Jupe's sons.
Jupiter's Claim Star Lasso Experience.
Jupiter's Claim?
Just a little heads up.
Just calling to tell you that there is a bug on camera A.
Just drifted off into space and exploded.
Just got out of a four year relationship.
Just hit his limit.
Just leave, OJ.
Just outside of Jupiter's Claim,
Just really took off.
Just ring the dinner bell.
Just tarping up, just to be safe.
Just, you tell her sorry.
Kill the music, please.
Know where I could find me a couple of big, strong fellas?
Known as Alistair E. Haywood,
Ladies and gentlemen, I kid you not.
Legendary cinematographer Antlers Holst over here...
Legendary shit.
Let Lucky out.
Let's do a quick safety meeting.
Let's go ahead and spin the horse.
Let's go to Oprah.
Let's go, boy!
Let's go!
Like Ancient fucking Aliens down.
Like cell phones.
Like Oprah, for example. After that, everybody want in.
Like, a a fucking saucer?
Like, read the room. (chuckles)
Like, we can save some lives.
Like, what we document, it's, uh...
Look different from what's out there.
Look, all I'm saying is all that shit online is fake.
Look, I I make a mean grilled cheese
Look, I've seen crazy weather phenomenons online before.
Low quality. Ain't nobody gonna get what we gonna get.
Lucky, come on, come on. Come on!
Lucky.
Lucky.
Lucky. (smacks lips)
Make a name for yourself.
MAKEUP ARTIST: They told me to come here.
MAN (in audience): What is that?
MAN (on radio): Good morning on what is
MAN (over speakers): Welcome to my tavern.
MAN 2 (on radio): And traffic is already backed up
MAN 2: We're set up, ready to go.
Man down? What? Where?
Man down.
Man, I don't know.
Man, I'm talking rich and famous for life.
MAN: (clears throat) OJ.
MAN: Excuse me.
MAN: Folks, this is Wally Pachenko
MAN: Let's go.
MAN: Look at this. I've never seen anything like it.
MAN: Okay, let's get in there and set up.
MAN: Seven just on scene Oh, my God.
MAN: Step on up for the wishing well.
MAN: We're ready.
MAN: Yeah, get a shot of her. Zoom in.
Many a glory seeking hunter has attempted to defeat it,
Mary Jo Elliott, everyone!
MARY JO: Here you go, Gordy.
Maybe my gift isn't so bad after all.
Maybe my gift isn't so bad after all.
Me.
Mid to late morning, you'll still want to keep...
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm. That's why they don't let you use chimps.
Mm, why not just set them free?
Motherfucker.
My camera! I need my camera!
My family and I have bore witness
My horse.
My little girl said, you know, I could crash at her place,
My name is Emerald, that's OJ,
My name is OJ. Uh...
My wife would know!
Nah, he's poking.
NESSIE: What happened to OJ?
Network tried to bury hit, but it was a spectacle.
New family live show!
****a, I didn't say Oprah. You said Oprah.
No doubt about that.
No electricity.
No, fuck it. I I'll tell you why
No, no, no, no, no, no. Shit.
No, no, no, no, no, thank you.
No, no, no, no, no. No, Gordy, no! No!
No, no, no.
No, nope. It's too much.
No, OJ. No.
No, st st stop. Can't we just wait, right?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. No.
Nobody fucks with Haywood, bitch!
Nobody want to talk about that.
Nobody!
Nobody.
Nope? I mean, the very first stuntman,
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope. Mm mm. Nope, I'm out.
Not much. Just stocking shit.
Now that I'm thinking about it, fuck Cyber Dominion.
Now, come on, help me out.
Now, did you know that the very first
Now, I could barely see my hand in front of my face
Now, I know you guys know Eadweard Muybridge,
Now, just to be clear, what we saw
Now, we land this... (chuckles)
Number one, please refrain from making any loud noises,
Of a local Western theme park are still unknown.
Of rain come through here,
Of videos of flying shit online.
OFFICER (on TV): Security cameras were off at the time.
Oh, come on. That ain't nothing.
Oh, fuck me.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. (panting)
Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Oh, fuck. There's no way that that guy's alive.
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God.
Oh, good!
Oh, it's back up.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no. You guys are doing something shady.
Oh, really? (chuckles)
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, this?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Great.
Oh. Hi, horsie.
Oh. No apology necessary.
Oh. Sorry. My...
OJ, come on.
OJ, have I shown you this?
OJ, what's this about, man?
OJ, you said you heard about that?
OJ: ...you know people gonna come
OJ: And we ain't got a lot of time.
OJ: Don't be cute. Stick to the plan. Say it!
OJ: Em?
OJ: Every animal got rules.
OJ: Get the bike!
OJ: Gold Rush went bankrupt.
OJ: He ain't gonna fuck with you.
OJ: Hey, hey, hey. Don't look him in the eyes, please.
OJ: Hey.
OJ: I got some work I got to do.
OJ: I've been up under it a couple times now.
OJ: It doesn't move like a ship.
OJ: Last dancer, deep in the gulch.
OJ: Listen, listen, we we got to get you out of here.
OJ: Lucky.
OJ: Mm hmm.
OJ: Mm hmm.
OJ: Mm.
OJ: Mm.
OJ: No, man.
OJ: No, no. There's not enough time.
OJ: Now, we know what it doesn't like.
OJ: Oh, uh...
OJ: Pops.
OJ: Uh, I'm gonna need like five...
OJ: We're not the reason it settled down here.
OJ: Well, let 'em come.
OJ: What if it's not a ship?
OJ: What'd I tell you about that, man?
OJ: What's a bad miracle?
OJ: Yeah, now you mention it,
OJ: You know I'm broke, right?
OJ! It's in the cloud!
OJ.
OJ. OJ!
Okay, it's still on.
Okay, OJ, if you die trying to save that guy,
Okay, or maybe you're in a UFO hot spot. (chuckles)
Okay, shut up. Look.
Okay, so... so what is that?
Okay, uh, tell me when you see it.
Okay, up. Up, up.
Okay, you fucking praying mantis.
Okay, your reflexes are still quick. Like, whoa.
Okay!
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Angel?

Viral
Funny