Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead Edit

A rab?

A caring, loving member of this extended family

A Japanese import slammed into us on I 90, Arbie.

A man just died in there!

A man support you in the emotional way,

A man to complete you. A

A man to drive you. A man to inspire you.

A man to love and to respect you.

A stupid, smelly, jerk face who has no respect for other people's feelings

Aaa Mmm.

Aaa!

Aaa! Wha!

Aaaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah! Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah! It must be the beer talkin' Yeah! Yeah.

Aaah! What? Wendy?

Aaah! ( SPLASH )

Aaah! Ah, ah, Aaah! Aaah!

Aaah! Arbie!

Aaah! No!

Aaah! Oh my balls!

Aaah! Ow!

Aaah! Waah! Aaah!...

Aaahh!

Aaahh!

Aaaw wo wo aah!

Aah! Aaah!

Aaugh!

Absolutely! Heck, no one's been out here

Ach! God! Gross! I need a napkin.

Ach! Phwee!

Achhh Oh!

Actually Arbie, he's a grinder.

After all, how else could I get a name for myself?

After all, isn't Mecca over there?

After they graduate,

Ah

Ah

Ah

Ah dude, look at those girls making out in protest over there!

Ah ew!

Ah one, and ah two, and ah three!

Ah Uuu!

Ah, Dicky! Humus!

Ah, ha, haah!

Ah, hell, Arbie, that wasn't a scream,

Ah, hush now, sweet Wendy. I forgive you!

Ah, Jacob Marinsky co discovered promethium, element 61,

Ah, mmm hmmm hmmm!

Ah, stand behind me, children,

Ah, sweet little Wendy, you can be so naive!

Ah, thanks Wendy, that's what the guys on the basketball team say.

Ah!

Ah! Aaah! Aaaah!

Ah! Ah! ( SQUIRT )

Ah! Arbie, I was a fool ever to leave you!

Ah! Uh! Ugh!

Ah! В¶ ( ARABIC CHANT BEGINS )

Ah?

Ah. Mmm.

Aha!

Ahh!

Al Jazeera.

Alcohol, Arbie, alcohol!

Alcohol!

All I need is for those Hippies out there to find out

All I see are a bunch of white people in Tevas!

All I want to do is provide for these poor, hungry, souls.

All of these fried chicken wings that I'm serving

All right now,

All right... OK... Relax!

All the way to its tail feathers.

America isn't ready to accept a gay Mexican, chicken sandwich!

America!

American Chicken Bunker will pay him for the full day. ( LAUGHS)

American Chicken Bunker's Empire is sure to grow and grow!

Ample accommodations

And 1!

And a lot more noses are going to get flattened around here

And a symbolic end to corporate greed!

And ah, for the record:

And all that free media coverage you got me,

And always remember:

And become President and CEO

And by sticking together,

And counter girl!

And Dad got blind and

And don't hold back on the protein gravy.

And don't you even think of skimpin'

And dumps the best thing she ever had for some phony, butch, hose bag lesbian fool!

And fast food franchise is my game!

And for God's sakes, keep your yap shut!

And get to it!

And go and put them with the breakfast foods.

And go back to your lesbionic ways!

And harmless bedroom activity.

And he was like: "Alcohol,"

And he was trying to tell me

And I accuse you of being a fucking drunk,

And I think you should come with me,

And I'd be angry too, if I hadn't eaten yet either.

And I've learned that...

And if this place tanks, well then, I'll be workin fast food

And is trying to kill Wendy right now! ( WENDY SCREAMING IN BACKGROUND )

And let's slap together three racks of Sloppy Pacos!

And look at you two now.

And look!

And marvel at the power of the Christ!

And my one true love

And now the most important part...

And Paco, would you take those mysterious, pulsating, vein covered eggs

And please substitute the cola with a Cluck Work Orange.

And prayed that the chickens didn't see us.

And replaced it with another one of those fast food restaurants.

And replacing our purple mountain majesties

And so he sent the Black Man in to clean up his mess, Arbie!

And so that's when me and Larry, that was the guy who was ridin' with me,

And support my family

And the billions of chickens sent to the concentration coops.

And the only way to stop them

And this not a sodomy thing.

And those of you who aren't infected,

And who put these mysterious,

And you kept the weight off!

And you!

And you.

Another 13 years and I'll have enough money

Any second now!

Anyway,

Aoh!

Arbie, College is all about

Arbie, I don't mean to complain,

Arbie, I don't... feel so... good. ( FARTS )

Arbie, look!

Arbie, We can't leave the little crippled girl here to die.

Arbie, we're trapped. We're dead!

Arbie, what's up?

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie!

Arbie! Arbie!

Arbie! How dare you let that priest nibble on my cock!

Arbie! Take me!

Arbie.

Arbie.

Arbie... it's dead.

Are you sure it's safe to be out here, all alone in the middle of the night?

Are you sure you want to do this?

Are you upset about the restaurant?

Are you working here, just to upset me?

Aren't they all?

Aren't you the guy that lost all that weight

Arm b dexterous or something!

As soon as someone dies, you forget about Old Arbie

As soon as the Indians were tricked

At $ 3.50 an hour!

At American Chicken Bunker and

At earning enough money to one day own my own franchise.

At least I'm man enough to have a job

At least with the Demon Chicken,

Augh!

Augh!

Augh!

Augh! Augh! ( FARTS )

Auu!

Aw, that's excellent dude! You're a total life saver!

Awesome!

Ay Yahh!

B B B BUT Carl Junior!

Baby Baby hungry! Baby hungry! Baby hungry! Oh, Baby hungry?

Baby Killer! Uff!

Baby like! Baby like!

Bathroom? ( FARTS ) Where? ( FARTS )

Bbbh!

Be careful!

Because they are for lovers!

Because you're doin' it!

Because, Big Mitch has got a big tool!

Been here ever since.

Beer!

Beggin' for help. Hm.

Besides France, Canada,

Besides the fact that I had the social skills and mental skills of a

Bhuh? Huh?

Bit of acid reflux. I just

Black, like a a sex doll!

Booya Bia tch! Ha, Ha, Ha, Hah!

Both.

Broadening your horizons and experimentation.

Bucaw!

Built on this ancient Tromaville

Burial ground.

Burstin' and um...

But but here you are, just bumpin' tacos!

But but, I am gonna die! Ah, ah, aaah!

But don't you worry,

But how? This place is 50% glass!

But I ain't no submarine!

But I don't mind.

But I just want you to know that:

But Mom, Mom was a retard

But only the strong shall keep American Chicken Bunker runnin'

But Sir, he'll die!

But that strange clucking sound is very distracting!

But the place sparkles again.

But there's a severed penis in me Sloppy JosГ©.

But we're on a roll!

But, they wouldn't attack a fellow bird.

But!

But... now she's a lesbian.

Bwa? Augh?

Bwaah!

By attacking the General,

By building a ACB on sacred ground,

By fucking him to death with a mop? Huuh?

By masturbating in this food

By staring it down from its beak,

By the power of Allah:

C

Can get us multi million dollar settlements!

Can rise above his humble up bringing

Can you at least pray facing that way.

Can you hear me? ( YELLING ): Can you hear me?

Carl Junior, are you all right?

Carl Junior, it's me, Arbie.

Carpet munching...

Ch, ch, ch, Chia, motherfuckers!

Ch, ch, ch, Chiaaa!

Chicken flavored food stuffs!

Chicken slash Native American menace!

Chickens, that's all.

Chickens!

Clenchin' their mud flaps closed.

Cluck. ( SCREECHING )

Cock a doodle doo! Aahh...

Come off,

Come on in!

Come on, you bastard! Arbie!

Come on! I know your type!

Cool!

Could be so beautiful and pure!

Couldn't afford a pager.

Counter girl?

Countless...

Crashing through the back door!

Czech Republic, and Outer Mongolia

Daagh!

Daddy didn't mean to hurt you.

Damn it! We need action before they turn the glass into lesbians!

Dead and frozen for weeks

Dead, partially thawed, uncooked chicken carcasses.

Dead, Red Men.

Demon!

Denny!

Denny's the name

Denny's.

Destroy America?

Didn't have cell phones back then, and well, ah,

Didn't see the first chicken for about, half hour.

Die, mother fuckers! ( ULULATES )

Die, You Zombie Bastard!

Dinner! ( LAUGHS )

Displaced Native Americans

Do it, General! ( ALL ): Huh?

Do you hear something?

Do you hear this?

Do you remember when I asked the Carl Junior zombie

Don't be afraid little Katie, we won't let anything bad happen to you.

Don't worry buddy, we're going to get you to a hospital and fix you up real good.

Don't worry, Arbie.

Don't you worry now!

Drop that rectum.

Duh!

Dying a terrible death sound?

Easy with the teeth!

Easy, easy with the teeth!

Eat up everybody!

Eat up everybody!

Eating those fast food hero sandwiches?

Ech! Listen, Arbie

Eeeh! Aahhh! Oh! ( THUD ) Ah! Aaah!

Eeew!

Egh?

Eh eh, get back to work everybody, he's fine!

Eh heh hehh!

Eh!

Eleven hundred feathers went out onto the road.

Even if it was just a

Even if that man you chose, was a woman!

Even though I'll be surrounded by spoiled trust fund kids

Every leg, every thigh,

Everyone here will realize that it is wrong

Everyone knows Native Americans are fucking drunks.

Everyone knows there's no such thing as Jesus.

Ewh! Augh!

F

Filthy little slut chicken mind!

Filthy,

Fine, be an asshole!

Fine.

First, tell me how to kill them and then I'll give you a drink.

Follow me!

For instance:

For the evil devil worshiping maggot conglomerates

For your displaced,

Free range, white meat reservation coops.

Fried artery clogging flesh!

From my people's land immediately!

Fuck you all!

Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you!

FUCK!

Fucker, faggot, you die! Eeeh!

Full of hopes and dreams, until...

Gather up all this meat

General, I reckon I don't know what's goin' on round yonder, Sir.

General, who did this to you?

General!

Get a degree.

Get get out of my belly!

Get it off!

Get off my girlfriend,

Get off your ass and go on and get some more chicken!

Get out of my way!

Get out while you still can! Get out!

Get out!

Get over here with them matches!

Girls, they are so fucking fickle!

Give me a job!

Give me head, right now!

Give me one more minute, okay, just one more minute.

Give me that!

Go Arbie, you and Wendy must go on.

God Dammit!

God Damn my crank, I can't get it out of my

God Damned Honkies!

God save us! God save us all!

God, do you hear this? "No, no dear God, please No!"

Good gravy!

Good Mornin' Tromaville!

Gosh, Arbie, you're the best dry humper in school!

Grab these chicken buckets and follow me!

Grade 'A' bird.

Gravy!

Great thinking, Wendy!

Guys, guys, this is is an egg here, it's not Katie.

Guys, I need you to 'pork a chicken'

Guys! Guys!

Ha ha ha ha! Look at Barry Bonds now!

Ha Ha Ha!

Ha ha!

Ha, Ha, I know Arbie.

Ha, Haa. Aaaahhhh! ( SPLAT )

Ha, I'd be ruined boy!

Ha! See where affirmative action gets ya!

Haah!

Had to support 'em.

Hah!

Hah!

Hail Satan? No! God damn it, you need some soul!

Hallowed be thy name...

Have ever discovered promethium, element 61,

Havin' a diaper fetish is a completely...

He bit off my nose, not my ears!

He has something in his hand!

He just disappeared!

He might try and serve you some

He was drunk and couldn't form a coherent sentence.

He's Dangerous!

He's going to blow!

He's turned into a 'Blackened Cajun' chicken!

Heads up back there, everybody.

Heads up, Humus!

Heah!

Healthy...

Heh, heh, heh, heh

Heh, heh, heh, heh!

Heh, heh, heh!

Heh, heh! Heh. Heh. Heh.

Heh!

Heh. Hnh.

Help Me! Oh God!

Help, help me!

Help! Help!

Here Carl Junior, have some of your whiskey.

Here comes the heat seeking moisture missile!

Here this will help you relax.

Hey Denny,

Hey Father O'Houlihan, back for seconds?

Hey General, what are these tiny little bumps all over my chicken? ( SQUIRT / POP )

Hey Junior!

Hey man, Did you hear that

Hey, Brendan!

Hey, Denny!

Hey, Denny! What?

Hey, enough of these sandwich jokes

Hey, hey! Where's Paco?

Hey, what the hell happened to the

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! What happened to the ancient

HEY! Who's tellin' this story schmuck?

Hhheeh

Hi, Arbie!

High pitched...

Hippies? Protest signs?

Hit it!

Hm mm mmuh Mmm Mmm!

Hm! That reminds me,

Hmh!

Hmm ah!

Hmm... hmm

Hnh?

Ho! Ho! Whoa!

Hold it down everybody, now, hold it down!

Hold it! ( SQUISH )

Holy liability he's alive!

Holy Mother of God! Humus so you're hot!

Holy shit an ax!

Holy Shit! Is that you, Paco?

Homo Mexican.

Honey! It's it's not what it looks like!

How could I ever love someone

How did you do it?

How do I get you off?

How do you explain this? ( PROLONGED RETCHING )

How to kill the monsters,

How we make The General's Secret 2 Herb Chicken.

Huh!

Huh!

Huh!

HUH!

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh? Huwweh

Huh? What the Huh? Huum? Huh?

Huh.

Huh. Ah.

Human? Yes.

Humus did it! She martyred herself to eradicate the

Humus didn't you die?

Humus, see if you can find his rectum. I think it's over by the grill somewhere.

Humus! Ehh!

Hyuh! Watch, everyone, look at her!

I I can't afford to get cramps. Heh, heh, heh

I I got to my car, and then then

I I'm Arbie.

I ain't doin' this shit this time!

I am a a girl, for Christ's sake!

I am a high school graduate

I am Che Guevara, Martin Sheen, and Janeane Garofalo

I am doing this because I am a freedom fighter. ( SHE GASPS )

I am waking up the world!

I appreciate that. Thank you.

I believe the ninja.

I brought our old butt plug!

I can be that woman. I could

I can hear America singing!

I can't stand to watch this.

I decided to follow the money.

I did it! I killed them!

I do not know, You just look like a dick.

I don't want things to be weird.

I doubt that!

I eat at least one every day.

I got it all mapped out!

I got to get off this toilet! Aaaah!

I gotta shit I

I guess he couldn't handle Mexican!

I had a girlfriend named Wendy!

I had no drive, no ambition;

I hate the skin!

I have a whole stash of them here.

I have the power! ( ECHOING )

I have to serve the priest a penis free Sloppy JosГ©!

I haven't met you yet, this is my first day here.

I hear ya' dog! But there is the off chance that Micki has turned into a demon

I just had it installed today. ( LAUGHS )

I just want to explode! ( ALL SHRIEK )

I just want to fuck you!

I keep them hidden here with the children's promotional items.

I kill myself so that democracy can survive!

I knew it!

I knew we should have invested in Google!

I know and loved!

I know it's fattening... but I love the skin! (CHUCKLING )

I know somewhere deep within the bowels of this creature you've become,

I know this old pervert free graveyard in New England,

I know, Wendy.

I lead a shitty life!

I may like to be filled with semen,

I mean,

I mean,

I mean, how am I supposed to take care of 'em,

I mean, how could you leave me for Sappho B. Anthony out there?

I mean, that's their one true weakness.

I mean, the future of this country is branding and franchising and

I mean, we're still going to have to work together afterwards and all and

I need to get a tampon.

I promise!

I put an end to the tyranny of American Chicken Bunker

I realize now why you left me.

I saw a bad chicken once.

I say we fight!

I swear, sometimes I get so angry,

I tried, almost made it.

I used my parent's disabilities as, ah, an excuse to avoid college,

I want to fuck your fanny! I want to fuck

I was an A.C.B. counter girl for 25 years,

I was goin' to pull out! ( CLUCKING )

I was going to go to college,

I was gonna be an alienated employee

I was just thinking about the poor

I was young once.

I was, um

I will choke the chicken! I'm gonna choke the chicken!

I will get you off!

I will not be ignored!

I wish I was a princess.

I, um, hope you enjoy our new, ah,

I'll be right back. No!

I'll be with you in just a minute, I, ohhh!

I'll beat you off!

I'll believe in the supernatural when I see it, Talking Sandwich!

I'll go and get your skirt.

I'll go get it for you.

I'll have a

I'll show you...

I'll stay true to you.

I'll tell you what those muckraking anti fast food documentaries see:

I'm a... I'm doing the same thing!

I'm exhausted!

I'm gay, Arbie.

I'm going back to talk with the Demon Chicken.

I'm going home.

I'm going to kill you all!

I'm going to suck it up, and I'm going to be there for her.

I'm kind of leanin' towards the former.

I'm leavin'. Shit!

I'm lovin' it!

I'm mean give it up Wendy. Micki is dead!

I'm not ditching you, Arbie.

I'm skinny! I'm skinny!

I'm sorry, Arbie, but

I'm you! You dumb prick! Don't you get it?

I've always been here.

I've been waitin' for this moment for a long time now. General, I'd like to say

I've decided to stop living a lie.

I've got bitch titties!

I've got it!

I've just been running away for my own insecurities.

If I'm off somewhere getting smart?

If it helps.

If it wasn't for experimentation?

If it's not the **** or or the Americans,

If this travesty isn't removed

If you do take me to a doctor,

If you fail, the virus will spread.

If you love what you eatin' here, you ain't ate nothin' yet!

If you shit up a bathroom this bad, Arbie?

If you think free chicken will win us over,

If your food is so delicious and nutritious, General,

Illiterate,

In Oakridge, Tennessee.

In our flip flops!

In this topsy turvy world.

Inbred trailer trash

Innocent...

Into becoming addicted to the white man's fermented beverages,

Is a left wing lipstick lesbo liberal.

Is fresh, tasty and ( DIARRHEA )

Is healthy and served fresh daily! ( LAUGHS )

Is it normal for chickens that have been

Is this what you're looking for?

Isn't that right little girl?

It it drives me nuts!

It just felt so good!

It spelled disaster for these proud, proud people.

It took me to turn Wendy into a full blown lesbian!

It was the chicken!

It wasn't me!

It'll loosen ya' up!

It'll never change me! Uh ha.

It's a a pleasure to meet you sir.

It's all about moderation my boy.

It's Ariel Sharon! Oh!

It's better than fine!

It's delicious!

It's delicious! ( LAUGHS )

It's got 'Dead' eyes.

It's Humus.

It's it's you're ditching me for college.

It's not Hamas!

It's one of our beautiful 'counter girls'

It's over there.

It's the 'Angry Chicano' spirit!

Jambalaya! Crawdaddy! Po' boy! Gumbo God dammit!

Jared, are you all right?

Jared, right?

Judge not, lest you be judged yourself!

Just a little nickname we have here at ACB.

Just just tryin' to make his way

Just lay back and let death

Just like you people.

Just like you'll be!

Just listen.

Just look at the atrocities American Chicken Bunker

K ed

Katie?

Killed?

La revoluciГіn is cuming!

Let your love blossom.

Let's get you out of this ridiculous, Colonel Cluck getup!

Let's go people! This place has got to work.

Let's go!

Like all of you jack offs!

Like Harriet Tubman said, 'Let them eat fried chicken!' (LAUGHS )

Like the country!

Like the dip, Humus!

Like your nose!

Lives the soul of the beautiful

Look kid, don't waste your whole life here like I did!

Look out! Whoah! Whoa! Stand back! Stand back!

Look, sir, you can't be serious.

Lookin' to take a bite out of your tight, tasty ass.

Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker!

Mad to give away chicken this good!

Make a wish.

Make sure he ain't no 'Jew Bastard. '

Market tested corporate mascot

May Allah bless America! ( BEEPING INTENSIFIES )

Maybe by pointing my finger at the corporate elite and special interest groups

Mazel Tov! Ha Ha Ha Haah!

Metaphorically speaking of course!

Micki, are you crazy?

Micki, how could you?

Micki!

Micki? Oh yes, baby likes it!

Mm, mm, mmmh!

Mmh. Mm. Ah!

Mmm!

Mmm! Ah!

Mmm?

Mmm. Mmha! Mmha! Mmha!

Mmmh! Mmmh!

Mmmh? If we make it through this, I want you to know that

Mmmh.

Mommy! ( CRYING )

Motha' Fucker!

Move it fatty! Whoa!

Movin' on:

My balls!

My daughter is missing; my Katy, my little one, she's only five.

My dick!

My dick!

My franchise! My Grandmamma Rose's savings.

My grandmamma is goin' to be so mad!

My life, it it sucks!

My nose! He's still alive!

My parents are retards,

My people!

My soccer leg!

My water aerobics class in about a half hour, heh!

Nah, he's just loaded. Let's go home!

Never, ever, leave your register!

******, please.

No

No distress signal had been sent.

No more dead end jobs for Arbie.

No time to explain.

No you moron,

No, I am! ( LAUGHS )

No, I I just remembered I I got my, ah,

No, it's not the bra,

No, no, I was just trying to help him!

No, no, no. Take it easy!

No, please no! ( SQUAWKINGLY): Kiss me!

No, that's how he died; he's a sub.

No, wait, wait, wait. No, wait!

No, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait!

No, Wendy wait, Wendy!

No!

No! Get off of me!

No! No, there must be another way!

No. No. No! I don't think you want to serve that Sloppy JosГ©, General!

Nobody knew we was out on I 90 that night,

Normal...

Not by becoming a lesbian in college!

Not on my fuckin' face!

Not the financial way, just to make that clear.

Not war.

Now Dopey!

Now eat my meat,

Now if this was that faggot ass Paco Bell,

Now is not the time!

Now Paco Bell, show Arbie here

Now scoop me off of this bun and give me a proper burial.

Now there is some bad shit heading your way, Honey.

Now this is just a temporary situation,

Now we finish it!

Now you get me that low fat, sausage flavored, chicken meal

Now you take this mother fuckin' mop

Now, Arbie, this here is our new cook.

Now, Dewey That's Denny!

Now, ho ho! Settle down there young man!

Now, I'll be watching you...

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Now, The reason I think this is

Now, what Hollywood Scientologist actor is gay?

Now, with all those local nut jobs appeased

Now, y'all been out here for hours,

Now!

NOW!

Of a legend different from my own,

Of chicken and Indians,