Submarine Edit

A gauntlet, so to speak.

A girl with the exact same frame and the exact same hair.

A key sign of one of his downturns.

A lot to take in.

A playground bedecked with flowers.

A renegade,

A shell on which a decrepit picture show

A solitary samurai.

A testimony to the love felt for Oliver Tate

Aargh!

Absolutely.

Actually, I'll see you tomorrow, OK.

Actually, my mum's not well at the moment.

After his dismissal, he spent several days in bed,

After that, I started slipping choice phrases into our conversation.

All men do, unless you're gay. Are you gay?

All right there, buddy? Great.

All right, take your time.

All right, well...

All right, whose note is that?

All right.

All the girls liked him.

Also, I think you should know, I've found someone else.

An opportunity for self discovery.

And admit that you're in fact a gaylord.

And by being in balance with the colours around them,

And Dad didn't feel emotionally ready.

And does Mum mind?

And er...it was very effective, actually.

And I could relax around it and be in it.

And I could see why someone like her would go for someone like him.

And I didn't want to look weak or things to change.

And I look traumatised and say...

And I want you to know we really appreciate you trying to help.

And if it's OK with everyone, that's the last we'll say about it.

And if you asked any intelligent bloody writer,

And in her youth even dreamed of being an actress.

And in the Top Trumps of parental problems,

And introduced a segment called Mysteries Of The Deep.

And Jordana's a slut.

And let them do their business,

And listen, I made you a cassette recording.

And my parents' marriage started falling apart.

And never knew quite what to do with his hands.

And no one can do a thing about it.

And one boy even pushed her into a pond.

And she asks, "Do I know you?"

And she'll admire the scenery and she'll buy soup for homeless people.

And she'll never burn my leg here again.

And swim inside me in a tiny submersible machine.

And taking gateway drugs in shopping malls.

And the loss felt by his friends...

And the spouts had turned mushy and out of focus.

And then get a towel and bloody dry yourself off, and go about your day.

And then resume my duties as the best boyfriend in the world.

And therefore capable of anything.

And this is Nietzsche, one of the most influential philosophers of modern time.

And this is The Catcher In The Rye, a great modern American novel.

And wait till the sky catches up with my mood.

And we're getting more and more intimate.

And when she turns around, I see her face is nothing like Jordana's.

And you can replace the stuff that was in your bag.

And, finally, my glorious resurrection.

And, frankly, by Wales on the whole.

And, if caught, they do become property of the Crown.

Any human who found themselves at that level,

Are salon fresh before impregnating them with a ninja love child.

Are you all right?

Are you all right? Come on.

Are you asking me to come round and have sex with you?

Are you coming?

Are you making this up?

Are you planning on getting dressed today?

Are you with us?

Aren't you angry?

As his shirt blossomed with blood poppies.

As in, I've got stuff to do. Busy.

As usual, Dad drops me 800 yards from school.

Awkward, of course.

Because Jordana's dog had just been hit by a train.

Because she's overweight and won't accept notes in class.

Because there's only two possible outcomes.

Because they've forgotten, right?

Before I answer that, I just want to check one thing.

Behind me a vigil that's been repeated all over the country,

Being fiddled with.

Blood.

Bring a Polaroid camera and a diary.

But did you prefer it long?

But he was an uneasy screen presence

But I figure you'll only probably believe me

But I just wanted you to know that I'm open to talking whenever you want.

But I really laughed. I thought it was very charming.

But if ever you have serious feelings

But in answer to your question,

But instead of looking embarrassed, he screamed with laughter and pointed.

But it probably won't matter when you're my age.

But it's been two months since Jordana last spoke to me.

But no fish could live down there.

But no human can.

But now I think of it, she did mention her hair the other day.

But once... I ripped my vest off in front of a woman

But there's something in it.

But this gauntlet is also an opportunity.

But we can learn from it. I've learned from it.

But we're going to talk about what you've done.

But what she meant was, yes.

But you know the rules. Up you come, read it out.

But your mother informs me that you have a girlfriend.

But, unless things improve,

Bye bye.

Bye.

Calling an unhealthy turd onto the tarmac.

Can hear within the ultrasonic frequency.

Can I have a word, please, in private, without him?

Can you just get off my shoulders?

Can you tell your mother to hurry up? I'll be waiting in the road.

Can you turn the tap off, please?

Cancer beats potential infidelity.

Candlelit vigils.

Catch. Straight into the hands.

Challenging one another's bourgeois assumptions of what was acceptable.

Cheap shit.

Cheers.

Chip said, if a girl won't get off with you on New Year's Eve,

Chips is an outstanding bully.

Chips knows there's nothing more attractive than a bully.

Close your eyes.

Come here.

Come on, gay boy, take back what you said about me!

Come on, up you get, sweetheart.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Just...

Confiding in Jordana was now impossible.

Cool.

Cos everything's fine with me.

Cos it seems very basic and banal but it's not. It's loaded.

Cos Mark Pritchard cheated on her with Abby Smuts at the school disco.

Could be Mum.

Could you tell her I called?

Dad, aren't you going to Graham's thing?

Dad, who would you save first in a house fire,

Dad...

Deal, yes?

Dear Jordana, thank you for letting me explore your perfect body.

Dear Oliver, I tried to tell you

Did she say she went into the van with his face on it?

Did she say what happened in the van with his face on it?

Discovery of the self.

Do I have to bring shorts?

Do not call them ninjas, Oliver. It's racist.

Do you actually pre prepare these lines?

Do you like my hair long?

Do you mind jumping in the back, here, Lloyd?

Do you often feel like this?

Do you still have a key?

Doing a job he finds difficult to explain

Doing what?

Don't ask how. Just know that I'm now more powerful than ever.

Don't be a dick, Mark. Just let him go.

Don't get cocky.

Don't let me down. OK?

Don't think you have to wait. It's cold.

Drinking hot lemon from the same mug and never washing it,

During a routine search of my parents' bedroom.

During another routine search of my parents' bedroom.

During some of my early formative relationships.

During this brief hiatus, I can help save my parents' marriage