A baby in a position of power.
A big lesson.
A little. I don't know.
A plus. Oh, boy, you are smart.
A real one.
A second chance.
A statue?
A very bad, bad baby.
A very wise person once told me,
Aah! Thank you for sharing.
Aah! You missed me!
Actually, I prioritize a good work life balance
Actually, there's no "U" in "team," either,
Adieu.
Adios, niños.
After all, the only thing holding your child back is...
After Tabitha sings her solo, right?
After Tabitha sings.
Ah, ah, ah. No, no, no.
Ah, I forgot to set Wizzie for daylight savings!
Ah. If you want something done right, do it yourself.
Ah. The elite.
Aha!
Ahoy!
All he cares about is work.
All of a sudden, he shows up with a pony.
All right, let's boogie.
All right, pep rally's over.
All right, you know what? You're going to baby jail.
All right. I'm afraid you can't disrupt class any longer.
All the pressure's on me, Pop.
All us. But my next app...
All your friends together, and we can rehearse together,
ALL: A failure!
ALL: Boo!
ALL: No!
Alone.
Also cute.
Always.
An infinite amount of monkeys banging on typewriters?
An older sister who could drive.
Ancient Greek.
And a positive environment where my ideas are valued.
And as a bonus, we stopped Armstrong, too.
And as for my baby brother, Ted,
And be good, Tina.
And buenos días.
And enjoy the show.
And eventually, you have to grow up.
And everybody else last.
And Hawaii.
And how would it fly?
And I couldn't have done it without my husband.
And I deal out every meal.
And I think you two are better together than you are apart.
And I'm a terrible father.
And it only lasts 48 teensy weensy hours.
And my telescope.
And now the moment we've all waited for!
And one, two, three and one, two, three.
And our first subject today is...
And report back to me.
And so is BabyCorp.
And that day is coming sooner than you think.
And then where's Tim?
And there'll be cake. Cake for everybody.
And turn it into participation trophies.
And what about Ted?
And what kind of thing is that, Flock of Seagulls?
And with my first step, I ran away from home.
And wreaked havoc on my circadian rhythms.
And yeah, Templeton, don't be late.
And yet, uh, annoying.
And you and I will always be brothers.
And you can see the notes.
And you don't even get paid.
And you got to say, "Yes, yes, yes!"
And you should always be nice to your brother.
And you wanted to take it all away.
And you, my pudgy protégé.
And, uh, restoring the closeness that we once felt.
And... the IRS.
Annyeonghaseyo.
Another day won't hurt, right?
Anytime.
Anyway...
Apps. They're writing apps.
Are the ultimate learning machines.
Are you focused?
Are you gonna let grown ups push you around?
Are you kidding me?
Are you okay?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Armstrong is using an app to brainwash the parents.
Armstrong wants to get rid of parents somehow.
ARMSTRONG: (LAUGHS) You'll see I'm right.
ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKER) Goodbye, children.
ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKERS) Welcome, children.
ARMSTRONG: Good morning.
ARMSTRONG: Happy B Day, everybody.
ARMSTRONG: Hello.
ARMSTRONG: How do you do there, fellas?
ARMSTRONG: Kudos for Tabitha.
ARMSTRONG: Next subject.
ARMSTRONG: Oh, that's a good question.
ARMSTRONG: Once again, Tabitha's on the board.
ARMSTRONG: That's correct.
ARMSTRONG: Voilà. Feel free.
ARMSTRONG: Welcome, parents, to our holiday pageant.
ARMSTRONG: Yay, yay, yay. (SIGHS)
ARMSTRONG: Yes. And you know what they say about having
Armstrong's turning the parents into zombies
As you can see, we've got a new colleague
Attention, babies. Bienvenue.
Attention, everyone.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
Auf Wiedersehen.
AUTOMATED VOICE: (DISTORTED) Your time has concluded.
AUTOMATED VOICE: If you would like to make a call,
AUTOMATED VOICE: It is time for recess.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Proceed on the current route.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Turn left.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Turn left. Proceed on the current route.
AUTOMATED VOICE: You've arrived at your destination.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Your time out begins now.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Your time out has concluded.
Aw, hey, Precious.
Aw, it's just... it's too bad that you're never gonna
Aw. It's full of babies.
Aw. You see that?
Awesome! Yeah!
Awesome.
B Day will happen, whether you like it or not.
B Day?
Babies only.
BABIES: (CHANTING) Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
BABIES: Ooh.
BABY 2: Cool.
BABY: (WHISPERS) Psst. Here you go.
BabyCorp has developed a new super duper baby formula
BabyCorp is more of what I call
BabyCorp wants to get the team back together, huh?
BabyCorp will take care of the rest.
Back in my day, we wrote memos.
Back in my day, you had to earn one of these babies.
Beat it!
Because I'll... Armstrong?
Because if there's one thing I've learned,
Because the hand acts as a... as a key.
Been so long since I've used silverware. (CHUCKLES)
Being creative and using your imagination...
Being in Yellow Level, did you?
Believe it or not, I used to be just like you.
Believe it or not, Jimbo is mayor now.
Best friends forever.
Beyond blue?
Beyond which the laws of physics break down?
Bienvenue.
Bingo.
Boom shakalaka.
Boom! Bam! Poo! Poof!
Both of you.
BOTH: I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.
BOTH: Yeehaw!
Boy, could I use a spy camera right about now.
Bring it on, Nathan.
Bring out the baby.
Buckle up, boys.
Buckle up, Templetons.
Bunch of cool jobs, really.
Business school, law school. None of them.
But a little smaller.
But a single word changed my life.
But after a while, you... you just stop trying.
But all that was about to change.
But being a dad is the coolest job in the world.
But Dr. Armstrong is a baby.
But every once in a while, you get a second chance.
But family sure does.
But how do you afford all this?
But I will say it was never business.
But I'm trying to do my homework,
But it's hard for me.
But luckily, you get a do over.
But my next app...
But not anymore.
But only when we weren't looking.
But please enjoy this
But teamwork doesn't seem work.
But the point is you have to grow up sometime.
But these little doodads will let you
But we already have a Christmas tree.
But we're trying to brainstorm here.
But you can, Tim. You can.
But you can't turn back time, can you?
But you know what? Your dad didn't mind.
But you made a family.
But you two never see each other.
But you're a great dad.
But, BabyCorp, I...
But, Tim, your parents are coming tomorrow.
But, Uncle Ted, I missed you so much.
Butt dialed?
Can anyone tell me the horsepower of a 302 engine?
Can I give you a hand?
Can you vote yet?
Can't sit here.
Carbon, boron, beryllium, lithium, helium, hydrogen.
CAROL: Because you're young and strong, honey.
CAROL: Don't you want him to come?
CAROL: Good night, sweetie.
CAROL: Hey, what's the matter?
CAROL: Honey, hold it up. Hold it up.
CAROL: Now, you're gonna wake up tomorrow
CAROL: Oh, look, look. There she is.
CAROL: Oh, sweetie, don't worry.
CAROL: That's so sweet.
CAROL: Tim! You actually made it.
CAROL: Time to go buy a Christmas tree.
CAROL: What has gotten into you?
CAROL: What? Don't you want him to come?
CAROL: Where are you guys?
CAROL: Where are you?
CAROL: Whoo! Daddy o Andretti!
Cheers to the revolution.
CHILD: (ON PHONE) Tina, we have another assignment for you.
CHILD: All operators are currently napping.
Childhood was the worst three years of my life.
Children can be so cruel.
Claiming to be the world's best dad.
Climb that corporate ladder
Closer still.
Closer.
Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!
Come back here, you. (CHUCKLES)
Come back!
Come closer.
Come in. Where are you?
Come on, everybody.
Come on, this is the candy volcano of doom!
Come on, Tim.
Come on. Let's try.
Come on. We're gonna be late for... Oh!
Come on. You can do it.
Cool dad. (GRUNTS)
Could you let me through, please?
CREEPY GIRL: Where'd I go?
Cut to our pizza party.
Cute kid.
Dad, help me!
Dad, the homework, it's just too much.
Dad, what are you doing?
DAD: Wha...
Daddy, BabyCorp can't wait any longer.
Daddy, come in. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,
Daddy, Daddy, come in. Can you hear me?
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy, don't say no.
Daddy, how many fingers am I holding up?
Daddy, no. Please stop.
Daddy, they're gonna recognize you.
Daddy, Uncle Ted.
Daddy! Listen, we have to shut down the server.
Deal?
Did the kids just say we're doomed?
Did you forget to call him?
Did you pull it right?
Did you two have a fight or something?
Do not be late.
Do you want to talk about your feelings now while I'm on hold?
Dobro pozhalovat'.
Doesn't mean you have to grow apart.
Doesn't seem fair, does it?
Don't answer it.
Don't do that.
Don't go, Tim!
Don't hit that button. Don't hit that button. Aah!
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me. Don't look at me!
Don't look down. Look straight ahead, okay?
Don't move. Maybe they won't see us.
Don't open the door.
Don't they understand it's the fate of the world?
Don't we, girls?
Don't worry. I'm fine, Uncle Ted.
Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?
Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?
Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?
Don't you understand? I'm blue!
Double handedly.
DR. ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKERS) Just imagine, baby surgeons.
Dweeb. Nerdlet. A real poindexter.
Easy breezy, taco peasy, boys.
Ee...!
Every birthday party, every Christmas morning,
Every morning when you wake up, I will be there.
Every night at dinner, I will be there.
Everything in the lyrics is actually happening to you.
Everything Tim did, Teddy wanted to do.
Ew, gross. It went everywhere.
Ew.
Exactly.
Except for the arm, you mean.
Except Tim didn't wear glasses.
Except your obnoxious voice. You hear that.
Faster, Tim.
Fine!
First one on the board. Ding, ding, ding.
First theorized that the universe has a limit
First, the ride, and now a a full sit down dinner.
First, we need to make a quick pit stop.
Forced together again.
Forever starts today. (CHUCKLES)
Forever.
Founder of The Acorn Center for Advanced Childhood.
Frankly, I don't see how that's legal.
Fraud.
From the very, very beginning
Get back in the box, Bo Peep.
Get down from there.
Get it together, man.
Get the cord, get the cord, get the cord!
Get the cord. Get the cord.
Get up. We got to go.
Give my creature life!
Given that the rigor of your previous school
Glue is bad!
Glue me, glue me, glue me.
Glue!
Glue!
Glue! (LAUGHS)
Glue.
Glue.
Glue.
Glue's good.
Go get 'em, tiger. (CHUCKLES)
Go get some ice cream after.
Go left! Go left!
Go on.
Go on. (GRUNTS)
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go! Move! Move!
Go, Marcos... uh, Dad. Go!
Go, Tina.
Gold star for you, Daddy.
Good heavens.
Good night, Dr. Hawking.
Good night, Lamb Lamb.
Good night, little Tina. Mwah!
Good night, sweetheart. Mama's gonna kiss you.
Good night, sweetie.
Good night, sweetie.
Good night, Tabitha.
Good. I could use a break.
Good... try.
Got it.
Got to go. Lightspeed out.
Grandpa?
Great, matey.
Guess we'll just have to melt down your big old statue
Gumption, even. Very admirable.
Guys, come on.
Ha! Got your nose.
Hand downs, Norma Rae. This is my time.
Hand over the bottle, mullet.
Hands up, diapers down.
Hang on!
Happy holidays, coppers.
Have a chance to reboot your relationship and...
He can't do that.
He kicked me off the mission.
He really looked up to his big brother, though.
He really rose to the occasion.
He scores! He scores!
He shoots, he scores!
He was so proud of his little brother.
He who findeth keepeth.
He wouldn't leave him alone.
He's a ba... You're a baby.
He's always got a work meeting or a business trip
He's new.
He's talking about Armstrong.
Hello? BabyCorp?
Hello. My name is Dr. Erwin Armstrong,
Help. Tabitha fell off horsey.
Helps me fall asleep!
Here at The Acorn Center, we believe
Here at the center, we believe babies
Here we go. What's the crisis, sweetie?
Here.
Here. Stick around. Stick around.
Hey, but you look great, though.
Hey, forget "works well with others."
Hey, hey! The key still works!
Hey, I was just...
Hey, if you want, I can help you with your song.
Hey, Lamb Lamb.
Hey, my old...
Hey, that's my leisure suit.
Hey, want to go scare the crap out of Mom?
Hey, what the...
Hey, what would you say
Hey, you did sort of ruin the mission.
Hey! (SCREAMS)
Hey! What was that for?
Hey.
Hey. There's no "I" in "team."
Hi, Daddy.
Hi.
Hi. I I'm new here.
Hilarious!
His best friend was an alarm clock.
His brain sure doesn't move at light speed.
Hmm.
Hold on to your chaps, pal.
Hold on to your holster.
How about another round, you tough guy? Come on!
How about this one? It's a classic.
How about you watch me have a little toast?
How am I gonna get backstage if I'm not in the pageant?
How are we gonna get up there?
How dare you question my power!
How do I look?
How else you gonna pull it?
How to get to the principal's office.
How... is... your...
How's your bonding trip?
Huh?
Huh?
Huh.
Huh. It's like I know you from somewhere.
Huh. Something tells me this isn't day care.
Huh. Well, how about that.
Huzzah!
Huzzah! (LAUGHS)
I ain't going back to the clink!
I beg your pardon?
I call him. I invite him. He never shows up.
I call shotgun.
I can come to school with you, and you can get
I can give you 20 minutes.
I can make him prance.
I can make Muttonchops do whatever I want.
I can prove that everything I'm saying is real.
I can stay close to Armstrong.
I can turn back time...
I can't let Mommy see me talk,
I can't wait to see the look on my dad's face when I sing.
I can't. I just can't.
I could never do your job.
I crawled. I did things with glue
I did it. I did it.
I did?
I do that sometimes.
I don't know, I was just working on this.
I don't know. Maybe it's already too late.
I don't like to mix the two,
I don't see your statue.
I don't think so.
I expected that you
I feel like you really understand me.
I forgot you were an old man.
I give up.
I got told what to do all the time.
I got you, Tabitha.
I got you.
I got you.
I got you. I got you.
I guess we did.
I guess.
I hate public radio.
I hate to interrupt, but may I make a suggestion?
I have a beautiful voice.
I hope to grow up and be a success, just like you.
I I mean, we just met.
I just can't do it right now, okay?
I just hope Tim's back in time for the pageant.
I just want him to be proud of me.
I knew there must be a perfectly logical explanation.
I like glue.
I like ponies.
I like ponies.
I like your pony.
I look forward to greeting you at the breakfast table.
I love Stock Crush.
I love you, Dad.
I love you, Tabitha Templeton.
I made a lot of money...
I made it all the way to Armstrong's office,
I made this vocalizer for Dr. Hawking.
I mean, you work around the clock,
I mean, you've got this.
I mean... thanks.
I miss my teeth.
I noticed you can be a little absentminded.
I promise you this:
I quit!
I repeat, you're a baby.
I ruined the mission. (SIGHS)
I said a lot of stuff to that kid.
I see a baby pony.
I see that you've angered my baby ninjas.
I should've given you a warning.
I still got these. (GRUNTING)
I still have an overactive imagination,
I still keep in touch with the old gang, too.
I still love you, Daddy.
I suggest you let your attorney do the talking.
I suppose I can live with that. Tim?
I swear I didn't leave that message.
I taught babies to code.
I think I finally got this parenting thing figured out.
I think it's time we both grow up.
I think it's time we both grow up.
I think some guys at my gym take this stuff.
I think that's doable.
I thought it would be easy.
I thought we both had to grow up.
I thought we had all the time in the world.
I wake up in the morning, I block.
I want to see her fail.
I want to sing the song.
I wanted to be successful, too, you know.
I was always jealous of you.
I was always the successful one.
I was desperate.
I was expecting you.
I was just worried about Tabitha, you know?
I was talking about me and Precious.
I will be there.
I wish you were here.
I wonder why they didn't mention that in your file.
I...
I... (GRUNTS, YELLS)
I'll give you that.
I'll hold them back.
I'll implant a device.
I'll save you!
I'll send them a check.
I'll show everybody.
I'm blue! I'm blue!
I'm blue. You're yellow.
I'm coming for you.
I'm cool.
I'm gonna email it to you.
I'm gonna go where navigation says.
I'm gonna have to, you know, uh, stop you.
I'm gonna save you from the bubbling lava!
I'm home.
I'm just... alone.
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Come on.
I'm listening to white noise!
I'm not talking about the show. I'm talking about B Day.
I'm not yellow. I'm blue.
I'm on a supersecret mission from BabyCorp.
I'm so excited.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you,
I'm sorry I missed your one wedding.
I'm sorry that I missed your graduations.
I'm sorry, Connie. I have to cut this short.
I'm sorry, Nathan. I'm doing my best.
I'm sorry, Wizzie.
I'm sure your dad will be back
I'm the best darn cook in the county
I'm trapped in the dum dum holding tank.
I'm younger than you.
I've been on hold forever!
I've been on hold so long I got a tooth growing in.
I've decided who's going on the mission.
I've got something better than a partner.
I've got the glasses. See?
If Armstrong's philosophy keeps spreading,
If I were there, I'd pinch you so hard.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.
If you two can put up with each other a little longer.
If you want something done right,
If you want to get ahead.
If you would like to make a call,
In "teamwork," either.
In fact, you know, you remind me a lot of myself
In the most user friendly photo app ever made.
In the snow...
In time to see you in the pageant.
In your face, Leslie!
Inappropriately lavish gift instead.
Including my dad.
Intentions, of course, but they're not experts.
Is absolutely okay.
Is an unknown variable.
Is being alone.
Is he talking to me? He better not be talking to me,
Is imagine that you're inside the song.
Is it really you?
Is it? I didn't notice.
Is just a little oomph.
Is now in session.
Is that me?
Is that the baby Jesus?
Is that the police?
Is the real brains behind the operation.
Is there a big one of those whatsits at school?
Is there terrible ones? Is that a thing?
Is this some kind of a ninja boy band?
Isn't it a bit early for terrible twos?
Isn't that right, little Nathan?
It could be the end of childhood.
It is you.
It looks better on her.
It says a lot.
It was a good story, wasn't it?
It was always personal.
It was at that point I realized I was smarter than my parents.
It'll be fun.
It's all in the phones.
It's all real.
It's an emergency.
It's business, Leslie.
It's called a GAGA device.
It's flooding the room.
It's game over.
It's just that you tend to procrastinate.
It's just, he's really good at this kind of thing...
It's like she doesn't even need me anymore.
It's like she looks right into your soul.
It's like, "F minus. See me after class."
It's lonely at the top.
It's Night of the Living Boomers.
It's not gonna be good, though.
It's not personal.
It's not that she hates you, Tim.
It's one, two, three and one, two, three.
It's so cute!
It's so real! It's so real!
It's so sad.
It's so thin.
It's starting. It's starting.
It's the beginning of the baby revolution.
It's The Good Night Show.
It's the perfect disguise.
It's this whole thing.
It's, uh, very, uh, feisty, but please sit down.
It's, uh... it's a hockey alarm.
JANICE: Grandma's coming in hot!
JANICE: Mm. Yes. High strung.
JANICE: They were best friends.
JANICE: Yeah, I don't like him.
Jealousy, fear. Hey, I faced the same obstacles.
Joining us today.
Junior!
Just because you grow up
Just because you grow up, it doesn't mean
Just when I got good at this whole parenting thing.
Keeps hands to self. Check.
KIDS: ♪ We're in this together ♪
KIDS: Diwali!
Kind of intense.
Ladies and gentlemen, he scores!
Lame o. Dorkus to the max.
Las Posadas!
Let me do it, Nathan.
Let me see your face.
Let's get some sleep!
Let's get to the nut, the nugget.
Let's roll.
Like... like I did with my brother.
Listen, all you got to do
Little bit more.
Live from your bedroom, starring Dad and Mom.
Look at you.
Look holier!
Look, I'm sorry about what I said at recess.
Looks like we have to stop Armstrong ourselves.
Loss of bowel control, chubby thighs"?
Love, the best brother in the world.
Makes good use of classroom materials. Check.
Makes me want to make a sad face.
Mama? Papa?
Man, Wizzie, she's growing up so fast.
Man, you guys are beyond generous.
Marcos Lightspeed.
Marcos, wait. Where are you?
Maybe we'll see you soon.
Meanwhile, with my new purple status,
MEGHAN: And break a leg.
MEGHAN: Hey! You're on, Templeton!
MEGHAN: Oh, Nathan, Nathan, let me do it.
MEGHAN: Psst.
MEGHAN: Yeah, Templeton.
Men. Am I right?
Mine were child psychologists
Mm hmm. Yep.
Mm.
Mm. Ow!
Mmm, cherry.
Mmm. (CRUNCHING)
Mmm. (GARGLES, SLURPS)
Mmm. For very special babies.
Mmm. Lolly?
Mmm. Power.
Mmm. The best of the best.
Mmm. There's a meeting today...
Mmm. We have a secret level.
Mom and Dad.
MOM: You came home.
Mom.
Mommy and Daddy, let's hug 'em... to death.
Mommy says no running in the house.
Mommy, Daddy, I missed you so much.
Months of hypnotic research embedded
Mwah.
My file?
My good arm.
My life is pretty perfect.
My name's Tim, and this...
My real mission was getting you two back together.
My schedule is brutal tomorrow.
My scientist of the week award.
My soft spot.
My texting hand!
My whole family is going to be there,
Nah, we got some family business.
Nailed it.
Nana? Mom?
NATHAN AND MEGHAN: And one, two, three
NATHAN: All right, all right, all right.
NATHAN: I can't wait.
NATHAN: Ugh! You always come in a beat late.
NATHAN: You are blowing it, Templeton!
Neither one of us.
Never see him... (FRIGHTENED WHIMPERING)
Never touch another man's pony.
New colleague, why don't you introduce yourself.
Next subject.
Nice plant.
Nighty night.
Nine and a half. Ten!
No crying is permitted in the separation zone.
No fractions, no fractions, no fractions. Whoa!
No judgment.
No kidding. You had no business
No more devil baby.
No more need for costumes.
No more parents.
