UnREAL - Season 1 Edit

A And if you could stay away from the booze on the road.

A And, uh...

A at the church dance. I want to testify.

A blast. Cheers.

A Cam, get in on Britney.

A couple of weeks on the cover of Us Weekly...

A few minutes away,

A journey that will be chronicled

A train wreck like that's not staying past tonight.

A women's studies major?

A year? And a whole another show?

A... They picked me to manage you guys tonight,

About yourself, about everything.

Acid, right? Acid?

Actually, um...

Actually, you don't. I handled it.

Adam Cromwell.

Adam knows I'm hot.

Adam needs a strong, confident woman by his side.

Adam will be going home with one lucky lady this week

Adam will have to choose one lucky lady

Adam, I want you to be my first, okay?

Adam, this could be so good.

Adam, you have one video invitation left.

Adam, you know, I've scouted this place, so...

Adam? Mm...

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam. Have you made your decision?

Adam. Hi.

Adam. Please.

Adam's a sensual guy.

Adam's been connected to you since day one,

After the mess you made.

Again.

Agreed.

Ah! Oh, my goodness.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Yeah.

Aha. New demands.

Ahh.

Ahh.

AIDS babies?

All mine!

All of you, just burn in hell!

All right, Adam, uh, the thing is...

All right, all right. Let's just...

All right, bring it on down.

All right, come on, you guys, let's go sign out.

All right, Grace, come on.

All right, I could have dropped a new card in.

All right, I need the girls from Limo Three now, please.

All right, I'm on my way, and I'm pissed.

All right, just... just... just keep it on her, okay?

All right, ladies, phones, now.

All right, ladies. Head up to your rooms.

All right, let's go, people! Rachel? A word?

All right, let's lift it up.

All right, let's say I can turn him around.

All right, listen!

All right, people. Mary's video invite, take one.

All right, so, I'm gonna need a truck mount and a stabilized head.

All right, sweetie, I'll see you soon.

All right, um, look, the therapy was actually kind of helping.

All right, well, don't mind if I do.

All right, well, Faith, um...

All right, whether you know it or not,

All right, you've got to walkie Rachel. Give her the stats, right now.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All yours.

All right. Here we go.

All right. See you at home.

All right. Uh, I'm so sorry.

All right. Who are you?

All we did was talk about your...

Also, he wouldn't sign his contract.

Am I right?

Amazing life that he's offering you.

Amy, I'm sorry. Look...

Amy.

And [American accent] fly over states are gonna love me [Normal voice] so...

And a lot of very blurry bits

And a verbal mention of the hotel name.

And a virgin, right?

And about finding true love.

And Amy for who you both are.

And Amy... She could come up here,

And besides, you're the one who keeps crawling into my bed.

And bring your boyfriend.

And can you please thank him for fitting me in?

And Christmas,

And clearly, it wasn't enough.

And cut. Cut, guys. We got it.

And each other?

And every single camera on this show.

And have a glass of champagne.

And he is a nice guy, but honestly,

And he just says, Okay.

And he looks young enough to be my step son,

And he meant it.

And he'd be rich.

And he's barely black, all right?

And he's good for me.

And her last relationship, it was, uh,

And here we are, where three become two.

And here we are... the final troika of lucky ladies,

And his penis was just right there, staring at me.

And honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal.

And I am handling it.

And I can have love, it's gonna soften the blow.

And I can't make a television show

And I could show her that we don't have to be outcasts.

And I could take her to San Francisco.

And I don't plan on following these ones, either.

And I have a million more ideas.

And I know how they end.

And I need Camera Nine to repo to evil bitch Britney.

And I swore I'd protect you.

And I want him to take my virginity...

And I want to reassure the women I'm currently courting

And I want you to come with me.

And I was sunburned, and I...

And I was, um, profoundly exhausted,

And I would have to be a sociopath

And I'd like you to be my first.

And I'm gonna repeat that on loop

And I'm gonna walk outside and I'm gonna show it

And I'm I'm the old...

And I'm sure that Mr. Wilton's credit card statements,

And I'm thinking if it all goes well,

And I've had a lovely time on the show.

And if I were you, I'd want him to, uh, take my flower.

And if you don't agree, I'm gonna take that footage,

And intellectual property suits

And is simply claiming recompense

And let's get those doubles on the horses.

And letting Chet take credit for my ideas is gonna give me that.

And log it and then hide it.

And made it look like the dumped girl goes mental...

And marriage proposals based on said promises

And maybe you can turn one of your dogs

And my church would kick me out.

And nobody's ever interested in me.

And now I have to fight with Anna over him?

And now it is time for your next decision, Adam.

And now that ice princess is pulling into the lead, and I'm just...

And pick out swatches for him.

And polo in Buenos Aires in the autumn.

And rainbows, and unicorns.

And replace my experienced A.D.

And see how that feels as your life.

And she has killer instincts for drama.

And she should go for it.

And she's gonna thank you for it one day. I promise.

And she's like, Oh, my baby daddy

And so, what, you fell for it?

And starve our villain, Britney,

And thank you.

And thanks to Jay for spotting that.

And that is not a wifey.

And that you can change.

And that you should, you know,

And that's why you came here, to try new things, right?

And the crazy thing is, I actually wanted to.

And the first time you did,

And the MILF to sign their contracts.

And then everything... Everything would be fixed.

And then he dumps her, and it's perfect.

And then I will do whatever I want to do.

And then just, you know, making some noises.

And then one thing led to another,

And then tweets a selfie?

And there would be this prince,

And this has been a very difficult decision for me.

And this was Jeremy's idea of how to make me feel better.

And transgender is now.

And was in foster care for years.

And we are going to make Chet

And we have so many other angles on her, you know?

And we know that those two things...

And what an incredible year at the vineyard we might have,

And what if I say no?

And what's the prince doing here? We just wanted to...

And while I see you as a friend and I always will, I...

And who's this nice, young man?

And wishing him dead?

And yet it's handled.

And yet you let her on the show?

And you definitely deserve to be happy.

And you didn't know how to say no.

And you feel like you're doing that?

And you got to reel that crap in, okay?

And you have to handle it.

And you haven't even kissed him.

And you insist that they shoot it at the vineyard

And you throw a single mom to the wolves.

And you, caralho, are getting absolutely nothing!

And you, Prince Charmless.

And you're saying that I can't be into her?

And you've got yourselves a deal.

And, Shia, you have other girls.

And, uh...

And, uh... okay, t the thing is...

And, uh... screw it.

And, um, and you did the pickups on the last of my girls?

And, um, well, this is her most precious possession.

And, um...

And, um... oh, he held my hand on the way up here.

And, what, did you, like, get her a job

And?

And...

And... And doing things

And... and I'm... and I'm paying off all of the damages, and...

And... and wanting me to testify.

And... go.

Anna, Grace, and Faith.

Anna, I know that you and I have a connection.

Anna.

Anna. Faith. Grace.

Another eight years down the road,

Any more than I already have.

Anyway, I wanted to say that,

Anyways...

Apparently...

Are almost impossible in Reality TV.

Are rodeo girls, like, not allowed to wax,

Are these gonna be big enough for you?

Are we done? 'Cause...

Are we friends?

Are we rolling?

Are you behind me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? No way.

Are you leaving before round two?

Are you like an alcoholic or something?

Are you okay with this?

As "Royal Renovations."

As an excuse for not...

As anything but a crack whore...

As does he.

As he embarks on a year of construction and overhaul,

As long as you don't go running off with Jeremy

Assistant crack whore.

At getting that proposal next week.

At his vineyard.

At least two stayers.

At least, like, a few things that you wouldn't do.

At my new company, no questions asked.

At the, uh... At the church dance.

Aw. Why is she crying?

Awesome. Cool.

Awesome. I'll go with you.

Aww.

Aww.

Ay yi yi!

Ballsy move, Quinn.

Based on all of this... evidence,

Be in your business. You're better than that.

Because after this week, folks,

Because depressed people don't call.

Because he was actually interested in me,

Because he's the only person who asked.

Because I can see that something or someone

Because I created this... Everlasting.

Because I knocked up my ex wife with hate sex.

Because I looked into Lily Belle's eyes,

Because I own every inch of footage

Because I thought it was something smart for you to do

Because I'm not your meat puppet.

Because neither of those things can actually be handled.

Because of, um...

Because she's very smart and guarded,

Because that is a very important part of a relationship.

Because this guy knows how to look after us.

Because we need you here right now.

Before I can sling the ax.

Behind closed doors, it was... it was brutal.

Believe it or not...

Besides, my dad loved bulldogs.

Besides, she knew what she was in for.

Bitches beware.

Blood on the sheets ratings bonanza.

Boring.

Brad, everyone knows that you need a new hit show

Brainwashed contestants

Break his heart right there on the mansion steps.

Breaking it's really fun.

Bringing him home to meet your family?

Britney. Britney, you listen to me, okay?

Building between you and Adam.

Burn in hell, you witch!

But Amy, I promise you...

But before I can do that,

But first, I need to set up my parachute

But have you talked to your Gran yet?

But here at Everlasting, chivalry is not dead.

But I am with Jeremy now.

But I didn't say no.

But I don't want to be you, Quinn.

But I guess, with that whole Napa thing...

But I like her.

But I think I know where you're going with this.

But I told.

But I'm just saying that Adam... He's like a really great guy.

But I'm the executive producer of this show.

But if your name is not called, ladies,

But in this exact moment...

But it sure as hell means something now, doesn't it?

But it wasn't.

But now it is Anna's turn.

But one of the dates has to be at my hotel site in Napa.

But one of the dates has to be at my hotel site in Napa.

But only for those girls that he has decided to send home.

But she is not in her right mind.

But she is... incredibly stubborn.

But she's got to come out sometime.

But since I'm on camera, I got to blend in.

But Subject 21 was adopted

But tell the story once and, uh, they latch on.

But the audience has been feeling a ton of heat

But then Quinn started talking about lawyers and suing Chet

But this one, I swear it's gonna be right up your alley.

But this... is eight years of ideas I never told Chet about.

But ultimately, I can't deny the physical chemistry

But we both know it's not true.

But we've never acted on them.

But what? I mean, come on.

But whatever, all right?

But where is Limo Three?

But who has definitely piqued my curiosity.

But will Anna rise to the occasion?

But, Quinn...

But, Rachel, seriously, what the hell? I called, like, a lot.

But, Rachel, you were with Jeremy,

But, then again, you're my boss, too, so...

But, um [laughs] no, seriously,

But, um, I do... look, I've got something that you might...

But, unfortunately,

But, you know, maybe make an exception.

But...

But... let's be honest.

Bye, babe.

Call Chet, and tell him what you're up to?

Call me when you're ready to pitch your best ideas.

Calm down?

Calm down.

Camera A, follow Britney.

Cameras up, people.

Can accept me,

Can I ask you a weird question?

Can I steal you for a second?

Can only shoot in hard night, and I need a frickin' show!

Can run away to San Francisco and live happily ever after

Can somebody get me a drink, please?!

Can somebody please get us a drink today?

Can you excuse me for just a second?

Can you imagine seeing the world with him

Can you just let me know?

Can you just... Am I being an idiot?

Cheers.

Cheers.

Chet forced himself on you.

Chet know you're here?

Chet said he would hook me up

Chet stole Everlasting from both of us.

Chet tells me that you're doing a great job,

Chet to Quinn. I'm waiting.

Chet Wilton... creator of Everlasting... big kahuna.

CHET: That's it right there.

Chet!

Chet... I I I mean, that's not...

Chet's screwing me.

Choice is yours.

Chug it, birthday boy!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Claire, the last eight weeks have been the best of my life.

Claire, you're somebody's child.

Classy.

Come here, my sweet, little tater, and hug my neck.

Come here.

Come in. Have a seat.

Come on, Adam. Pick me.

Come on, be nice.

Come on, come on.

Come on, listen. You you should get some rest.

Come on, Rachel.

Come on, you made a fool of me once already.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. God, no. I just... uh, God.

Come on. I think you're gonna want to see this one.

Come on. Let's go. Get in here.

Come on. Sit down with me.

Completely honest about myself.

Completely...

Considering it?

Copy that.

Copy that.

Copy that.

Cover her coming out.

Covering it up feels weird.

Crap!

Crap.

Crazy in the head, crazy in bed, right?

Crazy. I'm so tired.

Crazy's back.

Crystal. Crystal, will you stay, please?

D don't you think that Adam is a nice young boy?

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn, that was good.

Damned if a girl can't read a blueprint.

Dan... uh, first A.D.

Dang. That's... That's the point.

Darling, if you wanted to cop a feel, just ask.

Dealing with other people's lives? What...

Dealing with the women is... that's your job!

Delicate, little flower?

Depressed?

Did he force you?

Did I do something wrong?

Did someone scare you, Mary?

Did they have to pump Madison's stomach to get the sample?

Did you just call me a slut?

Did you just use being sunburned as...

Did you know about this?

Did you see that circus?

Did you tell her to do that?

Do not move from this limo until I tell you.

Do what?

Do you feel good?

Do you really think that he wants some, like,

Do you really want her life?

Do you think he bought it?

Do you want it?

Do you want to do something

Do your job.

Does Matthew Shepard ring a bell?

Does that count? Well, of course it does.

Does that matter?

Don't be.

Don't ever lie to me like that again.

Don't everybody rush to hug me at one time.

Don't know, saving African AIDS babies,

Don't let them leave from this limo, okay?

Don't say anything.

Don't worry, Lizzie. Come here. Give me a kiss.

Don't worry. Yeah.

Don't you think?

Done did me wrong with Little Booboo.

Done, all right?

Dr. Phil was a nobody once, too.

Dude, I know how to sell a location.

Dude.

Each one of these dates is a chance to show Adam

Eh. Okay.

Ehh. Mostly.

Either ball up and give a shit,

Even you can't bail me out of this.

Every second you're not here.

Everybody judges you. It's, like, so unfair.

Everybody, back to one, please! Let's hustle!

Everybody! She just burned Chet!

Everyone, back to your marks.

Everything is, uh, right as rain.

Exactly.

Exactly. This is all fake.

Except that...

Explaining to Adam

Fair enough. But this gets to you.

Faith wants to win.

Faith, it's time for you to go home.

Faith, sweetie? Faith?

Faith, why did you come on TV

Faith, will you continue this journey with me for another week?

Faith, will you stay, please?

Faith, you and I, w w w w we...

Faith, you seem uncomfortable.

Faith, you're absolutely right.

Faith?

Faith.

Faith.

Faith...

Faith's coming out could be seen by 15 million people.

Final touches, please.

Finally.

Finally. That is what I'm talking about.

Find Britney. There you go.

Find somewhere where we can put these down?

Fine.

Fine. That's fine by me,

First girl out of the carriage is always a wifey,

First night back,

Flying in.

Followed up by a church dance...

For being a dull, dead eyed loser.

For like another three hours, and we have a lot of setup.

For renewal, and, uh, this is so weird.

For the civil charges, though.

For the crazy, all right?

For the last two hours.

For the one on one tonight, you... you really need to

For this afternoon.

For your future, and I still think that.

From one slut to another.

Full partner.

Gay is so... actually, it's like two years ago,

Gay people around here?

Get camera A over there.

Get me some chemistry.

Get me some good TV!

Get me some one on one interviews.

Get me someone else now.

Get out.

Get out. You too.

Getting out.

Give it back.

Give me that. Give me that.

Give me the damn bear.

Give me the keys! Don't! Hey, hey, hey!

Giving into him, in particular,

Go for Rachel.

Go play house in his little log cabin?

Go volunteer at women's shelters?

God, I look like a drowned rat, huh?

God, I'm gonna piss my myself

God, it was... I mean, he's everything.

God, she even offends me.

God's gonna strike me down for loving a woman.

God's grace is in me, Rachel. I can feel it.

Good talk.

Good.

Got it.

Got it. Thanks!

Got me boo yah ratings last season.

Got me booyah ratings last season.

Grace, I'm sorry he's such an idiot.

Grace, you guys have had a connection since day one.

GRAHAM: Welcome to Everlasting.

GRAN: Bathroom's on the left, hon!

Grandma! Nice.

Great job on the ceremony tonight.

Great.

Guess who has the sperm count of a 21 year old?

Gunner, Jamie.

Ha!

Hand me my phone, will you?

Has she been easy?

Have a good show, everybody.

Have a real life and real friends.

Have you ever thought that you and Amy,

Have you never had to play by anybody else's rules?

Have you never kissed anybody for real?

Having never been honest about what you really want.

He did the same thing to me a long time ago.

He has his hand on her boob.

He is the British heir to the Cromwell Hotel fortune.

He looks like he'd rather be chewing cud than meeting hot girls.

He read the damn logs from the Faith trip.

He said he wanted to show it to his lawyers in London,

He said we didn't have any drama in this ep, and...

He would never, ever hurt you.

He... he... he thinks you're a total MILF.

He's 29.

He's a really, really good guy.

He's about as charming as a corpse.

He's about to dump you.

He's going to have to reclaim those bracelets...

He's only saying this stuff to you.

He's such a great guy,

He's trying to say that I stalked him.

Heads up.

Heard you did well on the road.

Hell, nothing should, right?

Hello, ladies, and welcome to Everlasting!

Hello?! Get out of here!

Hello?! Nobody?!

Helping them through their intimacy issues.

Her husband was physically abusive.

Here we go.

Here we go. This'll be good.

Here you go.

Here.

Here.

Hey, Chet, can I steal you for a quick minute?

Hey, do you remember coming out to your parents?

Hey, Faith, you all right?

Hey, go back... Cut back to that shot

Hey, Goldberg, where the hell you been?

Hey, Grace, y... um, where you going?

Hey, Gran looks great.

Hey, Gran? Uh, would you excuse us for just a minute?

Hey, guys, time out, guys.

Hey, how'd everything go at the lady doctor?

Hey, Jeremy.

Hey, let me undo a couple of buttons

Hey, listen.

Hey, Maddie!

Hey, mo... new girl, move, move. Thank you.

Hey, pretty boy, come here, please.

Hey, so, I think we're gonna, um,

Hey, that's a big step.

Hey, uh, can I have a word?

Hey, uh, Madison, you know, why don't we, uh,

Hey, uh, yeah, you just... you didn't have to do that.

Hey, uh...

Hey, um, tiny girl, I really have to pee, here...

Hey, weirdo. Hi.

Hey, you remember when you used to be

Hey!

Hey! Hey, stop! Stop! I'm not gonna move.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi. I, uh...

Hey. Staying strong?

Hi, Faith.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Dorothy, this is really important.

Hi. Hey. Wait, uh... Hey.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. How's it going? Hey.

Hi. I'm Faith.

Hi. I'm Rachel.

Hi. Yeah.

His name is Adam Cromwell.

Hit the kid, too, broke her arm,

Hit the kid, too, broke her arm.

Hm.

Hold the roll!

Hollywood Tonight's airing next week's promo.

Holy crap!

Honestly, I don't care, as long as I'm with you.

Honestly, I'm... look, I'm with you on this one.

Honestly, that would be, like...

Honestly?

Horses...

How about the way they introduced those horrible girls?

How can you pick me if you don't know who I am?

How could you not think that?

How did it feel when that...

How does it feel having all of this bottled up all the time?

How far do you want that track?

How I planned to do this.

How long until you're folding his laundry

How's it going with Adam?

How's your night going?

Huge finale ratings.

Huh?

Huh?

Hustle, hustle.

I actually don't even know what you're talking about, Rachel.

I am gonna get you a lawyer, okay?

I am not just some slutty salsa dancer

I am serious about putting my past behind me

I am so sorry for interrupting, Faith,

I am suing for palimony, promissory estoppel, and fraud.

I am tired of pretending that I can run from this.

I am, okay?

I am...

I bet you do.

I can cover Rachel's girls while she's gone.

I can do a lot, Quinn, but I can't control the weather.

I can not believe that I have to ask this again,

I can offer you the world if you let me.

I can work anywhere.

I can't believe it!

I can't believe that they're just telling us about it right now, right?

I can't deal with all these other people's lives.

I can't do it, Rach.

I can't.

I cannot wait for you to see Gran's ranch.

I care about you.

I cleaned up her mess.

I clearly have issues with my boundaries.

I didn't have my phone. I I didn't.

I didn't know you were here.

I do, yeah.

I don't belong to you. I...

I don't care.

I don't even know... I've never met him.

I don't follow. I'm not... What...

I don't intend to stick around for another.

I don't know if anyone's told you, but you are a player.

I don't know what you did to get Faith's head all screwed up,

I don't know, it's all a bunch of crap, anyways.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Amy and I sort of practiced on our pillows at camp but...

I don't know. Do you think that you're, like, forward

I don't know. Have you...

I don't own a billion dollar franchise.

I don't really do well, you know, with happiness.

I don't think I peed or sat down once all night.

I don't think we're meant to marry.

I don't want to be doing this crap any more than you do.

I don't want to fight it anymore.

I don't. Jeremy, can you just stop?

I don't... I I I don't want some Rachel story.

I don't... no, no, no. Hey, no, no, no.

I even got Grandma's church

I feel great.

I feel like that was silly... Sledgehammering a foam brick.

I get it.

I got it. It's gonna be good TV.

I got to get off.

I got to get off. No, no. No.

I guess I I just want you to know

I guess it keeps me sane.

I had Rachel fly out and convince the lawyer

I had the courts transfer your psychiatric care

I hate it when Rachel goes off walkie.

I have a brain and a heart. He needs to see that.

I have advised her not to,

I have an idea.

I have nothing, people, okay?

I have other suitors, you know,

I have to take a shower.

I have to work for a living, all right?

I have with the other women.

I hear we have a situation.

I hope it doesn't rain.

I I don't care, as long as it's true.

I I know that there is another Mary in there...