Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) Edit

A bathing suit?

A grenade launcher that shoots glue foam.

A little too much club.

A loving father, a strange,

A renegade.

A Rocky Mountain steed.

A swap. A trade.

A whole lot of ridicule.

About the confusion regarding the convention.

Above and beyond the call of duty,

Absolutely, Mr. Blart.

Absolutely. I should have thought of that.

Actually, I don't need a clue. You just told me.

Actually, it's officer.

Actually, sir, you can't.

Airbag!

All by my...

All right, are you an important man?

All right, guys. Who took my show hair?

All right, hug him, Andy.

All right, Vincent, since you took something precious from me,

All right! I've never felt more alive!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All this for stupid art.

Allow me to introduce you to a few of my associates.

Alone.

Although, I must say, you have very soft hands.

Always bet on Blart.

And a woman can go after hers just like a man.

And all of a sudden you're asking yourself,

And award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada!

And being in possession of one of your prize paintings.

And good news, I upgraded your room.

And he's giving the keynote tonight.

And I am that man!

And I don't care, I'm going double parm. So...

And I don't like it.

And I hear the same calling you do.

And I just want you to know that I got you sitting at my table tonight.

And I slip on my soft soled shoes,

And I told you that I'm crazy.

And I wanted to apologize

And I'm gonna be really happy

And I've seen things that you would not comprehend.

And if you decide to go to the real cops,

And last but not least,

And no one told me anything.

And now your daughter can't wait to get away from you.

And on the home front, I always had Mom.

And pulse back in range.

And second off...

And see which group is booked there this evening,

And she's been kidnapped.

And smell the sweaters that she left behind.

And so I say to you, sir...

And that you're doing everything in your pathetic power

And the Security Association restricts the hiring

And then I turn to him and I say, Hand over the yogurt.

And then I turn to him and I say, Hand over the yogurt.

And then there was those six days of marriage.

And then your mom kisses a bus.

And there's the old lady who can't find her car in Parking Level F

And until the flames of chaos subside,

And when were you gonna tell me about that?

And yet, when people ask me, Why do you do it?

And you requested a bottomless bowl of Peanut M&M's.

And, besides...

And, really, only award,

And, secondly, that's actually against resort policy. So...

Angel please don't worry. I know exactly what you're dealing with.

Anyway, come with me.

Anyway...

Are you kidding me? Great.

Are you lost son?

Are you sure about that?

As exciting as that sounds, I think I'm just gonna take a bath and a nap.

As long as I have you by my side, I'm gonna be okay.

At Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College.

At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down.

At the security officers' convention.

At the security officers' convention.

Because it is against protocol.

Because that is what the security e mail said.

Because that's how crazy I am!

Because that's the way I was brought up!

Because you're not who you say you are...

Besides,

Bingo.

Black, gray, pine, and then, last, purple.

Blart, Officer Nick Panero and Officer Gino Chizetti.

Blart!

Blart!

Boy, I am so crazy.

Boy. We got a meet and greet in 15.

Bring it in, Heath.

Bring it to them, bring it to them.

Bring me your guy on the inside.

Bring those two to the villa.

Bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart.

But as for this renegade, some of us are meant to ride alone.

But don't kid yourself, Paw Blart.

But enough about me. What's your great news?

But I did get to meet the man himself...

But I just... I wanted to clarify

But I love...

But I'm preparing now internally, to give the keynote.

But I've never been better.

But if being a security officer was easy, anybody could do it.

But in reality,

But it seems to be that I'm going to be delivering the keynote speech tonight

But it was downsized to Conference Room C.

But Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security,

But my dancing shoes are currently out for repair.

But once you reach [he top, the view is amazing.

But once you reach the top, the view is amazing.

But one day, six years ago, a man did more than that.

But she seems to have derailed.

But since you're into gyro performance vehicles, take a gander.

But that's gonna push us back.

But there is over there.

But we have a complaint about the noise.

But what you're doing right now is so wrong.

But you can leave your luggage here, and I will have it delivered to your room.

But you know what you will get?

But, unfortunately, I won't be able to give you that information,

By some sweaty, sluggish non entity like yourself?

Can I help you up or get you some medical attention?

Can you help me? Can you call backup?

Can't find my mommy.

Can't wait to meet your wife.

Candles lit, which could have burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.

Cell phone covers and Cinnabon?

Chicken Chow Lane?

Come on, Dad.

Come on, man. I know you're in here.

Come on, Paul, think for Maya. Think!

Come on, sugar.

Come on, think.

Come on. Maya.

Coming at you! I'm gonna be coming.

Coming in hot!

Congratulations, Officer Blart. You have been selected to join...

Congratulations. You have been accepted to UCLA.

Corporate sent me here to check up on you and your coworkers.

Could this be some domestic situation?

Could you press one, please?

Crusher.

Dad, are you okay? You should really get checked out.

Dad, I'm starving.

Dad, people are looking.

Dad, this is your convention. You can't sleep on the rollaway.

Dad, you don't understand.

Dad, you saved the mall. They should honor you.

Dad!

Dad!

Dad! I saw something in the Presidential Suite

Dad. Come on.

Daddy, look at the beautiful flowers. Can I draw on them?

Decorum. De cor um.

Deliver the keynote speech.

Despite our differences.

Did you get the new locations yet?

Didn't know they even had those anymore.

Didn't see it. Didn't see it.

Differences?

Do not look down!

Don't look up, either!

Don't need it. It's already been scanned. Locked and loaded.

Don't you worry about that, Turtle.

Don't you worry about that.

Don't you worry about that.

Donna Ericone, Mall of freaking America.

Double back. Doubling.

Dude, he's hammered. She was on the phone and went that way.

Eduardo Furtillo, head of security of Wynn Las Vegas.

Eduardo. I knew you were part of this.

Enjoy the ride.

Enjoy.

Every morning, I pull my pants on one leg at a time,

Everybody listen up.

Excellent.

Excuse me guys,

Excuse me, Ms. Martinez?

Excuse me?

Exhale, pull the trigger. Predator.

Fan it out, fan it out.

Fill it with rats, then blowtorch it

Fine.

First off, pain is my copilot, so no problem there.

Five more minutes, Vincent, and then we are done.

Flag on the play, sloppy.

Fool me once, shame on me.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Foot Locker!

Foot Locker!

Found our friend.

From the hotel gift basket.

From the Presidential Suite.

From the West Orange Pavilion Mall. Who am I speaking with?

Fun fact for you, there's no helipad up here.

Get away from me. Hefeweizen!

Get back here.

Get back!

Get her.

Get me security!

Get out of here!

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Get rid of this.

Get your bets down, C and E's, horn bets, high lows.

Getaway. Move along.

Gino Chizetti,

Give me my painting!

Give me the gun. Finish them. Go!

Gosh. Come on.

Got it.

Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.

Great. So am I.

Has at least three years' training in distress recognition.

Have a great stay.

Have her call me if you want to get her nails done or whatever.

Have Robinson take him to the helipad.

Have sweet mercy! Oh, my!

He accused me of hitting on him.

He ain't real.

He doesn't have to hug me.

He says to you.

He sleeps with the fishes Literally.

He swung in on a rope like a knight in shining armor,

He turned me down immediately.

He was full truth in a powdered wig.

He's a high roller who books his rooms through his company.

He's never been alone.

He's on the greatest run I've ever seen!

Head of the Security Officers Trade Association.

Headbutt!

Hello? Hello?

Hello. Hello?

Help someone today!

Help someone today.

Help someone today.

Henk, Ramos, Botero.

Henk, you didn't tell me where you are.

Her doctor called it uncontrollable vomiting.

Her lawyer, Dissolution of marriage.

Here you go.

Here you go.

Here. It's either this or sunblock.

Here's the new locations of all 13.

Hey, Blart. I heard you need a little backup.

Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.

Hey, how much you pay for that belt?

Hey, thanks for all your help.

Hey, yo, have you guys seen Maya?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Nope, nope, move along.

Hey. Closer.

Hey. Dad?

Hey. What's going on?

Hipster talk Everybody's zipping.

Hold on a second here.

Holy crawfish!

Home court advantage.

Honey, I've been thinking about the menu,

Honey, we've been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo

Honey, you're not even dressed. Come on.

Honey?

Honor, and acts of heroism,

How does that blow your hair back, Blart?

How is it a man like you could win the heart

How's that? Is that valid enough for you?

However, due to circumstances beyond our control,

I am about to unload.

I am honored to be here,

I am so sorry, ma'am.

I am the general manager of this resort, so I don't take tips.

I came straight from a haircut.

I can't abandon him.

I can't believe you know that song.

I can't breathe, man.

I can't say no to you.

I can't talk about it right now.

I certainly can, okay? I once fell asleep raking leaves.

I didn't even know you applied there.

I didn't think I'd get in.

I do not like it.

I do, I do, but this gal's a bit tired.

I don't drink.

I don't know how to play craps, but I'll tell you what,

I don't know if you heard.

I don't know.

I don't know. Some man brought a bunch of these down

I don't think he can handle it.

I don't.

I get it. We're easy targets.

I get kidnapped by bad guys and held hostage.

I got a modified i2 Commuter myself.

I got this one guy against the wall. He's really sweating. He knows it's over.

I got this, Heath.

I got to be honest, I had a feeling, but do you really think that, I mean...

I got to be honest.

I got to get air, I got to get air.

I got to get air. I got to get air, I got to get air.

I got to get some air.

I got to say, I don't know how this is an upgrade.

I got to say, sir, I am just so excited.

I gotta get going. I'm going.

I gotta get going. I'm going.

I guess I was the last one to get the memo.

I guess I wasn't supposed to see.

I guess they don't trust you with the real stuff?

I guess you wouldn't want me doing this!

I have a chance to go to California.

I have to laugh.

I heard of you Rumor has it you thought you were giving the keynote tonight.

I heard you're pretty good on one of those things.

I hurt my neck, I hurt my neck.

I just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there,

I know you've lost a lot lately, and you're scared,

I love it! Root beers around the horn!

I mean, can you imagine

I mean, he still sleeps with a night light.

I mean, my hands are tied.

I mean, what are you really guarding anyway?

I mean, who cares?

I need information on who's staying in your Presidential Suite. It's urgent.

I need to know who's staying in your Presidential Suite.

I never brought up Black Friday.

I put my hand upon my hip When I zip

I saw white. I saw white.

I see we have you in a partial mountain view,

I sense what you're doing, Divina.

I should've recognized the steely eyed gaze of a fellow brother in arms.

I simply don't care!

I spent the next two years losing myself

I spent the next two years losing myself

I think I can short this and get us out of here.

I think Maya's just seen her future.

I think that's poison.

I think you're crazy.

I think you're gonna like it.

I think your tune may change a wee bit.

I thought Mini Kiss was playing.

I thought that was you. Donna Ericone, Mall of America.

I told him that if he ever wanted to go where the real action was,

I told you I was crazy.

I tried contacting Officer Ferguson from TSA, but he must have his phone off.

I understand, sir.

I understand.

I want the truck waiting in Juérez in one hour.

I want to ask a question.

I want you to meet the wife.

I was just simply just checking that...

I was wrong! The body does hurt.

I welcome it!

I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight,

I will close with this.

I will crawl inside you and lay eggs like a baby spider!

I will spin around until I throw up on you and your friends.

I wish I could say no right now. I'll be right back.

I would just fire up the Sarah McLachlan, walk into her closet

I, like you, didn't choose security.

I... I really shouldn't.

I'll be right back. I got something for you.

I'll get him again, ma'am. I'll find him.

I'll put you and your daughter in a world of pain.

I'll see you at the reception. I'm not gonna go.

I'll see you later.

I'll stick your face in maple syrup and make you sing gospel!

I'll tell you what, Maya, you take the bed. I will take the rollaway.

I'm a contradiction.

I'm a highly trained security specialist.

I'm a simple man.

I'm actually dating someone.

I'm coming for you, Maya.

I'm deathly allergic. What are you trying to do to me?

I'm definitely done. Not this time!

I'm from corporate, so...

I'm from Internal Affairs Shipping. Yeah.

I'm getting tight. I'm getting tight.

I'm going to the helipad!

I'm going to UCLA.

I'm gonna be honest, I did hear rumblings.

I'm gonna give you my phone number.

I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna need my dress whites.

I'm gonna throw up a little bit, I think.

I'm happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I'm here, so...

I'm just gonna fire some questions at you, though,

I'm just not ready for public consumption.

I'm just saying, you know, just that cops think they're all that,

I'm kind of tired.

I'm literally running out of room for my chips.

I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go.

I'm not kidding. Was closer to four, actually.

I'm on my way.

I'm out.

I'm really sorry about the speech.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll leave you alone.

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Bye.

I'm sorry. It's just that Lane invited me to go out to the pool...

I'm sorry. Your room isn't ready yet.

I'm sure he sensed that an attractive lady sitting by herself

I'm taking something precious from you.

I've been in the security game for over 16 years,

I've been known to dabble.

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

I've got two different colored eyes!

If we live, I'm not going to UCLA.

If you believe the purpose of life is to only serve yourself,

If you could give me a moment, I'd like to place a telephone call.

If you need anything at all, please, don't hesitate to call either myself

In case you want to grab a drink sometime.

In the presence of the greats from the past.

In the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mail safe.

In the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mail safe.

In the words of Joseph Conrad,

Integrity is a bewitching gumbo,

Internal Affairs, so I just...

Is in a black coat while...

Is it warm in here,

Is there a manager I could speak with?

Is there someone you can call?

It forces me to eat slower.

It has a view of the Strip.

It is Officer Blart.

It is. And I think the doors are open, so...

It looks like we've come to a fork in the road.

It only goes up to D.

It really is. That's I'm so happy.

It turns out I'm not giving the keynote tonight.

It was just as depressing as Idaho.

It was just somebody trying to intimidate you.

It was over that fast.

It's a bad day to be bad people.

It's a prototype. I'm not supposed to show anybody,

It's about weight distribution.

It's easy. Give me $60. We'll place the six.

It's getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon.

It's just fuel. It's just fuel.

It's number one on our buyer's list, and I am not leaving without it.

It's pronounced like turtle or “girdle?”

It's ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally.

It's top secret stuff, okay? Just...

Jackpot! You nailed it! You nailed it!

Judge Blart now in session!

Just a little bit closer range. I can't let this out.

Just don't tell anybody I told you.

Just know I'm working my way through a maze of personal fire,

Just know that Officer Panero was here for you.

Just longing to catch... He's crying right now, isn't he?

Just looking at these faces reminds me of the questions so many people ask.

Just loosen up, baby, loosen up.

Just tell me who's staying there.

Khan Mubi,

Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

King's Landing Walmart.

King's Landing Walmart.

Knot jump!

Lactic acid!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, I know you're here to see Nick Panero

Lady Luck's certainly been in my corner as of late.

Lane? Lane? That's what this betrayal's about?

Laser focus.

Legs.

Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's just get some yogurt.

Lift with the legs. With the legs.

Listen, I don't think you have a clue to who you're messing with.

Listen, you have no bearing on my life whatsoever.

Little tighter, bring it in. Yes.

Lonely out there.

Look, Dad, you're gonna have to get used to the fact that I'm a big girl now.

Look, I know it takes two to tango,

Look, I understand it's the 21st century,

Look, I understand you have no control over this.

Look, I've given it a lot of thought.

Look, this hairy, drunk rent a cop confused go away for hit on me.

Look, this is crazy.

Looking for someone?

Looks like we got ourselves a sticky situation.

Make sure both your hands are firmly on the grips.

Man, we still talk about your Black Friday save.

Marbles. You can't run with these under your feet.

Maya, California, it's too far away.

Maya, look, I know you're mad at me.

Maya, Maya, what's happening?

Maya, use your pepper spray!

Maya! Come down here! I got some great news!

Maya! Security is a mission.

Maya?

Maya?

Maya?

Maya?

Maya?

Maya.

Maya. Maya, you get back...

Maybe for a year or two until I get settled, then I have to say,

Maybe I overreacted.

Me, too!

Meet me at the Grand Hall, alone.

Misread it. Okay, sweetheart.

Missed.

Misshapen superhero.

Mister, mister, mister.

Most likely seemed a bit lonely.

Mr Wynn.

Mr. Blart, I want you to know that we will get to the bottom of this,

Mr. Blart.

Mr. Blart.

Muhrtelle.

Must be getting pretty...

Must get sugar.

My agents are highly trained professionals

My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter

My crazy will take your crazy, shove it in a metal tube,

My daughter's missing. She's not answering her phone.

My father insists that I keep an extra phone battery on me.

My parents were thrilled when I got my GED.

My pleasure.

Nice little break in the day.

Nice punch.

Nice to meet you.

Nick Panero's giving it.

No way. I already feel like a SWAT unit.

No, a lot of people are like that.

No, I don't have a belt guy.

No, I don't.

No, no, no, no. No need, really.

No, that's me twice. That doesn't work.

No, they do, but we choose not to.

No!

No!

No. Actually, I don't have a lot, no.

No. Muhrtelle. I got it right away. I'm pretty good.

Non entity.

Non lethal. I get it now.

Nope, F.

Nope, my fault. I startled you.

Nope.

Nor would I, ever.

Norbertine Shipping out of Hamburg, Germany.

Normally we're not gonna file a missing persons report

Not an intermission.

Not following you.

Not necessary.

Not now, honey. Daddy's on the phone. Go with Mommy.

Not really. I haven't been able to tell my dad.

Not today, death! Not today!

Not too long ls that your dad?

Not too much fun.

Now, don't move.

Now, give me back my daughter!

Now, go to him.

Now, go. Have fun.

Now, I do have a guy on the inside

Now, I need you to establish a perimeter and lock down the premises.

Now, the qualities you seek, they're in him.

Now, we're leaving the van Gogh for last,

Now, what can I do for you?

Now, where exactly did...

Obviously, he didn't.

Of a woman like Divina?

Of anybody under the age of 18,

Of course I can, if I want some smog on my earthquake flakes!

Officer Blart.

Officer, how can I help you?

Oh, boy.

Okay, actually, I'm...

Okay, clear this place out.

Okay, Divina, listen very intently.

Okay, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts.

Okay, first of all, you need to slow things down a bit.

Okay, okay, okay. Now, we're gonna talk...

Okay, see? Look at that right there.

Okay, well, I see you know your way around a p133.

Okay, yeah. I mean, no, you should...

Okay, you lost me on that last one.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Let's switch out all the other pieces before the rest get upgraded.

On second thought, I think I'd rather air dry.

On vacation, I'm like a cheetah chasing a faster cheetah.

One more second here, There.

Or a campus.

Or am I ordering my next uniform from Rochester Big and Humid?

Or had I?

Or maybe we should just do what they say.

Or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo.

Our only power is in letting go.

Pain!

Paul Blart had officially peaked.

Paul?

Paul?

Paul? I catch you at a bad Mme?

Perfect. All right, I want to be in and out in less than nine hours, people.

Perfect. What are you doing?

Philadelphia Farmers' Market.

Pick it up. Pick it up before he ruins it.

Please, ma'am, I practically invented the fake boyfriend thing.

Please.

Pleasure to meet a fellow brother in arms.

Pleasure's mine.

Problem?

Pumpkin, my body's fine.

Ramos, this is Henk.

Ramos.

Random selection. No need to get too nervous.

Really? Well, you know what? I've lost my appetite.

Relentless.

Right? Look at that. Smiley.

Roger that, Officer Ericone. That was straight to the throat.

Roger that.

Rumblings? About the keynote.

Saul Gundermutt,

Saul Gundermutt,

Saul! Help me! Help me!

Secure the painting and let's get out of here.

Security chose me!

Security.

Security's been breached.

See you later, Tom and Rita. You guys are awesome. Take care.

See you.

See, I knew you couldn't be trusted, so I took out an insurance policy.

See, it's easy to fall in love, but hard to find someone to catch you.

See, there's a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities.

See, Vincent, I'm fiercely independent,

See? I told you I feel no admiration for you,

Seven out. Craps.

Shame on you.

She just... She just called.

She says you can't be alone

She's good.

She's very patriotic.

Shipping. Thank you.

Shows you how I live my fife!

Since I was named head of security five years ago,

Since there's no way you're a day over 30,

Since when do you use the word zip?

Sir, can I get you a drink?

Sir, come on. This table's really hot.

Sir, I can help you down here.

Sir, you're gonna have to place a bet if you want to stand at the table.

Sir.

So before you retreat behind that wall we all put up,

So I am in, okay? What do I do?

So if you don't mind, okay?

So it'd mean a lot if you could be there, peanut.

So Nadia will coordinate the new order.

So Paul Blart hadn't officially peaked after all.

So she got to sample the merchandise

So sorry, there are no special favors.

So thank you. First one warmed me up, this one brought it home.

So they don't have a football team

So, instead, how about a nice, warm Expo welcome

Some people think that holding on is what makes one strong.

Someone who has Spidey senses when things are going wrong.

Someone's gonna have to call that in, get that changed, okay?

Sorry about that.

Sorry, no offense.

Sorry.

Sorry. Big man on a rope!

Sorry. Sorry to startle you, sir.

Sort of like someone's mother last Columbus Day.

Stand back.

Staten Island Industrial Complex.

Stay on the phone with me. I'm on my way!

Stealing a nap in a Brookstone massage chair.

Still gonna need a valid license, though.

Still got the laminate.

Strange. Okay, let's go.

Sugar level drops, so do I.

Sugar.

Suggesting we make an exchange.

Sunshine, you still in the tub?

Sure, you can meet all kinds of people in this line of work.

Sync up.

Sync.

Take a dip! Yeah!

Takes a certain breed.

Taking out your crew one by one,

Thank you, Officer Gundermutt.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Time for some lunch.

Thanks for telling me Victoria's secret.

That actually felt really good.

That didn't even glance off the chest. It went right up.

That do not have time to let you play out

That doesn't sound like something that can be fixed here.

That got real.

That I was not making advances towards you earlier,

That is just terrific.

That is, until she got drilled by a milk truck.

That just is off the hook after 9:00. It just gets crazy.

That man, sitting right over there. That man,

That paid good money to hear you speak.

That she had what I like to call some regrets.

That should do it.

That was in the throat.

That was in the throat.

That would be great.

That would change my life forever.

That's a full on cry.

That's a very good choice. Nice. Gold.

That's a very good defense. One more!

That's all I am to you.

That's borderline black. I wouldn't eat that if I were you. That's...

That's clean glass. Okay.

That's how the good Lord made us.

That's just it.

That's not true. They didn't pay anything, but they do deserve your best.

That's okay. I needed a little time to myself.

That's orange chicken.

That's Paul Blart.

That's sickening.

That's so cool' you got into UCLA. You must be stoked!

That's the problem.

That's why we have you.

That's why we're no good at running hurdles, and we never will be.

The adjustments are off on the sight. I can tell, it's a little off here.

The buttons on your uniform are rivet brass,

The globe lights up with copper wiring.

The helicopter is fueled and ready.

The housekeepers are all good friends of mine.

The journey is hard,

The last couple of days really reracked my priorities.

The most effective non lethal beanbag firearm on the market today.

The road of life is hard.

The Safety Medal of Honor.

The Security Officers Trade Association is proud to bestow on Officer Paul Blart

The Vitru Sonic Taser renders your assailant incapacitated for five seconds at a time.

Then out of the corner of my eye I see this other guy,