Jeff Sessions Gump Cold Open - SNL Edit

CARROTS. SHE IS THE BEST TALKER YOU EVER

EVER TALKED TO THEM. I GOT SO NERVOUS AND CONFUSED I

GOT ABOUT AS WORKED UP AS A DOUBLE DONGED PIGGY IN A ROOM

HE SHOOK MY HAND LIKE THIS. BEING IN THE GOVERNMENT IS SO

HEARD. THEY SAY SHE COULD SELL STINK TO

HELLO. MY NAME IS JEFF, JEFF SESSIONS. WOULD YOU LIKE A CHOCOLATE?

HIS NAME WAS SERGEI KISLEYA. I REMEMBER ANY NAME WITH GAY

I ALWAYS SAY, LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

I AM THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE WHOLE UNITED STATES.

I JUST GOT TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY TIES TO

I MET WITH A FELLOW WHO TURNED OUT TO BE RUSSIAN ON THE ACCOUNT

I STARTED RUNNING, AND RUNNING. I ENDED ALL THE WAY SITTING AT

I WAS ON THE COVER OF "THE NEW YORK TIMES," YOU WANT TO SEE?

I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND SEE MR. TRUMP.

I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER OF THESE CHOCOLATES.

MESSAGES AND PHONE ALERTS, SAYING I WAS A SNEAKY LITTLE

MY NAME'S MINNY, YOU DON'T KNOW ME, I AM FROM A DIFFERENT MOVIE.

ROLL FOR A WHOLE HOUR. WE WAS ALL AS HAPPY AS A MONKEY

STARTED ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT, RUSSIA, IF I

THIS BUS STOP WITH YOU. >> WELL IT IS A NICE DAY FOR IT.

WITH A CONGRESSIONAL HEARING. THIS SENATOR FROM UP NORTH

>> ALL RIGHT, WELL I AM GOING TO HAVE ONE.

>> I WASN'T GOING TO REMEMBER IT ANYWAY.

>> OH, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN ALABAMA REMEMBER THAT, SIR.

>> OH, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN ALABAMA REMEMBER THAT, SIR.