Down By The River | Saturday Night Live Edit

And that is for me to get my gear, move it on in here, 'cause I'm gonna bunk with you, buddy.

Concerned. Celia, the cleaning lady was in the family room and she found a bag of

Crowd here. Matt, come on up buddy!

Dad, I wish you could just shut your big yapper.

Direction. A motivational speaker.

Divorced, and I live in a van down by the river.

Foley and I am a motivational speaker. Now, let's

Get started by lettin' me give you a little bit of a scenario of what my life

Gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in

How's everybody? Good, good, good.

I want to live in a van down by the river.

In a van down by the river. Now, you kids are probably asking yourselves, hey

Is all about. First off, I am 35 years old, I am

Is called "Go for it". ow, he's used to big groups so make him feel like there's a

Is the back door locked?

Last four hours and he should be all ready to go. I'll call him

Life?

Lot of doobie rollin' when you're livin' in a van down by the river.

Matt, how can we get back on the right track?

My pocket. Well, I'm hear to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go

Now, young man, what do you want to do with your life?

Out there, that you're not going to amount to jack

Pals, my amigos. I'm gonna get my gear.

Paper not for writin', but for rollin' doobies. You're gonna be doin' a

Parents, huh?

Pot.

Shakespeare over there?

Squat. [audience laughing]

The

This family communication session.

Up. Matt, we're ready for ya. His speech

We're gonna be buddies, we're gonna be pals, we're gonna wrestle around. [audience laughing]

We're gonna have to clean that up later. Me and my buddies.

Well, as I see it there is only one solution

Well, la di frickin' da.

Whoopsadaisy. My God.

You're gonna end up eating a 'sghetti diet and government cheese and livin' in a van down by the river.

[Ellen] Uh huh.

[Ellen] Your father and I came up with a brilliant idea to give you kids some

All right,

All right, later.

All right, well, Stacy, Brian, you're father, Ted and I are a little bit

Brian. Stacy. You're mother, Ellen and I are so glad you decided to join us for

But we know you don't want to hear this from us.

Crack, ice, boom, pow.

Hey, hey, hey come on you guys. This set me back a few bucks. Okay, his name is

Hey, mom, dad.

I don't give a rat's behind, 'cause I'm movin' in. I'm sick and tired of livin' in

I don't have to do that! We'll never smoke pot again.

I love you too.

I'm askin' to be your shadow. Here's you, here's Matt.

Is

No, she didn't smoke it.

No, we just wanted the family to talk as a group.

Now as your father probably told you, my name is Matt

Now, I wonder, Brian, from what I've heard your using your

Now, we're not here to come down on you. I mean, that's not what we're about, okay?

Now, you kids are probably sayin' to yourselves hey, I'm gonna go out and I'm

Okay, well, let's get it started then.

She didn't smoke it, did she?

So, what's up? You guys getting divorced or something?

Sure, I mean, we're your parents. Who wants to hear this stuff from their

Uh, Matt, uh, thanks for all you've done.

Wait, Matt, you don't have to go. Matt, Matt.

We got ourselves a writer here. Hey dad, I can't see real good. Is that Bill

We love you, dad.

We're just concerned that pot could lead to other things.

Well, actually Matt, Ellen and I have encouraged Brian in his writing.

Well, you have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river when you're livin'

Yeah right.

Yeah, one of those guys who speaks to big groups at high schools and churches?

Yes.

You mean, to come to the house?

Young lady, what do you want to do with your life?

[audience applause]

[audience applause]

[audience laughing]

[audience laughing]

[audience laughing]

[crash]

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