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Home > Cabin Boy (1994)
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Cabin Boy (1994)

Cabin Boy (1994)

Cabin Boy is a 1994 comedy film directed by Adam Resnick. This quirky and offbeat movie follows the misadventures of Nathanial Mayweather, a snobbish and naive young aristocrat played by Chris Elliott, who mistakenly ends up working as a cabin boy on a fishing ship. Throughout his journey, Nathanial encounters a bizarre and eccentric crew, including the mysterious and menacing Captain Greybar, portrayed by James Gammon, and the enigmatic, half-man-half-shark creature, Chocki, played by Russ Tamblyn.

With its absurdist humor and surreal scenarios, Cabin Boy remains a cult classic, appealing to those who appreciate unconventional and unconventional storytelling. The film features a unique blend of comedy, fantasy, and adventure, making it a memorable and entertaining experience.

If you are interested in reliving the whimsical sounds and moments from Cabin Boy, you can both play and download them here. Immerse yourself in the zany world of Nathanial Mayweather and his encounters with a myriad of oddball characters, and enjoy the comedic brilliance that is Cabin Boy.

A bit spicy.
A human tree stump.
A quiet time.
A walkin' Popsicle!
Aaah! We got any options here?
About a number 15 it feels like. Ooo kay.
Actually it's been nine days. Time flies.
Actually, I was thinking I'd kill for a cheesesteak and a bottle of scotch.
After a brief derailment, my life is back on its proper course.
Ah, it looks like somethin' you'd dream about after a quart of Jack Daniels...
Ah, stop that. You'll have my glass eye foggin' over. Here.
Ahh, iced cappuccino. Thank you, garcon.
All right, don't, don't do that. You're going to get me going.
All right, fine. That's what I'm gonna do then.
All right, Geronimo. Let's get your ass out there.
All right, listen up! We're gonna sail outta here tonight...
All right, you icy bastard! How about a hot cup o' joe?
All right. Fine.
All right. Hold him tonight. just one bear cub to you.
All this anxiety from being in a strange and mysterious land...
All we know how to do is fish.
All with the same goal in life: Catch fish, sell 'em, get drunk and get laid.
All you gotta do is keep your eyes open for other boats, cars, flying saucers, shit like that.
Along comes another nauseating legend.
And a couple of bad sausages.
And blossom into manhood.
And don't quit until every, square inch of this deck is clean...
And exactly, how much rope are you gonna let out, about ten feet or so?
And he's booked me first class passage on the Queen Catherine.
And I am this close to turning your powdered ass into chum.
And I say we dump that jinx kid. He's a born Jonah.
And I want you to think of his fat, pimpled ass every time you slip into his boots!
And I was halfway there until you blew the whole thing!
And I wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place.
And I, um...
And if you behave yourself,
And in about a week, when your shift is over, give this rope a tug and we'll haul you in.
And it is my sincere hope that you will bring dignity and humility to that high honor.
And keep running straight on through till mornin'.
And now, enough of your silly gibberish. Go fetch me a cup of bouillon before I retire.
And remind him that we're almost out of margarine.
And the bad thing is Chocki's kind of flighty by nature.
And the net's torn to pieces.
And then, you know, it's off to the mall and lunch.
And this stinking garbage scow.
And until we take her to Maryland, could we please curb the language?
And we'll be headed straight for Hawaii.
And you know what? When we reach the islands, I may buy you a big red, shiny apple.
And you're just stage actors pretending to be filthy drunkards.
Are clean!
Are you meaning to imply this is not the Queen Catherine?
Are you sure this is what you want?
As a church piss house.
As a fancy lad, respecting those around you is both your duty and your obligation.
As I'm sure you're well aware, Reichmaster Timmons,
As soon as we get to the island, he's history,.
As your recently trained lover, I'm ordering you to assist me.
Attentionne, messieurs.
Aw, not bad. I'd do it.
Awards all around.
Azure Peak!
Basically, money. I come from six generations of seamen.
Basically, you just saunter your ass into the jungle. You'll run into her eventually.
Be calm. Do it. Do it to it.
Because an hour ago, I made the mistake of using your swimming diary to light the stove.
Because they're gonna start the banquet soon and I must tell you, I am famished.
Before sundown, so no screwing around.
Between forging girders and swimming,
Big dummy. Yeah!
Big Teddy, thank you. A welcome home sandwich.
Bless you.
Bonsoir.
Boring. What's another word for it?
Bowl yawn.
Bowl yun.
Boy, you're cute. Gosh, what a sweet little outfit.
Bravo. Bravo, everyone. Long live the theater.
Bring back bread.
But I am developing deep, deep feelings for you...
But I'd be happy to take you up on a leg waxing.
But it don't taste pretty.
But right now, we have to go help our friends.
But the sea is part of me now too.
But you don't have to treat him like an animal.
Bye.
Can you see the question mark above my head?
Captain Greybar says I got the attention span of a circus monkey.
Change the course of the boat and head it for Hawaii.
Chocki. He must of sensed we were kind of debasing the kid a little bit. Now, he's pissed.
Close
Close
Come back here, boy! You're out of your mind.
Come here, you little rat bastard.
Come on over here, honey. You've managed to charm me with your moronic innocence.
Come on, fellas. Looky what I fished out of the ocean.
Come on, it was just a joke.
Come on, mister, don't be sore at us. We didn't diddle nobody, especially your wife.
Come on, now. Gentlemen, please.
Come on, Skunk! Poke his eye out or somethin'.
Come on, squirt. We're just a bunch of old, broken down fishermen.
Come on, Trina.
Come on, we're on an official rescue mission here. Let's go.
Come on, we've gotta finish before my husband, Mulligan, comes home.
Come on, you're doing very well.
Come on. You too. Come, come, come.
Cork it! From here on out, since we're one hand short,
Damn it, woman! You promised me when we were married, you'd quit helping lonely sailors.
Damn.
Dance, boy, dance!
Dear Lord,
Deliciously chic.
Despite my smothering obsessiveness.
Did I mention I have an incredible crush on you?
Did you ever try, pattin' her on the ass? That usually drives 'em wild.
Do I hate them fancy lads.
Do not be embarrassed, cabin boy.
Do si do.
Don't chew it all in one place, shit for brains.
Don't need a church to find my way
Don't this beat all, boys?
Don't walk away from me. Come back. No, no, no. Don't make me run.
Don't worry, about me, Timmons. My life shall never be anything less than perfect.
Don't you guys have any guns or anything? Can't we do something?
Don't you walk away from me, you big talking walrus!
Donkeys are on sale today through Thursday and be sure to visit our linen department...
Driftwood, palm leaves, tree sap, tree glue and a shit load of gravel.
Dullsville. It's Dullsville.
Equals one complete gentleman.
Ever since I ran away from the honor farm.
Every, instinct in my lower half tells me the Holy Father has preordained our meeting.
Everybody, get your asses outside! Move, move, move!
Excuse me.
Faith has truly brought us together.
Fancy lad!
Fellas, I was just thinking. I'm sure my daddy would give you all jobs at the hotel.
Filthy swine.
Finito!
Fish sticks ain't gonna be the same without ya.
Following our exalted head
For some reason, when you say it, I actually like it.
For the ten millionth time, don't kiss me!
Fret not, Daddy. I shall be with you in a saint's whisper.
From Stephenwood, tomorrow, after graduation.
Frozen seafood.
Funny you should mention screwups,
Gee, they ought to rename this place "Wackyville."
Geez, thanks.
Geez, you must spend a fortune on mittens.
Gentlemen, may I talk to you about a subject which brings me great embarrassment?
Get 'im! Get 'im!
Get out of my face, you half assed Edgar Bergen.
Get outta my sight before you join him!
Get outta these sissy clothes and go put on some of Kenny's duds. God rest his sweet soul.
Get over here, perfume boy!
Gimme the go ahead, Cap, and I'll kill him.
Gives me the double dark willies just eye ballin' it.
Go buy yourself a spritzer.
Go play with him. Play nice.
Goddammit, what am I supposed to do now? Catch 'em with my hands?
Goddammit. Fuck it. I'll never get out of here.
Good afternoon, madam. Would you like to buy a donkey?
Good bye, everyone.
Good bye, Trina.
Good bye.
Good luck, Nathanial. Be brave.
Good morning, Paps.
Good riddance, you horrible, dreadful, nasty little bastard.
Grab the wheel!
Great idea, Skipper. Finally, some peace and quiet.
Gum.
Had I known he'd be blown overboard by a gust of wind, I never would have suggested it.
Half man, half shark...
Has it been a week already?
He did it.
He's going down into the water.
Hell's Bucket. No rhyme or reason to it.
Hello, miss!
Hello?
Hello.
Here they are. Your fish stick kitties.
Here's a switch: You play and we'll dance for you!
Here's how a harem girl dances.
Hey, how 'bout one that spits tobacco?
Hey, let's make snow angels. Come on, come!
Hey, one more thing? Is it true it's unsafe to drink seawater?
Hey, where the hell are they going?
Hey, you wanna learn a little fisherman's Greek?
Hey! Take a look at this.
Hey... What the...
Hi, honey. How was your day at the shop?
Holy Christ in a dump truck!
Holy crap!
Hopeless. Absolutely, utterly goddamned hopeless. I don't know why we keep trying.
How do I get to this woman? Come on, give me precise directions, will ya?
How does the moon greet her daughters?
How'd you like me to put my foot up your ass?
However, I cannot help you with your problem...
Hurry, Trina! Faster, faster!
I ain't supposed to let nobody on the boat 'cause...
I ain't too swift about other stuff, but I know maps real good.
I can show you to that ship of yours.
I can't be part of that.
I can't say as I blame you, standing by yourself.
I cut their heads off with a nail clipper.
I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes to win over Trina.
I don't know exactly what this means, but a giant iceberg just winked at me.
I don't know how to break it to you guys, but you're about to make a new friend.
I don't know, Cappy.
I don't like this!
I don't think Aristotle could've said it better.
I don't think your Capt. Greybar is qualified to cast aspersions on the character of others.
I felt closest to you throughout all of this.
I guess you'll be eatin' off of silver slippers from here on out, hmm?
I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I hate this kid.
I hate this.
I have been wandering this dreary, village...
I have no idea. just a big guy, I guess.
I I just don't get it. She seems totally uninterested in me,
I just pray that those boots have adequate arch support because I have problem feet...
I just wanted to stop by and say,
I know that salty sea talk is a big part of being a fisherman, but Trina is our guest.
I know, I look too disheveled to board, but I assure you, the captain will understand.
I mean, figuratively speaking, of course.
I mean, who could do such a thing? That would be insane.
I merely suggested that you have the driving ability of a brain dead laboratory, ape.
I might as well go back to devourin' wild boar and sleep on the beach.
I must also tell you that these feelings are not just of the zipper variety.
I must take offense to that. I haven't powdered my bottom since I was 17...
I need something to drink fast. Come on! Come on. Come on.
I never thought I'd be so happy to see you again...
I only pray that I'm not thrown off by your lack of four additional arms.
I pray, do not allow me to break a sweat.
I realize that you are most likely the product of lower class inbreeding.
I smell of the sea, and there's no smell more honest or admirable.
I think it's obvious. I'm trying to give him foot pain.
I thought mealtime could use a little sprucing up around here.
I told the man a thousand times not to open the window in the nanny's room.
I violated one of the rules set forth by the World's Record committee.
I was never real good at figurin' stuff out. Captain says I'm dumb as a carp.
I was sleeping! And by you yanking me onto this floating Dumpster,
I was swimming around the world, Maryland to Maryland.
I will be, Nathanial. All right.
I, I gotta make a phone call!
I'd like her to give me a spanking.
I'd like to get me a fish in the boat sometime before I'm 90.
I'll be with you uno momento, my friend.
I'll feel better once we get outta these waters.
I'll go and meet my Essie May
I'll have you incarcerated.
I'll just get right back in. I don't know what you... Hey! Come back here, you!
I'm a drifter and a loner at heart.
I'm about to embark on a brisk walk,
I'm afraid to say it.
I'm all thumbs. I'm just so stupid!
I'm awful tasty, Paps...
I'm back, fellas.
I'm beginning to wonder if it's really people like you...
I'm burning up. There's gotta be some lotion in here.
I'm not gonna touch you, shake your hand or get near you because you're all of that.
I'm now going to show you everything I've been taught.
I'm so proud of you, Nathanial.
I'm sorry, sir. I was just pondering what drifter's corpse you stole those shoes from.
I'm sorry,. Could you explain this chore to me one more time?
I'm sure things will pick up once word of mouth gets out.
I'm to take over the family run hotel chain in beautiful sun drenched Hawaii.
I've become one of them. We've bonded.
I've been keeping that diary, for 15 years, you ape!
I've got cabin fever or raft fever. I've got some kind of fever.
I've had it since infancy.
I've had it with you bunch of stinkos in here.
I've permanently yanked the silver spoon from my mouth,
If he opens up that hole any wider, we're all gonna be bunkin' on the bottom tonight.
If I'd have just listened to Mommy, I'd have gone into the goddamned butcher business,
If my poor daddy doesn't hear from me soon, there's no telling what he might do.
If there's one thing I hate, it's a wiseass.
If they saw something like that, but luckily I have an open mind about this sort of thing...
If you care to kiss it right here.
If you hinder my arrival, I'll just have my daddy put you all on trial and have you hanged.
If you'll point this swill heap towards Hawaii, comprende?
In other words, she'll clean your pipes six ways to Sunday.
Instead of standing around philosophizin' like a bunch of old washer women,
Is a 14th century Norwegian evening derby.
Is it your little spring outfit?
Is the Chatman Street method.
Is the Chatman Street method.
Is there not one person on this boat who's not monstrously insane?
It could never work out with us.
It courses through my veins and through my organs and through my bladder.
It is performed thusly.
It is unfair to ask you to continue in the presence of this cackling baboon!
It was a stupid idea to open up a housewares store on this island.
It was like honey from the lips of an angel.
It would my pleasure, my dear underpaid professor.
It's a little something we call "outward watch."
It's a pretty color.
It's in my ear all night.
It's lunchtime. Yeah, it's lunchtime.
It's painfully obvious to me that you have no idea who you're dealing with here.
Je sus! I never saw a man p whipped so fast in my life!
Just my luck. I fall in love for the first time in my life and it's with a corpse.
Just when you think you've heard everything about Hell's Bucket,
Just... stay the hell away from me.
Kenneth, uh...
Kenny! Get your fat, worthless ass over here!
Kenny.
Kiddo, you are "A" number one in my book, you know that? You are top dollar.
Kill you separately, or toss you in the boat with your little friends and then sit on it?
Kinda reminds me of Long Island City.
Kindly step forward and give us your presentation.
Least you have a job to go off to.
Legend has it, a Viking ship went down in Hell's Bucket 500 years ago.
Leo, no, no, no.
Let her rip.
Let me guess. Your little swimmer friend is giving you the old freeze job, huh?
Let's get something to eat. Come on.
Let's go, Nathanial. Okay.
Listen here, boy. You got us groin deep in trouble...
Listen to me. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you at sea,
Listen, do yourself a favor. Don't let 'em give you any of that flank steak bullshit.
Listen, do yourself a favor. Don't let 'em give you any of that flank steak bullshit.
Listen, Nathanial,
Look at this.
Look at you. Dirty, shabby, common looking.
Look at you. Dirty, shabby, common looking.
Look, I am in desperate need of assistance.
Looks like Kenny got us off course.
Looks like we ain't got a choice.
Made like him Like him we rise
Marvelous!
May your days be full of mirth and good fortune.
Maybe it's just a fancy word for chum.
Me and Paps will steer through as best we can. Hey, woman!
Melt, you frozen, goofy lookin' son of bitch! Melt!
Miss, excuse me? Geez.
Move! Move!
Mr. Mythology Whiz, what the hell is that?
Must come... down!
My big Teddy. Thanks.
My dear daddy has arranged for my immediate departure...
My God!
My Lord, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.
My luxurious suite on the Queen Catherine awaits me.
My own invention. Thank you very, much.
My steak and eggs are pretty well digested.
Nathanial,
Nathanial, how can you be so naive?
Nathanial, no man's ever talked to me like that without eating my knuckles.
Nathanial, what are we going to do with you?
Nathanial, whatever shall become of you?
Nathanial! You may sit down, Lawrence.
Nathanial?
Nathanial.
No problem. But, ah, not another peep, zip, boop. You need your rest.
No shit! Okay, moron,
No, absolutely. In fact, I overheard him telling somebody,
No, you were just lying there like a rat in a swimming pool...
No! It was me who made sweet love to your receptive wife. The others are innocent.
No. Thanks, but I plan to swim back right after I grab lunch.
Nope.
Not a promising development.
Not bad for a Jonah.
Not crazy about the idea.
Not really. I sold one electric toothbrush to a flyin' leprechaun.
Not that slow, imbecile. Speed up!
Now sic him! Come on, sic him!
Now that he's taken a shine to the kid here, he's probably following us,
Now what should I do?
Now, he'll have some company on that island.
Now, heel and toe.
Now, I know what you're thinkin'.
Now, let's go enjoy some tea and honey dipped willy pumps.
Now, see here. I don't know what kind of nonsense you're...
Now, where's that naughty Captain? He knows it's suppertime.
Obviously there's been a little mix up here and I seem to have boarded the wrong vessel.
Oddly enough, it kind of tastes like marzipan. Huh, go figure.
Of course not. Where would you get that silly idea?
Of course. Heaven forbid...
Of extraordinarily rich young men who happen to have rather large penises.
Oh, Cappy, you're the hardest one to say good bye to.
Oh, Christ! Take a look.
Oh, finally. Okay.
Oh, forget it. This is a waste of time.
Oh, forget it. Uh, you really... This one you got me completely stumped on.
Oh, geez, that's different, isn't it?
Oh, geez! I knew this too.
Oh, geez! Okay, okay, keep it in your pants for five seconds, will ya, honey?
Oh, geez.
Oh, geez. Where are you...
Oh, great. Well, you know what I always say:
Oh, greeting, fellow fishermen.
Oh, I see.
Oh, I see. This is the Queen Catherine.
Oh, I'm sorry,. I was just thinking how much fun it is to roast pumpkin seeds.
Oh, it's beautiful countryside, isn't it?
Oh, Jesus. Where the hell are we?
Oh, look, you have a hard piece of seaweed stuck to you. Let me just pull it.
Oh, Lord, spare me another one of these insanities.
Oh, Lordy, I know what you're thinkin; Mr. Skunk.
Oh, man, oh, man,
Oh, my God! You're delirious!
Oh, my, they sure do have an eye for detail, don't they?
Oh, my.
Oh, Nathanial.
Oh, no! I told you a long time ago, no wife of mine is ever gonna work.
Oh, now I get it! Sorry!
Oh, Skunk? Mr. Expert?
Oh, so we're gonna drop her off in Maryland? What the hell is this, a crosstown bus?
Oh, sure. In fact, I think I have the picture of his backside in my wallet...
Oh, sure. That sounds like fun. Hit me.
Oh, thank you. Thank...
Oh, that was so nice, you moron!
Oh, this makes a lot of sense.
Oh, Trina, you're still here.
Oh, Trina. I don't know why or how this is happening to me,
Oh, wonderful! The boys must have fixed the boat and they're taking it out for a test drive.
Oh, yes.
Oh, you do? Great. Well, that'll save us a lot of time.
Okay, a handshake. Well, uh, a handshake's good, I guess.
Okay, come on. Let's get this thing moving! Oh, and thank you for opening the door for me.
Okay, fine. Boy! Boy!
Okay, great. Well, good job, old boy.
Okay, it's official. Nathanial Mayweather has lost his mind.
Okay, let's not waste any time. Here's what we need:
Okay, um... All right, look.
Okay, we're goin' to Hawaii.
Okay, well, thank you for that, whatever that was.
Okay, you're gonna do that.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Here I go.
Okay. I apologize, but there's a happy ending to all this.
Okay. Looks like all we gotta do is shift her...
One of the Vikings was spared a grisly death by a shark who fell in love with him.
One, two, I'm walking.
Ooh, 'cause it's wacky.
Ooh, my, isn't this weather Christmassy?
Oooh! That's it. The head came off and what's inside stinks and that's all I'm doing.
Or dance around the room in your underwear till she gets hot.
Ours across the great blue sky
P whipped. Now, I'm confused. Isn't that French for pudding?
Paps, here's your kitty.
Paps, I think you can go ahead and run downstairs and play now if you like.
Paps, you're such a little card.
Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.
Paps.
Pardon me, I seem to have forgotten your name.
Pardon me...
Perhaps it would be fun if we set the ship's course for Hawaii.
Pipe down, you imbecile. My head is throbbing as it is.
Please join me on the upper deck. I have a little surprise for you.
Please take me to the ship's finest quarters 'cause I wish to draw a hot bath. What a day.
Poked to death by a giant human iceberg!
Pungent, mildly dysfunctional family.
Quick, grab something to whack him with!
Quite robust.
Remember, this is our little secret, yeah?
Right. Okay, then fine. After they've all fallen into their alcohol induced slumbers,
Sassy little thing, ain't she? Want me to give her a spanking?
See ya around, buddy.
See, Skunk said that you were gonna...
Shake your butt outta bed, Thumbelina, we got a lot of work to do!
Sharkman?
She'll clean my pipes, my buddies' too
She'll hike her skirt and toss her shoe
She's a dietitian. Hey.
Shit!
Shit. I knew it was bad luck to swim through Hell's Bucket.
Shoe salesman looking creature!
Simply put, a five pound box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts is yours...
Since you seem so anxious to interrupt the proceedings with your infantile babble,
Sir, it is very, bad manners to pay a visit without a formal invitation.
Six?
Skunk, Ted, you guys stand watch port and starboard.
Skunk.
So are we now where Christ has led
So, he'll be happy about this, huh?
So, Skunk, what do you think? We got enough ocean behind us?
So, things are settling down... which is good.
So, unless you wanna end up as bait, stay outta my face!
Somebody give me a sunflower seed.
Somebody's daddy's missing a leg!
Sorry, but I ain't supposed to talk to nobody while I'm on watch.
Sorry, I don't speak Spanish.
Sorry, we're all outta decaf!
Sorry,. For a second, I thought you were my granny. She's dead.
Staring off into the night sky.
Step, step, step.
Stop it! Stop.
Stop talking like that.
Stop this!
Sure he's clumsy and he's stupid and he's a screwup,
Sweet Henry. She's got more whiskers than a laid off circus clown.
Sweet Jake, Hell's Bucket!
Sweet of you to call it a shop, Calli.
Swine.
Talk about an embarrassing obituary!
Tell Capt. Greybar I hope he enjoys Hawaii.
Tell me about the sea. What does it mean to you?
Thank you very, much. Now, will you please make sure that I'm not disturbed till 'morrow.
Thank you, fellow crewmates, I'm off. And when I return, I shall be a cabin man.
Thank you.
That a boy! I knew you'd do it.
That don't sound like Kenny. He's dumb but he don't take a leak before tellin' me.
That means, "I felt up a girl's ass."
That poor woman.
That sounds a trifle peculiar but I suppose you're the experts.
That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
That was the most courageous and bizarre thing I've ever seen.
That you should experience even the slightest discomfort.
That's a cute kid.
That's a new one to me. It's water, ain't it?
That's a very, good point. I would have been dead had it not been for the sharkman.
That's how I got my last four wives.
That's one little cute fishy this cabin boy done caught hisself.
That's right. No more fish sticks and chocolate milk for our cabin boy!
That's wonderful. I'm flattered when a psychotic becomes smitten with me.
The best bunk we got is the captain's. But I don't think he'd mind, since you know him.
The end!
The faculty and myself have made endless attempts to teach you to curb...
The Golden Mist Seaport.
The good news... is that I may let you live.
The last thing we need is another straggler.
The only thing to do as far as I can tell is find a safe harbor and fix the boat.
The origin of the bowler... can be traced back...
The simplest and most popular way to tip... a hat...
The Viking knocked up the shark?
There goes your little buddy Nathanial, Chocki!
There is someone who could help you with this problem of yours.
There was a fisherman here, wasn't there?
There, by the grace of God, floats away my manhood.
There. Now here's something your fancy ass can't screw up.
There's bad mojo all around here.
There's gotta be some kind of a chromosomal damage with a matchup like that.
There's no such thing as pleasant companionship on this tawdry vessel.
These pipes... are clean.
These stockings I'm wearing are made of pure imported silk from the mountains of Bennenia.
Thinking about the future. What it might bring.
Thirsty.
This is all part of the theme, right? Sure.
This is for you!
This issue is not negotiable.
This kid ain't real.
This little system's workin' out great.
This, my silly, dim witted looking classmates,
This, uh, thing you're talkin' about.
Those sparkly, twinkly things. I forget their technical name.
To the turn of the century.
Tonight, after they've all fallen asleep,
Trina, would you have a little faith in mankind? They would never do that to me.
Trina!
Trina! Trina.
Trina? Trina, what's your problem?
Trying to pull here, but it's painfully obvious...
Uh, cabin boy of The Filthy Whore,
Uh, could somebody please turn up the heat?
Uh, here's my boarding pass.
Uh, it's Linda's. She must've left it here.
Uh, maybe a box of peppermints or some hair care products,
Uh, we made it! Uh, thank you! Thank you!
Uh... here. Willkommen.
Uh...yeah, I guess... if you think he'd like that.
Understand?
Unless you answer the three riddles of the island.
Very few of these exist today, and those that do reside in museums or in the possession...
Wait a sec. Come to think of it,
Wait a second. Maybe there's a way out of this.
Watcher of the equator?
Water, boom boom.
Way to go, kid!
We figured you were hungry, so we bought you a stick of gum.
We gave you a carton of chocolate milk. What else you want?
We go to bed a few hours ago, it's 80 degrees. Now we're freezin' our tails off.
We got us a half crazed boat hopper.
We got us a half crazed boat hopper.
We gotta head him off before he gets his grubby hands on The Filthy Whore! Move!
We'll continue this tomorrow. Besides, you're wearing me out with your incessant babbling.
We'll drop you off in Hawaii,
We'll probably have to shovel him off that raft.
We'll put our little plan into action.
We'll send him out to pick berries or somethin' and then haul ass.
We're in deep shit, Greybar. What the hell are we gonna do?
We're out here for the next three months to catch us some fish!
Well, ah, if she's a refined lady, and I'm sure she is,
Well, don't be discouraged, dear.
Well, I hope you're happy.
Well, I must tell you, for a yellow eyed, gamey smelling lowlife,
Well, I'm off then.
Well, is this the tug that's supposed to take us out to the Queen Catherine?
Well, it was nice almost communicating with you.
Well, it's his scribbles. If this thing's right, look where it's landin' us.
Well, let's just say I've finally shed my feminine side
Well, the downside is, she isn't real easy to get to. She lives in a cave up on a cliff.
Well, they say there's a woman on this very, island...
Well, this is it.
Well, uh, I guess I got everything.
Well, well, well, what's on your mind, little girl?
Well, you ain't got it no more, peckerhead.
Well, you know how it goes. One thing led to another and...
Well... good bye, Nathanial.
Were you dropped on your head as a toddler?
What a bunch of lunkheads.
What are the seven contradictions of Zeripa,
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here? He didn't know...
What are you talkin' about? Your sister hasn't visited in months.
What could be stranger than a big, fat ass, floating cupcake?
What do you call this?
What do you think you're doing?
What do you think you're doing? This is no time for stunt sailing. Stop this immediately.
What in the Savior's name...
What sweet news!
What th...
What the hell are you doing?
What the hell is this?
What the hell ya doin'?
What the hell's that?
What the... You doofus!
What, I...
What?
What? Are you drunk or something?
What? Get outta here!
What? W w w what? What, what, what?
What're we going to do, Captain? We can't just sit here and freeze to death.
What's she lippin' off about now?
What's this? Cooking oil. Maybe that's nature's moisturizer.
What's wrong, pally? This ain't no time to drag your ass. You got it made now.
Whatever you say, Einstein.
When I go ashore and get my pay
Where are you going?
Where in the hell did you come from, missy?
Where in the Savior's name are you going?
Where we passengers pretend we're common type and slum it up a bit.
Which one of you scumbags diddled my wife?
Which one of you scumbags diddled my wife?
Who am I kidding?
Who the hell knows. We're talkin' about a half man, half shark.
Who's helped many a green, young cabin boy come of age...
Why don't you ask me something hard?
Why must we always hide our emotions, Mr. Macho Man?
Why on earth have you stopped this wretched vehicle? What do you think...
Why? They left us here to rot. I hope he kills 'em all.
With galoshes on my feet and a fishing rod in my hand.
With the crew of The Filthy Whore, like one big, happy,
Wouldn't you like to help your weary, captain rest his rum soaked bones?
Wowser!
Yeah, get 'im! Get 'im! Get 'im, Paps!
Yeah, let's have our good friend. We'll have our...
Yeah, look the other way. This is gonna be gruesome.
Yeah, okay. But technically, I'm not solid. My texture's much more like moist bread.
Yeah, pick berries.
Yeah, see ya, kid. Go get yourself a couple of high priced Hawaiian whores for me, huh?
Yeah, those flounders are bloodthirsty bastards.
Yeah, well, I ain't crazy about sittin' on a boat till she sinks and we wind up flounder shit.
Yeah! I am sure.
Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe if we're lucky, he'll die in a few hours.
Yeah. You might say I dropped outta my mama's womb...
Yes!
Yes!
Yes. Good point.
You are a hateful creature, aren't you?
You are now officially a fancy lad.
You can't take my luggage!
You couldn't be cuter. You're so adorable. Oh, my.
You don't understand. It's boring laying around this dump all day.
You go stand in the bow and let us know when we're coming' close to ice.
You have the honor of being the first Mayweather to smell a bit gamy.
You idiot! Do you know what you just did?
You just stay up there and keep them mascara caked eyes of yours peeled for icebergs.
You know what I'm sayin'? Try, the London Broil. Yeah.
You know what I'm sayin'? Try, the London Broil. Yeah.
You know, I honestly think we're onto something here. Hey, nice shoes. Those...
You know, you remind me of my niece Sally. Lovely girl.
You know, you remind me of my niece Sally. Lovely girl.
You look so strong... confident.
You make up shit as you go along!
You mean like Halloween?
You saved our lives, kid. I knew ya had it in ya.
You see, I... am a fancy lad.
You sure got a lot of energy for someone who's half dead from exposure.
You sure got things figured out, don't ya?
You're driving too fast. Slow it down!
You're gonna do every, dirty, shitty, snot soaked job that needs doin' around here!
You're kind of like the scarecrow in that classic children's story,.
You're one of those little fancy lads, aren't ya?
You're the best cabin boy ever, you little monkey!
Your captain has been under a great deal of stress recently and he's in need of a holiday.
Your condescensions towards others.
Your friend's here. He's all tucked in for the night.
Your words melt like butter in my brain.
Yuck.
Yup, that sounds like him. You do good impressions.
250,000 degrees... northeast...
All right, already! you're givin' me the creeps!
Am I missing something here? Holy shit in a handbasket. This moron got on the wrong boat.
And stink. Right.
and that could be trouble. Well, why's he so flighty?
and we got a crack in the mid section that's drawing water. Wonderful!
Are you sure? No, I'm on my way. Your family must be very, proud of you.
Blow! Okay. That'll do it for me. I'll just move it on out.
But I am gonna be on my way. Good for you.
But perhaps you could help me. Oh, gosh, I certainly hope so.
Bye. Think about me, all right?
Can we? Okay, since you know him and all.
Can ya handle that? Kiss my ass!
Congrats, gents! Don't you understand?
despite the fact that you have the breeding of a carnival barker. Lovely.
Did it have the body of a shark and the arms and face of a man? That's the chap.
Excuse me, miss, uh... Have mercy
Get out! Get, get! I I'm... Okay.
Got it? Is there any good news?
Hey, man, pull yourself together. Kenny!
Holy jumpin' jack fish. Chocki!
How ya doin'? Very well. Thank you.
I ain't seen that little sow anywhere. Hey. What the hell is this!
I don't know. I'm not very, bright, remember? Just do it!
I hate you. Sorry,.
I knew I shouldn't have had that last bottle of rotgut. Gentlemen, no, no, no.
I think I'll turn in. Keep it steady, whatever works for you. Okeydokey.
I'm done. Hi.
I'm trying. You're not trying hard enough. Aaah!
is giving me gas. Aw, Christ.
It's a boat. The...
Japan, wherever the hell you're goin'. Thank you, Captain.
Kid, we're just here to catch fish and stink. Mostly the latter.
Kill! Kill! Destroy! Stop it. Trina, stop!
Maybe I should drop anchor. Do you think that'll help?
No, I don't. Yes, you do.
No, it's just no use. When it comes to women, I'm just...
Off I go. Hey, listen, have a good trip, Suzy. Bye bye.
Oh, baby It pays to be yourself.
Oh, I will. Oh, my. Okay.
Okay, boy. I'm officially sick of you now. Take off. Are you quite sure?
Okay, you hit one. Damn it, tell us before we hit the bloody thing.
Okay. Bye, lady. Fine.
One down, five to go. This could take all night. When you put it all...
Please don't harm me. I'm meek as a kitten. Truly I am. Stop. Cease.
Relax. My wig! Take your hands off me.
Right there. Marvelous. I should hurry...
Right. Well, here's your bouillon.
Secure that boom! Aye aye, Captain.
Send us a postcard, Daisy. Bon voyages.
Six. Six.
Stars. Whatever.
Step, step. Yes, I know they're steps. I've seen steps before.
That's a good tip. I shall do it. Sure, pamper yourself.
That's a good tip. I shall do it. Sure, pamper yourself.

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