A demon leprechaun.
A moment of your time.
A typewriter that generates best selling murder mysteries and then makes the murders happen in real life.
Advertising. Wow. So people need help figuring out what to buy, and then you help them.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Alien bureaucrats are gonna arrest you.
All right, hear me out on this.
All right, Morty, let's get let's do it. Why don't you find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat? I think we need to cut our losses when we get our family in portal out...
And how dare you even ask me that?
And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top.
And I know that's not a popular opinion.
And I love sucking big sweaty boners and licking disgusting furry testicle sacks.
And that's the way the news goes.
And that's why I always say Shum Shum Slipp.
Any of your scientists working on anything new?
Anything else?
Are you people even human?
Are you the devil?
Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty but also makes them blind.
Because I got, I got a big, you know, penis between legs.
Because I'm having a party, bitch.
Boy, you really are 17.
Boy, you really got me up against the wall this time, Jerry.
Boy, you really got me up against the wall this time.
But I'll tell you. I'll tell you how, how I feel about school, Jerry.
By the way, life on other planets exists.
By the way, life on other planets exists. Don't let it distract you.
Calm down, Jerry.
Can you get to the left nipple?
Como.
Could you lick my balls?
Couldn't help but notice that you were having problems generating power.
Course not, Morty.
Cromulon from the Cygnus 5 expanse.
De TI.
Did you hear me say?
Do you really think this world is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details.
Does evil exist, and if so, can one detect and measure?
Don't be a baby.
Don't be like that.
Don't break an arm jerking yourself off.
Don't give a fuck what you think.
Don't hate the player. Hate the game, son.
Don't look at me, dude.
Dumb name.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Earth
Eating that motherfucking ice cream. Slurping, slurping, slurping it up.
Energy wise.
Everybody over 30, do this with your hand.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Fart 1
Fart 2
Fine.
Fineγ
For the love of God, be quiet.
From Earth Dimension C137.
Fuck Em.
Fuck them. Fuck those people.
Fuck this whole thing.
Fuck those people.
Fuck you.
Fuck.
Gazorbazorp in the Andromeda system.
Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system.
Geez, you're easy to impress.
Geez, you're easy to impress.
Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now.
Give me a SEC.
Go clean the toilets. Maybe you'll make friends with some turds.
Go to the bathroom.
Good idea.
Gotta rip that Band-Aid off now. You'll thank me later.
Gotta rip that Band-Aid off now. You'll thank me later.
Hat trick.
Hell yeah.
Hello nowγ
Hello.
Here we go.
Here's dessert. Fuck you.
Hey Brow.
Hey everybody.
Hey everybody.
Hey little buddy, how you doing in here right now?
Hey Wh.
Hey, I'm not judging. Just like to shoot straight.
Hey, I'm not judging. Just like to shoot straight.
Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, I might watch a movie.
Hey.
Hi, sweetie.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
How about some Scotch whiskey? You got any of that around here?
How about that drink?
How.
How's business?
I ask you to do one thing.
I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation.
I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this.
I couldn't say so until he got in the shower. They won't monitor us in here.
I disagree.
I don't give a fuck to shake that ass, bitch and let me see what you got. Just shake that ass, bitch and let me see what you got. Roll credits. Just shake that and roll the credits. Go. That's the ...
I don't give a fuck.
I don't have time to for you to wrap your little walnut around everything. Just hold your breath until the process is over or your lungs will collapse.
I don't know how much. I don't know what that is. Is that a lot? Is it a little?
I don't know what do you think? I know everything about everything.
I don't know.
I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation.
I don't wanna overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house, it's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar.
I got a big, you know, penis between my legs.
I guess I remember that.
I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
I haven't seen you in months.
I I don't know what you mean by that. Could you be a little bit more specific?
I just got back from Walmart. They're selling Nintendo 3DS systems for one 4999 on sale. Plus every time you buy one you get a $50.00 gift card. Brings the total price down to $110 after tax.
I just want you to know between us, from now on it's going to be 100% honesty and open, clear communication.
I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around and it's all scary and different, but you know, meeting them head on, charging right into him like a bull. That's how we grow a...
I know that's not a popular opinion, that's my two cents on the issue.
I mean, we got, we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business.
I mean, we got, we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on.
I mean, you're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taught yet malleable.
I need you to do me a favor.
I need your help.
I never had any kids of my own.
I remember the conversation.
I thought you'd never ask.
I want to go home.
I want you to find Doctor Xenon Bloom. He'll know what's going on.
I was thinking, you know, I might watch a movie.
I wouldn't want to offend you in any way.
I wouldn't want to offend you in any way.
I'll see you around.
I'll tell you what though if. It's satisfaction you're after. I think I might have an idea.
I'll tell you what, I'll do your favor. I'll throw in a fart.
I'm a genius. I build robots for fun.
I'm being polite.
I'm great.
I'm holding a box of Tic Tacs right now.
I'm Jerry Smith and I love sucking big, sweaty and licking disgusting furry testicle sacks.
I'm kidding.
I'm not looking for judgment, just a yes or no.
I'm simply going to download the contents of your brain and then kill you.
I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings. I know. You know I mean it too.
I'm sorry, are you the scientist? Are you the kid that wanted to get laid?
I'm trying to concentrate.
I've heard stories from other Rick's.
If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread.
In your face.
It hits hard. That slowly fades, leaving it stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are going to do it. Rise above. Focus on science.
It really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be.
It was your idea.
It's a waste of time.
It's all cool.
It's gonna be good.
It's hard for us to comprehend all this.
It's like that old song blah blah blah nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke.
It's time to go back to our lives.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Jesus Christ.
Joking me.
Just a yes or no.
Just don't get too big for your loafers, Buster Brown.
Just give me a gun. I'll kill myself.
Just hit a button, Morty. Give me a beat. Oh, man. OK, all right. Oh yeah. You gotta get swiftly. You gotta get Swifty in here. It's time to get Swifty. Oh, oh, we gotta get Swifty. Oh yeah. Take o...
Just kidding. I don't care.
Keep your hands off your Ding Ding.
Keep your hands off your Ding Ding.
Kentucky.
Kind of makes you wonder, huh?
Later.
Later.
Let me ask you something.
Let me hear everybody say hey, Oh yeah.
Let's forget the girl altogether. She's probably nothing but trouble anyway.
Lick, lick, lick my balls.
Lick, lick, lick my balls. Yeah, say that all the time.
Like nothing shady ever happened in a fully furnished office. You ever hear about Wall Street, Morty?
Listen to me, I got an errand to run in in a whole different dimension.
Listen to me. I got an errand to run in in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands.
Listen, I'm not the nicest guy in the universe.
Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez from Earth Dimension C137. Don't mean you any harm. Coming in peace. It's all cool in the good in the neighborhood is what I was trying to, is what I meant.
Listen, Jerry, I don't overset my bounds or anything. It's your house, it's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar. But I'll tell you how how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time. A bu...
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty. Then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a f...
Little goofball.
Looks like I was right. You were wrong, huh? I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh?
Male O bravin.
Man, that guy is the red grin. Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on.
Martin Luther King Junior's birthday.
Maybe you're right, Jerry.
Maybe you're right.
MMM 6.
Morty.
Morty. Morty.
Motherfucker.
My name is Rick Sanchez.
My name is Rick Sanchez.
Nanobotic renderings. A bunch of crazy fake nonsense.
Nice to be on the same page every once in a while.
No can do.
No idea what you're talking about.