Letterkenny - Season 1 Edit

About that dance you were going to save her.

All right.

All up that big city slam piece.

Allegedly.

Allons‐y.

An A‐1 box shot, you fuckin' barbarian.

And I enjoy a horizontal refreshment for my vertical smile

And I will hear about it,

And rip farts on each other to keep warm

And see what else is hangin' around in there while we're at it?

And she wants to get his attention,

And they fells in love, and they've been together ever since.

And they just walked over and yanked that thing out of my nipple

And your friends' farts.

Are we though?

At least we keep it clean. We just sell cigarettes

Beggars can't be choosers.

Bieber. The pop star.

Big city slams, idiot.

Big city slams, Schmelt.

Break 'em up, break 'em up.

But first, let's sing a hymn. No.

But I guess there's a lot worse things

But I think we've got bigger fish to fry right here.

But I'll go down on you.

But that's it, buddy.

But this pretty young girl just dropping a shits,

But we own 30 percent.

But, drop the "The." Just, Fartbook. It's cleaner.

Can't believe your sister's still dating these nut sacks.

Center ice. Puck drop.

Charcuterie.

Could have been a wolf. There's wolf's in the back bush.

Dairy, come on.

DAN: All they do is go alls out, don'ts they?

DAN: All this.

DAN: So. The agenda.

DAN: That's when you cut off her balls.

DAN: The white stuff

Dan?

DARYL: I think you mean, "Cut off his balls."

DARYL: That's a Texas size 10‐4.

Deadly.

Did you get that stump out of the ground today?

Did you know that Daryl used to get boners every morning

Did you know that men can wear the fragrance CK ONE as well as women?

Did you know you can use shaving cream to get permanent marker off your hands?

Didn't realize you were big fan of the didge.

Dime a dart.

Do you wanna know what? That's your problem right there.

Does that taste right?

Don't get so drunk you couldn't use it even if you had the option.

Don't look at your hand

Don't set the bar too high, mutant.

Don't want people talkin'.

Dug six foot holes, put a skunk in each one

Especially and including you idiots,

Every year, Daryl's mom used to throw him these birthday parties when he was a kid.

Everyone hates asbestos. Asbestos is the answer

Exactly.

Eyes on your own work there, super chief

Fartbook.

Fish oil, vitamin C, vitamin D,

For being a d‐jen with a drug dealer.

For kids to start taking shits in places what weren't meant for taking shits in.

Fuck, was he a beaker.

Fuck, you're naked as a jay bird.

Fuck, you've been to Winners lately?

Fuckin' embarrassing!

Gail, we've summoned you here today to talk about your Fartbook profile.

GAIL: What?

Give your balls a tug, you tit fucker!

Go.

Good and you?

Good and you? Not so bad.

Good way to get a finger in your bum.

Good.

Good.

Gordon Korman's This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall.

Got a bit banged up after work the other day...

Grab a knee boys.

Half‐clapper, top cheddar.

Have an eye for the fertility, boys.

Haven't had a drink in three days.

Having a beer watching Pete hang a piss down his own basement stairs.

He also had an imperial purple...

He did all right. Didn't you, Wayne?

He's out four to six.

Hey, Katy, you look beautiful.

Hey, why are crabs always so tired?

Hi, Katy KATY: Go home, Daryl.

Hi, Katy.

Hit me. Come on. I love pain.

Hold it

Hold my spitter.

Honestly though, just take off your jumper.

How come you don't watch us play anymore?

How many aliases have you had?

I brought some from home.

I can't remember the last time five men came in this church so aggressively.

I guess we could just scan them and then I'll get out of your hair.

I hate you,

I know, I know, I love him. He's the best.

I love Stewart!

I said decent

I saw that too. I... Yeah.

I used to take a lot of teasing in school for those

I wanted a piece of that guy for a long time

I was worried.

I wish Gail could hear that fart.

I'd hang a piss.

I'll tell you what and I'll only tell you once.

I'll tell you, if you find yourselves in her way,

I'm about to give birth to a pound of fudge.

I'm pushing up on you for years now.

I'm the toughest guy in Letterkenny.

I've fucked your girl more times than you've had a hot meal.

I've got some photos here. Of the goins' on.

I've known Basic Jay to be a pretty tough dude.

If you sell the rest of the cigarettes at a buck a dart,

In all fairness, Dary, that's a two‐way street.

In.

Is it for the jamboree?

Is that what she was doing?

Is that what you appreciate about me?

Is that why they always play and you guys never do?

Is this little soiree for us?

It appears somebody's been growing marijuana in your back bush.

It dug itself out a few hours later

It'd be pretty sick to see Katy up there again.

It'll be our little secret.

It's 'cause I get onto this Tinder thing,

It's about time one of you showed some finish.

It's been live for more than 36 hours.

It's pretty lucrative, so...

It's unanimous.

JONESY: Bye, Wayne. Have a good one bro. RILEY: Bye, Wayne.

JONESY: Okay, bro, workout program. (WATER RUNNING)

Just go...

Just pop your pants right off,

Just, not just yet. Maybe after a couple.

KATY: Gotta say, I had a fucking hoot at the game.

KATY: If the cops come around here, people will talk.

KATY: Wayne.

Know about the beef?

Let's do it! Give me one!

Let's do that.

Let's fuckin' do this.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Like the sack that hangs behind your vas deferens

Like, he would not stop beaking.

Look at you.

Look like you're goin' to a formal with that top button done up to 11.

Looking for love over the rainbow now, are we Dorothy?

Make sure your game is tight or you'll be home firing wristers.

Makes no fuckin' sense, buddy.

Maybe your sister wants to join us.

Me and the cousins, just standing there in the kitchen

MEN: Fartbook.

Menergy Spa is never going to happen at this rate.

Mmm‐hmm.

Mmm‐hmm. Mmm‐hmm.

Mmm‐mmm, so you're quitting the meth business?

Mmm, but it isn't.

Muscle atrophy!

My buddy Royze had a bad stint for a while, now that I think about it, buddy.

Nappies are nappies. Ferda. Ferda.

Nectar of gods, fellas.

Never again. Okay, okay, okay, then, can you snort it?

Nice flow, you fuckin' donkey. Take a lap

Nice, nice penalty kill, boys.

Ninja dust.

No discount on bar tabs tonight, Chester and Charlie!

No.

No. I've given up on the meth business

No. Sending annoying messages to people

No. Why not?

Not now. Need 20 minutes. STEWART: Okay.

Not seeing a whole lot of special teams time, buddy

Now boys, because I'm feeling generous,

Oh, fuck.

Oh, I'm just sayin' it must suck balls

Oh, pitter patter, let's get at 'er.

Oh, very nice.

Oh, yes. (FARTING)

Oh.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bang the very guts right out of her.

Okay. Let's listen.

On your fuckin' Facebooks.

Or after you're done doing it?

Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! Fuck!

Really working those fast‐twitch muscle fibers, buddy.

REILLY: (EXHALES) So?

REILLY: Ever wonder why Katy doesn't come

REILLY: Like where the fuck Schultzy been out there?

Right. You've got a picture of your cat under each of your farts.

Riley! Jonesy! Put your fuckin' shirts on! Get outta here!

Ruptured the hydrocele.

Save me a dance, Wayne.

She's a one‐shot Sally.

She's like a Middle Eastern rebel army.

She's owed money by someone from your town.

Sister Bonnie, though, she's still in there.

Sniper

Sniper. Snipe!

So any other insights for us?

So it's like, if I didn't send it, then I'd be stuck having bad shaboink forever.

So they cancel each other out.

So what are you supposed to do? Just hold it in?

So what's it gonna take to get you back on the horse there, champ?

So you may as well get pickin'.

So, tell me about this guy, Joint Boy.

So, we use him in emergencies only, then.

Softest birthday party on planet Earth.

Somewhere along the way you kinda got soft.

Spike the likelihood of having sex with girls.

STEWART: Ready?

TANIS: You know the deal. Personal use only.

TEAMMATE 1: Already dibs'd digits, buddy.

TEAMMATE 2: She's a fuckin' rocket.

Thank you.

That I am hosting a rave in Letterkenny,

That may be the nicest thing everybody has ever said about me

That right there was an air biscuit.

That was garbage.

That way no one gets sticky.

That'll do, Tanis.

That's if you're ready.

That's your next sweetie right there.

The day that the Lord gave you to me

The Ginger and Boots.

The Ginger fucked an ostrich.

The Ginger fucked an ostrich.

The Natives are tough as hell

There is a whole site devoted to gluten‐free farts.

There's for sure mooses.

They go to mate as soon as they leave their mom,

They'll all be there! DEVON: All of them.