Fresh Off the Boat - Season 1 Edit

A "wheel of fortune" puzzle you couldn't figure out?

A 5, 6, 7, 8...

A beauty school, where you learn how to do hair and makeup?

A bowl, soy sauce, and a xerox of ling ling the panda.

A bush kid!

A cabana?

A commercial? Why didn't you tell me?

A cone of premium, omnidirectional hot air

A couple of catches!

A dog?!

A furniture store needs management help.

A gang!

A giant box!

A lawless land for only the bravest of families!

A layup is worth just as many points as a dunk.

A little bit of respect.

A little zip zip...

A lot of things in life are new for you.

A real estate pimp!

A real estate pimp!

A real estate pimp!

A second location of the restaurant.

A stable income and health insurance.

A strong work ethic.

A wall you can see from space... China.

A wall you can see from space... China.

A white dude and an Asian dude bonding over a black dude.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aah choo NY!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! She heard me!

Aah! Whoa!

About a "winning" publicity stunt.

About a straight "A" student.

About a team back in Taipei.

About karate'ing people?

About our restaurant not being successful.

About the Miata queens of Orlando

About you.

Abraham Lincoln middle school welcome to...

Absolutely.

According to the Orlando sentinel.

Act ing? What's that?

Actually, I am showing the house to these two best friends.

Actually, I was thinking about it,

Actually, it's electrical components.

Advantage... Connie.

After pops banned ma from working at the restaurant

After school.

After school.

After she said no to the carpool.

After this, let's talk Cattleman's Express.

After we left, we thought about what you said,

After your regular school...

Again, I urge you to consider

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Oh, Marvin thinks I'm such a catch

Ah. Okay. Okay.

Ahh.

Ahoy, me hearties!

Air conditioning is expensive.

Al my friends are gonna be playing "Shaq Fu"

All because of your stupid carpool.

All feelings are valid!

All I see is white people, hot dogs,

All right, boys, I got a surprise for you.

All right, dad, it's all set up.

All right, deputy jex,

All right, Mitch, you're gonna have to be on fajita duty.

All right, the record should reflect now

All right, we've got to get going.

All right.

All right. So...

All that matters is you do your best.

All that's left now is to sign the paperwork

All that's left now is to sign the paperwork

All the boomin' onions you can eat for 99 cents.

All the girls had a thing for you.

All the parents were invited,

All you care about is money.

Also, I found out

Also, why are we out of tea bags?

Also, you can learn how to sell a house...

Amazing.

Amazing. They found a way to make Tampa worse.

An earring?!

An example of what's wrong with basketball today.

An unprecedented selection of only left shoes.

An unprecedented selection of only left shoes.

And a 3 minute song cos 25 cents,

And a 3 pound box costs $5,

And a human face to kiss at night.

And a pizza party on the line for the winner,

And a Wolfgang Chang's.

And according to the lunch monitor,

And ace that test.

And after I'm done being grounded,

And all I get

And all the world's cultures are equally represented.

And apparently, he is lactose intolerant.

And are then on drugs.

And asking Matt to help him move out.

And bam!... Champ is broke.

And be there always.

And became the first one in her family to go to college.

And became unstoppable!

And Bert? He's a commercial contractor.

And built her a stable out of tissue boxes.

And calling everybody "cousin."

And cancel our club membership

And change our whole lives?

And charlene is the date that I'm currently on.

And collect your $50,000 franchise fee.

And cool goggles and long, flashy shorts.

And deep down, he was the same way

And Eddie's having a hard time at school.

And Emery...

And Evan is lactose intolerant.

And every kid got a country to represent.

And good employees are good for business.

And handshake deals.

And he is indeed 111/2.

And he still remembers how I like my coffee.

And he's never gonna trade.

And he's using it inappropriately?

And help Amanda take controlling interest of Melrose Place.

And his pal Eric the donkey.

And I can't wait for you all to see it.

And I feel...

And I felt safe around you.

And I fixed it using product.

And I grew up in Boston.

And I hate that I am too weak to give it up.

And I have my steakhouse.

And I have to pretend to be at work all day

And I just can't.

And I loved it.

And I opened a steakhouse of my own.

And I said, "no," and you said, "then you are the best."

And I said, if you want it, you're going to have to

And I still need to go work at my dad's stupid restaurant

And I thought, "why not?"

And I wanna know what he meant by it.

And I was definitely the black sheep in my family

And I would choose a good businessman over a visionary

And I'm gonna do it with this.

And I'm gonna put my headphones on.

And I'm jealous of all the delicious French pastries

And I'm prepping for the bar exam

And I've grown to love it

And if I sell 20 luxury homes a year, I can beat Kim.

And ignore it.

And in the process we learned that just like O.J

And it came with one pole.

And it still wasn't gonna get me that game.

And it was like she'd finally found her calling in life.

And it's beautiful.

And it's not like Golden Saddle owns the idea of a steakhouse.

And Janet Yi had three horses

And let's win one for Charlie Sheen's brother!

And line up across from each other.

And look at my hair!

And look for my dad in the crowds, but I guess I can wait.

And much like Shaq, who busted his ass to get

And my page says

And neither can we.

And no buffalo things.

And not end up in the gutter with a low credit rating,

And now I wanna do it.

And now let's traverse the eurasian steppe to China,

And now you are equipped with air bags.

And now you're a waitress?

And on weekends.

And one in every five had a human face.

And one time, by the grace of God...

And pick the perfect billboard location.

And purposely doesn't give it to you?

And put the rest on a payment plan.

And putting his hands on his waist a lot,

And remember Amy Johnson from college?

And saying, "huh?

And seeing what a great family you and Jessica have,

And she and Andrew are getting a divorce.

And she jumped right into it, full force.

And she spilled salsa all over Regina Snipes!

And she went to Harvard and became an assistant D.A.,

And she'll tell him what her answer is.

And she's never gonna let up on you or any of us,

And stay away from Evan because he is contagious.

And telling them they're stickers.

And telling them to get you a new coach.

And that fella he's talking to?

And that includes our "I talian" families.

And that one guy is pumping up his sneaker.

And that table is only drinking water.

And that work ethic is how I'm able to keep the lights on.

And that.

And that's another thing.

And that's exactly how it happened, mom.

And that's how my family started reppin' Orlando.

And that's my lazy Susan,

And that's what you get

And that's what you get

And the bears aren't even the same color.

And the glitter horse?

And the healing powers of white flower oil.

And the henna wouldn't come off,

And the water's really hot!

And then an alligator sticker plus a cloud sticker

And then I jumped out the bathroom window.

And then I will treat myself to a chipwich,

And then they make him marry the actress from "Boomerang,"

And then you get to change the rules.

And there's a homeless man who's always on the corner,

And these are for you, Eddie.

And they are all just chasing that Morton's ring.

And they assemble it themselves.

And they got it.

And they must never know that.

And they said, "don't do anything different to your hair.

And they'll take away my always there bear!

And this is my crimper with interchangeable plates.

And this is why I never plug in the jukebox.

And this... Is our tennis court, Louis.

And to you...

And too desperate to look for other options.

And ultimately, she died in a plane crash,

And unleashed a stream of obscenities

And vandalizing our billboard

And watched my husband's face get milked on?

And we are always honest with each other.

And we can cover it. I got my dad's credit card

And we did it as a team.

And we have a great promotion set for Saturday.

And we have been invited

And we have been losing money every day.

And we noticed that you haven't volunteered

And we realized you were right.

And we were all definitely settling into Orlando.

And we were all looking forward

And we'd like to cover their check.

And we're gonna do it our way,

And what's cool about pandas? They're all like...

And where the humidity is not good for my hair.

And white.

And why aren't we talking about the fact that he has a...

And with every grade competing

And work forward.

And works its way down to my limbs

And you are doing well, which I don't like.

And you are gonna get your butt back down there

And you are hungry.

And you do this?

And you keep doing that 200 times.

And you know how things...

And you know what he got? An egg.

And you're mom's favorite... you win.

And your boobs are way too big.

And your house was empty for so long because of the murders.

And, Nicole, I missed school this morning,

And, uh, maybe some leftover

And... aah!

And... I feel like I have conquered that world.

And... the homeless man with the dead bird

Andy, Randy, let's go.

Another thing Chinese people did to show prosperity

Any day of the week.

Any questions?

Anyhoo, well, we've got to motor,

Anything but an Orlando heat wave.

Anyway, guess where we just came from.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

Anyway, um, you should feel lucky

Anyway, where you guys from?

Apparently the owner is way behind in payments.

Apparently, she had a thing for me

Apparently, there's a loser's discount

Apparently, you need a license to sell houses!

Are coming at ya.

Are making your father and me mandatory volunteer.

Are they gonna take away my stuff?!

Are we Chinese enough?

Are we poor?!

Are you all sister?

Are you already a realtor?

Are you gonna teach us how to play taiwanese style basketball?

Are you guys having a rap party?

Are you happy?

Are you home?! Don't say anything to her!

Are you interested in this house? Because...

Are you kidding? We stuck it to a rich guy.

Are you looking for anything in particular?

Are you saving that seat for your attitude?

Are you saying I did not hear a crunch?

Are you sure about that?

Are you sure you're not jealous, Louis?

Are you thinking? Are you thinking about who is?

Are you wearing a whole new outfit?

Aren't you a customer?

Aren't you japanese?

Aren't you japanese?

As a kid, there are things that terrify you.

As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating,

As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating, but it could have.

As in I can eat this stuff for seven days straight.

As in sneaky!

As part of a plot to destroy him

As soon as you expressed emotions with words.

As tough as school was,

As well as dibs on anything we find in the cars.

As your friend! Nothing romantic ever happened!

Ashley Alexander from Red Door Realty

Ashley Alexander is trying to take me out

Asian with obsession.

Ask him if he thinks money matters. You tell me what he says.

Ask him yourself.

At 11 cents per kilowatt

At Golden Corral, the bear is black.

At least I have a life.

At least with your whole family coming,

At that place that lets you test drive the jacuzzi.

At the airport?!

At the grocery store.

Aw, dope! Like manage the servers?

Aw, hell, no!

Aw, hell, no!

Aw, hell, no!

Aw, man, a trampoline?

Aw, man!

Aw, son of a bitch!

Aw! Ooh, close.

Aw! This is a nice one.

Aw. Aw.

Aw. That's too bad.

Away from my body.

Awesome!

Awesome! I love that stuff, too!

Awesome. Nice!

B minus!

Babysitting? Why can't grandma watch us?

Back in Taiwan, and they assigned it to me.

Ball? Towel? Sports drink?"

Bam!

Barney.

Based on what?

Basically doing anything they could

Basketball clearly isn't about team anymore.

Be more jealous!

Because "Scarface" and "Miller's Crossing"

Because I am wearing a yellow dress.

Because I didn't come to America

Because I didn't want to give you another reason

Because I tell the boys they always have to be the best.

Because I was ashamed.

Because I'm never gonna be as good as her.

Because if one of my exes came to visit,

Because if you forge Franklin Hart's signature,

Because it's not about winning.

Because last time, she charged me $100 an hour.

Because Louis didn't pay your ridiculous franchise fee.

Because my dad thought it would help business.

Because my favorite cousin Justin was coming.

Because my friend is a jogging maniac.

Because my parents showed me "Cocoon" when I was little,

Because no matter what,

Because of "Caddyshack"!

Because Oscar and I used to date.

Because she drove everyone nuts,

Because she knows I am the best.

Because then your aunt and Uncle will know

Because this is the wild west...

Because we are doing a new play.

Because we thought it would be racist.

Because we were broke!

Because when it came to providing for his family,

Because you abandoned her.

Because you don't have to be a hard man to be a hard worker.

Because you don't have to pretend to be someone else

Because you say it was doing well!

Because you think it's fun and nobody gets hurt.

Because you were dating me.

Because you're at a different school,

Because, like I said, he would do whatever it took.

Because, well, I was listening.

Because, you know, sometimes we get lazy.

Because, you know, they say you never get over your first love.

Because... tell me why, Evan.

Before my mom comes home.

Being our Tony in "West Side Story."

Besides, I'm saving my germs for someone else.

Besides, you made it your own.

Better him than us.

Between old people dinner and regular dinner, so...

Between Orlando and D.C.?

Big ups, y'all!

Birthplace of kung fu... China.

Bones like cinder blocks.

Boobie Johnson?

Boom!

Booming onion.

Boop!

Both of your schools

Boys, get over here!

Boys, here's your a/c.

Boys, stop fighting!

Boys, uh, show Oscar to the guest bathroom.

Boys, we've got great news.

Boys, welcome to your new CLC classroom.

Boys! Breakfast!

Brandon Lee was hot.

Brian?

Bring it.

Brock!

Brother's gonna work it out.

Buddy, we talked about this.

Business happens at the club every day.

Busy, busy.

But all his employees respect and admire him,

But all you care about is the stupid restaurant,

But as long as I'm here, I'm gonna make the best of it.

But at least I had a project.

But don't worry. I wrote him another infraction.

But don't worry. Your best friend, Mark, is here.

But Eddie spilled oyster sauce on it,

But for now, everybody grab a partner.

But he definitely was working at your age.

But he had a guilty pleasure.

But he is making a sacrifice for your education.

But he was the one who changed my life forever.

But he was wrong.

But he wasn't at practice.

But he wasn't paid enough to care.

But he's already balding.

But hey, in a few weeks,

But I am also the hottest one.

But I bet to him, it's a regular cookie.

But I can't even do it myself.

But I can't work. I'm only 11.

But I didn't, so I heard all that.

But I don't think he gets it.

But I don't want to lose everything, Louis.

But I gotta go work on my Jamaica project.

But I hate that I like it,

But I hope their gentle tinklings

But I imagined it was the sound of childhood.

But I love the name Jessica.

But I need my arch supports. I got dad's wide ass feet.

But I only know the bad words.

But I really feel for her.

But I ride the bus with you.

But I still don't have a project.

But I still had my dream of a better life for our family.

But I think that table of 10 is a no show, so...

But I thought like a spin off of Golden Corral 'cause it's got all the same stuff.

But I want more than okay for us.

But I was confused about who I was,

But I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable.

But I will never be mad at you for standing up for yourself.

But I'd like you all to give a warm,

But I'm classier than that.

But I'm going to win her back

But I'm happy to have the help. These two are handfuls.

But I'm kind of a freak of nature.

But in the end, I kept my head down,

But isn't that why we work so hard,

But it goes so fast. I try to cherish it.

But it had to feel a little different, right?

But it is meaningless if we lose ourselves.

But it smells. Shh.

But it still feels like too much of a luxury right now.

But it's also what makes you special.

But it's because she cares.

But it's going to make him stronger.

But it's hard getting respect when you're 11.

But look at Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri.

But maybe my baby ears didn't hear it right.

But my brothers and I were born in D.C.

But my shoe!

But Nicole wanted to henna my hands.

But no one seems to appreciate how I'm good at everything I do.

But no one was fitting in better than moms.

But no.

But nobody's buying it.

But none of them could have you

But not rich enough that you could ask me to donate money?

But not the a/c.

But not the lousy school district.

But not too charitable.

But now I realize

But she'll get this is an emergency

But something didn't feel right.

But Tampa's, like, two hours away!

But that's not fair to my parents.

But that's not what's important, right, Honey?

But the cemetery down the street won't.

But the country club has

But the restaurant is doing so well now.

But the science fair's on Friday, and I got no ideas!

But the things we could agree on

But the tough guy in my family had always been moms.

But the way my parents were acting, you would have thought

But their priorities are all wrong.

But there aren't any in Orlando

But there's always room for my dear sister.

But there's no improvisation in his game.

But they were right at achilles level,

But they weren't at school.

But they will be in for a surprise

But they worked together,

But this is a family business.

But this is best for the boys.

But this is not the west. This is the south.

But we also wanted to make you aware

But we can still win this game by playing good team basketball.

But we dedicated a section of the highway to her.

But we do have a crisis on our hands.

But we do have an after school program

But we go rollerblading every day,

But we have tomato skins.

But we're not.

But what about these japanese guys?

But what mom cares about most is stretching a dollar.

But whatever it is, it's gonna happen here.

But whatever it was, I knew what would snap him out of it.

But when she died, she was flying first class,

But yeah.

But you caught something better...

But you did work together as a team.

But you know how oyster sauce is.

But you know there's no way we can win.

But you never said anything about the iron.

But you played through that pain.

But you put this in the paper.

But you saw something that no one else did.

But you should totally go for it. You're good at it.

But you'll get used to being mom's least favorite daughter.

But you're gonna love Orlando.

But, I mean, if you guys want to do that...

But...

Buy you a drink?

By joining country clubs to make business deals.

By the end of the week,

By the fault of no one in particular,

By the way, I heard Shaq wasn't really at the mall yesterday

By the way, your hair looks terrible.

By using what's most important to her.

Bye, sweetie. Have fun babysitting.

Bye.

Bye. I'm making you a mixtape.

C

C is only for potential buyers!

Called animal encounters

Calm your panties.

Can accommodate on such short notice.

Can afford to put billboards anywhere.

Can I have Saturday off? I'm deejaying a bat mitzvah.

Can I help you find anything today...

Can I practice decorating your hands?

Can I show you around this lovely home?

Can I sit next to you on the bus?

Can I start you off with some drinks?

Can we please?!

Can we turn on the a/c just for a second?

Can you imagine if we'd told our parents

Can you not talk in restaurant?

Can't you just front me the money?

Can't you talk some sense into her?

Career change?

Careful.

Carpool

Carrying Dmitri's bag?

Cast by dishonored ancestors.

Cats, kleenex, Martin Sheen,

Cattleman's Ranch is not doing well, our house is small,

Cattleman's Ranch was a total knockoff of Golden Saddle.

Caught a flaming green pepper in the face.

Caught me strengthening my hands.

Chicken feet. It's for good fidelity.

Chickenpox.

China.

China.

Chinese learning center... an after school program

Choose life, you know?

Class, I'd like to introduce you to a new student.

Close.

Clouds are rain. What are you, a farmer?

Coach.

Come back for me and the kids. I love you.

Come here. Come on.

Come on out, Dave!

Come on, come on.

Come on, let's go point our bikes in the direction of the mall.

Come on, Louis, you've got to join.

Come on!

Come on! Whoo!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on. Whack a few with me.

Comic sans. That's a funny font.

Coming for you.

Coming, ah ma!

Coming, ah ma!

Coming, ah ma.

Coming, daddy!

Completely different snake.

Complimentary ice blue aqua velva aftershave

Congratulations!

Congratulations! I knew you could do it!

Congratulations. You will never forget your first time.

Connie and my mom have slipper talk.

Connie Chung. Has to be Connie Chung.

Connie!

Connie!

Connie!

Connie!

Cookies and propane.

Cool. Thanks, mom.

Could be offensive to our "I talian" families.

Could my husband use it as a ski jump? No.

Couldn't help but notice you framed me

Crank up the a/c to "low."

Crowd?

Cues us to turn our heads, look up to the sky,

Curls were like dollar signs.

Dad doesn't want you at the restaurant.

Dad put the restaurant on the map.

Dad, are you volunteering for the school play, too?

Dad, can I talk to you?

Dad, Dmitri doesn't practice.

Dad, how come we have to start school on a Wednesday?

Dad, let me handle this.

Dad, mom is crazy.

Dad, teach us how to fly, kick, and dunk at the same time.

Dad, that's Dmitri, our star player.

Dad, why are you coming?

Dad, you serve people all day.

Dad? I think he's hurt.

Dad.

Dad...

Damn it, lieutenant! The shields are down!

Damn it, that was beautiful

Damn it!

Damn you, Tetris.

Damn you, varicella zoster virus!

Damn, son! You unlocked the doc!

Damn, you're a grown ass man.

Damn.

Dat dude gay.

Date the hottest girl in school.

Dave, I may need to borrow your Bjork CD.

Definitely not Emery, though. He'll be next to me.

Delivering fajitas sucks.

Designer luggage... 75% off.

Developed a play called "the flying v,"

Did a third hedge trimming at the Millers.

Did anyone ask me if I was excited?

Did he ever kiss you?

Did she leave?

Did somebody order chinese?!

Did somebody say "croquembouche"?

Did the little girl ever get one?

Did the Smiths' dog go after you, too?

Did they give you that pin for narc ing?

Did you have something to do with this?

Did you know there's a a ranch in Japan

Did you know this?!

Didn't know you were coming over tonight.

Didn't you eat your lunch today?

Didn't your parents say you have a weak stomach or something?

Died.

Difficult? You helped me realize who I am.

Dig in, yo. Yay!

Dinner after CLC.

Dinner's almost ready. You finish your CLC?

Dinosaur nuggets, pudding cup.

Diversity.

Dmitri looked right at me,

Dmitri!

Dmitri!

Dmitri! Dmitri! Dmitri! Dmitri! Dmitri!

Dmitri.

Do me a favor. Go find a homeless man.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Do you know how expensive California is?

Do you know how many times she tried to start a garden?

Do you know what's free?

Do you know where Jessica is?

Do you like my outfit, mom? I got a great deal.

Do you think Tetris knows when you need an "I"

Dock me.

Does China amuse you?

Does she still yell at the TV screen

Does the yellow man like dumplings?

Doesn't mean I can't sniff out a good deal.

Doesn't mean you can't provide it for the boys.

Doing white things.

Doing white things.

Domino! Straight a's, moms!

Don't be makin' fun of China!

Don't be silly. You're great at this.

Don't come in here!

Don't get me started. We were gonna name her Emily

Don't like your neighbors?

Don't pull me into that.

Don't sleep on the redheads.

Don't talk to her, okay?

Don't tell mom. She'll have him put down.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry, baby. We got this.

Don't worry, Eddie.

Don't worry. I know you photograph angry.

Don't you do anything just for fun?

Doorbells work.

Dude, let's go!

Dude, that sucks.

Dude, where the hell are we?

Dude, why are you such a bummer?

Dude, you were looking right at me.

Dude! Is that an earring?

During our evening chat.

Eat up, my babies!

Eating a chipwich.

Eddi, pass.

Eddie doesn't like it

Eddie put them up to it.

Eddie will come work with me at Cattleman's after school.

Eddie, basketball isn't about looking cool.

Eddie, don't call your mother a trick.

Eddie, don't say "hell."

Eddie, eggs are life.

Eddie, focus!

Eddie, hold my whistle.

Eddie, I could get by with only two sons.

Eddie, I know you're not excited to leave D.C.,

Eddie, no.

Eddie, that's not possible. We are here now.

Eddie, there are no handouts in the Huang family.

Eddie, why are you eating so much?

Eddie, you can't count on one player to carry a whole team.

Eddie, you may not have caught the chickenpox,

Eddie, you need to apply yourself.