☊ Strangers with Candy (1999) - Season 1 Soundboard

A "D"!?

A "Flatpoint High Home of the Concrete Donkeys" t shirt

A 46 year old high school sophomore

A baked potato? That hurt!

A bigot is racist, Jerri.

A boozer, a user and a two time loser.

A cock fight?

A crown that fits snugly around my heart.

A few rumors.

A few years back I was pretty down.

A great looking bacon strip for the dance.

A ha, ha..

A handsome prince showed up to the castle.

A long line of great musicians, Jerri.

A lot of them.

A moving vision of the future...

A pun, a play on words?

A racist!

A retarded little bird told me.

A river that Lewis and Clark had glory upon."

A teacher is upset!

A, um... "Mr. Puffmeister" and "Chief Big Bong."

About a... 32 years ago.

About Kimberly Timbers.

About retardation that you need.

About um... our Sadie Hawkins date!

About your resemblance to monkeys?

Absolutely.

Accidentally.

According to the vicious rumors I started,

Actually, it's gonna numb it wherever you apply it,

After a boot of scag or a snort of horse...

After cutting sugar cane all day,

After he died it was given to your father,

After the... incident

Ah ha ha ha.

Ah, "Problem"'s my middle name.

Ah, in my country, you'd be a real queen.

Ah, Jesus...

Ah, she's a cave dweller.

Ah, the chief called?

Ah! De, de, de, the runner!

Ah! Yeah..

Ahem...

Ahh...

Ahh... I see some periodontal disease,

Ahhh, Jerri...

Ahhh, thank you Christopher Surles

Ahhh, what this has to say, huh?

Ahhh... it's beautiful!

Ahhhh!

Ahhhh.

All fists and elbows.

All right now?

All right, everybody for tomorrow

All right, everybody!

All right, he can stay.

All right, Jerri, you have one night to prepare for this test.

All right, let me grab the x rays.

All right, settle down, you jackals.

All right, what's the test on, again?

All right.

All set?

All the desks have been taken by real Flatpoint students,

All too well.

All you can eat.

All you need is some T.L.C.

All you need to do to fit in...

Alright, 1812.

Alright, alright, alright, in the old days I might have.

Alright, alright, it just threw me for a second...

Alright, everybody, for tomorrow

Alright, give way!

Alright, here's an easy one, 1776.

Alright, look, you guys don't need to show me anything,

Alright, so let's pop a cork in the chatter...

Alright?

Alright.

Alrighty, we'll just see.

Am going to keep it.

American History.

And a little less about parties.

And a very friendly Mexican donkey named Ramone.

And all these years I've wondered...

And all they hear is, "who wants cake?"

And also mood stabilizers.

And attach them to my own torso, I would.

And besides, you're not my real mother.

And bring it to school tomorrow, and uh...

And by audacity I mean hubris, overweening pride!

And collect myself.

And cooking my breakfast up in a teaspoon,

And discovering all sorts of things about my body.

And even if I'm spending more time with other people

And everybody thought she was ugly,

And everything I'm saying is the truth.

And expect me to change my lesson plan!

And finally Zeus, father of the gods,

And find out what makes you unique.

And focus it back inside,

And for dessert...

And for the inner beauty section...

And frankly, I'd love nothing more

And hanging out with the gutter hypes

And he hasn't.

And I couldn't get away with it.

And I didn't get high last night.

And I don't wanna miss out on it a second time.

And I don't want this to affect our relationship...

And I had to have a laminectomy. Thank you, Jerri.

And I have a good chance of winning.

And I heard a sound, a spray can sound...

And I just don't have the heart to throw them away.

And I know what I'm talking about,

And I looked and I saw the word...

And I promise, in return, to take all the credit.

And I suppose a black woman

And I thought it might comfort you to hear her last words...

And I thought you might know her travel agent?

And I won't have it!

And I, in turn...

And I'll do it again!

And I'll make your pinky all stinky.

And I'm a 46 year old ex con, high school freshman.

And I'm a 46 year old high school freshman.

And I'm a caribou.

And I'm a former grief counselor.

And I'm afraid it all adds up

And I'm gonna have a cheese ball.

And I'm not the same Jerri Blank

And I'm sure there's something I could bust

And I'm sure you think that I hate you.

And I've been pretty tough on you at times,

And if someone tries to make you their bitch,

And if you have any hopes for a happy life,

And if you need to have your memory jarred,

And in response to the query,

And infesting the healthy plants

And is it so strange to be different?

And it looks like you'll be moving on to sophomore year.

And it proves that Kimberly is retarded...

And live out the true meaning of its creed.

And make it mine.

And meanwhile, our cousins from the East were eating bowls of rice,

And most important,

And my new queen is...

And no one is there to see it,

And no remorse!

And now lies motionless in a coma.

And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for,

And personal information into a valuable...

And Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline

And remember, I need permission slips

And right now I'm as moist as a snack cake down there.

And secondly, if Poppy Downes comes out of that coma,

And seeing as I have the munchies,

And sell it on the black market.

And she could be some stiff competition.

And she thinks she might have found a way,

And since they're dangerous

And since we only have 15 minutes...

And since you both basically cancel each other out on looks,

And since you're varsity and you guys get to vote for queen,

And some vitamin "P".

And sometimes it's important to help the process along.

And sooner still who Poppy Downes was,

And tell them your special story.

And that befriending new people

And that includes things I forced on a mule.

And that's all that matters, Paul.

And that's got to be worth something, right?

And that's the difference!

And the knowledge that I did right.

And the passenger side glass.

And the smell...

And the... the rest is hazy.

And then I came out and I saw the word.

And then if it turns out to be one of the violent students,

And then just go with what you know.

And then never ever tell anyone about it.

And then they turn out to be...

And then try to harness her tremendous strength

And then we can spend all summer

And they didn't believe me.

And they don't run in packs.

And this brace serves as a reminder of the power

And uh how would you characterize the stool?

And uh, I was walking down the hallway...

And watch the film.

And we all know what happened to your father.

And we don't question those.

And we'll do the same to the charlatan conchs!

And we'll tell him all about this report of yours.

And we're both setting down new roots...

And what it's doing to us.

And what's that?

And while they may not be as strong as apes,

And who evidently feels he can just

And will never be.

And you could, umm... go to bed early.

And you here, after being ripped from the secure beauty

And you know what?

And you know where you're gonna end up?

And you left your tape recorder

And you're the only one I know

And your bicuspids seem to be all tartar.

And, uh well, then she died.

And, without your permission,

And... a photograph of me...

Anne Visible huh, huh.

Any drama?

Any other student that you don't know anything about

Anyway, this friend... Uhh...

Are never friends.

Are you a cop?

Are you all right, Miss Downes?

Are you Chin Woo of the Kung Fu School?

Are you going to pay for that?

Are you here?

Are you high now?

Are you kidding me?

Are you listening to me?

Are you ready for it?

Are you ready to sacrifice everything?

Are you ready to spill the bean?

Are you ready with your report?

Are you sure?

Are you the student who sprayed me?

Argh, aghhh..

Arhhhh!

Arm out, back up!

Around and round she goes, where she stops...

Around the delta region.

Arrrghhh!

As always, this year Special Ed is looking for

As long as I have you.

As soon as they're baked

As they attempted to land.

As they tell us why they want to be queen.

As what was sprayed on the wall, hm?

As you can see, Ricky,

As you know, I was with your girlfriend Poppy

As you know, we're meeting with all the students today.

As you may have heard,

At 12 noon sharp!

At some point you had your tongue bobbed,

AUDIENCE: Jerri, Jerri, Jerri...

Avoid the same road you traveled.

Aw geez, why're you people so sensitive

Aw, G D it!

Aw, I think it's cute

Aw, too bad, you got such pretty hair.

Awww, sorry...

Awww, you're in my sun!

Awww...

B But I guess you won't want it now.

Back at 'cha.

Back away from the word, son.

Back on the boat to where you came from.

Back to class, mach schnell!

Baklava.

Based on this morning's geography pop quiz...

Baton Rouge!

Baton Rouge... Baton Rouge...

Because I know morality isn't sexy.

Because I was a pathological liar,

Because I won't turn snitch.

Because I'm not a racist.

Because no one can ever take that pity away.

Because of the brazen display of audacity.

Because people like you and people like us

Becky Ann Bedecker already greased me.

Becky Ann Bedecker is in the race

Becky Ann Bedecker.

Becky Ann, all of us are.

Becky Ann? But why?

Before anybody finds out.

Before we leave, that is Ricky.

Before yesterday, I thought being queen was the most important thing,

Before you became so... special.

Behind your back.

Being beautiful on the inside may be its own reward, but...

Believe me, Jerri, if I could hack off your arms

Besides, evolution is a farce.

Bigot?

Bitch!

BLACKMAN: All right, gangway, make room, clear a path!

BLACKMAN: Well, Mr. Cotton...

BLACKMAN: Well, you better solve it quickly.

Blahh... unggh!

Blank, I remember.

Bonjour, señorita Blank.

Both my parents are people of color.

Boy, I sure got the munchies

BOY: I heard it's supposed to rain.

Braces! But if I get braces

BRITTANY: Good joke, Poppy!

BRITTANY: She really thinks we're going to be friends with her?

Busted!

But a lot went down in school today.

But after coming to the aid of a small wheelchair bound boy,

But at least I know you'll be out there,

But at least I'm doing them the right way.

But at the last minute

But be careful.

But Chief Big Bong is throwing a war council

But don't be surprised if she gnaws her own limb off to get away.

But even if you do win, Chuck,

But first, why don't you tell me what you saw?

But frankly I don't get it.

But he won't finger the culprit.

But her insides had ruby eggs.

But hey, I've been asked not to talk about my fantasies,

But I do know before you do any snitching

But I do know one thing,

But I do know this: You are very small.

But I don't like black people.

But I had to talk to somebody

But I have Biology.

But I never talked.

But I said I didn't and they punished me anyway.

But I studied really hard for this.

But I want to have fun.

But I want you all to know I can't go to Goodtime Island

But I want you to know...

But I was afraid that it wouldn't be

But I... don't worry.

But I'm afraid that's something

But I'm in the pleasure club!

But I'm not here to express myself.

But I'm not sure we want to live in a country

But I'm transferring out again.

But I've changed

But if I don't graduate by the time I'm 50,

But if they don't come, it's just gonna be you and me.

But instead, I'm going to be at home

But it is gonna to stop now!

But it's also known as "glow," "glimmer,"

But leave the door open!

But Mr. Noblet says that I have to watch my hands.

But nothing too... fag gy...

But now I'm out of jail,

But now I'm picking up my life exactly where I left off.

But now it's time to crown our queen!

But on this St. Arbor's Day Week,

But please...

But scientists don't smoke pot,

But she was so lonely...

But some of these retards are extremely clever.

But that's exactly how you help people!

But that's not important.

But that's not the important thing.

But the war is by no stretch of the imagination over.

But then I found out they're just like you and me.

But they're just like you and me!

But wasn't recovering the king's wife

But we've gotta stay focused right now, Jerri.

But what you have to do

But y'know...

But you kicked me off.

But you know something,

But you're my friend.

But your father is extremely disappointed.

But, uh...

But... But!

But... Jerri...

By a border guard down in Florida

By homecoming I want to be as dark as an eggplant.

By the time they rescued her, ten years later,

By turning tricks for Indonesian businessmen.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

C'mon, c'mon, next up, let's go!

C'mon, c'mon!

C'mon, just...

C'mon, or, you gotta give me that one

C'mon, Paul, let's go up to my room.

C'mon, ring it.

C'mon, Yasmine, pick me!

C'mon...

C'mon... Spike!

Call me!

Can I ask who you guys are gonna vote for?

Can I get some water?

Can I lotion you up?

Can I please play the violin?

Can I take those home?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Can lead to having sex with your children...

Can you hold on a minute?

Can you imagine what type of loser party she'll have?

Can you stay a minute?

Capiche amigo, hmm?

Capiche, amigo?

Ceci est mon école, compredez vous?

Changes.

Chapters eight through twelve.

Chores!? I'm a child prodigy!

Chuck, take five.

Class dismissed, have a good summer.

Clawson!!

Cleaning the wall isn't going to make racism go away.

Clear the room... Clear the room!

Clearly our locker mate's retarded.

Clearly you've won the battle,

Clearly, she's retarded.

Close your eyes, Jerri.

Close?! I won!

Club him!

COACH: Yeah, clamp, clamp, tighten!

Coach.

CODY: I don't know. I'll see you later.

Color me out of here.

Come at you like a whirling dervish,

Come here, ahhhh, Shelly...

Come here, girl!

Come on in, Miss Blank.

Come this Monday morning,

Comprendez vous?

Congratulations.

Connected with that incident in this house.

Conveyed through an allegorical narrative?

Cotton has been reaping the fruits of your loins!

Cotton, Cotton, Cotton...

Could I just maybe see a quick show of hands

Could I speak to Mr. Noblet for a second?

Could you not call me that?

Crippled boy here.

Crippled boy.

Crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmys.

Cut it out!

Cut the brake cable in their car.

D Do you even know who my real father is?

Dad, please, I'm old enough to defend myself!

Daddy, can I talk to you for a second?

Daddy, I'm leaving now. [CAR HORN HONKING]

Daddy, please say something.

Daddy, please!

Daddy, wherever you are, you were right

Daddy, you're playing!

Damn, she's got a nice ass!

Damn!

Dedicating the time capsule.

Degustibus non disputandem est!

Derrick, I can't believe she's your sister.

Desperately yours, Jerri

Did anyone call about my party?

Did he work you over?

Did I do good?

Did I get any calls?

Did I get any color today?

Did ya talk?

Did you ask somebody to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?

Did you do this, Mr. Cotton?

Did you see who did this?

Did you see who did this?!

Did your head try to escape?

Didn't expect me, did ya?

Do we all know what time it is?!

Do we know who did it?

Do we?

Do you come up with these jokes on the spot

Do you have any resolutions?

Do you like that?!

Do you wanna maybe go to the, uh...

Do you?

Does everything have to be about you, Jerri?

Does it become homecoming queen?

Don't fight it!

Don't get high tonight, Jerri.

Don't lock eyes with them, don't do it.

Don't look at me, look at the word.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at what I'm doing,

Don't rub your feces on the lampshade.

Don't thank me, Jerri. You earned it

Don't touch the dog.

Don't touch!

Don't you care why I might not be going?

Don't you just love it?

Down with the new student!

Dring, dring, remember the bell?

Drop in a 454 Holley four barrel,

Drop the drawers, Jerri, and relax.

Drug addiction,

During her final moments...

During the 32 years I spent as a teenage runaway,

Each and every one of you little mother lovers for.

Eating themselves alive, with guilt!

Educate yourself to this reality!

Ehhh...

Enjoy it.

Especially Noblet that homo..." Jerri, see me after class.

Even I can do better than Spike Jabber, Mother.

Even though it's illegal and might violate my parole...

Everybody in the school knows that

Everybody is going to think I'm the racist.

Everybody, it's okay it's cool.

Everyone at this school will have pity on me,

Everything is south of the border.

Everything turned out to be pretty okay.

Evidently not yet old enough to betray a retarded girl.

Ewwww!

Exactly, cut the brake cable to their car.

Exactly!

Excuse me!

Expect me when you least expect me.

Expose his flank, I only get one chance at this.

Expressed so lyrically.

Faggot!

Failing grades?!

First of all, I want to reiterate

First of all, I want you all to know

First off, the retarded don't rule the night.

First: Did you just finish eating crackers?

Fit them with their jackets!

Flatpoint High's own, Geraldine Antonia Blank!

Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida.

Florida, umph, beautiful weather,

Focus!

Follow me and don't fight it.

For 32 years I was a teenage runaway.

For an ounce of tic

For Drug Awareness Week.

For example...

For reasons I'd rather not say,

For snaring the retarded.

For some good old fashioned snitcharoo.

For some practical purpose.

For the rest of my life.

For things I said I didn't do

For this week's trip to Goodtime Island.

For you to lose some of that baby fat.

For you to slip up.

For your information, dick a licious,

Fore!

Friendship Collage, right

From los estudiantes nuevos.

From now on this violin is my whole life.

From sticking them in my musical pie.

From that Jew...

From what country did the United States

From what country was the land purchased?

Fun! Fun! Fun!

G d it! I'm not even playing!

G spot...

Gay people? They can be.

Gay?

Geoffrey, are you all right?

Geoffrey, would I make a good strawberry blonde?

Getting my name out...

Getting Poppy to sign up for the party.

Gimme my turtle.

GIRL: What about her braces?

GIRLS: Whooo!

Give it to me, give me my turtle.

Give me my turtle!

Give me my turtle.

Give me that, you troll!

Glad you think so, Mr. Noblet.

Go ahead and do one snort of tick

Go ahead, Chuck, you can.

Go ahead, coddle the boy.

Go ahead, play!

Go easy there, Poppy...

Go on, tell me what else a black man isn't supposed to be!

God, I'm really in a K hole.

God, the smell was ridiculous!

God, they don't make those anymore.

God, those were some good times!

God, what a beautiful day.

God...

Goddammit, Onyx!

Goddamn, that's gotta be tight!

Gonads...

Gone... taken, gone, taken...

Good luck on thinking of somebody to ask to the dance.

Good night.

Good one, Dad, do it again!

Gosh, I've never seen anyone do that much glint before.

Gosh, that's a nice outfit.

Gosh.

Got a cozy little friendship going.

Got Columbus here fighting the pilgrims

Got it? Do it!

Gotcha!

Grab his legs! Grab his legs!

Great! Let's get started.

Grows into the mighty old oak

Guy, don't you dare.

Guy!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Ha, ha, ha ahhh... I'm an artist.

Ha, ha, ha!

Hah, hah... good one.

Hand me my golden satchels please, Orlando.

Hanging out at Santa's Playland.

Happy New Year, Chuck.

Happy New Year, Geoffrey.

Happy New Year, Jerri.

Hard enough to raise a welt,

Harsh penal system.

Have fun at the dance.

Have fun.

Have you decided who you're going to ask

Have you ever tried it?

Have you seen her teeth?

Have you seen Principal Blackman?

Hazy... oh well... Uhh... oh boy...

He asked me some questions.

He kissed her head off!

He used to be a grief counselor for the school board.

He wasn't!

He'd let me go to Goodtime Island.

He's a new student here at Flatpoint.

He's about blow!

He's new!

He's nothing like us.

Heh heh heh, seriously.

Heh heh heh.

Heh, heh, hah...

Heh, I'm having my uterus sc****d.

Hello there, little ficus.

Hello, Chuck.

Hello, I'm Jerri Blank

Hello, Percy.

Hello?

Her parents are deeply distraught.

Here it is.

Here we see The Acropolis,

Here, we're in the other room, come on.

Hey there...

Hey you there, varsity!

Hey, Cotton Balls,

Hey, Derrick!

Hey, dick lick, I need to talk to you for a second.

Hey, dick lick...

Hey, do we know what time it is?!

Hey, do you know where I uh...

Hey, don't you girls hate it

Hey, Frankenfag!

Hey, has anybody heard from Jerri Blank?

Hey, how did you know about my snitching problem?

Hey, I figured out a way to derail the toddler train!

Hey, I just heard about your nomination!

Hey, I know where we could get some cinder blocks.

Hey, I made you a present.

Hey, I oughta replace it with this.

Hey, Jer, I got a bone for ya.

Hey, Jerr, I hear Anne is coming to your party!

Hey, Jerri,

Hey, Jerri, how's your face?

Hey, Jerri, I'm sorry about what happened.

Hey, Jerri, what's up?

Hey, Jerri, why the long face?

Hey, Jerri, you're gonna have

Hey, Jerri!

Hey, Kimberly!

Hey, let's go outside and shoot some hoops.

Hey, make a pass at her and find out.

Hey, Mom, it's me, Jerri.

Hey, Mr. Jellineck?

Hey, of course I'm gonna pay for it.

Hey, plug, I just got 37 in a row.

Hey, Poppy.

Hey, Pops, can I borrow the car when you're done tuning it?

Hey, Pops, can I have a few bucks for some chow?

Hey, sack,

Hey, school went really great today,

Hey, scrote...

Hey, that's where I'm from!

Hey, tinsel teeth.

Hey, troll, aren't you supposed to be

Hey, we all want to have fun.

Hey, we're going over to the Bronzery Barn.

Hey, what are you doing here, Mr. Jellineck?

Hey, where's Gregory?

Hey, yeah, we could throw this off!

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey...

Hi there, Jerri.

Hi, Amber.

Hi, can I speak with you for a moment?

Hi, Mother.

Hi.

High school is a lot like the slammer.

His name was Prince...

History has taught us many things.

Hmm, that's funny.

Hmm, you're right.

Hmm?

Hmm... I love free samples!

Hmm... no carpal, interesting.

Hmmm, what about that angry young native boy?

Hmmm, your metaphor confuses me,

Hmmm..

Hmmm...

Hmmm... I don't know.

Ho!!

Hold it there

Hold it, right there at the border, mi muchacho

Hold on a minute, Jerri.

Hold still, guy.

Homecoming queen nominee coming through...

Hopefully what I've got to say

How 'bout this one!

How can I return the calls

How convenient.

How dare you come into this house with a drug problem

How dare you!

How do you cope with society's bull?

How do you feel?

How do you get off?

How do you know everything about it?

How do you like the hot fruit?

How do you think Achilles felt...

How he lost two pounds by spitting.

How many of you...

How was your first day being an idiot savant?

How'd your test go, Jerri?

How's it goin', Suzy?

How's my favorite little turtle?

How's my favorite little woodpecker, huh?

How's the school taking it?

How's this taste?

Huh, 278?

Huh, it's not really what I had in mind, but...

Huh, other than the obvious, well...

Huh?

Huhh!!

Huhhh...

I almost had to get braces, once.

I already put the turkey in the oven.

I also realize that

I am a man!

I am impressed, Miss Downes!

I am?

I anticipated that you'd feel this way.

I begged my mother not to tell anyone, I was so embarrassed.

I believe the person... The person who spray painted...

I believe you, Jerri.

I bet if Principal Blackman heard your special story

I bet she runs sweet.

I bet you could dry beef down there.

I came as soon as I got it.

I came here to leave.

I can just... reinforce the trouble spots.

I can make drugs.

I can play!

I can read a calendar.

I can supply you with plenty of L glutamine.

I can tell you're not a racist, and you know how?

I can't do this year all over again.

I can't finish your dress

I can't get it out of my nose!

I can't go to lunch.

I can't smoke one stick of pot, or take one needle of coke.

I can't spend any time with you today.

I care for you, Paul!

I care for you.

I claim this mule for Flatpoint!

I could really go for a brownie 'bout now.

I could whip up a batch tonight with my eyes closed.

I couldn't help noticing..

I couldn't hit the street scene with the squares,

I did it.

I did things I wouldn't force on a mule.

I did.

I didn't come here to dance, Principal Blackman.

I didn't lure you over here to talk about some dates.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I didn't.

I do have a winning smile.

I don't care if they're just like me and me.

I don't even know her!

I don't even know if racism exists anymore,

I don't have a job or any maternal instincts.

I don't hear any thinking!

I don't know anything about helping people, do you?

I don't know anything about my real mother

I don't know how you pulled it together, but good for you.

I don't know if I wanna help someone.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know, "Bogey Nights"?

I don't know, I guess... I'm...

I don't know, I hear, uhh...

I don't know, Jerri, uh, but,

I don't know.

I don't know...

I don't mean any of this, really.

I don't think I'm good at helping other people.

I don't think I'm what the boys consider a "traditional beauty."

I don't think so.

I don't think that's gonna happen.

I don't understand.

I don't want to associate you

I don't want to be your friend anymore.

I don't want to hear that talk in my house,

I don't want you to go, Ricky.

I don't.

I don't...

I dunno, dance, da... ahem dance with me?

I dunno, weren't we just making these up?

I figured out a way to tighten the emotional thumbscrews

I find you sexually attractive.

I gave the donkey a record four and a half foot toss.

I got a tooth knocked out

I got a wicked arm, y'know!

I got both your powdered and crack cocaine,

I got it at the Comfort Zone.

I got some big fat doobies in here,

I got something to say!

I got you this fun bucket of assorted popcorn

I got your goofballs, I got your peyote, amphetamines,

I gotta get my name out of this ballot box

I guess I can't say for sure.

I guess I haven't had a chance yet.

I guess I'm a genius too!

I guess it's for the best, seems.

I guess snarking's not such a bad thing.

I guess the most important thing to remember is:

I guess we shouldn't hug.

I guess you heard my awful news...

I guess.

I guess...

I had to do some chores.

I had to have it in every color.

I had to relieve myself.

I hate you too, Mr. Noblet.

I have no problem with the word itself, Jerri.

I have to go practice this thing.

I have to replace the front quarter panel

I have to work on a paper.

I have to.

I hear most of the people you help can walk...

I hear you're protecting a racist.

I heard you're a snitch.

I hereby declare, Ricky and Jerri

I hope nobody runs over your bike, young lady.

I hope she didn't use too much sunscreen.

I hope Spike's still kickin',

I hope this has something to do with the incident.

I hope you grew as much I did.

I I didn't mean anything.

I I think...

I just can't be new again.

I just do my best to fit in.

I just don't think you should get your hopes up.

I just find it odd that such a racist

I just have to figure out a way to

I just started this job and my plugs weren't taking,

I just wanted to tell Jerri.

I knew it.

I know a lot of you ladies are gonna be attending

I know all lll about your kind.

I know I'd come up with a clue.

I know it feels good.

I know this must be extremely hard on you.

I know we've all read the "scientific studies" that say

I know what you're thinking,

I know you haven't touched the violin since Mother died

I know you're really busy.

I know, I read the note.

I like 'em old...

I like me.

I like the pole and the hole.

I like you a lot.

I like you.

I like your style.

I like your wheels...

I love the golf theme this year.

I made it out of words and pictures from magazines.

I may not be going to Goodtime Island.

I mean at first I thought well, "all right."

I mean if she wasn't

I mean it's not like snitching on a real person, or anything.

I mean, bring a book.

I mean, c'mon, it always worked before.

I mean, granted they're both ugly, right?

I mean, why shouldn't I?

I mean...

I mean... "Jerri."

I meant it... I meant it to be a parable?

I must have a hundred pounds and sixteen inches on the boy.

I nearly chopped your head off because I was high!

I need to ask you for some advice.

I need to know who's coming to my party on Friday night.

I never ever uh...

I only wish I knew what I had to offer.

I picked it up in Florida 'bout 15 years ago.

I plea bargained.

I prefer... a clean simple...

I promise I won't.

I realized that by helping others,

I really care for you.

I recognize it.

I said "thank you."

I see grays and browns and grays...

I see you haven't had a chance to sign up for my party yet.

I should be sitting on this bus,

I should go. [HORN CONTINUES]

I should have known he was covering for you.

I should've listened to my daddy.

I spent 32 years of my life selling my body

I stopped by today because I've recently discovered

I suggest massive amounts of selenium sulfide.

I suggest you pack a little bag because...

I sure hope she comes.

I sure love to watch those youngsters spill.

I sure wish I had your blessing.

I think maybe I just have.

I think Mr. Jellineck was right.

I think they're kinda... sexy.

I think you ought to turn in that girl.

I think you should be more concerned

I think you're old enough to make your own mistakes.

I think you're pushing him too hard.

I thought I smelled ball smoke.

I thought I'd teach class today in a more informal setting.

I told him I didn't know, but he didn't believe me.

I traded you for a guitar.

I understand.

I used it liberally when I did this donkey show in Tijuana.

I wanna get high!

I wanna show you something.

I want you to give me the turtle, alright...

I want you to have it.

I want you to know, Principal Blackman,

I want you to write a history poem on Hiroshima

I wanted to show you this.

I was a boozer, a user, and a loser.

I was a teenage runaway for 32 years.

I was actually speaking of Jerri.

I was already brilliant at without any practice.

I was fat.

I was gonna ask uh...

I was gonna say this in private

I was hoping we could shoot the breeze a bit, you know, rap.

I was hoping you would drop it off at the cleaners.

I was in the washroom,

I was just coming to give you this collection of sonnets.

I was just joking, Jerri.

I was just telling the ladies

I was nominated for homecoming queen, today...

I was nominated today.

I was talking about you.

I was this close

I was with your daughter during her final agonizing moments.

I was..

I will always, always treasure this book.

I won't be dining with a pan faced chimp...

I wonder what they're hiding?

I would just die if anything ever, ever happened to you.

I wouldn't be surprised if you took the new kid.

I wrote on the beach.

I, ummm...

I...

I... I thought you were all better.

I'd go study.

I'd hate to see you gettin' mixed up

I'd like to ask you a few questions,

I'd like to see you at a quarter after never.

I'd like to take her under my wing

I'd take it over.

I'd treat them a hell of a lot better than you're treating me!

I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high.

I'll be in my bedroom.

I'll be out in time to start freshman year all over again.

I'll be the laughing stock of Flatpoint High!

I'll be the laughing stock of Flatpoint High.

I'll be there.

I'll be watching you.

I'll be with you in a moment, Jerri.

I'll catch up with you booties, later.

I'll drive!

I'll give you a hint.

I'll have the widow's league send over some casseroles.

I'll have your father call Principal Black Man tomorrow.

I'll help you practice.

I'll peel my own bananas.

I'll see ya.

I'll see you after class.

I'll see you in Spanish... so...

I'll show ya an easy one...

I'll show ya...

I'll tell him.

I'll tell you what: I'll call a friend of mine.

I'll think about it.

I'll treasure it.

I'll wait for you at school tomorrow, Jerri.

I'll work hard to try and fit in here at... Flatpoint.

I'm a bee, and I have to get back to the hive.

I'm a boy.

I'm a bumble bee!

I'm a dentist, Jerri.

I'm a fun guy!

I'm a little bit wiser.

I'm a little dry.

I'm a student just like you.

I'm an orphan, Jerri.

I'm back in high school, living at home,

I'm being fitted for the homecoming crown.

I'm blind, Jerri.

I'm doing it for all the right reasons.

I'm finding out that though the faces have changed,

I'm going to drive with my eyes closed!

I'm going to have to fit you for braces.

I'm going to run to the little boys' room

I'm gonna be a jester!

I'm gonna be the laughing stock of Flatpoint High!

I'm gonna get laid!

I'm gonna get that. You do some scales.

I'm gonna have a makeup room at my party on Friday

I'm gonna head down to Principal Blackman's office and take a shower.

I'm gonna hit the crapper

I'm gonna pass my exams

I'm guess I'm going to turn her in.

I'm having a hard time fitting in and making friends.

I'm having a Poppy Downes memorial party

I'm having some of the violent students

I'm here to say something.

I'm I I was thinking about her.

I'm impressed.

I'm Jerri Blank,

I'm just blind.

I'm leaving Flatpoint, Jerri.

I'm making out with Yasmine.

I'm no squealer, alright?

I'm not a snitch like your little friend Orlando

I'm not Chinese! I'm Filipino!

I'm not deaf and you don't stutter.

I'm not going to tell you.

I'm not gonna wear any underwear!

I'm not retarded!

I'm not retarded! No... oh!

I'm not snarking on anybody!

I'm not sure.

I'm not the racist, nor is Mr. Kittens here.

I'm not the same Jerri Blank who informed on those blind orphans.

I'm not the same Jerri Blank who revealed the hiding place

I'm not.

I'm only having this party so I can make some friends.

I'm plenty wet...

I'm pretty sure it was a Cuban

I'm raising quite a lather.

I'm ready to make my report.

I'm ready to...

I'm saying you fail.

I'm secretary of the Pleasure Club.

I'm serious now, I better start seeing

I'm so sorry, but...

I'm so sorry, Paul.

I'm sorry it's so late

I'm sorry, I was insensitive.

I'm sorry, Jerri, I don't want anyone

I'm sorry, kids can be so cruel in their pranks.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I'm sure it will all work out fine.

I'm sure you all came to hear me express my genius.

I'm telling you, you're just wasting your

I'm telling you, you're wasting your time.

I'm thinking of running away.

I'm working on it.

I'm, uh...

I've already won my crown.

I've always thought so.

I've been clean for a year!

I've been waiting all lll since you walked in here

I've calculated your final grade point average

I've come to stop the madness.

I've got a good excuse...

I've got someone in mind.

I've got something I'd... like to say.

I've got something to say!

I've got something to say!!

I've got something to say.

I've gotta go.

I've graded your term papers.

I've learned a lot...

I've learned that the violin is an evil instrument

I've never heard the Louisiana Purchase

I've never played before...

I've seen the word.

I've seen this one before...

I've written my address at the back of the class,

If I bought a tan dress,

If I could just concentrate on this,

If I don't know who called?

If I had any kids I kept

If I keep these grades up.

If it were up to me, I'd beat it out of you.

If she catches on, she may fly into a rage

If you get a chance, check out the...

If you look at the pamphlet...

If you refer to your pamphlet, please.

Imagine how powerful it would have been in color.

Imagine one degree...

In bone, in beige, in tan.

In front of a bunch of judges?

In front of an undercover cop..

In his old lady's basement.

In my office!

In the "ass blaster."

In the answer to the question,

In the bus station making junk money

In the old days I would turn people on to hash or Thai stick

In the whole competition.

In the wrong crowd.

Inside this sturdy lead container,

Ironic.

Is at this very moment,

Is how do we... treat the drug addict..

Is in black and white.

Is it so different to be new?

Is starting to cut into your chores.

Is that a fact?

Is that not what you don't want me not to do?

Is that when we win tomorrow you're gonna look like a fool!

Is you have to take that anger

Is your own filth!

Isn't supposed to be a doctor, is that it?

It could never beat an ass like Yasmine.

It is a shame you're going to miss

It is with deep regret,

It jumps the fence and goes to sleep.

It just took a white one to prove it to me.

It makes the teeth translucent.

It only means I'm spending less time with you, alright?

It puts 'em on edge.

It said... ni ni ni nnn.

It should be about me.

It tore apart the oddly close relationship of these teachers

It tore me away from my dear, loving father.

It tore me away from my friends...

It was either this obese bail bondsman with a harelip,

It was my grandfather's, then my father's and finally it was passed down to me,

It was this cut out thing they had...

It was yesterday, Jerri.

It wasn't a prank.

It will break your mother's heart.

It won't change the reason why you don't play violin,

It would make you trip your tight little ass off.

It's "Shelly for President"!

It's a bake sale.

It's a Chinaman.

It's a friendship collage.

It's a gift from God that allows us to turn raw feelings

It's a tooth

It's about choices, and I've chosen to make a mistake.

It's an angry word.

It's as simple as that.

It's been a pleasure teaching you,

It's creeping up the trail

It's donkey time! It's donkey time! It's donkey time!

It's for real, Stepmother,

It's for us.

It's graffiti that offends me.

It's important that we never forget the atrocities

It's important that you have clean lines

It's inner beauty that wins people's hearts.

It's just a little blood and we've all seen blood before.

It's late, Chuck, what do you want?

It's like living in a prison.

It's made of drywall, or something, I'm not sure.

It's me, Jerri.

It's non addictive and that there are no side effects.

It's noon, Jerri.

It's not about mistakes, Mother.

It's not always easy doing the wrong things the right way.

It's not so bad making friends with drugs, is it?

It's not that bad having braces.

It's nothing.

It's OK!

It's OK.

It's okay, I used to be a grief counselor.

It's okay, I'll take you away from the scary clown.

It's on an easel...

It's only the most important category

It's really a loss about Poppy.

It's really beautiful. I know.

It's taking over the whole yard.

It's the Battle of Miami.

It's the laundry.

It's the Liberty Bell.

It's time for the animal show!

It's too late, Jerri.

It's worth all the whiskey in a drunkard's dream, Jerri.

It's... Blackman.

Jealous?

Jeez, I don't know any of these.

Jeez... I'm on my way right now.

JELLINECK: My car!! Get away!!

JERRI & JELLINECK: Just go with what you know.

Jerri has refused to cooperate in our official investigation.

Jerri here has a very precious gift.

Jerri is a violin prodigy.

Jerri, aren't you going to introduce me

Jerri, clearly you have inner beauty.

Jerri, come on, use your brain,

Jerri, could I see you at the podium for a second, please?

Jerri, do you know who supplied Poppy Downes with the drugs

Jerri, do you..

Jerri, everyone in school...

Jerri, I am alarmed by the content of this note...

Jerri, I know you gotta study and everything,

Jerri, I know you want to be homecoming queen.

Jerri, I need crisp shots to the timpani,

Jerri, I wouldn't worry about those grades.

Jerri, I'm a little concerned about all this party talk.

Jerri, I'm a person of color

Jerri, I'm afraid I can't read this note.

Jerri, I've got to find out who the bigot is.

Jerri, if you really want to win the homecoming crown,

Jerri, it was you!

Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, not now, please.

Jerri, let me give you a little advice.

Jerri, listen.

Jerri, look, don't get down.

Jerri, maybe you should just leave.

Jerri, no!

Jerri, take her place.

Jerri, that's an ugly thing to say.

Jerri, the dance is this Friday.

Jerri, the other content.

Jerri, this is where all the hard work begins.

Jerri, today we're gonna work on

Jerri, what do you have there?

Jerri, you can't run against yourself

Jerri, you got a zero.

Jerri, you have a very precious gift.

Jerri, you wanna go throw stuff off the overpass?

Jerri, you're gonna be late for orchestra practice.

Jerri, you're up.

JERRI: Derrick,

JERRI: Have you seen "Booty Call"?

JERRI: Mr. Noblet!

JERRI: Over here! C'mon! Over here! C'mon!

JERRI: Well... guess I'm all packed.

Jerri!

Jerri! Jerri!

Jerri! Jerri! Jerri!

Jerri!!!

Jerri!?

Jerri?

Jerri.

Jerri...

Jerri... [STIFLED GRUNT]

Jerri... Jerri!!

Jerri... oh my...

Jerri."

Jerri's life should not be about you, Chuck.

Jerri's not something you capture, Chuck.

Judges, tally your votes!

Just a minute.

Just because I have a slight overbite...

Just dig around, like a badger in a trash can.

Just get her to acquiesce and...

Just listen to what I'm saying...

Just so I could cope!

Just thought I'd liven the office

Just transferred in.

Just trying to help, Spencer.

Just what genetics tells me.

Just, uh, stay on the runner.

Keep it down, keep it down

Keeps me in touch.

Keeps them calmer.

Kind of Indian, but...

King's dream was of an America without racism of any kind.

Kittens, you're pretty good!

KITTENS: Now go on...

KITTENS: So I've put together this teaching tool.

Ladies

Lance, lights?

Laughing with your friends.

Lemme show you some tricks I used to do with Ramone!

Lemme think about it.

Let me finish teaching this punk a lesson.

Let me get this straight.

Let me help you with that.

Let me tell you a little story.

Let me tell you something, they all do.

Let's forget the cranking.

Let's get it on!

Let's go get you a badge, because you know what?

Let's go now!

Let's go see Mr. Noblet

Let's go, Trish!

Let's go!

Let's have it, Jerri, give it to me.

Let's have it.

Let's hear it for The Donkettes!

Let's just say a jealous little Filipino snitch told me

Let's just say... It's a bong.

Let's practice!

Let's read it now!

Let's start with the Louisiana Purchase.

Like steaming water and a high lather.

Like which ones?

Like you're striking a lover's rump:

Line! [CLASS GASPS]

Listen to me, Jerri, you know something,

Listen, Jerri, don't think of it as snitching.

Listen, will you watch Gregory, while I go pack a few things?

Literally, "The High City."

Lock that door on the way out.

Lock the door.

Look at the word.

Look at what you've done to your father.

Look I better go, but first...

Look uh..

Look, all I'm saying is if you still want to smoke pot,

Look, Daddy, I'm sorry but I gotta do this.

Look, he's not a racist!

Look, I got the legs of a mongoose!

Look, I'll just finish up the dress,

Look, I'll prove to you that I'm not.

Look, I'm enjoying this as much as you people,

Look, I'm gonna go get some punch.

Look, Jerri, I don't mean to butt in, but...

Look, Jerri, I have no idea what this is all about

Look, Mr. Noblet, you only get one chance at childhood,

Look, that's it for today, people.

Look, we know these images are shocking,

Look, you don't have to do this!

Louisiana!

Louisiana.

Lunchtime, second most important meal of the day.

Lying in a pool, of what you hope,

Make room for my big royal heinie!

Make room!

Make some smart choices.

Makes me want to weep.

Makes my lips numb.

Making dinner tonight?

MAN [ON CASSETTE]: Hi, this is Wilford Brimley.

Man, he must be on the warpath.

Man, you people are old!

MAN: Oh, my dear God, my heart!

Mari juana.

MARTIN LUTHER KING [ON VIDEO]: I have a dream...

Master and mistress of "Bogey Nights."

Maybe I should go tell Mr. Jellineck.

Maybe I study too much?

Maybe Mr. Jellineck's right.

Maybe now would be a good time to do it.

Maybe Saturday we could go to

Maybe we have a shot now that you're gone.

Maybe we should just study.

Maybe we should show him the film again.

Maybe we shouldn't smoke pot anymore.

Maybe you and Derrick could co host the party...

Maybe you could show it to your daughter!

Maybe, I was thinking, uh...

Maybe... You should leave.

Me, back in school after 32 years of

Might be able to buy some big fat doobies?

Minus the beatings and the sodomy.

Mm, she sounds pretty.

Mmmm... it's making my lips numb.

Mom, did you see my cummerbund?

Mom, this is Shelly

Mom, what did you do to win homecoming queen?

Mom!

More like Queen of the Trolls.

Most gay people are retarded.

Most new people are, until provoked,

Most of you probably know it by it's ancient Dutch name...

Most who or what?

Mr. and Mrs. Blank, I called you in today

Mr. and Mrs. Downes, as you probably know,

Mr. Blank, I hope you're sitting down.

Mr. Blank, Mrs. Blank,

Mr. Blank...

Mr. Cotton, I'd like you to meet Mr. Kittens.

Mr. Jellineck,

Mr. Jellineck, could I talk to you?

Mr. Jellineck?

Mr. Jellineck?!

Mr. Noblet says it's my one chance to be something I'm not

Mr. Noblet wants me to snitch on a friend.

Mr. Noblet, you better go.

Mr. Noblet?

Mrs. Blank, it's an awkward age.

Mrs. Blank, we're doing our best to weed them out.

Mrs. Blank.

Music is bad, and I'll never play again.

Must have been during the holidays.

My [BLEEP] hole's hungry, baby!

My brain?

My dad's already signed my permission slip and everything!

My eyes... arrrghh!

My foster dad just got a new job.

My friends were dealers, cons and 18 carat pimps.

My friends, my family, the school.

My God, my hands!

My God, we should go just to have a good laugh.

My God...

My husband does not allow violin playing in this house.

My life's going so much better than your real child Derrick's.

My locker mate?

My mom's the same way.

My name is Percy Kittens,

My new best friend."

My parents were brutally murdered, and...

My vagina's been all puffy...

Name's Jerri...

Name's Paul, right? Paul Cotton?

Neither are most of the Jew ones.

Neither do I.

Never talk about your marijuana exploits

New student.

New students lead to bad reputations.

Nice, I made it myself.

Nn no. I don't know...

Nn no...

Nn nope.

No dessert, Jerri.

No Mylar balloons, they never deflate,

No offense.

No one is coming to your party, plug.

No one makes friends with a failure.

No, about Clawson getting boiled!

No, but if Poppy ever wakes up,

No, come back!

No, I don't, Jerri, and neither will Noblet!

No, I'm not into pot.

No, I'm not saying that new isn't bad,

No, Jerri, that's... All right.

No, Jerri, what are you doing?!!

No, Jerri, when I say "hint,"

No, Jerri.

No, Jerri...

No, no, never.

No, no, no, retarded people.

No, Orlando, I learned a valuable lesson...

No, that's it!

No, why?

No!

No! I was stoned!

No?

No.

No. I won't let you go! Not now, not again!

No...

No... a pun!

No... no... No...

Noblet, cart her away.

Noblet, I'm happy you're here.

Noblet, you are in my spot.

NOBLET: Jerri!

NOBLET: This violin has passed down

Noblet...

Noblet's class.

Nobody does.

Nobody wants braces, Jerri...

Nobody.

Nominations for my homecoming empress are now closed!

Nope, Derrick was just about to tell us

Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Not there!

Nor do I wanna to teach you,

Not even a bullet would bring her down.

Not even as a joke!

Not even the doctor.

Not on Goodtime Island.

Not relying on me.

Not... [WHOOPING]

Nothing new, but I'm worried about Geoffrey Jellineck.

Nothing revitalizes the spirit

Nothing to see here that hasn't already been seen!

Nothing unusual.

Nothing...

Now bear down and ride it...

Now do you all have your costumes?

Now get off!!

Now he re enacts crime scenes for television.

Now I know that whomever supplied her with the glint...

Now it's time to rope and brand the donkey!

Now it's yours

Now ladies, on your marks...

Now look what you've done!

Now she's mine.

Now the point of the meeting this afternoon

Now this particular kiln heats up to 1500 degrees.

Now we still have 55 minutes left for class,

Now why don't you run along.

Now you run along and have fun.

Now, can anyone tell me...

Now, don't you run away from me, young lady!

Now, don't you two stay up yakking all night.

Now, hopefully with this book, I'm gonna dispel a few myths.

Now, I don't want to ruin y'alls fun

Now, I want you to treat Ricky as you would

Now, if you could take that beauty,

Now, Jeffery... it's Geoffrey!

Now, Jerri, come on up here.

Now, Paul, isn't that word just as offensive

Now, there's this herb...

Now, we admire your loyalty, but we suspect your tenacity.

Number one or number two!?

Number two.

Obsessive, just like me.

Of a beautiful ten pound bouncing suspension.

Of a...

Of Charlaton Elementary

Of course I'm going!

Of course you do, darling,

Of course, Becky Ann Bedecker!

Of course, I do.

Of course, it is.

Of course, of course I do.

Of course!

Of loyalty in a world full of betrayal.

Of the top ten people in this area.

Of those Guatemalans, such as yourself.

Of what were you relieved?

Of your native soils.

Off the top of your head

Oh and Jerri...

Oh babies, I love you Shelly.

Oh boy,

Oh certainly, come on in.

Oh God!

Oh guy, please cut back that wandering Jew,

Oh hello, Jerri. You're late for supper.

Oh hey, Kimberly.

Oh hi, Jerri, I'm glad you're home.

Oh listen, I've got to ask you to do me a favor.

Oh listen, never mind.

Oh look, I gotta study for a test.

Oh look, the donkey's still kicking.

Oh no, that's not a good idea, Jerri!

Oh no... right.

Oh Pepper, a turtle, very nice!

Oh really, Jerri?

Oh Ricky,

Oh right!

Oh sure, aren't we all.

Oh sure, yeah.

Oh th that's cool,

Oh that... I did it.

Oh well, it's a good opportunity

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

Oh yeah, that... heh, heh.

Oh yeah, then who are you taking to the dance?

Oh yeah, well, you know, we hang.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's gonna numb it.

Oh yeah?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah... I drew a beak on the thumb there.

Oh yes... I collected Green Stamps for the terminally ill.

Oh yes... The graffiti.

Oh you gotta bring records...

Oh your brother helped me pick it out.

Oh, a lot of the swelling's gone down,

Oh, and Poppy,

Oh, and why not?

Oh, boo hoo.

Oh, but wouldn't that cause problems, Jerri?

Oh, c'mon, 7:00 a.m.!

Oh, Clawson, I don't need Goodtime Island

Oh, close. Very close.

Oh, forget about it, let's go to lunch, I'm starving.

Oh, Gregory.

Oh, he... he got sleepy,

Oh, he's really nice.

Oh, hello, Becky.

Oh, hello, Principal Blackman.

Oh, hey, Jerri.

Oh, hi, Jerri.

Oh, how many times have I been punished

Oh, I almost forgot...

Oh, I gotta leave early today.

Oh, I just like to eat with you kids every so often.

Oh, I just want to be homecoming queen so badly.

Oh, I like riddles.

Oh, I like you too, Mommy.

Oh, I see...

Oh, I uh I brought a note.

Oh, I wanted to give you this.

Oh, I was uh... holding a vigil.

Oh, I'm sorry, she was only kidding.

Oh, I'm still doing the wrong things,

Oh, it's a turkey!

Oh, it's not a legal holiday,

Oh, it's not what you think.

Oh, Jerri, I need to know tonight

Oh, Jerri, it's never an easy time for a mother

Oh, Jerri!

Oh, Jerri.

Oh, just a little bit of Americana

Oh, leave them alone, Jerri.

Oh, listen, Orlando...

Oh, Mr. Noblet.

Oh, my God, I guess I do like black people.

Oh, or... can you ever forgive me?

Oh, thank you, Jerri.

Oh, that kind of "special."

Oh, that's right, you've got that coconut head hair.

Oh, the gap.

Oh, the stringy paddle?

Oh, then he kissed her on the neck.

Oh, then you're lying?

Oh, well, your father and I will miss you.

Oh, where did you hear that?

Oh, y'know, Jerri, I can't

Oh, yeah, maybe not.

Oh, yeah...

Oh, you look really busy.

Oh, you must be her uncle.

Oh, you're definitely going to need some orthodonture

Oh, your health club called,

Ohh God, I see a carnival of colors!

Ohh God.

Ohh man!

Ohh, I just thought this little hobby of yours

Ohhh, from a Korean grocer... okay...

Ohhh, really?

Ohhh, this book means the world to me.

Ohhh...

Ohhh... heh heh.

Ohhh... hope I have enough wax!

Ohhh... ohhh Shelly.

Ohhhh my...!!

Ohhhhh man, I almost forgot!

OK, numero deuce: Knock, knock!

Okay, all right... A riddle?

Okay, as soon as these are baked,

Okay, c'mon, Orlando, bring it on!

Okay, calm down.

Okay, class dismissed.

Okay, everybody out.

Okay, everybody, that does it for freshman year.

Okay, first of all, I'd like you to know...

Okay, good job.

Okay, Jerri.

Okay, ladies time to climb!

Okay, let's burn it down.

Okay, moving on...

Okay, sit down.

Okay, then, let's climb.

Okay, we're all at a party,

Okay, why don't you bring your projects by.

Okay, why don't you run along.

Okay, you run along, I got work to do.

Okay, you understand?

Okay?

Okay...

Old and fast.

On either side of the "bacon strip."

On that box of slightly irregular jeans.

On the beach.

On the beach...

On the last day of school?

On the percussion instruments.

On your lips.

Once upon a time, there was a princess named...

Once you get to Goodtime Island?

One night, I was thrown by a horse

One night... I'll make this quick...

One of its cities is named, uh, Baton Rouge.

Only if you fall, let's climb!

Only this time, when I make the wrong choices,

Only your integrity, Jerri.

Onyx, Chuck.

Onyx, please. I would.

Onyx, you're not helping.

Onyx! Ha ha ha...

Ooh, ha ha.

Ooh, hmm, who's that?

Ooh, I better.

Ooh, why don't you take one of those...

Ooh!

Ooh! Ha, ha, ha...

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!

Oooogh!!

Or "satan's harelip."

Or a Cuban.

Or a palm full of goofballs, or 'ludes...

Or are you saving all these empty chairs for somebody?

Or I am gonna want you out of this house!

Or maybe I should.

Or rather, y'know, what's left of it.

Or removes the grit and grime of a hard day of principaling

Or were you born with them?

Or whether I'm a pleasure to meet?

Orlando!

Orlando? He volunteered to clean the wall.

Otherwise, we'd be kicking the hate out of your racist buddy.

Our little fudgepot has made a brave effort

Our little handy man here.

Our mighty old oaks.

Outgoing, beautiful, gorgeous.

Over the firm young flanks of our females...

Oww! Heh, heh... Oh, pardon me.

Owww!

Owwww!!

Owwww...

Party's over, alright?

Paul, I think you should leave.

Paul, I'm hoping this will show you

People tell me things.

Percy, you got my call!

Perfectly appropriate beach wear for Greece.

Perhaps you did it.

Physically."

Pick a side!

Picking up my life exactly where I left off.

Please, Chuck, just go.

Please, don't soil my memories.

Please!

Pleasure, hooooo!

POLICE RADIO: We have a 3 11 in progress, on the corner of 5th and...

Pop out the block,

Poppy Downes is in a coma?!

Poppy Downes OD'd and she's in a coma.

Poppy Downes overdosed.

Poppy passed away about an hour ago.

Poppy!

Practice!

Prepare to die by my hand.

Prince Weasel!

Principal Black Man...

Principal Blackman says he has ways to get it out of her.

Principal Blackman wanted me to speak to you

Principal Blackman will take care of

Principal Blackman, if I did have anything...

Principal Blackman! Principal Blackman!

Principal.

Probably make all state.

Prostitution, and money laundering;

Pssst!

Pull him over!

Purchase Louisiana?

Put away your claws, Kittens.

Put glass in their slippers.

Put the brush down!

Put the mallet down and never touch them again.

Put the mallets down.

Quick, hand me your afro pick!

Quick, to my office!

Read between these lines

Read chapters 15 through 23.

Really, "joking," that's funny.

Really, Anne who?

Really, Jerri, that's fine.

Really, Jerri?

Really?

Really? What a coinka dink.

Really? You have such a beautiful brother.

Recognize this color?

Redneck...

Remember how I said I never met my real mother.

Remember that.

Remember, everybody, the fun bus leaves tomorrow

Remember, Jerri, Goodtime Island.

Retardation: A Celebration.

Retarded.

Reward enough for the Greeks?

Ricky, will you, uh...

Ricky!

Ricky?

Ricky?!

Ricky...

Right in the seat of your pants.

Right now you've got some work to do, young lady.

Right, escapist just like I used to be...

Right, Noblet...

Right, well, I don't think she's retarded

Run along.

Run by savage animals, much like Brazil.

Safely nestled in their internment camps.

SARA: Jerri, what's going on up there?

SARA: Ohh, guy!

Sash please.

Say, Jerri, let's strike a little bargain.

Say, Jerry...

Say, let's quiz each other on dates!

Say, mind if I join you?

Scabbie's teeth!?

See the crack?

See ya', babe. Bye.

See, I've got this friend...

See?

Sexy, sexy, muscular black guys... yeah!

Share what's in here...

She can be so over protective sometimes, you know?

She certainly hasn't unwrapped it.

She didn't.

She doesn't understand!

She helps people.

She was old and ugly.

She was probably a short, squat woman

She wasn't even nominated!

She wouldn't be a suspect in the first place!

She'd have to be retarded to turn you down.

She'd never make it through the bone.

She's a very uh... pretty girl,

She's the only one who's been nice to me

She's...

Shelly, this is my real mother.

Shelly!

Shouldn't we have mats underneath the ropes?

Shove your words into my ears.

Show me how you can't play, Chuck!

Shut up! Shut uuuuu up!!!

Shut up! Then I'll say it!

Shut up. Tell her, Chuck!

Shut your dirty little mouth!

Sickly children at the hospital.

Signed by some of our most popular students,

Since I got these braces.

Since you seem to know what's best for everyone.

Sit down.

Sit still, I'll get it.

Slow down, Prince.

Smack it... smack it!

Snitching does.

Snitching doesn't seem like you, Jerri.

So alright...as you were.

So anyway, coach said if I could drop to 109,

So do tell me anything you might happen to remember.

So do they know where she got the drugs?

So don't be surprised if I cut out one of your livers

So happy St. Arbor Days, weak little ficus.

So happy... new year.

So how did school go for you today, Jerri?

So I can break her.

So I guess justice was served.

So I put him in the glove compartment.

So I thought I'd play a little mountain music

So I took the liberty of calling your parents.

So I turned to pot, hoping it would solve my problems.

So I'd shoot up a "hot load" right there

So I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to sit

So I'm going to talk to you about street drugs.

So I'm gonna be giving you a make up exam

So I'm sure you are all wondering how I'm doing

So if you would like to send baskets or donations,

So it's off to Goodtime Island!

So Jerri...

So let's pop a cork in the chatter

So that I won't say it was you.

So think about why you're doing this,

So uh, how's your car?

So um... How's your brain?

So what are you going to do about Kimberly?

So what did Principal Q Ball do to you, huh?

So what's it like sharing a locker

So who goes first?

So who you begging to the dance, spank?

So why don't you come to my crib after school

So you going to ah... Goodtime Island?

So you never showed up with that report yesterday.

So you're not going with Ricky?

So, Uhh...

So, well, at first, alright,

So... did you ask anybody yet?

So... Jerri,

Soaking in your own filth.

Solid brass.

Some gingivitis...

Some of your young athletic faces in my art class, OK?

Somebody slashed my tire.

Someone was bound to freak out and

Something mo' like dis?

Sometimes I can be so retarded.

Sometimes this would do the trick.

Sorry about my stepmom.

Sorry about that, uh huh...

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry I'm tardy...

Sorry, but I'm sure it's not the first time

Sorry, I'm late.

Sorry, Jer, looks like you're "odd man out".

Sorry.

Sounds like a good man.

Speaking of cute...

Speaking of which, I got on Indian underwear,

Spike Jabber's making eyes at you.

Spiro, you're Greek.

Spy on her?!

Stand back.

Stay away from those dopers, Jerri,

Stay in your chair or you'll spill your food!

Stay out of this!

Stay out of this. I'm already in it.

Stay still, I'll get it.

Stick and move, stick and move.

Stoney and I would go over to Buckles,

Stop it!

Stop it! You're killing him!

Stop what you're doing!

Stroke a delic's bumming my stone.

Student.

Stupid blood fart!

Sufficiently humiliating.

Surrounding this mysterious enigma.

Ta ta da ta! Ta ta da ta!

Taffy apples.

Take a hike, rub,

Take a trip with mary jane,

Take care of those hands, Jerri

Talk about you!

Talk about you...

Talk your monkey ass off.

Tallyho!

TEACHER: Alright, let's climb some ropes.

TEACHER: Excellent report, Poppy.

TEACHER: Yes, yes, do it, come on, Jerri.

Tell him you're a friend of mine.

Tell me about it.

Tell me all about it!

Tell you what, Jerri.

Th That was beautiful, Jerri.

Than to put you new students

Than to see each and every one of you in prison.

Thank you all for coming this afternoon,

Thank you, Becky, for that heart warming blather.

Thank you, Jesus, Daddy, and the spook!

Thank you, Miss Bemaman.

Thank you, Mr. Noblet!

Thank you, Principal Blackman.

Thank you, Ricky.

Thank you.

Thanks a bunch!

Thanks for asking, Yasmine.

Thanks for carrying my stuff, Becky.

Thanks for sticking up for me, Jerri.

Thanks to your obstinance,

Thanks... um... are they dangerous?

That are the good students.

That disturbs you, doesn't it?

That doesn't mean I'm giving you the answer.

That Flatpoint High's resident shoo in will not...

That golf cleats can really rip up the gym floor,

That I hate you.

That I would die if anything ever happened to you.

That is it, you are coming to live with me!

That might be used against you in a court of law.

That one day,

That paint smell,

That tears people apart.

That the mighty warrior, Achilles,

That the violent make passionate lovers,

That tore her life from her frail yet popular body?

That turn you on when I'm mean to her?

That was a moving speech, Jerri...

That was fast.

That was odd.

That way I can coordinate the hems.

That way it will be well attended,

That would've been great.

That you all make me sick.

That you and that new student

That your child is... special.

That's a beautiful story, Doctor Link.

That's a contest for the girls, P John.

That's all we have to go on.

That's an ugly word, Mr. Blank!

That's been affecting my class.

That's funny.

That's good, you can play.

That's good.

That's it for today.

That's it, Jerri Blank, I'm the only one left.

That's it.

That's it... Come to Mama... c'mon!

That's Jellineck!

That's me on the beach...

That's no reason to treat her any differently.

That's not true at all.

That's quite a humidor you got there.

That's right, and it's a very expensive habit.

That's right, I need somebody ugly.

That's right!

That's right.

That's right...

That's the same bowl I mixed the glint in!

That's too bad, she usually enjoys pleasure.

That's what I always say.

That's what you're asking me?

That's where the true beauty is...

That's why I have to wear this leg brace

That's wonderful, Derrick.

The bacon strip's sizzlin'!

The big dance on Friday.

The big school trip to Goodtime Island, though.

The Board of Education has very strict guidelines

The buck teeth make me laugh, ha ha ha...

The dance is this Friday!

The dentist realized I had perfect teeth.

The Downes lost a child and I lost a turtle.

The first n...

The food sucks, they tell you where to go and how to do it

The handwriting is so..

The harmony of this glorious institution is at stake!

The hassles are just the same.

The important thing is we're together now!

The important thing is...

The Japanese committed against our boys.

The Jew in the back,

The man locks you in a tin box under the punishing Florida sun

The next step is firing in the kiln.

The only reason you don't want her to compete

The only thing it fixed... was my life.

The only thing we hate more than a racist is spics.

The opium war was fought in 1840...

The point is to help them hurt themselves.

The prince started circling the princess,

The reason you don't play violin is...

The school's honor is riding on this.

The serious nature of this situation.

The stool?

The thought of Derrick leaving home

The tragedy, of course, is that all this footage

The tragic irony of the Trojan war is that

The tragic irony of the Trojan war?

The tragic, racist incident that has shaken all our lives!

The violin is a precious instrument.

The violin.

The whole class heard Mr. Noblet read your note.

Theater of Dionysus, birthplace of drama...

Then be prepared to spend a lot of time...

Then I suggest you spend a little bit more time

Then just relax and let it take you away.

Then why aren't you at the hospital?

Then why don't you do it?

Then you and your wife can't go

Then you came and you scared her away.

There are several ways you can go

There are some bad seeds in this school

There seems to be some... problem.

There was a terrible tragedy in Gym.

There we go.

There's a rumor that you're running for homecoming queen.

There's got to be something I can do.

There's no need to panic, Mr. Blank...

There's nothing I'd like better

There's only one word, how much play could there be?

They all want cake.

They broke me, Doc.

They cracked me open like a rotten molar.

They don't rule it.

They found this on me when I was a baby.

They might go into berserker mode,

They need comfort food.

They never did find out who killed Poppy,

They often return to the scene of the crime.

They punished you for the things you didn't do?

They said you can pick it up anytime.

They tend to be drawn to...

They want me to snitch on my locker mate

They'll just put up the "Pleasure Dome."

They're a menace!

They're adorable!

They're career freshmen.

They're gonna untie her tubes.

They're just blowing off a little grief.

They're just like you and me.

They're my future.

They're my hands.

They're practically nubs.

They're shiny!

Think about it.

Think of it as betraying the retarded.

Thinking about your grades

This dance wasn't accepting green cards

This doesn't concern you.

This Friday night at my house.

This has been a real roller coaster of a year,

This is bitterly...

This is my school,

This is Paul Cotton, Mother.

This is what you're gonna play.

This little tin right here contains the whole rigmarole.

This nation will rise up

This note just got a lot more legible.

This one's mine... all mine.

This party is an "A+".

This says "Jerri."

This second time through high school,

This stuff frees your mind!

This thin, cotton, blousy shirt

This violin belonged to your grandfather

This will have all the information

This?

This.

Those glass and fender dudes will really screw ya'.

Those guys are creeps.

Those keyholes are a menace!

Those two are an odd pair.

Though it was fought over Helen,

Though we will soon forget

Thought herself to be a bumble bee.

Thrash themselves through one!

Throw on some headers,

Tighten the emotional thumbscrews

Tim, "B " not too shabby.

Tina, an ugly woman is never a reward.

Tina.

To 1842, between the Chinese..

To fit in with all the... normal students.

To Goodtime Island, either.

To lift his spirits!

To our second meeting of "M Mad,"

To put that in perspective

To the Sadie Hawkins Dance yet?

To win the Tri County Music Championships

To win the Tri County Music Championships.

To you being held back.

To your clumsy friend?

Tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m.

Tomorrow you're going on the trip of your life.

Too fat, mama's boy...

Totally.

Tried to force herself through a keyhole,

Trish!

Troll, you're lucky I had a heavy lunch,

Uh just uh, slashing the new meat's tires.

Uh uh Mr. Cotton, please we put a lot of work into this.

Uh, I was wearing a dago tee and um..

Uh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Blank.

Uh, Jerri, this is moving a little too fast for me.

Uh, Spike!

Uh, well, uh...

Uh, you're really stumping me...

Uh! Don't ya just love this song!

Uh... do you have a minute?

Uh... I I just... I just don't remember

Uh... what's the last thing you remember?

Uhh, looks like I'm gonna go with...

Uhh!!

Uhh!! Uhh!!

Uhh... big black guys.

Uhhh, I'll be back in a shortly.

Uhhh, I'm not sure. I don't know.

Uhnn...

Um, there's this new kid at school...

Um, ugh, could we maybe, like, have a minute?

Um... well, uh...

Umm, there's someone I want you to meet.

Umm!

Umm... "skunk weed."

Umm... may I come in?

Umm... that horses are friendly creatures,

Until I know what he's wearing.

Until one dark night

Use your horrible past to help other students

Uummp!! Good times.

Uummph!!

Varsity!

Very long day, give me the turtle...

Very sweet girl, but a face that I can beat with my ass!

Vintage?

Violent students.

Volunteers to escort violent students to the dance.

Wait a minute, does that mean Kimberly Timbers is gay?

Wait a second, you can't dismiss my class.

Wait!

Waltz into my classroom in the middle of the semester

Wanna hit?

Want to wake up in a public bathroom

Warden...

Was killed by a small cut to his ankle!

Watch the baton, it's like a sheep,

We all want to be homecoming queen.

We all... Read the note.

We are here today to dedicate

We believe you're protecting someone.

We both have initials carved into our trunks,

We both have thick leathery bark,

We can't go to the dance.

We can't let any outside distractions creep in!

We do!

We don't want a repeat of last year's debacle, hmm?

We don't want them to feel disappointed.

We have a slide show.

We hold these truths to be self ev...

We just got some unsettling news

We know.

We must realize that the new sapling

We need confirmation from one of her peers.

We placed a "Good Luck, Poppy" card,

We shall never forget the cause of her death.

We suspect she might be...

We will penetrate the darkness

We'd all have a bowl of granola."

We'll be supplying you all with tasers.

We'll get baked.

We'll glaze them!

We'll help you study!

We'll just see.

We'll pick it up tomorrow where Peter is mauled by the wolf.

We'll see!

We'll set them on this slate.

We'll take a better look.

We're going to hear from each contestant

We're gonna be chaperoning.

We're gonna do a little demonstration.

We're gonna pass the peace pipe.

We're having a really good time,

We're having corn on the cob, beef jerky

We're not asking you to do anything we wouldn't do.

We're raising money for blind children.

We're serving hot fruit.

We're studying the... Opium Wars.

We've got some dice... Those are fun...

We've only been in school for 3 days!

Weasel!

Welcome to Retardation: A Celebration.

Well all she really wants is for people to like her, see,

Well I'm one tough cookie,

Well, am I a friend of yours, Jerri?

Well, as you can see, I'm back in the slammer

Well, Beck, I guess you proved

Well, Clawson, looks like this case is closed.

Well, first of all, I don't like people.

Well, how am I supposed to flaunt my inner beauty

Well, I can't eat any of that.

Well, I guess I've learned one thing...

Well, I guess... and I'm just stabbing in the dark here,

Well, I haven't really decided yet.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your week in the sun.

Well, I hope you're happy.

Well, I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.

Well, I think you're making a mistake with this choice.

Well, I volunteered to entertain

Well, I was trying to show you...

Well, I was, uh, y'know looking to

Well, I... I thought as much.

Well, I'll see ya later.

Well, I'm kicking you back on.

Well, I'm late for my... angry?

Well, I'm shaken and upset.

Well, if a tree is nice in the forest

Well, if it's so precious, why don't you take it?!

Well, if Jerri has a gift,

Well, if you weren't...

Well, in case anyone's interested,

Well, it's different when we call each other that!

Well, it's not true!

Well, Jerri, I guess it was a parable, after all.

Well, Jerri, maybe someday you'll learn to

Well, Jerri, our friendship was a lot more special to you

Well, let's give those braces a good crank.

Well, let's just say it's one of Principal Blackman's hunches,

Well, little tree, it's been quite a week.

Well, look, I'll make this as quick as possible.

Well, maybe I can be your friend?

Well, maybe you'll win.

Well, Mr. Cotton, I'm all ears.

Well, see ya later, Jerri.

Well, street name's "glint,"

Well, that's it for the celebration.

Well, that's tricky.

Well, the Fun Bus leaves in 15 minutes.

Well, these looks...

Well, traditionally, each contestant helps someone needy.

Well, we suddenly have a race on our hands.

Well, we... have a witness,

Well, we'd probably, track her down, tranquilize her

Well, well, well, what do we've got here?

Well, what are you doing here?

Well, what are you gonna do

Well, what's it going to be, Jerri?

Well, why not?

Well, with the exception of Shelly and Poppy Downes,

Well, you can watch your hands as they brush the cat's teeth.

Well, you can't tell.

Well, you have your whole life to be a child prodigy.

Well, you seem like an outsider.

Well, you're a freshman in high school now, Jerri.

Well, you've got these braces.

Well... can't we still make out?

Well... sorry doesn't make it any better, but...

Well... you can go... for now.

Wha what are you doing?!

What a heavy price to pay for popularity.

What a shame!

What a team I'd make!

What about the Tri County Musical Championships?

What are we having?

What are you and your leather boys up to?

What are you doing in here?

What are you doing with my crown?

What are you doing, Jerri?

What are you doing?

What are you drawing?

What are you painting?

What are you saying?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? You are a notorious racist!

What are you, 108 pounds?

What are you... What are you writing?

What can I do for you, Jerri?

What can I say?

What did I let you make me do?

What did it say?

What did you expect?

What do you got there, Jerri?

What do you mean by that, Paul?

What happened in 1604?

What happened to Martin Luther King?

What happened to you?

What happened!

What have I done?!

What have I got in here, anything?

What have I got to lose?

What have they done?!

What I'd like to know is

What I'm trying to say, Paul, is...

What incident?

What is it?

What the heck, I'm gonna do it.

What the hell... functional head scoop,

What they're talking about.

What this youngster needs is some light hearted clowning

What was I thinking... me queen!

What was that all about?

What was your report on again?

What would you do?

What, about you being a snitch?

What, are you joking?

What, you want a medal?

What?

What? No, I bought that for my stepmother!

What? Well, how...?

What?!

What?! Am I high?!

What?! I don't blame you.

What... wh what? if you run away,

What'd she do?

What're ya lookin' at?!

What're you talking about?

What's going on here, Jerri?

What's happening with that Cotton caper?

What's it on?

What's on your mind, Jerri?

What's on your mind?

What's the difference?

What's this I'm hearing about

What's wrong with him, Jer?

What's your darkest secret?

Whatcha doing?

Whatever it is you do that I did.

Whatever lets you sleep at night...

When a child flies the nest.

When air gets trapped in this region?

When dealing with the area

When I am conducting a meeting about drug problems!

When I get back, you better be here.

When I ran away 32 years ago.

When nature called, who came a knockin'?

When was the last time you saw a dentist, Jerri?

Where did you get the chicken, Jerri?

Where did you hear that?

Where is she, Noblet?

Where Principal Blackman can't dress up like a giant squirrel.

Where she would have the strength of an ape,

Where we placed this time capsule

Where's your permission slip?

Whew!

Which brownie do you think I should choose?

Which could be a godsend, ha ha.

Which I don't know for sure...

Which I don't...

Which in turn we use... to chop down

Which is a greater loss?

Which is it?

Which made the princess a little nervous.

Which one do you want first, Jerri?

Which we cut down to make our new ax handles

Whichever one you want, Officer.

Who are both married with children...

Who are growing into weeds

Who can help you realize my dreams of yours...

Who could I Shanghai?

Who do think you're kidding!?

Who doesn't hate me.

Who doesn't?

Who might be able to come?

Who put you up to it?

Who taught you how to play violin?

Who told me all about you and that new student.

Who told you that?

Who took a crap in the Fleishmanns' holly bushes... Last night.

Who used my walnut and shiitake shampoo?

Who wants to go to a cock fight?

Who was young and beautiful...

Who wrote that word on the board?

Who wrote that word on the wall?!

Who you're taking to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Who's there?

Whoa, that's a hell of an overbite.

Why am I in a ladies jail?

Why are we stuck with the new student?

Why can't we just be friends?

Why did you write such a hateful word on the wall?

Why do I always have to be the bad guy?

Why do you think I'm such a popular teacher...

Why does that name offend me?

Why does your finger smell like his ass?

Why don't we give him a big Flatpoint High welcome.

Why don't you all just go and... wait a second!

Why don't you do that

Why don't you go on down to school

Why don't you go see my man Nico,

Why don't you join me there in a few minutes

Why don't you open wide and we'll take a look...

Why don't you play the violin?

Why don't you run along.

Why don't you see,

Why don't you take a closer look.

Why don't you tell her, Chuck?

Why don't you tell me, Geoffrey?

Why is there a retarded girl in school with my daughter?

Why me?

Why not?

Why not?!

Why were you in the bathroom?

Why would I care?

Why would you say something like that?

WILFORD: All they hear is, "who wants cake?"

Will it?!

Will keep that from ever happening.

Witch hunt...

With a child prodigy, huh?

With a goat...

With an Indian pattern,

With my dead lobster...

With my head on top.

With pleasure.

With thinning hair and a debilitating overbite.

With this sketch of Noblet.

With your failing grades.

Wonderful, Stepmother...

Woof! Woof!

Word has it that you and Poppy are as thick as thieves.

Work out their aggression

Works like a charm! [CHORTLING]

Would care for a person of color.

Would I have made you... this?

Would you call it moody?

Would you like that?

Would you say it was aggressive or presumptuous?

Wow, it fits perfectly.

Wow, what makes you think that?

Wow!

Wow...

Wrap it around your face like bacon around a fillet,

Wrist over wrist, you can do it!

Wrong, and no.

Y'know what would really make her hum?

Y'know, I guess I'm not so bad.

Y'know, I really do wanna win, but...

Y'know, I used to make a living on these looks alone.

Y'know, I've been there and it ain't easy.

Y'know, I've really had it.

Y'know, those girls don't know

Y'know, when I was in high school, I had polio.

Y'know, you and I got a lot in common

Y'know, you really mustn't fly away like this.

Yaaaayy!!!

Yaaayyyyy!!!

Yasmine Sarrong!

YASMINE: Okay, Jen, Heather, Stacy, Riahana...

Yasmine?!

Yayy! Yayy! Yayy!

Ye ouch, don't quit your day job.

Yeah, and then what?

Yeah, at jerking off.

Yeah, beauty.

Yeah, but he's...

Yeah, but she's all ugly.

Yeah, c'mon.

Yeah, everything's funny on pot, isn't it?

Yeah, I think you should, too.

Yeah, I understand. That's okay.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've got this one wrapped up.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, if nobody else was nominated!!

Yeah, Jerri!

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Yeah, probably not.

Yeah, sleep lightly, ya pussy.

Yeah, that's too bad.

Yeah, to move back...

Yeah, way to go, brace face.

Yeah, we all are.

Yeah, well, I want a meal, not a snack.

Yeah, well, it's your loss!

Yeah, well, name one good thing.

Yeah, well, read between the lines, pussy!

Yeah, well, that's because your country is ruled by monkeys.

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah it does.

Yeah, yeah, it's too bad.

Yeah, yeah...

Yeah, yeah... Thanks.

Yeah, you're right, spark that spleef.

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah... I used to get stoned.

Yeahh!

Yeahh! Yeahh! Yeahh!

Yeahhh!

Yes, but now I have an excuse!

Yes, Derrick has always been exceptional.

Yes, go with what you know.

Yes, I will

Yes, I'm a black man, and yes, I'm dressed like an astronaut.

Yes, I'm all better now, Jerri.

Yes, Jerri, the stringy paddle.

Yes, most of them are.

Yes, she is, but she's a shoo in for that Inner Beauty category.

Yes, the stool, would you say it was firm,

Yes, this is mine also.

Yes, we'd like you to spy on her.

Yes, why don't you go return them.

Yes, you are.

Yes, Your Honor.

Yes!

Yes? Out with it.

Yes... what is it?!

Yet a hollow wooden one was used to destroy Troy?

Yet I am intrigued by your ramble.

Yet soft enough that it leaves no permanent scar

Yo, Yassy, wait for me!

You all know the size of a king size sheet, right?

You all talk or what?

You always take her side.

You always want me out of this house.

You are a musical genius and I am the only one

You are beyond chores, Jerri.

You are so lucky I have an erection right now

You are so lucky I'm a coward.

You bastard!

You better find out.

You better shape up, young lady,

You can all go now.

You can do it, come on!

You can do it!

You can go now.

You can help me set the table.

You can just tell me later or just come.

You can talk to me, Ricky

You can't help a drug addict until they hit rock bottom,

You can't lay that on pot.

You come from a country with a brutal and unforgiving penal system

You cooked my basketball!

You did better than good, Jerri.

You did the right thing.

You did...

You dig a hole in the yard and cover it with sticks and leaves.

You do that well on the final exam

You don't fool me, Ricky.

You don't know her or anything,

You don't know what you're doing.

You don't know whether you're lying

You don't know, or you don't want to remember?

You don't want those girls at your party anyway, Jerri.

You don't want to go to Goodtime Island looking all puffy.

You ever feel that way?

You fail freshman year.

You fail.

You fall short on so many of the essential elements.

You forgot your basketball!

You get the teeth..

You got robbed, man.

You gotta be there.

You guys are my best friends...

You had your chance, Geoffrey.

You have beautiful teeth.

You have fun.

You have insulted my master.

You have to understand,

You heard me, grind that pelvis into the leather and smack it...

You idiot!

You just can't waltz back into my life and be my mom!

You just don't know how to have fun.

You just found yourself the proud papa

You just gave me away!

You just made the list, mister...

You just need to dig deep inside

You just stick 'em with a shiv in the showers.

You just, uh, rub it...

You kidders.

You know he's gay, right?

You know my door is always open.

You know what I'm talkin' about?

You know where you'd feel all that power?

You know, because she's dangerous and different.

You know, I'm a little busy.

You know, if she doesn't pull through,

You know...

You know... no thanks...

You like that, Yasmine?

You like that?!

You look high, Jerri.

You make me sick.

You mean that crate you're standing on?

You meant it to be a message

You might be screaming, "no, no, no,"

You misunderstand me.

You must feel good.

You need to face the fact... You are a racist.

You only had me over here to seduce me

You pick.

You practice, I'm gonna get a turkey wrap.

You put in all the time and all the hard work necessary

You see my skin is just a recessive trait.

You see, if Jerri doesn't cooperate

You see, the last time I checked,

You should hear the things they say about your face

You should run for homecoming queen, Jerri.

You should stay away from Paul Cotton, Jerri.

You son...

You spending time with the new, new student?

You traced your hand.

You try scrambling down that in the dark

You understand?

You wanna come with?

You wanna hear a little secret?

You want a puff more? You smoke?

You want to do something after school today?

You wanted to see me?

You were jumped... Uhh... by a bunch of guys...

You were out playing ball?

You with the hair,

You wrote the words "Planet Zoot."

You... don't... know... how!!

You... you run along and have fun.

You'd have something.

You're a joy to be around,

You're a racist.

You're a very special person, you know that?

You're all hopped up on that weed.

You're asking me if I'm high?

You're beautiful... inside,

You're busted!

You're crazy. [DOORBELL RINGS]

You're going to have to learn to live with.

You're like a bear trap who's caught its prey,

You're lucky Pop's here.

You're not gonna find anything up there!

You're not gonna turn me in for smoking pot, are ya?

You're not pinning this on me, baby!

You're only as ugly as we think you are.

You're only young once.

You're out of the orchestra, Jerri, I'm sorry.

You're pushing her too hard.

You're the only one I can talk to.

You're thinkin', "not me."

You're weird, Jerri.

You've earned it.

You've had balls slam against your face.

You've succeeded in hurting me.

Young lady...

Your classes in biology have been absolved for today.

Your face looks like a moccasin.

Your father and I won't be able to go to Goodtime Island.

Your grades on the final exam this year were excellent!

Your insides are prettier than mine.

Your little history fingers must be all gooey

Your new friend's a racist, huh?

Your new student eyes immediately graze

7:00 a.m.!

10:00 a.m. sharp, people, except for you, Jerri.

1500 times!

1604.

1776... Nothing registers.

'Cause she's a doper!

'cause they're thick as flies down there.

'Cause your teeth sure look crummy.

"A+," Tiny.

"ahh ahh ahh" kind of Indian.

"and I hate my step mother.

"Bachianas Brazilieras #5" by Villa Lobos.

"but at least it wasn't you, Jerri Blank,

"but no one would understand

"Cluckers"!

"Couldn't be happier.

"Dear diary,

"Dear real diary,

"Go with what you know."

"I love my step mother.

"I want to ask the new boy to the dance,

"I'll press your shirts later" ha ha...

"I'm afraid it'll get infected.

"I'm dying inside,

"I'm trying not to scratch it, Orlando.

"if wishes and buts were clusters of nuts,

"Inner Beauty"? What's that?

"Mad Mothers Against Drugs."

"Me rikee you Paul, ha ha ha ha...

"Ministrokes" and play some putt putt.

"Mong chong, ting tong."

"My vagina is on fire.

"New"? I don't like the sound of that.

"P.S... I just know I'm going to win the homecoming queen.

"Packing a Musket" by Jerri Blank.

"Rise of the Incas."

"scuza me, but you see, don't you touch, where they pee without coinage."

"Ta ta for now,

"Take care of my boyfriend..

"That'll show those sons of bitches,

"The Poppy Downes Memorial Time Capsule."

"Then Jefferson bought the Mississippi and beyond,

"They may never know who gave me these drugs,

"They're just like you and me."

"things are going great at school and at home.

"Well, gotta go do my homework.

"What happened to that guitar?"

"What to do?

"what was the capital of France during the Nazi occupation?"

"what was the Magna Carta?"

"when I straddle and squat to show you my..."

"When they're begging you please to get down on your knees near their groinage,"

"When you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to a pimp,"

"When you work from your home and johns call on the phone,"

"you're a call girl."

"you're a street whore."

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

[APPLAUSE]

[ARRRRRGHHHH]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[BAND PLAYING "PETER AND THE WOLF"]

[BELL RINGING] All right, Jerri.

[BELL RINGS]

[BELL RINGS] Maybe next time.

[BELL TING A LINGING]

[BIRD SCREECHING & FLAPPING]

[CAR HORN HONKING FRANTICALLY]

[CAT GROWLING]

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

[CHUCKLING] You're a worthy opponent, Mr. Cotton.

[CHUCKLING] You're funny, Jerri.

[DEEP SLOW VOICE] Okay, listen, Paul.

[DEEP SLOW VOICE] You seem... detached.

[DEMONIC LAUGHTER]

[DIAL TONE]

[DIALING]

[DISTORTED] Give me the turtle.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DRUMMING LOUDLY]

[FIGHTING STICKS CLACKING]

[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]

[GASP] Oh Mother, what is it?

[GIGGLING HYSTERICALLY]

[GIGGLING UNCONTROLLABLY]

[HANDS SIZZLING]

[HEART MONITOR BEEPING]

[HEARTBEAT]

[HIGH PITCHED SCREAM]

[IMITATING JERRI] "Hey guys, bring hot fruit."

[JERRI BLOWING TRUMPET LAMELY]

[KIDS PLAYING OUTSIDE]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[LONG GRUNT]

[MEOWING] C'mon, Scabbie...

[MONOTONE] I'm like... fine.

[MUNCHING] Oh my God!!

[MUTTERING MOCKINGLY]

[MUTTERING] Ahh... let's see...

[MUTTERING] It's Ricky!

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

[NO VOICE]

[NOISEMAKER RATTLES]

[NORMAL VOICE] It's just you and me and the turtle... right?

[ONE LAST BOOM]

[ORGAN PLAYING "CHARGE"]

[ORGAN PLAYING "CHOO CHOO"]

[PANTING]

[PEBBLES HITTING WINDOW PANE]

[PEOPLE CHEERING ON T.V.]

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PLAYING "FÜR ELISE"]

[PLAYING BEAUTIFULLY]

[PLAYING HOEDOWN MUSIC]

[PLAYING HORRIBLY]

[PLAYING RANDOMLY]

[PLAYING VIOLIN PERFECTLY]

[SCOFFS] Hello, shaft.

[SCREAMING & PANDEMONIUM]

[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]

[SHOES SQUEAKING]

[SIGH]

[SIGH] Bye, Jerri.

[SIGHING] Yeah, I know.

[SOBBING] I only smoked it once!

[SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]

[SPARSE APPLAUSE]

[SPEAKING WEAKLY] What happened, Jerri?

[SPRAY CAN HISSING]

[STEADY TONE]

[STUDENTS GIGGLE]

[TAPPING BATON LOUDLY]

[TAPPING BATON]

[TEARILY] Why don't we get our sketch pads out and work on faces.

[THROATY GAGGING]

[THUD]

[TWEETING] Shhhh, shhhh.

[VIOLIN AGAIN]

[VIOLIN PLAYS]

[VOICE ECHOING] Talk about you...

[WEASEL SQUEALING]

[WHIMPERING]

[WHISPERING] Crazy!

[WHISPERING] He doesn't know!

[WHISPERING] Jerri, I'm worried,

♪ [DAD] ♪

♪ [JERRI] ♪

♪ Cat scratch fever ran away ♪

♪ Humming ♪

♪ Spike Jabber called ♪

♪ Ta dah ♪

âª fun ky beat âª

Strangers with Candy (1999) - Season 1
"Strangers with Candy" is a cult comedy television series that first aired in 1999. Created by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert, the show is a hilarious and satirical take on after-school specials. With its outrageous humor and bizarre characters, the first season of "Strangers with Candy" quickly gained a devoted following. The show centers around the main character Jerri Blank, a 46-year-old former drug addict and ex-con who decides to go back to high school as a freshman. Jerri, played by Amy Sedaris, is an eccentric and clueless character who provides endless entertainment through her nonsensical behavior and inappropriate remarks. The supporting cast of "Strangers with Candy" is equally impressive. Stephen Colbert portrays Chuck Noblet, a sarcastic and frustrated history teacher. Deborah Rush plays Jerri's eccentric and alcoholic mother, Sara Blank. Greg Hollimon portrays Geoffrey Jellineck, the flamboyant and flamboyantly gay art teacher. Paul Dinello takes on the role of the effeminate and sardonic science teacher, Geoffrey Jellineck. Throughout the first season, the characters of "Strangers with Candy" find themselves in outrageous situations. From Jerri's attempt to become a cheerleader to her misguided attempts at romance with fellow students, each episode is filled with absurdity and over-the-top humor. The show cleverly parodies the conventions of after-school specials, tackling topics like drug abuse, sexuality, and peer pressure with a hilariously twisted twist. In addition to its zany humor, "Strangers with Candy" is also known for its catchy theme song. The opening credits showcase a montage of Jerri and her unique antics, set to the tune of an upbeat and quirky song. The music, composed by Mark Mothersbaugh of the band Devo, perfectly captures the offbeat and whimsical nature of the show. Fans of "Strangers with Candy" can enjoy the hilarious antics of Jerri Blank and her dysfunctional friends by watching the first season of the show. The entire series is available for streaming and downloading, ensuring that viewers can relive the bizarre and uproarious world created by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert. Whether you're a fan of unconventional humor or simply looking for a good laugh, "Strangers with Candy" is a must-watch. Its unique blend of absurdity, biting satire, and unforgettable characters make it a true comedy classic. So don't miss out on the opportunity to experience the first season's outrageous misadventures of Jerri Blank and her hilarious crew. *(The sounds mentioned in the prompt are not available for play or download.)*
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