Captain Ron (1992) Soundboard Edit

All right! Coast Guard kicking ass!

All right! Now you're talking.

Babe, get on the winch, Boss, come up here with me.

Ben!

Ben's little red wagon ...

Benjamin!

Besides, I borrowed my buddy's car and ...

Besides, if we get lost, we dock somewhere and ask directions.

Bloodthirsty, heavily armed pirates against the Harvey family?

Boss? I just wanted ... More dry rot? Don't worry about it.

But it has one of the best examples of Spanish forts in the West Indies.

But you can stay on deck and play a game or something.

By the way, you owe me 2.50 for the beer.

Capitan Ron! Where is my auto?

Captain Ron?

Come around on the other side. Watch what I'm doing. Take it up.

Come on.

Diesels love oil like a sailor loves rum.

Don't lose that!

Everybody listen to me!

Explain to the kids how you know that. Translate for the general.

Four or five hours, tops.

Get her out on the ocean. If it's gonna happen, it's out there!

Give me a sec to tell them, OK? This is so cool!

Good going, Katy! Go!

Guys, vamanos al frente! Kitty! Come jump on this mizzenmast.

Hang on to something. We're coming in too fast.

Hang on! There it is!

He hadn't been back for 7 years.

He kept his promise to Ben, promoting him to mate.

He lost our ladder, he doesn't navigate.

He said his friend's car.

Head of the class!

Hey, Boss ...

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Stay out of my ...!

Hold on!

Honey, hold on!

I could show it to you if you want.

I do have concerns about other aspects of the voyage.

I don't know why. He obviously knows what he's doing.

I forgot to fill it with oil.

I found this while I was ...

I got tattooed. Mamba did it. It's a cool little rose.

I gotta confess, I was a little nervous about that.

I learned that in rehab.

I look like a pizza! People think good complexions grow on trees.

I think there's enough fuel. Push it forward.

I thought about that. The shower. A little camouflage noise

I was wondering what it'd be worth in less than perfect condition?

I wouldn't worry about it, dear.

I'm sorry. You don't totally understand it. He's eating my brain!

I've done some research and plotted our course.

If there's one single gorilla around here, I'll eat it.

If you don't count that one time in the car,

It is important to know the basics, and they're not that hard, right?

It shows.

It's about a spontaneous moment that we just grab at.

It's awesome, Dad!

It's not like I hate the guy. I don't hate anybody.

It's the land of voodoo, hoodoo and all kinda weird shit.

It's way better than you'd think. It just needs a little work.

Jib, staysail, mainsail.

Let me tell you about Ben. I wanted this to be a bonding experience.

Let's make the best of it and explore the island.

Light!

Like, not a problem.

Listen, everybody! You shouldn't worry about this.

Look at this! Open ocean, uncharted islands.

Look. See, everything's fine.

Martin Harvey? Sign on the line.

Martin, what happened, honey?

Martin, what is it?

Martin!

Marty wants to write a novel. About adventures in product development?

May we speak with the captain, please?

Mom! My glasses broke and the lens fell out!

Mom! Over there!

Naturals! Every one of ya's naturals!

Not at all. Bye bye, now.

Not yet. We got to be sure she's shipshape, right, Captain?

Nothing. They were playing hide the salami in the shower.

Now we'll get a splint. Shoot! I was supposed to do that first

Oh, boy! Look at that, Barbara.

OK ... Soon. Bye.

Over here!

Over there!

Oww!

Right about that, Boss. I got it right here.

Right.

Shit!

Some people get jealous at me. There's the Navy thing.

Something about the statute of limitations.

Sure you will, Boss. I guarantee it.

Swab, bring me another brewski!

Sweetie! Ouch.

That glass out front? A window popped out of the 12th floor.

That was taken a few years ago. Isn't she a classic?

The leg is a lot better. I heal fast. I believe in Jesus, so that helps.

The Pirates of the Caribbean!

The world's changed a lot since Ricky Ricardo.

There I am, the last time I saw him. And he left us that.

There's a lot of boats!

There's Terry Waite, Desmond Tutu and Captain Ron. The big three.

They don't know English, I don't know Spanish. No communication.

This here the Harvey boat?

This is Commander Morgan. May we speak with the captain?

This is going to be one of the high points of the trip!

This is The Wanderer.

Tomorrow at this time we're gonna be home.

Unbelievable! Especially for somebody with no depth perception.

Was his trusty compass.

Water pump

We buried him in a place overlooking the water.

We can do one of two things. Sell the boat and go back to Chicago

We have enough life preservers for everyone. Don't panic.

We're not going to sink!

Well, I'm the top hat. Be the battleship

Well, it's a boat.

What about the eye thing?

What about your job? My clients? We have children that are in school!

What do you think about Captain Ron?

What happened?

When we left, we had just enough fuel to make it to San Juan.

Where are you going?

Who wants to know?

Would you please back off! I lost my eye, man!

Wow!

Yeah, he's good.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah!

Yeah.

You are being expelled from the island.

You bet you wasn't. You want a beer, get your own beer.

You cretin!

You got it!

You stole my wife, but not my car!

Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you OK? Yeah. Good job, Boss.

Blub blub blub. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Careful. Honey, be careful.

Dad. Don't sneak up on me like that!

Did you find them? What? No.

Do you see that boat? I see it, honey

Dollywood... You made me lose count!

Don't go nowhere. Where would I go?

Don't you try to guilt trip me. I'm not trying anything.

Double baconburger and a dog. Chips, baconburger.

Everything's under control now. I'll help you clean up.

Get back on the boat! You're embarrassing me.

Get your hands off! I wasn't gonna drink it

Good one, Caroline! Keep quiet. Be quiet.

Got it, Mom. Control your excitement, Caroline.

He did convince them to let you go. Sorry. A true humanitarian.

He was dancing with all the girls. This is great!

Hey, how was it? Cool. Rainforests and shells.

Hey, swab. What happened to your eye?

Hey! Are you the captain? Ron Rico.

How about it, babe? I can't dance to this. Nobody can.

How'd you find us? Just got lucky.

I know we're near land. Great! You hear? We're almost there!

I'll get them on the radio. We're Americans!

I'm not talking to her. We're playing strip Monopoly.

Kitty, that's all right ..

Kitty? Red running, blue standing.

Let's not wear them. No, Mom, I'm fine.

Lucy, I'm home! It suddenly got crowded in here.

Martin and I used to go dancing. It shows.

Martin, he'll hear you! Let him hear me.

Nice to meet you. My son Ben.

No guns on this boat. We need to fight off pirates.

No, he is a psycho. Well, what does that mean?

Pull! I'm trying.

Slow down! Get ready to kick the fenders over.

That was the coolest! You say that now!

That's half the money I have left. Shit happens. Cough it up.

There are children on this boat! We've had enough!

They're not gonna shoot at us! What are you doing?

This is a piece of junk! Turn it the other way.

We don't have any supplies. We'll get them at St. Haag.

What would make you consider it? There is nothing to say.

What? Oh, no.

What? When? Now.

Where are we going, skipper? I don't know.

Where did you get this tattoo? At Mamba's shop.

Why are you so upset? He took us to the wrong island!

You found our children? No.

You know these waters well. Yeah, no problem there.

You said that about the guerrillas. I was right!

Just calm down. I got it!

.. Tell me where you've been last night, Caroline..