Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe Edit

A better field of vision.

A brand new TV and put our house back

A chimpanzee with a wiener the size of a...

A day just like any other.

A pair of dice or something?

A spider web is a structure created by a spider

A suggestion... Guys.

A tale of two heroes on a quest to score,

A very difficult docking maneuver.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Ow!

Aah! Ow! Heh... ow!

Aah! Turd!

Absolutely.

Across time and space.

Actually listen like when I'm talking and stuff, you know?

Ah!

Ah! Ah! Where am I?

Ah! Butthole!

Ah! Ugh!

Ah...

Ahh!

Ahh... uhh...

Albert Einstein and Nathan Rosen theorized

All I see is, like, nighttime or something.

All this talk about dissecting

All we need now is a car.

All your TP now!

Also I was thinking we might score.

Also...

Amen. Heh heh.

Amusing and incongruous.

And 93% of the fuel you need to return to Earth.

And also, I thought I was gonna do that...

And apparently they have the ability

And as far as I'm concerned, they were never here.

And as soon as I get off hold...

And Butt Head.

And directions to someplace far away

And dissect them, right, Phil?

And dissect them.

And dock the actual space shuttle

And don't skimp on the nacho cheese sauce,

And every other girl you know?

And feel ashamed and I'd try to hide it from my mom.

And fire. Heh heh heh.

And get those handcuffs back on, Beavis.

And he's always trying to kick my ass for no reason.

And he's going to show us how it works.

And I don't even get a boner but I feel good anyway.

And I don't know what that is,

And I don't know who you two freaks are

And I dreamed about it every night

And I have a better offer for you.

And I just want to say that I also love, um,

And I just want to say, Your Majesty,

And I love nachos, you know?

And I think I've been to some other places

And I think we both know what needs to happen now.

And I was never worried that it would.

And I will show you the mysteries of the cosmos

And I'll be thankful for the rest of my life.

And I'll just take them back

And I'm Beavis. Heh. Heh. Welcome.

And I'm captain of the Space Shuttle Endeavor.

And I'm Jim Hartson,

And I'm the lieuten...

And I've been in a toilet.

And I've been to outer space

And I've never said this

And if I'm gonna be accused of murder,

And instead, all we get is books!

And is not returning phone calls or texts.

And it came back that they died in 1998.

And it just gets old after a while.

And it wasn't me, but somewhere out there,

And it's black. Wait a minute, Beavis.

And let me out and...

And maybe we could prove everybody wrong

And me re elected lieutenant governor, which is also...

And now she's not.

And now we've lost comms with Earth.

And now you've traveled through time and space

And now, both of our universes

And now, I know you mean you've been masturbating.

And now, you must pay!

And one of them was covered in feces and nacho cheese.

And she gave us this bracelet to seal the deal.

And Smart Butt Head.

And so does the whole Whack family.

And so now, I finally am ready

And so we come to you for help.

And so, um, I was wondering, um,

And something came through it...

And teachers.

And that butthole.

And that's not even counting the Russian dog and the monkey.

And that's why he gave us a car,

And that's your science fair project?

And the only difference between him and you

And then 24 years

And then she said she didn't say ate ass,

And then we said it, remember?

And then we're going to put those two boys

And then, after she blew

And then, um, and then I was thinking about you and me.

And then, you know, just, heh, see you later.

And then... and then I'd wake up

And there you have it.

And there's a funny thing about hope.

And these days, well,

And they have the inside track for any job they...

And they left the airlock before I could stop them.

And they never have to worry about

And they're not aliens out to destroy our way of life.

And they're right.

And to a lesser extent me, because I'm the lieutenant...

And to that end, I'm here to surprise pardon two criminals

And ultimately,

And unlock the potential of these two at risk youths?

And use it to observe a small black hole.

And we are the most intelligent versions.

And we don't have to worry about the police.

And we only have enough oxygen for five people

And we talked about spider webs and you ruined everything.

And we will become better men.

And we wrote stuff down with a pencil

And we're not gonna be there.

And will get you a job on Wall Street.

And win the whole science...

And with God's help,

And you both have it.

And you went to jail.

And you will return to a universe

And you, Smart Butt Head, were able to watch

And you're not gonna score.

And your dreams will come true.

And, um, I just want to say, um,

Antifa?

Any of you ladies want to join the party?

Anyone want to fill them in?

Anyway, along the way, I learned some things and stuff.

Anyway, Serena, I was just gonna say,

Anyway, you won't believe what happened

Apart, they're barely able to feed themselves.

Are you here because you hate the United States?

Are you here to destroy me?

Are you interested in the home?

Are you ready to do it?

Are you ready to do it?

Are you shitting me?

Are you sure about that, Butt Head?

Are you sure about this?

Are you those guys that are like us

Are... are you sure about that?

As a secondary backup in case of mechanical failure.

As long as you're in the state of Texas, Special Agent,

As part of my new "Soft on Crime" initiative.

As we travel across the galaxies,

Asshole.

Ate ass!

Ate ass.

Automatically assume they can take whatever they want.

Back at Space Camp. Remember?

Bag, heh heh heh. Hehheh heh heh.

Be acting differently from now on?

Be right back. Uh, okay.

Beavis and Butt Head,

Beavis and Butt Head, hear us.

Beavis and Butt Head, hear us.

Beavis and Butt Head.

Beavis, Butt Head, it is we.

Beavis, everything is gonna be different.

Beavis, from now on, it's just gonna be you and me.

Beavis, I have an idea for our science fair project.

Beavis, I'm not gonna score.

Beavis, they put us in this rocket thing

Beavis, this changes everything.

Beavis, tomorrow, we are going to score with that lady.

Beavis, wake up. We made it.

Beavis, what the hell are you doing?

Beavis, you can't do anything right.

Beavis, you dumb ass. Didn't you hear?

Beavis, you're a dumb ass.

Beavis, you've just crossed a line.

Beavis: What's going on?

Beavis!

Beavis? Beavis?

Beavis.

Beavis.

Because Butt Head's mom said he died of syphilis.

Because Daddy's connections got you into college

Because I'm second in command.

Because it belonged to the mother of one of these

Because it sorta puts me in a tricky position

Because the records were lost when the gym burned down.

Because... God damn it!

Believe me, I tried to talk them out of it.

Better not be.

Beyond anything NASA will ever achieve...

Big deal, who cares?

Bittersweet thing she said is,

Black holes could contain rifts

Blah, blah, blah, blah. No, we can't put

Bleugh!

Boi oi oi oing!

Boi yoi yoi ing!

Boing.

Books?

Books?

Both those boys belong to me.

Boy, I'm glad you said it and not us.

Breaking a $2 billion piece of equipment.

Brief lives may be over,

But do it for real, with me?

But do it for real?

But here's the problem.

But I can also be very gentle.

But I can see how it would it be quite

But I chose you for this mission.

But I didn't have the courage.

But I don't care.

But I guess anything would have worked.

But I hope someday your dream comes true.

But I never thought it would really happen,

But I was thinking... I don't understand ButtHead.

But if they do?

But if we don't bring them together,

But in so doing,

But instead lived your lives these past 24 years.

But last night, I watched a show called

But no matter.

But no matter. At great personal expense,

But none of it will exist

But now it's out of control.

But other than that, these two are a reminder

But particularly these two.

But save your money for the embalming fluid.

But that's a police car.

But then I got barf on it.

But then we realized, it doesn't matter.

But they can't be the same kids... that's impossible.

But they felt it was the right thing to do,

But those two boys were never here.

But today, my dream will come true.

But together, their intelligence

But um... You went to college.

But we have white privilege.

But we need to find Serena.

But whoever it was is going to be fine.

But you can do it yourself in settings.

But you may call us Smart Beavis

But you've got to get out of here, now.

But, you know, that's okay.

But... but she said... she said she'd be here.

Butt Head, I'm gonna kill you,

Butt Head, she's at the house!

Butt Head! Damn it, Beavis,

Butthole, hm hm heh.

Butthole! Hehe.

By hiding in a suitcase at the foot of the bed.

Campaign volunteers had some crazy story about how she

Can our universes be saved.

Can we put the TV back on?

Can you remind me why I'm paying you

Can you watch porn on it?

Canvassing?

Cares about the humanities anymore.

Causing an international incident with Russia.

Certain I would die.

Change the channel, Butt Head, come on, right now.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Check this out, Butt Head.

Chirp.

Clear the room.

Come on, Butt Head!

Come on, drive!

Come on, get in there, you lazy son of a bitch.

Come on, kid, you can do it.

Come on, turn that show back on.

Come on. Group: Yeah!

Come with me to my universe,

Commence docking sequence.

Communication with Earth.

Complete renovation.

Cool, yeah. Heh heh. Maybe we'll see some fire.

Cool.

Cool. Heh heh heh heh.

Cool. My dad's powerful.

Cool. Someone put a little mirror here

Cornholio's their hero.

Could your assistant get me some ice as well?

Counting sucks.

Cut it out! Our dads are powerful.

Damage is cool.

Damn it, Beavis, are you talking to Serena?

Damn it, Beavis, Serena never liked you,

Damn it, Beavis, shut up. You're embarrassing me.

Damn it, Beavis, stop barfing or you're going to

Damn it, Beavis, this is all your fault.

Damn it, Beavis, you gotta really get down there.

Damn it, Beavis, you lying son of a bitch.

Damn it, Beavis.

Damn it, Butt Head.

Damn it, I can't see it.

Damn it, it's locked.

Damn it, that's not a phone.

Damn it!

Damn it!

Damn it! Heh.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Definitely not human.

Demands you turn over your prisoner immediately

Destroy their records.

Dice? Heh heh heh.

Dick Whack.

Did he score?

Did it hurt?

Did they say anything about me?

Directions to 322 Woodson Street, Highland, Texas.

Do it with us.

Do it...

Do not disrespect my bunghole.

Do not make my bunghole angry.

Do those nachos come with side orders of nachos?

Do we need to, like, take our clothes off or something?

Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?

Do you know how few people

Do you know who my dad is?

Do you think I'm going to have sex with you?

Do you want me to search the web?

Does everybody who scores have to do this?

Doing in our house?

Don't mess with those, unless you want to risk

Don't mind us.

Don't move!

Don't tell me what to do.

Don't worry, it's okay.

Drinking my own urine.

Droll, very droll, yes. Whimsical.

Ehh, password?

Ehh. The Earth sucks.

End.

Endeavor, can you hear me?

Endeavor, you are a go for orbital operations.

Endeavor, your situation is critical.

Endeavor.

Enjoy space.

Enough!

Enter now so the portal might seal itself,

Every possible version of you exists,

Every scenario you can ever imagine.

Everything I've ever dreamed of.

Everything we've ever known,

Exactly the way it was.

Exactly, Gage, thank you for that.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Face total destruction.

Families. Heh heh heh.

Faster, Butt Head, come on, faster!

Federal law dictates that you turn them over.

Feels a little bit like a wild goose chase.

Finally a stroke of good luck.

Fire!

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Fire! Heh. Fire!

First of all... oh. Hello!

First you need to set up the Home app.

First, you need to locate the anus.

Fly, my friends...

For 24 years.

For a couple, but... Beavis, you son of a whore.

For all mankind.

For hours, every day.

For its proximity to space, but the trip was a long y.

For one reason: to score with Serena.

For real? Whoa. Heh heh.

For reasons of national security.

For years, I have watched you from afar

For you, Smart Beavis, are the first among us to score.

From 16 different countries,

From Highland, Texas, and I...

From Space Camp... They're phenomenal!

From the minute I introduced myself.

Fulfilling all the dreams you ever had

Get Alpha Team on the plane. We're wheels up in five minutes.

Get it! Yeah, yeah!

Get me out of here now!

Get me out of here!

Get me outta here!

Get out of the car.

Get the helicopter.

Get your hands off me, bunghole!

Get your hands where I can see them.

Gets a free trip to NASA Space Camp.

Getting stopped by the police.

Give me all your TP!

Give those prisoners all the toilet paper we got.

Glad we stuck with it.

Go ahead, Beavis.

Going to jail wise.

Good morning.

Good stuff.

Good to talk to you. Yeah.

Governor Ryan, the secret Defense Command

Governor, oh, my gosh,

Greetings, Beavis and Butt Head.

Guess I have to do everything myself.

Guilty as charged, heh, you know what I'm saying?

Hah!

Hang on, everyone. Hang on.

Hang on, we're being followed.

Hang on.

Happens to me. Never happened to you?

Hartson, just get us some ice.

Has two meanings for that word, yes.

Haunted that I had killed two people,

Have been recruiting young volunteers

Have done what you're about to do?

Have you ever seen a show called "Touched by an Angel"?

Have you seen my bunghole? Heh heh.

He did the most dangerous thing you can do in this place.

He doesn't want us to score.

He gave those men hope.

He just, like, follows me around all the time.

He said butt munch.

He said dick.

He was the first man on the moon.

He's gonna go score with her.

He's scored every day for... for 24 years.

Hee hee hee hee.

Heh heh heh heh heh. Yeah!

Heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh. Heh.

Heh heh heh heh. Hehheh hm heh, yeah, heh.

Heh heh heh heh. Ow, hehheh, yeah.

Heh heh heh heh. This is gonna be cool.

Heh heh heh heh. Uh, oh, yeah.

Heh heh heh, and I give it to you.

Heh heh heh, heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh, heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh. Damn right.

Heh heh heh. Heh, yeah, thanks.

Heh heh heh. Hehheh heh.

Heh heh heh. Hehheh heh.

Heh heh heh. Hm, yeah, heh, oh, yeah.

Heh heh heh. Hmhm hm heh.

Heh heh heh. Pretty cool, yeah, hehheh.

Heh heh heh. That was cool.

Heh heh heh. Whoa, ate ass.

Heh heh heh. Yeah, hehheh, thanks.

Heh heh heh. You care.

Heh heh hm hm heh.

Heh heh, cool.

Heh heh, good thinking, Beavis.

Heh heh, heh heh heh. Heh, hmhm heh.

Heh heh, heh heh.

Heh heh, yeah!

Heh heh, you're on a roll, Beavis.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Heh heh. Heh, hmhm hm heh.

Heh heh. Heh.

Heh heh. Ma'am.

Heh heh. Ow! Ow!

Heh heh. Serena?

Heh heh. So, um, should we do it here

Heh heh. That was close, hmhm heh.

Heh heh. Yeah, come on, hehheh.

Heh heh. Yeah, he's out of control.

Heh heh. Yeah, really.

Heh heh. Yeah, what happened?

Heh, bunghole.

Heh, heh, yeah, heh.

Heh, kick ass, yeah!

Heh, ow.

Heh. Do you have any bigger TVs?

Heh. Uh, oh.

Hello, can I help you?

Hello, Governor. It appears we each have

Hello?

Hello?

Helps a lot.

Here we go again.

Here. I'll show you, what's your password?

Here's the deal.

Here's the plan.

Hey Butt Head, I heard

Hey Butt Head, they stopped.

Hey Butt Head, this phone kicks ass and everything.

Hey, Beavis was driving.

Hey, Beavis, check...

Hey, Butt Head, what part of sex does this train us for?

Hey, don't eat em!

Hey, hello.

Hey, hey, what are you... ah,

Hey, Serena. How's it going?

Hey, Serena's in there.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, you better tell your friend to chill, man.

Hey, you guys have to see this.

Hi yah! Yes!

Hide 'em in your pants. Shut up!

Highland Texas, I think it was.

Highland Texas.

Highland, end of the line.

Hm heh heh.

Hm heh.

Hm hm heh heh heh. Ate ass, hehheh.

Hm hm heh.

Hm hm heh.

Hm hm heh.

Hm hm heh. Uh, really fast?

Hm hm hm heh heh. Yeah, that was cool.

Hm hm hm heh.

Hm hm hm heh.

Hm hm hm heh.

Hm hm hm hm heh.

Hm hm hm hm heh.

Hm hm hm hm heh.

Hm, yeah, heh heh heh.

Hmm.

Hmm. Um, ButtHead, we're in a car.

Hmm. Well, I will be damned.

Hold your fire.

Hole.

How am I supposed to know?

How are you boys doing?

How can I help you?

How do you know when you're like, in love?

How Latin is the basis of English grammar.

How long do we have to stay here?

How much do they know about the murders I committed?

How would you guys like to do that,

How would you guys like to do that...

How'd they disappear, though?

How'd we ever get our hands in here in the first place?

Humorous if I had... Yes, yes humorous.

Humorous, quite humorous. Yes.

Humorous, quite jocular.

Hurry, you haven't but much time.

I am Cornholio!

I am Cornholio!

I am Cornholio!

I am done being a laughingstock.

I can assure you.

I can help you bring her down.

I can kick Beavis in the nads before he passes out.

I can see again.

I can't believe I finally get to meet you.

I can't believe I've been hanging on to this

I can't believe it!

I can't change my voice.

I can't let them find these on me.

I can't unlock the door.

I can't wait to see the look on his face

I demand TP, I demand TP!

I demand TP!

I demand TP! Hmm?

I did not say ate ass.

I did not.

I did some pretty crazy...

I did volunteer, you know. For the record.

I did?

I didn't get that. Could you try again?

I do care.

I don't care about your turds, Beavis.

I don't get it, sir.

I don't know how to say this,

I don't know what it means.

I don't know, Butt Head. It's not that bad. Heh heh.

I don't know... veterans or dogs.

I don't see it, Butt Head. Maybe it's deeper in.

I don't see it, where?

I don't see their failure.

I don't sound like that.

I don't understand Beavis.

I don't understand spanking my monkey.

I don't want to die in a butthole!

I finally found someone, and you're jealous!

I found a coupon in the car for Taco Bell.

I found it!

I guess I never really had anybody, you know, like to

I guess it's worth it, I mean,

I guess she like made a big sign so we'd remember

I had a conversation with this chick one time.

I have a gigantic schlong. I hope that's okay.

I have but one bunghole to give.

I have dreams about it all the time... no! No way!

I have some extremely distressing news to share.

I have to go back in there before they get suspicious,

I hereby sentence Beavis and Butt Head

I hope you can see my bunghole.

I hope you're not spending

I I just wanted to thank you for choosing us for this honor.

I I think we're all thinking the same thing here.

I just hope we're not too late.

I just want to say that makes me the luckiest man

I just want to say, you know, like, um,

I know everything you've done, every law you've broken.

I know I'm not the first guy

I know this can be an emotional decision

I know what Serena did to you on the Endeavor.

I know you're thinking, "I need an expensive scalpel,"

I left the keys in that green car right down there.

I like your enthusiasm. But it's gonna be hard work.

I love you, Serena.

I mean if there's like, a line,

I mean, I suppose it's not the most disgusting thing

I mean, we have to tell the scientific community...

I mean, you know, if you want to.

I mean...

I might as well kill those guys.

I need TP for my bunghole!

I need TP for my bunghole!

I need TP for my bunghole.

I never realized this stuff.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad we went to college.

I promise you that.

I saw something but, like, it went away.

I see her, Butt Head, speed up! Okay, Beavis.

I see our failure.

I seek TP.

I spent three weeks stranded in space because of those two,

I sure did, heh heh.

I think I have an idea.

I think I know what kind of hole this is.

I think I see what's going on here.

I think I want to get a tattoo of a butt

I think it's time to put this baby

I think NASA has a couple new astronauts.

I think that guy said the keys are in the green car.

I think the floor's not working.

I think the problem is you're just uneducated.

I think they were like British or something.

I think we need all the hope we can get.

I thought we had something.

I told you to shut up.

I volunteer.

I wanna make it count for something.

I wanna volunteer my wiener.

I want to be the one to do this.

I was thinking maybe we could, um,

I will find your TP.

I would have scored if you hadn't scared her off

I wouldn't say no to anything at this point.

I...

I... I lo...

I... I love...

I... I...

I'll be right behind you all the way.

I'll come get you then.

I'll just go ahead and get that from you.

I'll know more when I dissect their mouthparts.

I'll volunteer too.

I'm a deer.

I'm assuming you wanted me to stay,

I'm Commander Serena Ryan,

I'm going to make sure she can't do it to you

I'm going to turn things over to Officer Hartson now

I'm gonna get out of here, and don't follow me.

I'm gonna need a minute to think about this.

I'm gonna put on my suit and take one last spacewalk.

I'm gonna tear your head off and...

I'm happy to be here.

I'm his girlfriend.

I'm just gonna take a whiz, Butt Head.

I'm just so interested in all my young supporters,

I'm not going down without a fight.

I'm ready to do it right now, if you want.

I'm Richard Whack.

I'm Siri. I'm here to help.

I'm speaking with the nacho man.

I'm sure he's very powerful and can have me fired.

I'm the captain of this ship.

I'm the toughest judge in the state.

I'm tired of this crap.

I'm tired of you weighing me down.

I've already called the Federal whistleblower hotline

I've done for my career.

I've got some pictures on my phone.

I've got something I want to say.

I've got this one, Aisha.

I've gotta go put on my suit.

I've never seen one of those before.

I've wanted to do this my whole life,

If I can just get...

If I can... I can see it...

If I don't kill those guys, I'm going to be accused of murder.

If she could just see her son one more time,

If this is the end,

If we keep them apart, it'll neutralize the threat.

If you do not go through the portal.

If you don't get a boner when you think about her,

In a sex positive way, which is a good thing.

In absolute terms, we're still not so bright.

In all the cosmos,

In American airspace.

In my defense, I was trying to kick Beavis in the nads.

In outer space?

In some sort of signal blocking device or Faraday cage.